Rewriting Lines

[Rose Cotton]

After watching TTT for the hundreth time I felt like changing Sam's final speach a bit to fit my thoughts. This is how I would have done it:

Sam: I know. It’s all wrong. By rights we shouldn’t even be here. No really Mr. Frodo. *pulls out TTT book* The book says Faramir lets us go long before now. We're never supposed to set foot in Osgilioth(sp). But we are here. It happens to all the great stories. They're just right then some pompous movie director goes and changes them for the worse. And sometimes you don't even want to see the movie. Because how could it be good when so many changes were made? But in the end, it's only a passing thing. The movies come and go. And when you read the story again it's all the more enchanting. And those stories stick with you. They mean somthing. Even if Hollywood is too stupid to understand. I know now, Mr. Frodo. Fans of those stories have lots of chances of giving up on the movie business but they didn't. They kept watching. Because they were hoping for somthing.

Frodo: What are we hoping for Sam?

Sam: That PJ will shove his pride and make these movies the way they're supposed to be made.

PJ: I think at last we understand one enother.

Faramir: So will you give me a better role?

PJ: Are you kidding? I have the nontolkienfan viewers to think about.


Can you think of any other parts you would like to rewrite.

note: I appreciate PJ's work and understand that some changes are nessisary. This is just for fun and is NOT a pj bashing thread. thank you.

[Anything but Arwen]

XD Ah, I love it Rose. I have thought of several, but the only one that springs to mind is when Aragorn tries to give the pendant back to Arwen, and she says "It was a gift. Keep it." Her face makes you think she's going to add "Or else!" on the end...

Ok, I'll shut up and crawl back into my hole now. But to be fair, I've had that DVD since March, so these things become embedded in my head smilies/rolleyes.gif smilies/biggrin.gif

[Alphaelin]

ABA's entry reminded me of another Arwen re-write I'd like to see (besides reducing her role to match the books): In the scene after Eowyn asks Aragorn about the woman who gave him the pendant, Aragorn has a flashback/dream/thing in which he and Arwen discuss him going ff with Frodo. It ends with a proper kiss, after which Arwen should come up for air and say, "There. That should take care of that horsey little tart."

[Arothir]

Scene where the Company arrives at Bree.

Harry Goatleaf: Who's there?

Frodo: Frodo Bag-er I mean Underhill. Hey wait, aren't we forgetting something

Merry: Yes, the one guy.

(Tom arrives)
Tom: Old Tom Bombadil is a merry fellow/ bright blue his jacket is, and his boots are yellow./I should not be here, but what was PJ thinking?/For if Tom is not here then there is no linking./Between the Old Forest and the Inn at Bree./You darn foolish man, you should have used me.

PJ: Cut, get him off the set.

[peonydeepdelver]

LOL Arothir! Nice rhyming.

When Aragorn and Co. find out that the hobbits are "dead", Gimli mutters, "They're dead..." Eomer has this look on his face just before he apologizes that truly looks like he's going to say something along the lines of, "Yes... yes that is what you would call it."

Also when Eowyn asks Aragorn who gave him his pendant, after he answers her I can see her saying, "Oh, so you're single then? smilies/wink.gif"

[Oliphaunts_Rule]

He, he, he, Rose Cotton!
Cute. Hollywood goes over board with stuff like that all the time. Enough to make one sick. smilies/frown.gif

[THE Ka]

Very funny! i think i won't be able to compete with you guys though... ( the ka's only seen TTT 2 times... sad i know) i wish i had seen it more but i do remember the whole "select a scene" part of the DVD where it's the "Of herbs and stewed rabbit".
so i will be demenstraiting my little "play" . sorry if it's not exact remember i've only seen it 2 times. smilies/smile.gif smilies/rolleyes.gif

Sam: " get away from him! you're gonna make him sick!"
Frodo: " Actually sam, i think it's quiet entertaining..."
Frodo oohs and awws as Gollum takes the two rabbits and snaps them in half. you can even hear the ripping of sinews. amazing.
Sam: " oh! no! has the ring taken over your mind Mr. frodo ! Look what you've done Gollum you little rat!"
Frodo: " Sam for once cool it! All i've been hearing this trip is: " Mr. frodo are you ok!?" " Mr.Frodo do you need to take a rest?" " Mr. Frodo this, Mr. Frodo that!" Sam, if you really want to see what's it's like to be posessed, then i suggest you clamp your mouth shut!"

