Duel of Doom!

[Hookbill the Goomba]

I don't know how many of you saw davem's thread (http://forum.barrowdowns.com/showthread.php?t=12786) about the other Lord of the Ring's films by John Boorman. Now, one of the changes he suggested was this...

There's a duel between the magicians, Gandalf and Saruman. I was inspired by an African idea of how magicians duel with words, which I had read about. It was a way of one entrapping the other as a duel of words rather than special effects flashes, shaking staffs, and all that.
...
[Reads from script]:
GANDALF: Saruman, I am the snake about to strike!
SARUMAN: I am the staff that crushes the snake!
GANDALF: I am the fire that burns the staff to ashes!
SARUMAN: I am the cloudburst that quenches the fire!
GANDALF: I am the well that traps the waters!

This amused me, and I thought it would be interesting. It'd make me wet myself if in a Lord of the Rings film, but I think it belongs in mirth!

I propose a game, of sorts. A little like Fortunately / unfortunately in format, the game goes as shown above. Playing as Either Saruman or Gandalf, we have a little duel of words in this sort of manner. Make sure they get nicely ridiculous (while remaining Middle Earth related).

So, here is an example...

One Downer-
Saruman: I am the slug that eats your garden!

another -
Gandalf: I am the salt that dissolves the slug (and flavours my food).

Another-
Saruman: I am the vinegar that neutralises the salt!

And so on.

So, lets get started...

Saruman: I am the fire that burns your hat...

[the phantom]

Gandalf: I am the trickster who placed my hat on your head.

[Holbytlass]

Saruman: I am the wind that blows the hat in a tree.

[the phantom]

Gandalf: I am the wall that blocks the wind.

[Anguirel]

SARUMAN: I am the team of giant moles with paramilitary training that undermine the wall.

[Holbytlass]

GANDALF: I am the owls that eat the paramilitary trained moles.

[Hookbill the Goomba]

SARUMAN: I am the sun the blinds the Owl and sets it on fire!

[the phantom]

Gandalf: I am the beach bag containing shades and sunblock that protects the owl.

[Oddwen]

Saruman: I am the bum on the beach who steals the bag.

[Hookbill the Goomba]

Gandalf: I am the weird snake that jumps out of the bag and eats the 'bum's head.

[Oddwen]

Saruman: I am Thorondor the Eagle, who swoops down and eats the snake

[Rune Son of Bjarne]

Gandalf: I am the arrow piercing the eagles heart.

[Hookbill the Goomba]

Saruman: I am the doctor who heals the poor thing.

[Anguirel]

GANDALF: I am the waiting list that cripples the NHS.

[symestreem]

SARUMAN: I am the team of paper-eating locusts that destroys the waiting list!

[the phantom]

Gandalf: I am John the Baptist, the mighty eater of locusts.

[Hookbill the Goomba]

Saruman: I am the Guillotine that cuts off the Baptists’ head.

Radagast: I am not supposed to be here… I’ll go now.


Ignore the Radagast bit, just a joke. :p

[Gurthang]

Gandalf: I am the Crazed Yodeling Axman that chops the Guillotine into splinters.

[Hookbill the Goomba]

Saruman: I am the splinters that fly into the Crazed Yodeling Axman's eye.

[symestreem]

GANDALF: I am the team of termites that eat the splinters!

[Hookbill the Goomba]

Saruman: I am the pest control that destroy-eth yon termites!

[symestreem]

GANDALF: I am the flesh-eating beetles that devour the pest control technician! RAWR!

[Oddwen]

Sharuman: I am Yoko Ono, who causes deep phsychological rifts between the beetles

[Alcarillo]

Gandalf: I am the relationship counselor, who cancels out Yoko Ono's rifting effects.

[Gurthang]

Saruman: I am a malpractice lawsuit, who puts the relationship counselor out of business.

[Holbytlass]

Gandalf: I am the Congressional Bill that puts a cap on malpractice lawsuits.

