Five Word Story

[Tuor in Gondolin]

As an experiment, I thought it might be interesting to try a longer themed story creation thread, using five word instead of three word additions, while keeping a Middle-earth humor themed aspect to it. The primary conceptual factors were 1) to have a story that might develop along a steady storyline and 2) avoid (a personal proclivity here) a tendency towards overuse of "bathroom humor" and story tangents. In pursuit of objective "2" I'd like to employ an occasional moderating editorial voice by myself to edit addditions to the story (if okay with moderators). Just put quotes around five word suggested additions to the Middle-earth oriented story.

So, to begin:

"It was a dark and..."

[narfforc]

.dismal pit for the orcs...,

[Tuor in Gondolin]

...into which they dragged Smeagol...

[Nogrod]

...and left. After a few...

[FeRaL sHaDoW]

...Harsh words to their prisoner ...

[Nogrod]

...they started fighting each other.

[Tuor in Gondolin]

(cross posted. Delated).

[Hakon]

which happened to include several

[Tuor in Gondolin]

"It was a dark and dismal pit for the orcs into which they dragged Smeagol
and left. After a few harsh words to their prisoner they started fighting each other,
which happened to include several
...nazgul who wanted Smeagol to...

[Hakon]

go to Valinor to retrieve

[narfforc]

.....some strange coloured weed which...

[skip spence]

the residents had began to

[narfforc]

..wrap in liquorice paper and........

[skip spence]

...relish with great pleasure by...

[Tuor in Gondolin]

"It was a dark and dismal pit for the orcs into which they dragged Smeagol
and left. After a few harsh words to their prisoner they started fighting each other,
which happened to include several nazgul who wanted Smeagol to go to Valinor
to retrieve some strange coloured weed which the residents had begun to
wrap in liquorice paper and relish with great pleasure by
...smoking pipes provided by Olorin.
...

[Eönwë]

The fact that it was...

[Tuor in Gondolin]

...distracting the Vala as Gollum...

[Pitchwife]

...peeped over the rim of...

[narfforc]

....Yavanna's large iron cooking pot.......

[Eönwë]

...which contained many brightly coloured...

[Tuor in Gondolin]

...strange weeds which Gollum stole...

[Eönwë]

...and used for many sinister...

[narfforc]

...reasons, but mainly for halitosis..

[Tuor in Gondolin]

"It was a dark and dismal pit for the orcs into which they dragged Smeagol
and left. After a few harsh words to their prisoner they started fighting each other,
which happened to include several nazgul who wanted Smeagol to go to Valinor
to retrieve some strange coloured weed which the residents had begun to
wrap in liquorice paper and relish with great pleasure by smoking pipes provided by Olorin.

The fact is that it distracted the Vala as Gollum peeped over the rim of
Yavanna's large iron cooking pot which contained many brightly coloured strange weeds,
which Gollum stole and used for many sinister reasons, but mainly for halitosis
...(to escape from the nazgul). ...

[Eönwë]

...which had been following him...

[narfforc]

......by scent of bad breath....

[Tuor in Gondolin]

"It was a dark and dismal pit for the orcs into which they dragged Smeagol
and left. After a few harsh words to their prisoner they started fighting each other,
which happened to include several nazgul who wanted Smeagol to go to Valinor
to retrieve some strange coloured weed which the residents had begun to
wrap in liquorice paper and relish with great pleasure by smoking pipes provided by Olorin.

The fact is that it distracted the Vala as Gollum peeped over the rim of
Yavanna's large iron cooking pot which contained many brightly coloured strange weeds,
which Gollum stole and used for many sinister reasons, but mainly for halitosis
(to escape from the nazgul) which had been following him by scent

...until stepped on by Treebeard...

[Nessa Telrunya]

"Who decided that he didn't"

[Tuor in Gondolin]

"think nazgul should torture Smeagol"

[narfforc]

....with feathers tickling his feet...........

[Eönwë]

...and many other unbearable tortures...

[narfforc]

...........such as frying his fish...

[Tuor in Gondolin]

"and listening to Ioreth chat"

[Nogrod]

. "There should be another way"

(meant as words of Treebeard so the brackets are there for a purpose as well as the full stop in the beginning.)

I'll copy the stuff here once more...

It was a dark and dismal pit for the orcs into which they dragged Smeagol
and left. After a few harsh words to their prisoner they started fighting each other,
which happened to include several nazgul who wanted Smeagol to go to Valinor
to retrieve some strange coloured weed which the residents had begun to
wrap in liquorice paper and relish with great pleasure by smoking pipes provided by Olorin.

