If I found 200,000 orcs on my front door, I would.... [Archive]

lord of dor-lomin

03-08-2005, 11:01 PM

Funny thread.
negotiate a peace treaty
Ha ha! :D Taking the French approach, I see.

What would I do? Hmm...

I know! I'd start a rumor that Turin came back to life, then I'd paint a sword black and charge at them. They'd probably run away.

If that didn't work, well, I suppose I'd ask everyone I knew if they were friends with the Ents, or at least knew where I could find a grove of orc-hating Huorns.

Lyta_Underhill

03-08-2005, 11:31 PM

If I found 200,000 orcs on my front door, I would.... laugh and point and wonder how they got so small they could fit on my front door! ;) Then I'd cover the door with a thick coat of barn red paint to make it match the roof! Bye bye 200,000 tiny orcs!

Cheers!
Lyta

P.S. Then I'd put my tiny houseplant Huorns out and let them feast on whatever tiny orcs fell off the door...

Estelyn Telcontar

03-09-2005, 02:17 AM

If I found 200,000 orcs on my front door, I would....

...resurrect Martin Luther and have him nail his 95 theses to the door - preferably with 200,000 nails!

Nilpaurion Felagund

03-09-2005, 02:56 AM

Show them they could be redeemed.

Celebuial

03-09-2005, 03:16 AM

I don't think I'd be able to do much as the sent of my flesh would probably send them wild, so they'd jump on me and tear me to pieces!

Ok, if they didn't jump at me straight away I'd pull out The One Ring which permanently lives around my neck on its very own silver chain, and put it on. I would then be so powerful I could bend their will to leaving my front door! Not that I would then get much peace as I imagine I would now be incredibly evil and try and take over the world. This would be so much hard work I would most likely die of exhaustion!

Ok, who am I kidding? I'd slam the door shut, run to the back of the house like I was being pursued by, well, 200 000 Orcs; throw open the back door and never come back to this part of Middle-Earth again! Of course I would probably die in The Wild....

Hmmmmmmmmm. *scratches head :smokin: * I seem to always end up dying....

Rimbaud

03-09-2005, 03:36 AM

Start a business manufacturing orcish products. They'd be happy little consumers in no time, and I would become bloated and wealthy. It's the Gondorian dream.

Lalwendë

03-09-2005, 07:17 AM

If I found 200,000 orcs on my front door, I would....

Sigh resignedly and dig deep into my pockets as I paid for 200,000 cotton tea-towels, before signing 200,000 sponsored walk pledge sheets and saying 200,000 times "No, I don't want anything from the Avon book, thank you" before closing the door and collapsing into an exhausted heap.

Meneltarmacil

03-09-2005, 07:51 AM

I'd threaten to give them all a bath. That would probably be sufficient to frighten them off. ;)

However, there don't really seem to be a lot of realistic options here other than "Die".

Lolidir

03-09-2005, 07:52 AM

If I were to find 200,000 orcs on my front door, I would most likely run into my room and get my fighting knives (the ones that are like Legolas' but they are because they are mine), which i had just purchaced some where becaue i want them so bad, i would then proceed to call my friend who has Anduril. he would come over and we would both fight bravely and would most likely be over run and have to retreat not into the Hornburg mainly because i dont have one, but into first my kitchen to grab a bite to eat and replenish our strength and then into the bathroom as it is the smallest place and it would be hard for like 200,000 orcs to fit in there so we would have more of a chance. After fighting for a long time we would eventually show that we are so skilled in fighting and that the orcs dont have a chance, so the remaining ones would run away. my friend and i would choose not to pursue them on account that we just fought off like 170,000 or so orcs.

Beanamir of Gondor

03-09-2005, 07:53 AM

If I found 200,000 orcs on my front doorstep, I would...

...invite them in for tea and then drug them with multiple Pan Galactic Gargle Blasters. Then I would hide them in my basement, chained to the walls, and when I didn't like my dinner I would throw it to them. Nyay.

Bêthberry

03-09-2005, 08:38 AM

Demonstrate the delights of shield-boarding down my steps. :p :D

Eomer of the Rohirrim

03-09-2005, 08:52 AM

Find some hemlock.

TomBrady12

03-09-2005, 08:58 AM

Put on some ultra strong ear muffs and crank up the Dixie Chicks...gotta watch out for friendly fire though

TB12

Formendacil

03-09-2005, 09:59 AM

200,000 orks is a disaster waiting to happen. All that I need to effect it is a few costumes, a little bit of wit, and a nuclear bomb shelter.

To start off, when I find 200,000 orks on my doorstep, my first move is to don my generic-ork costume, slap on a silvery S-rune, and go visit the Isengarders. There, I spread the rumour that the Moria-orks prefere the command of the Mordor-orks to the Isengarders.

Before things get too hot there, I switch emblems, and go visit the orks of Lugburz, and discreetly whisper that the Isengarders plan to let the Mordor-orks lead the charge, and get slaughtered, so that they can feast on Mordor-ork-flesh.

Then I scrap all emblems, and dash over to the Misty Mountain goblin camp, and inform them that the Mordor orks have killed Blub, the illegitimate son of Bolg and the Great Goblin. Without stopping to see their reactions, I run over to my bomb shelter, and await the explosion.

Three hours, twenty-six minutes later, I emerge, having shaved, washed, and put on perfume and Elf-clothes. I brandish my bow and sword and do my best Elf-warrior impersonation. If the two-and-a-half remaining orks don't flee in terror, they'll probably die of laughter.

Annalaliath

03-09-2005, 03:31 PM

weild my wooden sword in one hand and my sabor bayonett in the other, when my wooden on breaks grab the cast Iron frying pan, and throw my Tree Beird action figure at them... when all this fails just run away...

mark12_30

03-09-2005, 03:37 PM

Look up to see if Frodo had destroyed the Ring yet.

the guy who be short

03-09-2005, 03:53 PM

Bar the gates!

