legendary pick-up lines of Middle Earth

[Valesse]

It struck me as funny, with all the piratical and/or pop culture pick-up lines, there is simply is no depository for Lord of the Rings/Tolkien based ones. With that said I waited until I was delerious with a fever (okay, okay, a degree and a half over normal temperature and a stuffy nose) before venturing back out into the Barrowdowns with the audacity to fix this horrible injustice.

It must be noted, and thus repeated, that BD is a family site, and therefore wee little ones have access to allllll we say. Everything. No adult humor. Like always I'll get the ball rolling... because nothing is as inspirational as a rolling ball, right?

For Ladies:
"So...Did it hurt when you fell off of Taniquetil?"
"Shouldn't you be tending the stars right about now?"
"My! Thats the finest beard I've ever seen!"
For Lords:
"I couldn't help but notice how deep your elven eyes looked from the other side of the Eastfold..."
"Snaku Snaga!"

[Eomer of the Rohirrim]

O my, I've played this game too many times and it always degenerates into....well, you know. :rolleyes: That being said:

Aragorn might try: "You are the prettiest girl in all the lands. I know because I've seen them all..." and, of course, following it up swiftly with "...because I've travelled so extensively!" Don't want to give the wrong impression, do you?

Gandalf the White would definitely crow "Check out my new threads!" All women love stylish clothes.

Samwise Gamgee might try the more straight-forward "Put that mug of ale down and give me a kiss!" He doesn't mess about with his words.

And Manwë? All he would do is yell "I'm the King, baby!" and women would flock to him. For women are attracted to power.

Good thread Valesse. :)

[Glirdan]

Hmmm.....

If Bilbo would try anything from "Why don't you come over for some tea?" to "Let's get this 111th birthday party started!!!!" :rolleyes: So would Frodo mind you.

Gandalf, well he could just uncloak couldn't he??? I did not just do that!!! Oops!!!! I meant he would "He, now that I'm not Gandalf the Grey, do you want to go out with me?"

I honestly don't know how Mandos managed to get anyone but I imagine it was something like this... "Hey!! Want to come over to my cool bachelor pad that's NOT filled with dead people?"

[Gothmog]

Manwe upon meeting Varda for the first time: Your eyes are like bright stars on a dark sky.
Varda: Duh! I made 'em!

or Manwe could go for: Want to fly to the stars with me on my personal eagle?
I mean, a ferrari wouldn't stand a chance.

stealing a little from Valesse:
Among dwarfes (you could try it elsewhere but I doubt it would work): You've got the most beautiful beard ever!
And the best is: it works for both the men and the ladies!

Legolas just lets his hair fly for a while.

And for all the dragons out there: You look frozen. I can warm up you ;)

[Gurthang]

I just suddenly got this brilliantly strange image in my mind, which would kind of be like a pick-up line.

Gandalf singing 'A Whole New World' (from Aladdin) while stretching his hand down to a lady from the back of an Eagle.

I've never thought of Gandalf to be the romantic type, though. ;)

[luthien-elvenprincess]

Upon meeting a cutie, Pippen swaggers up to her and says, "Hey doll, ya know it only takes a spark to get a fire goin', and I couldn't help noticing the sparkle in your beautiful eyes...what say you and I spend the evening up on Beacon-hill?!!!

[Valesse]

Hobbits:
A dashing young hobbit (with obviously no experiance with Shire-folk of the opposite gender) advances on his subject by saying "You know what I love about breakfast?" ...customary awkward silence... "It takes two!" (Second breakfast? eh?)

"You, me, and a cup of tea?"

Orcs:
"Hey honey, is it hot in Sammoth Naur, or is just you?"

"There is something in the way you decapitated that ranger yesterday that reminds me of the moon's shadow falling on th--" By now the other orc would have killed him.

[luthien-elvenprincess]

Celeborn to Galdriel: "Do you have a mirror or something in your gown tonight, because it sure looks good on you and I can see me next to you!

[Oddwen]

Oho, but you're all forgetting

"If you are not Luthien, then you walk in her likeness."

and

"Do not scorn pity that is the gift of a gentle heart."

Actual factual Middle-earth pickup lines!

[Anguirel]

Not to mention Tinuviel! Tinuviel!

[Glirdan]

Sam - Well, going by the movies, he doesn't use words to express what he's feeling. :rolleyes:

Boromir - All he has to do is stand beside Legolas and when the lady's flock to Legolas, they'll see Boromir and they'll fall for him to.

