The Chicken

[Dwarin Thunderhammer]

Why did the chicken cross the greenway?

[ April 08, 2002: Message edited by: Dwarin Thunderhammer ]

[Thenamir]

The chicken, sunlight coruscating off its radiant yellow-white coat of feathers, approached the dark, sullen asphalt road and scrutinized it intently with its obsidian-black eyes. Every detail of the thoroughfare leapt into blinding focus: the rough texture of the surface, over which countless tires had worked their relentless tread through the ages; the innumerable fragments of stone embedded within the lugubrious mass, perhaps quarried from the great pits where the Sons of Man labored not far from here; the dull black asphalt itself, exuding those waves of heat which distort the sight and bring weakness to the body; the other attributes of the great highway too numerous to give name. And then it crossed it.

[zifnab]

I think there are many unanswered questions to this "chicken" question. Some would be,

What is waiting for him on the other side? Maybe family, food, shelter or a good pub. And if that is the case then why didn’t they join him in the first place across the greenway?

Was this chicken on a quest, and his goal was on the other side of the greenway? Was the chicken on his way to join the Grey Company? Or to simply get milk at the nearest grocery store? Maybe it wasn’t a quest at all, but an egg heist? Was that certain chicken incapable of producing the necessary eggs so viable to the production and continuation of the M-E chicken, so that the chicken was forced to “steal” other chickens eggs to help repopulate his chicken culture? Maybe the chicken was really a rooster in disguise, that would explain the egg-heist idea. Why would a rooster dress up as a chicken, and attempt to cross a greenway? Maybe it was ashamed of its un-rooster like characteristics and decided that being a chicken was much better, just got to lay eggs and all that, no crowing at the sun. And since the rooster under the chicken disguise was unable to produce the eggs, he was forced to steal them with the other chicken rivals across the greenway, so that nobody expected anything. Was the chicken under the influence of the One Ring when this took place. A Chicken-Wraith?

Where exactly is this greenway? Is it just a way that happens to be green, and so happens that the chicken needed to cross it? There had to be some reason on the “greenway” being mentioned, if it served nothing important, why even mention it to begin with. Maybe it was a greenway on the new Mordor Golf Course?
Are chickens even capable of crossings the deadly Mordor greenways? They(chickens) are a white color so maybe it was a defense mechanism to help the chicken to cross the Greenway. As we all know, white is the color of the ball. And without the ball, there would be no Golf. Never trust a man, that uses fluorescent colored balls. If it was an albino chicken, could you tell the difference? Is pink eyes a good quality in a chicken?

What if the fea of the chicken was of a Maiar, then what? What would that certain Maiar want with the greenway and the crossing of it. Maybe it wasn’t a Maiar, but it was Flame Imperishable! That would explain absolute nothing, but it fits with my above mindboggling comments. Was the chicken searching for the core of Arda? Or was the “fea” of the spirit so feiry it was having an internal struggle with its spirit?
If the chicken had wings, why didn’t it fly across? Does the chicken stand for something meaningful in Arda? Does the Valar do the “chicken dance”? Was the chicken really an enigma or an allegory? Maybe it was J.R.R. Tolkien himself, and the chicken represents more then just an edible bird. Maybe it was the “crossings” we all must do in are life. The crossroads that stand before us. Or maybe it wasn’t Tolkien , at all. But simply a chicken.

Was he the only chicken crossing. I see no plural so, one can assume, no. So, obviously it was not a “March” it was quite simply a “cross”. But to get deeper, what is a “cross” to a chicken. One can assume it to be a means of getting from point A to B. But as we all know, Chickens of M-E are quite different then Chickens of our earth.

After all this, one is not happy with the answer of “the chicken crossed the greenway to simply get to the other side”.

[Mithadan]

The chicken has wings. Why didn't it just fly?

[onewhitetree]

Shadow wings, Mith. Shadow wings.

[Marileangorifurnimaluim]

It was a dark time for chickens. The shadows loomed deeper and more dreadful. Word spread of a nameless terror that had not been seen for many an age. Rumor troubled even those chickens safe in their henhouses, as they clucked among themselves of an evening, though they still scoffed and cackled.

Times would have been bad enough, were it not for this one terrible chance. So one lone chicken fled from exile into exile, hesitating just a moment on the greenway..

.. just long enough to get hit by an ox cart. What can you do?

[Bruce MacCulloch]

The Question answered by an online discussion group:
What do you mean why did the chicken cross the road????!!!???
Haven't you read **any** of the previous posts?
We've been [expletive deleted] debating every word of that question, painstakingly trying to come to some kind of answer.
I know you wrote 'All I wnted to know was why chickens cross the road, I'm not looking for any chicken trivia' but I'm fed up with newbies who can't even bother to REEEEEEEEAAADDD the posts on that very topic!
No, this is *not* a flame.
But, I and several others here have the *maturity* to properly explore and respond to this question, and we were properly trained; we *didn't* just read a book and think we were full-fledged chickenologists.
Whew, feeling much better after ranting.

