Reasons why LOTR is better than Star Wars

[Thenamir]

I saw a posting elswhere on the Internet (Gasp! You mean there are other places on the Internet? Scary!!) where a clan of Star Wars fans (known as "warsies") and LOTR fans (known as "ringers") were engaged in a funny one-up contest over which series of movies was better. Here are some examples:

Warsie: In Star Wars, Christopher Lee was beaten by a butt-kicking Jedi named Yoda. In LOTR, he was beaten by a slow-moving tree named Treebeard.

Ringer: Gandalf's friend and ally who owed him a life debt was Gwahir Windlord, the noble king of the giant eagles. Qui Gon had Jar Jar.

Warsie: Cut off Sauron's hand, he goes home and spends thousands of years convalescing. Cut off Anakin's hand, he becomes a powerful Sith. Cut off his hand AGAIN, he single-handedly (ha!) defeats the evil Emperor.

Ringer: Galadriel was youthful and divinely beautiful despite being over 4000 years old. Yoda of the Jedi Council looked like death itself after a mere 900.

I know we can do better than this (although this was pretty good). Using the format above, tell us in your own words why LOTR is better than Star Wars!

[Beanamir of Gondor]

I'm afraid I'm part Warsie (come on, Qui-Gon/Jar Jar? what about Han and Chewbacca!?) but I'll give this a spin anyway. :D

Ringer: Faramir and Eowyn both earn merit in battle, are wounded, and finally end up together in a blissful union in Ithilien, where both are beloved by Gondorians and Rohirrim alike. Anakin and Padme betray their respective Councils in order to get married, squabble a lot, and eventually both end up dead--after Anakin destroys the Galactic Republic.

[Bêthberry]

Warsie: SW was filmed by a truly original, creative filmmaker.

Ringer: LotR was written by a better writer.

[Lhunardawen]

Warsie: Gollum.

Ringer: Ewoks.

[The Might]

Ringer: Grond!
Warsie: Death Star!
Ringer: Anduril!
Warsie: Lightsaber!
Ringer:...

[Thenamir]

Beanamir -- that was awesome!

Ringer: Arwen can kick butt in a skirt and sixteen crinolines. Unlike Amidala, who must strip to leggings and a midriff-baring shirt.

Warsie: Star Wars has a Christmas special!

[Beanamir of Gondor]

Thank you. :D

Warsie: At least our scoundrels weren't really scruffy-looking.
Ringer: At least our scruffy-looking heroes were honest.

[Mithalwen]

You know that Anthony Daniels who was C-3PO was the voice of Legolas in the Bakshi version? Orlando Bloom suddenly seems very macho... :p

[mormegil]

Warsie: Star Wars has a Christmas special!

Ringer: Star Wars has a Christmas special!

[Thenamir]

Warsie: Saruman sends out Orcs to do his bidding. Vader kills enemies personally.
Ringer: Uruk-hai, unlike stormtroopers, can fight.

Warsie: Bad Gollum's grammar is.
Ringer: At least Gollum doesn't sound like Grover.

Warsie: Rancor
Ringer: Cave Troll

On the other hand...

Ringer: Bill.
Warsie: Millenium Falcon. No contest.

[mormegil]

Warsie: Frodo whinning when he says "Gandalf"

Ringer: "But I was going into Tashi Station to pick up some power converters."

[Legate of Amon Lanc]

Warsie: Imagine the silly storyline. If it were like in your LotR, in our Star Wars Luke would've had to receive the Emperor from his father and then carried him all the way through all the Episodes, when in the end he would still throw him into that shaft.
Ringer: And what about your silly storyline? I don't like the idea of Frodo revealing that Gollum is his father, and in the end also that Sam is his sister!

ALSO

Warsie: Sarlacc is far bigger than Shelob, I am sure.
Ringer: Of course, but only because Ufthak wasn't a Bounty Hunter.

ALSO

Warsie: You have plenty of battles in Tolkien's books, but in comparison to all the intergalactic battles in Star Wars, they are all pretty insignificant.
Ringer: But it was the battle of Endor which decided it all.