[Gurthang]

Saruman: I am a filibuster that postpones the Congressional Bill indefinitely. :p

[symestreem]

Gandalf: I am the mosquitoes that give all the congresspeople malaria so that in their delirium they break the filibuster.

[Oddwen]

Saruman: I am a small tree frog that eats the mosquitoes

[Azaelia of Willowbottom]

Gandalf: I am the Balrog that, on its way to Khazad-Dum, accidentally stomps on the tree frog and squishes it.

[The Elf-warrior]

Saruman: I am the Dark Lord to whom Balrogs bow!

[Holbytlass]

Gandalf: I am the ring that falls into Mt Doom to get rid of the Dark Lord.

[The Elf-warrior]

Saruman: I am the psychic scars that cause Frodo to leave Middle-earth!

[The Only Real Estel]

Gandalf: "I am Miss Cleo, who heals Frodo's psychic scars & he reconsiders. Wait...I might want to take that one back." :p

[symestreem]

Saruman: I am a small tree frog that eats the mosquitoes

No likey eating mosquitoes... :o

Saruman: I am the black widow spider that bites Miss Cleo.

[Gurthang]

Gandalf: I am a Boot Wearing Leprechaun that crushes said black widow spider.

[Lhunardawen]

Saruman: I am Artemis Fowl who outwits LEPRecon and steals its gold. :p

[Holbytlass]

Gandalf: I am mercury to melt your gold.

[Hookbill the Goomba]

Saruman: I am Venus, one better than mercury. :p

[The Squatter of Amon Rûdh]

Gandalf: I am Vulcan's net, which traps Venus and makes her look rather silly.

[Hookbill the Goomba]

Saruman: I am the scissors that cut the net.

[Kuruharan]

Gandalf: I am the naughty child that ran off with the scissors.

[Oddwen]

Saruman: I am the naughty child's mum who spanks the naughtiness away

[Hookbill the Goomba]

Gandalf: I am the iron trousers that protect the child!

[Oddwen]

Saruman: I am the rust that attacks the iron trousers

[Holbytlass]

gandalf: i am the sandpaper that rubs the rust away.

[The Only Real Estel]

Saruman: "I am your nerves that can't stand the sound of sandpaper scraping."

[Hookbill the Goomba]

Gandalf: I am the old age and encroaching deafness that blocks out the sound.

[Holbytlass]

Saruman: I am arthritis that stops the fingers.

[Hookbill the Goomba]

Gandalf: I am the elf who offers healing at (seemingly) low prices.

[Kuruharan]

Saruman: I am Aruman HMO which refuses to pay these seemingly low prices.

[Roa_Aoife]

((I hate myself for this))

Gandalf: I am the Democratic Party's campaign to put HMOs out of business.

[Hookbill the Goomba]

Saruman: I am the tabloid scandal that puts the Democratic Party's campaign into discrepancy.

[The Elf-warrior]

Gandalf: I am the low credibility of tabloids!

[Kuruharan]

Saruman: I am the lovely journalist Amanda (http://forum.barrowdowns.com/showpost.php?p=447483&postcount=1051) who has just taken a job as a reporter for The Daily Moonbat and all love me and despair, etc. This naturally raises the credibility of tabloids.

[Diamond18]

Gandalf: I am the crusty old newspaper editor who fires Amanda because I am threatened by her charm.

[Alcarillo]

Saruman: I am the blackmail that convinces the crusty old editor not to fire Amanda.

[Lhunardawen]

Gandalf: I am the integrity that cannot be threatened by blackmail (even if I can be threatened by Amanda's charm :rolleyes: ).

[Hookbill the Goomba]

Saruman: I am the Dragon’s gold used to bribe the editor.

[symestreem]

Gandalf: I am the termites that ate through the chest of dragon's gold and caused it to fall out en route.

[Hookbill the Goomba]

I am the termite-eating monster that devours the termites.

[Kuruharan]

Gandalf: I am the acid-reflux disease that makes the monster very ill.

[Hookbill the Goomba]

Saruman: I am the Miruvor that makes it feel better.

