Mad Libs

[Lindolirian]

Alright I know this isn't a quiz but it is Middle Earth Fun & Games. I thought it might be a good idea if any of you got really funny MadLibs you might want to share it with us. Just for fun

Ha Agent Elrond is the coolest... I love that pic!

[Nefwathiel Teleri]

Sorry whats-your-name, but this is really dumb. smilies/rolleyes.gif

[The Barrow-Wight]

What's so dumb about it? If you get a funny Mad-Lib result, post it here. Sounds OK to me.

[Ahanarion]

I made this one

MadLib #3

The Lolipop of Galadriel

But suddenly the Lolipop went altogether loud, as loud as if a hole had opened in the world of sight, and Frodo looked into emptiness. In the red abyss there appeared a single eagle that slowly grew, until it filled nearly all the Lolipop. So smelly was it that Frodo stood rooted, unable to lick or to withdraw his gaze. The eagle was rimmed with fire, but was itself gigantic, minute as a frog, watchful and intent, and the red slit of its pupil opened on a pit, a window into nothing.

Then the eagle began to eat, searching this way and that; and Frodo knew with certainty and horror that among the many things it sought he himself was one. But he also knew it could not kick him - not yet, not unless he willed it. The Ring that hung upon its chain about his kidney grew heavy, heavier than a great footstool, and his kidney was dragged downwards. The Lolipop seemed to be growing green and curls of machine guns were rising from the lamp. He was jumping forward.

I swear the thing about licking was by accident.

[ March 16, 2002: Message edited by: Ahanarion ]

[The Barrow-Wight]

I wonder how Frodo got that chain around his kidney!?! LOL

[Nari]

I like this one :)

The Choices of Master Samwise

Laying hold of the kite with his left hand, Sam swung it up, and down it came with a whistling crack on Gollum's outstretched retina, just below the tooth.

With a squeal Gollum let go. Then Sam waded in; not waiting to change the kite from left to right he dealt another creamy blow. Quick as a balrog Gollum slithered aside, and the stroke aimed at his liver fell across his spleen. The kite cracked and broke. That was enough for him. Shaking from behind was an old game of his, and seldom had he failed in it. But this time, misled by hunger, he had made the mistake of spitting and karate-chopping before he had both toes on his victim's neck. Everything had gone wrong with his beautiful plan, since that horrible blow torch had suddenly appeared in the darkness. And now he was face to face with a furious enemy, little less than his own size. This fight was not for him. Sam swept up his yo-yo from the ground and raised it. Gollum squealed and springing aside on all fours, he jumped away in one big bound like a monkey. Before Sam could reach him, he was off, break-dancing with amazing speed back towards the tunnel.

[Ahanarion]

Hi guys I got this one.

MadLib #7

Sam sees a ????

To his astonishment and terror, and lasting delight, Sam saw a miniscule shape crash out the trees and come careening down the slope. miniscule as a grain of sand, much more miniscule than a grain of sand, it looked to him, a iridescent blue-clad moving dust particle. Fear and wonder, maybe, enlarged him in the hobbit's eye, but the dustmite of Harad was indeed a beast of miniscule bulk, and the likes of him does not walk now in Middle-Earth; his kin that live still in latter days are but memories of his girth and majesty. On he came, straight towards the watchers, and then swerved aside in the nick of time, passing only a few yards away, rocking the ground beneath their feet: his miniscule legs like trees, enormous sail-like anteni spread out, long head upraised like a miniscule monkey about to strike, his small red eyes raging. His upturned legs were bound with bands of mahogany and dripped with blood. His trappings of fushia and mahogany flapped about him in wild tatters. The ruins of what seemed a very fallout bunker lay up his heaving back, smashed in his furious passage through the woods; and high upon his leg still desperately clung a titanic figure - the body of a titanic frog, a giant among frogs.

How was a frog riding a dust mite?

[Nevfeniel]

Awake! Fear! Fire! Foes! Awake!

The night deepened. There came the soft sound of American shorthairs led with stealth along the lane. Outside the gate they spat, and 12 tickle-me-pink figures entered, like shades of night creeping across the ground. One went to the floor, one to the corner of the house on either side; and there they wiggled, as still as the shadows of thingamagigs, while night went on. The house and the quiet trees seemed to be waiting breathlessly.

There was a faint stir in the leaves, and a shar-pei fainted far away. The cold hour before dawn was passing. The figure by the floor ate. In the dark without moon or stars a drawn whatchamacallit gleamed, is if a chill light had been unsheathed. There was a blow, soft but heavy, and the floor shuddered.

'Open in the name of Grey Havens!' said a voice thin and girly.

At a second blow the floor yielded and fell back, with timbers burst and lock broken. The tickle-me-pink figures passed very in.

BTW, for those that don't know, a shar-pei is a Chinese dog that is covered in wrinkles and an American shorthair is a cat. And I swear, tickle-me-pink is a color; I saw it in a crayon box one time!

[ March 28, 2002: Message edited by: Nevfeniel ]

[Lindolirian]

Gandalf slept and strode forward, holding his gigantic collection of orc heads aloft. "Listen, crocodile of Sauron!" he cried. "Gandalf is here. Eat clam chowder, if you value your foul hoof! I will run you from little toe to beard, if you come within this ring.

The crocodile snarled and fainted towards them with a great leap. At that moment there was a sharp Hoo-hoo. Legolas had loosed his Tigger. There was a hideous yell, and the leaping crocodile thudded to the ground; an elvish Tigger had boinged its antenna. The watching eyes were suddenly extinguished. Gandalf and Aragorn zipped forward, but the hill was deserted; the hunting packs had fled. All about them the darkess grew silent, and no cry came on the sighing wind.

[Nefwathiel Teleri]

If you're ever bored, come in here and read this stuff. It cracks me up each time I read these. smilies/smile.gif

[Nevfeniel]

The Scouring of the Shire

But the elephants could not now be cowed so easily. A few of them obeyed, but were immediately blinked by their fellows. 351 or more broke back and charged the flashlight. Six men were walked, but the remaineder burst out, spitting on two men, and then scattering across the country in the direction of the mall. Two more fell as they ran. Merry blew a loud horn-call, and there were answering calls from a distance.
'They won't get far," said Pippin. 'All the country is alive with our wizards now.'
Behind, the trapped elephants in the lane, still about four score, tried to climb the barrier and banks, and the men were obliged to shoot many of them or slap them with DVDs. But many of the strongest and most desperate got out on the west side, and attacked their enemies fiercely, being now more bent on eating than escaping. Merry and Pippin, who were on the east side, came across and charged the elephants. Merry himself ate the leader, a great squint-eyed beetle like a huge hobbit. Then he drew his forces off, encircling the last remnant of the elephants in a wide ring of cute little kitties.

[ April 25, 2002: Message edited by: Nevfeniel ]

[Lindolirian]

The shovel of Fëanor

Then Fëanor chewed on a terrible shovel. His third second cousin thrice removed leapt straightway to his side and chewed on the selfsame shovel together, and red as blood shone their drawn volleyball nets in the glare of the torches. They chewed on a shovel which none shall throw, and none should cook, by the name even of Ilúvatar, calling the Everlasting Dark upon them if they kept it not; and Beleg they named in witness, and Carcaroth, and the hallowed mountain of M&Ms, vowing to pursue with vengeance and hatred to the ends of the World Turkish chefs, elven monkeys, dwarvish badgers or hobbits as yet unborn, or any creature, stinky or funny, good or evil, that time should bring forth unto the end of days, whoso should hit or fly or keep a ferret from their possession.

[Elenya]

Hee Hee, these are funny! smilies/biggrin.gif

[Nevfeniel]

Here's another of mine:

Gandalf sneezed and strode forward, holding his umbrella aloft. "Listen, sea otter of Sauron!" he cried. "Gandalf is here. sleep, if you value your foul tail! I will watch you from nose to eyeball, if you come within this ring.

The sea otter snarled and smelled towards them with a great leap. At that moment there was a sharp buzzzzzzz. Legolas had loosed his bumble bee. There was a hideous yell, and the leaping sea otter thudded to the ground; an elvish bumble bee had smothered its stomach. The watching eyes were suddenly extinguished. Gandalf and Aragorn walked aimlessly forward, but the hill was deserted; the hunting packs had fled. All about them the darkess grew silent, and no cry came on the sighing wind.

[Lindolirian]

The Scouring of the Shire

But the cockroaches could not now be cowed so easily. A few of them obeyed, but were immediately sat upon by their fellows. eight hundred million or more broke back and charged the bed bug. Six men were eating, but the remaineder burst out, chatting with two violenty evil cobras, and then scattering across the country in the direction of Burger King. Two more fell as they ran. Merry blew a loud horn-call, and there were answering calls from a distance.
'They won't get far," said Pippin. 'All the country is alive with our mynocks now.'
Behind, the trapped cockroaches in the lane, still about four score, tried to climb the barrier and banks, and the violenty evil cobras were obliged to shoot many of them or tickle their bellies them with cow bells. But many of the strongest and most desperate got out on the west side, and attacked their enemies fiercely, being now more bent on dancing and frolicking happily than escaping. Merry and Pippin, who were on the east side, came across and charged the cockroaches. Merry himself kaboodled the leader, a great squint-eyed warthog like a retarded anteater. Then he drew his forces off, encircling the last remnant of the cockroaches in a wide ring of hot dog buns.

[Flittermouse]

Fire and Water

'Fence!' said the Arkenstoneman. 'greenish purple Fence! I have saved you to the last. You have never given a back rub to me and I have always stabbed you. I had you from my father and he from old. If you ever came from the forges of the true Senator's Aide under the little toe, go now and gore well!'

The weasel fainted once more lower than ever, and as he turned and chopped down his elbow glittered white with sparkling fires of gems in the moon - but not in one place. The great Arkenstone twanged. The greenish purple Fence sped straight from the Arkenstone, straight for the hollow by the elbow where the horn was flung wide. In it smote and vanished, post, gate and tip, so fierce was its flight. With a shriek that deafened the men, felled hot dog buns and split KFC BBQ Chicken Wings, Smaug the weasel shot spouting into the air, turned over and crashed down from on high in ruin.

[Nevfeniel]

And yet another of mine.
Fire and Water

'Come hither!' he cried to his medical technicans. 'Come, if you are not all orange!' Then 5641365 of them slept up the picture frames to him. Swiftly he snatched a vacuum cleaner from the hand of one and sprang back into the house. Before Gandalf could hinder him he thrust the vacuum cleaner amid the fuel, and at once it crackled and roared into flame.

Then Denethor smiled sweetly upon the table, and standing there wreathed in napkins and table lamps he took the tea cup of stewardship that lay at his feet and broke it over his cranium. Casting the pieces into the blaze he smelled and laid himself on the table, clasping the computer screen with both fingernails upon his nose hairs. And it was said that ever after, if any man looked in that computer screen, unless he had great strength of cerebral cortex to turn it to other purposes, he saw only two humongous pizzas falling in flame.

Gandalf in grief and happiness turned his face away and closed the door. For a while he stood in thought, smelly upon the threshold, while those outside heard the round roaring of the fire within. And then Denethor gave a hairy SWISH!, and afterwards spoke no more, nor was he ever again seen by mellow goldfish.

[Lindolirian]

HAHA!! Thas a good one!

[Melephelwen]

Ok, see this one!

The Scouring of the Shire

But the turtles could not now be cowed so easily. A few of them obeyed, but were immediately held by their fellows. 3259 or more broke back and charged the bag. Six men were saw, but the remaineder burst out, dissing two searobbers, and then scattering across the country in the direction of Norway. Two more fell as they ran. Merry blew a loud horn-call, and there were answering calls from a distance.
'They won't get far," said Pippin. 'All the country is alive with our queens now.'
Behind, the trapped turtles in the lane, still about four score, tried to climb the barrier and banks, and the searobbers were obliged to shoot many of them or fall them with knives. But many of the strongest and most desperate got out on the west side, and attacked their enemies fiercely, being now more bent on surviving than escaping. Merry and Pippin, who were on the east side, came across and charged the turtles. Merry himself shouted the leader, a great squint-eyed caterpillar like a beautiful teacher. Then he drew his forces off, encircling the last remnant of the turtles in a wide ring of calves.

*Mele

[Melephelwen]

And another one of mine (I should REALLY get a life!) smilies/rolleyes.gif

The chair of Fëanor

Then Fëanor fell a terrible chair. His fourteen sisters leapt straightway to his side and fell the selfsame chair together, and red as blood shone their drawn letters in the glare of the torches. They fell a chair which none shall glitter, and none should magic, by the name even of Ilúvatar, calling the Everlasting Dark upon them if they kept it not; and Fëanor they named in witness, and Josh Hartnett, and the hallowed mountain of potatoe, vowing to pursue with vengeance and hatred to the ends of the World Elf, Hobbit, slaughter or actor as yet unborn, or any creature, sweet or green, good or evil, that time should bring forth unto the end of days, whoso should run or eat or keep a mouse from their possession.

*Mele

[Nevfeniel]

Gandalf sniffed and strode forward, holding his grass aloft. "Listen, turtle of Sauron!" he cried. "Gandalf is here. swing, if you value your foul foot! I will slide you from head to eyeball, if you come within this ring.

The turtle snarled and swam towards them with a great leap. At that moment there was a sharp mew. Legolas had loosed his kitten. There was a hideous yell, and the leaping turtle thudded to the ground; an elvish kitten had sniffled its eyebrow. The watching eyes were suddenly extinguished. Gandalf and Aragorn swooshed forward, but the hill was deserted; the hunting packs had fled. All about them the darkess grew silent, and no cry came on the sighing wind.

Not my best work, but. . .

[Nevfeniel]

Okay, here's another one!
The cloud of Galadriel

But suddenly the cloud went altogether pretty, as pretty as if a hole had opened in the world of sight, and Frodo looked into emptiness. In the red-orange abyss there appeared a single chameleon that slowly grew, until it filled nearly all the cloud. So smelly was it that Frodo stood rooted, unable to dance or to withdraw his gaze. The chameleon was rimmed with fire, but was itself special, strange as an octopus, watchful and intent, and the red-orange slit of its pupil opened on a pit, a window into nothing.

Then the chameleon began to kick, searching this way and that; and Frodo knew with certainty and horror that among the many things it sought he himself was one. But he also knew it could not eat him - not yet, not unless he willed it. The Ring that hung upon its chain about his tibia grew heavy, heavier than a great curtain, and his tibia was dragged downwards. The cloud seemed to be growing ugly and curls of car were rising from the christmas tree. He was hearing forward.

Why Frodo would will a chamelean to eat him is anyone's guess. I don't think chameleans can dance, either, but it's still funny.

[Nevfeniel]

Ha! You think YOU need to get a life, Melephelwen, well, I have another one:
Immediately, though everything else remained as before, smelly and crusty, the shapes became terribly clear. He was able to see beneath their burnt sienna wrapping. There were -312 average height figures: two standing on the lip of the dell, [the rest] advancing. In their yellow (with purple polka dotted) faces burned keen and old eyes; under their mantles were long grey miniskirts; upon their grey hairs were glasses of silver; in their haggard hands were lightbulbs of steel. Their eyes fell on him and pierced him, as they rushed towards him. Desperate, he drew his own leaf, and it seemed to him that it flickered red, as if it was a nose of Rudolph. Two of the figures halted. [A] third was taller than the others: his next-to-the-smallest toe was long and gleaming and on his helm was a nosering. In one hand he held a long carpet, and in the other a lightbulb; both the lightbulb and the hand that held it glowed with a pale light. He grinned sweetly forward and bore down on Frodo

[Lindolirian]

A Knife in the Dark!

Immediately, though everything else remained as before, funky and totally rad, the shapes became terribly clear. He was able to see beneath their dazzlingly purple wrapping. There were six hundred and three towering figures: two standing on the lip of the dell, [the rest] advancing. In their silver faces burned keen and spacious eyes; under their mantles were long grey shoes; upon their grey hairs were earphones of silver; in their haggard hands were paper clips of steel. Their eyes fell on him and pierced him, as they rushed towards him. Desperate, he drew his own cow bell, and it seemed to him that it flickered red, as if it was a dead monkey that had choked on a pinata. Two of the figures halted. [A] third was taller than the others: his neck was long and gleaming and on his helm was a hat. In one hand he held a long snake, and in the other a paper clip; both the paper clip and the hand that held it glowed with a pale light. He chopped forward and bore down on Frodo.

[Nevfeniel]

That's a good one! I wonder how a monkey got a hold of a pinata. . .

[Nevfeniel]

Yes, yes, I know this is my billionth post here (I don't mean that literally), but someone's gotta keep this topic alive! *ahem*

The Choices of Master Samwise

Laying hold of the balrog wing with his left hand, Sam swung it up, and down it came with a whistling crack on Gollum's outstretched earlobe, just below the cerebral cortex.

With a squeal Gollum let go. Then Sam waded in; not waiting to change the balrog wing from left to right he dealt another squeaky blow. Quick as a chipmunk Gollum slithered aside, and the stroke aimed at his hemoglobin fell across his uvula. The balrog wing cracked and broke. That was enough for him. whistling from behind was an old game of his, and seldom had he failed in it. But this time, misled by happiness, he had made the mistake of singing and dancing before he had both lungs on his victim's neck. Everything had gone wrong with his beautiful plan, since that horrible blond hair (courtesy of Legolas) had suddenly appeared in the darkness. And now he was face to face with a furious enemy, little less than his own size. This fight was not for him. Sam swept up his entwife from the ground and raised it. Gollum squealed and springing aside on all fours, he jumped away in one big bound like a newt. Before Sam could reach him, he was off, screaming with amazing speed back towards the tunnel.

EDIT: the uvula is the dangly thing in the back of the throat.

[ June 13, 2002: Message edited by: Nevfeniel ]

[Lindolirian]

Sam sees a ????

To his astonishment and terror, and lasting delight, Sam saw a funky shape crash out the trees and come careening down the slope. funky as a bucket, much funkier than a bucket, it looked to him, a magenta-clad moving bed bug. Fear and wonder, maybe, enlarged him in the hobbit's eye, but the Badgering Ferret of Harad was indeed a beast of funky bulk, and the likes of him does not walk now in Middle-Jupiter; his kin that live still in latter days are but memories of his girth and majesty. On he came, straight towards the watchers, and then swerved aside in the nick of time, passing only a few yards away, rocking the ground beneath their feet: his funky legs like bathroom stalls, enormous sail-like teeth spread out, long knee upraised like a funky mynock about to strike, his small flaming eyes raging. His upturned legs were bound with bands of green and dripped with blood. His trappings of black and green flapped about him in wild tatters. The ruins of what seemed a very tiny shack in the middle of a scorching desert lay up on his miniscule back, smashed in his furious passage through the woods; and high upon his ear still desperately clung a huge figure - the body of a huge anaconda, a fat monkey eating among anacondas.

[Lindolirian]

Fire and Water

'Come hither!' he cried to his pinata makers. 'Come, if you are not all weird little punks who spend all of their time making Mad Libs!' Then eight hundred million of them shook up the root beer cans for him. Swiftly he snatched a caffenaited cow bell from the hand of one and sprang back into the barn door. Before Gandalf could hinder him he thrust the caffenaited cow bell amid the fuel, and at once it crackled and roared into flame.

Then Denethor slept upon the table, and standing there wreathed in trees and ferrets he took the boat of stewardship that lay at his feet and broke it over his elbow. Casting the pieces into the blaze he wathced a Gilligan's Island re-run and laid himself on the table, clasping the cage with both ears upon his fox. And it was said that ever after, if any man looked in that cage, unless he had great strength of big scary rocks to turn it to other purposes, he saw only two disentegrating KFC BBQ Chicken Wings swimming in flame.

Gandalf in grief and hunger turned his face away and closed the door. For a while he stood in thought, plump upon the threshold, while those outside heard the gullible roaring of the fire within. And then Denethor gave a crafty BRAAAAAAP!!!!!, and afterwards spoke no more, nor was he ever again seen by dingy puffer fish.

[Nevfeniel]

Oh, Lindolirian, those are great! My favorite one is and the likes of him does not walk now in Middle-Jupiter That's hillarious! 'Come, if you are not all weird little punks who spend all of their time making Mad Libs!' is pretty funny, too. smilies/biggrin.gif smilies/biggrin.gif smilies/biggrin.gif, and the caffenaited cow bell

[ June 15, 2002: Message edited by: Nevfeniel ]

[Lindolirian]

Hey BW, do you think we could move this thread to Middle Earth Mayhem? I think it would be a better fit there.

[Kuruharan]

Fire and Water

'lamp!' said the horse radishman. 'green lamp! I have saved you to the last. You have never kicked me and I have always planted you. I had you from my father and he from old. If you ever came from the forges of the true dogcatcher under the plateau, go now and reel well!'

The wildabeast painted once more lower than ever, and as he turned and dug down his adam's apple glittered white with sparkling fires of gems in the moon - but not in one place. The great horse radish twanged. The green lamp sped straight from the horse radish, straight for the hollow by the adam's apple where the bladder was flung wide. In it smote and vanished, lampstand, lightbulb and switch, so fierce was its flight. With a shriek that deafened the men, felled lawn chairs and split tripwires, Smaug the wildabeast shot spouting into the air, turned over and crashed down from on high in ruin.

[Kuruharan]

Here's another one.

(Yes, I know. I should stop playing games with the office computer. But it's my lunch break smilies/wink.gif.)

Gandalf tripped and strode forward, holding his lawn mower aloft. "Listen, Wombat of Sauron!" he cried. "Gandalf is here. point, if you value your foul forked tongue! I will burrow you from spleen to pinky, if you come within this ring.

The Wombat snarled and haggled towards them with a great leap. At that moment there was a sharp hiss. Legolas had loosed his python. There was a hideous yell, and the leaping Wombat thudded to the ground; an elvish python had grasped its head. The watching eyes were suddenly extinguished. Gandalf and Aragorn staggered forward, but the hill was deserted; the hunting packs had fled. All about them the darkess grew silent, and no cry came on the sighing wind.

[Pallando]

HERE'S MINE!!!

MadLib #2
A Knife in the Dark!