[mormegil]

Warsie: A ring destroys the ultimate baddie

Ringer: Better than an exhaust shaft!

[The Might]

Warsie: There's a lot more Star Wars books then LotR ones!
Ringer: That's because they're all from the Expanded Universe series and eventually make it all so complicated you can'f even figure out what happens after Episode VI!

[Hama Of The Riddermark]

Warsie: Come on! Wizards? Talking Trees? Don't make me laugh!

Ringer: ...Jedi?

[Salacia Deloresista]

warsie: small men, hairy feet
ringer: yoda

[Beanamir of Gondor]

Ringer: Our Christopher Lee had massive sorcerer powers.
Warsie: ....Our Christopher Lee had his REAL NOSE.

Ringer: Bilbo!
Warsie: Admiral Ackbar!
(erm, maybe that's just me...?)

Warsie: Okay, Legolas? Princess Leia was more manly.
Ringer: Okay, Anakin? Made Legolas look butch and intelligent.
Warsie: *grumbles*

[Oddwen]

Warsies: Use the Force, Luke!

Ringers: Do not use It, Frodo!

And...

Warsies: Luke, I am your father!

Ringers: He's my second cousin once removed on his mother's side, and my first cousin...

And...

Warsies: Join with me, Luke, and together we will rule this galaxy as father and son!

Ringers: You had better come live with me, Frodo my lad, and celebrate our birthdays comfortably together.

And...

Warsies: I've got a bad feeling about this...

Ringers: A shadow and a threat have been growing in my mind.

And...

Warsies: Obi-Wan Kenobi. Obi-Wan. Now that's a name I've not heard in a long time.

Ringers: Gandalf...yes, that was what they used to call me. Gandalf the Grey.

And...

Warsies:

Ben: You'll have to sell your speeder.
Luke: That's okay. I'm never coming back to this planet again.

Ringers:

Frodo: I feel that as long as the Shire lies behind, safe and comfortable, I shall find wandering more bearable: I shall know that somewhere there is a firm foothold, even if my feet cannot stand there again.


And...

Warsies: Why, you slimy, double-crossing, no-good swindler. You gotta a lot of guts coming here after what you pulled.

Ringers: Gandalf, my old friend.

And...

Warsies: Luminous beings are we, not this crude matter!

Ringers: Who are you, yourself, alone, and nameless?

And...

Warsies: Good! Use your aggressive feelings, boy. Let the hate flow through you.

Ringers: Pity? It was Pity that stayed Bilbo's hand! Pity, and Mercy...

And...

Warsies: A long time ago, in a galaxy far, far away...

Ringers: In a hole in the ground there lived a Hobbit.


Er...sorry...some of this isn't very complimentary of LotR...

[The Might]

Warsie: We have cooler video games!
Ringer: We have an MMORPG! :D

[Brinniel]

Warsie: What kind of names are Frodo, Bilbo, Legolas, Gimli.... And Merry? C'mon, that's a girl's name!

Ringers: Well, at least they're better names than Padme Amidala, Obi Wan Kenobi, and Jar Jar Binks. And really...you shouldn't be making fun when one of the lead characters is nicknamed Ani (short for Anakin).

:p

[Ataralasse]

Warsie: We have Luke Skywalker!
Ringer: That's a PLUS?!

~o~

Warsie: Han and Leia, Luke and Mara.
Ringer: Beren and Luthien, Eluthingol and Melian, Aragorn and Arwen, Tuor and Idril Celebrindal --
Warsie: Enough!

~o~

Warsie: Ring as the source of ultimate power?
Ringer: Laser beam sword that mysteriously stops after three feet?

~o~

Warsie: You needed a book!
Ringer: At least we had a good one. You didn't even have a mediocre script!

[The 1,000 Reader]

Warsie: Emperor Palpatine did a ton of work himself, fooled the entire galaxy into giving him supreme power, made the Jedi nearly extinct, nearly killed Luke with lightning, and the only time he lost a fight was when he allowed himself to be beaten so that he could convert Anakin to the Dark Side. He could also wipe out three trained knights like they were nothing as an old man.

