Funny Middle Earth Books

[Tar-Elara]

During yet another stultifying day at work, my friens and I came up with another odd category: Shortest, or least popular, books in the realm of Arda:
For Example:
Denethor's guide to parenting.
Gollum's grammar guide.

Any suggestions?

[Rikae]

Decluttering your Hobbit Hole
Family Camping in the Old Forest
Are YOU Entitled to Immortality? A Legal Guide for Half-Elves
Rosie Cotton's Birth Control Encyclopedia
101 Ways to Eat a Silmaril
Melkor's Introduction to Music Theory

[Estelyn Telcontar]

Fun thread idea, Tar-Elara!

How about:

Bilbo and Frodo's Marriage Manual
Arwen's Sewing Primer
Ioreth's "Sound of Silence"
Lobelia Sackville-Baggins: "How to Win Friends and Influence People"
Saruman's Construction Manual for Spiky Wheels

[narfforc]

The Dwarven Book of Dating.
The Hobbit Book of Dieting.
The Balrog Book of Flight.
Identity Crisis by Gothmog of Minas Morgul.
Die Young Stay Pretty by Queen Arwen.
Memoirs of an Invisible Man by Isildur.
Fly Fishing by Deagol.

[narfforc]

Tree Husbandry by The Ent-wives.

[Hookbill the Goomba]

- The Big Book of Entish abbreviations

- Dealing with depression by Turin Turambar

- Morgoth's book of Practical Jokes

[MaultheStoor]

- Dude, where's my Ring? By Sauroman
- Gollum's Guide to Eating Healthy
- 101 Things To Do With Taters. By Sam
- The Only Way To Eat a Brace Of Coneys. By Sam

[Nerwen]

*cough* Who is this "Sauroman"?

[Tar-Elara]

Yea! These book suggestions are v. amusing. I have thought of some more as well...
-The Art of Honesty by Sauron
-The Orc Poetry Collection

[MaultheStoor]

I know I misspealled Saruman. Kwit korecting mi speling.

[narfforc]

Swimming for Beginners by Drogo Baggins.
Gollums Big Book of Sushi by Smeagol.

[Lalwendë]

Eowyn's Book of Household Management

[narfforc]

How to be a Firefighter by Denethor.
How to bleach your clothes White by Gandalf the Once-Grey.

[narfforc]

Health and Safety Practises for Swordsmen by Turin.
Long Jump Techniques by Saeros of Doriath.
Naturism by Bjorn the Bare.........(sorry).
Guitar Playing by Maedhros.
How to spot a Fraudster by Celebrimbor.
How to make a Fool of People by Annatar.
Patience by Aule.
Hobbit Stew and Dumplings by Grishnakh.

[Hookbill the Goomba]

How to read books by Pereguin Took

Fashion tips for Pentioners by Saruman of Many Colours

Baths and how to avoid them by Aragorn

[narfforc]

I'm Nobody's Child by Tom Bombadil.
What War? by Radagast the Brown.
Cracking Good Food by Old Man Willow.

[Morthoron]

The Whitewater Rafting Guide by Boromir

You're Never Alone With a Schizophrenic by Smeagol

Orcs with Forks: A Modern Guide to Table Etiquette by Gorbag, Shagrat, et al.

English Pronunciation and Grammar by Hamfast Gamgee

Treatment of Conjuctivitis, Blepharitis and Red Eye Symptoms by Sauron

[Andsigil]

How to Win Friends and Influence People by Azog

Basic Spelunking by Smaug

How YOU can Overcome OCD by Fëanor

A Beginner's Guide to Field Hygiene by Gollum

Finding Harmony in Your Consanguineous Marriage by Ar-Pharazôn

[TheGreatElvenWarrior]

How about:

How to Get Over Stolen Property by Feanor

[Tuor in Gondolin]

A Hobbits' Guide to Safe Boating
By Bungo and Belladonna Baggins

Zen and the Art of Meara Maintenance
By Eorl

A Stone Troll's Guide to Fine Dining
By William Huggins, Esq.

[Mnemosyne]

A Hobbits' Guide to Safe Boating
By Bungo and Belladonna Baggins

I wouldn't buy it; I don't think they're experts on the subject.

Drogo and Primula, on the other hand... :smokin:

[narfforc]

The Dangerous Book for Girls by The Witch-king of Angmar.

[Tuor in Gondolin]

Originally Posted by Tuor in Gondolin
A Hobbits' Guide to Safe Boating
By Bungo and Belladonna Baggins

Originally Posted by Mnemosyne
I wouldn't buy it; I don't think they're experts on the subject.

Drogo and Primula, on the other hand...

Wouldn't that be more
The Dangerous Book For Hobbits By Ted Sandyman.

[Erendis]

"Abandonned wifes of Arda,unite!'' dy Erendis
''The complete guide for wood-camping'' BY Gildor Inglorion
''Perfect nails and other beauty tips " by Saruman the White
"Maskarah?Not for me!'' by the Great Eye
''The high art of diplomacy'' by the mouth of Sauron
"Bungee jumping for starters'' by Nienor/Niniel

[TheGreatElvenWarrior]

How To Avoid Getting Killed By Your Friends by Beleg Strongbow

How to Be A Good Friend by Beleg Strongbow

How To Keep Healthy, Happy Hair by Smeagol

[narfforc]

The Cure for Memory Loss by Barliman Butterbur.
How to Suck-up to The Boss by Ted Sandyman.
My Life in Wrestling Spandex by Tulkas the Strong.
How to pick the right Girdle by Melian.