Then you know it... that ocward moment of silence... Gollum has stoped killing the rabbits, and is looking at sam then frodo and so on. Sam, his mouth dropped, is stupified by what frodo has said.
Frodo, amazed and surprised at the same time feels like he's turned overa new leaf for good.

Sam: "Awww.. ummm. phif... well!... Well you know! You know!"
Sam stomps off the set.. flustered...
Frodo: Sam! Ahh who gives a care anyway! If anyone wants me i'll be in my trailer!"

Gollum: Oh, wells. At least i've gots a whole swamp to our selves! come now precious!"
Gollum runs off into the sunset.
PJ: wait! wait! that was great! come back!


THE END - the ka
smilies/biggrin.gif smilies/biggrin.gif

[Arothir]

whoa! A compliment! Who figured? Anyway, scene in FR where Gandalf says to Frodo,"Is is it secret? Is it safe?"

Frodo: How'd you get in here?

Gandalf: Never mind that. You are in grave danger!

Frodo: Uhh! I can't listen to you! This is a major invasion of privacy! I'm gonna call the Shirrifs.

Gandalf: NOOOO!

[ September 25, 2003: Message edited by: Arothir ]

[Anything but Arwen]

"Legolas, what do your elf eyes see?"

"Nothing, you fool, you lost my contact lenses..."

Sorry...that line just bugs me..

[Anything but Arwen]

Also, I can just see Faramir, when taking the hobbitses to Osgiliath,and Frodo says "Let me go", him stopping and saying...

"Let me think about that...ummm....no."

[ October 12, 2003: Message edited by: Anything but Arwen ]

[Pennthangeil]

I this has always bothered me.

Elrond: There is only one choice t-

Aragorn: but then it isint a choice.

Elrond: Yes it is. Theres one of them.

Aragorn: but thats not a choice. A choice means you can have more than one.

Elrond: Well not this time.

Aragorn: Bu-

Elrond: Shutup- Where was i..ah,,there is only ONE choice..

Oh and Leo...your Avatar is Kurt Cobain..

[ October 15, 2003: Message edited by: Pennthangeil ]

[Anything but Arwen]

Autumn, thats cheating. But wheres the pic from? EH? EH? Answer that, and you'll be the first to get a siggy sticker...

[Miriel Undomiel]

I loved that Sam-Frodo-gollum-conies-thing!
Amazing!!! But I got one!!
On the bridge of Kazad-dum(?) when the balrog chase the fellowship:

Gandalv: You shall not pass!!
Balrog: Hu? I cant come over to you?
Gandalv: I am the seacret servant..(etc.) the valar(? something) vil not avail you(?) You shall not pass!!!
Balrog: I just wanted to see who the visitors were! Hey! What are you kicking me down for? I did'nt do a thing to you!
(He starts faling)
Balrog: *roar* If I'm going, your coming with me!!!

The moral: just because someone looks evil, and was made by an evil valar, does'nt mean he/she/it is evil! smilies/frown.gif poor balrog!! NOT smilies/evil.gif

[Vladivos the Rider]

Gondorian soldier to Faramir; (this isn't an exact quote but something along these lines..)

"Lord, if you let them go your life will be forfeit!"
"It will?"
"Yes"
"Ah. Well you see that raises the question; my life, or enslavement of Middle Earth."
"It does indeed, milord."
"Now where did I build that prison...."
"Over there, milord."

No, of course I wouldn't want it to be re-written like that. I just have a habit of picking apart scripts.

I've never been able to get this out of my head, either;

"There is a fell voice on the air!"
"Really? I thought it was rather pleasent, myself."

[ October 16, 2003: Message edited by: Vladivos the Rider ]

[dragoneyes]

You've all given me ideas and have sparked my imagination.

In Moria...
Gandalf: You shall not pass!
Balrog: Actually, with my enlarged size and beautifully crafted wings, I rekon I could leap and glide clear over your head!

In Osgilliath...
Bloke: Lord, if you let them go your life will be forfeit!
Faramir: ah well, that's a different story then. To Gondor with you!

In a field in the Shire...
Farmer Maggot:*waves scythe around* Oy you! Come back here!
*Hobbits run and fall down the cliff*
*Farmer Maggot gets to the top of the cliff and stares down at them*
Farmer Maggot: Oh come on! I only wanted to give you a basket of mushrooms!

I though I was going to have more than that. Oh well!

[Oddwen]

Leggy: There is a fell voice on the air!
Gandalf: Well, now there is!

Boromir: We cannot stay here! This will be the death of the hobbbmlllts!
Merry: Thanks, Boromir, it's nice to know that you care!
Boromir: No, I said "Death of Me", only I sneezed.

