Eru forbid this...

[Nilpaurion Felagund]

What if PJ was to direct a Silm? Suggest what he would change.

Huan would become a giant hyena.
I don't know...evil Finrod?
Eöl who?

That's all I could think of now.

Later days! :cool:
->Elenrod

P.S. I know that PJ directing the Silm is impossible, and fitting the Silm in a three-hour movie is equally impossible, but "what if"?

[pandora]

Sauron continues to be a lidless eye because the studio wants to maintain "brand recognition" for their merchandising.

[ElenCala Isil]

Arwen would suddenly appear. *shudder*

[Eomer of the Rohirrim]

Evil Finrod! :D

Maybe he could capture Beren and take him to Osgiliath. ;)

[Ainaserkewen]

(Assuming of course that Tolkien Enterprises would allow the silm. to be done...)

-Perhaps using Cate Blanchett again for Melian, "because she is such a great looking girl"

-To put a "to be continued" sign at the end.
(shudders...THIS ISN'T HOLLYWOOD!)

EDIT: If the Silm. was made, the length of the movie would either be devided(like the trilogy) or made into a "Dune" type movie. For those of you who havn't seen Dune, IT'S BLOODY LONG! The book was long...and the movie was long. Hours indeed!

<font size=1 color=339966>[ 3:42 PM December 16, 2003: Message edited by: Ainaserkewen ]

[doug*platypus]

Prologue in Valinor: Melkor attempts to destroy the two trees, with the help of a giant ape who swings from the branches beating his chest. Even the biplanes of Manwë cannot save the trees.

Kate Winslet and friend are grief-stricken, and decide to take it out on mum, Yavanna. Ëonwë (played by Michael J Fox) leads three wise-cracking ghosts on a terrible quest for vengeance.

Meanwhile somewhere in Middle-Earth... a hyena jumps off a cliff for no reason...

I don't know what you're worried about, I think it would be great!

[Failivrin]

the Queens of the Valar will get JUST as much coverage as the Kings.

liv tyler will play Luthien (after all, Arwen is meant to be the light of Luthien Tinuviel reborn)

Thingol will either imprison Beren in teh tree house rather than Luthien or he will try to murder him single- handedly.

Beren and Luthien will have to fight off countless orcs and evil beasties weathertop-style.

Turgon (if he's included) will not die at the fall of Gondolin- he will lead the remnants to the Mouths of Sirion.

There will only be 3 sons of Feanor- maedhros (hung from thangorodrim: very dramatic), Celegorm and Curufin (all that tension- very atmospheric). also, they're aprt of the tale of Tinuviel which will of course be told in full because it's a LOVE STORY.

Beleriand will be renamed Hobbiton, Gondolin Rivendell, Nargothrond Moria and Menegroth Lothlorien just so we don't get confused.

Finarfin will be erased because he doesn't have a big enough part. so will the Vanyar and the Teleri.

Melkor will look just like Sauron except a bit bigger.

[Finwe]

They will extremely dramatize the murder of Finwë, and turn it into a duel like something out of The Mask of Zorro. Even though the Dark Lord Morgoth will be wielding a gigantic mace, Finwë will manage to repeatedly wound him with a carving knife-size sword, until Morgoth loses his patience and breaks all of Finwë's ribs and causes severe internal bleeding with his mace. Morgoth will then take the Silmarils, and after gloating (which is what all Dark Lords do), will sweep out dramatically with a flourish of black cloak. Finwë, who has miraculously remained alive, will call the token butler-type chap, and get taken on a bier to where Fëanor is, gasp out his story to his son(s), and dramatically die (after whispering "Miriel, I am coming.) in Fëanor's arms. Then, Indis, Fingolfin, and Finarfin will all exchange extremely pitiable looks, while Fëanor randomly lets out a wild scream of anguish and curses Morgoth for all eternity.


Movie Plot 101, got to love it!


P.S. I do resent having to die though. Ah well, it's all for the audience. smilies/biggrin.gif smilies/biggrin.gif

<font size=1 color=339966>[ 8:08 PM December 16, 2003: Message edited by: Finwe ]

[Nimrothiel]

Rofl!!! smilies/biggrin.gif
(Sorry about you having to die though. smilies/frown.gif )

[Finwe]

It's all right. I don't mind talking about my rather heroic death. smilies/wink.gif After all, it was all my crazy son's fault. Where did I go wrong with him???? smilies/biggrin.gif smilies/biggrin.gif

[Nilpaurion Felagund]

What have I done? I've unleashed a watershed of shuddering scenes!!!