Then take my trusty bow (made of a few small pieces of wood) and irritate them with my seven ro so arrows. Then barricade myself and presume that I have more supplies for one person in my house than the orcs have supplies outside. :p

Sett

03-09-2005, 04:15 PM

If i found 200,000 orcs outside my front door i would.

1. Get the hose and spray down those smelly things
2. Get them to buy aprons from the local store
3. Give them gardening tools and say the weeds stole there land.
4. and finally i would get them to pose as gnomes so i dont get damned Jehovas Witnessess coming to the door

lothlorien

03-09-2005, 06:13 PM

gnomes that's so funny I'd hate to visit your house imagine the instant carnage that would be your yard every time someone came to visit and your like "Mum the knomes just killed our neighbor again" :D.

Encaitare

03-09-2005, 08:41 PM

4. and finally i would get them to pose as gnomes so i dont get damned Jehovas Witnessess coming to the door

Call the Jehovah's Witnesses Hotline and get them all to come to my house so they can distract the orcs and try to convert them, while I slip quietly away through the back door. :p

The Only Real Estel

03-09-2005, 09:41 PM

If I found 200,000 orcs on my front door, I would....

Um...lock the door and scream like a little girl!? :eek: :p

Oddwen

03-09-2005, 10:44 PM

1) Well, first I'd hop quickly to the BarrowDowns to see what advice I could get in two-point-five seconds, and then I'd turn on my iTunes visual effects to hypnotize them, and while that was happening I'd sneak out the back door.

2) I would bribe them with raw cookie dough. Then hope they get salmonella really quickly.

3) Wake up.

4) Grab my BB gun and...fire off two shots before I die.

5) Get them involved in the Balrog Wing debate. After all, wouldn't some of them have seen/not seen wings?

6) Blast some Korn or Disturbed at them...woo, look at 'em run!

7) Start some "drums in the deep" of my own. http://1.forumer.com/html/emoticons/oddwensplace/music334.gif

8) Tell them the Barrow-Wight thinks that they're off topic. ( :eek: )

9) Tell them that the general concensus is that them being on MY doorstep is non-canonical.

10) Wonder if this will interfere with my visits to the BD's...

Neurion

03-09-2005, 10:48 PM

2) I would bribe them with raw cookie dough. Then hope they get salmonella really quickly.Doubt it. I've been eating it my entire life. :p :D

Great thoughts everyone. Keep it up! :cool:

Annalaliath

03-10-2005, 01:05 AM

mmm
attack them with my frying pan.. it would crush a few skulls.

Nilpaurion Felagund

03-10-2005, 01:54 AM

Ask them whether they are corrupted beasts, corrupted Elves, corrupted Men, Úmaiar, or any combinations thereof.

While they wonder, I get as far away as I can.

Who am I kidding? Eönwë trained me in the art of sword-fighting. I'll show them why somehow they haven't won a decent war since the First Age.

alatar

03-10-2005, 12:55 PM

Here's a plan:

1. Shut the door. That should slow them down a bit.

2. Use my keyfob to set off my car alarm. Not only would it cause a little wonder in the orcs, it would torque off my neighbors who, armed to the teeth (this is 'Merica!), would start shooting just to get the noise to stop.

3. Call the police. Most local police carry enough firepower to handle a few thousand or so orcs, but what would really get them going would be me telling them that the orcs were having some kind of religious rally without a permit. The ACLU lawyers sniffing the line would beat the cops to the scene, and, by all accounts, those lawyers can be pretty tough.

4. Call the local Teamsters. "Hey, I gotta some guys here who are working below union scale." One might pity the orcs.

5. The next calls would be to cable TV and satellite dish companies who, so hot on signing up a new customer, would be there in minutes. Some of the orcs would be caught in the ensuing crossfire.

6. Call a timeshare company and tell them that there are ~200,000 potential clients at my door if they would be so interested to stop by. Need I say more?

7. Use my video camera to capture the fun for sale later to the local news. Hey, what's wrong with turning a buck on the whole deal?

After that, I'd sit back and load up ROTK EE on the DVD player to find the next thing to nitpick about in the movies forum ("...just why doesn't Merry's cape make him invisible on the Pelennor Fields?"

Eomer of the Rohirrim

03-10-2005, 02:16 PM

If Buck McCoy has taught me anything, it's that any foe can be defeated with a lasso.

I'd have a quick search for a lasso.

Fordim Hedgethistle

03-10-2005, 02:21 PM

Call Peter Jackson and tell him that I have an army of extras big enough for him to do the battle of Pelennor Fields again without cgi.

And then I'd send out the lawyers to negotiate an exclusive representation contract with the orcs so that I could take a %10 finder's fee from each of them for getting them signed up with Jackson for the reshoot of the battle.

Glirdan

03-10-2005, 05:14 PM

Let's see. Firstly, call all my friends and tell them the good news (that there are actually orcs) and the bad news (that they're gonna slaughter me possibly). Next, lock the door and get a fake bow and just start shooting at them like mad when they start hacking at the door. If that doesn't work, I'd run to the back and jump out the window. Unfourtunatley, there is no window so I'd just smash into the wall. Then I'd get up and do it again. I'd probably do that until I was unconcoious. Then I'd get on the computer, come to the Barrow-downs and tell every about my exciting new video game where 200,00 orcs show up at your front door.

Glirdy

ElementFire

03-10-2005, 06:16 PM

kick butt! what else? (apart from negociating lawyers...) I would probably use some nunchucks and karate!!! :D
~EF

Annalaliath

03-10-2005, 07:38 PM

call my grandmother to bring me my 22 rifle real qu8ick, and to bring whatever gun she has, in the mean time use my bayonett and my frying pan

Maeggaladiel

03-11-2005, 10:49 AM

Tell them for the fifteenth time that the National Orc Conference is NEXT weekend.

Mithalwen

03-11-2005, 11:58 AM

Call a psychiatrist.

Lalwendë

03-11-2005, 03:14 PM

If I found 200,000 orcs on my front door, I would....