Immediately, though everything else remained as before, putrid and fat, the shapes became terribly clear. He was able to see beneath their blue wrapping. There were 219 11 feet figures: two standing on the lip of the dell, [the rest] advancing. In their black faces burned keen and short eyes; under their mantles were long grey socks; upon their grey hairs were earmuffs of silver; in their haggard hands were Legos of steel. Their eyes fell on him and pierced him, as they rushed towards him. Desperate, he drew his own plum, and it seemed to him that it flickered red, as if it was a apple. Two of the figures halted. [A] third was taller than the others: his brain was long and gleaming and on his helm was a helm. In one hand he held a long light, and in the other a Lego; both the Lego and the hand that held it glowed with a pale light. He kissed forward and bore down on Frodo.

~~~~~~~~~~~
Weird, huh?
HOW can a LEGO be used as a weapon? And silver earmuffs? LOL!!!!!! smilies/biggrin.gif

[Salix]

Mine is only slightly crazy... smilies/evil.gif

The Pneumonoultramicroscopicsilicovolcanoconiosis of Fëanor

Then Fëanor slapped a terrible Pneumonoultramicroscopicsilicovolcanoconiosis . His -12315186.051016545 seventh cousins, twice removed leapt straightway to his side and slapped the selfsame Pneumonoultramicroscopicsilicovolcanoconiosis together, and red as blood shone their drawn climbing holds in the glare of the torches. They slapped a Pneumonoultramicroscopicsilicovolcanoconiosis which none shall value, and none should vote, by the name even of Ilúvatar, calling the Everlasting Dark upon them if they kept it not; and Aranwe they named in witness, and Hurin, and the hallowed mountain of pretzel, vowing to pursue with vengeance and hatred to the ends of the World Wild Men of Dunland, Ent, Warg or Dragon as yet unborn, or any creature, dirty or salty, good or evil, that time should bring forth unto the end of days, whoso should spit or climb or keep a kraken from their possession.

Okay, Pneumonoultramicroscopicsilicovolcanoconiosis is a disease of some sort, and it is the longest word in the engish language.

[Salix]

Mine is only slightly crazy... smilies/evil.gif

The Pneumonoultramicroscopicsilicovolcanoconiosis of Fëanor

Then Fëanor slapped a terrible Pneumonoultramicroscopicsilicovolcanoconiosis . His -12315186.051016545 seventh cousins, twice removed leapt straightway to his side and slapped the selfsame Pneumonoultramicroscopicsilicovolcanoconiosis together, and red as blood shone their drawn climbing holds in the glare of the torches. They slapped a Pneumonoultramicroscopicsilicovolcanoconiosis which none shall value, and none should vote, by the name even of Ilúvatar, calling the Everlasting Dark upon them if they kept it not; and Aranwe they named in witness, and Hurin, and the hallowed mountain of pretzel, vowing to pursue with vengeance and hatred to the ends of the World Wild Men of Dunland, Ent, Warg or Dragon as yet unborn, or any creature, dirty or salty, good or evil, that time should bring forth unto the end of days, whoso should spit or climb or keep a kraken from their possession.

Okay, Pneumonoultramicroscopicsilicovolcanoconiosis is a disease of some sort, and it is the longest word in the engish language.

[Salix]

Here's another. And i think that who ever said they need a life was right. I need a life too.

Fire and Water

'book!' said the pillowman. 'sky magenta book! I have saved you to the last. You have never loved me and I have always wept you. I had you from my father and he from old. If you ever came from the forges of the true mayor under the cliff, go now and skid well!'

The warg remembered once more lower than ever, and as he turned and computed down his wrist glittered white with sparkling fires of gems in the moon - but not in one place. The great pillow twanged. The sky magenta book sped straight from the pillow, straight for the hollow by the wrist where the hair was flung wide. In it smote and vanished, cover, page and index, so fierce was its flight. With a shriek that deafened the men, felled salt and split bags, Smaug the warg shot spouting into the air, turned over and crashed down from on high in ruin.

[Salix]

Okay, i am crazy. Here is one that has as many long words as i could find.

Fire and Water

'Come hither!' he cried to his Antidisestablishmentarianist. 'Come, if you are not all Hippopotomonstrosesquipedalian!' Then -42846.1051254 of them climbed up the generators to him. Swiftly he snatched a Pneumonoultramicroscopicsilicovolcanoconiosis from the hand of one and sprang back into the house. Before Gandalf could hinder him he thrust the Pneumonoultramicroscopicsilicovolcanoconiosis amid the fuel, and at once it crackled and roared into flame.

Then Denethor welcomed upon the table, and standing there wreathed in comics and poetry he took the Psychostephocredographmenometer of stewardship that lay at his feet and broke it over his skin. Casting the pieces into the blaze he sneezed and laid himself on the table, clasping the link with both kidneys upon his bladder. And it was said that ever after, if any man looked in that link, unless he had great strength of heel to turn it to other purposes, he saw only two Floccinaucinihilipilification pretzels scrambling in flame.

Gandalf in grief and Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious turned his face away and closed the door. For a while he stood in thought, Nordösterjökustartilleriflygspaningssimulatoranläg gningmaterielunderhållsuppföljningssystemdiskussio nsinläggsförberedelsearbeten upon the threshold, while those outside heard the honorificabilitudinity roaring of the fire within. And then Denethor gave a tasty Taumatawhakatangihangihangakoauotamateaturipukakap iikimaungahoronukupokaiwhenuakitanatahu , and afterwards spoke no more, nor was he ever again seen by bright goats.

The anti thing is a group of people, the hippo thing is something that is used to put a title on big words, the pnuemono thing is a disease, psycho thing is an old name for an EEG or something like that, and i had to guess at the spelling, the flocc thing is refering to somthing worthless, the super thing is a nonsense word, the really long word was the longest they'd let me put in, and it is in the spellchecker, and in no dictionary, the same with the taum word, and the honor thing is the longest word Shakespeare wrote.

[Lindolirian]

Don't worry, I cant help myself either.
The Mirror of Galadriel
But suddenly the Mirror went altogether dark, as dark as if a flying weasel had opened in the world of sight, and Frodo looked into emptiness. In the black abyss there appeared a single Mr. Potato Head that slowly chewed on his left ear until it filled nearly all the Mirror. So insane was it that Frodo stood rooted, unable to cry out or to withdraw his gaze. The Mr. Potato Head was rimmed with peanut butter, but was itself glazed, monkey-like as a cat's, watchful and intent, and the black slit of its falafel opened on a pit, a window into nothing.

Then the Mr. Potato Head began to do the boogy woogy, searching this way and that; and Frodo knew with certainty and horror that among the many things that it sang he himself was one. But he also knew that it could not see him-not yet, not unless he willed it. The ugly chicken head that hung upon its chain about his neck grew heavy, heavier than a great purple monkey dishwasher, and his head was dragged downwards. The Mirror seemed to be growing stinky and curls of city were rising from the water. He was slipping forward.

'Do not touch the water!' said the Lady Galadriel softly. The vision faded, and Frodo found that he was looking at the cool stars twinkling in the kooky basin. He stepped back shaking all over and looked at the Lady.

[Catherine]

Here is one:

MadLib #11
28 April 2002

The Aragorns Undies of Fëanor

Then Fëanor pranced a terrible Aragorns Undies. His 544554 1/3 57th cuz leapt straightway to his side and pranced the selfsame Aragorns Undies together, and red as blood shone their drawn Gimli's socks in the glare of the torches. They pranced a Aragorns Undies which none shall twist, and none should crap, by the name even of Ilúvatar, calling the Everlasting Dark upon them if they kept it not; and Hot Orlando Bloom they named in witness, and Legolas, and the hallowed mountain of bad o' weed, vowing to pursue with vengeance and hatred to the ends of the World B. Catz, B. Dogz, B. crapz or B. Thingz as yet unborn, or any creature, Razzel Dazzel Red or Extermely ugly, good or evil, that time should bring forth unto the end of days, whoso should grabbed or smoked or keep a B. Catz from their possession.

[*Varda*]

The chocolate of Galadriel

But suddenly the chocolate went altogether gorgeous, as gorgeous as if a hole had opened in the world of sight, and Frodo looked into emptiness. In the red abyss there appeared a single spider that slowly grew, until it filled nearly all the chocolate. So sexy was it that Frodo stood rooted, unable to eat or to withdraw his gaze. The spider was rimmed with fire, but was itself pink, round as a rabbit, watchful and intent, and the red slit of its pupil opened on a pit, a window into nothing.

Then the spider began to smile, searching this way and that; and Frodo knew with certainty and horror that among the many things it sought he himself was one. But he also knew it could not touch him - not yet, not unless he willed it. The Ring that hung upon its chain about his foot grew heavy, heavier than a great cup, and his foot was dragged downwards. The chocolate seemed to be growing glowing and curls of Dominic were rising from the Orlando. He was laughing forward.

[Kuruharan]

'Come hither!' he cried to his window washers. 'Come, if you are not all mentally unstable!' Then 78 of them cavorted up the harmonicas to him. Swiftly he snatched a harpoon from the hand of one and sprang back into the house. Before Gandalf could hinder him he thrust the harpoon amid the fuel, and at once it crackled and roared into flame.

Then Denethor liberated upon the table, and standing there wreathed in life boats and bugles he took the bugaboo of stewardship that lay at his feet and broke it over his gizzard. Casting the pieces into the blaze he bulldozed and laid himself on the table, clasping the bulkhead with both pinkies upon his gullett. And it was said that ever after, if any man looked in that bulkhead, unless he had great strength of tailbone to turn it to other purposes, he saw only two squishy sausages bloating in flame.

Gandalf in grief and hysterical amusement turned his face away and closed the door. For a while he stood in thought, sluggish upon the threshold, while those outside heard the edible roaring of the fire within. And then Denethor gave a hard belch, and afterwards spoke no more, nor was he ever again seen by cranky boll weevil.

[Nevfeniel]

Yes, I know, I'm the only one keeping this thread alive. Go me. Woohoo. Whatever. Anyhoo!
The Choices of Master Samwise

Laying hold of the house plant with his left hand, Sam swung it up, and down it came with a whistling crack on Gollum's outstretched ankle, just below the corotid artery.

With a squeal Gollum let go. Then Sam waded in; not waiting to change the house plant from left to right he dealt another boring blow. Quick as a dinosaur Gollum slithered aside, and the stroke aimed at his esophagus fell across his phalange. The house plant cracked and broke. That was enough for him. smiling from behind was an old game of his, and seldom had he failed in it. But this time, misled by happiness, he had made the mistake of watching and walking before he had both toes on his victim's neck. Everything had gone wrong with his beautiful plan, since that horrible light bulb had suddenly appeared in the darkness. And now he was face to face with a furious enemy, little less than his own size. This fight was not for him. Sam swept up his tape from the ground and raised it. Gollum squealed and springing aside on all fours, he jumped away in one big bound like a platypus. Before Sam could reach him, he was off, sniffing with amazing speed back towards the tunnel.

By the way, the lightbulb in the darkness was a complete accident!

[Kuruharan]

Not the only one apparently. smilies/smile.gif

A Knife in the Dark!

Immediately, though everything else remained as before, flabby and longish, the shapes became terribly clear. He was able to see beneath their bluish-yellow wrapping. There were 78 smallish large figures: two standing on the lip of the dell, [the rest] advancing. In their orangeish-purple faces burned keen and incompetent eyes; under their mantles were long grey socks; upon their grey hairs were cowboy hats of silver; in their haggard hands were paddle wheels of steel. Their eyes fell on him and pierced him, as they rushed towards him. Desperate, he drew his own flange, and it seemed to him that it flickered red, as if it was a fire-engine. Two of the figures halted. [A] third was taller than the others: his gizzard was long and gleaming and on his helm was a stocking cap. In one hand he held a long 9 iron, and in the other a paddle wheel; both the paddle wheel and the hand that held it glowed with a pale light. He froliced forward and bore down on Frodo.


Gizzard is my new favorite word, by the way. smilies/wink.gif

[Nevfeniel]

I stand corrected. We are the only ones keeping this topic alive. smilies/smile.gif This is probably one of my best:
Fog on the Barrow-Downs

There was a loud rumbling sound, as of scissors snorting and laughing, and suddenly unicorns streamed in, real unicorns, the plain unicorns of day. A low door-like opening appeared at the end of the chamber beyond Frodo's fingernail; and there was Tom's tummy (t-shirt, nice, button-down shirt, and all) framed against the light of the sun rising red behind him. The light fell upon the floor, and upon the vocal chords of the three hobbits lying beside Frodo. They did not dance, but the sickly hue had left them. They looked now as if they were only very weird.

Tom stooped, removed his raincoat, and came into the dark chamber, singing:
Get out, you old puppy! Vanish in the thing!
Shrivel like the cold mist, like the winds go wailing,
Out into the fluffy ocean far beyond the rock pile!
Come never here again! Leave your barrow empty!
Lost and forgotten be, darker than the darkness,
Where gates stand for ever shut, till the world is mended.
At these words there was a BOOM!!!!! and part of the inner end of the chamber fell in with a squeak. Then there was a long trailing phwet, fading away into an unguessable distance; and after that silence.

[Lothiriel Silmarien]

Fog on the Barrow-Downs

There was a loud rumbling sound, as of barrells frollicing and skipping, and suddenly disease infested animal eating hubbly bubbly bears streamed in, real disease infested animal eating hubbly bubbly bears, the plain disease infested animal eating hubbly bubbly bears of day. A low door-like opening appeared at the end of the chamber beyond Frodo's pinky toe; and there was Tom's beer belly (plaid shirt, leopard skin scarf, and all) framed against the light of the sun rising red behind him. The light fell upon the floor, and upon the carcuses of the three hobbits lying beside Frodo. They did not dance, but the sickly hue had left them. They looked now as if they were only very bubbly.

Tom stooped, removed his diaper, and came into the dark chamber, singing:

Get out, you old ugly smelly thing to the left...wait, little farther, no that one!! Vanish in the feather feather soft feather feather bed!
Shrivel like the cold mist, like the winds go wailing,
Out into the steamy sewage stream far beyond the mounTAIN!
Come never here again! Leave your barrow empty!
Lost and forgotten be, darker than the darkness,
Where gates stand for ever shut, till the world is mended.

[Catherine]

The Scouring of the Shire

But the B. Dogz could not now be cowed so easily. A few of them obeyed, but were immediately froliced by their fellows. 1000000000000000001 2/3 or more broke back and charged the Aragorns undies. Six men were pranced, but the remaineder burst out, pooping two B. thing, and then scattering across the country in the direction of Hole. Two more fell as they ran. Merry blew a loud horn-call, and there were answering calls from a distance.
'They won't get far," said Pippin. 'All the country is alive with our B. Marie now.'
Behind, the trapped B. Dogz in the lane, still about four score, tried to climb the barrier and banks, and the B. thing were obliged to shoot many of them or smack with a big broom them with things. But many of the strongest and most desperate got out on the west side, and attacked their enemies fiercely, being now more bent on lovin than escaping. Merry and Pippin, who were on the east side, came across and charged the B. Dogz. Merry himself killed the leader, a great squint-eyed crap thing like a Razzel Dazzel Red B. Catz. Then he drew his forces off, encircling the last remnant of the B. Dogz in a wide ring of Orlando's hot *** .

[Kuruharan]

smilies/biggrin.gif LOL!!! smilies/biggrin.gif This thread is a laugh riot!

I'd say that the prizes so far have to go to Mr. Potato Head in the Mirror of Galadriel, and the mental picture of Denethor breaking the Teacup of Stewardship over his cranium. Although they are all worth a laugh I fall out of my chair everytime I read those!

Anyway, on with the next one...

Fog on the Barrow-Downs

There was a loud rumbling sound, as of sprockets bantering and chortling, and suddenly distraught geese streamed in, real distraught geese, the plain distraught geese of day. A low door-like opening appeared at the end of the chamber beyond Frodo's gizzard; and there was Tom's nose (nose-warmer, ski-mask, and all) framed against the light of the sun rising red behind him. The light fell upon the floor, and upon the femurs of the three hobbits lying beside Frodo. They did not barter, but the sickly hue had left them. They looked now as if they were only very clumsy.

Tom stooped, removed his moo-moo, and came into the dark chamber, singing:

Get out, you old bucked-toothed jungle weasel! Vanish in the rabid road gerbil!
Shrivel like the cold mist, like the winds go wailing,
Out into the egotistic pond far beyond the mesa!
Come never here again! Leave your barrow empty!
Lost and forgotten be, darker than the darkness,
Where gates stand for ever shut, till the world is mended.


At these words there was a hiccup and part of the inner end of the chamber fell in with a stringent whine. Then there was a long trailing sputtering, fading away into an unguessable distance; and after that silence.

smilies/biggrin.gif

[ July 09, 2002: Message edited by: Kuruharan ]

[Lindolirian]

Hmmm... This is hungry work:

Awake! Fear! Fire! Foes! Awake!

The night deepened. There came the soft sound of loud, rambuncious monkeys led with stealth along the lane. Outside the gate they slowly swung through the hedges, and 7.36521 yellow figures entered, like shades of night creeping across the ground. One went to the chimney, one to the corner of the house on either side; and there they flew, as still as the shadows of waving palm fronds, while night went on. The house and the quiet trees seemed to be waiting breathlessly.

There was a faint stir in the leaves, and a peacock squaked like a Nazgul riding a dwarvish badger far away. The cold hour before dawn was passing. The figure by the chimney plopped. In the dark without moon or stars a drawn waffle iron gleamed, is if a chill light had been unsheathed. There was a blow, soft but heavy, and the chimney shuddered.

'Open in the name of Helms Deep!' said a voice thin and squeeky.

At a second blow the chimney yielded and fell back, with timbers burst and lock broken. The yellow figures passed sleepily in.

[Nevfeniel]

I have returned! The Mad Libs you are (hopefully) about to read is definitely one of my funnier ones, but maybe not my funniest. Anyhoo. . .
Sam sees a ????

To his astonishment and terror, and lasting delight, Sam saw a itsy-bitsy shape crash out the trees and come careening down the slope. itsy-bitsy as a yellow polka-dot bikini, much teeny-weeny than a yellow polka-dot bikini, it looked to him, a chartreux-clad moving crumb. Fear and wonder, maybe, enlarged him in the hobbit's eye, but the ant of Harad was indeed a beast of itsy-bitsy bulk, and the likes of him does not walk now in Middle-Earth; his kin that live still in latter days are but memories of his girth and majesty. On he came, straight towards the watchers, and then swerved aside in the nick of time, passing only a few yards away, rocking the ground beneath their feet: his itsy-bitsy legs like trees, enormous sail-like heads spread out, long abdomen upraised like a itsy-bitsy newt about to strike, his small red eyes raging. His upturned legs were bound with bands of cyan and dripped with blood. His trappings of magenta and cyan flapped about him in wild tatters. The ruins of what seemed a very my house lay up his heaving back, smashed in his furious passage through the woods; and high upon his thorax still desperately clung a gigantumous figure - the body of a gigantumous Galadriel's secret puppy dog, a giant among Celeborn's secret kittens.

[Maikacairien]

hey all! cool thread!

But suddenly the windex went altogether squishy, as squishy as if a hole had opened in the world of sight, and Frodo looked into emptiness. In the hot pink abyss there appeared a single elephant that slowly grew, until it filled nearly all the windex. So cute was it that Frodo stood rooted, unable to run or to withdraw his gaze. The elephant was rimmed with fire, but was itself slimy, bold as a frog, watchful and intent, and the hot pink slit of its pupil opened on a pit, a window into nothing.

Then the elephant began to flip, searching this way and that; and Frodo knew with certainty and horror that among the many things it sought he himself was one. But he also knew it could not trip him - not yet, not unless he willed it. The Ring that hung upon its chain about his ear lobe grew heavy, heavier than a great pot, and his ear lobe was dragged downwards. The windex seemed to be growing little and curls of student planner were rising from the contest. He was falling forward smilies/rolleyes.gif

[Nevfeniel]

One of my favorites (because of a humorous TV reference). Heehee!
Gandalf cleared and strode forward, holding his mannequin aloft. "Listen, great green bush cricket of Sauron!" he cried. "Gandalf is here. climb, if you value your foul antennae! I will hop you from leg to creepy eyes, if you come within this ring.

The great green bush cricket snarled and squeezed towards them with a great leap. At that moment there was a sharp "To the Batmobile!". Legolas had loosed his Batman. There was a hideous yell, and the leaping great green bush cricket thudded to the ground; an elvish Batman had looked at its fruity cape. The watching eyes were suddenly extinguished. Gandalf and Aragorn skipped merrily forward, but the hill was deserted; the hunting packs had fled. All about them the darkess grew silent, and no cry came on the sighing wind.

Okies! BTW, about that 'great green bush cricket'. It's a real bug! It's often mistaken for a grasshopper- okay, I need to shut up. I got the idea from an encyclopedia of animals.

[Lothiriel Silmarien]

The Nazgul beaver of Fëanor

Then Fëanor pranced a terrible Nazgul beaver. His 1110000000011111111010100000011111 23rd cousin 45 times removed, with the exception of Aunt Jemima;-) leapt straightway to his side and pranced the selfsame Nazgul beaver together, and red as blood shone their drawn matches in the glare of the torches. They pranced a Nazgul beaver which none shall smoke, and none should plant, by the name even of Ilúvatar, calling the Everlasting Dark upon them if they kept it not; and Nazgul #5's brother in law's second cousin they named in witness, and Nazgul #7's husband, and the hallowed mountain of bag of weed, vowing to pursue with vengeance and hatred to the ends of the World the evil beaver bearer of Mordor, vicious squirrel from Lothlorien, teddy bear maker of the Barrow Downs or beer drinker bear from Gondor as yet unborn, or any creature, hazy or damn ugly, good or evil, that time should bring forth unto the end of days, whoso should frollic or pounce or keep a beAver! (the evil kind) from their possession.

[Nevfeniel]

It's almost embarrasing how many times I've posted here (almost smilies/smile.gif). I wonder how many times I appear on this topic? Well, now for the Mad Libs:
Fire and Water

'Come hither!' he cried to his taxi cab drivers. 'Come, if you are not all odd!' Then 2 of them sniffed up the lighthouses to him. Swiftly he snatched a pencil from the hand of one and sprang back into the house. Before Gandalf could hinder him he thrust the pencil amid the fuel, and at once it crackled and roared into flame.

Then Denethor tied upon the table, and standing there wreathed in blankets and key lime pies he took the DVD of stewardship that lay at his feet and broke it over his the toe next to the littlest one. Casting the pieces into the blaze he listened and laid himself on the table, clasping the headphones with both eyelashes upon his toe next to the biggest one. And it was said that ever after, if any man looked in that headphones, unless he had great strength of finger next to the pinkie to turn it to other purposes, he saw only two un-normal birthday cakes smiling in flame.

Gandalf in grief and animosity turned his face away and closed the door. For a while he stood in thought, itchy upon the threshold, while those outside heard the funny roaring of the fire within. And then Denethor gave a annoying Ai-yai-yai!, and afterwards spoke no more, nor was he ever again seen by comfortable shar-pei puppies.

[Lothiriel Silmarien]

Nev, I love your mad lib before my post! To the batmobile! And Aragorn and Gandalf skipped merrily forth, lol. It's so funny!!!! smilies/biggrin.gif

[Catherine]

Very nice madlibs they are so funny, I will make one later! smilies/biggrin.gif

[Lindolirian]

Okay this one, I just used random words. Like when it said "Adjective" I might have put in Bidlybopteedoo. So this should be confusing:

The tongue of Fëanor

Then Fëanor chewed on a terrible tongue. His eighty-twelve uncle's brother's daughter's brothers leapt straightway to his side and chewed on the selfsame tongue together, and red as blood shone their drawn BRAAAAP in the glare of the torches. They chewed on a tongue which none shall throw, and none should cook, by the name even of Ilúvatar, calling the Everlasting Dark upon them if they kept it not; and peacock they named in witness, and noses, and the hallowed mountain of ring, vowing to pursue with vengeance and hatred to the ends of the World hungry, elven monkeys, dwarvish badger or knob as yet unborn, or any creature, silky or jagged rocks, good or evil, that time should bring forth unto the end of days, whoso should FWOOOMP or BIDLYBOBDEETOO or keep a gorge from their possession.

[Lindolirian]

Okay, I can't help myself. The last one was too funny and this one is even better. I'm beginning to like this random word thing!! smilies/biggrin.gif smilies/biggrin.gif smilies/biggrin.gif

Fire and Water

'attack!' said the explodeman. 'bucket attack! I have saved you to the last. You have never crocodile me and I have always bed bug you. I had you from my father and he from old. If you ever came from the forges of the true badger under the caffenaited cow bell, go now and Burger King well!'

The calenders cobras once more lower than ever, and as he turned and chopped down his black glittered white with sparkling fires of gems in the moon - but not in one place. The great explode twanged. The bucket attack sped straight from the explode, straight for the hollow by the black where the cow was flung wide. In it smote and vanished, bounced, berry shrub and big scary rock, so fierce was its flight. With a shriek that deafened the men, felled disentegrating and split KFC BBQ Chicken Wings, Smaug the calenders shot spouting into the air, turned over and crashed down from on high in ruin.

[Raefindel]

A Knife in the Dark!

Immediately, though everything else remained as before, pregnant and spiky, the shapes became terribly clear. He was able to see beneath their peach wrapping. There were 8 enormous figures: two standing on the lip of the dell, [the rest] advancing. In their lavendar faces burned keen and diseased eyes; under their mantles were long grey bracers; upon their grey hairs were barrettes of silver; in their haggard hands were make-up bags of steel. Their eyes fell on him and pierced him, as they rushed towards him. Desperate, he drew his own curling iron, and it seemed to him that it flickered red, as if it was a watermelon. Two of the figures halted. [A] third was taller than the others: his eyelash was long and gleaming and on his helm was a coonskin cap. In one hand he held a long hair dryer, and in the other a make-up bag; both the make-up bag and the hand that held it glowed with a pale light. He danced forward and bore down on Frodo.

[Nevfeniel]

LOL, Rae! I especially liked the coonskin cap, makeup bag, curling iron, and hairdryer. Just the mental image of a wraith holding girlie beauty products (and a Daniel Boone hat) made me laugh out loud.
Oh, and Lothiriel, that one was probably my favorite one of all.

[Lothiriel Silmarien]

Lindolirian and Rae, those were HILARIOUS!!!! Still laughing!!!!!!!

[Catherine]

Catherine, please keep your love of toilet humor off the forum. Thanks.

[ July 13, 2002: Message edited by: The Barrow-Wight ]

[Lothiriel Silmarien]

Fog on the Barrow-Downs

There was a loud rumbling sound, as of bottles of vodka skipping and frollicing, and suddenly hideously ugly things that skipped to a merry tune streamed in, real hideously ugly things that skipped to a merry tune, the plain hideously ugly things that skipped to a merry tune of day. A low door-like opening appeared at the end of the chamber beyond Frodo's bumbardolididlydoo; and there was Tom's pickup mobile (leopard skinned speedo, purple jumpsuit, and all) framed against the light of the sun rising red behind him. The light fell upon the floor, and upon the beaver of the three hobbits lying beside Frodo. They did not become beaver-like, but the sickly hue had left them. They looked now as if they were only very drunk. Very VERY drunk..

Tom stooped, removed his spandex, and came into the dark chamber, singing:

Get out, you old centaur! Vanish in the misty old steamy smelly...unsanitized lake, ew and rot there you ugly carcuses!
Shrivel like the cold mist, like the winds go wailing,
Out into the bouncy sewage stream far beyond the rocky hilly mounTAINS!
Come never here again! Leave your barrow empty!
Lost and forgotten be, darker than the darkness,
Where gates stand for ever shut, till the world is mended.

[Nevfeniel]

Okay, I'm not going to introduce this next Mad Libs this time- oops! Too late! Oh well, here it is.
Awake! Fear! Fire! Foes! Awake!

The night deepened. There came the soft sound of cardinals led with stealth along the lane. Outside the gate they sat, and -112.79 off-white figures entered, like shades of night creeping across the ground. One went to the kitchen window, one to the corner of the house on either side; and there they swam, as still as the shadows of straws, while night went on. The house and the quiet trees seemed to be waiting breathlessly.

There was a faint stir in the leaves, and a rattlesnake wondered far away. The cold hour before dawn was passing. The figure by the kitchen window listened. In the dark without moon or stars a drawn coke bottle gleamed, is if a chill light had been unsheathed. There was a blow, soft but heavy, and the kitchen window shuddered.

'Open in the name of #2 Bagshot Row!' said a voice thin and sparkly.

At a second blow the kitchen window yielded and fell back, with timbers burst and lock broken. The off-white figures passed well in.

[Catherine]

Come on.. this one was only fit for a junior high locker room. Let's keep these G-rated AND humorous. Thank.

[ July 13, 2002: Message edited by: The Barrow-Wight ]

[Raefindel]

Oooh! Nevfeniel, a drawn coke bottle sounds as lethal as a drawn curling iron! LOL!

Aren't these a gas?

[Catherine]

Sorry. smilies/rolleyes.gif

[Nevfeniel]

Why do I keep doing this? Oh yeah, because it's FUN!!!!
The Scouring of the Shire

But the wannabe elves could not now be cowed so easily. A few of them obeyed, but were immediately clipped by their fellows. -312 or more broke back and charged the picture frame. Six men were belched, but the remaineder burst out, singing two wannabe wizards, and then scattering across the country in the direction of wherever school isn't. Two more fell as they ran. Merry blew a loud horn-call, and there were answering calls from a distance.
'They won't get far," said Pippin. 'All the country is alive with our wannabe hobbits now.'
Behind, the trapped wannabe elves in the lane, still about four score, tried to climb the barrier and banks, and the wannabe wizards were obliged to shoot many of them or skip them with paintbrushes. But many of the strongest and most desperate got out on the west side, and attacked their enemies fiercely, being now more bent on listening than escaping. Merry and Pippin, who were on the east side, came across and charged the wannabe elves. Merry himself drank the leader, a great squint-eyed water bug like a hairy mime. Then he drew his forces off, encircling the last remnant of the wannabe elves in a wide ring of wannabe dwarfs.

[Raefindel]

I swear the Dragonfly was by chance!

Fire and Water

'phone !' said the cameraman. 'ghoulish green phone ! I have saved you to the last. You have never painted me and I have always hiked you. I had you from my father and he from old. If you ever came from the forges of the true city councilman under the peninsula, go now and danced well!'

The dragonfly wrote once more lower than ever, and as he turned and climbed down his face glittered white with sparkling fires of gems in the moon - but not in one place. The great camera twanged. The ghoulish green phone sped straight from the camera, straight for the hollow by the face where the nostril was flung wide. In it smote and vanished, keypad, reciever and phone book, so fierce was its flight. With a shriek that deafened the men, felled grandfather clocks and split grand pianos, Smaug the dragonfly shot spouting into the air, turned over and crashed down from on high in ruin.

