What if's, franchises, and humor

[ninlaith]

Ever ponder those "What If's" that you wish you could see the outcome to? Ever have any ideas about the kind of merchandise that could be created? Any humorous thoughts? I'd like to know them.

Example: Cars

If Frodo had to drive the ring to Mordor he would ride in this. With a V-6 engine and 6 cylinders the Ford 4x4 Ringbearer....He's not the only one who carries it.

[Estelyn Telcontar]

This thread topic, as a humorous one, is most appropriate on the Middle-Earth Mirth forum - I'm moving it there, where those interested may read and post on it.

[One of the Nine]

Ok, I have a couple.

~ Tanks
Both sides would definately use these at Pellenor Fields. It might even make things a little more even. Although there would probably be more orcs than tanks, the Gondarian soldiers would have no trouble running them all over.

~Teflon Pans
The Hobbits would definately see this as a much needed improvement to their muchly overused kitchens. No sticking, no scrubbing, so they can spend more time eating then cleaning up. :D

[ninlaith]

One of the Nine I like the Teflon pans...very clever :D. and thanks for the move. I'm new at this so I need all the help I can get. :D

[The Perky Ent]

I got something better than a car. A helicopter! Frodo can hover over Mt. Doom, drop the ring in, and fly back. Also, for the Nazgul, fireproof vests!

[ninlaith]

very good. I never thought of that one. Wait...mental picture...done..that was easy we'll be home in time for luncheon. :D

[Bombadil]

Elven cloaks are nice...but I'm sure Harry Potter's invisibility cloak would've fared much better for all... ;)

[HerenIstarion]

Helicopter is a good idea, but we need greater scope! Why bother yourself flying, when you can use Rivendell Nuclear Plant facilities? One Ring in, a lot of cheap power to light elven lanterns out...

[Essex]

What about giving the ring to a really large bird to fly to Mount Doom and drop into the Cracks of Doom? ;)

[ninlaith]

yeah just have one of the eagles do it. It'll be fine.

[One of the Nine]

I have an idea, what about computers, or a mail system. Just send the Ring to: Mount Doom PO box 18526 Mount Doom, Mordor, then be done with it.

[ninlaith]

good one. I have a joke I've been thinking about for awhile.

setting: Karadhras

Legolas walking on top of snow and falls through

Frodo looks up and says "Yeah, you're real magical!"

[Bombadil]

How about constructing a mount doom replica! Way up north past the shire. Make it within walking distance for Frodo. :p

[ninlaith]

good one. He'll be home before dark.

[Feanor of the Peredhil]

Can you only imagine the marketing opportunities for Stetson in Rohan?

[Himhenwen]

They could really sell OFF Bug Repellent,
With all of those bugs in the Marshes they needed it!
And the last thing they needed was Frodo killing over because of West Nile.

[ninlaith]

thanks for the Stetson one! I think I busted a gut! and for the OFF one...I just have one thing to say to you...

What do they eat when they can't get Hobbit?!

Thanks guys you've really been making this thread worth while :D

[elronds_daughter]

what about cell phones? all Frodo would've needed to do in Bree (wondering, "Where the heck is Ganalf??") was call Gandalf's cell. No more worries. Then Faramir could've just called Aragorn to find out if it really was Boromir that he saw floating down Anduin.

In two words: endless possiblities.

[One of the Nine]

In two words: endless possiblities.

I quite agree. If the Frodo and the gang lived here and now, man would they have an easy time. They could take the earliest flight to Mordor, take a little tour in Ithilien, then go with a police squad and drop it in. Then, maybe a little sight seeing at the grand Gondor, there's been a recent fire there, but the small police force is doing fine with it all. Then you take the earliest flight home sitting comfortably in a boeing 747.

[ninlaith]

very very funny :D :D .

[elronds_daughter]

you know, ninlaith, you could chime in with more of your own suggestions, instead of letting us take over. anywho, here's my ligit reason for posting...

Bilbo's birthday party would have been a lot easier to put on if there'd been a Party City somewhere. streamers, party favors, etc. wonderful convenience, really.

[One of the Nine]

Bilbo's birthday party would have been a lot easier to put on if there'd been a Party City somewhere. streamers, party favors, etc. wonderful convenience, really.

I quite agree. Very much easier with Party City. :D

Although, think of it. If the book happened in this world setting, would there be a book? They'd have so many conveinences(sp?) that the whole reason for the books making would be nothing. Modern technology could probably just take care of the ring where Frodo lived. That would be wierd.

[Mithalwen]

Of course The Council of Elrond would have been held as a webchat..........

And Gandalf could have checked out the ring on Google without all that tiresome rummaging in the archives of Minas Tirith.......