Arwen - She just cheats on everyone. And knocks Glrofindel out!!! :mad:

Eowyn - Has no time for love. She's to busy fawning over an 80 year old King. :rolleyes:

[SunniGadi]

I think while Legolas is standing there with his long gorgeous hair, he should do a hair flip and raise his 'bow'....I mean bow. Women love the bow. Maybe men, too.

[Morai]

I don't believe Legolas really needs a pick up line. Seriously, all it takes is shooting down all the damsels distressors then gliding (elves don't walk) to her and kissing her hand. By the time Legolas even raises his voice, she's already passed out in admiration. :rolleyes:

[ElentariGreenleaf]

Glorfindel would go for the pity approach of Arwen usurping his heroic rescue of Frodo.

Of course, Brego would go for the whole "I'm the Kings horse, fillies. He owes me his live. Neeiiiighhh *shows of by rearing*"

Hmmm... What about the Balrog...?

[Valesse]

Movie Gimli: ..well he just has to say any trivial bit of bookish plot in some humorous fashion, and all of a sudden he is a stand up comic with a drunken fanfair. Way to go Movie-Gimli! Hundreds of lounge lizards are jealous! (Does anyone else think of Grima with the term lounge lizard, or am I the only one that can see him in tight reptile prints?)

Book-Gimli:
"You know.. I've been to the gates of Moria, but your eyes reflect the moon FAR brighter." followed by low dwarvian growl.

"I'd sail away with you before that elvish git any day of the week!" again with the low dwarvian growl.

After some pantomimed "striking" his "target" with any of a various assortment of mining instriments he drops the tool and hollars "I've struck gold!" before emitting yet again, another low dwarvian growl.

Yes folks: when it comes to dwarvian pick-up lines its all about that growl.

[Lhunardawen]

I've already used this in Crazy Captions, but...

Some Middle-earth guy: "Hi. My name is Will. Eru's will."

[Rimbaud]

Surely applying them in RL is key:


"You're as short as Gimli but as fair as Galadriel...that's no to the drink then?"

"That's funny. Similar thing happened to my mate Frodo Four Fingers..."

"Ah, Old Toby. What? Hello? Something I said?"

"Hola. Speak any Quenya?"

"Hey. I know, I know, the queue. Starbucks is pretty much Mordor, right?"

[Beanamir of Gondor]

Hmmm... What about the Balrog...?

Balrog: Hey, baby, want to get with the hottest creature in Middlearth?

or

Balrog: Maybe I do have wings... maybe I don't. But there's only one way to find out, sweetheart! ;)

[Boromir88]

Boromir the disco king might try something like "Your one groovy, baby...baby"

Gimli doesn't even need pick-up lines, he just blushes and puts on a bashful dwarf face and women come to him (ahem- Galadriel and Eowyn).

And I can see Pippin saying "Girl, you must be from Edoras, because you are just edorable."

[Morsul the Dark]

Sauron:" Ive only got Eye for you"

Elrond: "You almost make me want to smile"

Boromir: "May I have this dance, did you know im the disco king?"

Gollum: "Precious Precious"(speaking of which did anyone see meat loaf's impression of gollum on celbrity poker good stuff that)


Bilbo: "I am the barrel rider and ring finder and the ladykiller"

[ElentariGreenleaf]

Balrog: Hey, baby, want to get with the hottest creature in Middlearth?

or

Balrog: Maybe I do have wings... maybe I don't. But there's only one way to find out, sweetheart! ;)


Hehe! Brilliant!

[Gurthang]

Well, elves could use the overly dramatic (but still romantic): "The light in your eye shines like a Silmaril."

OR

"I really had the greatest Ring ever to give you...(softer murmur) but I kinda had to destroy it to save the world."

OR

Sauron: "Hey, good-looking. I've got this awesome Ring I'm gonna give you. It's gonna blow your mind!"

[Valesse]

"There's a war I want to fight in over this one magic Ring, you see...but my mommy said I couldn't go by myself.."

"It isn't my fault I fell in love, it was you, Ranger, who tripped me!"

[Gurthang]

If I were the Hunter, I'd choose myself to die for fear of hurting you.

If I were the Ranger, I'd keep you safe when it's dark.

If I was a Wolf, you'd be my Little Red Riding Hood.

If I were the Seer, I'd dream about you every night.