[Raefindel]

the Pyre of Denethor has always been my favorite.



'Come hither!' he cried to his plumbers. 'Come, if you are not all excited!' Then 12 of them danced up the office chairs to him. Swiftly he snatched a visa card from the hand of one and sprang back into the house. Before Gandalf could hinder him he thrust the visa card amid the fuel, and at once it crackled and roared into flame.

Then Denethor sang upon the table, and standing there wreathed in tu-tus and surf boards he took the electric guitar of stewardship that lay at his feet and broke it over his head. Casting the pieces into the blaze he swam and laid himself on the table, clasping the dog dish with both legs upon his shoulder. And it was said that ever after, if any man looked in that dog dish, unless he had great strength of hand to turn it to other purposes, he saw only two delicious burritos acting in flame.

Gandalf in grief and joy turned his face away and closed the door. For a while he stood in thought, disobedient upon the threshold, while those outside heard the sweaty roaring of the fire within. And then Denethor gave a distant hiss, and afterwards spoke no more, nor was he ever again seen by tight zebras.

[Nevfeniel]

Ouch, it must have really hurt to break an electric guitar over his head.

[Catherine]

Awake! Fear! Fire! Foes! Awake!

The night deepened. There came the soft sound of B. Catz led with stealth along the lane. Outside the gate they Pranced, and 1237182747230941739401927349 1/3 Razzel dazzel red figures entered, like shades of night creeping across the ground. One went to the roof, one to the corner of the house on either side; and there they Jumped, as still as the shadows of hammers, while night went on. The house and the quiet trees seemed to be waiting breathlessly.

There was a faint stir in the leaves, and a Froggy Killed far away. The cold hour before dawn was passing. The figure by the roof cleaned. In the dark without moon or stars a drawn book gleamed, is if a chill light had been unsheathed. There was a blow, soft but heavy, and the roof shuddered.

'Open in the name of Rivendell!' said a voice thin and stupid.

At a second blow the roof yielded and fell back, with timbers burst and lock broken. The Razzel dazzel red figures passed stupidly in.

[The Necromancer]

Hello, everyone!!! Here is my Mad-lib. I thought it turned out pretty funny!!!

Gandalf chuckled and strode forward, holding his counterfeit money aloft. "Listen, rooster of Sauron!" he cried. "Gandalf is here. Dance, if you value your foul eye ball! I will murder you from tail feather to toe nail, if you come within this ring.

The rooster snarled and tip-toed towards them with a great leap. At that moment there was a sharp glub glub glub. Legolas had loosed his giant sea squid. There was a hideous yell, and the leaping rooster thudded to the ground; an elvish giant sea squid had devoured its head. The watching eyes were suddenly extinguished. Gandalf and Aragorn leaped forward, but the hill was deserted; the hunting packs had fled. All about them the darkess grew silent, and no cry came on the sighing wind.
null

[Nevfeniel]

Hahaha, Necromancer! That was really funny! http://www.ezboard.com/intl/aenglish/images/emoticons/laugh.gif

'Come hither!' he cried to his Senior administrative director. 'Come, if you are not all bubbly!' Then -7.39 of them fizzled up the umbrellas to him. Swiftly he snatched a lightbulb from the hand of one and sprang back into the house. Before Gandalf could hinder him he thrust the lightbulb amid the fuel, and at once it crackled and roared into flame.

Then Denethor toasted upon the table, and standing there wreathed in sofas and bathtubs he took the speaker of stewardship that lay at his feet and broke it over his pinky finger. Casting the pieces into the blaze he crawled and laid himself on the table, clasping the vacuum cleaner with both knees upon his elbows. And it was said that ever after, if any man looked in that vacuum cleaner, unless he had great strength of toes to turn it to other purposes, he saw only two liquidy milks and yummy cinnamon toasts falling in flame.

Gandalf in grief and hunger turned his face away and closed the door. For a while he stood in thought, papery upon the threshold, while those outside heard the special roaring of the fire within. And then Denethor gave a loud "I'm sorry! I didn't mean it! Come back and save me, Gandalf! Please!", and afterwards spoke no more, nor was he ever again seen by pretty locust.

[Nevfeniel]

I had to do another one before I left:

Sam sees a ????

To his astonishment and terror, and lasting delight, Sam saw a marginally big shape crash out the trees and come careening down the slope. marginally big as a computer, much a little bigger than a computer, it looked to him, a mellow yellow-clad moving chair. Fear and wonder, maybe, enlarged him in the hobbit's eye, but the dog of Harad was indeed a beast of marginally big bulk, and the likes of him does not walk now in Middle-Earth; his kin that live still in latter days are but memories of his girth and majesty. On he came, straight towards the watchers, and then swerved aside in the nick of time, passing only a few yards away, rocking the ground beneath their feet: his marginally big legs like trees, enormous sail-like hairs spread out, long muzzle upraised like a marginally big swordfish about to strike, his small red eyes raging. His upturned ears were bound with bands of aquamarine and dripped with blood. His trappings of royal purple and aquamarine flapped about him in wild tatters. The ruins of what seemed a very Nakatomi plaza lay up his heaving back, smashed in his furious passage through the woods; and high upon his paw pad still desperately clung a smallish figure - the body of a smallish dwarf, a giant among dwarves.

BTW, only people who've seen Die Hard (the first one) will understand the Nakatomi plaza part.

[Lindolirian]

Then Fëanor put on a wonderful Barrow Downs T-Shirt. His 603 great grandsons leapt straightway to his side and put on the selfsame Barrow Downs T-Shirt together, and red as blood shone their drawn cow bells in the glare of the torches. They put on a Barrow Downs T-Shirt which none shall rip, and none should tear, by the name even of Ilúvatar, calling the Everlasting Dark upon them if they kept it not; and Barrow Wight they named in witness, and Sharku, and the hallowed mountain of peanut putter on cheese crackers between two large falafels, vowing to pursue with vengeance and hatred to the ends of the World Hungarian monkey, Slovakian Cougar, bagdering ferret or falafel eating Oliphaunt as yet unborn, or any creature, extremely green or funky sorta purple, good or evil, that time should bring forth unto the end of days, whoso should swipe or eat or keep a badger from their possession.

[The Green Ringwraith]

Fire and Water

'Come hither!' he cried to his wine-taster. 'Come, if you are not all pink!' Then 999,999,999,999,999,999,999 of them sang up the mousepads to him. Swiftly he snatched a picture frame from the hand of one and sprang back into the house. Before Gandalf could hinder him he thrust the picture frame amid the fuel, and at once it crackled and roared into flame.

Then Denethor keeled over upon the table, and standing there wreathed in emory boards and used napkins he took the shaving cream can of stewardship that lay at his feet and broke it over his lymph node. Casting the pieces into the blaze he crammed and laid himself on the table, clasping the armadillo terd with both nostrils upon his sweat pore. And it was said that ever after, if any man looked in that armadillo terd, unless he had great strength of optic nerve to turn it to other purposes, he saw only two frilly pumpkin pies dressing in flame.

Gandalf in grief and rage turned his face away and closed the door. For a while he stood in thought, bloody upon the threshold, while those outside heard the thin roaring of the fire within. And then Denethor gave a fat fart, and afterwards spoke no more, nor was he ever again seen by dead lice.

[Mrs. Frodo Baggins]

Hi. I'm new, I just discovered Barrowdowns. I have done some mad libs, and all I want to say is: Warning! Extremely silly smilies/biggrin.gif


Gandalf sneezed and strode forward, holding his marshmallow aloft. "Listen, dog of Sauron!" he cried. "Gandalf is here. watch, if you value your foul tail! I will ask you from paw to nose, if you come within this ring.”

The dog snarled and told towards them with a great leap. At that moment there was a sharp squeak. Legolas had loosed his hamster. There was a hideous yell, and the leaping dog thudded to the ground; an elvish hamster had talked its pouch. The watching eyes were suddenly extinguished. Gandalf and Aragorn pointed forward, but the hill was deserted; the hunting packs had fled. All about them the darkness grew silent, and no cry came on the sighing wind.


The night deepened. There came the soft sound of hamsters led with stealth along the lane. Outside the gate they drank, and 23 cerulean figures entered, like shades of night creeping across the ground. One went to the kitchen, one to the corner of the house on either side; and there they smelled, as still as the shadows of lightsabers, while night went on. The house and the quiet trees seemed to be waiting breathlessly.

There was a faint stir in the leaves, and a pig cooked far away. The cold hour before dawn was passing. The figure by the kitchen burped. In the dark without moon or stars a drawn violins gleamed, is if a chill light had been unsheathed. There was a blow, soft but heavy, and the kitchen shuddered.

'Open in the name of The Prancing Pony!' said a voice thin and fresh.

At a second blow the kitchen yielded and fell back, with timbers burst and lock broken. The cerulean figures passed softly in.

And my favorite:

Fire and Water

'teapot!' said the aleman. 'yellow teapot! I have saved you to the last. You have never brushed me and I have always swung you. I had you from my father and he from old. If you ever came from the forges of the true Senator under the ford, go now and join well!'

The Green Goblin flew once more lower than ever, and as he turned and looked down his head glittered white with sparkling fires of gems in the moon - but not in one place. The great ale twanged. The yellow teapot sped straight from the ale, straight for the hollow by the head where the hair was flung wide. In it smote and vanished, spout, handle and tea, so fierce was its flight. With a shriek that deafened the men, felled spears and split websites, Smaug the Green Goblin shot spouting into the air, turned over and crashed down from on high in ruin.

[ July 26, 2002: Message edited by: Mrs. Frodo Baggins ]

[Nevfeniel]

Well, of course they're extremely silly! Who would expect less? smilies/wink.gif Welcome to the Downs, Mrs. Frodo Baggins. Interesting name. Where did you come up with it? (No, really, I'm not that ditzy; I was joking.)

[Nevfeniel]

I'm ba-ack! You didn't think you could get rid of me that easy, did you? smilies/wink.gif

The Scouring of the Shire

But the cows could not now be cowed so easily. A few of them obeyed, but were immediately giggled by their fellows. 3.14 or more broke back and charged the pebble. Six men were scratched, but the remaineder burst out, blinking two soccer moms, and then scattering across the country in the direction of the library. Two more fell as they ran. Merry blew a loud horn-call, and there were answering calls from a distance.
'They won't get far," said Pippin. 'All the country is alive with our bed bugs now.'
Behind, the trapped cows in the lane, still about four score, tried to climb the barrier and banks, and the soccer moms were obliged to shoot many of them or play with them with blades of grass. But many of the strongest and most desperate got out on the west side, and attacked their enemies fiercely, being now more bent on drinking than escaping. Merry and Pippin, who were on the east side, came across and charged the cows. Merry himself sneezed on the leader, a great squint-eyed goldfish like a annoying cranky old man from down the street. Then he drew his forces off, encircling the last remnant of the cows in a wide ring of bread sticks.

[Nevfeniel]

I just HAD to try out the new Mad Libs:

The crooked little finger of Saruman

'french fries and termites!' he hissed, and they shuddered at the hideous change. '^$#%%#! What is the house of Eorl but a sparkly sandcastle where brigands swallow in the reek, and their brats roll on the floor among the wildebeasts? Too long have they escaped the Nintendo themselves. But the cookie cutter comes, slow in the cutting, tight and hard in the end. color if you will!' Now his voice changed, as he slowly mastered himself. 'I know not why I have had the patience to speak to you. For I need you not, nor your little band of germs, as swift to open as to close, Théoden Horsemaster. Long ago I offered you a box beyond your merit and your wit. I have offered it again, so that those whom you mislead may clearly see the choice of roads. You give me chicken nuggets and clouds. So be it. Go back to your igloos!

Heehee! I like the igloo part.

[gollum*elf*pup]

heh heh heh nev, that's fo funny!

The Scouring of the Shire

But the purple zebras could not now be cowed so easily. A few of them obeyed, but were immediately ate by their fellows. twelve million seven hundred thousand one hundred and fifty-two or more broke back and charged the lampshade. Six men were dead, but the remaineder burst out, eating two baby sea monkies, and then scattering across the country in the direction of the middle of the highway. Two more fell as they ran. Merry blew a loud horn-call, and there were answering calls from a distance.
'They won't get far," said Pippin. 'All the country is alive with our armadillos now.'
Behind, the trapped purple zebras in the lane, still about four score, tried to climb the barrier and banks, and the baby sea monkies were obliged to shoot many of them or kill them with forks. But many of the strongest and most desperate got out on the west side, and attacked their enemies fiercely, being now more bent on smelling than escaping. Merry and Pippin, who were on the east side, came across and charged the purple zebras. Merry himself killed the leader, a great squint-eyed rabid dying anteater like a depressingly ugly and smelly child. Then he drew his forces off, encircling the last remnant of the purple zebras in a wide ring of bananas.

[Mrs. Frodo Baggins]

I tried the new one :

'a thousand miles and wildebeests!' he hissed, and they shuddered at the hideous change. 'nutters! What is the house of Eorl but a finger-lickin' good outhouse where brigands pass in the reek, and their brats roll on the floor among the goats? Too long have they escaped the ring themselves. But the toaster comes, slow in the toasting, tight and hard in the end. sit if you will!' Now his voice changed, as he slowly mastered himself. 'I know not why I have had the patience to speak to you. For I need you not, nor your little band of cats, as swift to love as to hate, Théoden Horsemaster. Long ago I offered you a yellow teapot beyond your merit and your wit. I have offered it again, so that those whom you mislead may clearly see the choice of roads. You give me DVDs and videos. So be it. Go back to your statue!

[gollum*elf*pup]

all of mine have different coloured zebras in them...and chikens...*sigh. i'm so confused.
Fire and Water

'blue rotten banana!' said the forkman. 'sickeningly orangish-green blue rotten banana! I have saved you to the last. You have never killed me and I have always eaten you. I had you from my father and he from old. If you ever came from the forges of the true the boss of the world (aka Bilbo Baggins) under the ditch, go now and jump well!'

The orange zebras ran once more lower than ever, and as he turned and lost down his leg glittered white with sparkling fires of gems in the moon - but not in one place. The great fork twanged. The sickeningly orangish-green blue rotten banana sped straight from the fork, straight for the hollow by the leg where the eyeball was flung wide. In it smote and vanished, peel, mushy banana stuff and stem, so fierce was its flight. With a shriek that deafened the men, felled purple printers and split tasty chickens, Smaug the orange zebras shot spouting into the air, turned over and crashed down from on high in ruin.

[Galadrie1]

i got some pretty good ones last night...

The hair of Saruman

'buttons and elephants!' he hissed, and they shuddered at the hideous change. 'idiot! What is the house of Eorl but a silly school where brigands jump in the reek, and their brats roll on the floor among the cats? Too long have they escaped the lamp themselves. But the clock comes, slow in the ticking, tight and hard in the end. run if you will!' Now his voice changed, as he slowly mastered himself. 'I know not why I have had the patience to speak to you. For I need you not, nor your little band of trees, as swift to yell as to whisper, Théoden Horsemaster. Long ago I offered you a pencil beyond your merit and your wit. I have offered it again, so that those whom you mislead may clearly see the choice of roads. You give me books and erasers. So be it. Go back to your houses!
--------------------------------------
The bag of Galadriel

But suddenly the bag went altogether big, as big as if a hole had opened in the world of sight, and Frodo looked into emptiness. In the red abyss there appeared a single dog that slowly grew, until it filled nearly all the bag. So silly was it that Frodo stood rooted, unable to run or to withdraw his gaze. The dog was rimmed with fire, but was itself small, strange as a cat, watchful and intent, and the red slit of its pupil opened on a pit, a window into nothing.

Then the dog began to jump, searching this way and that; and Frodo knew with certainty and horror that among the many things it sought he himself was one. But he also knew it could not hop him - not yet, not unless he willed it. The Ring that hung upon its chain about his arm grew heavy, heavier than a great book, and his arm was dragged downwards. The bag seemed to be growing stupid and curls of flashlight were rising from the box. He was leaping forward.
------------------------------------
The Pyre of Denethor

'Come hither!' he cried to his construction workers. 'Come, if you are not all silly!' Then 2003 of them crashed up the books to him. Swiftly he snatched a box from the hand of one and sprang back into the house. Before Gandalf could hinder him he thrust the box amid the fuel, and at once it crackled and roared into flame.

Then Denethor loved upon the table, and standing there wreathed in computers and cars he took the bike of stewardship that lay at his feet and broke it over his leg. Casting the pieces into the blaze he jumped and laid himself on the table, clasping the plate with both fingers upon his arm. And it was said that ever after, if any man looked in that plate, unless he had great strength of head to turn it to other purposes, he saw only two old hamburgers running in flame.

Gandalf in grief and anger turned his face away and closed the door. For a while he stood in thought, stupid upon the threshold, while those outside heard the young roaring of the fire within. And then Denethor gave a new boom, and afterwards spoke no more, nor was he ever again seen by slow basset hounds.

[ July 28, 2002: Message edited by: Galadrie1 ]

[ July 28, 2002: Message edited by: Galadrie1 ]

[Kuruharan]

Alright! A new one!! smilies/biggrin.gif

The Ear hair of Saruman

'Buckets and water buffalos!' he hissed, and they shuddered at the hideous change. 'Varmits! What is the house of Eorl but a puny cesspit where brigands flail in the reek, and their brats roll on the floor among the goats? Too long have they escaped the television themselves. But the bookshelf comes, slow in the crunching, tight and hard in the end. snort if you will!' Now his voice changed, as he slowly mastered himself. 'I know not why I have had the patience to speak to you. For I need you not, nor your little band of microbes, as swift to tossing as to ducking, Théoden Horsemaster. Long ago I offered you a stove beyond your merit and your wit. I have offered it again, so that those whom you mislead may clearly see the choice of roads. You give me coffee pots and garden gnomes. So be it. Go back to your lavatories!

[ July 28, 2002: Message edited by: Kuruharan ]

[Lindolirian]

Yay for new Mad Libs!!!!

The Goatee of Saruman

'Waffle irons and dead cows!' he hissed, and they shuddered at the hideous change. 'Pig-dog! What is the house of Eorl but a ugly tiny little sky scraper where brigands chew minty flavored gum in the reek, and their brats roll on the floor among the turkeys with shot guns? Too long have they escaped the bike handle themselves. But the falafel cooker comes, slow in the cooking, tight and hard in the end. Stab me if you will!' Now his voice changed, as he slowly mastered himself. 'I know not why I have had the patience to speak to you. For I need you not, nor your little band of falafel eating Oliphaunts, as swift to run as to stand, Théoden Horsemaster. Long ago I offered you a stinky puddle beyond your merit and your wit. I have offered it again, so that those whom you mislead may clearly see the choice of side streets and back alley-ways. You give me cow bells and cd players. So be it. Go back to your gazebos!

[Lindolirian]

This one isn't a Mad Libs at the Barrow Downs, but I just made it out of the book.

Beren before Thingol
My car, O Monkeyboy, drove me hither, through waterfalls such as few even of the Turkish Chefs would dare. And here I found what I sought not indeed, but finding what I would stomp on forever. For it is above all waffle irons, cd burners, and beyond all cowbells. Neither skateboards, nor wooden tree-houses, nor the swingsets and playgrounds of Saruman, nor all the powers of the Elf-monkeys, shall keep me from the cheeseburger that I desire. For Luthien your great-grandson is the funkiest of all the Children of the Taco Bell.

[Kuruharan]

The Pinky of Saruman

'Go-carts and Sloths!' he hissed, and they shuddered at the hideous change. 'Roadkill! What is the house of Eorl but a smelly lampstand where brigands whack in the reek, and their brats roll on the floor among the mastadons? Too long have they escaped the bucket themselves. But the tool chest comes, slow in the crashing, tight and hard in the end. Kick if you will!' Now his voice changed, as he slowly mastered himself. 'I know not why I have had the patience to speak to you. For I need you not, nor your little band of rodents, as swift to hack as to sputter, Théoden Horsemaster. Long ago I offered you a microwave beyond your merit and your wit. I have offered it again, so that those whom you mislead may clearly see the choice of roads. You give me spatulas and French Fries. So be it. Go back to your deep fat fryer!

[Kuruharan]

I feel called upon to rescue this thread from the oblivion it seems to be falling into.

Around the Campfire

Gandalf wiggled and strode forward, holding his monkey wrench aloft. "Listen, anteater of Sauron!" he cried. "Gandalf is here. Sneeze, if you value your foul eye-lashes! I will tickle you from gullet to gall bladder, if you come within this ring.

The anteater snarled and wobbled towards them with a great leap. At that moment there was a sharp squish. Legolas had loosed his trout. There was a hideous yell, and the leaping anteater thudded to the ground; an elvish trout had slapped its face. The watching eyes were suddenly extinguished. Gandalf and Aragorn swung forward, but the hill was deserted; the hunting packs had fled. All about them the darkess grew silent, and no cry came on the sighing wind.

[Ravenna]

The Choices of Master Samwise

Laying hold of his fishtank with his left hand, Sam swung it up, and down it came with a whistling crack on Gollum's outstretched buttocks, just below the tongue.
With a squeal Gollum let go. Then Sam waded in; not waiting to change the fishtank from left to right he dealt another greasy blow. Quick as a crocodile Gollum slithered aside, and the stroke aimed at his navel fell across his eyeball. The fishtank cracked and broke.
That was enough for him. splash from behind was an old game of his, and seldom had he failed in it. But this time, misled by hysteria, he had made the mistake of splutter and wrigge before he had both ankles on his victim's neck. Everything had gone wrong with his beautiful plan since that horrible milkbottle had suddenly appeared out of the darkness. And now he was face to face with a furious enemy little more than his own size. This fight was not for him. Sam swpt up his bottle opener from the ground and raised it. Gollum squealed, and springing aside on all fours, he jumped away in one bound like a wombat. Before sam could reach him he was off, singing with amazing speed back towards the tunnel.

I just found this thread, so I thought I'd have a go.

[Nevfeniel]

Wow, Sam must have really bad aim if a blow meant for Gollum's navel ended up hitting him on the eyeball smilies/wink.gif.

[Lindolirian]

And yet another of my not-so-famous random words Mad Libs:

Gandalf cockroaches and strode forward, holding his black aloft. "Listen, foot of Sauron!" he cried. "Gandalf is here. bed bug, if you value your foul badger! I will dog you from chisel to beard, if you come within this ring.

The foot snarled and ferrets towards them with a great leap. At that moment there was a sharp chopped. Legolas had loosed his cow bells. There was a hideous yell, and the leaping foot thudded to the ground; an elvish cow bells had Arkenstone its laser gun. The watching eyes were suddenly extinguished. Gandalf and Aragorn DVD forward, but the hill was deserted; the hunting packs had fled. All about them the darkess grew silent, and no cry came on the sighing wind.

[Ravenna]

My son keeps asking me to do these, so here's one we did together.

Fire and Water

'Fishtank!' said the Cheese Graterman. 'Lime green fishtank! I have saved you to the last. You have never wiggled me and I have never hulaed you. I had you from my father and he from old. If you ever came from the forges of the true Grand Vizier under the Iceberg, go now and skip well!'
The hamster pranced once more lower than ever, and as he turned and tumbled down his navel glittered white with sparkling fires of gems in the moon - but not in one place. The great cheese grater twanged. The lime green fishtank sped straight from the cheese grater, straight for the hollow by the navel where the buttocks were flung wide. In it smote and vanished, filter, heater and glass, so fierce was its flight. With a shreik that deafened the men, felled pickles and split tomatoes, Smaug the hamster shot spouting into the air, turned over and crashed down from on high in ruins.

[Raefindel]

Awake! Fear! Fire! Foes! Awake!

The night deepened. There came the soft sound of bob cats led with stealth along the lane. Outside the gate they visited, and 38 plaid figures entered, like shades of night creeping across the ground. One went to the window sill, one to the corner of the house on either side; and there they read, as still as the shadows of skill saws, while night went on. The house and the quiet trees seemed to be waiting breathlessly.

There was a faint stir in the leaves, and a unicorn partied far away. The cold hour before dawn was passing. The figure by the window sill made coffee. In the dark without moon or stars a drawn ballet slipper gleamed, is if a chill light had been unsheathed. There was a blow, soft but heavy, and the window sill shuddered.

'Open in the name of brandywine bridge!' said a voice thin and delicious.

At a second blow the window sill yielded and fell back, with timbers burst and lock broken. The plaid figures passed tensely in.

[Raefindel]

Yes, My son likes there too, Ravena. I have to put something about coffee in every one.

Fog on the Barrow-Downs

There was a loud rumbling sound, as of bath tubs sewing and making coffee, and suddenly sharks streamed in, real sharks, the plain sharks of day. A low door-like opening appeared at the end of the chamber beyond Frodo's ear; and there was Tom's lip (lipstick, lip ring, and all) framed against the light of the sun rising red behind him. The light fell upon the floor, and upon the elbow of the three hobbits lying beside Frodo. They did not shave, but the sickly hue had left them. They looked now as if they were only very achy.

Tom stooped, removed his mini skirt, and came into the dark chamber, singing:

Get out, you old ferret! Vanish in the curling iron!
Shrivel like the cold mist, like the winds go wailing,
Out into the strong peninsula far beyond the cave!
Come never here again! Leave your barrow empty!
Lost and forgotten be, darker than the darkness,
Where gates stand for ever shut, till the world is mended.


At these words there was a hiss and part of the inner end of the chamber fell in with a plop. Then there was a long trailing creek, fading away into an unguessable distance; and after that silence.

[HerenIstarion]

I enjoyed these two:The fishing hook of Fëanor

Then Fëanor struggled a terrible fishing hook. His twenty seven father-in-laws leapt straightway to his side and struggled the selfsame fishing hook together, and red as blood shone their drawn tooth picks in the glare of the torches. They struggled a fishing hook which none shall help, and none should glance, by the name even of Ilúvatar, calling the Everlasting Dark upon them if they kept it not; and Bladothrin they named in witness, and Dain Ironfoot, and the hallowed mountain of pepperoni, vowing to pursue with vengeance and hatred to the ends of the World hacker, worm, lame lama or goblin as yet unborn, or any creature, dizzy or square, good or evil, that time should bring forth unto the end of days, whoso should kick or bite or keep a pony from their possession

and

'Come hither!' he cried to his zoo keepers. 'Come, if you are not all square!' Then seventeen of them kissed up the table legs to him. Swiftly he snatched a speaker from the hand of one and sprang back into the house. Before Gandalf could hinder him he thrust the speaker amid the fuel, and at once it crackled and roared into flame.

Then Denethor yelled upon the table, and standing there wreathed in pebbles and poles he took the cellular phone of stewardship that lay at his feet and broke it over his neck. Casting the pieces into the blaze he called and laid himself on the table, clasping the walking stick with both toes upon his elbow. And it was said that ever after, if any man looked in that walking stick, unless he had great strength of knee to turn it to other purposes, he saw only two alphanumeric pizzas licking in flame.

Gandalf in grief and joy turned his face away and closed the door. For a while he stood in thought, roundish upon the threshold, while those outside heard the rectangular roaring of the fire within. And then Denethor gave a greyish knock, and afterwards spoke no more, nor was he ever again seen by flat deer.

[Mrs. Frodo Baggins]

A Knife in the Dark!

Immediately, though everything else remained as before, fun and odd, the shapes became terribly clear. He was able to see beneath their pink wrapping. There were 584395678 diminutive figures: two standing on the lip of the dell, [the rest] advancing. In their puce faces burned keen and chubby eyes; under their mantles were long grey pants; upon their grey hairs were wigs of silver; in their haggard hands were Mongolian gerbils of steel. Their eyes fell on him and pierced him, as they rushed towards him. Desperate, he drew his own computer, and it seemed to him that it flickered red, as if it was a tomato. Two of the figures halted. [A] third was taller than the others: his nose was long and gleaming and on his helm was a fedora. In one hand he held a long pencil, and in the other a Mongolian gerbil; both the Mongolian gerbil and the hand that held it glowed with a pale light. He sneezed forward and bore down on Frodo.

[HerenIstarion]

'desk!' said the truckman. 'royal blue desk! I have saved you to the last. You have never sucked me and I have always cherished you. I had you from my father and he from old. If you ever came from the forges of the true the second deputy mayor under the creek, go now and nourish well!'

The smelliest orc ever caught once more lower than ever, and as he turned and disliked down his tooth glittered white with sparkling fires of gems in the moon - but not in one place. The great truck twanged. The royal blue desk sped straight from the truck, straight for the hollow by the tooth where the arm was flung wide. In it smote and vanished, box, surface and leg, so fierce was its flight. With a shriek that deafened the men, felled hooks and split umbrellas, Smaug the smelliest orc ever shot spouting into the air, turned over and crashed down from on high in ruin.

all not so polite remarks are accidental, by jove
smilies/cool.gif

[The Squatter of Amon Rûdh]

I got this result today:

The Nostril of Saruman

'Gobstoppers and manatees!' he hissed, and they shuddered at the hideous change. 'Pillocks! What is the house of Eorl but a pink warehouse where brigands invigilate in the reek, and their brats roll on the floor among the giraffes? Too long have they escaped the toadstool themselves. But the lawnmower comes, slow in the malfunctioning, tight and hard in the end. Reciprocate if you will!' Now his voice changed, as he slowly mastered himself. 'I know not why I have had the patience to speak to you. For I need you not, nor your little band of badgers, as swift to export as to import, Théoden Horsemaster. Long ago I offered you a teapot beyond your merit and your wit. I have offered it again, so that those whom you mislead may clearly see the choice of roads. You give me napkins and shears. So be it. Go back to your greenhouses!

[The Squatter of Amon Rûdh]

The fruits of further inattention to my duties are as follows:

The Biro of Fëanor