[Estelyn Telcontar]

Publisher's note:

Mr. Christopher Tolkien has kindly agreed to collect and edit the manuscripts of this epos. Following volumes of The History of Middle-Barnyard will be available soon at your local bookstore:

The Book of Lost Tails: Part 1
The Book of Lost Tails: Part 2
The Lays of Cockadoodleland
The Shaping of Middle-Barnyard
The Lost Greenway and Other Scratchings
The Return of the Rooster
The Treason of the Chickencoop
The War of the Wing
Colonel Sanders Defeated
Morgoth's Wing
The War of the Drumsticks
The Animals of Middle-Barnyard

Better yet, support the Downs and order from the site's bookshop! http://www.plauder-smilies.de/chicken.gif

[Sharkû]

Where exactly is this greenway? (-zifnab)
Dude, there is a clear reference in LotR. Think 'Amon Hen'.

[Rimbaud]

1) MATRIX - Ask not why the chicken crossed the greenway. The answer is impossible. Simply tell yourself there is no chicken. Then you will see that the chicken is only in your mind.

2) SEINFELD - "What is it with chickens crossing roads anyway? Everywhere you go, there's damn chickens crossing roads! Why do chickens do that? Man, this chicken thing really GETS ME!"

3) GANDHI - A chicken crosses the road, and the world goes cluck. (apologies)

4) BUSH Jr. - I promise that every chicken will have his day. We gonna get them chickens.

5) ARTHUR ANDERSEN - What chicken?

6) KAFKA - The chicken's crossing of the greenway simply exemplifies his existential suffering at the hands of an uncaring world.

7) CHICKEN - Cluck.

[Dwarin Thunderhammer]

Well the reasons the chicken crossed the greenway are many. Perhaps, the most important is the symbolism of being rebirthed ad coming out on the other side as a new creature. You see the chicken was going to marry the exiled king of geese. When the kingdom of the geese was overran by the evil chinchillas of Mordor. The line of the goose-kings was kept alive from father to son, hidden away among the chickens. When waddler (his what most people called him) decided to reclaim his Goosedom he was exiled from the chicken-coup and the love of his life (the chicken). After he was victorious the chicken wanted to marry the Aragoose (for that was his kingly name). So Chickawen the daughter of Roostelrond the king of the chicken coop journeyed to the land of Goosdor, to marry Aragoose. However in order to marry Aragoose the chicken had to forsake the chicken life, and loose all her chickeness. That's what the crossing greenway symbolizes. The abandoning of all that one is framiliar and safe with for love.

[Mhoram]

Dude, there is a clear reference in LotR. Think 'Amon Hen'.

lmao

[Ahanarion]

Stephanos you forgot one.
Nietzsche:Chicken is dead.

[Nevtalathiel]

Which direction was it going in, if we know which way it went, the answer may become clear.

[LadyArwen]

Fox Mulder: The chicken crossed the greenway - you just saw it then, with your very own eyes! How many more chickens will have to cross the greenway before you wake up to what is happening!

[Birdland]

Dwarin, the chicken is NOT Canon. Please remember that in the book, it was a Rooster that crossed the greenway.

P.J. changed the role to a chicken because he felt the film needed some strong female roles.

And yes, it's true: the chicken will be at Helm's Deep.

[Gayahithwen]

bravissimo all of you!

Why did the balrog cross the road?
Because it was chained to the chicken!

Heh, bad joke, but I'm tired..

[Nevtalathiel]

Does the chicken have any Freudian significance?

[Sindacuion]

Or perhaps Jungian..? Does the chicken lay eggs? That must be the solving factor.. smilies/biggrin.gif

[Elendur]

Why does it matter if the chickens wings are physical or shadow? The fact is the chicken wings are there. And they can be used to fly for short periods of time. The chicken is flying across the road just to show you he can.

[Nevtalathiel]

Aah, but the chicken is never actually described as flying.

[Elendur]

I think we can assume that the chickens wings have a purpose. Otherwise the chicken wouldnt have wings. So when the chicken raises to a great height, I am inclined to beleive that the chicken flew, if just for a second. I dont beleive chickens can just float.

[gollum*elf*pup]

chickens can float . . .LOL
I ATE THE CHICKEN~!
http://216.40.201.38/kao/otn/pduckie1.gif http://www.theunholytrinity.org/cracks_smileys/kao/otn/pflower.gif

[Gimli Son Of Gloin]

You want to see something really interesting about chickens? Go to this (http://www.miketheheadlesschicken.org/) site. The chicken survived I8 MONTH'S WITHOUT A HEAD!

The wings don't necessarily have to have a purpose. Look at Balrogs, they have wings, they can't fly. Look at ostriches, they have wings, they can't fly. Animals and plants both have useless apendages and organs. What about our appendixes?

