Let's not cast the Silmarillion

[Nerwen]

So. We've all seen the "Let's Cast The Silmarillion" thread over in the Movies section?

As an antidote to this blind faith in Hollywood, here's your chance to nominate the NIGHTMARE Silmarillion cast!

Rules:

The nominee need not be untalented per se, just someone who would, in that particular role, turn the film into a hideous travesty that would be mocked on geeky websites for decades to come. (Straight-out terrible actors are also very welcome.)

The nominee must be somebody who could, at least conceivably, be given the part. (i.e. no Will Smith as Idril.)

You may, briefly, explain just why you feel the artist in question would be so (un)suitable for the role.

Director: Either Quentin Tarantino or Spike Lee. (Nominated by Morthoron.)

[Lush]

Director: Uwe Boll. To cover all the lands in a second darkness.

[Nerwen]

Director: Uwe Boll. To cover all the lands in a second darkness.

Definitely worth considering.

Now the actors.

I think the number one question here is– what role should we give Keanu Reeves? He'd bring a special something to almost any part– but which would make the best use of his unique "talent"?

[Nerwen]

Beleg Cúthalion: Orlando Bloom, reprising his role as Legolas. It'll keep the fangurls happy. Well, until he kicks the bucket, anyway.:D

[Hookbill the Goomba]

Turin - Tom Baker (He's far too jolly for such a role) Although I would like to see him proposing to Niënor by saying, "Would you like a Jelly Baby?"

Mim - Christopher Eccleston (a Northern Dwarf would be funny, though)

Morgoth - Sylvester McCoy (I just can't imagine Morgoth with a Scottish accent. Again, he's far too jolly for the role)

Feanor - Patric Troughton (Erm... Let's pretend he's not dead. He was always hyper active, happy and dressed like a tramp. However, he could play an angry character and had spells of Feanor-type arrogance "You'll regret it if you kill me! I'm a genius!")

Glaurung (voice) - John Pertwee (As much as I would LOVE to head a Dragon speak so politely and like an English Gentleman, I suspect it would distract from the character's desired effect)

Beren - Anthony Ainley (Although, at his peak, he was a talented and diverse actor (the Master's many disguises being a good example), this is one role I don't think he'd suit. Although, the scene with Carcharoth may be amusing, "I have a Silmarill! I am Beren and YOU WILL OBEY ME!")

Elwing - Elisabeth Sladen (I some how can't see her turning into a bird so readily :p )

That's all I can think of right now...

[Rune Son of Bjarne]

Thingol - Robert De Niro (Like in stardust he would be totaly misplaced, without it being his own fault. The acting would probably be good, but somehow unintentionally funny)

Gothmog - Sean Connery (Imagine Sean Connery cloacked in smoke and fire, wielding a whip. . . .simply too Indiana Jonesish)

[Nerwen]

I think I've answered my own question.

Beren: Keanu Reeves.

Sample dialogue:

Keanu Reeves (typical wooden delivery): Here is a fire that shall consume you, and all evil things.

CGI Carcharoth: Chomp.

Keanu (gazing at stump of right hand): Whoa.

Not to mention the depth of feeling he'd bring to the scenes with Lúthien...

[Mithalwen]

Only problem is that I hate Beren and Luthien so much that I really think Keanu would be perfect .... with some irritating and stupid brunette as the canary.... :smokin:

[Rune Son of Bjarne]

Maybe Keanu should play Maedhros instead?

[Morthoron]

How about an all-Italian dwarvish contingent: Al Pacino, Joe Pesci and Danny Devito? The Brooklyn accents would heighten the drama.

[Nerwen]

Maybe Keanu should play Maedhros instead?

No, no, he has to be able to display his "talent" for "romance". (See the Matrix trilogy for some fine examples.)

Besides, while unlike Mith I like Beren and Lúthien, I do think Keanu is right for the part in some kind of terribly wrong way, if you see what I mean... (Okay, you probably don't.)

How about an all-Italian dwarvish contingent: Al Pacino, Joe Pesci and Danny Devito? The Brooklyn accents would heighten the drama.

As well as providing the obligatory Dwarvish comic relief!

WANTED: Irritating and stupid brunette actress to play Lúthien. Singing talent optional.