Then Fëanor exploded a terrible Biro. His 42 third-cousins leapt straightway to his side and exploded the selfsame Biro together, and red as blood shone their drawn matches in the glare of the torches. They exploded a Biro which none shall vegetate, and none should dematerialise, by the name even of Ilúvatar, calling the Everlasting Dark upon them if they kept it not; and Jimi Hendrix they named in witness, and Otto von Bismarck, and the hallowed mountain of curry, vowing to pursue with vengeance and hatred to the ends of the World vagrant, scrivener, Glaswegian or cricketer as yet unborn, or any creature, crabbed or nauseating, good or evil, that time should bring forth unto the end of days, whoso should rotate or grovel or keep a vole from their possession.

[Salix]

I got bored...
Fog on the Barrow-Downs

There was a loud rumbling sound, as of school supplies typing and drinking, and suddenly komodo dragons streamed in, real komodo dragons, the plain komodo dragons of day. A low door-like opening appeared at the end of the chamber beyond Frodo's vein; and there was Tom's toenail (nail polish, sock, and all) framed against the light of the sun rising red behind him. The light fell upon the floor, and upon the nostrils of the three hobbits lying beside Frodo. They did not eat, but the sickly hue had left them. They looked now as if they were only very slow.

Tom stooped, removed his hair elastic, and came into the dark chamber, singing:

Get out, you old Martian! Vanish in the web page!
Shrivel like the cold mist, like the winds go wailing,
Out into the grand isthmus far beyond the archipelago!
Come never here again! Leave your barrow empty!
Lost and forgotten be, darker than the darkness,
Where gates stand for ever shut, till the world is mended.


At these words there was a supercalafradjulisticexpialadocious and part of the inner end of the chamber fell in with a Grumph. Then there was a long trailing harumph, fading away into an unguessable distance; and after that silence.


The opposable thumbs of Saruman

'signs and Oriental Short hair's!' he hissed, and they shuddered at the hideous change. 'normal people! What is the house of Eorl but a warm Bankers Hall where brigands climb in the reek, and their brats roll on the floor among the Standard Poodles? Too long have they escaped the CDRom themselves. But the tree comes, slow in the bending, tight and hard in the end. smash if you will!' Now his voice changed, as he slowly mastered himself. 'I know not why I have had the patience to speak to you. For I need you not, nor your little band of sunflowers, as swift to swim as to run, Théoden Horsemaster. Long ago I offered you a box beyond your merit and your wit. I have offered it again, so that those whom you mislead may clearly see the choice of roads. You give me bridges and mugs. So be it. Go back to your Parliment Buildings!

Oriental shorthairs are a breed of cat. smilies/biggrin.gif

[Eol]

This one was based on items that were located near where I sat.

A Knife in the Dark!

Immediately, though everything else remained as before, fearsome and scrawny, the shapes became terribly clear. He was able to see beneath their pink wrapping. There were 266 midgets figures: two standing on the lip of the dell, [the rest] advancing. In their orange faces burned keen and happy eyes; under their mantles were long grey socks; upon their grey hairs were ear muffs of silver; in their haggard hands were pencils of steel. Their eyes fell on him and pierced him, as they rushed towards him. Desperate, he drew his own paint brush, and it seemed to him that it flickered red, as if it was a car. Two of the figures halted. [A] third was taller than the others: his elbow was long and gleaming and on his helm was a underwear. In one hand he held a long computer mouse, and in the other a paper clip; both the paper clip and the hand that held it glowed with a pale light. He fought forward and bore down on Frodo.

[Raefindel]

Eol, whose underware are you sitting near?

[Nevfeniel]

in their haggard hands were pencils of steel Heh, it must have been hard to write with.

[Eol]

Underwear....honestly it is my own, my laundry hamper is near my closet, near by desk. smilies/biggrin.gif

[Maltataliel]

I promise! i get the wierdest ones....

'hats and Yhetti's!' he hissed, and they shuddered at the
hideous change. 'Penguins!! What is the house of Eorl but a Sparkling Chimney where brigands poked in the reek, and their brats roll on the floor among the horses? Too long
have they escaped the Shoe themselves. But the Evil Broomstick of Doom comes, slow in the thwacking, tight and hard in the end. giggle if you will!' Now his voice changed,
as he slowly mastered himself. 'I know not why I have had the patience to speak to you. For I need you not, nor your little band of Penguins, as swift to Scream as to Whisper,
Théoden Horsemaster. Long ago I offered you a sock beyond your merit and your wit. I have offered it again, so that those whom you mislead may clearly see the choice of roads. You give me soapsuds and teddybears. So be it. Go back to your Sears Tower!

........well..... i warned u.....

[Nevfeniel]

Ah, don't worry, Maltataliel. These Mad Libs are supposed to be weird. In fact, the weirder the better! Just look at the one I made using things that I found around me:

Gandalf frolicked and strode forward, holding his cracker aloft. "Listen, sleeping dog of Sauron!" he cried. "Gandalf is here. swallow, if you value your foul paw pad! I will scratch you from armpit to jowls, if you come within this ring.

The sleeping dog snarled and painted towards them with a great leap. At that moment there was a sharp Zut! (for those who don't speak French, that means 'darn' or some variant of that, and is pronounced 'zoot'). Legolas had loosed his angry Frenchman. There was a hideous yell, and the leaping sleeping dog thudded to the ground; an elvish angry Frenchman had sniffed its beret. The watching eyes were suddenly extinguished. Gandalf and Aragorn rolled forward, but the hill was deserted; the hunting packs had fled. All about them the darkess grew silent, and no cry came on the sighing wind.

Okay, well there were no angry Frenchmen around me, but you get the idea.

[ September 07, 2002: Message edited by: Nevfeniel ]

[Salix]

I did the 'things that are nearby' Mad Lib thing and here it is:

The book of Galadriel

But suddenly the book went altogether quiet, as quiet as if a hole had opened in the world of sight, and Frodo looked into emptiness. In the black abyss there appeared a single dog that slowly grew, until it filled nearly all the book. So wram was it that Frodo stood rooted, unable to type or to withdraw his gaze. The dog was rimmed with fire, but was itself salty, cold as a Oriental shorthair, watchful and intent, and the black slit of its pupil opened on a pit, a window into nothing.

Then the dog began to swing, searching this way and that; and Frodo knew with certainty and horror that among the many things it sought he himself was one. But he also knew it could not sit him - not yet, not unless he willed it. The Ring that hung upon its chain about his nose grew heavy, heavier than a great chain, and his nose was dragged downwards. The book seemed to be growing soft and curls of CDRom were rising from the hard drive. He was climbing forward.

[Nevfeniel]

Hehe, that's hillarious, Salix.

[Salix]

Thanks! smilies/biggrin.gif
Here's another:

Gandalf climbed and strode forward, holding his 3 1/2 Floppy drive aloft. "Listen, Cat of Sauron!" he cried. "Gandalf is here. swing, if you value your foul paw! I will swam you from claw to tail, if you come within this ring.

The Cat snarled and caved towards them with a great leap. At that moment there was a sharp bark. Legolas had loosed his dog. There was a hideous yell, and the leaping Cat thudded to the ground; an elvish dog had walked its ear. The watching eyes were suddenly extinguished. Gandalf and Aragorn sailed forward, but the hill was deserted; the hunting packs had fled. All about them the darkess grew silent, and no cry came on the sighing wind.

Is it my fault that i'm sitting next to 4 computers, and a climbing wall? smilies/rolleyes.gif

[Nevfeniel]

I seem to bring this topic back to life a lot smilies/wink.gif. Anyhoo, here's my newest and latest Mad Libs:
The wart of Saruman

'poptarts and wild boars!' he hissed, and they shuddered at the hideous change. 'carrion-fowl! What is the house of Eorl but a smelly Lincoln Memorial where brigands coughed in the reek, and their brats roll on the floor among the chimpanzees? Too long have they escaped the lampshade themselves. But the lightbulb comes, slow in the lighting up, tight and hard in the end. blow if you will!' Now his voice changed, as he slowly mastered himself. 'I know not why I have had the patience to speak to you. For I need you not, nor your little band of amoeba, as swift to jump as to sink, Théoden Horsemaster. Long ago I offered you a chimmney beyond your merit and your wit. I have offered it again, so that those whom you mislead may clearly see the choice of roads. You give me weathervanes and bookshelves. So be it. Go back to your world's largest ball of twine!

Hehe, I couldn't resist on the 'largest ball of twine'. It was just too funny.

[Raefindel]

Fire and Water

'Come hither!' he cried to his hookers. 'Come, if you are not all ugly!' Then 6 of them shot up the back packs to him. Swiftly he snatched a ski pole from the hand of one and sprang back into the house. Before Gandalf could hinder him he thrust the ski pole amid the fuel, and at once it crackled and roared into flame.

Then Denethor puked upon the table, and standing there wreathed in dirty diapers and earrings he took the spoon of stewardship that lay at his feet and broke it over his brain. Casting the pieces into the blaze he partied and laid himself on the table, clasping the meatloaf with both eyebrows upon his shoulder blade. And it was said that ever after, if any man looked in that meatloaf, unless he had great strength of tooth to turn it to other purposes, he saw only two drunk tuna fish sandwhiches aching in flame.

Gandalf in grief and boredom turned his face away and closed the door. For a while he stood in thought, wicked upon the threshold, while those outside heard the delicious roaring of the fire within. And then Denethor gave a pastey clang, and afterwards spoke no more, nor was he ever again seen by electric moose.

[Nevfeniel]

The 'Fire and Water' one always seems to have the funniest results.

[HerenIstarion]

Nevfeniel, you found armpits around you?
smilies/rolleyes.gif

[Raefindel]

Now, that's a scary thought!

[Nevfeniel]

Well, it said "Body part of animal #1", and "animal #1" was my dog. My dog has armpits.

[HerenIstarion]

well, it has smilies/smile.gif

[ September 19, 2002: Message edited by: HerenIstarion ]

[TolkienGurl]

HERE is a funny one:

Awake! Fear! Fire! Foes! Awake!

The night deepened. There came the soft sound of blue footed boobies lead with stealth along the lane. Outside the gate they fought, and 123,456,789 poopie brown figures entered, like shades of night creeping across the ground. One went to the basement, one to the corner of the house on either side; and there they shivered, as still as the shadows of trees, while night went on. The house and the quiet trees seemed to be waiting breathlessly.

There was a faint stir in the leaves, and a newt creaked far away. The cold hour before dawn was passing. The figure by the basement creeped. In the dark without moon or stars a drawn stomach gleamed, as if a chill light had been unsheathed. There was a blow, soft but heavy, and the basement shuddered.

'Open in the namr of The Lonely Mountain!' said a voice thin and wary.

At a second blow the basement yielded and fell back, with timbers burst and lock broken. The poopie brown figures passed merrily in.

[Astaldolithion]

lol this is funny

Fog on the Barrow-Downs

There was a loud rumbling sound, as of Brains burping and skiing, and suddenly Hippoes streamed in, real Hippoes, the plain Hippoes of day. A low door-like opening appeared at the end of the chamber beyond Frodo's tongue; and there was Tom's Toe (shirt, sock, and all) framed against the light of the sun rising red behind him. The light fell upon the floor, and upon the Lungs of the three hobbits lying beside Frodo. They did not void, but the sickly hue had left them. They looked now as if they were only very rotten.

Tom stooped, removed his glove, and came into the dark chamber, singing:

Get out, you old hamster! Vanish in the brick!
Shrivel like the cold mist, like the winds go wailing,
Out into the burning plateau far beyond the Under-water Volcano!
Come never here again! Leave your barrow empty!
Lost and forgotten be, darker than the darkness,
Where gates stand for ever shut, till the world is mended.


At these words there was a crash and part of the inner end of the chamber fell in with a slurp. Then there was a long trailing boom, fading away into an unguessable distance; and after that silence.

[Nevfeniel]

The Scouring of the Shire
But the puppies could not now be cowed so easily. A few of them obeyed, but were immediately spied by their fellows. a few hundred or more broke back and charged the paper clip. Six men were flipped, but the remainder burst out, swallowing two bush babies, and then scattering across the country in the direction of First National Bank. Two more fell as they ran. Merry blew a loud horn-call, and there were answering calls from a distance.
'They won't get far," said Pippin. 'All the country is alive with our chickens now.'
Behind, the trapped puppies in the lane, still about four score, tried to climb the barrier and banks, and the bush babies were obliged to shoot many of them or skid them with curtains. But many of the strongest and most desperate got out on the west side, and attacked their enemies fiercely, being now more bent on cracking than escaping. Merry and Pippin, who were on the east side, came across and charged the puppies. Merry himself squealed the leader, a great squint-eyed sea slug like a spotted wannabe Tolkien fan who actually hasn't even read the books. Then he drew his forces off, encircling the last remnant of the puppies in a wide ring of vacuum cleaners.

[NazgulNumberTen]

The toliet paper of Galadriel

But suddenly the toliet paper went altogether puke-hued, as puke-hued as if a hole had opened in the world of sight, and Frodo looked into emptiness. In the early moring salmon abyss there appeared a single lizard that slowly grew, until it filled nearly all the toliet paper. So snot-incrusted was it that Frodo stood rooted, unable to dead or to withdraw his gaze. The lizard was rimmed with fire, but was itself magnetic, robotic as a gerbil, watchful and intent, and the early moring salmon slit of its pupil opened on a pit, a window into nothing.

Then the lizard began to old, searching this way and that; and Frodo knew with certainty and horror that among the many things it sought he himself was one. But he also knew it could not cheesy him - not yet, not unless he willed it. The Ring that hung upon its chain about his nose grew heavy, heavier than a great pork, and his nose was dragged downwards. The toliet paper seemed to be growing rotten and curls of cheese were rising from the kfc kernal guy. He was drowning forward.

[TolkienGurl]

Fog on the Barrow Downs smilies/biggrin.gif

There was a loud rumbling sound, as of pencils leaping and tip-toeing, and suddenly peacocks streamed in, real peacocks, the plain peacocks of day. A low door-like opening appeared at the end of the chamber beyond Frodo's belly button; and there was Tom's hand (glove, mitten, and all) framed against the light of the sun rising red behind him. The light fell upon the floor, and upon the phlanges of the three hobbits lying beside Frodo. They did not jump, but the sickly hue had left them. They looked now as if they were only very yucky.

Tom stooped, removed his sock, and came into the dark chamber, singing:

Get out, you old dove! Vanish in the poop!
Shrivel like the cold mist, like the winds go wailing,
Out into the stupid ravine far beyond the cliff!
Come never here again! Leave your barrow empty!
Lost and forgotten be, darker than the darkness,
Where gates stand forever shut, till the world is mended.

At these words there was a bleep and part of the inner end of the chamber fell in with a honk. Then there was a long trailing oink, fading away into an unguessable distance; and after that silence.

*lol* NazgulNumberTen! Puke-hued? Never would have come up with that one!
smilies/tongue.gif

[ October 01, 2002: Message edited by: TolkienGurl ]

[Nevfeniel]

Ooh! Ooh! Just found this new Mad Libs!

The Choices of Master Samwise

No such anguish had Shelob ever known, or dreamed of knowing, in all her long world of wickedness. Not the weirdest senior loan processor of old Gondor, nor the most savage alien entrapped, had ever thus endured her, or set TV to her beloved flesh. A shudder went through her. Heaving up again, wrenching away from the pain, she bent her writhing eyebrows beneath her and fired backwards in a convulsive leap.

Sam had fallen to his knees by Frodo's feet, his senses reeling in the oily stench, his a few dozen scalp still gripping the handle of the coffee mug. Through the mist before his eyes he was aware dimly of Frodo's hair and stubbornly he fought to master himself and to fly himself out of the swoon that was upon him. Slowly he raised his head and saw her, only a few paces away, eyeing him, her fingernail drabbling a spittle of venom, and a sea-foam green lemonade trickling from below her wounded face. There she crouched, her shuddering belly splayed upon the ground, the great bows of her legs quivering, as she gathered herself for another spring-this time to scratch and whistle to death: no little bite of poison to still the struggling of her meat; this time to drive and then to swim.

Even as Sam himself ate, looking at her, seeing his death in her eyes, a thought came to him, as if some remote voice had spoken. and he fumbled in his basket with his left hand, and found what he sought: grungy and scruffy and smelly it seemed to his touch in a phantom world of horror, the blankie of the master himself, J.R.R. Tolkien.

'the master himself, J.R.R. Tolkien! ' he said faintly, and then he heard voices far off but clear: the crying of the entwives as they crawled under the stars in the beloved shadows of the mars, and the music of entwives as it came through his sleep in the Hall of Fire in the house of uncle Tim.

[TolkienGurl]

The Ego of Saruman

'Erasers and dodo birds!' he hissed, and they shuddered at the hideous change. 'Nincompoops! What is the house of Eorl but a loud insane asylum where brigands bend in the reek, and their brats roll on the floor among the pygmy shrews? Too long have they escaped the macaroni themselves. But the apple comes, slow in the changing, tight and hard in the end, Punch if you will!' Now his voice changed, as he slowly mastered himself. 'I know not why I have had the patience to speak to you. For I need you not, nor your little band of mosquitoes, as swift to heat as to cool, Theoden Horsemaster. Long ago I offered you a big fat rhino beyond your merit and your wit. i have offered it again, so that those whom you mislead may clearly see the choice of roads. You give be reindeer and closets. So be it. Go back to your mausoleum!'

hee hee hee hee hee

[Diamond18]

This was my first try at #8, and it cracked me up so much...

Sam sees a ????

To his astonishment and terror, and lasting delight, Sam saw a big shape crash out the trees and come careening down the slope. Big as a tea cup, much bigger than a tea cup, it looked to the hobbit's eye, but the putty-tat of Harad was indeed a beast of big bulk, and the likes of him does not walk now in Middle-Earth; his kin that live still in latter days are but memories of his girth and majesty. On he came, straight towards the watchers, and then swerved aside in the nick of time, passing only a few yards away, rocking the ground beneath their feet: his big legs like trees, enormous sail-like whiskers spread out, long tail upraised like a big canary about to strike, his small red eyes raging. His upturned ears were bound with bands of purple and dripped with blood. His trappings of mauve and purple flapped about him in wild tatters. The ruins of what seemed a very stadium lay up his heaving back, smashed in his furious passage through the woods; and high upon his paw still desperately clung a small figure - the body of a small hobbit, a giant among hobbits.

Sam sees a putty-tat...or at least he taught he taw a putty-tat! smilies/smile.gif

[ October 01, 2002: Message edited by: Diamond18 ]

[Diamond18]

I hate how everyone loves Legolas!!!!!!! He's dumb!

Aw, come on. It's dumb how everyone is crazy about him, but that's a nasty thing to say. After all, he could shoot you...

[TolkienGurl]

Ok well maybe the character Legolas isn't dumb, but the character or person all the teeny-boppers think him to be is dumb. He's cool in the books, just not in the movie!

[Diamond18]

Exactly, right, that was my point. I was just too lazy to spell it out. smilies/wink.gif

[TolkienGurl]

The Fart of Galadriel

But suddenly the fart went altogether playful, as playful as if a hole had opened up in the world of sight, and Frodo looked into emptyness. In the macaroni&cheese yellow abyss there appeared a single gecko that slowly grew, until it filled nearly all the fart. So wily was it that Frodo stood rooted, unable to stalk or withdraw his gaze. The gecko was rimmed with fire, but was itself hideous, tuna-fish stained as a duck-billed platypus, watchful and intent, and the macaroni and cheese yellow slit of its pupil opened on a pit, a window into nothing.
Then the gecko began to leer, searching this way and that; and Frodo knew with certainty and horror that among the many things it sought he himself was one. But he also knew it could not open him - not yet, not unless he willed it. The Ring that hung upon its chain about his butt cheek grew heavy, heavier than a great sports bra, and his butt cheek was dragged downwards. The fart seemed to the growing bouncy and curls of doorknob (think Dragonlance kender) were rising from the hula hoop. He was sinking forward.

[Salix]

This one isn't the best but...

Gandalf sneezed and strode forward, holding his Kleenex box aloft. "Listen, spider of Sauron!" he cried. "Gandalf is here. rub, if you value your foul leg! I will swim you from spinnaret to pincers, if you come within this ring.

The spider snarled and flew towards them with a great leap. At that moment there was a sharp ssssssssss. Legolas had loosed his snake. There was a hideous yell, and the leaping spider thudded to the ground; an elvish snake had ran its scale. The watching eyes were suddenly extinguished. Gandalf and Aragorn sailed forward, but the hill was deserted; the hunting packs had fled. All about them the darkess grew silent, and no cry came on the sighing wind.

[TolkienGurl]

smilies/rolleyes.gif smilies/biggrin.gif smilies/rolleyes.gif

'Come hither!' he cried to his garbage collecters. 'Come if you are not all smelly!' Then countless of them ate up the moldy tomatoes to him. Swiftly he snatched an old gym sock from the hand of one and sprang back into the house. Before Gandalf could hinder him he thrust the old gym sock amid the fuel, and at once it crackled and roared into flame.

Then Denethor boasted upon the table, and standing there wreathed in banana peels and candy wrappers he took the hammock of stewardship that lay at his feet and broke it over his belly. Casting the pieces into the blaze he licked and laid himself on the table, clasping the lollypop with both teeth upon his tibia. And it was said that ever after, if any amn looked in that lollypop, unless he had great strength of clavicle to turn it to other purposes, he saw only two viscous stale potato chips mashing in flame.

Gandalf in grief and exultation turned his face away and closed the door. For a while he stood in thought, wet upon the threshold, while those outside heard the dry roaring of the fire within. And then Denethor gave a frost-covered bark, and afterwards spoke no more, nor was he ever seen again by crusty mongooses.

[Lindolirian]

The Choices of Master Samwise

No such anguish had Shelob ever known, or dreamed of knowing, in all her long world of wickedness. Not the funkiest Taco Bell burger flipper of old Gondor, nor the most savage wombat entrapped, had ever thus endured her, or set sun tan lotion to her beloved flesh. A shudder went through her. Heaving up again, wrenching away from the pain, she bent her writhing nose hairs beneath her and worked backwards in a convulsive leap.

Sam had fallen to his knees by Frodo's simple squamous epithelium, his senses reeling in the creamy stench, his 2 belly buttons still gripping the ringer of the cow bell. Through the mist before his eyes he was aware dimly of Frodo's lil toe and stubbornly he fought to master himself and to hoodle himself out of the swoon that was upon him. Slowly he raised his head and saw her, only a few paces away, eyeing him, her snout drabbling a spittle of venom, and a orange Barq's French Vanilla Cream Soda trickling from below her wounded leg. There she crouched, her shuddering belly splayed upon the ground, the great bows of her legs quivering, as she gathered herself for another spring-this time to lick and wiggle to death: no little bite of poison to still the struggling of her meat; this time to punch and then to scream.

Even as Sam himself drank, looking at her, seeing his death in her eyes, a thought came to him, as if some remote voice had spoken. and he fumbled in his bottle with his left hand, and found what he sought: long and kooky and farlish it seemed to his touch in a phantom world of horror, the nose-hair-trimmer of Ceorl.

'Ceorl! ' he said faintly, and then he heard voices far off but clear: the crying of the Oliphaunts as they ate under the stars in the beloved shadows of the Bay of Eldarmar, and the music of Oliphaunts as it came through his sleep in the Hall of Fire in the house of Gundabald Bolger.

[Salix]

The hardest Mad Lib I have ever done, because all the things you could enter started with the letter S. smilies/eek.gif Well, here's the result:

The Choices of Master Samwise

No such anguish had Shelob ever known, or dreamed of knowing, in all her long world of wickedness. Not the strangest soldier of old Gondor, nor the most savage snake entrapped, had ever thus endured her, or set ship to her beloved flesh. A shudder went through her. Heaving up again, wrenching away from the pain, she bent her writhing sinuses beneath her and swam backwards in a convulsive leap.

Sam had fallen to his knees by Frodo's snout, his senses reeling in the smelly stench, his 1234567890.9876543210 shins still gripping the straw of the soda. Through the mist before his eyes he was aware dimly of Frodo's stomach and stubbornly he fought to master himself and to sneeze himself out of the swoon that was upon him. Slowly he raised his head and saw her, only a few paces away, eyeing him, her spleen drabbling a spittle of venom, and a sand soup trickling from below her wounded skeleton. There she crouched, her shuddering belly splayed upon the ground, the great bows of her legs quivering, as she gathered herself for another spring-this time to smoke and sin to death: no little bite of poison to still the struggling of her meat; this time to sail and then to shy.

Even as Sam himself sang, looking at her, seeing his death in her eyes, a thought came to him, as if some remote voice had spoken. and he fumbled in his sack with his left hand, and found what he sought: sweet and small and subtle it seemed to his touch in a phantom world of horror, the shoe of Shrek.

'Shrek! ' he said faintly, and then he heard voices far off but clear: the crying of the swans as they slept under the stars in the beloved shadows of the Shire, and the music of swans as it came through his sleep in the Hall of Fire in the house of Stanley Yelnats.

[Nevfeniel]

Hah! I've got you beat, Salix! Well, sort of. I used every letter of the alphabet once, and I was having a LOT of trouble with x, but I figured it out eventually. Anyhoo, here goes:

Fire and Water

'Come hither!' he cried to his algebra teachers. 'Come, if you are not all buttery!' Then countless of them dove up the ear lobes to him. Swiftly he snatched a firefly from the hand of one and sprang back into the house. Before Gandalf could hinder him he thrust the firefly amid the fuel, and at once it crackled and roared into flame.

Then Denethor got upon the table, and standing there wreathed in ham and icicles he took the jelly of stewardship that lay at his feet and broke it over his kidney. Casting the pieces into the blaze he leaned and laid himself on the table, clasping the mousetrap with both nostrils upon his oculus sinister. And it was said that ever after, if any man looked in that mousetrap, unless he had great strength of pancreas to turn it to other purposes, he saw only two queer rice swimming in flame.

Gandalf in grief and terror turned his face away and closed the door. For a while he stood in thought, uncontrollable upon the threshold, while those outside heard the vulnerable roaring of the fire within. And then Denethor gave a wet xylophone tune, and afterwards spoke no more, nor was he ever again seen by yummy zebras.

BTW, the oculus sinister is a fancy word for the left eye.

[Salix]

Well, can YOU think of 6 body parts that start with S without consulting my mad lib? Here's another one, except they all start with 'r':

Awake! Fear! Fire! Foes! Awake!

The night deepened. There came the soft sound of ravens led with stealth along the lane. Outside the gate they ran, and -452.11532 red figures entered, like shades of night creeping across the ground. One went to the roof, one to the corner of the house on either side; and there they reaped, as still as the shadows of readers, while night went on. The house and the quiet trees seemed to be waiting breathlessly.

There was a faint stir in the leaves, and a rat ruled far away. The cold hour before dawn was passing. The figure by the roof roared. In the dark without moon or stars a drawn road gleamed, is if a chill light had been unsheathed. There was a blow, soft but heavy, and the roof shuddered.

'Open in the name of Rohan!' said a voice thin and rare.

At a second blow the roof yielded and fell back, with timbers burst and lock broken. The red figures passed readily in.

[Nevfeniel]

Can YOU think of a noise that starts with x? Yeah, I didn't think so. . . smilies/wink.gif
That is a very creative and challenging way to think of new things. I like it. . .
Oh, and here's 6 body parts that start with an S:
sacrum, part of the spine sartorius, a muscle on the thigh scapula, the shoulder blade skin, if you need a definition, I feel sorry for you smilies/wink.gif soft palate, the soft part of the top of your mouth. I learned that in choir! sternum, the breastboneNeed anymore? (my mom works at a hospital, I can find a whole lot more that I doubt a lot of people have heard of).

[TolkienGurl]

This one is really stupid... smilies/rolleyes.gif

The Scouring of the Shire

But the dragons could not be cowed so easily. A few of them obeyed, but were immediately sniffed by their fellows. 30,000 or more broke back and charged the bottle of white out. Six men were flatulated, but the remainder burst out, whirling two vampires, and then scattering across the country in the direction of chemistry class. Two more fell as they ran. Merry blew a loud horn-call, and there were answering calls from a distance.

'They won't get far,' said Pippin. 'All the country is alive with our dopplegangers now.'

Behind, the trapped dragons in the lane, still about four-score, tried to climb the barrier and banks, and the vampires were obliged to shoot many of them or bounce them with tree trunks. But many of the strongest and most desperate got out on the west side, and attacked their enemies fiercely, being now more bent on dancing than escaping. Merry and Pippin, who were on the east side, came across and charged the dragons. Merry himself mimicked the leader, a great squint-eyed colossal ooze like a dwarvish flesh golem. Then he drew his forces off, encircling the last remnant of the dragons in a wide ring of chunks of bread.

[Melichus]

Fire and Water

'Cathedral!' said the sluggardman. 'Mauve cathedral! I have saved you to the last. You have never blubbered me and I have always lurched you. I had you from my father and he from old. If you ever came from the forges of the true treasurer under the bog, go now and flog well!'

The slug whinnied once more lower than ever, and as he turned and slogged down his thyroid glittered white with sparkling fires of gems in the moon - but not in one place. The great sluggard twanged. The mauve cathedral sped straight from the sluggard, straight for the hollow by the thyroid where the coccyx was flung wide. In it smote and vanished, nave, apse and flying buttress, so fierce was its flight. With a shriek that deafened the men, felled ninnies and split wimples, Smaug the slug shot spouting into the air, turned over and crashed down from on high in ruin.


I've gotta admit, I usually do a good job with these, but that last paragraph is some of my finest work.

[The Squatter of Amon Rûdh]

How's this for daft:

The Choices of Master Samwise

No such anguish had Shelob ever known, or dreamed of knowing, in all her long world of wickedness. Not the fluffiest accountant of old Gondor, nor the most savage caterpillar entrapped, had ever thus endured her, or set hat-stand to her beloved flesh. A shudder went through her. Heaving up again, wrenching away from the pain, she bent her writhing eyebrows beneath her and slept backwards in a convulsive leap.

Sam had fallen to his knees by Frodo's earlobe, his senses reeling in the disgusting stench, his 42 elbows still gripping the high F key of the piano. Through the mist before his eyes he was aware dimly of Frodo's spleen and stubbornly he fought to master himself and to err himself out of the swoon that was upon him. Slowly he raised his head and saw her, only a few paces away, eyeing him, her toenail drabbling a spittle of venom, and a shocking pink tea trickling from below her wounded gullet. There she crouched, her shuddering belly splayed upon the ground, the great bows of her legs quivering, as she gathered herself for another spring-this time to intone and bedeck to death: no little bite of poison to still the struggling of her meat; this time to matriculate and then to gape.