...Wonder what I'd had to drink last night.

Nilpaurion Felagund

03-13-2005, 07:17 PM

See how they'd react to "knock-knock" jokes.

Me: Knock knock?

200,000 Orcs: Who's there?

Me: 200,000 Orcs.

200,000: 200,000 Orcs who?

Me: I dunno. I was hoping you knew the answer to that one.

Gurthang

03-13-2005, 08:06 PM

Tell them that they had the wrong house. Frodo lives on the next block. :D

AND

Wonder how I could count 200,000 orcs so quickly. :rolleyes:

OR

Go find a full sized mirror and scare them with the reflection of 200,000 orcs. :eek:

Hama Of The Riddermark

03-14-2005, 07:07 AM

Offer them a cookie?

Orc: Rarrarghahtarahgha Uruk Hai!

Me: Cookie?

Carrûn

03-14-2005, 07:54 AM

Start a rumor that the short orcs wanted to kill the tall orcs.

Sit back with some popcorn and observe.

Mithalwen

03-14-2005, 02:20 PM

Or say "he's not the messiah... he's a very naughty boy" ?

Esgallhugwen

03-15-2005, 06:02 PM

Convince them to join my Legion of Darkness because it has better member benefits of course.

or

Reach for my trusty mace....oh that's right I havn't bought one yet, hmm this could be problematic to my future.

Celebaglar

03-15-2005, 07:30 PM

Bring out a cd player in lingerie and play afternoon delight.

Tymezennith

03-23-2005, 03:34 PM

Not really sure what I'd do with 200,000 orcs, but maybe:
1)Snatch a bunch of order forms and get them to buy my little sister's girl scout cookies
2)Subscribe to a pyramid scheme selling jewelry and get filthy rich :D
3)tell them I only have one toilet and the rest will have to go someplace else, but please not on my lawn.
4)scream, slam the door, hide in some dark corner downstairs and get my fiendish little brother to open the door.

Celebaglar

03-24-2005, 07:49 PM

id huff and puff and blow their house down

Princess Ai

03-24-2005, 09:13 PM

hmmmm 200000 orcs

oh s#i#!

Hookbill the Goomba

03-25-2005, 02:55 AM

200000 orcs at the door,

"Oh no, not again! What is it this time?"

OR

I'd offer them accommodation for the night, but no breakfast, they deserve no less for coming so late!

HerenIstarion

03-25-2005, 06:39 AM

If I found 200,000 orcs on my front door, I would....

Close the door. Upon some reflection - stop drinking. Right now. Upon some more reflection - go splash some cold water over my head. Upon even more reflection - check the door again. If orks were still there, well, try to dispose myself to salutary mood real quick and prepare to die, meanwhile posing a question of 'yes, may I help you' (who knows, maybe it's not me they are after, after all?) in the most unobtrusive tone I could possibly manage given the circumstances.

Or maybe die of fright on the spot

Eomer of the Rohirrim

03-25-2005, 01:48 PM

Challenge the leader and two of his best Orcs to a game of Monopoly (because it takes ages to finish) and hope to casually win them over with my lovely character. If that got a bit heated then I would amuse them with magic tricks.

The Orcs would grow to like me and leave my home without hurting anyone.

Falkor

03-25-2005, 02:22 PM

If I found 200,000 orcs on my front door, I would...

Smirk as they bowed in humble reverence before my dark, dimented glory.
Then I'd politely say thank you as one of them got me a Pina Colada, while the rest give me neck massages, put soothing music on the CD player, and started up the jaccuzzi.
*sigh* It's a hard life... *evil smirk*

Lalwendë

03-25-2005, 04:49 PM

Challenge the leader and two of his best Orcs to a game of Monopoly (because it takes ages to finish)

I would challenge them to a game of that classic from the 70's, Escape From Colditz. It took so long to gather the little cards which gave your plastic men guns or fake passports that you began to wonder if they were ever going to get out, and then when they did, they'd land on a square where they'd get caught. The Orcs would die of boredom. ;)

Or else I'd challenge them to a game of darts. With my useless throwing I'd knock out one hundred and eighty Orcs a time with one arrow.

Mithalwen

03-26-2005, 02:00 PM

If this were a while ago....

Tell my sister her date had arrived (and brought his family) ;)

Elennar Starfire

03-27-2005, 02:21 PM

Call Falky to come cover my back, then proceed to kick their derrieres. :smokin:

THE Ka

03-27-2005, 07:01 PM

Formally introduce myself and my animals, then proceed to teach them the Time Warp...

Afterwards, I think we would have a lovely victorian picnic in a cemetery, or I would conduct an art lesson...

I really don't know what we would do... Or I would do for that matter with 200,000 orcs at my door. Maybe I could invite Melkor or something over. Not Sauron though, I have a suspicion that he would steal them... While Melkor would give me tips on how to care for them. Then, we could sit, drink tea and talk philosophy and music. Besides, Melkor is cooler anyway...

~Ka

Nilpaurion Felagund

03-28-2005, 02:55 AM

Tell them, in as kindly a voice as I can wield, that they do not exist.

Tuor of Gondolin

03-29-2005, 02:50 PM

Hmm.

What if 200,00 orcs, after reading a fantasy novel in which they are
negatively stereotyped as evil guys who get killed by the good guys,
become born again proselytizing American Christian fundamentalists
(say, hare krishnas or Mormons). They go back in time to 1950s Oxford
and try to convert to their cause an Oxford don scholar/writer. This
professor becomes so irritated with their constant knocking on his
door and driving past in cars with bad exhausts he decides to put them
in the fantasy novel he is writing as bad guys who get killed by the
good guys, a book which is eventually read by 200,000 orcs who,
after reading this fantasy novel.......

Ainaserkewen

03-29-2005, 05:40 PM

I'd do what I do with most everyone who comes to my door.

