How to Annoy Sauron(a.k.a How to get yourself killed)

[Legolasfan1]

My apolagies if anyone else has started this thread, I thought I searched enough, but you never know. ;)

1. Skip around singing for he's a jolly good fellow
2.Put daisy chains around Sauron's room
3.Keep gushing about Legolas' clothes and how you want to get some just like them
4.Dye his armour hot pink
5.At meeting's, blow kisses to others
6.Sing your questions


You guys think of some because my ideas have run out :D

[Estelyn Telcontar]

This sounds like a fun thread for the Mirth forum. I'm moving it there - enjoy reading and posting!

[mormegil]

How about taking his ring?

[Hookbill the Goomba]

Sounds like lots-o-fun...

When having a talk with Sauron...

- Ask, "What is your policy on play-fighting?"
- Shout "Will you marry me?" really loudly at him so all his servants can hear him.
- Tell him "You should see my bedroom - it’s full of Star Trek posters!"
- Seriously anger him by saying, "I’m going to count to ten, and when I open my eyes I want you to be naked."
- Say, "May the Force be with you." After every sentence.
- Constantly ask, "Is that a wig?"
- Tell him "You should see my bedroom - it’s full of Geese!"

[mormegil]

While inspecting Barad-dur ask him "is constructed of legos?"
I absolutely love your new orc captian...what that's your mother?

[Bêthberry]

Don't you think you could use a good, new monacle?

My, what a quaint shape you have assumed!

[Mithalwen]

Try to sell him double glazing.

Suggest Listerine might help with the black breath...

[Morai]

"Have you considered a contact lense? I think you would look much better in blue."

Or

"My your eye seems a little bloodshot, do you want some eyedrops?"

[Hookbill the Goomba]

Saying, "Sauron is so stupid! Look at his face - he loves me poking him with this broom!" is probably not wise.

[Farael]

For (movie) Sauron: Let a few dozen white doves fly... straight into the big search-light eye.

For (book) Sauron: Take the One ring to him, but along make a few hundred copies.... and play "Deal or No Deal" with him, tossing the ones not chosen to Orodurin.

[Laleena]

Sing your questions

Shout wow after every sentence of his lecture

Watch people through binoculars :D

[Rikae]

Insert witticisms like "It's better than a sharp stick in the eye!" or "eye'll be seeing you!" or "My, what a big eye you have!" into every sentence, and then double over with laughter.

[Hookbill the Goomba]

During one of Saurons speeches or lectures, shout "I love it!" really, really, really, REALLY loudly every seven minutes.

Get the plastic thing from the middle of a Kinder Egg, and put it in your mouth and spit it out at him really hard!

Ask him if he wants a palantir fight.

Hand him a shopping list full of really funny items, such as 'Eye cream', 'monocles', 'contact lenses', and 'EYES' and say, "If you could get those to me by three o'clock, that'd be great!"

Then poke him with a stick.

Turn up to a 'join the Mordor Army' interview session, wearing one of those novelty inflatable sumo wrestler suits. Only with a tie.

Fire all of his clothes and armour out of a catapult into Mount Doom... For a joke!

Bring a flamingo to Barad-Dur and try to ride it around the battlements.

[mormegil]

Call him 'Pookey' frequently.

Have him wear a bonnet.

Tell him "Voldermort could kick your butt"

[Esgallhugwen]

Quite seriously state that pink is the new black in defense of why you painted his chambers a blushing pink pastel colour.

[Legolasfan1]

Bring him a seeing eye rooster as a B-day present

Adress him as your excellency then say may your eye never dry out

[mormegil]

WEDGIE!!!

[Morai]

Send him a bag of brass rings from the 25 cent machines.

[Farael]

For his birth-day, prepare him a big white cake and sing "For he's a jolly GOOD fellow, for he's a jolly GOOD fellow..."

[Erue]

Flash photography!

[Hookbill the Goomba]

Tell him, "If you don’t fulfil your dream of establishing Europe’s premier freak show soon it’ll be too late!"

Put Jelly in his contact lenses.

Pretend to die but in an obviously fake way saying, "Woe is me! If only Sauron wasn't so dreadfully ugly, I could stand to live! But alas no! Woe! Woe! Woe!"

Circulate posters of Sauron in a dress.

Then give one to him.

When he is talking to you, release a balloon so that it "razzes" around the room.

Turn up to a private meeting with a dwarf, and refuse to explain, or to introduce him to Sauron or any one else. When they ask, just say: “You don’t mind, do you?”

Poke him.

Do all of the above in the space of half an hour.

[Farael]

Warning: Farael does not condone the use of cigarettes

Use his eye to light up.