[Gothmog]

Male Orc:Hey! Yeah, you. You look disgusting. Horrible!
Female Orc: Me? Shut it, maggot!
Male Orc:Maggot am I? Comes from you, you stinking pile of lard and filth!
Female Orc:Oh, is that so? You're just a piece of mouldy dirt under a trashed claw of a severed toe on a limp paw on a crippled leg of a scabby body of a garbage eating Morgul-rat!
And they lived happily ever after... At least two days, until their first fight. :rolleyes:

or

(insert a maia of free choice): Helloooo babe. Why don't you let me be the love of your life? You know what they say: love that never die ;)

[Gurthang]

If I was the Cobbler, I'd kill myself for your sake.

If I was the Cursed, I'd pray you were a wolf and you'd find me. (But that means you'd have tried to kill me! :D)

If I were the Black Beorning, I'd lose the game so you wouldn't die.

If I was the Mithomaniac, I'd choose to be you, so I'd always be on your side.

[Valesse]

"If I forged you a Great Ring, would you wear it?"

[Morai]

Frodo: "I spanned across Middle Earth to bring you this ring me dear...oh wait. Darn it, I have to go destroy it. Sorry me dear."

[Maeggaladiel]

Balrog- Hey baby, *flexes biceps* Is it hot in here, or is is just me?

And my favorite one, in the words of Legendary Frog...

Legolas- "My love for you is like my quiver of arrows.... Neverending."

[Morai]

Pippin holds up a drink. "Look deary! I brought you a pint!!" Then he proceeds to fall over as the empty container rolls on the floor. :p ;)

[Gil-Galad]

Legolas: My love for you is like my quiver of arrows, never-ending

[SunniGadi]

They are starting to actually get sweet!

Gollum: "Master, master....we loves you....no wes don't...evil....they want to harm you...no, no, I feed them fishes...no, they want to take your precious...no, no, masters our love...master loves us...."

This could go on forever. Gollum is one of my favorites. :D

[Valesse]

Hello, my name is Manwe and I believe in love at first sight...

[Valesse]

Pardon the double posting, but thought comes with time... and goodness there has been some time since that last post of mine.

For Orcsies:
"I would never hate you... because you're beautiful..."
"Dawns are red, eyes are blue, all of these scalps now belong to you."

For Ents and Entwives:
"You're barking up the right tree!"

[Farael]

Morgoth: Your eyes shine more than the SIlmarils on my crown. Oh, did I not mention my Silmaril-ladden crown?

[Valesse]

"Pardon me, but are you elvish? You've been running through my mind without pause!"

"If Varda's stars would fall everytime I would think of you, the sky would soon be empty"

"Were-penguins."
"What?"
"They broke the ice."

And specifically for Bilbo: "Hello, I'm a theif. I'm here to steal your heart."

Thats all for now. :D

[Hookbill the Goomba]

Deep in the vaults of Minas Tirith, if you look hard enough, you can find...

Aragorn's patented 'never fail' chat-up lines.

Including such classics as:

- "You look just like my grandmother!"
- "I’m not as hairy as I look."
- "I’m quite tall."
- "I smell great."
- "Whoo-hoo! I'm king of the world... well, Gondor at least."
- "May the Force be with you!"

No wonder Elrond was so reluctant to let him marry Arwen...

[Erue]

From an Orc:

"You know, if we chop your arms off, you'd look just like the Venus de Milo."



For Boromir:

"Do you know, your helm and my tapestries are perfectly color coordinated?"
"The breastplate has to go - but you can stay."
"When Tolkien created you, he was just showing off."

[Valesse]

"No no no, that was a warg-whistle. They're -totally- different from wolves!"

[Oddwen]

I just thought of this one...

"If loving you is El-Rond, I don't wanna be El-Right!"

[Oddwen]

"Pardon me, but are you elvish? You've been running through my mind without pause!"


Shouldn't that be "Pardon me, but are you Beren Erchamion? You've been running through my mind without paws!".

Bwah-hem.

[mark12_30]

Balrog- Hey baby, *flexes biceps* Is it hot in here, or is is just me?

Since Roggie is also wearing flameproof eyeliner, we now await Lush's endearing response.

[Hookbill the Goomba]

Gandalf: So now they say I'm not allowed to uncloak in public any more.

Aragorn: So now they say I can't keep all the orc heads I collected!

Sam: So now they say I can't keep all the frying pans I collected!

Gollum: The doctors say that within a year or three I’ll be able to control the voices without medication...

[Andsigil]

Hmmm.... how bawdy with double entendres are we allowed to get with this thread? :)

[Hookbill the Goomba]

Hmmm.... how bawdy with double entendres are we allowed to get with this thread? :)

I suppose it depends how silly it gets...

Gandalf: Hey, want to see MY Shadowfax?

Victim: That... That doesn't make any sense! :confused:

Gandalf: Um... I'll be right back.