[ May 25, 2002: Message edited by: Gimli Son Of Gloin ]

[zifnab]

I think Sharkey is right on...

Dä Chîckén of Amon Hen.

http://www.plauder-smilies.de/chicken.gif

[Sharkû]

What about our appendixes?
I personally consider especially Appendix F a priceless highlight of fiction.

Actually I'm just replying because I did not understand zifnab's last post, but while I'm at it, I might as well post something real.
Could the fox who saw the sleeping hobbits in Woody End have anything to do with the chicken? The fox undoubtedly possessed a fea, he probably was inhabited by a Maia spirit (foxes, the other Balrogs, a topic I will come back to later). Could the chicken have been of similar nature?

[Gimli Son Of Gloin]

Is it just me, or does anyone else think a chicken with out a head for a year and half is cool?

[Kettle of fish]

Why did the chicken cross the greenway?

The answer is simple.
Because the grass is always greener on the other side.

[Gimli Son Of Gloin]

I guess not...

[GreatWarg]

Kettle of fish, that doesn't make sense. The Greenway HAS GRASS GROWING ON IT! So technically, the chicken didn't CROSS it, it stayed right down the middle of it, eventually getting run over into feathery remains by the Ringwraiths, whom were on their way to Bree to get Mr. Frodo and the Ring.

[Gimli Son Of Gloin]

And I thought that chicken was famous. Guess no one cares...

[Rimbaud]

I see the chicken as a brave little modern day Oedipus, on his way to the maternal nest. I fear for his tiny feathered soul when he reaches the crossroads.

Additionally, the questions surrounding the circumstances that led to the greenway's passive surrender to the seemingly endless processsion of crossing chickens seems to be an untapped well. Mixing metaphors is also a speciality. Perhaps the submissive nature of the greenway is really a front for millennia of pent up rage and frustration at chickens and their endless dithering. The Day of Revenge draws ever nearer. If I were poultry, my fear would be untrammelled.

[ May 28, 2002: Message edited by: Stephanos ]

[Kettle of fish]

Greatwarg,

Of course the greenway is covered in grass. It is just that the grass on any part that the chicken is not standing on (or that is in its very immediate proximity) seems greener.
The 'crossing' is possible as long as the chicken is on the edge, or just inside the edge, of the greenway.
Which brings us to the question of what would happen if we put the chicken on an endless greenway. Essentially, you would end up with a very happy chicken. The chicken would continue to walk towards the greener horizon and never reach it, therefore never finding out and suffereing the disappointment of its object being just as green as where it came from.
The next question to be addressed would be, if indeed the chicken would not eventually cotton on to the fact that it would never reach the horizon and suffer from sore feet which would lessen its happiness considerably.
And then of course, comes the question of whether chickens are colourblind.

[Gimli Son Of Gloin]

A HEADLESS CHICKEN FOR OVER A WHOLE FREAKING YEAR AND NOBOSY GIVES A HOOT! http://www.plauder-smilies.com/chicken.gif

[Guo Si]

Upon waking up this morning, I had an incredible insight on the question of chicken's wings and their ability to fly. The answer is clearly in the Lieh-Tzu, a Taosit text describing the path to enlightment through myths and tails (Bad pun, I know smilies/tongue.gif). In all of the tales, there is a moral, and many of these the point that you should not use strength is stressed. In the tale of the Immortal Old Shang, he had the power to move boulders, but never needed to call on that power, as he never found a task so diffucult as to need it. Obvoiusly the chicken, being far more enlightened then us, realized that he could simply cross the greenway, and didn't need to fly. However, this brings up some startiling new questions:
Are chickens Taoist, or are they naturally enlightened?
Can chickens talk, but never find the need to say anything?
And what of turkeys, the chickens' fatter counterparts, are they enlightened too?

[VanimaEdhel]

Upon all of about 5 minutes of deep, ponderous thought, I have decided to use prolixity to disguise the fact that I cannot comprehend the response to duch a daunting question...

One must first ask: who is the chicken? Without this insight, one cannot fathom the reasons the chicken has. If, on the other hand, one knew of the chicken and their habits and favors, one would be able to hypothesize why the chicken may have decided to partake in such a venture. Such deep thought could make one defenistrate their computer after hours of tedious research.

The chicken may have wanted to partake on the intake of vittles, and the vittles were situated across the greenway. Unless, on the other hand, there was a handsom rooster across the way, then the intentions are obvious.

Many scholars have argued over this question for centuries. The statement just issued is the statement of one who is far from a scholar, so one more educated may have a better hypothesis for the actions of this chicken.