Ringer: Sauron was practically an angel, could change shape, and had a volcano in his home. He corrupted Numenor too.

Warsie: Yeah, Sauron was also humiliated by a dog, Numenor was already down a dark path, the Ring never helped him, two minor characters killed him when he had the Ring before the book took place, he had the hots for Galadriel once when in a sense she was his daughter, and Palpatine had Mustafar under his control. That whole planet's like Mount Doom's interior.

Ringer:...Morgoth-

Warsie:-You're talking about LOTR, not the Sil.

Honestly, I always saw Palpatine as the better villain, especially after reading about Sauron's loss to Huan.

[The Might]

Warsie: A lightsaber could cut through any ME armor
Ringer: Well, Anduril can someone an undead army that would scare off all your clone warriors

Ringer: Did you see how cool the Watcher in the Water was?
Warsie: Did you see those fish on Naboo?

[Elfchick7]

Ringer: LOTR has some of the most lovable characters
Warsie: Chewie
Ringer:....

----

Warsie: Arwen has a VERY minimal action role. I mean seriously, what does she do to help anyone.
Ringer: Leah doesn't seem to be good for much more than bossing people around and mouthing off, it seems to me Mon Mothma did all of the work.
Warsie: Leah was good with a blaster.
Ringer: Arwen has kick butt sword skills. It only took Leah five shots to kill one storm-trooper. At least Arwen has neat hair styles (ROTK headress). Leah has...danishes.

[Ataralasse]

Warsie: We have more movies.
Ringer: We have BETTER movies.
Warsie: What about the animated ones?
Ringer: What about the Star Wars Holiday Special?
Warsie: ::cringe::

~o~

Warsie: Blasters are better than arrows: fast and accurate.
Ringer: Arrows are fast and accurate AND cool. Blasters are all the same.

~o~

Warsie: We have Jedi.
Ringer: We have Elves.

~o~

Warsie: Luke, Han. Cool good guys.
Ringer: Legolas, Aragorn, Boromir, Gimli, Gandalf, Merry, Pippin, Frodo, Sam and that's just the Fellowship!

~o~

Warsie: C-3PO and R2-D2.
Ringer: Legolas and Gimli.

~o~

Warsie: Darth Vader.
Ringer: Nazgul.

[The Might]

Warsie: How come even though Aragorn made all good, Tolkien says wrote about evil returning some time later?
Ringer: How come that after Luke brought back balance to the Force, the Yuuzhan Vong invasion that took place only 25 years later killed 365 trillion people?
Warsie:...why do you Ringers have to know so much?
Ringer: :D

Warsie: We have a lot more races!
Ringer: That look more or less the same, with small differences.
Warsie: That's not true...Aayla Secura...
Ringer: She looks just like a woman except with two tentacles on her head and different skin
Warsie:...at least she doesn't have a beard like Dwarven women!

[Beanamir of Gondor]

Warsie: Our spaceships can travel across the galaxy in the time it takes Frodo to walk down the road to Sam's burrow.
Ringer: Yeah, well, Bill's hyperdrive didn't break every fifteen minutes.

Warsie: Dude, we started out Billy Dee Williams.
Ringer: Er... Orlando Bloom went on to do "Pirates", and didn't have to resort to ALIEN MOVIES (http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0106244/)...

Warsie: Why didn't you just use the Eagles?
Ringer: ....

And what in the name of Eru is this? --> :Merisu:

[Oddwen]

Warsie: Why didn't you just use the Eagles?
Ringer: ....
Ringer: Yeah, well why didn't Luke just use the Force?

Warsie: He did.

Ringer: He did? Fool of a Skywalker, that was dangerous!

Warsie: Dude, the Force isn't good or bad. It just is.

Ringer: ...oh.

[Legate of Amon Lanc]

(inspired by Oddwen) :Merisu:

Ringer: You are getting really boring with all this "Use the Force, Luke! Use the Force, Luke!"
Warsie: "Don't use the Ring, Frodo! Don't use the Ring, Frodo!"

