Nazgúl Hobbies!

[Elróthiel]

What if the Ringwraiths had hobbies?
What would they do? Apart from killing, hissing, riding horses and weird dragony things, and working for Sauron, what do YOU think they would do on their time off?
Play video games? Build a soapbox derby racer? Practise ballet?
Please post and say! You can give them names as well if you want!
Namárie!
From
Elróthiel, the Insane Elven Goddess of Hilariosity and Laughter!

[Lady_Galadriel]

Ha ha! I can just see the Ringwraiths doing ballet!!! lol!!!
smilies/biggrin.gif

I think they would play chess!!! And chat in Evil chat rooms!!! I can just picture a nazgul sitting at a computer and all!!! lol! smilies/biggrin.gif smilies/smile.gif smilies/tongue.gif

[Anything but Arwen]

Oi! Nat! I thought this up first! Strange hobbies the fellowship might have...but it included all, including orcs, playing baseball and spin the bottle...buuut...as its you...

Sauron: Singing along to Briteny Spears. Or on the other (much cooler) extreme, Nirvana. (See Saurons Last Words thread)

Morgoth: Singing Madonna. (also see Saurons last words)

Nazgul: Girlie sleepovers. Make up. Pillow fights.

Heh. Its fun to be evil.
smilies/evil.gif

Edit: Whoops. Many, many typos...
smilies/rolleyes.gif

[ September 11, 2003: Message edited by: Anything but Arwen ]

[ElenCala Isil]

They would help play exotic bird bingo of course. smilies/biggrin.gif (cred to Lëo for that)

They might play truth or dare.

Nazgûl #1: You, #5 truth or dare?

#5: Dare

#1: Walk up to that fire.

#5: curse you. *walks up to fire and comes back quickly*

#5: Okay, #9 truth or dare.

#9: truth.

*murmered voices could be heard saying "chicken"*

#5: Does Sauron really have pink fuzzy bunny slippers?

#9: I pormised not to tell!

#5: You picked truth.

*screams YES and runs away quickly*

[Daisy Brambleburr]

They'd play cards and have screaming contests.

[QuickSlash]

Well, this isn't entirely a hobby, but I think they'd sleep a lot. Wouldn't you get tired after all that riding and screaming? And maybe... they yodeled. smilies/biggrin.gif Chasing hobbits, sleeping, then yodeling. There's a mighty fine Nazgul.

[Elennar Starfire]

I think they would listen to Good Charlotte.

Why? Well, black riders are sort of 'goth', I have a friend who is goth, this friend is completely obsessed with GC.
yeah, smilies/rolleyes.gif I know.

[GaladrieloftheOlden]

I'm obsessed wth GC. I am not goth. Does not follow... GC's punk. Not goth. ^_^

They'd do the wave and watch sitcoms. smilies/rolleyes.gif

-Menelien

[Alphaelin]

Hmmm, Nazgul hobbies....

There are nine of them, so they'd play pick-up games of softball against the Orcs.

Or maybe they'd get together once a week and play poker and have beer and potato chips.

[Anything but Arwen]

And maybe... they yodeled.

Aggggh!! NOOO! BOROMIR IS THE YODELLER! AAGGGH! *screams*

[Amarantha_Daisy]

Or maybe they'd get together once a week and play poker and have beer and potato chips.

smilies/biggrin.gif I can see that! Or maybe they'd play Go Fish, since Poker might be a bit too harsh for them smilies/wink.gif

"Hey #3, got any kings?"

"Nah, #8, go fish"

"*picks up card* Ooo! I picked up a king!"

"Did not! Cheater!" *girly slap*

"Eeeeeeek! Pillow fight!"

*giggling and feather ensue*

[Mithisilien]

I think they'd get together and sew. Or maybe crochet. Sauron needs his pretty clothes, after all.

[Catherine]

I think that they would all pamper each other. Do each others nails, dress up, and other girlie things like that. THey would have girl talks and stuff like that lol.

[Elwen_starmaiden]

Nazgul: Girlie sleepovers. Make up. Pillow fights.
#1:Omg, isn't Aragorn like soo hot!

#4: Like for sure!

#7:I don't know, I think Frodo's kind of cute.

#5: Forget Frodo, what about that elf Legolas!