[Oddwen]

Gandalf: I am the Hobbit who drinks all the Miruvor and gets roaring drunk

[Feanor of the Peredhil]

Saruman: I am the next day's hangover.

[Hookbill the Goomba]

Gandalf: I am the day off work that heals the pain.

[Kuruharan]

Saruman: I am the unkind boss who fires you for taking the day off.

[Diamond18]

Gandalf: I am the freak lightening bolt from the sky which fries the unkind boss to an indiscernable crisp.

[Hookbill the Goomba]

Saruman: I am the rod to conduct the lighting and the orchestra!

[symestreem]

Gandalf: I am the cockroaches that have chewed through the lightning bolt housing, causing it to fall off. I am also the cockroaches that infested the musicians' uniforms, causing them to be unwearable and causing much chaos and shrieking among the young female members.

[the phantom]

Saruman: I am the weirdo that absolutely loves roaches and chaos.

Oh- and shrieking young ladies, of course.

[Feanor of the Peredhil]

Gandalf: I am about to uncloak and scare the weirdo.

[Hookbill the Goomba]

Saruman: I am the court order preventing uncloaking.

[Valesse]

Gandalf: I'm the careless assistant who shredded the court order.

[the phantom]

Saruman: I am the irresistably hot intern who kept the careless assistant away from his work.

[Hookbill the Goomba]

Gandalf: I am the Antarctic, where she was sent to cool her down and stop setting fire to the furniture. :p

[symestreem]

Saruman: I am the combined weight of insects on Earth, whose methane emissions contribute to significant global warming and cause the Antarctic to melt.

NOTE: Uncloak and DIE!! :eek: :o

[Valesse]

Gandalf: I am the next major ice age which will negate global warming, and decimate the insect population.

[Oddwen]

Saruman: I am an erupting Orodruin, that ends the ice age.

[Hookbill the Goomba]

Gandalf: I am the boulder that blocks the fire in the vent!

[the phantom]

Saruman: I am a rushing stream, that over time wears away the boulder.

[Hookbill the Goomba]

Gandalf: I am the dam that blocks the river.

Pallando: I am the one in the largest hat!

Gandalf: ... Go away.

Again, ignore the Pallando thing. :D

[symestreem]

Saruman: I am the termites that eat through the dam.


... Useful things, termites, aren't they?

[Valesse]

Gandalf: I am the anteater that slurps up the termites.

[symestreem]

Saruman: I am the flock of hornets that drives the anteater away!

[Hookbill the Goomba]

Gandalf: I am the fly paper that traps the hornets.

[Roa_Aoife]

Saruman: I am the fool that gets trapped in the fly papaer while trying to set it up, so the hornets are not trapped in it.

[Gurthang]

Gandalf: I am Gandalf ( :eek: ), who sents all fools on a less foolish path! :D

[symestreem]

Saruman: I am the no-see-ums that clog Gandalf's nose and eyes and prevent him from helping the fools.

I was going to be the annoying ants in Gandalf's clothes, but that might have horrible consequences! :eek:

[Diamond18]

Gandalf: I am the sneeze which blasts the no-see-ums away.

[the phantom]

Saruman: I am the NyQuil that stops the sneezing.

[Oddwen]

Gandalf: I am Time, in which the NyQuil wears off

[symestreem]

Saruman: I am Harvey the Pukha (http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0042546/), who controls time. And I wear bee antennae.

[Diamond18]

Gandalf: I am the Fashion Police, which arrests Harvey.

[Lhunardawen]

Saruman: I am the hopelessly out of fashion wizard wearing hot pink robes that blinds the eyes of the Fashion Police.

[Oddwen]

Gandalf: I am the head of the Order, who casts out the Pink wizard and breaks his staff!

[the phantom]

Saruman: I am the big pink splinter that flies straight into your eye when you break the Pink Wizard's staff.

[mormegil]

Gandalf: I am the healer who removes and destroys the splinters.

[Alcarillo]

Saruman: I am the healer's inexperience, which causes him to jab the tweezers into your eye! :eek:

[Hookbill the Goomba]

Gandalf: I am the Poor quality of the tweezers that causes them to fall apart before reaching the eye.