Sign for the package and/or refuse to by the vacuum and/or tell them I'm not interested in converting and/or don't need a home security system and/or not by candy and/or give pop cans and if they don't go away, release my hound.

the guy who be short

05-16-2005, 12:43 PM

Wander about, looking for female Orcs to determine their existance. At the same time, I would wonder how and army of 200,000 managed to fit on so small a front lawn.

Memory of Trees

05-19-2005, 01:00 PM

Use my evil Snithy mind powers to convince them that they are my evil minions and must do my bidding. Then I would have them weed my lawn BY HAND!!! MUAHAHAHAHAchoke*cough*ack... and then they would have to watch endless reruns of American Idol with me while drinking cold tea!!!! POWERRRR!!!! :D

Holbytlass

05-19-2005, 03:25 PM

being the hobbit that I am, I'd feed them to death. Have a nice day. :)

the guy who be short

05-19-2005, 03:33 PM

But Holbytlass... there isn't enough of you to feed 200,000 orcs. :p

Holbytlass

05-19-2005, 03:45 PM

Hahahahaha!! Too funny, guy who be short. I suppose I would have to throw them my children first!! And, what, pray tell would you do, oh quick-witted one?
I just went back and saw what you did. So, did you find any females? Were they to your liking? And have you figured out the great question of our time of them fitting on the lawn?

the guy who be short

05-19-2005, 03:54 PM

Hm... I've posted two or three times on the topic. But in all likelyhood, I would stick to my original plan and lie besieged. Bring orcs, I don't think they'd be organised enough to have provisions to wait out a siege. And any assault would obviously fail: I would have plenty of boiling water at the ready!
Yes... that just might work.

I'm afraid to say that the army has yet to invade my town, and I therefore have not had the chance to hunt for female orcs. Perhaps it's better for my sanity this way. :)

Now that I think about it, the 200,000 would probably swarm around the street rather than just in my front lawn... My mistake.

Holbytlass

05-19-2005, 09:13 PM

All right, beseiged it is. You bring the water and I'll bring the food and a deck of cards. You do play, don't you? Anyone else care to join? All head to Guy who be short's place, it's the one with the small front lawn. Don't forget to bring something to share.

the guy who be short

05-20-2005, 05:14 AM

Wonderful idea, Holbytlass :D If the stores do run out, we can turn to cannibalism.

More details on the siege:
Board up the lower windows with planks from the garage so they cant be broken through.

Pour boiling water, the cheap substitute for oil, onto the orcs from the upper windows.

Throw antique lamps and other such parental belongings at the orcs. Perhaps set them on fire first.

Play loud rock music :D Especially Blind Guardian.

Hm... I think I need more detail. What did the orcs bring? If they have siege weaponry I'm in trouble. I'm presuming they just have their little scimitars and swords?

Holbytlass

05-20-2005, 06:53 AM

We will have to enlist Formendacil's help. He/She said they had a generic-orc costume, and very good at mixing it up with the enemy. They could go on a reconnisance mission.

Formendacil

05-20-2005, 12:30 PM

We will have to enlist Formendacil's help. He/She said they had a generic-orc costume, and very good at mixing it up with the enemy. They could go on a reconnisance mission.

Oh dear...

It appears that I have been found out...

In reality, all references to my bravery, cleverness, bomb shelter, and even the Ork costume, are figments of my (rather active) imagination.

Although I imagine that a generic ork costume, due to the rather scruffy nature of the generic ork, would be quite easy to manufacture. Lots of cloth, rusty armour, assortment of dirty cultlery, and a lot of dark facepaint (well-smeared) ought to do the trick.

I'm far from an expert on the subject, but I'm willing to help, if I can... Although my main experience with lawn-battles tends to deal with lawnmowers....

~Definitely male,

Formendacil~

Glofin

05-21-2005, 03:14 PM

Hope I had a fast horse and a back door.

Memory of Trees

05-21-2005, 07:26 PM

Go back inside, of course!

the guy who be short

05-22-2005, 06:50 AM

I've just realised that my siege idea wouldn't work. Orcs wouldn't run out of stores - they'd just eat one another.
I guess I could try and withstand the siege and wait until the majority of the army has been consumed, then make a break for it...

Orc pie, anyone?

Glirdan

05-23-2005, 12:15 PM

Guy who be short, would you happen to have any more room in that card game you were planning? It's better than my idea anyway. What kind of person would want to try and jump out a window that doesn't exisist? Oh, right, that would be me............

the guy who be short

05-23-2005, 01:46 PM

Let us look at the wording of the question once more.

If I found 200,000 orcs on my front door, I would....

This is a happy scenario: the orcs only appear at one person's house, not all. Therefore, whilst one of us is beseiged and slowly goes insane through loneliness, the others can continue living their merry lives. Unfortunately, this means no communal card games. :(
However, if I am besieged, I extend offers to all of you to dig your way in for a game of cards. :)

A thought: If the Orcs were on the front door... surely they'd be tiny little ants swarming over it? In which case, a can of bug spray and problem solved.

EDIT: laugh and point and wonder how they got so small they could fit on my front door! Then I'd cover the door with a thick coat of barn red paint to make it match the roof! Bye bye 200,000 tiny orcs!

Ah, apparently it wasn't my idea. Oh well.

Larien Telemnar

05-25-2005, 07:48 PM

Run around screaming and calling for help.

Or perhaps I would grab my frying pan and start knocking them around, then slip out among the confusion because of how short I am, they'd think one of their own had attacked some of them, they'd kill each other off, problem solved.

Or I would baracade the door................ Yeah, THAT'D do a whole honkin' lot of good! *Snort* Let's here it for the mouse Hobbit! :)

Lady_Galadriel

05-26-2005, 09:41 AM

If i found 200,000 orcs outside my front door i would.