Arwen would suddenly appear. *shudder*

*shudders* Maybe he'll rescue Beren in Nan Dungortheb?


Maybe he could capture Beren and take him to Osgiliath. ;)

Beren: You wanna know why your brothers died?!
Finrod: Uh...they were burned alive?
Beren: Oh, you know... *hangs head in shame*

Anywhen...

Olórin and Curumo in the War of Wrath would fight using their 'pokie-sticks with force'.
Legolas stunts!!!
I'd hate to see a young Agent Elrond...

Later days! :cool:
->Elenrod

[Lhunardawen]

Olórin and Curumo in the War of Wrath would fight using their 'pokie-sticks with force'.


Yes, and they will show their skills in breakdancing, as taught to them by... Gothmog the Balrog!

The Glorfindel who killed a Balrog in Gondolin will be replaced by Arwen. Great.

smilies/smile.gif

<font size=1 color=339966>[ 1:20 AM December 19, 2003: Message edited by: Lhunardawen ]

[Luthien_ Tinuviel]

The Glorfindel who killed a Balrog in Gondolin will be replaced by Arwen. Great.


smilies/biggrin.gif

Yes, Earendil and Elwing will have their twin sons, and the camera will swing in to focus on... a baby with a receeding hairline! Ahh!

Turin will carry around a "nice shiny dagger". Niniel will be played by Orlando Bloom, because after all, who could tell the difference? The Tale of Turambar will be regarded as dramatic enough, but lacking in comic relief (well, duh), so Gwindor will become a comedian.

Legolas will show up in Valinor, because, after all, he's the one who sold LOTR, so why shouldn't Leggy-lasses get the opportunity to drool for another 15 hours?

OK, forget all of that. The entire plot of the Silm will be replaced by "The Adventures of Legolas", a 48-hour epic in which Legolas kills Glaurung, recaptures all three Silmarils at the same time, makes obvious comments ("At the Nirnaeth Arnoediad, lots of people died"), and stunt-isizes.

[Arothir]

Hmm... the Mahanaxar will be some kind of cathedral, when the Valar enter the Ring of Doom they will have little Elven monk people who chant in Quenya walk in front. Oh yeah, a freaky Eye will question Gorlim the Unhappy. Tuor and Idril's romance will be extended, Ulmo will be a shark. And Hobbits will live in Nargothrond. Also I won't be in it, because they aren't smart enought to make Orodreth Arothir. Read POME! Arwen won't kill the Balrog (they're too stupid to know that Glorfindel kills a Balrog because they didn't read HOME)but Idril will.

&lt;font size=1 color=339966&gt;[ 9:02 PM December 19, 2003: Message edited by: Arothir ]&lt;/font&gt;

<font size=1 color=339966>[ 3:36 PM December 21, 2003: Message edited by: Arothir ]

[Arothir]

My death (as in the Death of Arothir the second king of Narog in the Turinssaga) will be extremely heroic!

[Failivrin]

Maeglin will take Idril roughly 5 years before the Fall of Gondolin and said battle will become a one man mission in which tuor struggles to get back Idril.

As a show of woman power, Idril will eventually kill Maeglin.

Eol will be cut out- he's not important. So will Aredhel; Maeglin will have been sent by Sauron, who is Morgoth's eviler twin brother (hey we don't want to diminish the power he has in LOTR)

[Olorin_TLA]

When Beren slays Charcaroth, the Silmaril falls into the waters.

Then, at the end of the last film, we see it float along through water, until it reaches the Washbasin of Udun, where it falls straight into Sauron's left eye, casuing extreme burning and pain!

And so, loyal viewers, you have seen the Origin of the Lidless Eye!

[Everdawn]

Fëanor the Friendly!

[Olorin_TLA]

The Vanyar engulf all the Elves...and men...so that everyone is blonde...blue eyes get a fiar spread too. smilies/wink.gif

[Eöl]

for christs sake , don't leave me out smilies/smile.gif

I need to forge Anglachel and Anguirel. Don't forget I AM a great smith smilies/biggrin.gif

ps: who wouldn't love to see the galvorn? smilies/wink.gif


And they'd probably end the movie with a duel between Tulkas and Melkor where Tulkas beats the crap out of him and swings him 'popeye style' to the Void

[Olorin_TLA]

The time: Earendil has reached Valinor, and made a persuasive speech.

The setting: The coast.

The cast: An Ork patrol.

Ork1: [Sniffs.]

Ork2: What is it, what do you smell?

Ork1: [Looks Ork2 in the eye] Valar-flesh.

Ork2: They've picked up our trail! RUUUUUUUNNNNNN!!!!!!!!!