[Guo Si]

Well Vanima, to believe in your theory, one must assume chickens are driven by baser instincts, such as glutteny (as seen in the vittles theory) or lust (as seen in the rooster theory). However, as I said before, perhaps chickens are very intelligent, but do not need to speak, as they are enlightened. Pray consider this, I ask, and perhaps someday we will understand a creature as great as the majestic chicken.

EDIT: I really must proofread my posts...

[ May 28, 2002: Message edited by: Guo Si ]

[VanimaEdhel]

Too true, Guo.

The chicken: a mighty animal, great in splendor, is matched by few. Even the glorified race of Elves is far below these creatures.

Far be it for me, however, to hold who is enlightened and who is not? How do we know that the chicken, although a noble animal, is not, as so many of us are, powered by reflex? Or perhaps it is the chicken's destiny to cross the road.

If it is, however, destiny, on must then ask the question: what is accomplished by this immortalized "crossing of the road"? Does it change the path of the Earth someday? Or does it cause a portal to open into some unknown world? What is the good of this "desity" fulfilled by the chicken (or evil, as the case may be)? If it is destiny, then it must have some bearing in the world.

If it is enlightenment, then how do we, as primitive humans, figure out when to cross our greenways in life? Will we, as humans, ever be as enlightened as the chicken? Are we even fit to determine the enlightenment of the chicken?

[Guo Si]

Well, Vanima, as in another tale in the Lieh-Tzu, a wise sage says that some people can apply a technique without knowing how, while others may no how but cannot apply it. Obviously, the chicken can at the least be enlightened without knowing it, and therefore act in reflex, but how can we truly understand anything other then ourselves, or something as great as the chicken?

Now, on the matter of destiny, I believe every chicken has the power to control his/her fate. How is this possible? you may ask. Well, its very simple really. The chicken, greater then us by all means, truly understands the balance between Heaven and Earth. By understanding this, they are not constrained by titles, money, lust, or power, as most mortals are. No, I think chickens understand that they are born, and they will die, so why tire themselves while they live?

In conclusion, we can assume that chickens, however frail they may appear, are in fact worthy role-models for the everday human, elf, dwarf, or hobbit.

[Kettle of fish]

The vittles theory and the rooster theory do not necessarily prove that the chicken is ruled by such base instincts as gluttony and lust. Surely, it is possibly for the chicken to seek food for simple means of survival, and a mate simply to procreate. In fact, this may be the chicken's destiny - to eat so as to survive, and to mate so as to continue a long line of chickens that will eventually lead to the birth of one chicken that will lead them all to freedom.

The chicken is a noble creature, nobody debates this. The question is whether it is born enlightened or must cross the greenway to reach enlightenment (whether the enlightenment is reached with the journey or with the destination). And when considering, as pointed out earlier, the indeterminable state of the chicken's enlightenment - is it possibly to judge the chicken's silence and postulate on possible motives?

[Nevtalathiel]

If it is the chicken's destiny to cross the Greenway, does this mean that the chicken's actions are ruled by fate, or does the chicken have free-will?

[VanimaEdhel]

And: if they are given free will, one must ask if the free will is only an illusion? Do they think they are given free will, but are they REALLY guided by a higher force? And what is that higher force? Does it have a being? Or is it an energy?

And one must also ask "What is a chicken?" and "What is a greenway?"..."Is there really a chicken, or is it in our mind...and a greenway the same?"

'Tis really too complicated to discuss in a mere Tolkien chat board! It deserves scholars!

[Kettle of fish]

And would the scholars in question be better equipped if they were, themselves, chickens?

[Nevtalathiel]

But do the scholars realy exist, or are they merely figments of our imagination, and are the scholars ruled by this greater being? If so, can they truly discover anything, or will all their findings be selected by the greater being to prevent us from ever truly understanding its nature? Is the greater beign some form of chicken or other domestic foul?

[VanimaEdhel]

Then: what if the scholars are all playing sick joke on us? What if they are truly chickens, and they just want to think there is an answer, but there really isn't any?

What if there are no answers at all? Come to think of it, what if there weren't any questions either? What would we do? Worst of all: what if J.R.R. Tolkien wasn't real?! *faints*

[Guo Si]

Are you saying J.R.R Tolkein was a chicken? smilies/biggrin.gif

[VanimaEdhel]

Well, I'll be a chicken's aunt!

Sorry: no, I'm not saying it, but...what if...? What if we are all chickens? Then, can we appreciate the divinity of our fellow chickens? Or not? Or are we all to primitive in our chickenness?

[Nevtalathiel]

Yes, maybe reaching enlightenment is finally realising and accepting the fact that you are a chicken.

[Kettle of fish]

But 'chicken' is only a label.
How can enlightenment be related to how chicken-like we see ourselves. Shouldn't if by only proportional to how we view ourselves in general, with no regards to how the chicken ideal fits into this.

[VanimaEdhel]

True: a label is a label.