[ninlaith]

I wonder how much bleach Saruman had to use to keep his cloak looking clean?

[Feanor of the Peredhil]

I can just see the modern day equivilant of the Destruction of the Ring: no doubt Frodo would have to toss it into a nuclear reactor somewhere. The resultant explosion would destroy Sauron, his minions, his lands... Mordor The Parking Lot.

[One of the Nine]

I can just see the modern day equivilant of the Destruction of the Ring: no doubt Frodo would have to toss it into a nuclear reactor somewhere. The resultant explosion would destroy Sauron, his minions, his lands... Mordor The Parking Lot.

Very funny. All of you, very funny. Although, the Nuclear Plant of Sauron would be a good start to taking over the world.... *gets lost in own thoughts*

[ninlaith]

you know that scene in Moria where they're surrounded by orcs before the balrog comes out? I'm always waiting for one of the orcs to say

"What's in your wallet?"

[One of the Nine]

"What's in your wallet?"

Ah, very funny. Very funny all. :D

[Himhenwen]

That reminds me...
Sam could have saved time and food if he used light weight, easy to store Ziplock bags and Gladwear bowls!!!!! He didn't even think about foam plates, cups, and bowls. He could have saved time and it wouldn't have been so heavy.

[Nimrothiel]

Don't forget about Ramen noodles!

[ninlaith]

Sometimes I wonder what would have happened if Frodo just said;

"Ehh, I don't feel like going on a journey today."

[Lindir]

It would be so much better if Gandalf had a really big fire extenguisher during the confrontation w/ the balrog.....the only thing that would be left of him is rock or ash. It would be better if the whole fellowship had their own. ;)

[ninlaith]

Yeah giant ghostbuster type fire extinguishers. That would take care of the Balrog and save them time.

[ninlaith]

What if they came out with Green Dragon Brew sold by the flagon? Personally I think they would make a killing.

[Himhenwen]

Oh ya I could wait three more years for that even though I don't like brews. It would be worth it!!!!!! Except I would like a pint!

[Himhenwen]

I was just thinking so watch out!
What would of happened or been said if the table that Merry and Pippin where dancing on broke???? Just something to ponder?

[ninlaith]

Now that's funny! But what about Pip and Merry? they could be hurt? But it's still funny.

[elronds_daughter]

What if they came out with Green Dragon Brew sold by the flagon? Personally I think they would make a killing.
heh, heh... definitly. count me in.;):D:p

[ninlaith]

I was just thinking about this the other day. You know how Frodo wakes up in Rivendell and Elrond says "Welcome to Rivendell.....Frodo Baggins." Well what if instead he said "Welcome to Rivendell.....Mr. Anderson."

[Feanor of the Peredhil]

Sick of losing electrolytes through tiring battles? Looking for a great substitution for water? Gaterade... the official drink of the War of the Ring.

[Morsul the Dark]

ok here's one

Sam in scientist outfit walks out "hi I'm Samwise Gamgee and as yiou know Mister Frodo and I walked from the shire all the way to Mount Doom. and it would have been hell even with our leathery feet if it hadn't been for Dr. Scholl's."

or Saron walks past Frodo as he's about to throw the ring in the fire witch king says "Lord Sauron aren't you worried?" "no I'm gellin'" Dr. Scholl's gels

[ninlaith]

heh heh heh. Very funny. Very very good.:D Bravo

[Morsul the Dark]

Bud Light now less carbs all the taste! (Pippin enters) I'm getting One

[ninlaith]

Gamgee Gardening Tools now available at your local retail stores worldwide! :D

[headlessmonk]

Actually, a great blooper would've been if Elijah Wood had just like HURDLED the ring in2 the water at that part in the 1st movie-or if he had dropped it while saving Sam, and then he just didn't care. LOL srry that idea amuses me :D

[Morsul the Dark]

Just so you know "chatspeech" is not allowed "in2" should be written "into" and such just be careful about that

here's one if gimli and legalos tripped and dropped there weaopns and accidently pick up each other's and low and behold Gim li is a better archer than legalos

[ninlaith]

That would be sort of a smack in the face for Legolas but it would be funny to see a dwarf weilding a bow...heheh....

[The Perky Ent]

The Use of Cell Phones: Gandalf calling Theoden: Hey Theoden! Long time no see! Right, well, we need some re-inforcemence here! So, if you could, you know, muster your Rohirrmir, that'd be great. Ciao.
Theoden after hearing call: Hello, Westfold, Snowbord, rondevous at Dunland.


The Use of Holograms: Orcs are surrounding Minas Tirith. Gandalf summons a hologram of a Balrog. Orcs go back to Mordor.


The use of energy bars: Sam: Frodo! We're so close, but we'll never make it to Mt. Doom.
Frodo: Not so fast Sam! I've got a power bar!
They eat the power bar and destory the ring.