[Vladivos the Rider]

Gollum: my...precioussss
Isiludur: It is...precious to me
Bilbo: It's mine! My own! My precious!


Now which of these would you say is the rudest.... smilies/wink.gif

[ElentariGreenleaf]

In Helm's Deep:
Gimli: You'll have to toss me. But DON'T TELL THE ELF.
Legolas: I have a name...
Gimli: Do you think he heard?

*ducks as many tomatoes are thrown* Ok. That sucked. I'll try harder...

Minas Tirith:
Faramir: My Lord, Osiligath is over run.
Denethor: Then why did you take the hobbits there? Oh look, many enemies. Let's just go over to them with the hobbit who carries the ring... You don't even take them there in the book!


Gandalf: The board is set, the pieces are moving
Aragorn: Why do you keep comparing us to a game?
Ganalf: What does your heart tell you?
Aragorn: Hey... that's MY line!


I'm not taking random phrases from the trailer... nooo.. never...

Gandalf: How do we know Frodo is alive?
Aragorn: It says in the script... see, just here *shows gandalf*


Sam: He means to murder us.
Frodo: I know. But I'm still not sending him away. I'm going to let him lead me into a trap, which will force you to take the ring, then you'll give it back to me. So Gollum's plot is quite useless really.

Aragorn: I see in you, the same fear that would take the heart of me.
Bloke #1: Hey, I'm not afraid.
Bloke #2: Yeah, who say's we're afraid? You're not king yet!
Bloke #1: You tell him!
Aragorn: What did I do to diserve this? I'll be in my trailer.


Those were all tomato worthy. Meh.

[Kalimac]

Vladivos - in all seriousness, that dialogue has always bothered me (well, the whole SCENE in Osgiliath annoys me, but that bit more than usual). Shouldn't Faramir's men put up more of a fight? This is their beloved fearless leader etc etc etc, and basically the reaction to his calm announcement that yes, he'll probably soon be dead should call for more of a reaction. Maybe something along the lines of...

"Are you insane? The best leader we have, when we're already hopelessly outnumbered and fighting for our very existence? All for two little twerps who had no business being where they were and who've given you absolutely no reason to believe that the Ring would be safer with them than with any random highwayman? Faramir, please, listen to me. You need help."

OK, not like that. But you have to admit that it's hard to see where Faramir's confidence in movie-Frodo comes from. He looks like he could barely walk twenty feet, let alone get into Mordor.

[Nilpaurion Felagund]

Something from the books(I know it doesn't belong here, but where else do I put it?)

Witch King: Thou fool! No living man may hinder me!

Eowyn: Hahaha! But no living man am I! I'm dead!

Witch King: *jaws drop* I'm fighting with a dead person?

Eowyn: Yup.

Witch King: This is silly. After you change the script look for me at my trailer.

Yours, if you want to smilies/tongue.gif
->The True Son of Finrod, and of Amarië the Vanyar

[Lhunardawen]

Aragorn: Legolas! What do your elf-eyes see?

Legolas: What elf-eyes? These are made in Taiwan!

[ October 31, 2003: Message edited by: Lhunardawen ]

[Lhunardawen]

I have always loved the chapter "The Steward and the King" because I loved reading about how Faramir and Eowyn's love story blossomed. But when my mind suffers from
flamethrower attacks, I mess up even my most favorite parts. smilies/biggrin.gif

In the garden of the Houses of Healing...

Faramir: What do you wish? If it is in my power, I would do it.

Eowyn: I would have you steal the flamethrower from Denethor.


smilies/rolleyes.gif smilies/rolleyes.gif smilies/rolleyes.gif

[Lhunardawen]

Oh wait! Here's another part I liked, the one where Merry became Theoden's esquire.

Merry: As a father you shall be to me.

Theoden: I am too tall to have a son like you, halfling!

[Arothir]

Here's a Monty Python and the Holy Grail one.
Faramir has two guys guarding Frodo.

Faramir: Don't let him out of your sight until I come and get him.

Guard: Let him out of my sight until you get him.

Faramir: No, don't let him out of your sight until I come and get him.

Guard: He's not to leave the room unless he has to.

Faramir: this is gonna take all day!

[Ancalagon_the_Black]

How coincidental! I was about to post a it of Monty Python myself... Anyway, here it is:

(NOTE: I didn't come up with this myself, but thought you'd all enjoy it. Other things of my own later.)