But what if labels are the true reflection of what we are deep inside? Or: what if we have no insides? What if our insides were our outsides and our outsides our insides? What if beauty is truly skin deep, because what we called our "insides" are actually outside? And what if this thread never ended?

And what if there were no such thing as an "end"? And, if one reaches the "end", is that where enlightenment comes? So: have chickens reached the end? And is everything going to eventually reach "chickenhood"?

[Gimli Son Of Gloin]

I CAN'T BELIEVE THIS! ARE YOU PEOPLE SERIOUS, NO ONE THINKS ANYTHIG ABOUT THE HEADLESS CHICKEN! HERE IS THE SITE! (http://www.miketheheadlesschicken.org/)

[VanimaEdhel]

See? There are some among us who have already reached enlightenment! Thank you, Gimli! Now, we must all take Mike's...ummm...whatever...example? and become enlightened as well!

But...what if when we reach enlightenment, we, ourselves, are not worthy of becoming chickens? Will we have to work again, harder, once we are enlightened?

[Gimli Son Of Gloin]

Morbid curiousity forces me to ask; What does this have to do with Tolkien?

[Kettle of fish]

It has a lot to do with Tolkien. He may have been a chicken.

[Nevtalathiel]

Posibly one of the most creative chickens of all times. but if he was a chicken, did he talk, or did he never feel the need to?

[Gimli Son Of Gloin]

Ah, I see. This is one of the few real debates about the finer points of this great work of literature. I am sorry for being so hasty in judging the level of literacy of this topic.

If Tolkien was a chicken I have a theory on his plan. We already know that Tolkien hated publicity. He must have gotten so overwhelmed by his fans, he faked his death and transformed into a chicken, just like Beorn could. Perhaps Tolkien is Beorn. Maybe he came from Middle Earth. Maybe he wrote of his adventures in The Hobbit, but from Bilbo's perspecive, as not to give away his identity. Maybe he is a Maia? The answers to those questions Man may never know...

[ June 03, 2002: Message edited by: Gimli Son Of Gloin ]

[VanimaEdhel]

Gimli! You may have just discovered the secret!

Maybe we can all change shapes, though, and we just don't know it...maybe it was just that Tolkien is so enlightened that he discovered his gift.

We should all take from Tolkien's example and all become as enlightened as he was or is!

[Gimli Son Of Gloin]

So what you're saying is that we all the power, but we don't know how to use it. Maybe Beorn is the father of Men? So that's why we can change. I am going to read everythig Tolkien every wrote that I can get my hands on and see if he left the secret to his powers...

[ June 03, 2002: Message edited by: Gimli Son Of Gloin ]

[zifnab]

I take it you have not heard Tolkien read? It sounds very 'uncluckish' to me.

[Gimli Son Of Gloin]

Does Beorn sound like a bear when he transforms?

[VanimaEdhel]

But what does a chicken sound like ziffy? What if what we've been hearing is just what the chickens want us to believe they sound like. What if they all sound like Tolkien? What if we all truly sound like Tolkien, and we just don't know it?...

[Elendur]

What if Tolkien was really Mike the chicken? What have we done?

[Gimli Son Of Gloin]

I started talking about this yesterday at the dinner table. We were having chicken. Then all my family looked at me like I was some sort of nut.

[Nevtalathiel]

Are you sure you're not some sort of nut? smilies/wink.gif

[Sindacuion]

If Tolkien was a chicken (or maybe not), did he lay eggs? And what colour where they? Green, maybe? White? Brown..?

[zifnab]

Interesting ideas if not a bit frightening. But I think you have confused the issue of debate. It was 'Why did the {Arda}Chicken cross the green-way. Cross-referecing the similar traits between Arda and {Our} chickens is understandable, but what does Tolkien 'The Human Chicken' have to do with it. Did he use his own chicken traits as a writing tool? You need to dig deeper into this one. Or not.....

smilies/rolleyes.gif

[VanimaEdhel]

I tried to explain this conversation to my friends in school. They looked at me weirdly, but...then again, they do that a lot. And they didn't understand. They were like "but wait! If Tolkien's a chicken...hmmm...I don't understand!" *Sigh* Inferior minds...just kidding...

[Gimli Son Of Gloin]

Tolkien did not lay eggs, however his wife would have. Who is Chistoper Tolkien's mother?

[zifnab]

Edith Bratt.

[Guo Si]

You are all taking this far too literally! Tolkien was NOT chicken in a physical sense. However, he WAS a chicken mentally, as can be seen in his suberb works of literature.

[Gimli Son Of Gloin]

There are a number of reasons why the chicken crossed the greenway(what's a greenway?). Maybe he really was trying to get to other side. If he was, why? What was on the otherr side? Did he see something he wanted? Did he want to get away from someone or something on his side of the greenway? Was his wife on his side of the greenway? Perhaps he was excersising? Was the grass greener on the other side of the greenway? Was he hallcinating? Was he sleepwalking? Was the greenway actually the Berlin Wall? Was he on the Communist side or the American side? Was the Berlin Wall just called a greenway to avoid this argument? If so, I"m going to keep my mouth shut so I don't get in trouble.