[Kuruharan]

Saruman: I am the craftsdwarf who made the tweezers in the first place, which obviously means they cannot be of poor quality.

[Holbytlass]

Gandalf: I am the conjunctivitis that blinded the craftsdwarf that made him use tin foil instead of tin sheets to make the tweezers.

[Feanor of the Peredhil]

I am the eye drops that alleviate the symptoms.

[Hookbill the Goomba]

Gandalf: I am the poison in the eye drops that sends the Dwarf to his... eye... Doom.

[mormegil]

Saruman: I am the false eye on which drops have no effect!

[Valesse]

Gandalf: I am the muscle spasm which caused the false eye to pop out and shatter on the ground.

[Oddwen]

Saruman: I am the Botox that relaxes the muscles, preventing a spasm

[Hookbill the Goomba]

Gandalf: I am the insanely huge bill that follows the Botox.

[symestreem]

Saruman: I am the flock? (herd? pack? gaggle? cohort?) of silverfish that eat the bill!

Did you know that silverfish can go for a year without eating?

[Holbytlass]

Gandalf: I am the cramps the silverfish get from swimming too soon after eating.



And no, I didn't know that. That's the thing I learned today.

[Alcarillo]

Saruman: I am the fact that silverfish are insects, not actual fish, and so shouldn't be swimming in the first place.

[Hookbill the Goomba]

Gandalf: I am the fire that burns the book of facts!

[Alcarillo]

Saruman: I am the thousands of copies of the book!

[Oddwen]

Gandalf: I am a small typo in the books that states that silver fish are fish.

[Alcarillo]

Saruman: I am the second edition, which corrects the typo.

[Hookbill the Goomba]

Gandalf: I am the bookshops who refuse to sell the book.

[Alcarillo]

Saruman: I am the websites that sell the book.

[mormegil]

Gandalf: I am a pirate that redirects all that web traffic back to where it should be...the downs.

[Hookbill the Goomba]

Saruman: I am the exploding server... that... Explodes... with all the people now visiting... yes.

[Kuruharan]

Gandalf: I am Tom Bombadil and a merry fellow,
Bright blue my jacket is, and my boots are yellow.
I skip, prance and sing nonsense, for Tom, he is quite silly:
I also fix whatever’s wrong, all willy-nilly!

[Hookbill the Goomba]

Saruman: I am the Barrow Wight hiding behind the door.

[mormegil]

Gandalf: I am the bucket of glue precariously hanging on the door so when it's opened it falls on your head.

[Rune Son of Bjarne]

Saruman: I am the crow who cathes the bucket of glue in the air and carry it of to Farawayistan

[Kuruharan]

Gandalf: I am the Grand Pooba of Farawayistan who imposes prohibitive import duties on the bucket of glue.

[Alcarillo]

Saruman: I am the smuggler who smuggles the bucket of glue into Farawayistan.

[Hookbill the Goomba]

Gandalf: I am the policeman that catches the smugglers.

[Kuruharan]

Saruman: I am the bribe that releases the smugglers.

[Diamond18]

Gandalf: I am the counterfeit money which was used for the bribe and negates the deal.

[mormegil]

Saruman: I'm the idiot shop keep who took the money even though it was counterfeit thus making the bribe worhtwhile.

[Oddwen]

Gandalf: I am the thief who robs the store, taking with me the counterfeit coins.

[Alcarillo]

Saruman: I am another policeman who catches the thief.

[Roa_Aoife]

Gandalf: I am the master thief who also happens to be an escape artist, and so cannot be captured.

[Alcarillo]

Saruman: I am the banana peel the thief slips on while escaping.

[symestreem]

Gandalf: I am the decomposing beetles that turned the banana peel into dirt before the thief could slip.

[Alcarillo]

Saruman: I am the rain that turns the dirt into slippery mud.

[Diamond18]

Gandalf: I am the drought that stops the rain.