Monty Python and the Quest for the Ring of Power

[KING ARAGORN music]
[The Knights approach castle and call out to those on the wall]
ARAGORN: Halt!
[horn]
Hallo!
[pause]
Hallo!
THE MOUTH OF SAURON: [With a French accent, apparently used by the Orcs]
Allo! Who is eet?
ARAGORN: It is King Aragorn, and these are my Knights of Minas Tirith.
Whose castle is this?
THE MOUTH OF SAURON: This is the castle of my master, Sauron.
ARAGORN: [Apparently not understanding the name beneath the heavy accent
the Orc uses...] Go and tell your master that we have been charged by Iluvatar
with a sacred quest. If he will give us food and shelter for the night,
he can join us in our quest for the Ring of Power.
THE MOUTH OF SAURON: Well, I'll ask him, but I don't think he'll be
very keen. Uh, he's already got one, you see.
ARAGORN: What?
SIR GANDALF: He says they've already got one!
ARAGORN: Are you sure he's got one?
MOUTH: Oh, yes. It's very nice-a. [To Grishnakh:] I told him we
already got one. [Both laugh]
ORCS: [chuckling]
ARAGORN: Well, u-- um, can we come up and have a look?
MOUTH: Of course not! You are Men types-a!
ARAGORN: Well, what are you, then?
MOUTH: I'm an Orque! Why do think I have this outrageous accent, you
silly King-a?!
SIR LEGOLAS: What are you doing in Gondor?
MOUTH: Mind your own business!
ARAGORN: If you will not show us the Ring, we shall take your castle by
force!
MOUTH: You don't frighten us, Gondorian pig-dogs! Go and boil your
bottom, sons of a silly person. I blow my nose at you, so-called Aragorn King,
you and all your silly Gondorian k-nnnnniggets. Thpppppt! Thppt! Thppt!
SIR GIMLI: What a strange person.
ARAGORN: Now look here, my good man--
MOUTH: I don't wanna talk to you no more, you empty headed animal
food trough wiper! I fart in your general direction! Your mother was a hamster
and your father smelt of elderberries!
SIR MERRY: [After a pause] Is there someone else up there we could talk
to?
MOUTH: No. Now, go away, or I shall taunt you a second time-a! [sniff]
ARAGORN: Now, this is your last chance. I've been more than reasonable.
MOUTH: [Indistinguishable Orc talk]
OTHER ORQUE: What?
MOUTH: [Indistinguishable Orc talk]
ARAGORN: If you do not agree to my commands, then I shall-
[A cow is launched over the wall at them]
ARAGORN: Right! Charge!
KNIGHTS: Charge!
[mayhem]
ARAGORN: Run away!
KNIGHTS: Run away!
MOUTH OF SAURON: Thppppt!
ORQUES: [taunting]
GIMLI: Fiends! I'll tear them apart!
ARAGORN: No, no. No, no.
SIR EOMER: Sir! I have a plan, sir.
.....

[Vladivos the Rider]

Kalimac, yes exactly. And if it was Faramir who captured them, then why would he have to be killed for letting them go.....*confused*

Gandalf; a wizard is never late. Nor is he early. He arrives exactly when he....
Hobbit; Do you mind starting the fireworks?
Gandalf; WHEN HE means to.
Hobbit; That's all very well, but the party was last week.

Argh, I'm so bad at this.

Gimli; soon, friend Elf, you will enjoy the famed hospotality of the dwarves! Malt beer...red meat off the bone...
Legolas; isn't that what that rabbit we caught last night was..?

[Arothir]

Sam: By rights we shouldn't even be here Mr. Frodo. According to this map, we should be here right now...
Sam pulls out a huge map, whacking Frodo, and indicating a tiny dot.
Faramir: I think at last we understand each other... we should be in Minas Tirith, not Osgiliath. Now we must fold up the map...

[Amaris Ethne]

This isn't really a rewrite, it's something my fiancee said once...when Treebeard finds the woods that has been burned, yells, and then the other Ents come out to join him I always think

"Great, now you've done it. How many times do I have to tell you; DON'T P-OFF THE WALKING TREES!!!!!!"

[Nimrothiel]

Hee hee, I've got another Monty Python one.

*Mt. Doom, Frodo and Sam are at the Cracks of Doom*

Frodo: "Now, what was I supposed to do with this Ring again? Sam, consult the text of the book "Return of the King."

Sam: "Pull the unholy Ring of Power off thy finger, and count to three. Thou shalt not count more nor less than three, but three only. Two thou shalt not count, unless thou proceedeth directly onto three. Five is right out. The number three being counted, and the number counted being three, throw thy unholy Ring of Power into the Crack of Doom, and Sauron thy foe shall snuff it."