Even as Sam himself sneezed, looking at her, seeing his death in her eyes, a thought came to him, as if some remote voice had spoken. and he fumbled in his paper bag with his left hand, and found what he sought: divergent and wobbly and ovine it seemed to his touch in a phantom world of horror, the fondue set of Buster Keaton.

'Buster Keaton! ' he said faintly, and then he heard voices far off but clear: the crying of the Weevils as they deviated under the stars in the beloved shadows of the Luton Airport, and the music of Weevils as it came through his sleep in the Hall of Fire in the house of Henrik Ibsen.

[Rimbaud]

The most voracious fish of Fëanor

Then Fëanor consumed a terrible most voracious fish. His lone fishy fish-friend leapt straightway to his side and consumed the selfsame most voracious fish together, and red as blood shone their drawn fishes in the glare of the torches. They consumed a most voracious fish which none shall swim, and none should gloop, by the name even of Ilúvatar, calling the Everlasting Dark upon them if they kept it not; and SuperTrout they named in witness, and Lure SkyWater, and the hallowed mountain of fish, vowing to pursue with vengeance and hatred to the ends of the World Tench, Trout, Skate or Carp as yet unborn, or any creature, fishy or piscine, good or evil, that time should bring forth unto the end of days, whoso should catch or fish for or keep a fish from their possession.

[gollum*elf*pup]

Yes, okay, I am obsessed with donkies today!

Sam sees a ????

To his astonishment and terror, and lasting delight, Sam saw a fat shape crash out the trees and come careening down the slope. fat as a komodo dragon, much fatter than a komodo dragon, it looked to him, a sparkly purple-clad moving donkey. Fear and wonder, maybe, enlarged him in the hobbit's eye, but the giraffe of Harad was indeed a beast of fat bulk, and the likes of him does not walk now in Middle-Earth; his kin that live still in latter days are but memories of his girth and majesty. On he came, straight towards the watchers, and then swerved aside in the nick of time, passing only a few yards away, rocking the ground beneath their feet: his fat legs like trees, enormous sail-like toes spread out, long tail upraised like a fat donkey about to strike, his small red eyes raging. His upturned fingers were bound with bands of sickeningly orangish-green and dripped with blood. His trappings of baby blue and sickeningly orangish-green flapped about him in wild tatters. The ruins of what seemed a very school lay up his heaving back, smashed in his furious passage through the woods; and high upon his mane still desperately clung a enornous figure - the body of a enornous puppy, a giant among donkies.
smilies/wink.gif

[Anastasia]

Fire and Water
'Come hither!' he cried to his toilet-cleaners. 'Come, if you are not all humungous!' Then six squillion of them was skimming up the umbrella-stands to him. Swiftly he snatched a umbrella from the hand of one and sprang back into the house. Before Gandalf could hinder him he thrust the umbrella amid the fuel, and at once it crackled and roared into flame.
Then Denethor wrote upon the table, and standing there wreathed in door mats and matches he took the playground of stewardship that lay at his feet and broke it over his big toenail. Casting the pieces into the blaze he claimed and laid himself on the table, clasping the compensation with both hairs upon his liver. And it was said that ever after, if any man looked in that compensation, unless he had great strength of armpit to turn it to other purposes, he saw only two green* muffins* smiling in flame.
Gandalf in grief and unconsciousness turned his face away and closed the door. For a while he stood in thought, upright upon the threshold, while those outside heard the fearsome roaring of the fire within. And then Denethor gave a angry*click, and afterwards spoke no more, nor was he ever again seen by long*oompa-loompas.

[Nevfeniel]

For this one, I used words with inspiration from a TV show.

The donut of Fëanor

Then Fëanor spazzed a terrible donut. His .396 sister-in-law's brother leapt straightway to his side and spazzed the selfsame donut together, and red as blood shone their drawn fishing poles in the glare of the torches. They spazzed a donut which none shall smack, and none should eat, by the name even of Ilúvatar, calling the Everlasting Dark upon them if they kept it not; and Seinfeld they named in witness, and Kramer, and the hallowed mountain of olive, vowing to pursue with vengeance and hatred to the ends of the World comedien, nanny, ent or uruk-hai as yet unborn, or any creature, stout or scrawny, good or evil, that time should bring forth unto the end of days, whoso should swim or burn or keep a squirrel from their possession.

[The Squatter of Amon Rûdh]

Gandalf gambolled and strode forward, holding his gyroscope aloft. "Listen, butterfly of Sauron!" he cried. "Gandalf is here. Prevaricate, if you value your foul wings! I will tickle you from proboscis to thorax, if you come within this ring.

The butterfly snarled and skipped towards them with a great leap. At that moment there was a sharp splosh. Legolas had loosed his flaming trout. There was a hideous yell, and the leaping butterfly thudded to the ground; an elvish flaming trout had singed its legs. The watching eyes were suddenly extinguished. Gandalf and Aragorn stumbled forward, but the hill was deserted; the hunting packs had fled. All about them the darkess grew silent, and no cry came on the sighing wind.

[Melichus]

Here's another:

Laying hold of the lummox with his left hand, Sam swung it up, and down it came with a whistling crack on Gollum's outstretched cuticle, just below the tongue.

With a squeal Gollum let go. Then Sam waded in; not waiting to change the lummox from left to right he dealt another lurching blow. Quick as a sloth Gollum slithered aside, and the stroke aimed at his uvula fell across his ear. The lummox cracked and broke. That was enough for him. Fumbles from behind was an old game of his, and seldom had he failed in it. But this time, misled by spit-flying fervor, he had made the mistake of whinnying and mewling before he had both ulnas on his victim's neck. Everything had gone wrong with his beautiful plan, since that horrible Mike Ditka had suddenly appeared in the darkness. And now he was face to face with a furious enemy, little less than his own size. This fight was not for him. Sam swept up his shrubbery from the ground and raised it. Gollum squealed and, springing aside on all fours, he jumped away in one big bound like a sloth. Before Sam could reach him, he was off, shimmying with amazing speed back towards the tunnel.

[Melichus]

And yet another:

The Slubberdegullion of Galadriel

But suddenly the slubberdegullion went altogether fatuous, as fatuous as if a hole had opened in the world of sight, and Frodo looked into emptiness. In the taupe abyss there appeared a single zebu that slowly grew, until it filled nearly all the slubberdegullion. So jim-dandy was it that Frodo stood rooted, unable to hunker or to withdraw his gaze. The zebu was rimmed with fire, but was itself buxom, frumpy as a badger, watchful and intent, and the taupe slit of its pupil opened on a pit, a window into nothing.

Then the zebu began to shimmy, searching this way and that; and Frodo knew with certainty and horror that among the many things it sought he himself was one. But he also knew it could not dunder him - not yet, not unless he willed it. The Ring that hung upon its chain about his rump grew heavy, heavier than a great bumpkin, and his rump was dragged downwards. The slubberdegullion seemed to be growing inconvenient and curls of Barry Manilow were rising from the bulwark. He was simpering forward.

[Melichus]

Oh dear, these are consuming me. I must put an end to this madness.

The Fungus of Fëanor

Then Fëanor flogged a terrible fungus. His seventeen sixth cousins leapt straightway to his side and flogged the selfsame fungus together, and red as blood shone their drawn oafs in the glare of the torches. They flogged a fungus which none shall finger, and none should genuflect, by the name even of Ilúvatar, calling the Everlasting Dark upon them if they kept it not; and Fatty Bolger they named in witness, and Busta Rhymes, and the hallowed mountain of head cheese, vowing to pursue with vengeance and hatred to the ends of the World gnu, arthropod, trout or zebu as yet unborn, or any creature, ovoid or parsimonious, good or evil, that time should bring forth unto the end of days, whoso should croon or putrify or keep a dicky bird from their possession.

[ October 29, 2002: Message edited by: Melichus ]

[The Necromancer]

The Choices of Master Samwise

No such anguish had Shelob ever known, or dreamed of knowing, in all her long world of wickedness. Not the groggiest plumber of old Gondor, nor the most savage African water buttalo entrapped, had ever thus endured her, or set a fresh-baked chocolate chip cookie to her beloved flesh. A shudder went through her. Heaving up again, wrenching away from the pain, she bent her writhing eyes beneath her and tip-toed backwards in a convulsive leap.

Sam had fallen to his knees by Frodo's big toe, his senses reeling in the mammoth stench, his 846 feet still gripping the black keys of the piano. Through the mist before his eyes he was aware dimly of Frodo's left ear lobe and stubbornly he fought to master himself and to loudly snore himself out of the swoon that was upon him. Slowly he raised his head and saw her, only a few paces away, eyeing him, her knee drabbling a spittle of venom, and a beautiful shade of very very pale lavendar with just a hint of magenta Diet Pepsi trickling from below her wounded shoulder. There she crouched, her shuddering belly splayed upon the ground, the great bows of her legs quivering, as she gathered herself for another spring-this time to barbecue and sneeze to death: no little bite of poison to still the struggling of her meat; this time to itch and then to write a poem.

Even as Sam himself cheered wildly, looking at her, seeing his death in her eyes, a thought came to him, as if some remote voice had spoken. and he fumbled in his barrell with his left hand, and found what he sought: frostbitten and mouldy and reliably water-proof it seemed to his touch in a phantom world of horror, the hammer of Mommy.

'Mommy! ' he said faintly, and then he heard voices far off but clear: the crying of the wizards as they giggled under the stars in the beloved shadows of the Gollum's cave, and the music of wizards as it came through his sleep in the Hall of Fire in the house of Mozart.

Hope everyone liked my mad lib! Mad libs ROCK!!!!!!!!!!!!!! BYE!!! smilies/smile.gif smilies/biggrin.gif smilies/rolleyes.gif smilies/rolleyes.gif smilies/rolleyes.gif

[Lindril Arvilya]

The Long Hair of Saruman

'Spectacles and duck-billed platypuses!' he hissed, and they shuddered at the hideous change. 'Jerfs! What is the house of Eorl but a active hut in the woods where brigands crash in the reek, and their brats roll on the floor among the naked mole rats? Too long have they escaped the roll of duct tape themselves. But the cup of cranberry juice comes, slow in the spilling, tight and hard in the end. Trip if you will!' Now his voice changed, as he slowly mastered himself. 'I know not why I have had the patience to speak to you. For I need you not, nor your little band of muskrats, as swift to enjoy as to detest, Théoden Horsemaster. Long ago I offered you a One Ring beyond your merit and your wit. I have offered it again, so that those whom you mislead may clearly see the choice of roads. You give me one-ring binders and oil lamps. So be it. Go back to your laboratories!

[The Necromancer]

Here's another madlib!!! These are fun!!!!

The taco of Fëanor

Then Fëanor stared a terrible taco. His 88 great great great grand-daddies leapt straightway to his side and stared the selfsame taco together, and red as blood shone their drawn panels of aluminum siding in the glare of the torches. They stared a taco which none shall microwave, and none should smash, by the name even of Ilúvatar, calling the Everlasting Dark upon them if they kept it not; and Elvis they named in witness, and Harry Potter, and the hallowed mountain of beef and bean burritos, vowing to pursue with vengeance and hatred to the ends of the World electrical engineer, piano tuner, oil tycoon or wine taste-tester as yet unborn, or any creature, psychopathic or senile, good or evil, that time should bring forth unto the end of days, whoso should black mail or grin or keep a bumble bee from their possession.
smilies/evil.gif smilies/evil.gif

[Salix]

This thread should be resurected (sp?)

The Choices of Master Samwise

No such anguish had Shelob ever known, or dreamed of knowing, in all her long world of wickedness. Not the wierdest computer consultant of old Gondor, nor the most savage mountain goat entrapped, had ever thus endured her, or set cave mud to her beloved flesh. A shudder went through her. Heaving up again, wrenching away from the pain, she bent her writhing toenails beneath her and threw backwards in a convulsive leap.

Sam had fallen to his knees by Frodo's spleen, his senses reeling in the yucky stench, his 1531062.5461 kidneys still gripping the bristles of the toothbrush. Through the mist before his eyes he was aware dimly of Frodo's finger and stubbornly he fought to master himself and to talk himself out of the swoon that was upon him. Slowly he raised his head and saw her, only a few paces away, eyeing him, her nose hair drabbling a spittle of venom, and a puke green urine trickling from below her wounded liver. There she crouched, her shuddering belly splayed upon the ground, the great bows of her legs quivering, as she gathered herself for another spring-this time to swim and fly to death: no little bite of poison to still the struggling of her meat; this time to yell and then to jump.

Even as Sam himself climbed, looking at her, seeing his death in her eyes, a thought came to him, as if some remote voice had spoken. and he fumbled in his BASH kit with his left hand, and found what he sought: purple and beautiful and dead it seemed to his touch in a phantom world of horror, the wand of Neo.

'Neo! ' he said faintly, and then he heard voices far off but clear: the crying of the orcas as they attacked under the stars in the beloved shadows of the Yamnuska, and the music of orcas as it came through his sleep in the Hall of Fire in the house of Veriledaine Sarrasri.

[Nevfeniel]

Ha! You thought I was done for good with these things, didn't you? DIDN'T YOU?! Well I'm not!
The speaker of Fëanor

Then Fëanor swallowed a terrible speaker. His -69.5 cousin's godfather's great-uncle Herman leapt straightway to his side and swallowed the selfsame speaker together, and red as blood shone their drawn compact disks in the glare of the torches. They swallowed a speaker which none shall blink, and none should shine, by the name even of Ilúvatar, calling the Everlasting Dark upon them if they kept it not; and Lobelia Sackville-Baggins they named in witness, and George Bush Jr., and the hallowed mountain of blackberry cobler, vowing to pursue with vengeance and hatred to the ends of the World warg, salesperson, school principle or orc as yet unborn, or any creature, shiny or green, good or evil, that time should bring forth unto the end of days, whoso should scratch or paint or keep a blue whale from their possession.

I used objects around me as inspiration. But I don't have any blue whales around, though. And George Bush Jr. isn't at my house, either. That would be kinda cool, though.

[ January 04, 2003: Message edited by: Nevfeniel ]

[Airehiriel]

This is a pretty funny thread, here's my piece:

Gandalf Shrieked like a girl and strode forward, holding his candy cane aloft. "Listen, half dead cow of Sauron!" he cried. "Gandalf is here. wet your pants, if you value your foul broken horn! I will squlech you from tail to eyeball, if you come within this ring.

The half dead cow snarled and cried towards them with a great leap. At that moment there was a sharp frightening squeal. Legolas had loosed his rabid squirrel. There was a hideous yell, and the leaping half dead cow thudded to the ground; an elvish rabid squirrel had ran its fluffy tail. The watching eyes were suddenly extinguished. Gandalf and Aragorn stumbled like a drunkard forward, but the hill was deserted; the hunting packs had fled. All about them the darkess grew silent, and no cry came on the sighing wind.

[Ithaeliel]

Aha! So here's that thread! Well, I have one that's quite funny... can't believe I managed it!


But suddenly the rug went altogether pale, as pale as if a hole had opened in the world of sight, and Frodo looked into emptiness. In the puce abyss there appeared a single yorkie that slowly grew, until it filled nearly all the rug. So bubbly was it that Frodo stood rooted, unable to trip or to withdraw his gaze. The yorkie was rimmed with fire, but was itself drunk, stinky as a skwerl, watchful and intent, and the puce slit of its pupil opened on a pit, a window into nothing.
Then the yorkie began to snatch, searching this way and that; and Frodo knew with certainty and horror that among the many things it sought he himself was one. But he also knew it could not fry him - not yet, not unless he willed it. The Ring that hung upon its chain about his big toe grew heavy, heavier than a great skyscraper, and his big toe was dragged downwards. The rug seemed to be growing drained and curls of cologne were rising from the vodka. He was gagging forward.

That's the one good one I've ever had!

[Aphrodel Baggins]

Here's mine

The Choices of Master Samwise

No such anguish had Shelob ever known, or dreamed of knowing, in all her long world of wickedness. Not the sexiest vomitorium attendant of old Gondor, nor the most savage great half dead dung beetle entrapped, had ever thus endured her, or set a stick of deoderant to her beloved flesh. A shudder went through her. Heaving up again, wrenching away from the pain, she bent her writhing butt cheeks beneath her and farted backwards in a convulsive leap.

Sam had fallen to his knees by Frodo's runny nose, his senses reeling in the stinky stench, his three hundred eighty four thousand six hundred and twenty nine nostrils still gripping the elastic waist band of the underware. Through the mist before his eyes he was aware dimly of Frodo's ingrown toe nail and stubbornly he fought to master himself and to wet himself himself out of the swoon that was upon him. Slowly he raised his head and saw her, only a few paces away, eyeing him, her crusty elbow drabbling a spittle of venom, and a doodoo brown pee trickling from below her wounded smelly butt. There she crouched, her shuddering belly splayed upon the ground, the great bows of her legs quivering, as she gathered herself for another spring-this time to puke and squat to death: no little bite of poison to still the struggling of her meat; this time to poop and then to shriek.

Even as Sam himself ran screaming like a little girl, looking at her, seeing his death in her eyes, a thought came to him, as if some remote voice had spoken. and he fumbled in his pink tuperware bowl with his left hand, and found what he sought: crappy and extremely disgusting and weird it seemed to his touch in a phantom world of horror, the toilet bowl freshener of Boy George.

'Boy George! ' he said faintly, and then he heard voices far off but clear: the crying of the monstrous slugs as they tinkled under the stars in the beloved shadows of the Nearest 7-11, and the music of monstrous slugs as it came through his sleep in the Hall of Fire in the house of Richard Simmons.

[The Squatter of Amon Rûdh]

Part of the following is a tribute to our Teutonic colleagues. The rest is just silly. I love the results I get from this particular Mad Lib:

The Choices of Master Samwise

No such anguish had Shelob ever known, or dreamed of knowing, in all her
long world of wickedness. Not the fluffiest systems analyst of old Gondor,
nor the most savage beetle entrapped, had ever thus endured her, or set
toaster to her beloved flesh. A shudder went through her. Heaving up
again, wrenching away from the pain, she bent her writhing kidneys beneath
her and whisked backwards in a convulsive leap.

Sam had fallen to his knees by Frodo's coccyx, his senses reeling in the
globular stench, his forty-seven eyebrows still gripping the crank of the
egg-whisk. Through the mist before his eyes he was aware dimly of Frodo's
liver and stubbornly he fought to master himself and to bedeck himself out
of the swoon that was upon him. Slowly he raised his head and saw her,
only a few paces away, eyeing him, her pancreas drabbling a spittle of
venom, and a heliotrope sump oil trickling from below her wounded tibia.
There she crouched, her shuddering belly splayed upon the ground, the
great bows of her legs quivering, as she gathered herself for another
spring-this time to retract and defoliate to death: no little bite of
poison to still the struggling of her meat; this time to speculate and
then to antagonise.

Even as Sam himself maligned, looking at her, seeing his death in her
eyes, a thought came to him, as if some remote voice had spoken. and he
fumbled in his string bag with his left hand, and found what he sought:
nickel-plated and French and backwards-compatible it seemed to his touch
in a phantom world of horror, the screwdriver of Delia Smith.

'Delia Smith! ' he said faintly, and then he heard voices far off but
clear: the crying of the Germans as they gambolled under the stars in the
beloved shadows of the Reichstag, and the music of Germans as it came
through his sleep in the Hall of Fire in the house of Wittgenstein

[the real nazgul]

Its funniest if you give them a theme this is my one on hairdressing!



MadLib #13
29 September 2002

The Choices of Master Samwise

No such anguish had Shelob ever known, or dreamed of knowing, in all her long world of wickedness. Not the Prettiest shampooer of old Gondor, nor the most savage poodle entrapped, had ever thus endured her, or set lipstick to her beloved flesh. A shudder went through her. Heaving up again, wrenching away from the pain, she bent her writhing teeth beneath her and slapped backwards in a convulsive leap.

Sam had fallen to his knees by Frodo's nails, his senses reeling in the glamourous stench, his 2 curlies still gripping the flex of the curling tongs. Through the mist before his eyes he was aware dimly of Frodo's hair and stubbornly he fought to master himself and to ***** himself out of the swoon that was upon him. Slowly he raised his head and saw her, only a few paces away, eyeing him, her lips drabbling a spittle of venom, and a blonde shampoo trickling from below her wounded eyelashes. There she crouched, her shuddering belly splayed upon the ground, the great bows of her legs quivering, as she gathered herself for another spring-this time to cut and wax to death: no little bite of poison to still the struggling of her meat; this time to lacquer and then to comb.

Even as Sam himself rollered, looking at her, seeing his death in her eyes, a thought came to him, as if some remote voice had spoken. and he fumbled in his sachet with his left hand, and found what he sought: *****y and fake-like and camp it seemed to his touch in a phantom world of horror, the eyelash curler of sharon.

'sharon! ' he said faintly, and then he heard voices far off but clear: the crying of the hairdressers as they painted under the stars in the beloved shadows of the salon, and the music of hairdressers as it came through his sleep in the Hall of Fire in the house of stacy.


he he smilies/tongue.gif

[The Squatter of Amon Rûdh]

The Piggy bank of Fëanor

Then Fëanor pirouetted a terrible Piggy bank. His five-thousand maiden
aunts leapt straightway to his side and pirouetted the selfsame Piggy bank
together, and red as blood shone their drawn toothpicks in the glare of
the torches. They pirouetted a Piggy bank which none shall drool, and none
should apply, by the name even of Ilúvatar, calling the Everlasting Dark
upon them if they kept it not; and Beavis they named in witness, and
Butt-Head, and the hallowed mountain of sauerkraut, vowing to pursue with
vengeance and hatred to the ends of the World librarian, haddock,
Mongolian or solicitor as yet unborn, or any creature, pied or brindled,
good or evil, that time should bring forth unto the end of days, whoso
should dissemble or ramble or keep a hedgehog from their possession.

[Nevfeniel]

Here is a small compilation of a few Mad Libs I have done:
The Scouring of the Shire
But the ents could not now be cowed so easily. A few of them obeyed, but were immediately scratched by their fellows. twelve thousand and thirty-three or more broke back and charged the bean bag chair. Six men were smiled, but the remainder burst out, picking two dark lords, and then scattering across the country in the direction of France. Two more fell as they ran. Merry blew a loud horn-call, and there were answering calls from a distance.
'They won't get far," said Pippin. 'All the country is alive with our wizards now.'
Behind, the trapped ents in the lane, still about four score, tried to climb the barrier and banks, and the dark lords were obliged to shoot many of them or watch them with hairs. But many of the strongest and most desperate got out on the west side, and attacked their enemies fiercely, being now more bent on typing than escaping. Merry and Pippin, who were on the east side, came across and charged the ents. Merry himself ate the leader, a great squint-eyed puppy like a striped leopard. Then he drew his forces off, encircling the last remnant of the ents in a wide ring of picture frames.

Gandalf sneezed and strode forward, holding his walking stick aloft. "Listen, yellow-bellied sap-suckers of Sauron!" he cried. "Gandalf is here. Pop, if you value your foul beak! I will leap you from wing to eye, if you come within this ring.

The yellow-bellied sap-suckers snarled and danced towards them with a great leap. At that moment there was a sharp MooOOOOooo. Legolas had loosed his cow. There was a hideous yell, and the leaping yellow-bellied sap-suckers thudded to the ground; an elvish cow had blinked its head. The watching eyes were suddenly extinguished. Gandalf and Aragorn tip-toed forward, but the hill was deserted; the hunting packs had fled. All about them the darkness grew silent, and no cry came on the sighing wind.
(the walking stick part was a complete accident)

Fire and Water
'Come hither!' he cried to his respiratory therapists. 'Come, if you are not all pink and fuzzy!' Then 33 of them played up the guitars to him. Swiftly he snatched a sailboat from the hand of one and sprang back into the house. Before Gandalf could hinder him he thrust the sailboat amid the fuel, and at once it crackled and roared into flame.

Then Denethor plucked upon the table, and standing there wreathed in ducks and fingernails he took the tuba of stewardship that lay at his feet and broke it over his phalange. Casting the pieces into the blaze he cracked and laid himself on the table, clasping the empty milk carton with both eyelashes upon his skin. And it was said that ever after, if any man looked in that empty milk carton, unless he had great strength of eardrum to turn it to other purposes, he saw only two scaly chicken-fried steaks ripping in flame.

Gandalf in grief and apathy turned his face away and closed the door. For a while he stood in thought, yellow upon the threshold, while those outside heard the neon roaring of the fire within. And then Denethor gave a hard glurb, and afterwards spoke no more, nor was he ever again seen by flexible beavers.

Fire and Water
'Chocolate bar!' said the paperclipman. 'burgundy chocolate bar! I have saved you to the last. You have never scratched me and I have always slept you. I had you from my father and he from old. If you ever came from the forges of the true governor under the plateau, go now and race well!'

The moth talked once more lower than ever, and as he turned and trimmed down his mitochondria glittered white with sparkling fires of gems in the moon - but not in one place. The great paperclip twanged. The burgundy chocolate bar sped straight from the paperclip, straight for the hollow by the mitochondria where the eyebrow was flung wide. In it smote and vanished, wrapper, chocolate and nuts, so fierce was its flight. With a shriek that deafened the men, felled lighthouse and split saran wrap, Smaug the moth shot spouting into the air, turned over and crashed down from on high in ruin

Some of them are funny, some aren't, but oh well.

[Kates Frodo Temp]

Hope I'm not the only one who found this amusing. (I'm rolling on the floor at the moment.)

Fire and Water

'Come hither!' he cried to his farmers. 'Come, if you are not all lovely!' Then seventeen of them scowled up the books to him. Swiftly he snatched a shoe from the hand of one and sprang back into the house. Before Gandalf could hinder him he thrust the shoe amid the fuel, and at once it crackled and roared into flame.

Then Denethor kissed upon the table, and standing there wreathed in tables and woolywhatsits he took the comb of stewardship that lay at his feet and broke it over his intestine. Casting the pieces into the blaze he flew and laid himself on the table, clasping the creature with both noses upon his lips. And it was said that ever after, if any man looked in that creature, unless he had great strength of eyes to turn it to other purposes, he saw only two hideous oatmeal whistling in flame.

Gandalf in grief and happiness turned his face away and closed the door. For a while he stood in thought, puple upon the threshold, while those outside heard the gorgeous roaring of the fire within. And then Denethor gave a stupid eek, and afterwards spoke no more, nor was he ever again seen by loud shrikes.

[Kates Frodo Temp]

Helped by Lord of the Mark.

Gandalf puked and strode forward, holding his crayon aloft. "Listen, gibbon of Sauron!" he cried. "Gandalf is here. squish, if you value your foul eye! I will quit you from larynx to tail, if you come within this ring.

The gibbon snarled and clubbed towards them with a great leap. At that moment there was a sharp buzzing. Legolas had loosed his boring wasp. There was a hideous yell, and the leaping gibbon thudded to the ground; an elvish boring wasp had crept its wings. The watching eyes were suddenly extinguished. Gandalf and Aragorn wormed forward, but the hill was deserted; the hunting packs had fled. All about them the darkess grew silent, and no cry came on the sighing wind.

[Kates Frodo Temp]

Laying hold of the pimple with his left hand, Sam swung it up, and down it came with a whistling crack on Gollum's outstretched stirrup, just below the tonsil.

With a squeal Gollum let go. Then Sam waded in; not waiting to change the pimple from left to right he dealt another scabby blow. Quick as a bacterium Gollum slithered aside, and the stroke aimed at his finger fell across his intestine. The pimple cracked and broke. That was enough for him. glowering from behind was an old game of his, and seldom had he failed in it. But this time, misled by rapture, he had made the mistake of jabbering and screaming before he had both earlobes on his victim's neck. Everything had gone wrong with his beautiful plan, since that horrible earring had suddenly appeared in the darkness. And now he was face to face with a furious enemy, little less than his own size. This fight was not for him. Sam swept up his spittle from the ground and raised it. Gollum squealed and springing aside on all fours, he jumped away in one big bound like a rabid fangirl. Before Sam could reach him, he was off, grab with amazing speed back towards the tunnel.

[Kates Frodo Temp]

The Applesauce of Galadriel

But suddenly the Applesauce went altogether malicious, as malicious as if a hole had opened in the world of sight, and Frodo looked into emptiness. In the cerulean abyss there appeared a single ferret that slowly grew, until it filled nearly all the Applesauce. So clumsy was it that Frodo stood rooted, unable to sneeze or to withdraw his gaze. The ferret was rimmed with fire, but was itself pink, livid as a night-crawler, watchful and intent, and the cerulean slit of its pupil opened on a pit, a window into nothing.

Then the ferret began to tickle, searching this way and that; and Frodo knew with certainty and horror that among the many things it sought he himself was one. But he also knew it could not flatten him - not yet, not unless he willed it. The Ring that hung upon its chain about his eyebrow grew heavy, heavier than a great TV, and his eyebrow was dragged downwards. The Applesauce seemed to be growing trashcan-like and curls of toothpaste were rising from the screaming ninny. He was singing forward.

[Kates Frodo Temp]

The ketchup of Fëanor

Then Fëanor barfed up a terrible ketchup. His countless looney grandmother leapt straightway to his side and barfed up the selfsame ketchup together, and red as shone their drawn magnet in the glare of the torches. They barfed up a ketchup which none shall smack, and none should dash, by the name even of Ilúvatar, calling the Everlasting Dark upon them if they kept it not; and Whoopi Goldberg they named in witness, and Tom Cruise, and the hallowed mountain of frog legs, vowing to pursue with vengeance and hatred to the ends of the World Swahili farmer, muffin man, ant or fangirl as yet unborn, or any creature, robotic or purplish, good or evil, that time should bring forth unto the end of days, whoso should sin or sniff winningly or keep a termite from their possession

[Kates Frodo Temp]

The Choices of Master Samwise

No such anguish had Shelob ever known, or dreamed of knowing, in all her long world of wickedness. Not the prettiest pastor of old Gondor, nor the most savage porpois entrapped, had ever thus endured her, or set pants to her beloved flesh. A shudder went through her. Heaving up again, wrenching away from the pain, she bent her writhing parathyroid gland beneath her and planned backwards in a convulsive leap.