Suggestions?

[Eomer of the Rohirrim]

Tyra Banks. :D

[Oddwen]

Kiera Knightley!

I wish to nominate Hayden Christiansen for the part of Feanor - and as his seven sons, all of them should be played by James Franco. Because a regular movie-goer wouldn't be able to tell them apart anyway. And also, 'twould be painfully amusing to watch such a wooden family. "Inner Fire" indeed.

[Nerwen]

I wish to nominate Hayden Christiansen for the part of Feanor.

Oddwen– are you a mind-reader? I was just about to suggest that!:eek:

[Mithalwen]

Oh yes Keanu and Keira would be perfectly cast as the gruesome twosome.

Not that I particularly dislike them, in fact compared to how I feel about B&L , I would be a fan, I just think that they are overrated - but good luck to anyone who can make a little talent go such a long way.

How about Paris Hilton as Nienor?

[Mithalwen]

How about an all-Italian dwarvish contingent: Al Pacino, Joe Pesci and Danny Devito? The Brooklyn accents would heighten the drama.

I'd say add Anthony La Paglia, even though I really like him, I cna't quite see him in the Sil...

And another overrated actress, Kate Witless as Finduilas because little would give me more pleasure than to see her skewered to a tree. There is a reason why the best parts for English women tend to go to Blanchett, Paltrow or Zellweger ;)

[Ibrîniðilpathânezel]

Two people I've always felt fall squarely in the "wooden acting" category are Uma Thurman and Nicholas Cage. I'd be hard pressed to find a sufficiently wooden role for either of them, though (particularly given that Cage's face always makes me think of a sad beagle...)

[Lalaith]

Beren: Keanu Reeves.

Actually, there is definitely a place in Tolkien for a wooden but pretty matinee idol type. So I am rather liking this concept of Keanu as Beren.
And Orlando would make a lovely Tuor. Ah.

Here is my Nightmare on Middle Earth Sil cast list:
Nicholas Cage as Feanor.
Michael Douglas as Manwe.
Jim Carrey as Hurin.

[Nerwen]

I'd completely forgotten Nicholas Cage! How could I?

[Morthoron]

Woody Allen as Morgoth. Somehow, the thought of the evil supreme being as a hypochondriacal, neurotic Jewish nebbish cracks me up.

[Beregond]

Oooh, great idea for a fun thread. :D

Let us see...


Turin: Keanu Reaves

Finduilas: Jessica Alba

Melian: Cameron Diaz

Barahir: Harrison Ford

Beren: Justin Timberlake (beat that! :p)

Luthien: Angelina Jolie

Feanor: Hugh Jackman or Gerard Butler

Maglor: Ewan MacGregor

And of course,

Mim: Jack Black

[Diamond18]

All this talk about wooden acting forces me to comment:

We are talking about The Silmarillion, yes?

...do I really have to say it? Okay I will. The Silmarillion is all about the woodenness. All these "stoic" actors would be absolutely perfect for such a book.

:p

I was all ready to jump around screaming "Keira Knightley!" but then Oddwen stole my thunder.

I must now go pout.

Okay, I'm back.

I think Richard Dreyfuss should play Eru and we could rename the story "Mr. Iluvatar's Opus."

Also, Johnny Depp should play Beren, as this would provide him a wonderful opportunity to play yet another character with "hand" in his surname.

Hayden Christiensen really needs to play Turin Turambar. Not Feanor. Come on, think about it! It would be "perfect." :p

[Ibrîniðilpathânezel]

I suppose one could always wander from the realm of wooden to the absurd, and cast Jim Carrey as Namo. That would be one VERY strange pronouncement of the Doom of the Noldor...:rolleyes:

[TheGreatElvenWarrior]

We totally need to cast Jim Carrey in the Sil, he would totally ruin it!:D

[Oddwen]

As I was going to work today I nearly shouted "Tom Hanks as Tulkas!" D:



Oddwen– are you a mind-reader? I was just about to suggest that!

Curses, my secret is out. *twiddles moustache*

Here is my Nightmare on Middle Earth Sil cast list:
Nicholas Cage as Feanor.