[ninlaith]

That was absolutely wonderful. I commend you. Keep posting ones like that!

[The Perky Ent]

You talkin to me? Sorry, had to make a reference to deNiro there! Anyways, glad to do it! Here's another:


The use of GPS: In Emyn Muil, Frodo and Sam are wandering for days. Then, thanks to GPS, they track the signal on their cell phone and make it out safely :)

[ninlaith]

Yes you Perky Ent! Those are so funny. I laugh for so long after reading your posts I even find myself chuckling later throughout the day. Absolutely funny! This thread is turning out better than I expected! I just wish more people would post. It's all really funny! :D

[Morsul the Dark]

Use of Google.com

Gandalf quickly finds all the information he needs in a matter of minutes along with lots of annoying pop-ups

[The Perky Ent]

If you like them so much, why don't you rate them :D lol Google! That's awesome! Here's another:


The Use of eBay: Elrond is about to give Aragorn The Ring of Barahir, but Aragorn stops him
Elrond: Take it, it's yours!
Aragorn: That's ok! i already have one!
Elrond: Already have one?
Aragorn: Yeah! I bought off of some snowman in Forchel. It was a great bargan.
Elrond: So, can I keep it?
Aragorn: Actually, I was thinking of selling it. I'm just $20 away from buying the The White Tree.

[Morsul the Dark]

ebay thats gereat!

let's see...

a grappling hook Gandalf saves himself while balrog continues to fall

[ninlaith]

oh dear...that's pretty funny :D

[ninlaith]

It would be insanely hard to be a Middle-Earth real-estate agent. Imagine trying to sell a place like Moria.

Wheww we're finally here. Nice brisk little three day journey isn't it? As you can see it's very spacious and palace like. Plenty of room for everyone. There is a little Orc-infestation. You might want to call the Orc-in man for that. Now lets talk about insurance here. I think you want Balrog insurance, Orc-damage, and Invasion insurance. Oh and i must warn you about the Watcher. He's pretty docile unless you start throwing rocks in the water. Oh and if you ever find The doors of Durin again the password is Mellon. Now that's Mel-lon. Like the Elvish word not the mellon that you eat. So should we start the paperwork?

[Morsul the Dark]

Trying to Sell the paths of the dead

besides the gohosts this is very lovely you will need an excersist though

[ninlaith]

Lothlorien I think would be easy in some aspects.

It's a beautiful walk isn't it. Sorry you all had to be blind folded all the way through it, but if you're nice to your neighbors maybe they'll let go without them next time. I hear you like the waterfront and the whole boating scene so I think you'll enjoy it here. It's very quiet, peaceful, and safe which will save you on insurance. You've got Galadriel's mirror which can be helpful in preventing accidents. There's just one problem. You're going to be spending a fortune on candles. So for my gift at the gift giving ceremony I will not charge you for staying here. Stay as long as you like. But I warn you it might be longer than you think.

[ninlaith]

Nooooooooooo I fear my thread might be going down in flames!!! :(

[Himhenwen]

Oh yes the Dead Marshes!!!!! What a lovely spot!
It would be a vacation hot spot but just don't look into the light!

[Himhenwen]

Hey Ninlaith
Would the Fellow Ship have drank Pepsi or Coke...
What do you think?

[The Perky Ent]

The fellowship drinks coke :) Mordor drinks, makes, and ships Pepsi!

[ninlaith]

I think they would drink Vanilla Coke. It goes down smoother and it has sort of a Middle-Earth essence to it.... ;)

[ninlaith]

i like thinking that raspberry schweppes is like miruvor sometimes too.

[Morsul the Dark]

Tom Bombadil having watched a 24hour Bll cosby marathon decides his tune too

Hey hey hey dadillio
hey hey hey dadillio
etc...

(fat abbot voice)

[Elven Hunter]

If only Frodo drank a solution of sugar + spice + everything nice + chemical X

then he would be able to fly to Mordor and destroy the ring easily. :D

Although he would have to live with large eyes and stop crime before bedtime.

[ninlaith]

heheheh those are good

[Morsul the Dark]

one day at Hogwartz

Dumbldore:settle down we have a special guest today Gandalf the White Mr. White if you please say a few words...

Gandalf: But of course the secret to being a good wizard is in the wand now I hear you all bought yours at ALevanders but there is only one wand for me, Wands of Valinor... "Wands of Valinor theyre just better"

[dancing spawn of ungoliant]

What a market hole there would have been for a radar during the War of the Ring! Very handy when spotting flying Nazguls (or Nazguli...).