One little bit different thing, but it came to my mind and just felt that it needs to be added:

(Barad-Dur throne room. The Mouth of Sauron and Frodo with chains on his hands enter.)
Sauron: Welcome, young Baggins. I've been expecting you. You no longer need those. (takes off the chains)
Mouth of Sauron: His Ring. (gives the One Ring to Sauron)
Sauron (examines the Ring): Ah, yes, a Ring of Power. Much like your father's.
Frodo: Is he really senile or what? It's YOUR ring! The one you've been looking for all the time! And besides, Bilbo was not my father, he was my uncle.

[Durelin]

Warsie: Darth Vader, just before he died, was revealed to be an egg-headed pasty white man.
Ringer: The Witch-King frickin' IMPLODED, man!

And yet...

Ringer: Sauron could make you suffer you with just his eye.
Warsie: Darth Vader could kill you with his MIND.

Plus...


Warsie: We have cooler video games!
Ringer: We have an MMORPG!
Warsie: We have LEGOS.

Plus...

Ringer: We have Liv Tyler with pointy ears and a gauzy as translucent as we could get away with dress.
Warsie: We have Carrie Fisher in a metal bikini. With a leash.

Pwn'd.

Oh, wait...*notes the thread title*...woops.

[CaptainofDespair]

Warsie: We have cooler video games!
Ringer: We have an MMORPG! :D

Warsie: We had an MMORPG, too.
Ringer: Until Sony got bored.

[The Might]

Hmm...I must agree with you on that Carrie Fisher part...:cool:

Ringer: After death, Men go back to Eru
Warsie: At least in Star Wars they still are able to help you after death

[The Might]

Umm...does anyone have a problem with my last post? :confused:

[alatar]

Too funny!

Warsie: Sure, you have Liv Tyler, but Carrie Fisher rocks!
Ringer: She's also about 1000 now...

W: The Lay of Beren and Tinuviel (http://oldpoetry.com/opoem/47903-J-R-R-Tolkien-Luthien-Tinuviel)
R: Anikin and Padme...


From the moment I met you, all those years ago, not a day has gone by when I haven't thought of you. And now that I'm with you again... I'm in agony. The closer I get to you, the worse it gets. The thought of not being with you- I can't breath. I'm haunted by the kiss that you should never have given me. My heart is beating... hoping that kiss will not become a scar. You are in my very soul, tormenting me... what can I do?- I will do anything you ask.
Padme thinks to herself, "How about not desert and attempt to kill me later on, hmm?" ;)

[Ataralasse]

Warsie: We have the Force.
Ringer: That is NOT a plus. Mystical blah-blah-blah.

~o~

Warsie: Obi-Wan sacrificed himself for his friends, was a great warrior, and a teacher of the Chosen One.
Ringer: What a spectacular teacher he was! His first pupil turned to the 'Dark Side', his second pupil had no more brains than a pin! He was also a liar. Gandalf sacrificed himself for his friends, was a great warrior, a great teacher, AND he told the truth!

~o~

Warsie: The Death Star's explosion.
Ringer: Gandalf's fireworks.

~o~

Warsie: The Jedi are for the good of all.
Ringer: The good guys in Lord of the Rings don't need commissions. They just do it.

~o~

Warsie: Palpatine transferred his spirit from one body to another.
Ringer: Classic comic-book death. Annoying, repetitive, and improbable.
Warsie: Gandalf was resurrected!
Ringer: That's different: Eru sent him back.
Warsie: I just can't win, can I?
Ringer: Nope! :D

[Oddwen]

Warsie: From the moment I met you, all those years ago, not a day has gone by when I haven't thought of you. And now that I'm with you again... I'm in agony. The closer I get to you, the worse it gets. The thought of not being with you- I can't breathe. I'm haunted by the kiss that you should never have given me. My heart is beating... hoping that kiss will not become a scar. You are in my very soul, tormenting me... what can I do?- I will do anything you ask.