Next time someone asks me why the chicken crossed the greenway(or road), boy, will I be ready smilies/evil.gif

[ June 09, 2002: Message edited by: Gimli Son Of Gloin ]

[gollum*elf*pup]

ahhh, i ate the chicken!!!! bye bye chicken!!!

[Gimli Son Of Gloin]

Little Road Island Red
By Gimli Son Of Glóin

Road Island Red: The Chicken

gollum*elf*pup: The Antagonist

Gimli Son Of Glóin": The Hero

The Undertaker: Need I say more?

Act One: The Greenway
-----------------------------------
Road Island Red(at the greenway): Dum dee dee dum. La la la la.

gollum*elf*pup: (Jumps out of bush) Waa Haa Haa! I'm the Antagonist! I am gonna to eat you!

Road Island Red: AHHHHHHH!

gollum*elf*pup eats the chicken

Act Two:Eavesdroppings

Gimli Son Of Glóin: I'm off to see the chicken, the wonderful chicken of Oz!
(knocks on door)
Mr. Chicken! Oh Mr. Chicken! Hmm. No one is home. I wonder where Road is...

gollum*elf*pup(walking by the house):Boy that chicken was good!

Gimli Son Of Glóin: That thing ate the chicken!

Act Three:Yech

Gimli Son Of Glóin: Die!
Jumps out of bush, slices open gollum*elf*pup, Road Island Red hops out

The Undertaker:I'm here for the dead thing.
<FONT SIZE="20">The End

[ June 09, 2002: Message edited by: Gimli Son Of Gloin ]

[VanimaEdhel]

Hey! I want to be in the play!

Sorry, just wanted to get that deep inner desire into the open...I got a new idea by the way from someone on another topic: let us discuss what a "squid" is? Can we ever be sure of what a squid is? Is a squid a squid? Are any of us truly squids? Can squids ever measure up to chickens?

[Gimli Son Of Gloin]

I love squid... I imagine Kettle of fish will have a say in the squid conversation.

[VanimaEdhel]

Yes: but what do YOU think a squid is? Are we squids? Is a squid a squid?

[GreatWarg]

Now we may ask ourselves, are we all squids? Or are we chickens? Does it matter whether we are a squid or chicken? Ordoes it just matter who we really are?

[Gimli Son Of Gloin]

We are what we think we are, and what we think others are. I am obviously a wise owl. My really tough best friend is a tiger. My teacher is, of course, a dung beatle. Now we must ask ourselves, what are we? And what do we think others are?

[gollum*elf*pup]

if i was a chicken, i'd eat myself! (j/k)
i'm a vicious chicken eating evil monkey, of course! smilies/biggrin.gif heh heh heh, i like your play, gimli!!!

[Gimli Son Of Gloin]

Thanks.

By the way, I've always wondered at your name. Are you half Gollum, half elf, and half warg?

[Birdland]

Guo Si and Nevtalathiel: Enough of this Eastern Mythology! Chickens were born to suffer and struggle.

Chicken against Nature: Usually a fox, but sometimes weasels.

Chicken Against Man: Boiled, roasted, or Fried.

Chicken Against Chicken: The Eternal Struggle of the Cock-Pit.

So why did the Chicken cross the Greenway: Because it was there!

[GreatWarg]

Are you calling me some twisted mutation Gimli?! Why, I'll make you squeal like a chicken! Wait... do chickens squeal? *shrugs*

[Gimli Son Of Gloin]

chickens are Maia.This (http://www.miketheheadlesschicken.org) proves it. They're invincible.

[ June 23, 2002: Message edited by: Gimli Son Of Gloin ]

[gollum*elf*pup]

hey gimli, what is with you and that headless chicken thing???? (just wondering)
i am half elf, half dog. i dont know what the gollum part is there for. heh heh heh.

[Gimli Son Of Gloin]

No one replied to it the last, what, eight times I posted it? You're the first one that said anything! <font size="72">THANK YOU!<font size="2">

[gollum*elf*pup]

youre welcome, i guess.
but what is with that headless chicken thing??? it's really weird.

[Gimli Son Of Gloin]

Chickens only need their brainstem to survive.

[Bêthberry]

The chicken constitutes a principled intervention into cultural politics. It understands the need for strategies to resist the hegemony of cultural artefacts such as the Greenaway or the other side. As the chicken theorizes itself, it achieves its own power. That is why Tolkien chose to talk turkey.

aka, *bump*

[ October 29, 2002: Message edited by: Bethberry ]

[Turambar]

Yes, I think I read something similar in Alan D. Sokal's brilliant Social Texts article . . . smilies/smile.gif

[Bêthberry]

LOL, Turambar, Alan D. Sokal and his Social Texts are both things of which I have never heard. It is so easy to parody this fowl stuff. smilies/wink.gif

Bethberry

[ October 30, 2002: Message edited by: Bethberry ]

[Rimbaud]

Mithadan old chap, is your pun-wraith still in service? I would press upon you for its employment, if I may...