[willkill4food]

Huon is basicly a giant Scooby Doo

Ecthelion will climb up a bunch of arrows in order to kill the balrog.

-willkill

[Nilpaurion Felagund]

Yes, Earendil and Elwing will have their twin sons, and the camera will swing in to focus on... a baby with a receeding hairline! Ahh!

Horrible mental images!!!! AAAAAHHHHH!!!!!!

The entire plot of the Silm will be replaced by "The Adventures of Legolas", a 48-hour epic in which Legolas kills Glaurung, recaptures all three Silmarils at the same time, makes obvious comments ("At the Nirnaeth Arnoediad, lots of people died"), and stunt-isizes.

Don't tell PJ - he might steal the idea...

Huon is basicly a giant Scooby Doo...

...and Sauron a giant...chihuahua! Or a giant eye-dog... *ponders on what an eye-dog might be*


The War of Wrath will end in a catastrophic nuclear explosion that sinks Beleriand...(hey, someone has to use the nuke!)

Galdor will disappear, and probably Hador, too.

Melkor is...a giant nose!

Later days! :cool:
->Elenrod

<font size=1 color=339966>[ 10:34 PM December 22, 2003: Message edited by: Nilpaurion Felagund ]

[Finwe]

-Sauron will have random spikes all over his armor.

-Whenever someone gets beheaded, a great spurt of blood gushes out from their neck, and their head falls on the Hobbit (or the random short person) standing nearby.

AAAAAND....... best of all.....


- Morgoth has a pronounced stoop, alopecia, and rotten teeth, refers to himself in the third person, and constantly calls his Silmarils "My Precioussss....."

[Lhunardawen]

- Morgoth has a pronounced stoop, alopecia, and rotten teeth, refers to himself in the third person, and constantly calls his Silmarils "My Precioussss....."



LOL!!! smilies/biggrin.gif

Morgoth: Where iss it? Where iss it? My preciousss...

Sauron: Hello? Like look at your crown?

Morgoth: Oh yess, my preciouss... Stupid little.. me.

While the Noldor are crossing the Helcaraxe, Morgoth will suddenly appear and say: "Nai yarvaxea rasselya taltuva notto-carinnar!"

[Thulorongil]

Beren and Luthien can't die and come back as mortals, oh no! They're the romance of the story, so they need to become gods and solve every conflict and show up at every battle!

Melkor is...a giant nose! Have you ever read Bored of the Rings, Nilpaurion Felagund?

Galadriel's going to show up in every scene, just so that you remember that she's there.

Glorfindel who?

Whenever the Naugrim show up, they're all dressed in clown costumes, 'cause they're not important, and you need comic relief in every serious movie!

[Nilpaurion Felagund]

Have you ever read Bored of the Rings, Nilpaurion Felagund?

Uh, no...why?

So this post does not get deleted, I'll add one...

Fëanor with inferiority complex...


Later days! :cool:
->Elenrod

[Lhunardawen]

PJ would shorten the Lay of Leithian and Narn i Hin Hurin (if he would include them at all), and show more scenes between Thingol and Melian or Varda and Manwë instead.

Then he will add a character named Melatariel, who will be Luthien and Beren's daughter three years after Dior is born. (Oh no, Nilpaurion will kill me! smilies/eek.gif )

Some random Elf will be made into a boy, and another into a horse (the way PJ did for Éothain and Garulf, respectively).

[Olorin_TLA]

"Maglor! You must ride Fingolfin and get him to fight Morgoth!"

"But papa said Morogth is too big to fight Maglor!"

[Naz]

They'll make Elenwë's death on the Grinding Ice this big thing, though you never really know her...

And they won't explain the whole Orome leading the Elves to Aman thing.. & prolly not about Morgoth "making" the orcs, cause it'll confuse people..

(not very good, I know)

[Finwe]

They'll turn Elenwë's death into this big Hollywood self-sacrifice scene. As Turgon, Elenwë, and Idril are crossing the ice, a big chunk breaks off, with Idril on it. She frantically tries to leap to the other crag of ice (the one with her parents) but barely makes it, and is hanging on by her fingers. Elenwë leans over and manages to grab Idril and swing her over onto the ice, next to Turgon, who grabs her, but in so doing, she loses her balance, and falls into the icy water.


*sigh* I've got such a crazy imagination.

[The Saucepan Man]

Actually, that sounds quite good, Finwe. smilies/wink.gif

I know. Thingol will be portrayed as an overly possessive father who is reluctant to allow his daughter to marry the hero and forsake her immortality.