The fact is that it distracted the Vala as Gollum peeped over the rim of
Yavanna's large iron cooking pot which contained many brightly coloured strange weeds,
which Gollum stole and used for many sinister reasons, but mainly for halitosis
(to escape from the nazgul) which had been following him by scent until stepped on by Treebeard who decided that he didn't think nazgul should torture Smeagol with feathers tickling his feet and many other unbearable tortures such as frying his fish and listening to Ioreth chat.

"There should be another way" (the latter bracket of course pending if someone wants to continue Treebeard talking...)

[Pitchwife]

...to torture Smeagol, such as...

[Tuor in Gondolin]

"diction tutor to stone trolls,...

[narfforc]

.......dressing him up in skirts....

[Nessa Telrunya]

"and reading him a story"

[Tuor in Gondolin]

"about a man named Jed."

[mormegil]

"Jed, of course, was a"

[Hakon]

a man from Gondor who

[mormegil]

"desired to be a troll"

[Hakon]

because he wanted to kill

[Tuor in Gondolin]

"tricksey wizardses who turn trolls"

[Pitchwife]

...into oversized garden gnomes for...

[mormegil]

"the elvish gardens in Lorien"

[Eönwë]

..., which were already full of...

[narfforc]

............droppings left by oversized eagles........

[Tuor in Gondolin]

(Edited story so far)

It was a dark and dismal pit for the orcs into which they dragged Smeagol
and left. After a few harsh words to their prisoner they started fighting each other,
which happened to include several nazgul who wanted Smeagol to go to Valinor
to retrieve some strange coloured weed which the residents had begun to
wrap in liquorice paper and relish with great pleasure by smoking pipes provided by Olorin.

The fact is that it distracted the Vala as Gollum peeped over the rim of
Yavanna's large iron cooking pot which contained many brightly coloured strange weeds, which Gollum stole and used for many sinister reasons, but mainly for halitosis (to escape from the nazgul) which had been following him by scent until stepped on by Treebeard who decided that he didn't think nazgul should torture Smeagol with feathers tickling his feet and many other unbearable tortures such as frying his fish and listening to Ioreth chat.

There should be another way to torture Smeagol such as diction tutor to stone trolls, dressing him up in skirts, and reading him a story about a man named Jed. Jed was, of course, a poor mountaineer man from Gondor who barely kept his family fed.

Jed desired to be a troll because he wanted to kill tricksey wizardses who turn trolls into oversized garden gnomes for the elvish gardens in Lorien, which were already full of droppings left by oversized eagles.
...The guano made Jed rich...

[mormegil]

"but riches had their price"

[narfforc]

.........£5 a bag for manure.........

[Tuor in Gondolin]

Jed desired to be a troll because he wanted to kill tricksey wizardses who turn trolls into oversized garden gnomes for the elvish gardens in Lorien, which were already full of droppings left by oversized eagles.

The guano made Jed rich. But riches had their price, £5 a bag for guano.
...Millionaire Jed moved to Lorien...

[narfforc]

..........with his bags of money!......







(sorry)

[Tuor in Gondolin]

Jed desired to be a troll because he wanted to kill tricksey wizardses who turn trolls into oversized garden gnomes for the elvish gardens in Lorien, which were already full of droppings left by oversized eagles.

The guano made Jed rich. But riches had their price, £5 a bag for guano.
Millionaire Jed moved to Lorien with his bags
...while eschewing any scatalogical humor...


Also, please note the comment I made at the beginning of this thread
The primary conceptual factors were 1) to have a story that might develop along a steady storyline and 2) avoid (a personal proclivity here) a tendency towards overuse of "bathroom humor" and story tangents. In pursuit of objective "2" I'd like to employ an occasional moderating editorial voice by myself to edit addditions to the story (if okay with moderators).

I hope no one takes offense, certainly there are various views on humor, but I find an overuse of body humor tiresome, and rather
un-Tolkien/Middle-earthish. Just a personal attittude, but there you are.

Thanks.

[Nessa Telrunya]

"So he decided to write..."

[Eönwë]

...a very long book on...

[Nessa Telrunya]

"How to Knit a Cloak"

[Tuor in Gondolin]

"That Nazgul Will Die For!"

[narfforc]

.......if woven in Westernesse wool...

[mormegil]

...,which didn't really come from....

[Eönwë]

...sheep, but instead, from the...

[mormegil]

...shaper-shifters, a distant cousin to....