#6 Omg, he is like to die for!

#1 Like totally!

#7: I heard that #9 likes Gimli!

#'s 1-8 all scream their Nazgul screams

#9: Guys you are like soo mean! *runs and locks themself in the bathroom to cry*

#1: Must be that time of the month. smilies/wink.gif

[elfearz1]

#1:Omg, isn't Aragorn like soo hot!
#4: Like for sure!
#7:I don't know, I think Frodo's kind of cute.
#5: Forget Frodo, what about that elf Legolas!
#6 Omg, he is like to die for!
*shudder*


Here's another truth or dare scenario:
#2: ok I pick...#4
#4: uh...truth, no dare no truth!
#2: ok,what's something that you have never told anyone or only one Nagul
#4: no, dare!
#2: too late!
#4: ok fine, one time I accidently called Sauron "Aragorn"
#8: Nuh-uh! That's not your embarassing story
#4:Shut up!
All: tell us! tell us!
#4: OK! OK! I still sleep with teddy bears! *hangs head in shame*

[ September 13, 2003: Message edited by: elfearz1 ]

[Azaelia of Willowbottom]

I imagine they all go out to their favorite bar in Mordor and have drinking contests or just sitting around with beers and talking. smilies/wink.gif

[elvenstar]

perhaps they could be a linkin park style band- i mean the screaming and hissing would be good practice

Nazgul #1- I wont be ignooooooooorrrred!

i can actually see them playing their guitars then tripping over their cloaks and crashing into the drums or something like that!

[Elróthiel]

Hey guys!
Dudes! I like your ideas! They're all good! So funny!
I love yours Leo! I can just imagine them trying to be His Royal Kurtiness, and failing with flying colors simply because they just aren't cool enough! Hehehe!
I somehow think they'd want hair so they could grow it, dye it blond, and then get blue contacts! LOL! smilies/biggrin.gif smilies/cool.gif
They'd never manage!
Anyhoo, I bet they'd also like to have.... my NEW ROCK BOOTS!!!!! YA!!!
Mmmmhmmm!
How bout another idea?
Hmmmmmmmmmmmm
mmmmmmmmm
mmmm
I KNOW!!! They'd all get together for a slumber party, and they'd all watch Scream 1, 2, and 3, and Scary Movie 1, 2, and 3! Then, because they'd all want to be even scarier, they'd all go out and buy hockey masks and melt them, and whenever they went out to catch Frodo or just someone who annoys them, they'd wear them!!!!!

I can also see them all trying to go swimming and all you can see of them are pairs of swimming trunks! LOL!

........... depressed now. Gotta go.
I love you all! I love you all!
From
Elróthiel, the Insane (and I mean it!) Elven Goddess of Hilariosity (kinda) and Laughter (I like laughing!) Who Sees the Corruption of the World Today!

[Daewen]

Hmmm....let's see here. Nazgul hobbies...

Nazgul #1- An avid comic book reader and big fan of the X-men seires. His hero is Wolvarine, which is why he made all the other Nazgul wear those funky metal gloves, because they look sort of like Wolvarines magic knuckles.

Nazgul #2- Enjoys playing soccer and has a crush on star midfielded formerly of Manchester United and now of Real Madrid, the gorgeous David Beckham. Her room back in Barad-Dur is full of Beckham posters and soccer memorabilia. In fact, she has an autographed Beckham jersey underneath her black robes. And speaking of those robes...

Nazgul #3- Yup, those robes are Nazgul #3's fault. After the death of his beloved poodle Herbert, Nazgul #3 insisted that if they all had to wear the metal gloves just because Nazgul #1 said so, then they all should wear black robes to mourn the death of his puppy. Obviously he hasn't quite gotten over Herberts death as they're all still wearing the robes...

Nazgul #4- A major surfer dudette. In her spare time, Nazgul #4 listens to the old Beach Boys albums on a record player and waxes her board. Sadly, she can't surf because obviously there are no waves in Mordor. You remember that Nazgul on the dragon in TTT? Well that was her, flying accross Middle Earth, in search of the perfect wave...

Nazgul #5- He enjoys poetry, ballet, clothes shopping, and watching his favorite show, Queer Eye for the Straight Guy. He has a crush on Carson Kressley...