That would be even scarier than Haaaaay-den. Because with Nicolas Cage, he would read all kinds of things into the character of Feanor, and you can tell from his performance that he thinks that he improved on the existing character. Mwa ha ha.

Hayden Christiensen really needs to play Turin Turambar. Not Feanor. Come on, think about it! It would be "perfect."

Hmm, Hayden & Paris...what a horrible thought. http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v58/Oddwen/FIREdevil.gif

And with Orli as Beleg, and Jack Black as Mim? Let's cast...The Rock as Thingol, and I must agree with Cameron Diaz as Melian...that would indeed be a mess. :D

We can cast Dakota Fanning as the character of Lalaith. (not the Downer ;) ), Shia LaBouf as Hurin, and Morwen...hmm, no ideas are forthcoming for her...

[Diamond18]

Yes, Shia and Dakota must be in this movie. They must be in ALL MOVIES!

Can we find a role for Abigail Breslin as well?

[Nilpaurion Felagund]

Eru Ilúvatar: Oddwen the Mad :p

[Mithalwen]

Morwen would have to be played by someone irredeemably upbeat and perky.

I suggest Reece Witherspoon.

[Elu Ancalime]

Paris Hilton as Melian
________
New jersey dispensaries (http://newjersey.dispensaries.org/)

[Nerwen]

Not bad, but there's already been a proposal to cast her as Nienor to Haydon Christianson's Túrin.

It's so hard to decide... we don't want to waste so much talent and class...

I'd just like to say also, I give my complete approval to the revised casting of Nicholas Cage as Fëanor. Perfect!

Any ideas on voice actors for all the talking beasties?

(Visually, these will be represented by CGI effects, which will cost more than the rest of the movie combined without ever quite managing to look convincing.)

[Mithalwen]

Sean Connery as Glaurung would be spectacularly dreadful.

[Oddwen]

Can we find a role for Abigail Breslin as well?

She's getting older...she could play Elwing safely. And that means that Spencer Breslin could play her two lost brothers. We can complete that ensemble with John Goodman as Earendil.

Hayley Joel Osment should play Aule.

And words fail me when I try to express my desire to see Christopher Walken as Ungoliant.

[Hookbill the Goomba]

Orcs - Dalek voices (http://youtube.com/watch?v=h9lb7NfaGYg&feature=related). :D

[Nerwen]

I've been meaning to ask you, Hookbill– – you're not just the tiniest, least bit obsessed with Dr Who, are you?:Merisu:

Sean Connery as Glaurung would be spectacularly dreadful.

words fail me when I try to express my desire to see Christopher Walken as Ungoliant.

I forgot to mention– some bright spark of a concept artist will be sure to have the brilliant and (un)original idea of making the models look like creature-versions of the actors... (be a bit tricky with Ungoliant, though...)

[Rikae]

What, no role for Jim Carrey? I think he would be fantastic as Maedhros. Just think of the opportunities for wacky cgi-enhanced slapstick comic relief! Losing a hand, jumping into a chasm; it would be brilliant.

[Oddwen]

What, no role for Jim Carrey? I think he would be fantastic as Maedhros. Just think of the opportunities for wacky cgi-enhanced slapstick comic relief! Losing a hand, jumping into a chasm; it would be brilliant.

This would open doors for casting other comedians for the other six sons...people like Steve Carell, Mike Myers and Ben Stiller. If we are also overlooking the boundaries of time, men like Chris Farley as well.

[Hookbill the Goomba]

I've been meaning to ask you, Hookbill– – you're not just the tiniest, least bit obsessed with Dr Who, are you?:Merisu:

Everyone knows that Tolkein rode around Middle Earth in a blue police box. :cool:

Back on track...

Thingol - Bill Bailey... I'd like to head his rendition of 'Elvish slaves in an insect nation!' :D

Arpharazon - Eddy Murphy... It would be... Just... Weird...

Melkor - Vivian Stanshall... There would be interesting renditions of the 'discord of Melkor' I fancy...

[Morthoron]

If you are going to have Jim Carrey in the film(s), then places must be found for Robin Williams, Billy Crystal and Whoopi Goldberg. They can all improv with each other in their wacky, Hollywoodish way. It would be sweet. *Sticks finger down his throat*

I have changed my mind about having either Quentin Tarantino or Spike Lee direct the Sil. There is only one man who can imbue the films with the type of screen magic by which all classics are judged: George Lucas...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lv4Potdpjhw

[Lindale]

Robin Williams as Finwe? (I still haven't got over Dead Poets' Society, it's been years!)