1. Get the hose and spray down those smelly things
.. hey you took my idea!!! first i would hose down the nasty orcs and when they were nice and wet they would go mentally insane becasue they dont know how to deal with being sparkly clean!!! ;)

4. and finally i would get them to pose as gnomes so i dont get damned Jehovas Witnessess coming to the door oh i labsolutley love that idea!! orkish lawn gnomes!!! yay!!!!!! :D

Amanaduial the archer

05-26-2005, 10:22 AM

Wonder what took them so long. Psh. You just can't get the staff these days...*mutters*

Hookbill the Goomba

05-26-2005, 10:27 AM

If I found 200,000 Orcs on my front door, I would ask them if they take sugar in their tea.

OR

If I found 200,000 Orcs on my front door, I would tell them to get off it.

malkatoj

05-28-2005, 11:50 AM

If I found 200,000 orcs on my front door, I would offer them tea and spike it with Vodka...or whatever you spike tea with. I'd wait for them to get drunk enough that they forgot about me and sneak off, waiting for their drunkenness, in conjunction with their belligerent nature, to cause them to kill themselves off.

Vinyacoriel

06-07-2005, 11:27 PM

Well, first I'd scream like crazy and then start asking them all these questions like, "did you fight the fellowship" "if so, how did you survive"... and they'd be so confused that they wouldn't see me calling up my friend to get his girlfriend's army of penguins that will one day dominate the earth (long story, don't ask) and after they all die, I'd get my one ring and when I use it the witchking will come and kill me, but the hobbits will live on and rule the world!!!!!

Gil-Galad

06-08-2005, 07:15 AM

Direct them to the nearest "How to save your mone fast" Seminar, thus making them bankrupt by the pyramid-sceme and making then into hobos...

yavanna II

06-09-2005, 05:30 AM

Summon Anakin Skywalker to my side with my thought the way I summoned those orcs... :rolleyes:

Kitanna

06-09-2005, 09:29 AM

If 200,000 orcs showed up on my doorstep...
1) If it were me I'd get the fetal position and cry
2) If I were my alter ego I'd kill them all in a blaze of glory
3) If I was without sleep for a few days I'd call upon Obi-Wan Kenobi and Gandalf and have them kill them in a blaze of glory

WaynetheGoblin

07-26-2005, 07:40 PM

ID RUN AND SCREAM LIKE A LITTEL GIRL. :eek:

High King Fingolfin

07-27-2005, 01:26 PM

1) If it were me I'd get the fetal position and cry 2) If I were my alter ego I'd kill them all in a blaze of glory 3) If I was without sleep for a few days I'd call upon Obi-Wan Kenobi and Gandalf and have them kill them in a blaze of glory

Good Idea! I think I would definitely do the first. Or run outside waving a letter opener shouting ELENDILLLLLLLL!!!!!!

Annalaliath

07-27-2005, 05:12 PM

i would still be thrashing at them with my frying pan...

Gil-Galad

07-27-2005, 05:30 PM

Convert them under my rule and how to save on house insurance with my crafty speech

"I can tell these suckers anything, now if you really beleive in this idea to help yourself, slap yourself in the face *SLAP* works every time"

Gurthang

07-28-2005, 12:54 PM

...turn to the camera and say, "I should have gotten Capital One!"

Gurthang

07-31-2005, 11:26 PM

Tell one of the Uruks(from Isengard) that one of the Mordor Orcs called him a pansy. The ensuing fight would cause a civil war, which would leave only a few bruised orcs left for my handy-dandy longsword to handle. :D

P.S. Apologizes for the double post.

Dimturiel

08-03-2005, 11:26 AM

If I found 200,000 orcs on my front door...

1)I would comfort myself with the thought that next time I may find 200,000 elves on my front door. :)
2) I would wonder how long wold it take my owl to deliver a message to Aragorn, and how long would it take for him to muster an army great enough to fight 200,000 orcs and come and get me out of there.

Valesse

08-07-2005, 07:34 PM

1) Ask them to return to the gate so that you may roll out a red carpet which is actually just some fly paper with nectar spilled all over it.

2) Insist that Sauron wants them ALL to wipe their feet before coming inside. It's one thing to be nasty, but another thing entirely to be just plain inconsiderate.

3) Pull up MapQuest for "Orthanc, IG.", point out that they have the wrong 'Earth', but ultimately end up finding a good use for my economy pack of Febreeze bottles.

4) Pull up MapQuest and direct them to Richard Taylor's residence.

Glirdan

08-16-2005, 10:51 AM

1) Poke my head out the door then ask my parents " Who ordered the 200, 000 orcs!?!?!?"

2) Tell them to get off my sisters tent because if they don't she'll go ballastic and probably annoy them to death with her crying and yelling

3) Open the door and look around for the camera's. Once I find out that they're are none around, ask them what they are doing here. The I'll invite them in for tea or coffee (or in my case, pop or a cappuccino) pull up a map of the U.S on my computer and show them were L.A. is located

4) Do the same as above, but when they leave, I'll point them in the direction of the Arctic

Morsul the Dark

08-16-2005, 10:56 AM

following kitana's format

if it were me in my very non-emotional way I would get annoyed yell at everyone then ignore them till they get the point.(if they werent threatening me)

if it were me and I were threatened I would cry in my basement.

If it were my alter go I would call upon the burzenyd to enslave this evil creatures for my own purposes of destroting trogdar the burninator! :smokin:

Gurthang

08-16-2005, 01:42 PM

I'd pull out my trusty light-saber and have a whole lot of fun. :D

I'd pull out my six-shooter and shoot six of 'em before I died.

I'd pull out my Gandalf-the-Grey-Uncloaked cardboard cut-out and scare them all away. :rolleyes:

Glirdan

08-23-2005, 12:41 PM

THE Ka

08-23-2005, 01:00 PM

Like Russia can do with diamonds, I would flood the global market with orc sweat cosmetics and orc skin cell wintercoats. Maybe, even some fitness drinks make from their saliva... It would go something like this:

.~:Orcish Saliva Fitness Drinks! :~.

On the go, or wherever you need them! Blended, steamed, hot or cold, great taste should be sacrificed for great looks!