Nazgul #6- Underneath those big black robes, our dear Nazgul #6 sports a full blown mullett. He loves listening to Madonna, Tina Turner, Def Leopard, and other various 80's hair bands. Much to Nazgul #5's dismany, his clothing style is very 80's as well...You know what that means. Those really ugly short shorts that came up to the middle of a guys thigh, ugly striped sweaters or hideous vests...eeew! HELP! SOMEBODY CALL CARSON!!!

Nazgul #7- Anti-social and a writer. In her spare time Nazgul #7 writes far out fantasy stories about about lands where all the people in power are stupid, because they have access to wonderful technowledgy and instead of using it to aid their people, they want to use it to destroy the people in other lands and ignore all protests of more intellegent indiciduals. Also, it is legal for women to kill their children while they remain in their womb and yet to men or two women cannot marry one another. They seem to support death and discourage love. Like that would ever happen right? Right? Right?

Nazgul #8- A real party animal, Nazgul #8 is the most popular of all the other Nazgul. Being an evil minion of the dark lord is only a starter job for her, because she wants to be an entertainer. She's somewhat clumsy, and keeps tripping over those metal toed boots. And speaking of the boots...

Nazgul #9- Yippie tye, yie, yo, get along little Nazgul, it's your misfortune and none of my own, yippie tye, yie, yo, get along little Nazgul, for you know that Mordor's gonna be your new home. Yup, Nazgul #9 is a cowboy, born and bred. He missed his home a lot, and so he asked if they could all wear bright red cowboy boots with their outfits. However, Nazgul #5 insisted that red clashed horribly with the gothic/chrome look they had going on, so they compromised on shiny metel cowboy boots.


***ok, I had to edit this just to tell you that I know that all the Nazgul are guys, but I'm using my artistic liscense here, ok? So don't go yelling at me telling me there are no girls. I know that...***

[ September 16, 2003: Message edited by: Daewen ]

[One Axe to Rule them All]

A PEEK INTO THE LIVES OF THE NAZGUL


Monday- Watch Days of our Lives, go to the store and get more lipstick. Sienfield is on tonight, might go to mall later.

Tuesday- Get to chase hobbits today smilies/evil.gif
Need to tape Days of our Lives, gotta check our E-mails too.

Wendesday- Have to give weekly buisness report to Sauron, might miss Seinfield again.

Thursday- We've got to seige osgiliath today smilies/frown.gif that means one thing, SADDLE SORES.
my bones are gonna have blisters for a week!
might make it home in time for Seinfield if Gandalf doesn't show.

Friday- Gandalf showed up, it hurt, We're very sore, Sauron says we have to go back monday. Only consolation is that it wasn't a Re-run on Days of our Lives.

Saturday- We've got Yoga this morning, ah, good old yoga. then we can go to the mall and scare little hobbits! smilies/evil.gif

Sunday- Gotta go to the drugstore at 11:30!!
#3 ran out of asthma medication again!
maybe we can go Hobbit-hunting, or play whack-a-dwarf, still medicating those blisters.

[ September 17, 2003: Message edited by: One Axe to Rule them All ]

[Anything but Arwen]

Er, Nat, has Skippy seen this yet?!

[The Squatter of Amon Rûdh]

We don't know much about the Nazgûl, but one has a name that clearly indicates his hobby: Khamûl the Black Easterling.

Obviously he must have spent a lot of time around muck, and so it's no surprise that in a recently discovered letter Tolkien reveals that he used to run a miniature steam railway. All of that grease, soot and coal dust used to stain him as black as the ace of spades by the end of a day's steaming, but he kept it up just for the smiles on the orclings' faces. This might also explain the black robes. How can we be sure that they were originally black? After all, nobody really got close enough to Khamûl to be able to tell whether that was dye or a complicated patchwork of oil stains. The clue to this lies in a footnote in The History of Middle-Earth vol XIV, in which it is revealed that Khamûl was originally known as 'The Paisley Easterling' before he took up with Sauron.

The Witch-King, on the other hand, prefers the rather cleaner hobby of collecting commemorative spoons. In a lofty garret in Minas Morgul that he uses as a study there is a rack of silver-plated cutlery bearing messages such as "I dropped in to the Fall of Gondolin museum" and "Barad Dûr gift shop (all purchases compulsory)". Such is the terrible private face of evil.