[Laleena]

Ask him were his eyelashes are

Ask him how expensive single fireproof contact lenses are

Say " Who's the lucky girl?" and point to his ring

Give him and the ringwraiths pet names

Get him drunk

Start singing elvish ballads and recite their poems when he's around

Tell him he'll make a great villian someday :D

Have a staring contest with him and win

( Some are lame but that's ok)

[Laleena]

Ask him how he can hear with no ears
Play peek-a-boo with him
When his evil plans fail pat him on the head..er eyelid and tell him he'll do better
next time
Pop up everywhere and yell I see YOU
Ask his opionin on elves
Make friendship bracelets for you and him
Have a sleepover
Poke him in the eye
Play M.A.S.H with him and give him the choices of Galadriel,Legolas, or Elrond



I'm on a roll, but they are calling me for dishes *sigh*

[Morai]

Ask him: "Have you ever tried wearing a monacle?"
"Are you reeaaaaaaaaallly the Dark Lord? Or are you just an impersanator?"
"Do you visit your eye doctor often?"
"Does the Mouth of Sauron talk your ears off?"

[Farael]

If you are the dark lord, howcome you are represented with a big eye on fire? Fire makes light, and that's not too dark!

[Rikae]

Suggest he replace the Nazgul's horses with migratory coconuts.

[Merrivere]

Two words:


Pepper. Spray.

[Hookbill the Goomba]

Fill Barad dur full of rice

... and then pump water in.

Or

Fill Barad Dur full of Jelly.

[Morai]

Turn Mt. Doom into one giant icebox.

Sell his ring, his Nazgul, and his orks on E-bay.

[Nimrodel_9]

Poke him in the eyeAh dang, Laleena already got it.

[Laleena]

Note to all Downers

You can just call me Leena :D

[Turin Mormegil]

Answer "yo mama" to everything he says.
Tell him after he loses the War of the Ring "you suck, Darth Vader could do better than you"
Say "you look better in the movie"

[mhagain]

Compare everything he says or does to Melkor.

"Melkor wouldn't have done it that way". "Melkor knew how to treat his minions properly". "Melkor wouldn't have been dumb enough to lose a piddly ring". "If Melkor was here now I bet this wouldn't be happening". "Melkor would have overthrown Minas Tirith easily enough".

[FeRaL sHaDoW]

tell him the ring makes him look fat

[narfforc]

Ask him: What's the similarity between a Dark Lord of Mordor and a Kit-Kat, then tell him that a Kit-Kat has four fingers also.


or


Tell him that when he is feeling lonely and needs someone to talk to, he could always give you a Ring.

[The Only Real Estel]

Go trick-or-treating to Barad-Dur in a Huon costume.

[Captain Grishnahk]

Whenver he tells you to do somthing... say "Aye! Get it... you're an eye."
That's not funny... but i'll think of one that is.

[Dunwen]

Tell him the MERS (Middle Earth Revenue Service) sent him a notice that he owes 3,000 years of back payroll taxes.

He has to find the Form 9731 used in each calendar year (by the Elves' reckoning) and fill one out for each minion of Mordor for each year he/she/it was on the payroll, sign them, make copies of all of the signed originals for Mordor's files and mail them, along with payment, to PO Box VALAR-01. By next Monday.

Additionally, he has to fill out the necessary forms for all private contractors (i.e. Shelob, Saruman, the Corsairs of Umbar) for every year they rendered service to the Dark Lord of a worth greater than 100 silver pennies, in triplicate. Page one must be sent to the MERS. By next Monday. Page two must be sent to the contractors themselves and the third page is, of course, for the files of Mordor.

Then he has to compute the estimated local unemployment insurance for Mordor for the upcoming calendar year, make his initial deposit to cover them, and make sure he has enough Form M9731s for all his minions to fill out for the upcoming calendar year (Elves' reckoning).

And he's being audited. Next Monday.

[Hookbill the Goomba]

Get an overweight Orc to wear Sauron's armour and parade around in it doing poor impressions of The Dark Lord.

OR

Show up to a meeting in one of those inflatable sumo-wrestler suits.

[Elonve]

Make fat jokes about his 'Mummy'

Talk in a very annoying spitty voice.

Prance around in his knickers singing, "I am Lord Sauron! Weeeeee!"
________
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[Morai]

Get an overweight Orc to wear Sauron's armour and parade around in it doing poor impressions of The Dark Lord.

Nah, I think an prissy, stuck up elf would be better. Or, in case the elf refuses on grounds of poor pay, have Saruman do the job. That would really tick Sauron off. :D

[Elonve]

poke him in his eye
________
SQUIRTING WET (http://www.****tube.com/categories/1015/wet/videos/1)

[Morai]

Walk up to Sauron, and tell him in a professional voice "Boss? The Police called earlier. It seems they've written you a ticket for using a Palantir while driving." :p

[Hookbill the Goomba]

Morris Dancing... Orcs?