[Tuor in Gondolin]

Millionaire Jed moved to Lorien with his bags So he decided to write
a very long book on "How to Knit a Cloak That Nazgul Will Die For!"
if woven in Westernesse wool, which didn't really come from
sheep, but instead, from the shaper-shifters, a distant cousin to
...Sauron's wolf acolytes in Beleriand...

[Nessa Telrunya]

"so they decided on pink"

[Tuor in Gondolin]

Millionaire Jed moved to Lorien with his bags So he decided to write
a very long book on "How to Knit a Cloak That Nazgul Will Die For!"
if woven in Westernesse wool, which didn't really come from
sheep, but instead, from the shaper-shifters, a distant cousin to
Sauron's wolf acolytes in Beleriand

So they decided on pink
...since Haldir LOVED shocking pink...

[Nessa Telrunya]

"But Haldir also loved sparkles."

[Tuor in Gondolin]

...when singing "Goodbye Yellow Brick"...

[Nessa Telrunya]

"but he wished he could..."

[Tuor in Gondolin]

...sartorially dress better than Galadriel...

[Nessa Telrunya]

"who was not happy with"

[Tuor in Gondolin]

So they decided on pink since Haldir LOVED shocking pink.
But Haldir also loved sparkles when singing "Goodbye Yellow Brick..."
But he wished he could sartorially dress better than Galadriel
who was not happy with

...Sauron's sexy eyelash(es?) from E-Bay...

[Nessa Telrunya]

"so she conspired to steal"

[Tuor in Gondolin]

"Varda's eyelashes after returning to"

[Nessa Telrunya]

"Lothlorien and stealing Galadriel's dress"

[Tuor in Gondolin]

So they decided on pink since Haldir LOVED shocking pink.
But Haldir also loved sparkles when singing "Goodbye Yellow Brick..."
But he wished he could sartorially dress better than Galadriel
who was not happy with Sauron's sexy eyelash(es?) from E-Bay;
so she conspired to steal Varda's eyelashes after returning to
Lothlorien and stealing Galadriel's dress.

"This really ticked off Varda"

[Galadriel55]

..., who was counting on a...

[Tuor in Gondolin]

...sexy gown for the party...

[Galadriel55]

Manwe held for the Valar

[narfforc]

....every last Twelvtyth of Foreyule.

[Tuor in Gondolin]

Fortunately the valar drinking game...

[narfforc]

...consisted of guzzling large quantities....

[Tuor in Gondolin]

...of wine everytime someone said...

[Galadriel55]

"Gollum's weird strange-coloured weeds"

[narfforc]

or weedy Gollum's strangely weird...

[Galadriel55]

habbit to sniff all the time.

[Tuor in Gondolin]

So they decided on pink since Haldir LOVED shocking pink.
But Haldir also loved sparkles when singing "Goodbye Yellow Brick..."
But he wished he could sartorially dress better than Galadriel
who was not happy with Sauron's sexy eyelash(es?) from E-Bay;
so she conspired to steal Varda's eyelashes after returning to
Lothlorien and stealing Galadriel's dress.

This really ticked off Varda, who was counting on a sexy gown for the
party Manwe held for the Valar every last Twelvtyth of Foreyule. Fortunately the
Valar drinking game consisted of guzzling large quantities of wine everytime
someone said "Gollum's weird strange-coloured weeds" or
"Gollum's weird strange-coloured weeds".

While at the party their
...habbit to sniff all the time...

[Galadriel55]

made Varda dizzy and sleepy

[narfforc]

...sniff sniff yawn yawn Varda

[Hilde Bracegirdle]

after pouring antihistamine laced merlot.

[Folwren]

Nothing made sense to them...

[Galadriel55]

..., especially how Gollum and Galadriel

[narfforc]

... had managed to have offspring........

[Tuor in Gondolin]

...who built the Prancing Pony...

[Galadriel55]

...and smoked pipe weed often.

[Tuor in Gondolin]

So they decided on pink since Haldir LOVED shocking pink.
But Haldir also loved sparkles when singing "Goodbye Yellow Brick..."
But he wished he could sartorially dress better than Galadriel
who was not happy with Sauron's sexy eyelash(es?) from E-Bay;
so she conspired to steal Varda's eyelashes after returning to
Lothlorien and stealing Galadriel's dress.

This really ticked off Varda, who was counting on a sexy gown for the
party Manwe held for the Valar every last Twelvtyth of Foreyule. Fortunately the
Valar drinking game consisted of guzzling large quantities of wine everytime
someone said "Gollum's weird strange-coloured weeds" or
"weedy Gollum's strangely weird weeds".

