Worst Middle Earth Occupations

[Tar-Elara]

While doing rather meaningless tasks at my job, I began to wonder what the worst occupations in Middle Earth would look like. Here is what I have come up with so far:

1. Dentist to the Mouth of Sauron.
2. Shire Nutritionist.
3. Harbinger of bad news to Morgoth.
4. Feanor’s anger management coach.
5. Orkin man in the realm of Mordor.
6. Polisher of Grond.

Please add on if you wish....

[Mithalwen]

Well if we can stretch Middle Earth to include Numenor then I should think that being Aldarion and Erendis' marriage guidance counsellor would have been a bit of a challenge...

[Eomer of the Rohirrim]

Nice thread. :D

Balrog dance-instructor.
Go-between for Ent negotiations.
Orc lawyer.

[Tar-Elara]

hehe. Absolutely hilarious, yet slightly disturbing, image of a Balrog in a pink tutu!

[Hookbill the Goomba]

- Hobbit dietician

- Oliphant cage cleaner

- Elven funeral director (not much business, really... They are actually behind a lot of the wars the Elves get into)

- Sauron's optician.

[MaultheStoor]

I feel sorry for whoever had to clean Sauron's contact lenses.:( I also feel sorry for Gollum's therapist.

[Elmo]

Captain of the last ship into Numenor.

Gothmog troll bodyguard.

Fangorn forester.

[Valesse]

-Mordorian census-taker.
-Barad-dur marketing representive.
-Highway patrol. Anywhere.

[Morgoth's Apprentice]

- moving target practice for Elven archers
- the messenger that told Morgoth the Valar were coming
- a defender of Osgiliath
-an Elf set to guard Gollum

[Morgoth's Apprentice]

- moving target practice for Elven archers
- the messenger that told Morgoth the Valar were coming
- a defender of Osgiliath
-an Elf set to guard Gollum

[Morthoron]

Hmmmm....worst professions?

1) Hobbit podiatrist ('Well, I wouldn't be very proud of those feet, Mr. Proudfoot.')
2) Dwarvish matchmaker ('Oh, you'll love her beard, Mr. Stonehelm, it's...ummm...just like yours!')
3) Arborist in Fangorn ('I was just trying to prune some dead branches. How did I know he was an Ent?')
4) Hospitality Director at Mordor's Center for Tourism
5) Gollum's psychoanalyst

[mormegil]

The poor wretch that puts on armor, loin cloth, whatever on the the troll

[kementari]

having to take the inner leg measurements from under his cloak...eww
:eek:

[Hakon]

Sauron's Interior Designer

Dwarf Barber

Orc Chef

Feanor's Lawyer

Boromir's Private Doctor

[Tuor in Gondolin]

- Turin's anger management councillor

- vegan shopowner in the Shire

- Gollum's dentist (and that's without even getting
into making Smeagol a set of dentures)

[Lindale]

- shoemakers in the Shire
- Denethor's therapist
- Smeagol's grandmother... having to tell the kids to not fight over rings.

I fancy Denethor's cook to have not a very bad time though, and so do Thranduil's wine tasters.

[Hakon]

Balrog Hunter

Staff Polisher for Gandalf

[mormegil]

Lead Janitor of Mordor, orcs can be such nasty foul creatures.

[Erendis]

Plastic surgeon in Rivendel:p

[Hakon]

Fashion Designer for Orcs and Trolls.

[Erendis]

Inn's owner in the Wild

[Hakon]

Okay this is just a bit stereotypical but I couldn't resist.

Aragorn's mother in law. I mean like if he were not with Arwen. I could picture her nagging him.

[Erendis]

Just imagine her:
''Were the Mordor(hell)have you been?Alas my daughter that didn't listen to my advice and got married to you!She does this all alone to give you spare time and YOU ARE NOT KING YET!'':D:D:D

[Hakon]

"Look at that throne there. It has dirt on it. If you are going to be a King you need a clean throne. Why does your sword have blood on it? Are you abusing my daughter?"

If Sauron had a mother in law that would just be really funny.

[Erendis]

"Why do you wear maskarah,Cursed(dear)?Shouldn't you fire these wights and hire at last a proper buttler?And that jerk to stay away my grandchildren until he washes his teeth!''

[Galadriel55]

Ugluk's housekeeper certainly has a tough job!
Master Ugluk, would you please start taking off your boots when you come home?

[Blind Guardian]

Barad-Dûr painters! ("We're all out of black!")

[Hookbill the Goomba]

Barad-Dûr painters! ("We're all out of black!")

Most of the upper rooms are bright pink and furnished with fluffy sofas.

[Galadriel55]

Saruman's orc-scout in Fangorn Forest.
Orc dressmaker.
Treebeard's time management guide.
Anyone holding a birthday party for an Elf - Happy nine hundred seventy six thousand eight hundred and thirty fifth birthday, sir! What hall will you spare for the storage of the candles?
A tourist in the Barrow Downs. That is, the real Barrow Downs. :p
Gollum's cook.
Glaurung's optician.
Legolas' secretary - Legolas, sir, 30 appointments per day is not enough. You'll have to change the schedule to 50 appointments a day - there already is a line of about two thousand fangirls requesting a meeting...
Smaug's bank accountant (that's what it's called, isn't it?)
The person who does Gandalf's laundry - you naughty wizard, you've stained your beautiful white robes again!!!

[Blind Guardian]

Barad-Dûr sword sharpener
Butcher in Izenguard

[Nessa Telrunya]

1.Gollum's voice coach
2.Saruman's laundry person(because of his socks!)

[Galadriel55]

A herb-master in Isengard.
Aragorn's boot polisher.

[Nessa Telrunya]

Warg groomer

[Blind Guardian]

Sauron's dentist
Maedhros's hand (yeah, that's really getting annoying)

[Galadriel55]

Sauron's optitian.