Hey, a random mental picture: what if LotR was a Disney animation. At the Pelennor fields orcs are gathering and Gondorians are marching out of the city. All draw out their swords and - - burst into a song! "Heeyy, we are scary orcs and we want to conquer yor little cityyyy...tralalalalaaaah."
Or better yet, a slum musical. There are East Side (Mordor) vs. West Side (the rest). And there is a big gang fight about the one BlingBling that rules them all...

[Morsul the Dark]

Imagine if one of the Nazgul had a wife

Wife-I told you we would get lost
Nazgul-We're not lost we're going to the shire this is a shorcut
W-thats what you said three hours ago why dont you stop and ask for directions?
N-Because I don't need directions why is it whenever we run late you blame my Riding skills?
W-Well a woman would already have found this Baggins person and gotten the ring by now!
N-Fine!! #@#@$@@$....there's someone...Shire! Baggins!

(and thats why the nazgul was grumpy)

[elronds_daughter]

The fellowship drinks coke. Mordor drinks, makes, and ships Pepsi! i'm with you there!!! but i picture Boromir as sort of a Pepsi guy....;)


I think they would drink Vanilla Coke. It goes down smoother and it has sort of a Middle-Earth essence to it. except Boromir. :p

*ducks from the pummeling she recieves from Boromir and Pepsi fans* I'M KIDDING!!!! the forum's called Middle Earth Mirth for a reason, people! :p

[ninlaith]

Those are all very good. I especially like the Nazgul and his wife one. You know come to think of it that's probably why the Nazgul killed the watchman a Hobbiton. They have to take out their frustration somehow.

[Hookbill the Goomba]

Ok, hears a kind of extremely corny one.

Elrond, a formal suet.
"Mr Aragorn, welcome back! Do you like what I've done with the place?"

Sorry, could not resist.

[ninlaith]

You know i was thinking..they should make Middle-Earth traveling cookware for college students...walkin' from class to class you work up a powerful hunger. I'll warrant they'd make a bundle...no pun intended.

[Himhenwen]

HaHaHA and to go with the Ninlaith's Cookware they could come up with a "Hall Horn". Sounds stupid but just think about it... Your walking down the hall in high school or across campus at college and you can't find you friend in all of the crowds so you sound your horn and your friend sounds their's and you find each other. It would save on yelling!

[Zebedee]

I personaly wonder how it would have turned out if the Rohirim had lassos and six-shooters. Orcs should have muskets to make it fair.

Also I would like to see one Gondorian shoot down a Nazgul with a Stinger Missle!

Or what would happen if the Lord of the Nazgul and Eowyn were Kung Fu fighting?

[elronds_daughter]

Or what would happen if the Lord of the Nazgul and Eowyn were Kung Fu fighting? ok, i just about laughed my head off at the picture that brought to my mind.


what if....

TV dinners had been "invented" (if you can call it that): Eowyn asks if we want any stew, and we have an excuse!:D Hurrah!

TV itself had been invented. No need to use a palantir to find out the news. just flip on one of the many divisions of M-ENN (Middle-Earth Network News)

[ninlaith]

Yeah Himhenwen, I wish i had one of those horns for myself...And Zebedee I have just one thing to say to you.......Everybody was Kung-Fu fighting!

[Zebedee]

Instead of a pipe, I think Gandalf should smoke cigars.

Also, what if Elrond hosted a talk radio show, and Pippen always called but never got through.

[Feanor of the Peredhil]

Look what I found. (http://forum.barrowdowns.com/showthread.php?t=5074)

[ninlaith]

That was cruel Feanor....I thought i was the first to come up with a thread like this........sniffle :(

[Feanor of the Peredhil]

No cruelness intended, ninlaith, I simply meant to augment your already spectacular thread.

Fea

[ninlaith]

OH!!...thank you....I'm so touched... ;)

[elronds_daughter]

Also, what if Elrond hosted a talk radio show, and Pippen always called but never got through.
true, true. Though, I think Denethor should host the talk show. Maybe call it, The Citadel, or Voices of Gondor....and whoever else is listening.

[Morgoth's Apprentice]

I have always wondered what would happen if Morgoth came back from the Void and tried to reclaim his lordship?

Also what would happen is one of the Valar went on a rampage and decided to take out Sauron?

Someone help me out with this!!!!!

[Galadriel55]

I have always wondered what would happen if Morgoth came back from the Void and tried to reclaim his lordship?

The Dagor Dagorath

Also what would happen is one of the Valar went on a rampage and decided to take out Sauron?

Another War of Wrath, though it probably wouldn't result in the sinking of ME.


Sauron set off a nucler reaction in Mordor before he built Barad Dur, the reason for the land to be so formidable (and for the gigantic thorns!). If he did the same to clear Ithilien... :D But then he'd blast Minas Ithil to pieces...