[The Saucepan Man]

smilies/biggrin.gif Squatter, I take my hat off to you. smilies/biggrin.gif

Did Khamûl perhaps once work on the Great Westron Railway? Or was that his mate, the Great Westerling? smilies/wink.gif

[Who in all Felturn is that?]

Aren't the Naz'gul BOYS
I don't think that boys would do that stuff

[Elwen_starmaiden]

Its just a joke, hint the title of this area, Middle-earth Mirth?

[The Squatter of Amon Rûdh]

Did Khamûl perhaps once work on the Great Westron Railway? Or was that his mate, the Great Westerling? I believe it was the latter. According to a commentary in the aforementioned volume of the History, one of Khamûl's early jobs for Sauron was the formation of the Lugbúrz, Morgul and Sammath Railway for the transportation of slag to newly conquered regions. In a note scribbled on an old Adnams beer mat, Tolkien remarks "He ventured not into the West, where the gauges were strange."

[ September 19, 2003: Message edited by: The Squatter of Amon Rûdh ]

[The Saucepan Man]

Nazgul number nine, of course, was a radical peace activist in his younger days. He is, perhaps, best known for staging a "bed-in" in Dol Guldor in protest at the War against the Last Alliance of Elves and Men. Also at that time, he could often be found organising demonstrations on the Plateau of Gorgoroth, reciting bohemian Elvish poetry and placing flowers into the mouths of his colleagues' fell beasts.

Unfortunately, the lure of riding around Middle-earth scaring things ultimately became too much for him and he ended up becoming part of the system that he himself once so passionately protested about. But, it was the radical activities of his youth which inspired the penultimate track of the Beatles' White (City) Album, written in his honour.

[Elróthiel]

YAY! Everyone's doing so well! I love everyone's ideas! They're so funny! I hope that this thread goes on and on and on for all eternity! I can just imagine in 10 years, when I'm a famous rock star, and people will still come on to this thread and post! And people won't even know its "the lead singer of "insert rock band name here"! To everyone who posts, I'll just be Elróthiel, the Insane Elven Goddess of Hilariosity and Laughter! Not whatever my name will really be in 10 years! SCARY!!
I mean, there could be a celebrity online at this very moment, reading this thread, and we don't even know that its a celebrity!
Anyhoo, back to topic! Don't want the BW to get annoyed at me now do I!
I have decided that if you want the Nazgúl to be girls and have girly hobbies, then you can. We don't really know whether or not one of them was female! We never even SAW their faces, so how do we know? Even if it does say, "they were once great Kings" how do we know that one wasn't actually male, but dressed as a male so that she could become King? *insert Dun Dun Dunnnnn music here*
I'm rambling, so I'm gonna go and listen to the legendary lyrics of His Royal Kurtiness!
*sings* ... Come, as you are, as you were, as I want you to be, as a friend, as a friend, as an old enemy. Take your time, hurry up, choice is yours, don't be late, take a rest, as a friend, as an old memoriiiiiiia, memoriiiiiiiia, memoriiiiiia......... *carries on singing, but fades off as the computer goes offline*

Namárie!
From
Elróthiel, the Insane Elven Goddess of Hilariosity and Laughter Who LOVES Nirvana!

[Aduyuldaiel-MirkwoodPrincess]

woah, for REAL...thats SO CRAZY!! haha i could see alot of stuff happening between them that most people couldnt...and yall named a few of my ideas smilies/tongue.gif i could see KEREOKIE NIGHT for them...and maybe even art lessons. BINGO NIGHT for the elderly (which would be all of them) nazgul...


#1 I GET TO CALL THE NUMBERS TONIGHT!

#2 no...its my turn #1...

#1 LIAR

#2 even bigger liar

#1 LIAR LIAR

#2 LIAR LIAR LIAR

#1 go to mordor... smilies/evil.gif

[Airerûthiel]

KNITTING!!!

Seriously, can't you just see all these Nazgûl sitting around making themselves woolly sweaters and scarves and cardigans in case there's a cold spell?

#1: #3, go and get me some more wool!
#3: I got the wool last time! Don't make me leave now, I just finished that sleeve!
#7: Knit one purl one, knit one purl one...