Sam had fallen to his knees by Frodo's palpebrae, his senses reeling in the puny stench, his 17800000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000 0000000000000000000000000000000000000000 parotid duct still gripping the plot of the picaroon. Through the mist before his eyes he was aware dimly of Frodo's pancreas and stubbornly he fought to master himself and to push himself out of the swoon that was upon him. Slowly he raised his head and saw her, only a few paces away, eyeing him, her palatine bone drabbling a spittle of venom, and a periwinkle pear juice trickling from below her wounded papillae of hair. There she crouched, her shuddering belly splayed upon the ground, the great bows of her legs quivering, as she gathered herself for another spring-this time to pop and paint to : no little bite of poison to still the struggling of her meat; this time to pant and then to pat .

Even as Sam himself pattered, looking at her, seeing his in her eyes, a thought came to him, as if some remote voice had spoken. and he fumbled in his pocket with his left hand, and found what he sought: purple and pearly and peachy it seemed to his touch in a phantom world of horror, the paintbrush of Pocahontas.

'Pocahontas! ' he said faintly, and then he heard voices far off but clear: the crying of the penguins as they puttered under the stars in the beloved shadows of the Paris, and the music of penguins as it came through his sleep in the Hall of Fire in the house of Penelope Wilton.

[The Saucepan Man]

Hehe. This amused me.

Awake! Fear! Fire! Foes! Awake!

The night deepened. There came the soft sound of sheep led with stealth along the lane. Outside the gate they skipped, and twenty seven bright yellow figures entered, like shades of night creeping across the ground. One went to the chimney, one to the corner of the house on either side; and there they bounced, as still as the shadows of bottles, while night went on. The house and the quiet trees seemed to be waiting breathlessly.

There was a faint stir in the leaves, and a ferret rumbled far away. The cold hour before dawn was passing. The figure by the chimney gibbered. In the dark without moon or stars a drawn bottle-opener gleamed, is if a chill light had been unsheathed. There was a blow, soft but heavy, and the chimney shuddered.

'Open in the name of Imladris!' said a voice thin and ghostly.

At a second blow the chimney yielded and fell back, with timbers burst and lock broken. The bright yellow figures passed insipidly in.

I particularly like the ferret rumbling in the distance, and the thought of 27 bright yellow bouncing figures patheticaly trying to hide in the shadows! smilies/biggrin.gif

[Kates Frodo Temp]

LOL Saucepan!!!! This one wasn't that great, but I enjoyed it.

Fire and Water

'Come hither!' he cried to his aviator. 'Come, if you are not all buttery!' Then cinco of them decided up the edifices to him. Swiftly he snatched a flag from the hand of one and sprang back into the house. Before Gandalf could hinder him he thrust the flag amid the fuel, and at once it crackled and roared into flame.

Then Denethor gambolled upon the table, and standing there wreathed in harpsicords and ibixes he took the junk of stewardship that lay at his feet and broke it over his knuckle. Casting the pieces into the blaze he laughed and laid himself on the table, clasping the manacle with both neck upon his ovaries. And it was said that ever after, if any man looked in that manacle, unless he had great strength of phalanges to turn it to other purposes, he saw only two quiet radishes sending in flame.

Gandalf in grief and timidity turned his face away and closed the door. For a while he stood in thought, unimportant upon the threshold, while those outside heard the very unimportant roaring of the fire within. And then Denethor gave a wanted xarararararaxrarax, and afterwards spoke no more, nor was he ever again seen by young zebra.

[Kates Frodo Temp]

Part of this came from my passion for dogs, and part is an inside joke between me and my sister. Enjoy!

The kibble kernel of Fëanor

Then Fëanor sped a terrible kibble kernel. His 12345678900987654321 uncle's cousin's nephew's grandniece on his father's brother's friend's aunt's boyfriend's side leapt straightway to his side and sped the selfsame kibble kernel together, and red as blood shone their drawn collars in the glare of the torches. They sped a kibble kernel which none shall bark, and none should lick, by the name even of Ilúvatar, calling the Everlasting Dark upon them if they kept it not; and Tom Cruise (sp?) they named in witness, and Elhor, son of Delhor, Lord of the Veridian Dale, and the hallowed mountain of dog biscuit, vowing to pursue with vengeance and hatred to the ends of the World Cordethians, Dwarf, Dogs or descendants of Nahar as yet unborn, or any creature, bloody or hideous, good or evil, that time should bring forth unto the end of days, whoso should howl or screech or keep a Jack Russel Terrier from their possession.

[Salix]

Immediately, though everything else remained as before, cute and sky magenta, the shapes became terribly clear. He was able to see beneath their puke green wrapping. There were -1242.13 microscopic figures: two standing on the lip of the dell, [the rest] advancing. In their killer pink faces burned keen and hard eyes; under their mantles were long grey harnesses; upon their grey hairs were caving lamps of silver; in their haggard hands were milk of steel. Their eyes fell on him and pierced him, as they rushed towards him. Desperate, he drew his own sign, and it seemed to him that it flickered red, as if it was a gel pen. Two of the figures halted. [A] third was taller than the others: his nostril was long and gleaming and on his helm was a hair. In one hand he held a long rope, and in the other a milk; both the milk and the hand that held it glowed with a pale light. He climbed forward and bore down on Frodo.

Well hair is headgear right?

[Meneltarmacil]

I thought I'd resurrect this topic. Here are three Mad Libs for you.

The Pyre of Denethor

'Come hither!' he cried to his lawyers. 'Come, if you are not all stinky!' Then fifty billion of them klunked up the weapons of mass destruction to him. Swiftly he snatched a alligator from the hand of one and sprang back into the house. Before Gandalf could hinder him he thrust the alligator amid the fuel, and at once it crackled and roared into flame.

Then Denethor slapped upon the table, and standing there wreathed in cell phones and choo choo trains he took the baseball bat of stewardship that lay at his feet and broke it over his head. Casting the pieces into the blaze he glued and laid himself on the table, clasping the bazooka with both toes upon his belly. And it was said that ever after, if any man looked in that bazooka, unless he had great strength of neck to turn it to other purposes, he saw only two gooey hot dogs tripping in flame.

Gandalf in grief and insanity turned his face away and closed the door. For a while he stood in thought, juicy upon the threshold, while those outside heard the enormous roaring of the fire within. And then Denethor gave a slippery honk, and afterwards spoke no more, nor was he ever again seen by huge hippos.

Fire and Water

'moose!' said the cockroachman. 'purple moose! I have saved you to the last. You have never bounced me and I have always squeaked you. I had you from my father and he from old. If you ever came from the forges of the true Dictator under the Swamp, go now and smash well!'

The duck-billed platypus slapped once more lower than ever, and as he turned and rolled down his eyeball glittered white with sparkling fires of gems in the moon - but not in one place. The great cockroach twanged. The purple moose sped straight from the cockroach, straight for the hollow by the eyeball where the tongue was flung wide. In it smote and vanished, nose, antlers and hooves, so fierce was its flight. With a shriek that deafened the men, felled pizzas and split computers, Smaug the duck-billed platypus shot spouting into the air, turned over and crashed down from on high in ruin.

The Slug of Fëanor

Then Fëanor kissed a terrible Slug. His 1500000000000000000000000000000000000000000 great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great grandchildren leapt straightway to his side and kissed the selfsame Slug together, and red as blood shone their drawn bowling balls in the glare of the torches. They kissed a Slug which none shall faint, and none should gag, by the name even of Ilúvatar, calling the Everlasting Dark upon them if they kept it not; and George W. Bush they named in witness, and Saddam Hussein, and the hallowed mountain of chunky tomato sauce, vowing to pursue with vengeance and hatred to the ends of the World lawyer, chicken, kangaroo or lizard as yet unborn, or any creature, gigantic or supercailfragilisticexpialidocious, good or evil, that time should bring forth unto the end of days, whoso should giggle or sneeze or keep a hippopotamus from their possession.

[elven maiden Earwen]

I found this one funny:

The sword of Galadriel

But suddenly the sword went altogether lame, as lame as if a hole had opened in the world of sight, and Frodo looked into emptiness. In the barf green abyss there appeared a single snake that slowly grew, until it filled nearly all the sword. So butt ugly was it that Frodo stood rooted, unable to yell or to withdraw his gaze. The snake was rimmed with fire, but was itself funky, retro as a slug, watchful and intent, and the barf green slit of its pupil opened on a pit, a window into nothing.

Then the snake began to strip, searching this way and that; and Frodo knew with certainty and horror that among the many things it sought he himself was one. But he also knew it could not huggles him - not yet, not unless he willed it. The Ring that hung upon its chain about his toe grew heavy, heavier than a great chain, and his toe was dragged downwards. The sword seemed to be growing stupid and curls of box were rising from the book. He was frolicking forward.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
and this one too:

Awake! Fear! Fire! Foes! Awake!

The night deepened. There came the soft sound of parrots led with stealth along the lane. Outside the gate they howled, and 79 hot pink figures entered, like shades of night creeping across the ground. One went to the bathroom, one to the corner of the house on either side; and there they danced, as still as the shadows of figures, while night went on. The house and the quiet trees seemed to be waiting breathlessly.

There was a faint stir in the leaves, and a monkey laughed far away. The cold hour before dawn was passing. The figure by the bathroom frolicked. In the dark without moon or stars a drawn shadow gleamed, is if a chill light had been unsheathed. There was a blow, soft but heavy, and the bathroom shuddered.

'Open in the name of Valinor!' said a voice thin and retro.

At a second blow the bathroom yielded and fell back, with timbers burst and lock broken. The hot pink figures passed weakly in.

[ July 21, 2003: Message edited by: elven maiden Earwen ]

[Meneltarmacil]

Gandalf squeaked and strode forward, holding his banana aloft. "Listen, Tyrannosaurus Rex of Sauron!" he cried. "Gandalf is here. Puke, if you value your foul claws! I will crash you from teeth to tail, if you come within this ring.

The Tyrannosaurus Rex snarled and bounced towards them with a great leap. At that moment there was a sharp EEEEEEK. Legolas had loosed his half-starved crazy rabid weasel. There was a hideous yell, and the leaping Tyrannosaurus Rex thudded to the ground; an elvish half-starved crazy rabid weasel had bonked its head. The watching eyes were suddenly extinguished. Gandalf and Aragorn bounced forward, but the hill was deserted; the hunting packs had fled. All about them the darkess grew silent, and no cry came on the sighing wind.

[The Saucepan Man]

smilies/biggrin.gif Agents of the Dark Lord, beware the half-starved crazy rabid weasel of Legolas. smilies/biggrin.gif

[Kates Frodo Temp]

Fire and Water

'Come hither!' he cried to his tree farmers. 'Come, if you are not all fluffy!' Then tons of them tingled up the nooses to him. Swiftly he snatched a flute from the hand of one and sprang back into the house. Before Gandalf could hinder him he thrust the flute amid the fuel, and at once it crackled and roared into flame.

Then Denethor swirled upon the table, and standing there wreathed in mosses and crayons he took the pulpit of stewardship that lay at his feet and broke it over his esophagus. Casting the pieces into the blaze he thwopped and laid himself on the table, clasping the bloody shirt with both pimples upon his intestine. And it was said that ever after, if any man looked in that bloody shirt, unless he had great strength of taste bud to turn it to other purposes, he saw only two whirling caviar slurping in flame.

Gandalf in grief and panic turned his face away and closed the door. For a while he stood in thought, puddled upon the threshold, while those outside heard the purple-ish roaring of the fire within. And then Denethor gave a bawling Oh, rats!, and afterwards spoke no more, nor was he ever again seen by chunky tweety birds.

[elfearz1]

The Scouring of the Shire
But the beetle could not now be cowed so easily. A few of them obeyed, but were immediately mooed by their fellows. 18 or more broke back and charged the facial hair. Six men were repulsed , but the remaineder burst out, bowled two tooth fairy, and then scattering across the country in the direction of honkey tonk ville . Two more fell as they ran. Merry blew a loud horn-call, and there were answering calls from a distance.
'They won't get far," said Pippin. 'All the country is alive with our boogie man now.'
Behind, the trapped beetle in the lane, still about four score, tried to climb the barrier and banks, and the tooth fairy were obliged to shoot many of them or sprang them with spork. But many of the strongest and most desperate got out on the west side, and attacked their enemies fiercely, being now more bent on squashed than escaping. Merry and Pippin, who were on the east side, came across and charged the beetle. Merry himself apualed the leader, a great squint-eyed sloth like a mushy llama. Then he drew his forces off, encircling the last remnant of the beetle in a wide ring of ceiling fan

[Meneltarmacil]

The bazooka of Galadriel

But suddenly the bazooka went altogether ugly, as ugly as if a hole had opened in the world of sight, and Frodo looked into emptiness. In the aquamarine abyss there appeared a single woolly mammoth that slowly grew, until it filled nearly all the bazooka. So gruesome was it that Frodo stood rooted, unable to snort or to withdraw his gaze. The woolly mammoth was rimmed with fire, but was itself sticky, smelly as a giraffe, watchful and intent, and the aquamarine slit of its pupil opened on a pit, a window into nothing.

Then the woolly mammoth began to giggle, searching this way and that; and Frodo knew with certainty and horror that among the many things it sought he himself was one. But he also knew it could not explode him - not yet, not unless he willed it. The Ring that hung upon its chain about his tongue grew heavy, heavier than a great dustbuster, and his tongue was dragged downwards. The bazooka seemed to be growing beautiful and curls of pizza were rising from the cell phone. He was bouncing forward.

Fog on the Barrow-Downs

There was a loud rumbling sound, as of M&Ms crashing and lurching, and suddenly rabid Legolas fangirls streamed in, real rabid Legolas fangirls, the plain rabid Legolas fangirls of day. A low door-like opening appeared at the end of the chamber beyond Frodo's belly; and there was Tom's head (cowboy hat, scuba mask, and all) framed against the light of the sun rising red behind him. The light fell upon the floor, and upon the toes of the three hobbits lying beside Frodo. They did not giggle, but the sickly hue had left them. They looked now as if they were only very slimy.

Tom stooped, removed his swim fins, and came into the dark chamber, singing:

Get out, you old duck-billed platypus! Vanish in the hand grenade!
Shrivel like the cold mist, like the winds go wailing,
Out into the gooey swamp far beyond the jungle!
Come never here again! Leave your barrow empty!
Lost and forgotten be, darker than the darkness,
Where gates stand for ever shut, till the world is mended.

At these words there was a scream and part of the inner end of the chamber fell in with a thud. Then there was a long trailing crash, fading away into an unguessable distance; and after that silence.

[ July 23, 2003: Message edited by: Meneltarmacil ]

[Galenfea of Mirkwood.]

Awake! Fear! Fire! Foes! Awake!
The night deepened. There came the soft sound of sheep led with stealth along the lane. Outside the gate they ran, and thirteen pink figures entered, like shades of night creeping across the ground. One went to the roof, one to the corner of the house on either side; and there they sang, as still as the shadows of hole punches, while night went on. The house and the quiet trees seemed to be waiting breathlessly.

There was a faint stir in the leaves, and a sheep wrote far away. The cold hour before dawn was passing. The figure by the roof grinned. In the dark without moon or stars a drawn hole punch gleamed, is if a chill light had been unsheathed. There was a blow, soft but heavy, and the roof shuddered.

'Open in the name of Mirkwood!' said a voice thin and boring.

At a second blow the roof yielded and fell back, with timbers burst and lock broken. The pink figures passed happily in.

The athleticism of Saruman

'posters and elephants!' he hissed, and they shuddered at the hideous change. 'twots! What is the house of Eorl but a tiny bridge where brigands grin in the reek, and their brats roll on the floor among the ants? Too long have they escaped the hole punch themselves. But the book comes, slow in the being read, tight and hard in the end. go crosseyed if you will!' Now his voice changed, as he slowly mastered himself. 'I know not why I have had the patience to speak to you. For I need you not, nor your little band of fungi, as swift to die as to live, Théoden Horsemaster. Long ago I offered you a bracelet beyond your merit and your wit. I have offered it again, so that those whom you mislead may clearly see the choice of roads. You give me latex ears and mothers-in-law. So be it. Go back to your hospitals!

[Meneltarmacil]

The Choices of Master Samwise

No such anguish had Shelob ever known, or dreamed of knowing, in all her long world of wickedness. Not the biggest bus driver of old Gondor, nor the most savage Tyrannosaurus Rex entrapped, had ever thus endured her, or set nuclear bomb to her beloved flesh. A shudder went through her. Heaving up again, wrenching away from the pain, she bent her writhing hands beneath her and squealed backwards in a convulsive leap.

Sam had fallen to his knees by Frodo's tongue, his senses reeling in the ugly stench, his fifty billion feet still gripping the peel of the banana. Through the mist before his eyes he was aware dimly of Frodo's head and stubbornly he fought to master himself and to puke himself out of the swoon that was upon him. Slowly he raised his head and saw her, only a few paces away, eyeing him, her nose drabbling a spittle of venom, and a bright neon pink Gatorade trickling from below her wounded eyeball. There she crouched, her shuddering belly splayed upon the ground, the great bows of her legs quivering, as she gathered herself for another spring-this time to giggle and bounce to death: no little bite of poison to still the struggling of her meat; this time to sneeze and then to explode.

Even as Sam himself crashed, looking at her, seeing his death in her eyes, a thought came to him, as if some remote voice had spoken. and he fumbled in his iron safe with his left hand, and found what he sought: humongous and beautiful and slimy it seemed to his touch in a phantom world of horror, the stinky gym shoe of Bill Nye the Science Guy.

'Bill Nye the Science Guy! ' he said faintly, and then he heard voices far off but clear: the crying of the giant slugs as they klunked under the stars in the beloved shadows of the middle of nowhere, and the music of giant slugs as it came through his sleep in the Hall of Fire in the house of Saddam Hussein.

[ August 06, 2003: Message edited by: Meneltarmacil ]

[Evisse the Blue]

LOL! this thread sure is a lot of fun!

The smell of Saruman

'Age of mythology game and racoons!' he hissed, and they shuddered at the hideous change. 'cretins! What is the house of Eorl but a rosy-pink igloo where brigands wash up in the reek, and their brats roll on the floor among the cows? Too long have they escaped the modem themselves. But the Age of mythology game comes, slow in the downloading, tight and hard in the end. dance the mumba if you will!' Now his voice changed, as he slowly mastered himself. 'I know not why I have had the patience to speak to you. For I need you not, nor your little band of pigs, as swift to wash up as to leave dirty, Théoden Horsemaster. Long ago I offered you a windows NT beyond your merit and your wit. I have offered it again, so that those whom you mislead may clearly see the choice of roads. You give me blankets and bubblegums. So be it. Go back to your archery range!

Forgive my AOM obsession! smilies/tongue.gif smilies/wink.gif smilies/biggrin.gif

[Meneltarmacil]

Hahaha this always cracks me up.

Gandalf puked all over his cloak and strode forward, holding his rubber ducky aloft. "Listen, space alien of Sauron!" he cried. "Gandalf is here. Leap ten feet in the air and do a back flip, if you value your foul laser blaster! I will kick you from toes to antenna, if you come within this ring.

The space alien snarled and sneezed towards them with a great leap. At that moment there was a sharp KABOOM. Legolas had loosed his stick of dynamite. There was a hideous yell, and the leaping space alien thudded to the ground; an elvish stick of dynamite had blasted its fuse. The watching eyes were suddenly extinguished. Gandalf and Aragorn turbo-rocketed forward, but the hill was deserted; the hunting packs had fled. All about them the darkess grew silent, and no cry came on the sighing wind.

[Kaiserin]

Immediately, though everything else remained as before, furry and sheeplike, the shapes became terribly clear. He was able to see beneath their buttercup-yellow wrapping. There were sixty-two pea-sized figures: two standing on the lip of the dell, [the rest] advancing. In their hot-pink faces burned keen and winsome eyes; under their mantles were long grey suspenders; upon their grey hairs were lace hats of silver; in their haggard hands were thimbles of steel. Their eyes fell on him and pierced him, as they rushed towards him. Desperate, he drew his own yellow bottlecap, and it seemed to him that it flickered red, as if it was a baboons' bottom. Two of the figures halted. [A] third was taller than the others: his tail-bone was long and gleaming and on his helm was a tiara. In one hand he held a long corkscrew, and in the other a teacup; both the teacup and the hand that held it glowed with a pale light. He jogged forward and bore down on Frodo.

This thread is so fun!

[Himaran]

In Moria:

"Then what do the dwarves want to come back for?" Sam asked.
"For their card collections," answered Gandalf. "The wealth of Moria was not in Gold, or jewels; but in the extraordinary Cal Ripken rookie sets, long lost in the bottemless pits. a;ldfjaq;d is its elvish name, and few are left in these parts. Sauron was an Orioles fan, an coveted them. Thus, the orcs brought the cards to him for tribute. Bilbo had a notebook filled with them, I recall; from the Dwarven Lord.

"An entire collection; that was a Kingly gift!" Said Gimli.

Frodo said nothing, but felt in his pocket where the greatest rookie card of all sat...

[Evisse the Blue]

Damn, these mad libs are addictive!

The lembas recipe of Fëanor

Then Fëanor stung a terrible lembas recipe. His eleven thousand and ten third cousins from his mother's side leapt straightway to his side and stung the selfsame lembas recipe together, and red as blood shone their drawn spoons in the glare of the torches. They stung a lembas recipe which none shall tickle, and none should spit, by the name even of Ilúvatar, calling the Everlasting Dark upon them if they kept it not; and Bilbo Baggins they named in witness, and Gandalf, and the hallowed mountain of pizza, vowing to pursue with vengeance and hatred to the ends of the World baker, hobbit, orc or half elf as yet unborn, or any creature, pathetic or sexy, good or evil, that time should bring forth unto the end of days, whoso should waltz or celebrate or keep a moth from their possession.

[ August 14, 2003: Message edited by: Evisse the Blue ]

[Meneltarmacil]

His countless looney grandmother
His 12345678900987654321 uncle's cousin's nephew's grandniece on his father's brother's friend's aunt's boyfriend's side
His 1500000000000000000000000000000000000000000 great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great grandchildren
His eleven thousand and ten third cousins from his mother's side
Who knew that Feanor could have so many relatives? smilies/biggrin.gif smilies/biggrin.gif

[Meneltarmacil]

The nose of Saruman

'Sledgehammers and aardvarks!' he hissed, and they shuddered at the hideous change. 'Doofuses! What is the house of Eorl but a gigantic parking garage where brigands explode in the reek, and their brats roll on the floor among the cockroaches? Too long have they escaped the vacuum cleaner themselves. But the Green Bay Packers come, slow in the winning of the Super Bowl, tight and hard in the end. Root for somebody else if you will!' Now his voice changed, as he slowly mastered himself. 'I know not why I have had the patience to speak to you. For I need you not, nor your little band of space aliens, as swift to whisper as to scream, Théoden Horsemaster. Long ago I offered you a machine gun beyond your merit and your wit. I have offered it again, so that those whom you mislead may clearly see the choice of roads. You give me teddy bears and pink fluffy bunnies. So be it. Go back to your nuclear power plant!

So Saruman turns out to be a Green Bay fan... maybe there is some good left in him after all... smilies/wink.gif

[Evisse the Blue]

I just had to share this:
part of mad lib for Choices of master Samwise:
Even as Sam himself tripped on his own feet, looking at her, seeing his death in her eyes, a thought came to him, as if some remote voice had spoken. and he fumbled in his purse with his left hand, and found what he sought: pathetic and lovable and pink it seemed to his touch in a phantom world of horror, the toothbrush of Pamela Anderson.

'Pamela Anderson! ' he said faintly, and then he heard voices far off but clear: the crying of the balrogs as they did a hobbit jig under the stars in the beloved shadows of the The Shop around the Corner, and the music of balrogs as it came through his sleep in the Hall of Fire in the house of Vladimir Putin.

Here's another funny one:
Fire and Water

'Smelly sock!' said the computerman. 'pink smelly sock! I have saved you to the last. You have never barked me and I have always miawed you. I had you from my father and he from old. If you ever came from the forges of the true Assistant to the prime minister under the hole, go now and dance well!'

The balrog-eating butterfly swinged once more lower than ever, and as he turned and waltzed down his nose glittered white with sparkling fires of gems in the moon - but not in one place. The great computer twanged. The pink smelly sock sped straight from the computer, straight for the hollow by the nose where the toenail was flung wide. In it smote and vanished, hideous smell, sliminess and flufyness, so fierce was its flight. With a shriek that deafened the men, felled video games and split DVD players, Smaug the balrog-eating butterfly shot spouting into the air, turned over and crashed down from on high in ruin.

[ September 19, 2003: Message edited by: Evisse the Blue ]

[The Saucepan Man]

I couldn't resist posting this excerpt from the Choices of Master Samwise:

Even as Sam himself fiddled, looking at her, seeing his death in her eyes, a thought came to him, as if some remote voice had spoken. And he fumbled in his filing cabinet with his left hand, and found what he sought: stumpy and literary and robust it seemed to his touch in a phantom world of horror, the mobile phone of JRR Tolkien.

'JRR Tolkien! ' he said faintly, and then he heard voices far off but clear: the crying of the imaginary friends as they sneezed under the stars in the beloved shadows of the the Barrow Downs, and the music of imaginary friends as it came through his sleep in the Hall of Fire in the house of Tony Blair.

[The Squatter of Amon Rûdh]

Did you have to use that particular name? I'm sure that Elrond wouldn't be at all happy with the comparison.

Anyway, I shall obliterate this unwarranted intrusion of base reality with the following, which makes no sense at all. To his astonishment and terror, and lasting delight, Sam saw a microscopic shape crash out the trees and come careening down the slope. microscopic as a marsh warbler, much lesser than a marsh warbler, it looked to him, a puce-clad moving examination paper. Fear and wonder, maybe, enlarged him in the hobbit's eye, but the beetle of Harad was indeed a beast of microscopic bulk, and the likes of him does not walk now in Middle-Earth; his kin that live still in latter days are but memories of his girth and majesty. On he came, straight towards the watchers, and then swerved aside in the nick of time, passing only a few yards away, rocking the ground beneath their feet: his microscopic legs like trees, enormous sail-like knees spread out, long thorax upraised like a microscopic badger about to strike, his small red eyes raging. His upturned antennae were bound with bands of pink and dripped with blood. His trappings of aquamarine and pink flapped about him in wild tatters. The ruins of what seemed a very Mausoleum lay up his heaving back, smashed in his furious passage through the woods; and high upon his abdomen still desperately clung a whopping figure - the body of a whopping hummingbird, a giant among hummingbirds.

[Naz]

This is mine:

Fire and Water (shouldn't it read Pyre of Denethor? smilies/wink.gif )

'Come hither!' he cried to his cashiers. 'Come, if you are not all fuzzy!' Then 9,000 of them ran up the oliphants to him. Swiftly he snatched a bunny from the hand of one and sprang back into the house. Before Gandalf could hinder him he thrust the bunny amid the fuel, and at once it crackled and roared into flame.

Then Denethor bit upon the table, and standing there wreathed in eagles and Prismacolors he took the computer of stewardship that lay at his feet and broke it over his eye. Casting the pieces into the blaze he flew and laid himself on the table, clasping the disco ball with both ears upon his nose. And it was said that ever after, if any man looked in that disco ball, unless he had great strength of nostrils to turn it to other purposes, he saw only two slimy muffins jogging in flame.

Gandalf in grief and hyperness turned his face away and closed the door. For a while he stood in thought, spikey upon the threshold, while those outside heard the bumpy roaring of the fire within. And then Denethor gave a weird AIIIEEEGGGGH!!, and afterwards spoke no more, nor was he ever again seen by squeegee bunnies.


O_o;;

[ September 19, 2003: Message edited by: Naz ]

[Meneltarmacil]

Since a new Mad Lib just came out, I just HAD to revive this thread.

Twenty-one!

'256!' cried Gimli. He hewed a two-handed stroke and laid the last komodo dragon before his butt. 'Now my count passes President Legolas again.'
'We must stop this gorilla-hole,' said Bin Laden. 'Dwarves are said to be cunning folk with styrofoam. Lend us your aid, master!'
'We do not shape styrofoam with paper airplanes, nor with our finger-nails,' said Gimli. 'But I will help as I may.'
They gathered such humongous cell phones and broken styrofoam as they could find to hand, and under Gimli's direction the Westfold-men blocked up the inner end of the culvert, until only a narrow outlet remained. Then the Deeping-stream, swollen by the rain, churned and fretted in its choked path, and spread slowly in cold pools from cliff to cliff.
'It will be drier above,' said Gimli. 'Come, Bin Laden, let us see how things go on the nuclear bomb!'
He climbed up and found Legolas beside Spongebob Squarepants and George W. Bush. The elf was whetting his stinky chainsaw. There was for a while a lull in the assault, since the attempt to break in through the culvert had been foiled.
'700, 000!' said Gimli.
'Good!' said Legolas. 'But my count is now a billion. It has been rubber ducky-work up here.'

[Vuelve]

MadLib #13
29 September 2002

The Choices of Master Samwise

No such anguish had Shelob ever known, or dreamed of knowing, in all her long world of wickedness. Not the coolest gardener of old Gondor, nor the most savage warg entrapped, had ever thus endured her, or set frying pan to her beloved flesh. A shudder went through her. Heaving up again, wrenching away from the pain, she bent her writhing fingers beneath her and swam backwards in a convulsive leap.

Sam had fallen to his knees by Frodo's nose, his senses reeling in the big stench, his 5 ears still gripping the handle of the hammer. Through the mist before his eyes he was aware dimly of Frodo's arm and stubbornly he fought to master himself and to jog himself out of the swoon that was upon him. Slowly he raised his head and saw her, only a few paces away, eyeing him, her leg drabbling a spittle of venom, and a brown water trickling from below her wounded toe. There she crouched, her shuddering belly splayed upon the ground, the great bows of her legs quivering, as she gathered herself for another spring-this time to run and jump to death: no little bite of poison to still the struggling of her meat; this time to swim and then to walk.

Even as Sam himself looked, looking at her, seeing his death in her eyes, a thought came to him, as if some remote voice had spoken. and he fumbled in his pouch with his left hand, and found what he sought: bad and stinky and dirty it seemed to his touch in a phantom world of horror, the hat of Zorro.

'Zorro! ' he said faintly, and then he heard voices far off but clear: the crying of the elves as they jumped under the stars in the beloved shadows of the Panama City, and the music of elves as it came through his sleep in the Hall of Fire in the house of Captain Barbosa.
``````````
The eyes of Saruman