While at the party their habbit to sniff all the time made Varda dizzy and sleepy
(Sniff sniff yawn yawn Varda). After pouring antihistamine laced merlot nothing
made sense to them, especially how Gollum and Galadriel had managed to have
offspring who built the Prancing Pony and smoked pipe weed often.

...But Manwe's hangover next day...

[Galadriel55]

had a very interesting effect

[Tuor in Gondolin]

...when Varda got disgusted and...

[Almesiva Moonshadow]

...said, I want a divorce!!!...:D

[Tuor in Gondolin]

...which gave Melkor an idea...

[Galadriel55]

...that Gollum could possibly be...

[Tuor in Gondolin]

...Varda's new love interest. But...

[Galadriel55]

...Galadriel got jealous and told...

[narfforc]

....Celeborn that she fancied Gimli....

[Tuor in Gondolin]

So they decided on pink since Haldir LOVED shocking pink.
But Haldir also loved sparkles when singing "Goodbye Yellow Brick..."
But he wished he could sartorially dress better than Galadriel
who was not happy with Sauron's sexy eyelash(es?) from E-Bay;
so she conspired to steal Varda's eyelashes after returning to
Lothlorien and stealing Galadriel's dress.

This really ticked off Varda, who was counting on a sexy gown for the
party Manwe held for the Valar every last Twelvtyth of Foreyule. Fortunately the
Valar drinking game consisted of guzzling large quantities of wine everytime
someone said "Gollum's weird strange-coloured weeds" or
"weedy Gollum's strangely weird weeds".

While at the party their habbit to sniff all the time made Varda dizzy and sleepy
(Sniff sniff yawn yawn Varda). After pouring antihistamine laced merlot nothing
made sense to them, especially how Gollum and Galadriel had managed to have
offspring who built the Prancing Pony and smoked pipe weed often.

But Manwe's hangover next day had a very interesting effect when Varda got disgusted
and said, "I want a divorce"!!! Which gave Melkor an idea that Gollum could possibly be
Varda's new love interest. But Galadriel got jealous and told Celeborn that she fancied Gimli

...and was eloping to Aman.

[Galadriel55]

..Galadriel's and Gollum's offspring protested...

[Tuor in Gondolin]

...they wanted to see Taniquetil...

[Galadriel55]

...in trees and weird weeds...

[Nessa Telrunya]

...that had always been like...

[Tuor in Gondolin]

...Old Man Willow's forest realm...

[Galadriel55]

...before Smaug came and burned...

[Nessa Telrunya]

...down many of their special...

[Galadriel55]

...kinds of pipe-weed and potatoes...

[Nessa Telrunya]

...which made everyone decide to...

[Tuor in Gondolin]

...study agronomy with the entwives.

[Galadriel55]

Unfortunately, Treebeard didn't approve of...

[Nessa Telrunya]

...this ghastly turn of events...

[Tuor in Gondolin]

...but the entwives warned him...

[Galadriel55]

...that Smeagol hates talking trees...

[Tuor in Gondolin]

...and loves The Lumberjack Song...

[Galadriel55]

.., so Treebeard, dressed as Tomlinson,...

[Tuor in Gondolin]

...with his best girlie by...

[narfforc]

...his side, sang 'I ate....

[narfforc]

....a lumberjack and I'm Ok'...






sorry for doubling up, but I couldn't resist it.

[Galadriel55]

...though he really wasn't OK...

*Sorry, I had to :)

[Tuor in Gondolin]

Unfortunately, Treebeard didn't approve of this ghastly turn of events. But the entwives warned him that Smeagol hates talking trees and loves The Lumberjack Song. So Treebeard, dressed as Tomlinson, with his best girlie by his side, sang 'I ate a lumberjack and I'm Ok' though he really wasn't OK.

...And now for something completely...

[Galadriel55]

...random, Sauron and Morgoth had...

[Tuor in Gondolin]

... a stand-up act in Thangorodrim...



(Heard at the conclusion of their classic Who's On Beleriand routine)
Hey, thank you, thank you. Balrog audiences are the BEST audiences.

[Lindale]

who were so horrible that

[Blind Guardian]

...with Luthien who sang a...

[Lindale]

..n ear-splitting Doriath aria

[Tuor in Gondolin]

...wearing braids and a helmet...

[narfforc]

.........they renamed her Luthien Tinnitus...

[Tuor in Gondolin]

...Luthien's sro concert at Menegroth...

[Nessa Telrunya]

...never really decided what to...