[Bêthberry]

Rimbaud old chap,

Before you preen yourself, let me remind you that ~~The tygers of reform are worse than the wraiths of instruction.~~ smilies/wink.gif

Bethberry

[ October 30, 2002: Message edited by: Bethberry ]

[Cuthalion]

And if there was no one there to actually see said chicken cross said greenway, who's to say it wasn't already on the other side?

[Mhoram]

I saw sharku's first post and started laughing and considered posting a quick LOL to let him know I got the joke, I scrolled down a little ways more and found I had already done so, some 6 months ago smilies/eek.gif

Good joke by Kate too, shadow wings.

And since this is already a silly thread, I don't feel bad about this non-contributing post.

[Gandalf_theGrey]

(inspired by Cuthalion)

If the chicken had been pierced by a Morgul blade, it wouldn't even need to cross the Greenway to get to the other side.

[TolkienGurl]

What came first? The chicken, or the egg?

And if the chicken was Tolkien, maybe he was crossing the greenway to escape the industrialization that was sweeping the countryside of Middle-earth. He hated industry, that chicken did.

Maybe his wings were broken so he couldn't fly to the other side of the greenway. Maybe he was so much into the session of deep thought and contemplation that regularly overcomes chickens that he forgot to fly. Maybe was afraid of flying.

[ October 30, 2002: Message edited by: TolkienGurl ]

[*Varda*]

So, if the chicken was afraid of flying, how would this chicken get across the greenway? Dance, walk, run? As for summoning up the courage to cross the greenway, what about the chicken's personality? Would that not be important in how and why it crosses the Greenway?

What traits in this chicken reflect us? Is the chicken being afraid to cross the road somehow reflective of a chicken-like sense in us, as we have fear, or are we indeed all chickens inside?

Couldn't help but find this topic interesting, since in class today I was forced to watch a toy chicken dance and sing. Oh well, my english teachers had two wee toy dogs that danced and sung Singing in the Rain. Don't ask.

[Thenamir]

Whether the chicken crosses the Greenway or the Greeway crosses the chicken depends entirely on your frame of reference.

In the realm of self-perception, we are not what we think we are, nor are we what others think we are. We are what we think others think we are. Therefore, if others think you are a chicken, then a chicken you are, regardless of how you perceive yourself.

Tol(chic)kien obviously understood this. Finding it hard to soar with eagles when running with chickens in real life, he created an idealized, perfected chicken as a story character. I propound that Gwaihir is an authorial self-insertion into LOTR, not as he actually lived, but what he wanted to be deep in his heart!!

And upon this point there can be no debate -- eagles had wings.

Re: the Balrog -- perhaps in a moment of meditating on the deep evils of mankind, Tolkien envisioned the Balrog as man in his most depraved state. The reference to wings (real or shadow) is a poignant symbolism for the chicken-wings of fallen man, dark, vast, wreathed in impressive smoke and flames, but ultimately useless, "full of sound and fury, signifying nothing." (Let not the readers of this post think that I am in any way comparing, by this particular Shakespearean reference, the works of Tolkien to "a tale told by an idiot" -- that tale is embodied in the collective posts which make up this thread.)

[TolkienGurl]

BTW, chickens don't fly much. smilies/wink.gif

[VanimaEdhel]

What if the chicken is flying an airplane, though? Then they can fly until they run out of fuel.

(But Rachel, can chickens fly airplanes?)

Thank you for asking that, adorable little child always sitting in the first row with obnoxious questions! Why can a chicken not fly an airplane?

(Because they don't have opposable thumbs. Well, come to think of it, they don't have hands at all!)

Well...maybe they are using the Force!

(Isn't this a Lord of the Rings site?)

Okay, well, we like Star Wars too, right?

Okay...that was stupid, pointless, and random...I'm sorry...

[Amanaduial the archer]

gimli hunny, i think you should go have a little lie down...u dont think maybe you and mikes relationship is a little, well...oh never mind...

wow 3 pages on a chicken. This thing could win prizes!

[dragoneyes]

It really depends on the type of chicken, whether it can fly or not. There are some selectivly bred ones which are too fat to fly, some, on the other hand, fly everywhere and couldn't live without their wings, a very annoying quality when you're trying to fence them in.