Or Morgoth! Imagine such a jolly fellow being the Lord of Darkness!!! :eek:

[TheGreatElvenWarrior]

Orcs - Dalek voices (http://youtube.com/watch?v=h9lb7NfaGYg&feature=related). :D Of couse, Hookbill you could always cast Cybermen as Orcs.

But Whoopi Goldberg as Nienor and Billy Crystal as Turin, anybody?

[Nerwen]

I have changed my mind about having either Quentin Tarantino or Spike Lee direct the Sil. There is only one man who can imbue the films with the type of screen magic by which all classics are judged: George Lucas...

Heh, heh.:D

EDIT: Suddenly I really, really want to mod a WW game based on the disastrous, murder-ridden filming of "Jewel Wars: Episode 1".

[Lalaith]

What, no role for Jim Carrey

Ahem. I think you'll find I cast him as Hurin some time ago.
Aure enteluva!

[Nerwen]

Ahem. I think you'll find I cast him as Hurin some time ago.
Aure enteluva!

Casting doesn't get much more inspired than that.:D

[skip spence]

I'd like to suggest Rob Schneider as Mim the Petty Dwarf.

Dolph Lundgren can play Turin.

Melian would be the perfect role for Julia Roberts to ruin, being perhaps the most overrated actress in history.

Oh and the idea of Sean Connery as Glaurung send shudders down my spine.

[Lalaith]

Andie MacDowell as Luthien.

Mary-Sue - bring it on!

[Morthoron]

Andie MacDowell as Luthien.

Then you can have Hugh Grant as Beren, and they can reprise their roles in Four Weddings and a Funeral.

Nick Frost and Simon Pegg as Elrond and Elros.

[Lindale]

Maybe Nathan Lane and Lee Evans for I don't know, Maglor and Maedhros or Elrond and Elros. No, wait, Maglor and Maedhros, it'll be perfect during the scene where they'll decide on attacking Eonwe's camp!

[Lalaith]

Then you can have Hugh Grant as Beren, and they can reprise their roles in Four Weddings and a Funeral.


Excellent scheme, Morthoron. And Rowan Atkinson as Curufin....

[Nerwen]

Excellent scheme, Morthoron. And Rowan Atkinson as Curufin....

Oh, nice choice, Lalaith! I was just wondering who would make a good Curufin.

[Lush]

The immortal genius of Charlie Sheen cannot be overlooked. Excellent suggestions have been made for Beren (Keanu "Whoa" Reeves is truly priceless), but Charlie must make at least a cameo somewhere (Barahir? Hmmm). I actually have a soft spot for Sheen, but he would be spectacularly awful in such a film.

There is also Madonna to consider. I can't imagine any movie being complete without her... skillz. I think she's Queen of Pop and all, but the acting, dear God, the acting.

She'd do well as a matriarchal Melian type. *dum dum dum*

[Nerwen]

So much talent, so few roles...

What parts haven't we cast yet? I'd hate to think of any of these gifted actors missing out.

[Bêthberry]

And Rowan Atkinson as Curufin....

Oh dear, but which Rowan Atkinson? The Blackadder? Mr. Bean? Perhaps we could double cast him where Tolkien has mirror characters, such as Turin/Tuor or Hurin/Huor or Elwing and Elros.


There is only one man who can imbue the films with the type of screen magic by which all classics are judged: George Lucas...


Oh the poor dear man! What ever would he do without the opportunity to stage a drag/speed racing scene? Maybe have eagles buzz one of towers?

[TheGreatElvenWarrior]

How about Rowan Atkinson as Ulmo? Just think, Mr. Bean one of the Valar!:D

[Rune Son of Bjarne]

Oh dear, but which Rowan Atkinson? The Blackadder? Mr. Bean? Perhaps we could double cast him where Tolkien has mirror characters, such as Turin/Tuor or Hurin/Huor or Elwing and Elros.