Oh wait a moment ... smilies/rolleyes.gif smilies/biggrin.gif

[the guy who be short]

Actually, that sounds quite good, Finwe.
I know. Thingol will be portrayed as an overly possessive father who is reluctant to allow his daughter to marry the hero and forsake her immortality.

Oh wait a moment ...

Thingol will be played by Hugo Weaving and will look like Elrond. In fact, Thingol will be Elrond, and Luthien his first daughter. To make the story simpler, the Seven sons of Feanor will become the Two Sons (Magormfin and Maedranrodris, shortened to Mag and Med).
Finarfin and his sons will disappear, and be replaced by various sons of Fingolfin/Feanor. Fingolfin will also only have two sons. The daughtes will be non-existant, except Galadriel who will be Elronds first wife rather than Melian. Got all that?

[Finwe]

Good one, Saucy! smilies/biggrin.gif


Fëanor will have a pronounced stoop, severe speech impediment, alopecia, refer to himself in the third person, and constantly refer to his Silmarils as "My Precioussssssss..." smilies/biggrin.gif smilies/biggrin.gif smilies/biggrin.gif

[Failivrin]

The Prophecy of Mandos will take up 1/3 of the film and to make his point, Mandos will be forced to kill several Elves to make his point, thus rendering Mandosand evil evil bad guy in league with Morgoth. perhaps he could even become Sauron's brother...

Turgon will imprison Tour for suggesting that he leave Gondolin to create drama.

There will be a wisecracking Balrog.

[Tar-Alcarin]

When Turin is fighting Gluarung elves will suddenly appear out of nowhere and proceed to sacrifice themselves by exploding.

[Luthien_ Tinuviel]

Beren and Luthien can't die and come back as mortals, oh no! They're the romance of the story, so they need to become gods and solve every conflict and show up at every battle!

Exactly! Why not just cut out the Valar altogether, except maybe Manwe and Morgoth? That way Luthien can take Varda's place, power-wise, and they won't have to go to the trouble of introducing new characters! And Beren can replace Orome, maybe....

Finrod will be evil. He will actually capture Beren, and take him to Sauron's Isle, seeing as he works for Sauron and all. Then he can be killed in a warg accident, instead of fighting the werewolf to save Beren's life. Perhaps there can be a "Return of the Hyena-Lemmings".

[Olorin_TLA]

Feanor will either be a pure evil arse, OR an innocent (in intentions at least) tragic noble hero. Of course, if 2 of the writers disagree about whihc method to use and end up emrging, it might end up close to the real Feanor. smilies/eek.gif

But what if Disney did it? Glaurung owuld be Morgoth's stupid, comedy sidekick, and Sauron/Beren (or both) would be a hiphop superstar, or whichever music genre is the "coolest" when it's made.

*Techno-trance Halls of Mandos...mmmMMMM smilies/biggrin.gif *

[The Saucepan Man]

Perhaps there can be a "Return of the Hyena-Lemmings".

Oh, please. No! smilies/eek.gif smilies/biggrin.gif

There will be a wisecracking Balrog.

No, that will be Mim's job. smilies/tongue.gif

[Lhunardawen]

They'll turn Elenwë's death into this big Hollywood self-sacrifice scene. As Turgon, Elenwë, and Idril are crossing the ice, a big chunk breaks off, with Idril on it. She frantically tries to leap to the other crag of ice (the one with her parents) but barely makes it, and is hanging on by her fingers. Elenwë leans over and manages to grab Idril and swing her over onto the ice, next to Turgon, who grabs her, but in so doing, she loses her balance, and falls into the icy water.

Ooh...I remembered Moria and the Bridge of Khazad-dum while reading this... smilies/biggrin.gif

*Turgon grabs Elenwë by the hair*
Elenwë: Not the hair!
Turgon: Okay! (lets go of Elenwë)

That seems like a too inappropriate death for the wife of the soon-to-be High King of the Noldor. smilies/biggrin.gif

[Arothir]

Morgoth will be a giant bearlike creature, although Fingolfin couldn't fight a giant bearlike creature... Anyway, the Elves make a huge catapult, the rocks of the catapult hit Morgoth on the head, and the Silmarils are recovered.

[Failivrin]

oh yeah, Mim. He will become an elf- killer and Thingol himself will go to Nargothrond to kill him. Or maybe Felagund will rise from the dead and kill him. Yes, i think the second is better.