[Vladivos the Rider]

This is kinda stupid but the first thing that came into my head reading the title 'Nazgul hobbies' was a Nagual furiously chasing a boy scout/army cadet into a river. Or some such thought. They'd never try anyting less than their best at stealth exercises again with THAT after them.... smilies/evil.gif
Please bear in mind that (being as I AM a Venturescout) that no offence WHATSOEVER is meant to either scouts or army cadets!

[Elróthiel]

Nice one Vladivos! DEATH TO BOY AND GIRL SCOUTS!!!!! NEHAWAHAAHAAAA!!! smilies/evil.gif smilies/evil.gif smilies/evil.gif
Here's another for inspiration:
The Nazgúl dress up and re-enact scenes from Pirates of the Caribbean! Can you just see one of them dressed up like Cap'n Jack!!
smilies/biggrin.gif
Namárie!
From
Elróthiel, the Insane Elven Goddess of Hilariosity and Laughter!
PS: NIRVANA ROCK!!!

[Elróthiel]

Wow! I haven't been here in a while! Anybob!
Time to revive this topic! Its on page (horror of horrors!) 3!!
So... how about if... in their spare time...
The Nazgúl like to teach classes of Mary-Sues how to be evil!!! DUN DUN DUNNNN!! smilies/biggrin.gif

OR!
Maybe they're actually rock fans, and in their spare time they like to listen to Nirvana and HIM! I'll bet at least ONE of them HAS to "bat for the other team" and likes either Kurt Cobain or Ville Valo... or both! They ARE both VERY sexy... LONG LIVE KURT COBAIN!! And MAY VILLE VALO SPREAD THE LOVE METAL EVERYWHERE!!!

Ok.... not to go off topic.... The Nazgúl ALSO like to write wishfics in little notebooks about what they would do if THEY were Sauron....
Nazgúl #5(aka Bob): Hehehe! smilies/evil.gif *writes* ...and then the evil white rabbits hopped over to Gondor and with their wonderful hopping tactics, managed to take out ALL 7 levels of Minas Tirith!!...
smilies/biggrin.gif smilies/biggrin.gif smilies/biggrin.gif
Ja ne!
Namárie!
From
Elróthiel, the Insane Elven Goddess of Hilariosity and Laughter!
PS: NIRVANA AND VILLE VALO ROCK!!!!!!! smilies/cool.gif

[Kransha]

The primary Nazgul Hobby
Secret Nazgul Meetings (The OTHER 8 Nazgul)

Nazgul Bob: Ok, just because the Witch-King is the only recognizable one of us, doesn't mean we others don't have individuality. We're all unique and special in our own way!

Nazgul Joe: Yeah, Bob, special.

*Nazgul Mary and Nazgul Sue giggle stupidly*

Nazgul Bob: Shut up. We've come together to work out how we act as individuals. I'm obviously the leader and I don't think anyone will disagree.

Nazgul Larry: Uhhh...Bob. George is the leader. That's why they call him the Witch King.

Nazgul Bob: Well...I'm the leader of the eight of us. George is living in his own little world.

Nazgul Larry: We all live in the same place. Minas Morgul.

Nazgul Willie: Which brings us to our next point. THE RENAMING OF MINAS MORGUL!

Nazgul Tom: Do you really think it should be renamed?

Nazgul Joe: I certainly don't!

Nazgul Cow: Mooooooo

Nazguls Mary and Sue: We should name it MINAS BUNNY! That's soooooo cute.

Nazgul Larry: Let's keep it linguistically accurate. How about Minas Guruthos? That means death in Sindarin!

Nazgul Wllie: Something cool...like Minas Doom!

Nazgul Larry: Ahem...taken.

Nazgul Cow: Mooooooooooo

Nazgul Tom: I don't care what you call it.

Nazgul Cow: MOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! MINAS BOVINE!

[zb]

It's a little-known fact that the Nazgul were really very community-minded. #3 worked in a soup-kitchen. #s 5 and 7 ran classes at the local adult education centre, helping Mary Sue fanfic characters gain a personality. #2 was on the board of a shelter for abandoned horses. #4 volunteered for the Keep Mordor Beautiful Society, doing cleanups after bands of orcs had trashed the place. #1 and #8 spent a lot of time writing letters to their local members of parliament, trying to get funding for local schools and public playgrounds.