[The Elf-warrior]

Saruman: I am a cloud-seeding airplane!

[Valesse]

Gandalf: I am the malfunctioning apparatus which activates the a chemical release inside the airplane.

[The Elf-warrior]

Saruman: I am the professionalism of the crew!

[Farael]

Gandalf: Or lack thereof ;)

[The Elf-warrior]

Saruman: I am their successful crash-landing!

[mormegil]

Gandalf: I am the pedantic who points out that only Eagles and Fell Beasts are the only way to fly in Middle-earth, not airplanes.

[Alcarillo]

Saruman: I am the Wright brothers, magically transported to Middle-earth to mass-produce their new airplane.

[Hookbill the Goomba]

Gandalf: I am the Balrog who scares them off and eats all the airplanes.

[The Only Real Estel]

Saruman: "I am the special stomach-irritating coating that the Wright brother's used on their airplanes - driving the Balrog away & bringing the brothers back."

[Hookbill the Goomba]

Gandalf: I am the Special stuff that heals the stomach pains.

[Lhunardawen]

Saruman: I am the Bio geek who is always right and says that the special stuff catalyzes the action of digestive enzymes, which end up digesting the stomach itself. Pain galore!

(Willow, is it just me, or are you always hungry when you post in this thread? ;))

[Hookbill the Goomba]

Gandalf: I am the bully that beats up the geek! :eek:

[Alcarillo]

Saruman: I am the geek's older brother, who beats up the bully!

[mormegil]

Gandalf: I am the shoddy pant support that causes the older brother to accidentally uncloak before the attack thus it never happened.

[Alcarillo]

Saruman: I am the shoddy pant support that causes the bully to accidentally uncloak before his attack, thus it never happened.

[Oddwen]

Gandalf: I am the competition of the shoddy pant support maker, who puts out a better product and them out of business.

[Gurthang]

Saruman: I am the overzealous government, who steps in to keep the competition from monopolizing the pant support market.

[The Only Real Estel]

Gandalf: "I am the ACLU (American Civil "Liberties" Union) or another country's equivalent of it, & I levy a massive lawsuit against the overzealous government on the grounds that the older brother & bully should both be able to purchase shoddy products and thus uncloak if they want to."

[Diamond18]

Saruman: I am the nitpick who points out that pants and cloaks are not even the same thing. :p

[Alcarillo]

Gandalf: I am the maker of the new Pant-o-Cloak, the marvelous new legwear that doubles as a cloak!

[Hookbill the Goomba]

Saruman: I am the unexplained fire that burns them all at the factory.

[The Elf-warrior]

Gandalf: I am the fire insurance that pays for the damages!

[The Only Real Estel]

Saruman: "I am the underpaid workers that go on strike, refusing to remake the product."

[The Elf-warrior]

Gandalf: I am the scabs you get the factory back on it's feet!

[symestreem]

(Willow, is it just me, or are you always hungry when you post in this thread? ;))
Hehe. It does seem that way, doesn't it? But no. Just always obsessed with bugs.

SARUMAN: I am the killer bees that swarm the factory and prevent anyone from working!

Oh, and also:
symestreem: I am the duct tape of doom which will wrap itself around anyone who uncloaks! :mad: :eek:

[Lhunardawen]

Gandalf: I am the field of sweet-smelling flowers that attracts all the killer bees and turn them into--sweet honeybees. :)

[Rune Son of Bjarne]

Saruman: I am the 10389 orcs who stomps on the bees when they are sitting on the sweet-smelling flowers.

[Hookbill the Goomba]

Gandalf: I am the 10390th Orc who feels left out.

[Oddwen]

Saruman: I am the 10389 orcs who left the 10390th out.

[mormegil]

Gandalf: I am the rancid meat famine of the Third Age that wipes out hordes of orcs, including this horde.

[Hookbill the Goomba]

Saruman: I am the vegetarian Orcs who are unaffected.

[Gurthang]

Gandalf: I am the Ents, who are furious at the Orcs for being vegetarians and demolish them.