~Aesthete

Elrowen Tinúviel

08-23-2005, 11:25 PM

If I was my alter-ego, I'd don my mithril armor, grab my bow, and sword, bar the door and call for help. At the barred door I would wait, for either the Orcs to make a move, or my assistance to arrive (in the form of Elladan, Elrohir, and a detachment of Rangers and Rohirrim). :D

If I were myself... I would pray really hard - and call some friends of mine. I'd don my Mongol armor (which would be completed by then), and get all the heavy weapons fighters in Trimaris (SCA kingdom) to come help me fight... the marshall who's training me would bring his collection of weapons... give me a sword and shield, and he'd kick some serious orc butt with his glaive. :D
Oh, and get the SWAT team to come out.... I'm sure that between the medieval-style heavy weapons, and the SWAT guys, we could take out the orcs... or, just throw a bomb in the middle of them, and while they're standing around wondering what it is, the explosive blows up, and all the orcs can wave bye bye. :p

-Elrowen

Glirdan

08-26-2005, 09:40 AM

1) Play hide and seek with them and while one of them is "it", don on an orc costume and then escape.

2) Get Grima, Bilbo, Gandalf, Eomer, Legolas, Gimli and Aragorn so they can play hide and seek with the orcs while I go on E-bay and buy a sword, shield and mithril armour which, when it arrives, is 3 sizes to small.

3) Go back to my original plan and send them to Alaska.

Eomer of the Rohirrim

08-26-2005, 10:12 AM

Get them drunk and steal their wallets.

Or if that didn't work and they actually wanted to devour me, I would sail away down the river into the Sea. Let them have my castle; I only stole it from some guy anyway.

Bergil

08-27-2005, 02:29 PM

...quickly sketch the queen, write five bucks beside the picture, grab a banner, thank them for their quick delivery, hand them the paper saying here's your tip then leave thru the back door as they fight over it. hopefully, I'll be long gone before they remember they aren't deliverymen!

Glirdan

08-27-2005, 02:36 PM

Get Aragorn to come with his army of green slimy dead guys who were actually men who decided to go for a swim in the Anduin before the fight. :p :D

Nuranar

08-28-2005, 09:03 PM

... grab Brother No. 1's Airsoft pistol and cock it as while breaking swiftly and silently for the front door. I'd quietly open the door, so as not to frighten off the game, then burst out shooting. By the time my clip is half empty Brothers No. 2 and 3 and Mother, alerted by the sound of my pistol cocking and themselves armed with pistol, Schmeisser, and pistol, respectively, would be outside and shooting as well. Only after the horde took off down the street on foot would we realize that they weren't marauding Grackles Of Unusual Size after our green pecans.

Cailín

08-29-2005, 03:24 AM

1) -if I were plain me- immediately believe my strange fantasies and imaginary world was true and probably be able to kill them all with my make-believe superpowers.

2) -if I were my alter ego- I would wimper, hide in an obvious place and start crying hysterically. My alter-ego is so uncool... :rolleyes:

Valesse

08-29-2005, 10:36 AM

I might find myself bellowing that there is a single good guy behind them and watch the group turn into disarray, ultimantly being destroyed. That, or I would pull a Jane Goodall...or at least try. There are so many things we could learn from orcs... how to gnash our teeth right, or maybe the art of smearing rancid smelling paint on our faces.... sigh

Glirdan

09-01-2005, 08:33 AM

1) Get Gandalf to uncloak himself in front of them

2) If I were myself, look around and ask where PJ is so I could get his autograph.

3) If I were my alter-ego, run out of the house right into their midst and because they would be so stunned by this wierd action, I'd be able to escape without getting hurt.

The Perky Ent

09-02-2005, 12:37 AM

...get out the good china...and walk away slowly...

Hookbill the Goomba

09-02-2005, 12:44 AM

I would tell them to use the back door.

OR

I would ask which one was called Bernard and hope they started an argument over which one it was and kill each other.

Gurthang

09-02-2005, 01:51 PM

Tell them that they must make a reservation for all parties over 10 members in size.

OR

Take a picture of myself with 200,000 orcs and post it on Crazy Captions.

OR

Ask if they were the famous breakdancing orcs.

OR

Think of a petition that I needed to have 200,000 signatures for. Hmmm, how about renaming the town in my name! Gurthangton!

Glirdan

09-02-2005, 01:59 PM

1)Tell them " No I don't want any Orc girl cookie guides now go!"

2)Ask them if the met Boromir the Disco King

3)Pull a Bilbo and yell " The Eagles are coming! The Eagles are coming" and in the confusion and fear, slip out and get an army of Downer's to come and help me where we will all fight valiantly. The only problem will be Gil and his big ego. He'll try and be a hero and take on 10 orcs at a time. Luckily, he will have the phantom by his side and both their giant ego's will prevail.

Meneltarmacil

09-02-2005, 02:15 PM

If they're as skilled in combat as most enemy soldiers in the movies are, I'd probably defeat them easily.

Lily Bombadil

09-05-2005, 02:28 PM

ID RUN AND SCREAM LIKE A LITTEL GIRL.

Well, Wayne, I'm glad you're honest.

In that situation, naturally, I would be terrified. Then I would try to find out if they were merely humans in costume. If they were the real deal, as it were, I would lead a campaign to get rid of all the cheerleaders in my school, the drill team, and the pansy school mascot (who might be the son of the Indian from the Village People, 'cause he sure bears resemblance). I'm sorry. I don't hate people with school spirit; just the ones at MY school. But mostly the mascot. He betrayed me once. Love you guys!

Just so you all know, I'd rally up the orcs and lead them into the gymnasium during Friday's pep rally. Hope it's football season! Cheers!

Bergil

09-05-2005, 06:02 PM

I'd alter their egoes

Glirdan

09-09-2005, 09:08 PM

I'd ask Gothmog, if he was there "Did you hit yourself in the face with an iron thinking it was the phone?"

Lily Bombadil

09-09-2005, 09:34 PM

I've changed my mind: I'll let the cheerleaders live. Instead, I want the orcs to attack my stupid ex boyfriend and his new girlfriend who looks like a confounded kindergartener!!!!!