Ringer: LotR can't possibly be turned into emo poetry!

[The 1,000 Reader]

Ringer: LotR can't possibly be turned into emo poetry!

Warsie: You don't visit FF.net, do you?
Ringer:...well, there are some fans that do wr-
Warsie: Yeah, those fans totally forget that Tolkien pretty much made his works fanfic proof. They're complete and written in solid stone.

[Finduilas]

Ringer: What's up with the broom brushes on Padme's head in film 1?
Warsie: Um, that's her hairdo.
Ringer: Sorry, couldn't tell the difference, no offence meant.

[Elfchick7]

Ringer: We have hobbits
Warsie: We have droids
Ringer: Aside from R2D2, that is not a plus

[Thenamir]

Ringer: Saruman grew his own armies. Palpatine/Sidious had to outsource the job.

[Beanamir of Gondor]

Ringer: Besides the fact that your main cast of characters, even the BAD GUYS, were supposed to be from different planets, they were all human and basically the same race. The Fellowship alone had Dwarves, Elves, Hobbits, Men, and a Wizard. Your only main character who was non-human died.
Warsie: Wait, who?
Ringer: Chewbacca.
Warsie: He did n... Oh, good grief. How do you know all this?
Ringer: *evil laugh*


Warsie: We have an entire universe in our series.
Ringer: Yeah, but who created it?

[Lindale]

Warsie: Three thousand years did not advance your technology; you still fight with swords, arrows, and spears!

Ringer: At least we had magic and Elves.

Warsie: The Force!

Ringer: So much for technology. =D

[Thenamir]

Ringer: Palpatine had only one guy in black suit and cool cape to do his dirty work, scare the bejeebers out of the good guys. Sauron had NINE of them.

[Rikae]

Er...sorry...some of this isn't very complimentary of LotR...
Actually, I would say it is. So much more subtlety and style...it becomes clear which is the real thing and which is the cheap knock-off.

Er....*backs slowly away from a crowd of homocidal lightsabre-brandishing maniacs*

[Oddwen]

I don't remember if I mentioned - I must credit www.wikiquote.com for most of that.

[shieldmaiden4xsword]

Warsie: We have a lot more races!
Ringer: That look more or less the same, with small differences.
Warsie: That's not true...Aayla Secura...
Ringer: She looks just like a woman except with two tentacles on her head and different skin
Warsie:...at least she doesn't have a beard like Dwarven women!

Ringer: Bothan (http://starwars.wikia.com/wiki/Bothan) women had beards....

[Squire]

Warsie: Aragorn marries a 3000 year old elf

Ringer: At least he didn't kiss his sister

[Lord Halsar]

Warsie: The best villain in our fiction could wipe out entire planets for lunch!
Ringer: Oh yeah, Nihilus. Didn't he get killed by a middle-aged mercenary, a blind girl, and a Jedi who forgot how to hold his lightsaber?
Warsie: How do you guys know everything about both fictions!?
Ringer: We spend our time finding what we can use against you while you're all waiting for the new fake lightsabers to come out.
Warsie: Curse you addicting plastic weapons! Curse You!

[Groin Redbeard]

Warsie: All Star Wars fans are crazy about Star Wars.

Ringer: Our fans are passionate about Lord of the Rings.

[Nerwen]

Warsie: Aragorn marries a 3000 year old elf

Ringer: At least he didn't kiss his sister

Warsie (brandishing copy of CoH): Sure you want to go THERE, Ringer?

[Finduilas]

Warsie (brandishing copy of CoH): Sure you want to go THERE, Ringer?

Mwahahaha. But really, you're supposed to take the Ringers side.;)

[Nerwen]

I have divided loyalties...:(

[Galadriel55]

Warsie: LOTR doesn't have any cool technology! It's stuck in medieval times, and they fight with swords!
Ringer: Star Wars has a ton of technology, and nevertheless the best fighters still fight with swords.


Warsie: I like Star Wars because it's so captivating!
Ringer: I love LOTR, because it is.
Warsie: Is what?
Ringer: It is.