I think he should play the charachter as he did the late Blackadder (WWI), it would be truly awful. If he did it as Mr. Bean it would just get too absurd and kind of funny.

It is all about making the silmarillion with bad casting, not turning the silmarillion into a comedy.

[Mithalwen]

So much talent, so few roles...

What parts haven't we cast yet? I'd hate to think of any of these gifted actors missing out.

Well I hate to mention it since she is one of my favourites but has anyone sugested Idril and Tuor?

How about James Fleet as Maeglin?

And though I liked her in Notting Hill, Gina McKee was sooooooooooo leaden and passionless as Irene in The Forsyte Saga that she would be a possibility for Aredhel in this ..inspired production...

How about Madonna as Miriel?

[Son of Númenor]

Narration would have to be done by Morgan Freeman, as Eru reflecting on the whole divine drama. "At the time the possibilities seemed endless..."

Lush was definitely onto something when she suggested casting Charlie Sheen. I say you have to have Emilio Estevez as Manwe, Sheen as a somewhat resentful Aule, and the cast of the Breakfast Club filling in other Valar/Valier roles.

Four must-casts for me: Willem Dafoe as a young Sauron; Christopher Walken as Glaurung...for sure; Jon Voigt as the leader of the wandering men whom Turin befriends in the woods; Kevin Sorbo as Turin.

[Hookbill the Goomba]

Brian Blessed should be Dearon! :p

[Bêthberry]

I think he should play the charachter as he did the late Blackadder (WWI), it would be truly awful. If he did it as Mr. Bean it would just get too absurd and kind of funny.

It is all about making the silmarillion with bad casting, not turning the silmarillion into a comedy.

You appear to have more faith in Atkinson's ability to steal scenes from the rest of this miscast crew than I do. :eek:

(Of course, come to think of it, he does have talent.) :D

Has anyone cast William Shatner yet?

[Morwen]

Has anyone cast William Shatner yet?

Oh he should definitely be Morgoth :)

[THE Ka]

Oh he should definitely be Morgoth :)

Then he can have a spoken-word album covering all the 'greatest hits' of the valar. That sounds evil enough to me. :)


~ Ka

[Morthoron]

Chuck Norris as Old Hurin. Even after spending decades imprisoned by Morgoth, you don't **** with Chuck.

Then we add Steven Segal, Jean-Claude Van Damme, Sly Stallone, Milla Jovovich, Dolph Lundgren (already mentioned), The Rock (already mentioned), Kevin Sorbo (already mentioned), Arnold Schwarzenegger, Stone Cold Steve Austin, Marc Singer (Dar of Beastmaster) and Lou Ferrigno (what part each plays is inconsequential, isn't it?), and have the B-Grade action movie of the century: 'The Silmarillion: Armageddon in Middle-earth'.

Perhaps even add Jet Li and Jackie Chan as Easterlings.

P.S. And a cameo by Val Kilmer as Fingolfin, who will smile in defiance of Morgoth and say, "I'll be your huckleberry."

P.P.S. In the extended version feature section (Disc Four), Arnold Schwarzenegger and Sly Stallone practicing their English accents together.

[Ibrîniðilpathânezel]

Perhaps Shatner and Sorbo might manage to pull off the Two Trees... :rolleyes:

[Lush]

We could potentially just cast William Shatner as everyone, methinks.

There's also David Hasselhoff to consider, though. For an intellectual role. Finrod Felagund comes to mind.

[Morthoron]

We could potentially just cast William Shatner as everyone, methinks.

There's also David Hasselhoff to consider, though. For an intellectual role. Finrod Felagund comes to mind.

Well, if we are seeking actors on a more intellectual level, Rob Schneider and Will Ferrell come to mind. Perhaps Adam Sandler as Beren and Drew Barrymore as Luthien.

[Bêthberry]

There's also David Hasselhoff to consider, though. For an intellectual role. Finrod Felagund comes to mind.

Hasselhoff surely will bring the fullest elements to the crucial aspect of elven hair. Maybe the colour isn't exactly right, but his casting could ensure that his elven character would never have a bad hair day.


Perhaps Adam Sandler as Beren and Drew Barrymore as Luthien.