Glirdan

09-09-2005, 09:47 PM

That's kind of harsh, don't you think Lily?

Anyway getting back on topic...

I'd get them imersed in an argument about Balrog's and wherther or not they have wings. This will cause them to fight and thsu kill eash other off. Then, when there is only a few left with the same ideas, I'll kill them myself!!

Pallando

09-09-2005, 09:59 PM

....wonder how all those orcs can fit on a seven-foot tall door.

....shut the door and go back to bed. I am not a morning person, and my neighbors can deal with them (or the National Guard, whichever works out).

....give them all pieces of candy for their great costumes and mutter as I close the door "who knew that was a popular Halloween outfit?".

....scream in terror and seal the door.

Lily Bombadil

09-09-2005, 10:03 PM

No, Glirdan, that is not "harsh". I've suffered too much emotional harm lately to think any form of revenge on my ex "harsh". I wouldn't have the orcs kill them; I never said that. I'd have them bound, gagged, roughed up a bit, and taken to Sauron. maybe he would give them what they deserve.

Glirdan

09-10-2005, 01:23 PM

...I wouldn't have the orcs kill them; I never said that. I'd have them bound, gagged, roughed up a bit, and taken to Sauron. maybe he would give them what they deserve.

Ok! You cleared that up for me.

Anyway,

I'd probably say out loud " This wasn't in the movie!! Where's PJ!?!?"

gralin musicteeth

09-24-2005, 10:20 AM

If I found 200,000 orcs on my front door, I would....

Serve them all tea and crumpets with bakeapple jam. Later on, we would have a rousing game of croquet followed by a lovely potluck supper in the garden.

Then I would slay them all with a chair. They are such impolite and messy houseguests.

malkatoj

09-24-2005, 02:33 PM

Hmmm...either:

(1)Wait for them to start attacking me, then start yelling 'Come and see the inherent in the system!'

Or

(2)Convince the orcs that Sauron and Saruman are the Oligarchy and are trying to create a class structure such that they (Sauron and Saruman) could completely control the orcs and take advantage of everything. I would then band the orcs together under their new leader (me) and stage a revolt against the two oligarchs. Once this was over, I would have gotten rid of a major threat to (Middle?) Earth AND formed my own army of 200,000 orcs. Win-win!

(Edit) After all that hard work, I think I wouldn't be able to help but find myself wondering how they all fit on an 8x4-ish piece of wood.

Morgoth's Apprentice

05-19-2008, 05:54 PM

If 200,000 orcs were on my doorstep....

I'd tell them to get the heck out of here and back to Angband before Morgoth flies into yet another rage and kills off half his orc army. If that didn't work I would have to call in the exterminator. Pesky orcs....

Babidi Buu

08-14-2008, 09:27 PM

:eek:200,000 orcs?:eek: I think i would
A) Scream
B) Faint
C) Well, i doubt i would be able to let them all in the house.-scratch that option-
D) if Gothmog was leading them, i'd Join forces!:p

Lindale

08-14-2008, 11:48 PM

tell them they just can't come in for tea, or for coffee, or for dinner, they are just too many.

Hookbill the Goomba

08-15-2008, 03:09 AM

I'd ask them if they thought they were paying too much for their car insureance...

OR

Say, "I'm not in at the moment; please leave a message after the beep... BEEP!"

TheGreatElvenWarrior

08-15-2008, 01:10 PM

I'd just ask them if they'd like to go swimming, and then take them to the inlet by the mud flats and let them go out there...(and if you know anything about mud flats, you know what happens next)

Laurinquë

08-30-2008, 03:00 AM

Probably run around yelling at the top of my voice. Then stop, think about it, and continue running around the house, but this time happily because I would be in a movie!!!!! :rolleyes: Or just send them to Alaska. Ya, let's go with the Alaska one. :p

Yeah, so they'll be on MY front door! Great...

Hmm..I think I would whip out my foil and challenge them all to a round-robin fencing tournament , and the ensuing bouts would take several thousand years to complete by which time I assume somebody would have noticed that Anchorage was covered on Orcs and would have summoned reinforcements.

Lindale

08-30-2008, 08:17 AM

Yeah, so they'll be on MY front door! Great...

Hmm..I think I would whip out my foil and challenge them all to a round-robin fencing tournament , and the ensuing bouts would take several thousand years to complete by which time I assume somebody would have noticed that Anchorage was covered on Orcs and would have summoned reinforcements.

If you don't want them in Alaska send them here to the tropics, that way I might put them on a town feria and make money along the way.

Rikae

08-30-2008, 09:17 AM

Tell my oldest daughter that, while her new group of friends is an improvement on the old one, they still aren't quite the sort I want her to associate with.

TheGreatElvenWarrior

09-01-2008, 11:58 AM

If you don't want them in Alaska send them here to the tropics, that way I might put them on a town feria and make money along the way.Well, having orcs in Alaska might not be a bad thing, just send them to Barrow.

Yeah, so they'll be on MY front door! Great...

Hmm..I think I would whip out my foil and challenge them all to a round-robin fencing tournament , and the ensuing bouts would take several thousand years to complete by which time I assume somebody would have noticed that Anchorage was covered on Orcs and would have summoned reinforcements.Why not epee? Anyway, who would come to our aid? Certainly not the police!

If I found them on MY front door, I'd call the newspaper... and ask them what the 'ell they were doing at my door.

Lindale

09-02-2008, 09:40 AM

If I found them on MY front door, I'd call the newspaper... and ask them what the 'ell they were doing at my door.

I'd call the newspaper and have those orcs printed on the front page.

narfforc

09-02-2008, 01:29 PM

Open my back door and let the 200,000 elves out of my yard....

Lindale

09-03-2008, 09:10 AM

Open my back door and let the 200,000 elves out of my yard....

and when they start to kill each other, Narfforc, what do you do with the corpses? :D

narfforc

09-03-2008, 12:58 PM

Put them in my waste paper bin next to the U.F.O that somehow crashed into my roof last week....