[Alphaelin]

Tell him you've enrolled the Orcs in ballet class, and that he has to watch their recital. Dress the Orcs in pink costumes, with maribou feathers. Make the Orcs dance to 'I'm a little teapot', and make them practice it about fifty times a day. Be sure to plan the recital for the exact moment Aragorn's army shows up at the Morannon.

[Elmo]

Claim that the size of Barad-Dur is Sauron trying to compensate for something

THE LACK OF A SECOND EYE of course, what did you think i was meaning :p

Chant ma me ma mo, ma me ma mae over and over again in an irritating high pitch voice, no wait just get Pippin to do it :D

[Thenamir]

Send him a case of Visine.

[Celegost]

When hes adressing his massive orc army, shout "everybody dance now" :D

[xyzzy]

Vividly describe a dream to him which you had where he dies a torturous death.

Include stabbing sound effects for bonus points.

Eye stabbing sounds.

[The Sixth Wizard]

Build up a massive army of elves, men and other nice people, invade Barad-Dur and set a dog on him 'just like old times'.

Tell him Luthien is better than him.

Tell him Felagund nearly beat him at singing.

Laugh at his singing.

STOP HIM SINGING.

Tell him that even if Minas Tirith had been invaded and there was a second Dark Years that Eru would have put a foot in and sunk the party anyway.

Tell him his old vampire suit makes his rear end look big.

Listen to him say his eye is superior to all attack and sees all, then get a mate and sneak up on him from behind and front simultaneously.

Tell him that he has the worst army in Battle For Middle Earth 2.

Tell him Saruman's orcs are bigger, smarter and have more dynamite.

Inform him of the fact he was beaten by a dog OVER AND OVER AND OVER.

Then inform him of the fact he was beaten by a midget.

... And his chief servant was beaten by a girl.

Tell him Aragorn looks more manly than him.

Ask whether wearing a big black helmet hides his pimples.

Enlighten him upon Olay Ultra-Clear. (the spot is gone in 24 hours!)

Tell him Artemis Fowl is WAY smarter than him.

Then prove it in a game of cross-book correspondence chess.

Ask whether he is really a HE.

...Run away from her. ;)


Aaaaaah, cynicality.

[lothlorien]

Throw popcorn kerdles into mount doom and then ask him what movie does he want to watch with you.

Then ask to watch it on the eye of Sauron and when he says no pout and say well you said you can see everything" and then complain that he never wants to do anything with you.

[Boo Radley]

When the spotlight-like beam from his eye hits you, go into an old soft shoe number.

That's what I'd do.

Seriously.

[Morgoth's Apprentice]

-dump a bucket of water on his eye
-try to put his eye out with a pointed stick
-insult him right to his face (i mean eye i guess)
-tell him that the witch king is a poor choice for a servant
-insult Morgoth in front of him
-play hide and seek with him until he gets ****ed off that he cant find you

..more to come later...

[kementari]

Firstly misplace his morning supply of coffee...
Pull all the blankets on to your side (he doesn't need them, he's all flames anyway)
Don't iron the creases out of his work shirts.

I'm sure he's not that tempamental, but hey who knows.

[Galadriel55]

Tell him he's cross-eyed.
Spray hair-spray into his eye.
Tell him that 9 fingers really isn't enough for a King of ME.
Offer him to tutor him in music. Particularly in singing.
Ask him if he ever blinks.
Present him with a fake Ruling Ring.
Through sand in his eye.
Tell him that a hairy midget will destroy him.
Knock on Barad-dur's gates and say "pizza's here!"
Tell him that there are atom bombs prepared in Minas Tirith, and his best weapon is a rusty musket.
Tell him that his eye would be more attractive if it was green.
Say "Huan" in his earshot (eye-shot?)
Remind him that he doesn't have a license to use a palantir.

There are so many ways!:)

[Galadriel55]

Ask Sauron, "can I please borrow your contact lenses?"

Or simply tell him that he needs glasses.

[Lotrelf]

Dear Sauron, can I hire your country and especially Barad-dur for a month or so? I want to shoot for an episode of Man vs. Wild. We'll come on Eagles so that it doesn't take long.
And
Don't you get bored sitting all the time in your creepy Tower? Go and see the world it's better.

[Ivriniel]

Tell him that, really, he was just jealous of Arwen, because, secretly, he had the hots for Aragorn, and never coped with the rejection. And offer him anti-stalking counselling.

[Lotrelf]

Another one: Show him this thread. We'd see if he isn't annoyed! And doesn't come to kill us ALL.