I had been toying with the idea of suggesting Ben Stiller as Beren, but kept being haunted by the aspect of Thingol and Melian as Mr and Mrs Focker and I was trying very hard to keep Rune's advisory in mind not to turn this into a comedy. So I desisted.

[Mithalwen]

I had been toying with the idea of suggesting Ben Stiller as Beren, but kept being haunted by the aspect of Thingol and Melian as Mr and Mrs Focker and I was trying very hard to keep Rune's advisory in mind not to turn this into a comedy. So I desisted.


So it has to be seriously bad?

[Bêthberry]

So it has to be seriously bad?

"hideous travesty" is what the rules on Nerwen's first post say. Like Beauty, I think the meaning of that lies in the eye of the beholder--and poster.

:)

[A Little Green]

For sure, Keira Knightley must be Lúthien - there never was an actress whose looks and skills were more overrated. :p So why not cast Orlando Bloom as Beren and have them repeat their - ah, so credible - romance from Pirates of the Carribbean?

Schwartzenegger is a must - but for what role? It's long since I last read the Sil.. Is there some silent, rather grim hero who could do with a few short lines?

Oh, and Pierce Brosnan as Túrin. "My name is Turambar, Túrin Turambar." :D

[Thinlómien]

Schwartzenegger is a must - but for what role? It's long since I last read the Sil.. Is there some silent, rather grim hero who could do with a few short lines?I feel like a traitor to say this - as the character is one of my favourites -, but Arnold would make an excellently horrible Hunthor, wouldn't he? :eek::D

Continuing on the same lines, I can see Hugh Grant as Brandir... eurgh... He's too old to play anything too heroic and in my opinion he has always been too soft for those, but can't you all see him blinking his puppy eyes as gentle Brandir who loves the wrong woman... *is disgusted* :D

[Nilpaurion Felagund]

Aulë - Bob the Builder

[Macalaure]

What about Seann William Scott as Tuor and Diane Kruger as Idril? That should be close enough to a worst case scenario.

Oh, and Nerwen... she who steals the threads of the Noldor and mocks them without leave does not... umm... well, I’ll think about something. :p

[Nerwen]

What are you talking about, cousin Mac? By definition this is a thread of the Noldor!:p

[Macalaure]

I think I'll let you get away with it - this time. ;)

[Eönwë]

the idea of Sean Connery as Glaurung send shudders down my spine.
It shendsh shuddersh down your shpine, doesh it?

[Oddwen]

Originally Posted by skip spence http://forum.barrowdowns.com/images/buttons/viewpost.gif (http://forum.barrowdowns.com/showthread.php?p=561151#post561151)
the idea of Sean Connery as Glaurung send shudders down my spine.
It shendsh shuddersh down your shpine, doesh it?

Yesh (http://audio.xanga.com/One_733t_p0z3r/ec87c2475526/audio.html).

[Eönwë]

Yesh (http://audio.xanga.com/One_733t_p0z3r/ec87c2475526/audio.html).

*Dies of laughter*

[doug*platypus]

Ben Stiller as Manwë. That way, instead of the War of Wrath, he could just give Morgoth a blast of "blue steel".

Lucy Lawless (Xena) as Melian.

[Thinlómien]

Lucy Lawless (Xena) as Melian.Wouldn't Haleth be even worse? :eek:

[Thenamir]

Gotta be a part for Joaquin Phoenix in there somewhere...

Also, in my opinion worse than Connery, Gilbert Gottfried has got to be the very worst possible voice for a mega-dragon. (For those that don't know, the voice is that of the parrot Iago in the Disney-animated Aladdin movies, among many other voice credits.)

[Oddwen]

Here is my Nightmare on Middle Earth Sil cast list:
Nicholas Cage as Feanor.

And best of all, they could save a ton of money by just re-using this (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qNW7F6xvDAU) for Feanor's final moments. :D

[Galadriel55]

WANTED: Irritating and stupid brunette actress to play Lúthien. Singing talent optional.

Liv Tyler. Who can be more stupid and more irritating?

[Pitchwife]

Julia Roberts in any female role would do the trick for me. Preferably a strong & tough one - Haleth?
And Ralph Fiennes as one of the bland good guys - Ingwë or Finarfin. (Just think of his hyper-affected portrayal of Voldemort, especially the resurrection scene in Goblet of Fire.)