[mark12_30]

Hmmm.

I shall step in and urge caution and restraint.

Family friendly site.

[mark12_30]

Witch King of Angmar:

I like to scream! Right between the sound machines.
On a cloud of sound I drift in the night...

[Eönwë]

Anything said by Saruman.

[Naz]

This just came to mind... Manwë may not have a magic carpet, but he does have those Eagles!

"I can show you the world... Shining, shimmering, splen- did..."


That was bad. :o

[Aganzir]

Boromir: "Wanna blow my horn, babe?"

[Valesse]

Sauron: *getting on one knee* Please accept this ring... as a token of how I feel about you? *eyelash flutter*

(And for those of you who know/love the Secret Diaries of Cassandra Claire:)

Elrond: You know... eggplant is a good color for the both of us.

[Hookbill the Goomba]

Tom Bombadil: Come to my house... NOW!! :mad:

[Bêthberry]

Thorondor: Going my way?

[mark12_30]

Oh, Bethberry-- that was PRICELESS. Bravo! Consider yourself green-boxed until I spread some more around.

Shadowfax: "Did you whistle?"

Moth: "You're all grey. Just like me. And whiskery."

[Gwathagor]

Boromir: "Wanna blow my horn, babe?"

:eek::eek::eek:

[Tuor in Gondolin]

If Rosie, for rather good reason, wasn't feeling too
charitable to Gollum given the way he viewed her
Samie, she could say to Gollum:
"Anytime you want to go out on a date with me
just whistle. You know how to whistle don't you...?"

[Oddwen]

What about "I can't carry it for you, but I can carry you."? :P

[LadyBrooke]

Along the lines of the Boromir-Horn lines:
Feanor - anything related to jewels, family jewels, silmarils

I cannot believe I just typed that.:eek: But the first thing that came out of sister’s mouth when I was describing The Sil was that they were all obsessed with family jewels. And now I can’t get it out of my head. Bad thoughts, Bad thoughts. *pounds head into desk* And somebody asked my friend at school the other day if she wanted to see his. *thud as I miss the desk and hit the floor*

And for one along the lines of what I usually get:
Any Elf: But if you do not love me I will surely fade from grief.:rolleyes:

[Morai]

"Do not meddle in the affairs of wizards,
meddle in mine instead!"
Gildor

[Valesse]

Boromir, after doing his best muscle-man flexing poses: "Steel? Not at all, these guns are made of mirthril!"

[Nessa Telrunya]

Arwen: Without you, I am the Uneven Star!

Glorfindel: I slay more than just Balrogs, baby.

Random person to Elrohir: There is no other like you!

Elladan:He-LLO! *points to self*

[Oddwen]

Balrog: Don't worry baby, this whip is only for show.

[Faramir Jones]

Readers of the first poem in The Adventures of Tom Bombadil know that Tom could have been charged with assault, kidnapping and sexual harassment in his 'courtship' of Goldberry. It wasn't necessary because, according to him, he had a lot to offer:

'Here's my pretty maiden!
You shall come home with me! The table is all laden:
yellow cream, honeycomb, white bread and butter;
roses at the window-sill and peeping round the shutter.
You shall come under Hill! Never mind your mother
in her deep weedy pool: there you'll find no lover!'

Not only does he have a nice place; he can cook as well!;)

[Aganzir]

Théodred: "Hey pretty lady! Wanna come home with me and stay in my box?"

[Inziladun]

Aragorn: "The hands of a king are the hands of a healer, you know."

[Gil-Galad]

Is that the light of Eärendil you have there? Cause you have a nice butt.

Works every time.

[Oddwen]

Theodred: To me......ladies. Let me lie here 'til...well, you know.

Bilbo (to Smaug): Oh, you slag.

Saeros: Can I have your name? Because I've injured myself falling for you.

Thorin: AZOG.

(Any Dwarf): I am a Dwarf, and I'm digging a hole (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fR7EAdPUqvQ). To your heart.

Athelas: Aloe you.

Denethor: I want to oil you up and set you on fire.

Mothrandir: *flutters antennae*

[Morthoron]

Bilbo: What have I got in my pocket?

[Morsul the Dark]

Bilbo- Good morning, and by that I mean it is a good morning to be spent with you!"

[Oddwen]

"Hey baby, you're like the last moments of Feanor...really hot."

"Hey baby, you're like the last moments of Dale...really hot."

"Hey baby, you're like the last moments of Gil-Galad...really hot."

[Gil-Galad]

Gloin: Want to see why they called me the son of Groin?