[Lhunardawen]

Saruman: I am the Entwives, who beat up the Ents for being so violent. :rolleyes: :D

[Oddwen]

Gandalf: I am the Elm tree Sam's cousin spots in the Shire, who was actually an Entish Stud who lures the Entwives away.

[Meneltarmacil]

SARUMAN: I am the lumberjack that cuts down the walking tree.

[Diamond18]

Gandalf: I am the radical enviromentalist who burns down the lumberjack's house with his wife and children inside.

[mormegil]

Saruman: I am the mainstream that stops the environmentalist radical.

[Hookbill the Goomba]

Gandalf: I am the moral Panic that distracts the mainstream.

[Holbytlass]

Saruman: I am the plastic toilet paper that makes cuting down all trees a good thing.

[The Elf-warrior]

Gandalf: I am the tree farms that make cutting down old growth forests for paper unnecessary!

[symestreem]

Saruman: I am the termites that decimate the tree farms.

[Hookbill the Goomba]

Gandalf: I am the termite poison that... erm... poisons the termites.

[Lhunardawen]

Saruman: I am the termite poison antidote that...kind of speaks for itself, doesn't it?

[Hookbill the Goomba]

Gandalf: I am the four hundred thousand miles that separates the termites from the antidote!

[Oddwen]

Saruman: I am continental drift, that suddenly brings the termites and the antidote mere inches apart.

[Valier]

Gandalf: I am an Old rotten tree that distracts the termites from their antidote!

[The Elf-warrior]

Saruman: I am the dynamite that blows up the tree stump!

[The Only Real Estel]

Gandalf: "I am that darned bad fuse that you always seem to get when you need something to light the most."

[The Elf-warrior]

Saruman: I am a homicidal maniac with a flame thrower!

[Celuien]

Gandalf: I am the fireproof salamander who swallows the flames. (Gulp)

[The Elf-warrior]

Saruman: I am a salamander eating Troll!

[Orominuialwen]

Gandalf: I am Pippin, who slays the troll.

[The Elf-warrior]

Saruman: I am the insatiable curiosity that leads him to a Darwin Award worthy death!

[Glirdan]

Gandalf: I am that explosive discovery that sets Pippin's hair on fire.

[The Elf-warrior]

Saruman: I am the lake that extinguises his hair and drowns him!

[Orominuialwen]

Gandalf: I am the giant blowtorch that evaporates the lake!

[Hookbill the Goomba]

Saruman: I am the emptiness that fills the Blowtorch.

[Oddwen]

Gandalf: I am a flaming Balrog, who needs no stinkin' fuel!

[mormegil]

Saruman: I am Glorfindel of Gondolin.

[Hookbill the Goomba]

Gandalf: I am the fall of Gondolin.

[Oddwen]

Saruman: I am all the refugees of Gondolin who escaped.

[Hookbill the Goomba]

Gandalf: I am the Dragon that swoops upon them.

[Valier]

Saruman: I am the Dragon-be-gone spray that is used on the swooping Dragon.

[High King Fingolfin]

Gandalf: I am the army of Balrogs which makes the dragon unnecessary!

[Hookbill the Goomba]

Saruman: I am the Dragon's hurt feelings which cause it to attack the Balrogs.

[Glirdan]

Gandalf: I am Johnny the Stinky Balrog who stinks the Dragon away.

[symestreem]

Saruman: I am the flock of fireflies who drive the Balrog away.

[Hookbill the Goomba]

Gandalf: I am the small village of nice folk to which the Balrog is driven.

[Gurthang]

Saruman: I am the trio of Werewolves who already terrorize this village, and so force the Balrog to leave.

[Oddwen]

Gandalf: I am the wily Seer, who dreams of and reveals the Wolves.

[Glirdan]

Saruman: I am the Cobbler which confuses the Seer.

[Hookbill the Goomba]

Gandalf: I am the Wolf who eats the cobbler.

[The Elf-warrior]

Saruman: I am the bandwagon that leads the village to destruction!

[symestreem]

Gandalf: I am the powder post beetles that eat the bandwagon!