EDIT: Have we decided what to do with Tom Cruise? I'd suggest some absolutely minor role - let's say, Amlach or Imlach, or Beren & Finrod's companion #9.

[TheGreatElvenWarrior]

Liv Tyler. Who can be more stupid and more irritating?
But Liv Tyler can actually sing. So she must be out of the question.

[LadyBrooke]

David Bowie as Maglor - He can sing and he's not a bad actor, as seen in the Labyrinth (yes, I'm one of those girls :Merisu:) but it'd be ridiculously comedic...dance magic dance and all that.

Also, Dick Van Dyke as Daeron...once again, not a bad actor or singer, but the only thing I would be able to think of was Burt from Mary Poppins. Oh it's a jolly holiday with Luthien....;)

[Archaic Elf]

Sorry for reviving, but this thread is hilarious. Found it while searching for something completely unrelated.

Only problem is that I hate Beren and Luthien so much that I really think Keanu would be perfect .... with some irritating and stupid brunette as the canary.... :smokin:

How can this be??? Has your opinion changed on Beren and Luthien?

How about an all-Italian dwarvish contingent: Al Pacino, Joe Pesci and Danny Devito? The Brooklyn accents would heighten the drama.

Thingol: Give me back the Silmaril and the Nauglamir.

Dwarf (played by De Niro): Are you talking to me?




I wish to nominate Hayden Christiansen for the part of Feanor - and as his seven sons, all of them should be played by James Franco.

LOL. That sums it up.



Hayden Christiensen really needs to play Turin Turambar. Not Feanor. Come on, think about it! It would be "perfect." :p

Agreed. That's what I thought as soon as I saw his name pop up.


Morwen would have to be played by someone irredeemably upbeat and perky.

I suggest Reece Witherspoon.

That would be hilarious.

Hasselhoff surely will bring the fullest elements to the crucial aspect of elven hair. Maybe the colour isn't exactly right, but his casting could ensure that his elven character would never have a bad hair day.


Hasselhoff should play the elf that always taunted Turin and told him to comb his hair. Sadly, that elf dies...


Completely Hollywood Version of Silmarillion

Director - Wes Anderson (I haven't seen any of his films, but they seem quirky enough.)

Actually, "Hollywood" would probably film this like they film every horrible reality show. Up close sit down interviews with the characters filmed in a studio spliced into the storyline every ten seconds for whatever dumb reason the characters need to explain the storyline and what's going on.

Feanor - James Franco

His Two Sons (Hollywood has a budget).
Maedros - Robert Twilight Pattinson
Maglor - Justin Timberlake

Beren - Tom Cruise
Luthien - Katie Holmes

Thingol - Brad Pitt
Melian - Angelina Jolie

Turin - Hayden Darth Vader Christiansen
Nienor - Natalie Portman
Beleg Strongbow - Johnny Depp (that would be cool, but he would be killed off early)
Hurin - Joe Pesci

Tuor - Will Smith
Turgon - Sean Connory
Maeglin - Robert Downey Jr.
Glorfindel - Orlando Bloom

Earendil - Mickey Rourke
Elwing - Miley Cyrus

Isildur - Jack Black

Galadriel - Meghan Fox
Celeborn - Leonardo DiCaprio
Cirdan - Chuck Norris
Elrond - Morgan Freeman
Elros - Bill Murray

Gandalf - Justin Bieber (he's a young, hip Gandalf that the kids can relate to)
Saruman - Crispin Glover

Manwe - Will Ferrell
Varda - Lindsey Lohan
Aule - Michael Clarke Duncan
Ulmo - Michael Phelps
Mandos - Jet Li
Yavanna - Jennifer Aniston

Morgoth - Agent Smith, Hugo Weaving
Sauron - Russel Brand
Glaurong - James Earl Jones
Gothmog - Jim Carrey

Smeagol - Charlie Sheen

[Galadriel55]

Smeagol - Charlie Sheen

Smealmarillion?

[Mithalwen]

Sorry for reviving, but this thread is hilarious. Found it while searching for something completely unrelated.



How can this be??? Has your opinion changed on Beren and Luthien?





I don't understand.... no I have always loathed them and don't see any reason to stop...