[Naz]

Ooh, we'll have to toss Mim to kill him. (that was random & wrong. Bad Naz, bad)

[Nilpaurion Felagund]

Mîm? Mîm who? Haven't you heard? They'll replace him with Glóin, Gimli's father? I think they'll change the whole history of Dwarves, like making them semi-immortal(don't ask me, I don't know how!), and then turning them to evil things redeemed at the end of Silm.

Beleg: We must take the Silmarils to Angband...only there can it be...uh...sold.

Glóin: I'm supposed you're the one to take it!

:rolleyes: I never made sense, anyhow... :rolleyes:

->Elenrod

P.S. Don't kill my lineage...please...I implore you...

[Olorin_TLA]

The reason Feanor hunts the Silmarills is because...He's Gollum! And they're Preciousssss...

[Nilpaurion Felagund]

Let's see what madness PJ could wreak on The Hobbit movie.

~Arwen shows up at most inopportune times. :rolleyes:

~No Beorn.

~Thorin's company will be reduced to three. :eek:

That's all I could come up with now.

[Nimrodel_9]

I bet Arwen will steal Oromë`s horse! :eek: :p

[Nilpaurion Felagund]

Thingol will be portrayed as an overly possessive father who is reluctant to allow his daughter to marry the hero and forsake her immortality.

Oh wait a moment ... (Sauce)
Lúthien's life will be bound to the Silmarilli. :rolleyes:

So as not to kill her, the movie will end with Beren leading an army to Angband to kick Morgoth's behind to Ekkaia and beyond.

And some other girl (probably Idril) will fall madly in love with Beren, and ride off into battle disguised when Beren persists in passing through Nan Dungortheb.

Wait a minute . . .

[Eomer of the Rohirrim]

Because the War of Wrath is just so big and involves, like....just so many people and stuff, we should, like....find a way to kill loads of them real quick.

Maybe we could send in an army of ghouls? :D

Also, scrap Morgoth. I mean, what's the point? Everyone knows Sauron and he was around at that time anyhow so.....

And also, this whole jewel thing. People found it hard to imagine first time around when everyone was fighting over a ring. They won't accept another film like this. Is there any way that all these guys could just ignore the jewels and fight over something else? Luthien, obviously.... ;) Ignore every other female character, they would detract from Luthien.

[AbercrombieOfRohan]

Nauglamir would become the main focus of the beren/aragorn and luthien/arwen theme. They could have repeated shots of beren/aragorn dropping it and watching it smash to bits.

[Nilpaurion Felagund]

Where would the ghoulish army come from?

I'm thinking they'll eradicate Nargothrond from most of the story. Maybe Beren would pass there and encounter the shade of Orodreth (unnamed, of course), and some Mr. Obvious (Mablung or Beleg, you choose--well, Mablung sounds unelvish, so he'll become a Dwarf. Three hunters!) will tell the Dwarf that Beren's forefather cursed the dwellers of Nargothrond because they refused to fight.

Whew! Or maybe the ghoulish army would come from Nan Dungortheb . . . all those victims of the spiders . . . :smokin:

[The Elusive Spirit]

Nope, you'r all wrong. They will completely disregard the story and create a whole new plot. There will be no more pretending they care about the book.
I see an epic battle between the Valor and Elves for controll of Middle Earth

[the guy who be short]

And then Morgoth attacks them both, causing them to join forces in the First Alliance of Elves and Valar. Who says the Silmarillion needs Men or Dwarves?

[narfforc]

"Never heard of the bloody thing", says Jack Peterson the infamous Kiwi film director. "Does it have Hobbits in it?", he adds, thinking of the pile of rubber feet he had stashed away, in case he ever got around to rewriting the film script for The Hobbit/ There or Thereabouts. A bit of spray paint, along with a bit of tinsel could change Second/Third Age Armour into First Age. Employ all the same girly-blokes that played the elves, nobody will notice, rewrite a bit of the boring stuff, give everyone someone elses lines, above all change the names and introduce characters from nowhere

King Thingy Greatmangle (Elude Singular Lord of a Thousand Cafes, Manygrowth of Doorhehath)
Benny son of Barry, husband of Lillian Tinnitus, which is Frighteningwail to the Elves
King Thinrod Fellowgland, who had no wife.
Idiot Cerebellum wife of Chewer son of Hewer
Chewin a Chewinbar slayer of Glowlong
The Downsizing of Neomanor The Alackabath or Atollslanted (Those caught on the island got a bath whether they wanted one or not, due to Argh-Parazone revolt against Ill-Farter)
Those of the Fullfil who escaped Neomanor, led by Everdull son of Alldull, and his sons Evenduller and Anotherone( who is always forgotten about)

"Righto mate pass me the script, let`s make a moovie", say Jack Peterson.