Frodo: "Right, then."

*pulls Ring off finger*

Frodo: "One, two, five!"

Sam: "Three, Mr. Frodo!"

Frodo: "Three!"

*throws Ring; huge explosion occurs*

*Merry and Pippin appear with smudged faces*

Merry: "Wow, that was good."

Pippin: "Let's do another!"

[LePetitChoux]

This is just a slight resemblance I see.
When the gang is in Moria, the Orques (to use your term, Ancalagon_the_Black) are knocking down the door with axes, I get a premonition of one of the orcs peering through the hole he just created and going "Heeeeeeeere's Johnnnny!"

Also, after the whole Gunpowder sequence in TTT I get a vision of Saruman saying (in beautiful cockney) "You were only supposed to blow the ruddy doors off!"

smilies/smile.gif

[Arathiriel]

You know in the Council of Elrond scene, where Merry and Pippin come in and Pippin says "You'll need people of intelligent on this mission....quest....thing..." and Merry says "Well that rules you out, Pip!"

Well if you'll notice Gandalf rolls his eyes and I have always expected him to say out loud "Valar, help us!"

Also later in Moria where the Balrog roars in his face I expect him to produce a roll of mints and say "Bad breathe! Here have one of my winterfresh green mints! You'll feel better if you do!"

[Nimrothiel]

Lol, "Valar, help us!" Hehehehe. smilies/biggrin.gif

[Rose Cotton]

(NOTE: I didn't come up with this myself, but thought you'd all enjoy it. Other things of my own later.)

That was really funny! Where did you find that Ancalagon_the_Black ?

[Sapphire_Flame]

Ancalagon, Nimrothiel, those are the funniest things I've ever read in my life! smilies/biggrin.gif Pure genius!

Here's a few:

Mouth: You guys better watch you backs. I eat pieces of scum like you for breakfast.

Aragorn: *snork* You eat scum for breakfast? You're so *STUPID*, Mouth!

Mouth: *whimpers* I'm not stupid, you're stupid; I'm....sensitive...

~*~*~*~*

Legolas: There is a fell voice on the air!

Fell Voice: Mwehehehehehehehehehehehehehe...

Gandalf: It's Saruman! I'd know that creepy cackle anywhere!

~*~*~*~*

I'll return with more later...

Abedithon le,

~*~Aranel~*~

[Arwen Evenstar]

(ROFWL) That was great, Ancalagon_the_Black!!!
I know, this is kinda lame, but it makes me laugh every time I think about it.
(In Orthanc Saruman is making explosive bomb thingy)
Grima Wormtongue holding torch: What sort of device can undo stone? (sorry, I forgot what his line was)
Wormtongue gets to close and BOOOOOM!!!!! Orthanc and all of Isengard blows up, including all of Saruman`s army.
Pippin with Treebeard and Merry: Look! There`s smoke to the south!
Theoden: Where is this so called army Aragorn?

smilies/smile.gif smilies/evil.gif smilies/wink.gif smilies/rolleyes.gif

[Nilpaurion Felagund]

Another one from the book...

Frodo: Go back! Go back to the Land of Mordor, and follow me no more!"
Black Riders: Come back! Come back! To Mordor we will take you!
Frodo: I'm warning you...I am Elijah Wood...and I have a billion fangirls waiting to mutilate your undead body if you touch me.
Black Riders: The Ring! The Ring!
Frodo: OK, you asked for it...*puts on Ring, claims it for himself* (loud voice) I command you to go back to Mordor, and poke your Master in the Eye!
Black Riders: No! No! Anything but that! *rushes away*
*background: one loud "Ouch!" followed by the shriek of the Nazgul being tortured*

Later days! smilies/cool.gif
->Elenrod

[Lhunardawen]

Aragorn: What do you fear, my lady?
Eowyn: Look into the mirror...

Galadriel: Will you look into the mirror?
Frodo: Yeah, I know. I'm cute.

Galadriel: Will you look into the mirror?
Frodo: What will I see?
Galadriel: Even the wisest cannot tell.
(Frodo looks into the mirror)
Frodo: Nooooo! I look just like Aragorn!

Don't ask me why, I just had a sudden interest in mirrors. smilies/biggrin.gif

[Lindril Arvilya]

Frodo: Nooooo! I look just like Aragorn!

AAAHHHHH!

Lindril (every hobbit's nightmare) Arvilya