The only exception to this spirit of community mindedness was #6 who was a cow and spent most of his spare time eating grass.

[Kransha]

Back to the Meeting!

Nazgul Bob: Ok, the last meeting didn't go so hot.

Nazgul Willie: Don't say "hot" please.

Nazgul Bob: Fine. Today's meeting; A Discussion of the "FELLBEAST OR HORSE" Petition. Someone get the ball rolling.

Nazgul Larry: Fellbeasts

Nazgul Joe: Fellbeasts

Nazgul Tom: Fellbeasts

Nazgul Willie: Fellbeasts

Nazguls Mary and Sue: BUNNIES!

Nazgul Bob: Fellbeasts it is. Next issue, Gorgoroth National Park clean-up. That plateau is just swimming with recyclable materials.

Nazgul Tom: Like what?

Nazgul Joe: Severed heads.

Nazgul Willie: Mmmm...dinner

Nazgul Mary and Sue: Ewwwww *followed by giggles*

Nazgul Larry: Get Gothmog to do it.

Nazgul Tom: Or that mouth guy.

Nazgul Larry: You mean the Mouth of Sauron.

Nazgul Tom: Yeah, yeah, the guy who can't afford Listerine.

Nazgul Willie: Let's not get off topic.

Nazgul Mary and Sue: Whatever happened to the ear of Sauron.

Nazgul Larry: Melkor forgot that when handing out fiery lidless body parts.

Nazgul Mary and Sue: and nose.

Nazgul Larry: He might've had a nose once, but who once to smell orc-flesh all day long. I tell ya, Barad-dur stinks like a week old sock.

Nazgul Willie: Sauron wears socks?

Nazgul Tom: I would assume.

Nazgul Willie: Underwear?

Nazgul Mary and Sue: Sauron: Boxers or Briefs

Nazgul Bob: Ok, NO ONE wants to discuss Sauron's underwear.

Nazgul Cow: MOOOOOOO!

[The Squatter of Amon Rûdh]

The only exception to this spirit of community mindedness was #6 who was a cow and spent most of his spare time eating grass.Giving rise to a common misconception that the Nazgûl had formed a ragtime jazz combo. In fact the allusion to 'the horns of the Nazgûl' in an obscure footnote to Letter #360 refers directly to those of Daisy, the Black Jersey.

During 1943, Tolkien toyed briefly with the idea of making all of the Nazgûl into cattle: the Witch-king was to be a large Frisian bull; Khamûl was to become a young Guernsey heifer and the only others described in his brief, scribbled re-write were clearly based on Graceless, Pointless, Feckless and Aimless from Cold Comfort Farm. The rapidly abandoned idea that one of these four was to be the very cow that jumped over the moon from the popular Shire folk-song also dates from this period of revision, which can be quite closely placed to an evening described in Tolkien's diary: "Entered the Bird and B, and was pleasantly surprised to find Jack already in residence and somewhat the worse for wear. He told me that he had devised a drinking game based on reciting the Canterbury Tales and paying an alcoholic forfeit when a mistake was made, which we duly played. Sadly, I find myself unable to remember anything that happened after half-past ten, but I appear to have written some arrant nonsense about the Nazgûl at some point during the night. Edith tells me that I came home singing of goblins and woke half of Oxford. I must remember to ask C.S.L. what on earth we were doing in the meantime (if he can remember any more than I)."

The same muddled and almost wholly illegible manuscript, entirely obscured in places by beer stains, bears two notes of relevance to this thread: "1: WK should remain obsessed with spoons, but should possess morbid fear of boiled eggs. 2: Khamul's railway to have survived and become part of London Underground Central Line."

[Finwe]

Squatter, you're absolutely hilarious! Where do you get these from?!?!