[Amanaduial the archer]

And there are other types of chicken scientists were trying to breed that had no chance of flying- the had no feathers

[mark12_30]

Why did the chicken cross the road? ...
Aragorn: Let the guide go first, if you have one.
Saruman: He comes to Isengard seeking My Counsel.
Boromir: It was a plain road, though it led through a hedge of thorns.
Eowyn: More than anything else he feared a cage.
Bilbo: The road goes ever on...
Frodo: The chicken could have waited til Bilbo's birthday before he set off.
Sam: Chicken and Chips by S. Gamgee-- you couldn't say no to that.
Gollum: Give me chicken now, and keep nassty chips.

[Suldaledhel]

"What came first? The chicken, or the egg?" A question oft pondered by the greatest of minds. However, the question has been answered already by the philosophers of old. Actuality precedes potentiality, they said, and since the chicken is an actual chicken--whereas the egg is but a potential chicken--the chicken thus came before the egg.

[Legolas]

Not to mention eggs can't, eh...

[Rimbaud]

I believe greater scientific knowledge has disavowed that notion, Sud. The genetic code that is the chicken is in place and extant within the egg, before the fowl creature has emerged. Hence, a practical and applicable model for the answer that the ovine concept supercedes any poultry notion otherwise.

Philosophically, but with a biological bent, there is another reason. Chickens were not always chickens. They evolved from something close to today's chickens, the oft-feared pre-chicken chicken (PCC). The PCC in turn evolved from the Pre-PCC and so on. In each evolutionary shift, the work was done in the coding, which as previously studied, was present in the egg.

At the evolutionary drop-off point, where accurate chicken-classifiers (ACC) would determine the PCC had stopped being a PCC and was now just a C, it would be the egg of the C that preceded the C and 'came first'. Interesting for ACCs to think of the PCC nurturing the C to health and adulthood, not realising it was soon to be supplanted. The death of PC, finally.

My tongue has pierced my cheek. Ouch.

[Estelyn Telcontar]

...and where, dear Rimbaud, is the connection to Tolkien in there???

[Mister Underhill]

...and how do your evolutionary musings jive with the Myths Tranformed version of Morgoth twisting innocent chickens into the fell steeds eventually employed by the Nazgûl circa T.A. 3019?

P.S. - Chickens were always chickens, since the pre-chicken chicken is not a chicken per se.

[ November 24, 2002: Message edited by: Mister Underhill ]

[dragoneyes]

No one ever said "which came first, the chicken or the chicken egg" therefore I take it to not just mean chicken-egg and things were laying eggs long before chickens were around.

There you are! Some of my logic for you!

[VanimaEdhel]

Do you know what I learned today (on the subject of fowl)? That they genetically breed Thanksgiving turkeys to have so much meat on them that they physically do not survive more than a year. The longest one lived was 3 years once. So, all of the turkeys the president pardons die within the year anyway. And yes, you non-U.S.A.-dwellers, our president pardons turkeys!

[ December 04, 2002: Message edited by: VanimaEdhel ]

[Bêthberry]

This thread deserves to be honoured by its own icon.

http://i3.photobucket.com/albums/y64/MimsyBorogroves/chickenicon1.jpg

[Telperaca]

Nietzsche:Chicken is dead.

Ah. One of my favourite persons! His quotes are always good to read when there's a serious problem needed to be sorted and when God doesn't seem to want to help.

And plus I like his frankness. :p

[Telperaca]

This thread deserves to be honoured by its own icon.

http://i3.photobucket.com/albums/y64/MimsyBorogroves/chickenicon1.jpg

::Looks at cards::


I see your icon, and raise you a chocolate.

http://www.laughingmoonltd.com/icon/4130s.jpg

[Oddwen]

But if a chicken crosses the Greenway and there's nobody there to hear, did it still cross?

[SamwiseGamgee]

How can one comment on what one does not know. A better question, Oddwen, is: when nobody is looking do the chicken and the Greenway even exist?

[Estelyn Telcontar]

How many chickens can dance on a pinhead?

[SamwiseGamgee]

23. There's a night of my life I'll never get back. :rolleyes:

[Rimbaud]

A chicken is just the egg's way of making another egg.

[Legolas in spandex]

because he wanted us to all discuss his reason for crossing it in the first place.

[the guy who be short]

How many roads must a chicken cross before we may contemplate its motives?

[Kath]

Perhaps the chicken crossed the Greenway in order to find the chicken that had crossed before it. In which case, which chickens motives should we be looking at. And if the reason for each successive chicken crossing was to find the one that had gone before, what explains the first crossing?

[Holbytlass]

Why did the chicken cross the greenway?
Because the way was green-not red.



My apologies if this has been used, still reading through the thread.

[Thenamir]

How many roads must a chicken cross before we may contemplate its motives?

The answer, my friend, is blowin' in the wind...

[Rikae]

As the topic was detaching
suddenly there came a scratching
poultry poetry dispatching
scratching at the greenway floor.

"T'is some weta grubs" I muttered
"scattered 'cross the greenway floor
(this here hen's a carnivore)
only this and nothing more".