[Lindale]

Luthien's Guide to Teenage Rebellion
The Bible (Manwe Version)

[Hookbill the Goomba]

Fighting the Napoleonic War by Boromir (if you get the reference, you deserve a prize)

Keeping Brightly coloured clothing clean in a hostile, woodland area. by Tom Bombadil

[Erendis]

Are you sure it is ''Neopolionic''?

"Aragorn's travel guide-complete series"


Book 1:RIVENDEL AND HOLlIN
>> 2:WOODEN REALM,LAKETOWN,DALE
>> 3:LORIEN
>> 4:RHUN
>> 5:ADUIN
>> 6,7:GONDOR,ROHAN
>> 8:HARAND(INCLUDING BOTH NEAR AND FAR)
>> 9:MORDOR
>>10,11;ERIANDOR
>> 12:UNIVERSE

[TheGreatElvenWarrior]

Keeping Brightly coloured clothing clean in a hostile, woodland area. by Tom Bombadil
YES!

How about,
How to Get Yourself Out Of The Barrow-Downs Without the Help of Tom Bombadil by Tom Bombadil and Frodo Baggins

[narfforc]

Bear With Me, It's a Long Story by Beorn.
Swimming Lessons in Armour by Isildur.

[Gordis]

Are Women Human? by the Witch-King of Angmar

Outwitting Fish by Gollum

How Goood is Good Enough by Faramir

How to Stay Fit and Healthy Indefinitely by Gandalf the Gray

How to Make people Like you in 90 Seconds or Less by Saruman the White

How to Steal a Dog by Luthien Tinuviel


(Titles taken directly from Amazon);)

[Tuor in Gondolin]

Everything I Need To Know About The One
Ring I Learned In Kindergarten , by Denethor

[Elmo]

Get rich quick with me in Moria by Balin

Bombur's Diet Tips

Sexy tips to spice up your love life by Grishnakh

[narfforc]

The Value of Antique Silverware by Otho and Lobelia Sackville Baggins.

[narfforc]

So near and yet so Far by Arathorn II.

[narfforc]

Teaching Your Child To Social Climb by Huor.
How to Avoid Troublesome Cousins by Tuor.

[narfforc]

What Did You Do That For? by Beleg Cuthalion.

[Bêthberry]

The Theory and Practice of Carding and Spinning by Shelob

Rainy Day Woman by Tom Bombadil

Ilúvatar's Perfect Storm by Eru

Second Time Lucky by Eowyn

Star Trek as Gene Roddenberry Never Imagined It by Eärendil

[Annunfuiniel]

Complete Horse Riding Manual by Gimli son of Gloin

Avoiding Temptations by Peregrin "the Fool of a" Took

[Tuor in Gondolin]

I Regret Nothing
Turin Turambar

[Eönwë]

Stormy Seas and Tumultuous waters by Osse.
I'm the boss by Eru
Gettin' yar ships riggin' right by Cirdan (No, I don't think he would speak like that)

And some real ones:
Treasure Island by Ar-Pharazon
20,000 leagues under the Sea by A. Silmaril
The Horse and his Boy by Shadowfax
The Silver Chair by Denethor
White Fang by Huan
In the Heart of the Sea by Ulmo

And why not some non-fiction:
The origin of species by Yavanna

[narfforc]

When Will I Be Famous by Anarion.
The Half-blood Prince by Elrond.
The Goblins on Fire by The Balrog.
Forgotten Realms by Ingwe.

[Hookbill the Goomba]

How I conquered my fear of heights!
By Manwe

How I conquered my fear of Lights!
By Varda

[Tuor in Gondolin]

Spelunking in the Misty Mountains

By S. Gollum
Illus. B. Baggins
Pub. Rivendell House

[TheGreatElvenWarrior]

How To Be A Bad Husband by Aldarion

How To Banish All Men From Your Life In A Few Simple Stepsby Erendis

[Tuor in Gondolin]

Men Are From Mars
Women Are from Venus

By Erendis

[Erendis]

''How to loose a guy in 163 years'' by Erendis

[TheGreatElvenWarrior]

Men Are From Mars
Women Are from Venus

By Erendis

''How to loose a guy in 163 years'' by Erendis
Indeed! :D

[Erendis]

''Sleeping disorders and how to treat them '' by Este

[Hakon]

How to be Beautiful

By An Elf.

How to lose an All Powerful Ring

By Sauron.

Arson for Dummies

By Gothmog.

[Erendis]

"The complete guide to store a good relationship with your pets" by the ex-queenBeruthiel

[narfforc]

Hair Removing Techniques by Dis

[Erendis]

"Loyalty to masters"by a Dead

[LadyBrooke]

Plays on real books

Sword of the Rightful King: A novel of King Elessar by Barahir grandson of the Steward Faramir

Maiar and Balrogs by King Thranduil (can't you just see him as a conspiracy theorist? Galadriel and Elrond are out to get me, I tell you.)

The Singer's Wife by ????????, wife of Maglor

A History of the World in 6 Glasses by Galion

The Stupidest Things Ever Done by Kings: As Told By Somebody Who Served One of the Stupidest by Lord Celeborn

[Erendis]

Plays on real books

Maiar and Balrogs by King Thranduil (can't you just see him as a conspiracy theorist? Galadriel and Elrond are out to get me, I tell you.):D



The Stupidest Things Ever Done by Kings: As Told By Somebody Who Served One of the Stupidest by Lord Celeborn

Just hillarious!