Groin Redbeard

09-03-2008, 01:56 PM

I'd ask them if Verizon Wireless is their network!

TheGreatElvenWarrior

09-04-2008, 10:55 PM

I'd ask them if Verizon Wireless is their network!
I didn't know that orcs possessed cell phones... But apparently they do. :rolleyes:

HerenIstarion

09-06-2008, 11:31 AM

Not exactly that many, and not exactly orks, and not exactly on my front door, but fly I did

skip spence

09-06-2008, 01:09 PM

Not exactly that many, and not exactly orks, and not exactly on my front door, but fly I did

Ah, you are from Georgia right? I hope the situation over there improves and that you and your family are and remain safe!

narfforc

09-06-2008, 09:40 PM

I second that, sad to see The Land of the Golden Fleece in such a predicament.

Laurinquë

09-17-2008, 08:50 PM

If I found 200,000 orcs on my front door I would probably be delighted, I mean Orcs at the door? That means they actually exist! That Hobbits actually exist! It would be wonderful!

I would revel in the glory of that for about 5 seconds, before an Orc knocked me out fo wearing such a silly grin on my face.

Lindale

09-18-2008, 03:27 AM

Lend them to the red-head activists back in school who always clamor for more rally people to join. Will benefit me, having gotten rid of the orcs, will benefit the activists, who don't get too much people anymore on rallies, and will benefit the orcs by having an enemy. And my, I think our darling government may actually tremble, if 200,000 orcs came rallying against it. :D

Mithennor

10-13-2008, 12:17 AM

Well, what would you do? How about it chaps?

I think I'd want to know who I ****ed off, and how I ended up in the bad end of my wildest dreams...I'd then start looking for the elves that should be in the area

Eönwë

10-13-2008, 04:01 PM

Set myself on fire, and jump off (somehow covering the distance in seconds). ;)

Annalaliath

12-15-2008, 01:22 AM

I would have to try beating them to death with my wooden sword and then trying to push my grandparents out the back door and over the fence.... but they are real old so I would have to knock the fence down. We wouldn't get very far.

Morthoron

12-15-2008, 07:12 AM

Annalaliath

12-15-2008, 11:45 AM

If I found 200,000 orcs at my front door, I would...

call Orkin Pest Control:
http://www.orkin.com/

Having Orcs on the premises is embarrassing (I mean, really, what would the neighbors say?), and Orc defecation is unsightly and unhealthy! So have your home sprayed biannually to eradicate those pesky Orc infestations.

Yeah, I guess we could call our pest control guys, but the problem would be the orcs themselves I don't think would like getting sprayed in the face with poison.

Meneltarmacil

12-17-2008, 04:33 PM

200,000 orcs, huh?

Well, in that case, DANCE PARTY! It ought to be pretty fun with that many orcs involved.

Galadriel55

11-20-2010, 05:22 PM

Put a "closed, please come again tomorrow" sign on my door.
If that doesn't work, I'll ask them to prove that there really are 200,000 orcs there. That should give me time enough to think of something better.

Pitchwife

11-20-2010, 07:37 PM

1) Take a photo through the window and post it on the "I see Middle-earth" thread.
2) Wonder if that's enough of them to change a light bulb.
3) Try to teach them how to play Fizzbin (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_games_in_Star_Trek#Fizzbin).

Galadriel55

11-20-2010, 08:51 PM

Yeah, you could ask them to change a light bulb and slip away while they're at it. One reason for Sauron's army to be so big is that he doesn't have to many light bulbs :)

Almesiva Moonshadow

11-23-2010, 10:00 AM

If I found 200,000 orcs on my front door, I would say:
"Hey guys,each of you owes me 10 dollars"

...just imagine how much money would I collect...:smokin:

...LOL...naive suckers...what a greedy bastard I am...:D

Galadriel55

11-23-2010, 11:53 AM

how long do you think it would take them to count the money that they owe?

Almesiva Moonshadow

11-25-2010, 02:32 PM

how long do you think it would take them to count the money that they owe?

I guess it would take them a very long time...but in the end...
...it would all pay off...:D

Blind Guardian

11-26-2010, 09:00 PM

how long do you think it would take them to count the money that they owe?

Can they count?

Nerwen

11-27-2010, 08:20 AM

But Almesiva, what makes you think the Orcs would pay up? They're Orcs, after all.

Almesiva Moonshadow

11-27-2010, 06:18 PM

But Almesiva, what makes you think the Orcs would pay up? They're Orcs, after all.

...That is a hard question indeed Nerwen...
...and I cant seem to find the right answer...damnit... :(

Okay,I admit...you beat me in this one...:D

:smokin:

Galadriel55

12-08-2010, 08:14 PM

If I found 200 000 orcs on my front door I'd send them all to hell. Or rather to Mordor? But Lothlorien may be a "better" hell for orcs...hmmm...which one would it be? I'll just say oh go to hell and leave it up to them to figure out where's their hell.

That brings up an interesting question: where would they go?
Mordor
Lothlorien
Shelob's lair
Minas Tirith/Anor
Rivendell
Doriath
Anywhere near Gandalf
Anywhere near Glorfindel
Too near a Balrog
Close to an angry Nazgul
Fangorn Forest
Haudh-en-Elleth
Fingolfin's grave
Being anywhere under sunlight (unless they are the Uruk-hai)
Many more :)

Bom Tombadillo

07-10-2011, 10:10 PM

*ahem* Go out the back door into the yard, start up the lawnmower, and charge them on the lawnmower wielding bow and arrow. I'd also take a moment to start my smartphone's mp3 music player up and play "I Am The Doctor" (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=I80pc9jZ_t8&feature=related) at maximum volume - since I'm sure anybody who's heard it would agree that it is the only appropriate music for such a feat.

Alternatively, I would curl up in a ball and scream like a little girl (something I am quite adept at). Yeah, probably that.