(Wanted a break from termites. ;) )

[mormegil]

Saruman: I am the deluge that wipes out all life.

[Gurthang]

Gandalf: I am the, um, stuff that, erm, un-wipes out all life.

[Hookbill the Goomba]

Saruman: I am the grammar police who arrest you for that atrocity!

[The 1,000 Reader]

Gandalf: I am the judge that deems you a corrupt law official who is desperate to take advantage of people.

[Lhunardawen]

Saruman: I am the jinxed gavel that floats up into the air and whacks the judge on his head.

[Hookbill the Goomba]

Gandalf: I am the sheild that blocks the stones.

[Glirdan]

Saruman: I am the cleaver which cleaved the shields in half and allowed the stones to pass through.

[Alcarillo]

Gandlaf: I am the gravity that makes the gravel/gavel fall to the ground harmlessly.

[The Elf-warrior]

Saruman: I am the President who fires the judge!

[Celuien]

Gandalf: I am the wet gunpowder that fails to ignite in the cannon firing the human cannonball judge.

[The Sixth Wizard]

Saruman: I am the gunship Victory which has 100 cannons, leaving 99 with perfectly working gunpowder!

[Hookbill the Goomba]

Gandalf: I am the storm that sinks the ship.

[Glirdan]

Gandalf: I am Uinen which calms the raging Ossë who created the storm.

[Kuruharan]

Saruman: I am Uinen who cries her head off at the slightest provocation and drowns the world.

[mormegil]

Gandalf: I am the emotional calming techniques that teach Uinen to control herself ergo no tears.

[Hookbill the Goomba]

Saruman: I am the stick that pokes her until she does.

[High King Fingolfin]

Gandalf: I am the moron who is trying to be sneaky who steps on the stick, breaking it in half, and alerting everyone to his presence.

[Glirdan]

Saruman: I am the idiot who ran after the guy trying to sneak and ends up stepping on a rake and getting the handel in the face.

[Hookbill the Goomba]

Gandalf: I am the Heatray from War of the worlds that turns the rake to ash.

[Celuien]

Saruman: I am GF Handel, who rises out of the rake handle's ashes!

[High King Fingolfin]

Gandalf: I am the Messiah, which keeps Handel occupied composing me.

[Gurthang]

Saruman: I am the Doubter, who does not believe in the Messiah.

[Glirdan]

Gandalf: I am Eru who smotes the Doubter where he stands.

[Alcarillo]

Saruman: I am Eru's mercy, which keeps him from smiting the poor soul.

[Gurthang]

Gandalf: I am Death, who eventually finds the poor soul anyway.

[Hookbill the Goomba]

Saruman: I am the murder trial that occupies Death for three years.

[Glirdan]

Gandalf: I am the confused jurry that lets Death walk. (Oh, did I forget to mention they got bribed)

[symestreem]

Saruman: I am the silverfish that eat the paper money with which they were bribed.

[Gurthang]

Gandalf: I am the insecticide that kills off the silverfish.

[Hookbill the Goomba]

Saruman: I am the super shield of Doom that deflects the insecticide.

[Kuruharan]

Gandalf: I am the power failure that deactivates the shield of doom.

[Hookbill the Goomba]

Saruman: I am the back up generator that cancels out the power failure.

[Kuruharan]

Gandalf: I am the stick of dynamite that I shove into the back-up generator.

[Gurthang]

Saruman: I am the faulty fuse that keeps the dynamite stick from going off.

[High King Fingolfin]

Gandalf: I am the five other fuses that replace the first one.

[Gurthang]

Saruman: I am the error in production that makes all the fuses faulty. :p

[Alcarillo]

Gandalf: I am the other stick of dynamite shoved into the back-up generator.

[The Elf-warrior]

Saruman: I am the police that arrest the saboteur.

[High King Fingolfin]

Gandalf: I am the police superintendent who orders the lower-ranking police to stand down.

[Hookbill the Goomba]

Saruman: I am the discovered corruption that gets the superintendent sacked.