[Nimrothiel]

As we all know, the Nazgul are actually the forerunners of Mafia hitmen, thus they enjoy such activities as "forceful interrogation," gambling, picking up a new moll every three months, and watching chick flicks. This last hobby of theirs is carried out at the insistence of their boss, but as he has made them an offer they can't refuse (i.e. world domination if they do; death by rabid bunnies if they don't); we can't really look down on them for it. Much as they hate to admit it, they are actually quite sensitive, and hate to use unnecessary violence. That is, they try to break your limbs cleanly with a minimum of fuss, and with no need to hit you more than once. They have a passion for pasta, and love showing off how cultured they are by listing which wine goes with which dish. They also enjoy showing off their hardware (not that; their weapons you sickos!) and rattling off all of the special features that they have. Their wardrobe consists of snazzy zoot suits and fedoras, as well as their work clothes; a trench coat (with plenty of pockets) and a wide-brimmed hat. They have an obsession with keeping their hair perfectly slicked back which almost exceeds that of the Elves'. Their vocabulary is heavily influenced by having watched "Guys and Dolls" one too many times; some of them even had roles in it in college. They have a tendency to become long-winded if allowed; thus they are under strict instructions to not speak unless directed to do so in their Boss' presence. They also have large collections of comic books which they read in college while working towards their degrees in Business Administration and Economics.

[Estelyn Telcontar]

I'm trying to teach the Nazgûl to make crazy quilts out of their tattered robes, but they don't want to take off their metal gloves to sew! I know a thimble is helpful, but on the whole hand??? :rolleyes:

[The Squatter of Amon Rûdh]

Where do you get these from? I use Middle-earth for the Extremely Gullible (Allen and Unwin, 1962). The rest is all from the sources indicated in my posts: mainly The History of Middle-earth volumes XIV-XX (apocrypha) and Unwritten Letters by J.R.R. Tolkien (HarperCollins, 1982), which contains letters #355 - 600 in the numbering system from The Letters of J.R.R. Tolkien. Sadly, all of these books have been out of print for some years and are now hard to come by.

[Finwe]

You know, if I was gullible, you could have had me fooled.

[The Squatter of Amon Rûdh]

The other week I happened to buy a Gothic grammar from a local bric-a-brac emporium, from which fell a scrap of paper bearing the Merton College letterhead. On this could be faintly discerned some pencilled notes in virtually illegible handwriting, from which I could glean only the following.

"Mordor annual spelling bee held each year on Sauron's birthday... [?Daisy] regular win[ner] but refuses prize of fresh veal... Mithril cow-bell causes involuntary lowing in all who hear it.

W-K travels to Shire incognito for souvenir spoon from Michel Delving mathom-house. When his robes are discovered, Elves should find Michelin Guide to Eriador, revealing planned journey.

Should railway in fact be source of fumes about Gorgoroth? S. and F. take 2nd class carriage from Kirith Ungol, but put off for travelling w/o tickets. Ring calls out to ticket inspector."

On the verso is the one note: "buy aspirin", which would appear to date it to the same hasty period of revision detailed above.

[FeRaL sHaDoW]

the nazgul could always milk there fell beasts.

[Lord Halsar]

I think they would play practical jokes on people. like putting a flaming bag of dog poop on Gandalf's front step. :D :D

[The Squatter of Amon Rûdh]

Sadly, such is often the way with those corrupted by the Ring. Just as Saruman, having rebodied himself after three long ages of labour, ended as a third-rate conjurer on the pier theatre circuit, the Nazgûl also fell from their original stature. From kings and princes of Men, they were reduced to amusing themselves with crass and undignified practical jokes, more befitting those who spend too much time before their palantíri.

This particular escapade cost them dearly, though. Gandalf filmed them with his video camera and they were forced to perform a couple of centuries' community service. This is what they were doing while Sauron was gradually building up his strength again after the Last Alliance.

As is quite clear, the fell beasts were reptilian and produced no milk. However, Daisy was a good source of the raw materials for a sort of ice-cream. Her corruption by one of the Nine had spoiled her milk so that it emerged in a clotted mess that tasted faintly of broccoli; but nevertheless the Nazûl were able to sell it to the fast food industry by dint of adding dangerous amounts of sugar. This helped them a great deal when they were fined heavily for toilet-papering Minas Tirith one Halloween.

It is said that whoever eats of the milk of Daisy will in time become a wraith-cow themselves. Though they may start out desiring only a quick snack, soon they will forget even the taste of salad, drawn ever further into a dark world of nasty, furtive eating and resentful remembering. In time they grow to both hate and love the fair forms of which they have been forever robbed, and low mournfully for their dark masters, who only mock them in their sorrow and sell them ineffective slimming drugs.