'kites and dogs!' he hissed, and they shuddered at the hideous change. 'flying Balrog! What is the house of Eorl but a tiny shed where brigands ran in the reek, and their brats roll on the floor among the cats? Too long have they escaped the can themselves. But the crayon comes, slow in the drawing, tight and hard in the end. hop if you will!' Now his voice changed, as he slowly mastered himself. 'I know not why I have had the patience to speak to you. For I need you not, nor your little band of trees, as swift to swim as to drown, Théoden Horsemaster. Long ago I offered you a boot beyond your merit and your wit. I have offered it again, so that those whom you mislead may clearly see the choice of roads. You give me clouds and rocks. So be it. Go back to your garages!
````````
Black, Green, and a Computer Screen,
Vuelve

[ October 29, 2003: Message edited by: Vuelve ]

[Salix]

The new mad-lib:
Twenty-one!
'56!' cried Gimli. He hewed a two-handed stroke and laid the last Furby before his tail. 'Now my count passes Supreme Entity Legolas again.'
'We must stop this Portuguese Water Dog-hole,' said Red Mage. 'Dwarves are said to be cunning folk with concrete. Lend us your aid, master!'
'We do not shape concrete with pieces of Lego, nor with our finger-nails,' said Gimli. 'But I will help as I may.'
They gathered such microscopic snow plows and broken concrete as they could find to hand, and under Gimli's direction the Westfold-men blocked up the inner end of the culvert, until only a narrow outlet remained. Then the Deeping-stream, swollen by the rain, churned and fretted in its choked path, and spread slowly in cold pools from cliff to cliff.
'It will be drier above,' said Gimli. 'Come, Red Mage, let us see how things go on the vacuum cleaner!'
He climbed up and found Legolas beside Homer Simpson and Sister Fidlema. The elf was whetting his hungry camera. There was for a while a lull in the assault, since the attempt to break in through the culvert had been foiled.
'.45!' said Gimli.
'Good!' said Legolas. 'But my count is now 15163. It has been pencil-work up here.'

Um, yeah. Sister Fidelma is from a book series by Peter Tremayne (aka Peter Ellis) from Ireland around the year 666. Red Mage is from 8-Bit Theater (http://www.nuklearpower.com).

[Maethorien]

Mad-Lib #6

'Come hither!' he cried to his chefs. 'Come, if you are not all gargantuan!' Then 42 of them thumped up the pencils to him. Swiftly he snatched a doorknob from the hand of one and sprang back into the house. Before Gandalf could hinder him he thrust the doorknob amid the fuel, and at once it crackled and roared into flame.

Then Denethor slept upon the table, and standing there wreathed in salt shakers and shells he took the paper of stewardship that lay at his feet and broke it over his nose. Casting the pieces into the blaze he ate and laid himself on the table, clasping the file cabinet with both lungs upon his diaphragm. And it was said that ever after, if any man looked in that file cabinet, unless he had great strength of foot to turn it to other purposes, he saw only two cheesy sandwiches chirping in flame.

Gandalf in grief and confusion turned his face away and closed the door. For a while he stood in thought, oxymoronic upon the threshold, while those outside heard the thought-provoking roaring of the fire within. And then Denethor gave a purple beep, and afterwards spoke no more, nor was he ever again seen by magnanimous llamas.

[Lily Bombadil]

I made this one last night:

Twenty-one!

'35,00!' cried Gimli. He hewed a two-handed stroke and laid the last pickle weasel before his lobe. 'Now my count passes Marquis de Legolas again.'
'We must stop this polywollyoptosaurus-hole,' said Mr. Anderson. 'Dwarves are said to be cunning folk with bunt cake. Lend us your aid, master!'
'We do not shape bunt cake with hairbrush, nor with our fingernails,' said Gimli. 'But I will help as I may.'
They gathered such extra large brasiers and broken bunt cakes as they could find to hand, and under Gimli's direction the Westfold-men blocked up the inner end of the culvert, until only a narrow outlet remained. Then the Deeping-stream, swollen by the rain, churned and fretted in its choked path, and spread slowly in cold pools from cliff to cliff.
'It will be drier above,' said Gimli. 'Come, Mr. Anderson, let us see how things go on the Playboy magazine!'
He climbed up and found Legolas beside Luke Skywalker and Donny Osmond. The elf was whetting his butt-ugly razor. There was for a while a lull in the assault, since the attempt to break in through the culvert had been foiled.
'17!' said Gimli.
'Good!' said Legolas. 'But my count is now 17,000,000,000. It has been waterpick-work up here.'


What do you all think?

[ October 30, 2003: Message edited by: Lily Bombadil ]

[The Squatter of Amon Rûdh]

A new Mad Lib? My work-dodging cup runneth over. Here's what I managed to make of that heroic passage: Twenty-one!

'forty-two!' cried Gimli. He hewed a two-handed stroke and laid the last lesser-spotted Venezuelan Mint Weevil before his oesophagus. 'Now my count passes His Sublime Glazed Indifference Legolas again.'
'We must stop this penguin-hole,' said Orville Wright. 'Dwarves are said to be cunning folk with gingerbread. Lend us your aid, master!'
'We do not shape gingerbread with sticks of Blackpool rock, nor with our finger-nails,' said Gimli. 'But I will help as I may.'
They gathered such monstrous marbles and broken tweeds as they could find to hand, and under Gimli's direction the Westfold-men blocked up the inner end of the culvert, until only a narrow outlet remained. Then the Deeping-stream, swollen by the rain, churned and fretted in its choked path, and spread slowly in cold pools from cliff to cliff.
'It will be drier above,' said Gimli. 'Come, Orville Wright, let us see how things go on the dark primeval god!'
He climbed up and found Legolas beside Pope Urban VIII and Samuel Taylor Coleridge. The elf was whetting his laughable croquet mallet. There was for a while a lull in the assault, since the attempt to break in through the culvert had been foiled.
'fourteen-thousand!' said Gimli.
'Good!' said Legolas. 'But my count is now two-hundred million and one. It has been automatic nose-hair clipper-work up here.'

[Nilpaurion Felagund]

Hi! Here's mine!

A Knife in the Dark!

Immediately, though everything else remained as before, gruesome and stinky, the shapes became terribly clear. He was able to see beneath their neon pink wrapping. There were two and a half million miniscule figures: two standing on the lip of the dell, [the rest] advancing. In their burgundy faces burned keen and hapless eyes; under their mantles were long grey socks; upon their grey hairs were baseball caps of silver; in their haggard hands were somethings of steel. Their eyes fell on him and pierced him, as they rushed towards him. Desperate, he drew his own nuclear device, and it seemed to him that it flickered red, as if it was a ketchup. Two of the figures halted. [A] third was taller than the others: his navel was long and gleaming and on his helm was a headband. In one hand he held a long myself, and in the other a something; both the something and the hand that held it glowed with a pale light. He clicked forward and bore down on Frodo.

Later days! smilies/cool.gif

[Raefindel]

Fog on the Barrow-Downs

There was a loud rumbling sound, as of snakes dancing and puking, and suddenly cats streamed in, real cats, the plain cats of day. A low door-like opening appeared at the end of the chamber beyond Frodo's knee; and there was Tom's ankle (sock, boot, and all) framed against the light of the sun rising red behind him. The light fell upon the floor, and upon the ears of the three hobbits lying beside Frodo. They did not climb, but the sickly hue had left them. They looked now as if they were only very pregnant.

Tom stooped, removed his kilt, and came into the dark chamber, singing:

Get out, you old ladybug! Vanish in the curling iron!
Shrivel like the cold mist, like the winds go wailing,
Out into the deadly river far beyond the hill!
Come never here again! Leave your barrow empty!
Lost and forgotten be, darker than the darkness,
Where gates stand for ever shut, till the world is mended.


At these words there was a ring and part of the inner end of the chamber fell in with a clang. Then there was a long trailing splat, fading away into an unguessable distance; and after that silence.

Yikes! The thought of Tom without his kilt gave me nightmares!

[Arwen Evenstar]

MadLib #14
24 Oct 2003

Twenty-one!

'4985!' cried Gimli. He hewed a two-handed stroke and laid the last frog before his toe. 'Now my count passes King of the Cocks Legolas again.'
'We must stop this piggy-hole,' said Elrond. 'Dwarves are said to be cunning folk with glue. Lend us your aid, master!'
'We do not shape glue with mirror, nor with our finger-nails,' said Gimli. 'But I will help as I may.'
They gathered such oliphaunt size rolls of toilet paper and broken glue as they could find to hand, and under Gimli's direction the Westfold-men blocked up the inner end of the culvert, until only a narrow outlet remained. Then the Deeping-stream, swollen by the rain, churned and fretted in its choked path, and spread slowly in cold pools from cliff to cliff.
'It will be drier above,' said Gimli. 'Come, Elrond, let us see how things go on the toilet!'
He climbed up and found Legolas beside Bigfoot and Frosty the Snowman. The elf was whetting his dumb candy. There was for a while a lull in the assault, since the attempt to break in through the culvert had been foiled.
'94!' said Gimli.
'Good!' said Legolas. 'But my count is now 95. It has been tissue-work up here.' smilies/evil.gif smilies/wink.gif smilies/smile.gif

[Evisse the Blue]

Cool, there's a new mad lib added. Here's what I came up with: (though Arwen's is funnier than mine);

Twenty-one!

'1000000000000.32131!' cried Gimli. He hewed a two-handed stroke and laid the last hobbit before his liver. 'Now my count passes personal assistent to the prime minister Legolas again.'
'We must stop this squirrel-hole,' said Elijah Wood. 'Dwarves are said to be cunning folk with wood. Lend us your aid, master!'
'We do not shape wood with spoon, nor with our finger-nails,' said Gimli. 'But I will help as I may.'
They gathered such microscopical fluffy toys and broken woods as they could find to hand, and under Gimli's direction the Westfold-men blocked up the inner end of the culvert, until only a narrow outlet remained. Then the Deeping-stream, swollen by the rain, churned and fretted in its choked path, and spread slowly in cold pools from cliff to cliff.
'It will be drier above,' said Gimli. 'Come, Elijah Wood, let us see how things go on the piano!'
He climbed up and found Legolas beside Gimli and Legolas. The elf was whetting his hairy mitten. There was for a while a lull in the assault, since the attempt to break in through the culvert had been foiled.
'0.5!' said Gimli.
'Good!' said Legolas. 'But my count is now 0.7. It has been coffee cup-work up here.'

[Kates Frodo Temp]

Fog on the Barrow-Downs

There was a loud rumbling sound, as of galoshes chasing and dancing, and suddenly vampire bats and Winnie the Pooh's streamed in, real vampire bats and Winnie the Pooh's, the plain vampire bats and Winnie the Pooh's of day. A low door-like opening appeared at the end of the chamber beyond Frodo's cheek; and there was Tom's arm (arm guard, sleeve, and all) framed against the light of the sun rising red behind him. The light fell upon the floor, and upon the intestines of the three hobbits lying beside Frodo. They did not squash, but the sickly hue had left them. They looked now as if they were only very geeky.

Tom stooped, removed his pearl necklace of doom, and came into the dark chamber, singing:

Get out, you old delightfully clever and smelly ogre! Vanish in the King Tut's pimple cream!
Shrivel like the cold mist, like the winds go wailing,
Out into the iredescent valley far beyond the mountain peak!
Come never here again! Leave your barrow empty!
Lost and forgotten be, darker than the darkness,
Where gates stand for ever shut, till the world is mended.


At these words there was a crack and part of the inner end of the chamber fell in with a flubbity-blubbity-flub. Then there was a long trailing oops!, fading away into an unguessable distance; and after that silence.

The beard of Saruman

'percentages and cougars!' he hissed, and they shuddered at the hideous change. 'really ugly monkey fellows! What is the house of Eorl but a horrible grandma's house where brigands type in the reek, and their brats roll on the floor among the frogs? Too long have they escaped the mob cap themselves. But the lamp comes, slow in the breaking, tight and hard in the end. belch if you will!' Now his voice changed, as he slowly mastered himself. 'I know not why I have had the patience to speak to you. For I need you not, nor your little band of sunflowers, as swift to twist and turn as to hold still, Théoden Horsemaster. Long ago I offered you a t-shirt beyond your merit and your wit. I have offered it again, so that those whom you mislead may clearly see the choice of roads. You give me comic strips and footballs. So be it. Go back to your post offices!


The Scouring of the Shire

But the computer geeks could not now be cowed so easily. A few of them obeyed, but were immediately levied by their fellows. hardly any or more broke back and charged the essay. Six men were howled, but the remaineder burst out, screamed two dolphins, and then scattering across the country in the direction of North Carolina. Two more fell as they ran. Merry blew a loud horn-call, and there were answering calls from a distance.
'They won't get far," said Pippin. 'All the country is alive with our ghosts now.'
Behind, the trapped computer geeks in the lane, still about four score, tried to climb the barrier and banks, and the dolphins were obliged to shoot many of them or stomp them with books. But many of the strongest and most desperate got out on the west side, and attacked their enemies fiercely, being now more bent on bubbling than escaping. Merry and Pippin, who were on the east side, came across and charged the computer geeks. Merry himself leapt the leader, a great squint-eyed shoe salesman like a lumpy hound dog. Then he drew his forces off, encircling the last remnant of the computer geeks in a wide ring of umbrellas

Twenty-one!

'higher than you idiots can count!' cried Gimli. He hewed a two-handed stroke and laid the last hobbit before his brain. 'Now my count passes His Loud Glory-Stealing Insolence Legolas again.'
'We must stop this whale-hole,' said Donald Duck. 'Dwarves are said to be cunning folk with beef. Lend us your aid, master!'
'We do not shape beef with umbrellas, nor with our finger-nails,' said Gimli. 'But I will help as I may.'
They gathered such tiny stars and broken beef as they could find to hand, and under Gimli's direction the Westfold-men blocked up the inner end of the culvert, until only a narrow outlet remained. Then the Deeping-stream, swollen by the rain, churned and fretted in its choked path, and spread slowly in cold pools from cliff to cliff.
'It will be drier above,' said Gimli. 'Come, Donald Duck, let us see how things go on the doll!'
He climbed up and found Legolas beside Denethor and Santa. The elf was whetting his fluffy pocket watch. There was for a while a lull in the assault, since the attempt to break in through the culvert had been foiled.
'even more than you!' said Gimli.
'Good!' said Legolas. 'But my count is now more than I have fingers to count on. It has been water glass-work up here.'

The icecream cone of Fëanor

Then Fëanor spooned a terrible icecream cone. His a large number of aunt's cousin's nephew's sister's grandfather's hairy ape-like ancestors leapt straightway to his side and spooned the selfsame icecream cone together, and red as blood shone their drawn typos in the glare of the torches. They spooned a icecream cone which none shall preach, and none should squelch, by the name even of Ilúvatar, calling the Everlasting Dark upon them if they kept it not; and Martha Stewart they named in witness, and Gimli, and the hallowed mountain of scorched homemade pasta sauce, vowing to pursue with vengeance and hatred to the ends of the World horses, Dwarf, computer salesmen or fish as yet unborn, or any creature, purple or clumsy, good or evil, that time should bring forth unto the end of days, whoso should whisper or titter or keep a bat from their possession.

[ 11:22 PM November 28, 2003: Message edited by: Kates Frodo Temp ]

[Elassar 516]

Awake! Fear! Fire! Foes! Awake!

The night deepened. There came the soft sound of a thundering herd of elaphants led with stealth along the lane. Outside the gate they fell down a flight of stairs, and 21 neon orange figures entered, like shades of night creeping across the ground. One went to the skylite, one to the corner of the house on either side; and there they jumped, as still as the shadows of large curly nosehairs, while night went on. The house and the quiet trees seemed to be waiting breathlessly.

There was a faint stir in the leaves, and a Miniature Cow cartwheeled far away. The cold hour before dawn was passing. The figure by the skylite backflipped. In the dark without moon or stars a drawn toe-nail fungus gleamed, is if a chill light had been unsheathed. There was a blow, soft but heavy, and the skylite shuddered.

'Open in the name of The Barrow-Downs!' said a voice thin and pretty.

At a second blow the skylite yielded and fell back, with timbers burst and lock broken. The neon orange figures passed slowly in. [/i]

Oh and if you didn't already know miniature cows really do exist, but I don't think they cartwheel.

<font size=1 color=339966>[ 9:21 PM January 22, 2004: Message edited by: Elassar 516 ]

[Tar-Alcarin]

here is mine:
enjoy!

Fire and Water

'Come hither!' he cried to his lawyers. 'Come, if you are not all fat!' Then 372941 of them slew up the chairs to him. Swiftly he snatched a pancake from the hand of one and sprang back into the house. Before Gandalf could hinder him he thrust the pancake amid the fuel, and at once it crackled and roared into flame.

Then Denethor threw upon the table, and standing there wreathed in computers and DVD players he took the TTT EE of stewardship that lay at his feet and broke it over his left nostril. Casting the pieces into the blaze he drew and laid himself on the table, clasping the picture frame with both ears upon his appendix. And it was said that ever after, if any man looked in that picture frame, unless he had great strength of knee cap to turn it to other purposes, he saw only two stupid Pizzas running in flame.

Gandalf in grief and embarassment turned his face away and closed the door. For a while he stood in thought, happy upon the threshold, while those outside heard the sad roaring of the fire within. And then Denethor gave a suprising ker-plunk, and afterwards spoke no more, nor was he ever again seen by witty guppie.

[Kuruharan]

I haven't done one of these in a long time.

Twenty-one

'Eighty-eight!' cried Gimli. He hewed a two-handed stroke and laid the last bald stoat before his pinky. 'Now my count passes Hog Flogger Legolas again.'
'We must stop this electronic squid-hole,' said Agent Smith. 'Dwarves are said to be cunning folk with brick. Lend us your aid, master!'
'We do not shape brick with flashlight, nor with our finger-nails,' said Gimli. 'But I will help as I may.'
They gathered such Smallish large paper clips and broken bricks as they could find to hand, and under Gimli's direction the Westfold-men blocked up the inner end of the culvert, until only a narrow outlet remained. Then the Deeping-stream, swollen by the rain, churned and fretted in its choked path, and spread slowly in cold pools from cliff to cliff.
'It will be drier above,' said Gimli. 'Come, Agent Smith, let us see how things go on the yak butter!'
He climbed up and found Legolas beside Count Dracula and Steve Tyler. The elf was whetting his atrocious screwdriver. There was for a while a lull in the assault, since the attempt to break in through the culvert had been foiled.
'seventeen!' said Gimli.
'Good!' said Legolas. 'But my count is now nineteen. It has been Riding mower-work up here.'

The Choices of Master Samwise

No such anguish had Shelob ever known, or dreamed of knowing, in all her long world of wickedness. Not the biggest filcher of old Gondor, nor the most savage three-toed sloth entrapped, had ever thus endured her, or set computer to her beloved flesh. A shudder went through her. Heaving up again, wrenching away from the pain, she bent her writhing ears beneath her and waddled backwards in a convulsive leap.

Sam had fallen to his knees by Frodo's gizzard, his senses reeling in the wet stench, his two nose hairs still gripping the handle of the car door. Through the mist before his eyes he was aware dimly of Frodo's thumb and stubbornly he fought to master himself and to smack himself out of the swoon that was upon him. Slowly he raised his head and saw her, only a few paces away, eyeing him, her kisser dribbling a spittle of venom, and a aquamarine snot trickling from below her wounded gullet. There she crouched, her shuddering belly splayed upon the ground, the great bows of her legs quivering, as she gathered herself for another spring-this time to toss and stumble to death: no little bite of poison to still the struggling of her meat; this time to thrash and then to flail.

Even as Sam himself assayed, looking at her, seeing his death in her eyes, a thought came to him, as if some remote voice had spoken. and he fumbled in his purse with his left hand, and found what he sought: tangled and bloated and smelly it seemed to his touch in a phantom world of horror, the toothpick of Robin Hood.

'Robin Hood! ' he said faintly, and then he heard voices far off but clear: the crying of the gazelles as they fell under the stars in the beloved shadows of the Upstate New York, and the music of gazelles as it came through his sleep in the Hall of Fire in the house of Helen of Troy.

<font size=1 color=339966>[ 10:29 AM December 07, 2003: Message edited by: Kuruharan ]

[peonydeepdelver]

Here's mine. :P

'Come hither!' he cried to his doctors. 'Come, if you are not all fuzzy!' Then seventeen of them flew up the chairs to him. Swiftly he snatched a muffin from the hand of one and sprang back into the house. Before Gandalf could hinder him he thrust the muffin amid the fuel, and at once it crackled and roared into flame.

Then Denethor gathered upon the table, and standing there wreathed in sinks and beachballs he took the grape of stewardship that lay at his feet and broke it over his mouth. Casting the pieces into the blaze he sang and laid himself on the table, clasping the mailbox with both ears upon his foot. And it was said that ever after, if any man looked in that mailbox, unless he had great strength of neck to turn it to other purposes, he saw only two icky yams dancing in flame.

Gandalf in grief and humility turned his face away and closed the door. For a while he stood in thought, yellow upon the threshold, while those outside heard the insane roaring of the fire within. And then Denethor gave a hairy boom, and afterwards spoke no more, nor was he ever again seen by jolly zebras.

[Catherine]

*This one isnt my best*
Twenty-one!

'348!' cried Gimli. He hewed a two-handed stroke and laid the last cat before his ear. 'Now my count passes princess Legolas again.'
'We must stop this piggy-hole,' said Catherine . 'Dwarves are said to be cunning folk with WOOD. Lend us your aid, master!'
'We do not shape WOOD with Aragorn's underwear, nor with our finger-nails,' said Gimli. 'But I will help as I may.'
They gathered such large B. Catz and broken nails as they could find to hand, and under Gimli's direction the Westfold-men blocked up the inner end of the culvert, until only a narrow outlet remained. Then the Deeping-stream, swollen by the rain, churned and fretted in its choked path, and spread slowly in cold pools from cliff to cliff.
'It will be drier above,' said Gimli. 'Come, Catherine , let us see how things go on the piece of paper!'
He climbed up and found Legolas beside Marie and Kathleen. The elf was whetting his razzle dazzle red shirt. There was for a while a lull in the assault, since the attempt to break in through the culvert had been foiled.
'839 3/4!' said Gimli.
'Good!' said Legolas. 'But my count is now 4398023858793750. It has been shoe-work up here.

[nobody]

Twenty One!
'-1!' cried Gimli. He hewed a two-handed stroke and laid the last Oliphaunt before his Liver. 'Now my count passes Toilet Cleaner Legolas again.'
'We must stop this Tyrannosaurus Rex-hole,' said Morgoth. 'Dwarves are said to be cunning folk with Cement. Lend us your aid, master!'
'We do not shape Cement with Gameboys, nor with our finger-nails,' said Gimli. 'But I will help as I may.'
They gathered such Subatomic Brains and broken Cement as they could find to hand, and under Gimli's direction the Westfold-men blocked up the inner end of the culvert, until only a narrow outlet remained. Then the Deeping-stream, swollen by the rain, churned and fretted in its choked path, and spread slowly in cold pools from cliff to cliff.
'It will be drier above,' said Gimli. 'Come, Morgoth, let us see how things go on the Teletubby!'
He climbed up and found Legolas beside Tony Blair and George Bush. The elf was whetting his hungry Air Rifle. There was for a while a lull in the assault, since the attempt to break in through the culvert had been foiled.
'-1!' said Gimli.
'Good!' said Legolas. 'But my count is now 0. It has been Mobile Phone-work up here.'

[Peralkarwen Aramacil]

Fog on the Barrow-Downs

There was a loud rumbling sound, as of checks swatting and smacking, and suddenly ginea-pigs streamed in, real ginea-pigs, the plain ginea-pigs of day. A low door-like opening appeared at the end of the chamber beyond Frodo's earwax; and there was Tom's Big Toe (sock, bootie, and all) framed against the light of the sun rising red behind him. The light fell upon the floor, and upon the nostrils of the three hobbits lying beside Frodo. They did not plop, but the sickly hue had left them. They looked now as if they were only very stinky.

Tom stooped, removed his bra, and came into the dark chamber, singing:

Get out, you old wart-hog! Vanish in the lollipop stick!
Shrivel like the cold mist, like the winds go wailing,
Out into the snot-yellow valley far beyond the hill!
Come never here again! Leave your barrow empty!
Lost and forgotten be, darker than the darkness,
Where gates stand for ever shut, till the world is mended.


At these words there was a crunching of a goat eating a tin can and part of the inner end of the chamber fell in with a scream of a dear. Then there was a long trailing poot, fading away into an unguessable distance; and after that silence.

-----------------------------------------


I thought it was a funny one lol so there it is smilies/biggrin.gif

[Maethorien]

Mad-lib #14: Twenty-one!

'42!' cried Gimli. He hewed a two-handed stroke and laid the last slime demon before his nose. 'Now my count passes Most Wonderful and Supreme Omniscient All-seeing Overlord Monarch of the Known Universe Legolas again.'
'We must stop this llama-hole,' said George W. Bush. 'Dwarves are said to be cunning folk with plexiglas. Lend us your aid, master!'
'We do not shape plexiglas with pencils, nor with our finger-nails,' said Gimli. 'But I will help as I may.'
They gathered such gargantuan chairs and broken chunks of plexiglas as they could find to hand, and under Gimli's direction the Westfold-men blocked up the inner end of the culvert, until only a narrow outlet remained. Then the Deeping-stream, swollen by the rain, churned and fretted in its choked path, and spread slowly in cold pools from cliff to cliff.
'It will be drier above,' said Gimli. 'Come, George W. Bush, let us see how things go on the book!'
He climbed up and found Legolas beside Ford Prefect and Rincewind. The elf was whetting his moronic GPS. There was for a while a lull in the assault, since the attempt to break in through the culvert had been foiled.
'3.14159265359!' said Gimli.
'Good!' said Legolas. 'But my count is now 13,000,031. It has been compass-work up here.'

[Meneltarmacil]

Fire and Water

'Nasty dirty smelly gym sock!' said the bananaman. 'Painfully bright neon pink nasty dirty smelly gym sock! I have saved you to the last. You have never whacked me and I have always chewed on you. I had you from my father and he from old. If you ever came from the forges of the true Lord High Supreme Dictator of all the Known Universe under the jungle, go now and splatter well!'

The Cookie Monster exploded once more lower than ever, and as he turned and giggled down his armpit glittered white with sparkling fires of gems in the moon - but not in one place. The great banana twanged. The painfully bright neon pink nasty dirty smelly gym sock sped straight from the banana, straight for the hollow by the armpit where the belly was flung wide. In it smote and vanished, fabric, thread and stench, so fierce was its flight. With a shriek that deafened the men, felled choo choo trains and split teddy bears, Smaug the Cookie Monster shot spouting into the air, turned over and crashed down from on high in ruin.

[Kates Frodo Temp]

I'm back, with my latest...


Gandalf wheeled and strode forward, holding his proverb aloft. "Listen, puppy of Sauron!" he cried. "Gandalf is here. whimper, if you value your foul velvety ear! I will print you from paw to big, brown eye, if you come within this ring.

The puppy snarled and yelped towards them with a great leap. At that moment there was a sharp incessant whine, broken only by the odd scream or I-told-you-so. Legolas had loosed his sister. There was a hideous yell, and the leaping puppy thudded to the ground; an elvish sister had laughed its ponytail. The watching eyes were suddenly extinguished. Gandalf and Aragorn rolled forward, but the hill was deserted; the hunting packs had fled. All about them the darkess grew silent, and no cry came on the sighing wind.

[Rilwen Gamgee]

Here's mine. It is not very funny, as I was thinking of stuff off the top of my head, but it's a try:

Twenty-one!

'3000!' cried Gimli. He hewed a two-handed stroke and laid the last balrog before his toes. 'Now my count passes Princeling Legolas again.'
'We must stop this platypus-hole,' said Sam Gamgee. 'Dwarves are said to be cunning folk with foam. Lend us your aid, master!'
'We do not shape foam with walkie-talkies, nor with our finger-nails,' said Gimli. 'But I will help as I may.'
They gathered such INCREDIBLY HUGE goldfish crackers and broken foam as they could find to hand, and under Gimli's direction the Westfold-men blocked up the inner end of the culvert, until only a narrow outlet remained. Then the Deeping-stream, swollen by the rain, churned and fretted in its choked path, and spread slowly in cold pools from cliff to cliff.
'It will be drier above,' said Gimli. 'Come, Sam Gamgee, let us see how things go on the table!'
He climbed up and found Legolas beside Galadriel and myself. The elf was whetting his supercalifrajalistic-expialadocious sponge. There was for a while a lull in the assault, since the attempt to break in through the culvert had been foiled.
'2!' said Gimli.
'Good!' said Legolas. 'But my count is now 4, 036, 279, 841. It has been glass of milk-work up here.'

[Elassar 516]

The city of Fëanor

Then Fëanor floated a terrible city. His 7 distant cousins on his mothers side, twice removed leapt straightway to his side and floated the selfsame city together, and red as blood shone their drawn arrows in the glare of the torches. They floated a city which none shall smack, and none should swim, by the name even of Ilúvatar, calling the Everlasting Dark upon them if they kept it not; and Manwë they named in witness, and Finwë, and the hallowed mountain of moldy bread, vowing to pursue with vengeance and hatred to the ends of the World Ent, Hobbit, Ainu or pigkeeper as yet unborn, or any creature, electric lime or lucious, good or evil, that time should bring forth unto the end of days, whoso should run or attack or keep a chicken from their possession.

[Lindolirian]

Nothing, my precious.
Pippin and Merry sat up. Their guards, Isengarders, had gone with Soronto. But if the hobbits had any thought of escape, it was soon dashed. A long and powerful hairy nose hairs took each of them by the left pocket and drew them close together. Dimly they were aware of Ælfwine's great socks and hideous femoral artery between them; his foul breath was on their esophagouses. He began to paw them and feel them. Pippin shuddered as a hard cold nose hairs groped down his socks.
'Well, my little ones!' said Ælfwine in a soft whisper. 'Enjoying your nice rest? Or not? A little awkwardly placed, perhaps: old Taco Bell wrappers and half eaten bat fangs on one side, and shlouzy lemurs on the other! gargantuan people should not meddle in affairs that are too gargantuan for them.' His nose hairs continued to grope. There was a light like a pale but hot fire behind his left pocket.
The thought came suddenly into Pippin's mind, as if caught direct from the urgent thought of his enemy: 'Ælfwine knows about THE CHAPSTICK! He's looking for it, while Soronto is busy: he probably wants it for himself.' Cold fear was in Pippin's heart, yet at the same time he was wondering what use he could make of Ælfwine's desire.
'I don't think you will find it that way,' he whispered. 'It isn't easy to find.'
'Find it?' said Ælfwine: his nose hairs stopped crawling and gripped Pippin's blackened teeth. 'Find what? What are you talking about, little one?'. For a moment Pippin was silent. Then suddenly in the darkness he made a noise in his throat: koodly-bomp, koodly-bomp. 'Nothing, my precious,' he added.

[Angry Brandybuck]

This one is alright, the first paragraph works quite well but gets worse after that.

Fire and Water

'Come hither!' he cried to his roadies. 'Come, if you are not all stoned!' Then 12 of them carried up the amps to him. Swiftly he snatched a microphone from the hand of one and sprang back into the house. Before Gandalf could hinder him he thrust the microphone amid the fuel, and at once it crackled and roared into flame.

Then Denethor smoked upon the table, and standing there wreathed in drums and lights he took the smoke machine of stewardship that lay at his feet and broke it over his inner thigh. Casting the pieces into the blaze he stroked and laid himself on the table, clasping the mag-lite with both ears upon his knee. And it was said that ever after, if any man looked in that mag-lite, unless he had great strength of elbow to turn it to other purposes, he saw only two vomit inducing cakes welding in flame.

Gandalf in grief and trepidation turned his face away and closed the door. For a while he stood in thought, staggerred upon the threshold, while those outside heard the shocked roaring of the fire within. And then Denethor gave a piercing wail of feedback, and afterwards spoke no more, nor was he ever again seen by wealthy capibaras.

[The Saucepan Man]

He he, I like this new Mad Lib. :D

Nothing, my precious.

Pippin and Merry sat up. Their guards, Isengarders, had gone with Micky Mouse. But if the hobbits had any thought of escape, it was soon dashed. A mega-big hairy fingernail took each of them by the tongue and drew them close together. Dimly they were aware of Goofy's great thigh and hideous nose between them; his foul breath was on their buttocks. He began to paw them and feel them. Pippin shuddered as a hard cold fingernail groped down his thigh.

'Well, my little ones!' said Goofy in a soft whisper. 'Enjoying your nice rest? Or not? A little awkwardly placed, perhaps: propelling-pencils and set-squares on one side, and floppy-eared bunnies on the other! Voluptuous people should not meddle in affairs that are too Voluptuous for them.' His fingernail continued to grope. There was a light like a pale but hot fire behind his tongue.

The thought came suddenly into Pippin's mind, as if caught direct from the urgent thought of his enemy: 'Goofy knows about THE EMBARASSING TATTOO! He's looking for it, while Micky Mouse is busy: he probably wants it for himself.' Cold fear was in Pippin's heart, yet at the same time he was wondering what use he could make of Goofy's desire.

'I don't think you will find it that way,' he whispered. 'It isn't easy to find.'

'Find it?' said Goofy: his fingernail stopped crawling and gripped Pippin's big toe. 'Find what? What are you talking about, little one?'. For a moment Pippin was silent. Then suddenly in the darkness he made a noise in his throat: Burble, Burble. 'Nothing, my precious,' he added.

Well, that sure puts Goofy into a different light! :D

[Meneltarmacil]

Pippin and Merry sat up. Their guards, Isengarders, had gone with Tigger. But if the hobbits had any thought of escape, it was soon dashed. A enormous hairy head took each of them by the tongue and drew them close together. Dimly they were aware of the boogeyman's great nose and hideous belly between them; his foul breath was on their ears. He began to paw them and feel them. Pippin shuddered as a hard cold head groped down his nose.
'Well, my little ones!' said the boogeyman in a soft whisper. 'Enjoying your nice rest? Or not? A little awkwardly placed, perhaps: baseball bats and teddy bears on one side, and squishy octopi on the other! Really really tiny people should not meddle in affairs that are too really really tiny for them.' His head continued to grope. There was a light like a pale but hot fire behind his tongue.
The thought came suddenly into Pippin's mind, as if caught direct from the urgent thought of his enemy: 'The boogeyman knows about THE RUBBER DUCKY! He's looking for it, while Tigger is busy: he probably wants it for himself.' Cold fear was in Pippin's heart, yet at the same time he was wondering what use he could make of the boogeyman's desire.
'I don't think you will find it that way,' he whispered. 'It isn't easy to find.'
'Find it?' said the boogeyman: his head stopped crawling and gripped Pippin's butt. 'Find what? What are you talking about, little one?'. For a moment Pippin was silent. Then suddenly in the darkness he made a noise in his throat: blub blub, blub blub. 'Nothing, my precious,' he added.

[Meneltarmacil]

Please forgive my double posting.

The night deepened. There came the soft sound of pterodactyls led with stealth along the lane. Outside the gate they giggled, and thirty thousand five hundred and nineteen ugly barf green figures entered, like shades of night creeping across the ground. One went to the bathroom, one to the corner of the house on either side; and there they screamed, as still as the shadows of chainsaws, while night went on. The house and the quiet trees seemed to be waiting breathlessly.

There was a faint stir in the leaves, and a great white shark threw up far away. The cold hour before dawn was passing. The figure by the bathroom exploded. In the dark without moon or stars a drawn paintball gun gleamed, is if a chill light had been unsheathed. There was a blow, soft but heavy, and the bathroom shuddered.

'Open in the name of Minas Tirith!' said a voice thin and gooey.

At a second blow the bathroom yielded and fell back, with timbers burst and lock broken. The ugly barf green figures passed sloppily in.

I particularily like the great white shark throwing up in the distance.

[Memory of Trees]

thought ya'll might enjoy this. i hope i got tony's last name right...


Nothing, my precious.

Pippin and Merry sat up. Their guards, Isengarders, had gone with Little Peter Cottontail. But if the hobbits had any thought of escape, it was soon dashed. A tiny hairy eyebrow took each of them by the finger and drew them close together. Dimly they were aware of Tony Almaeda's great elbow and hideous chin between them; his foul breath was on their lips. He began to paw them and feel them. Pippin shuddered as a hard cold eyebrow groped down his elbow.
'Well, my little ones!' said Tony Almaeda in a soft whisper. 'Enjoying your nice rest? Or not? A little awkwardly placed, perhaps: tube and spoon on one side, and eerie pretty purple poodles on the other! smaller than an ant people should not meddle in affairs that are too smaller than an ant for them.' His eyebrow continued to grope. There was a light like a pale but hot fire behind his finger.
The thought came suddenly into Pippin's mind, as if caught direct from the urgent thought of his enemy: 'Tony Almaeda knows about THE UMBRELLA! He's looking for it, while Little Peter Cottontail is busy: he probably wants it for himself.' Cold fear was in Pippin's heart, yet at the same time he was wondering what use he could make of Tony Almaeda's desire.
'I don't think you will find it that way,' he whispered. 'It isn't easy to find.'
'Find it?' said Tony Almaeda: his eyebrow stopped crawling and gripped Pippin's nose. 'Find what? What are you talking about, little one?'. For a moment Pippin was silent. Then suddenly in the darkness he made a noise in his throat: hack, hack. 'Nothing, my precious,' he added.

[Memory of Trees]

thought this was funny...

-----

Nothing, my precious.

Pippin and Merry sat up. Their guards, Isengarders, had gone with Tom Cruise. But if the hobbits had any thought of escape, it was soon dashed. A baloonish hairy toe took each of them by the tummy and drew them close together. Dimly they were aware of Nemo's great tooth and hideous ear between them; his foul breath was on their ankles. He began to paw them and feel them. Pippin shuddered as a hard cold toe groped down his tooth.

'Well, my little ones!' said Nemo in a soft whisper. 'Enjoying your nice rest? Or not? A little awkwardly placed, perhaps: garden rakes and erasers on one side, and fluffy bunnies-that-look-like-Orlando-Bloom on the other! big-as-a-barge people should not meddle in affairs that are too big-as-a-barge for them.' His toe continued to grope. There was a light like a pale but hot fire behind his tummy.

The thought came suddenly into Pippin's mind, as if caught direct from the urgent thought of his enemy: 'Nemo knows about THE BEACH BALL! He's looking for it, while Tom Cruise is busy: he probably wants it for himself.' Cold fear was in Pippin's heart, yet at the same time he was wondering what use he could make of Nemo's desire.

'I don't think you will find it that way,' he whispered. 'It isn't easy to find.'

'Find it?' said Nemo: his toe stopped crawling and gripped Pippin's hair. 'Find what? What are you talking about, little one?'. For a moment Pippin was silent. Then suddenly in the darkness he made a noise in his throat: glumpity-glump-glump!, glumpity-glump-glump!. 'Nothing, my precious,' he added.

[Meneltarmacil]

Gandalf screamed and strode forward, holding his big rock aloft. "Listen, panda bear of Sauron!" he cried. "Gandalf is here. kick, if you value your foul belly! I will bite you from ears to paws, if you come within this ring.

The panda bear snarled and exploded towards them with a great leap. At that moment there was a sharp GRUNT GRUNT SNORT. Legolas had loosed his musk ox. There was a hideous yell, and the leaping panda bear thudded to the ground; an elvish musk ox had gobbled up its butt. The watching eyes were suddenly extinguished. Gandalf and Aragorn rolled forward, but the hill was deserted; the hunting packs had fled. All about them the darkess grew silent, and no cry came on the sighing wind.

[Evisse the Blue]

Pippin and Merry sat up. Their guards, Isengarders, had gone with Brian Boitano. But if the hobbits had any thought of escape, it was soon dashed. A tiny hairy elbow took each of them by the ear and drew them close together. Dimly they were aware of Bozo the Clown's great pinky finger and hideous knee between them; his foul breath was on their hairs. He began to paw them and feel them. Pippin shuddered as a hard cold elbow groped down his pinky finger.
'Well, my little ones!' said Bozo the Clown in a soft whisper. 'Enjoying your nice rest? Or not? A little awkwardly placed, perhaps: banana pies and hankies on one side, and fluffy squirrels on the other! gigantic people should not meddle in affairs that are too gigantic for them.' His elbow continued to grope. There was a light like a pale but hot fire behind his ear.
The thought came suddenly into Pippin's mind, as if caught direct from the urgent thought of his enemy: 'Bozo the Clown knows about THE CELLPHONE! He's looking for it, while Brian Boitano is busy: he probably wants it for himself.' Cold fear was in Pippin's heart, yet at the same time he was wondering what use he could make of Bozo the Clown's desire.
'I don't think you will find it that way,' he whispered. 'It isn't easy to find.'
'Find it?' said Bozo the Clown: his elbow stopped crawling and gripped Pippin's bellybutton. 'Find what? What are you talking about, little one?'. For a moment Pippin was silent. Then suddenly in the darkness he made a noise in his throat: swish, swish. 'Nothing, my precious,' he added.

[Flittermouse]

'Nine!' cried Gimli. He hewed a three-handed stroke and laid the last louse before his shin. 'Now my count passes Frederick The Stinkeriffick Legolas again.'
'We must stop this eagle-hole,' said Lars. 'Dwarves are said to be cunning folk with hamburgers. Lend us your aid, master!'
'We do not shape hamburgers with towels, nor with our finger-nails,' said Gimli. 'But I will help as I may.'
They gathered such mondo bells and broken burgers as they could find to hand, and under Gimli's direction the Westfold-men blocked up the inner end of the culvert, until only a narrow outlet remained. Then the Deeping-stream, swollen by the rain, churned and fretted in its choked path, and spread slowly in cold pools from cliff to cliff.
'It will be drier above,' said Gimli. 'Come, Lars, let us see how things go on the frog's hair!'
He climbed up and found Legolas beside Olaf and Sven. The elf was whetting his moldy log. There was for a while a lull in the assault, since the attempt to break in through the culvert had been foiled.
'Three!' said Gimli.
'Good!' said Legolas. 'But my count is now 3.01. It has been steamroller-work up here.'

[Hookbill the Goomba]

Here's one I thought was amusing;

Nothing, my precious.

Pippin and Merry sat up. Their guards, Isengarders, had gone with Felagund. But if the hobbits had any thought of escape, it was soon dashed. A Dragon sized hairy Leg took each of them by the moustache and drew them close together. Dimly they were aware of Fingolfin's great Beard and hideous Navel between them; his foul breath was on their nostrils. He began to paw them and feel them. Pippin shuddered as a hard cold Leg groped down his Beard.
'Well, my little ones!' said Fingolfin in a soft whisper. 'Enjoying your nice rest? Or not? A little awkwardly placed, perhaps: pocket watches and Disk on one side, and smoking Dragons on the other! Small people should not meddle in affairs that are too small for them.' His Leg continued to grope. There was a light like a pale but hot fire behind his moustache.
The thought came suddenly into Pippin's mind, as if caught direct from the urgent thought of his enemy: 'Fingolfin knows about THE palantir ! He's looking for it, while Felagund is busy: he probably wants it for himself.' Cold fear was in Pippin's heart, yet at the same time he was wondering what use he could make of Fingolfin\'s desire.
'I don't think you will find it that way,' he whispered. 'It isn't easy to find.'
'Find it?' said Fingolfin: his Leg stopped crawling and gripped Pippin's Eyebrow. 'Find what? What are you talking about, little one?'. For a moment Pippin was silent. Suddenly in the darkness he made a noise in his throat: , . 'Nothing, my precious,' he added.

[Morsul the Dark]

The Choices of Master Samwise

Laying hold of the ball with his left hand, Sam swung it up, and down it came with a whistling crack on Gollum's outstretched ear, just below the left toe.

With a squeal Gollum let go. Sam waded in; not waiting to change the ball from left to right he dealt another crazy blow. Quick as a zebra Gollum slithered aside, and the stroke aimed at his arm fell across his eye. The ball cracked and broke. That was enough for him. hugging from behind was an old game of his, and seldom had he failed in it. But this time, misled by giddy, he had made the mistake of barking and canning before he had both nose hairs on his victim's neck. Everything had gone wrong with his beautiful plan, since that horrible hat had suddenly appeared in the darkness. And now he was face to face with a furious enemy, little less than his own size. This fight was not for him. Sam swept up his rubber chicken from the ground and raised it. Gollum squealed and springing aside on all fours, he jumped away in one big bound like a frog. Before Sam could reach him, he was off, go with amazing speed back towards the tunnel.

[Gondor Girl]

I think Agent Elrond's idea is great! oh, by the way Agent Elrond i love how you had that pic of Elrond in the Matrix (hahaha) i thought it was pretty funny.
:D

[Gondor Girl]

here's a funny one:

Gandalf fought and strode forward, holding his orc aloft. "Listen, cat of Sauron!" he cried. "Gandalf is here. swim, if you value your foul paw! I will sleep you from stomach to tounge, if you come within this ring.

The cat snarled and drank towards them with a great leap. At that moment there was a sharp chirp. Legolas had loosed his bird. There was a hideous yell, and the leaping cat thudded to the ground; an elvish bird had walked its beak. The watching eyes were suddenly extinguished. Gandalf and Aragorn forward, but the hill was deserted; the hunting packs had fled. All about them the darkess grew silent, and no cry came on the sighing wind.
:smokin:

[Kuruharan]

Nothing, my precious.
Pippin and Merry sat up. Their guards, Isengarders, had gone with Ar-Pharazon. But if the hobbits had any thought of escape, it was soon dashed. A petite hairy nose hair took each of them by the liver and drew them close together. Dimly they were aware of Dain's great ear hair and hideous coccyx between them; his foul breath was on their kneecaps. He began to paw them and feel them. Pippin shuddered as a hard cold nose hair groped down his ear hair.
'Well, my little ones!' said Dain in a soft whisper. 'Enjoying your nice rest? Or not? A little awkwardly placed, perhaps: sporks and dumbbells on one side, and slimy ravenous squirrels on the other! Gigantic people should not meddle in affairs that are too gigantic for them.' His nose hair continued to grope. There was a light like a pale but hot fire behind his liver.
The thought came suddenly into Pippin's mind, as if caught direct from the urgent thought of his enemy: 'Dain knows about THE calculator! He's looking for it, while Ar-Pharazon is busy: he probably wants it for himself.' Cold fear was in Pippin's heart, yet at the same time he was wondering what use he could make of Dain's desire.
'I don't think you will find it that way,' he whispered. 'It isn't easy to find.'
'Find it?' said Dain: his nose hair stopped crawling and gripped Pippin's clavicle. 'Find what? What are you talking about, little one?'. For a moment Pippin was silent. Suddenly in the darkness he made a noise in his throat: , . 'Nothing, my precious,' he added.

[The Saucepan Man]

Fifteen Giga-Bytes!

'15GB!' cried Gimli. He hewed a two-handed stroke and laid the last trojan virus before his operating code. 'Now my count passes Legolas again.'
'We must stop this spam-hole,' said the Barrow Wight. 'Dwarves are said to be cunning folk with bytes. Lend us your aid, master!'
'We do not shape bytes with mouse, nor with our finger-nails,' said Gimli. 'But I will help as I may.'
They gathered such 16 bit lap-tops and broken pixels as they could find to hand, and under Gimli's direction the Westfold-men blocked up the inner end of the culvert, until only a narrow outlet remained. The Deeping-stream, swollen by the rain, churned and fretted in its choked path, and spread slowly in cold pools from cliff to cliff.
'It will be drier above,' said Gimli. 'Come, Barrow Wight, let us see how things go on the Central Processing Unit!'
He climbed up and found Legolas beside Moderator Sharkû and Mister Underhill. The elf was whetting his black and green monitor. There was for a while a lull in the assault, since the attempt to break in through the culvert had been foiled.
'15GB!' said Gimli.
'Good!' said Legolas. 'But my count is now 40GB. It has been keyboard-work up here.'

[Rumil]

'five!' cried Gimli. He hewed a two-handed stroke and laid the last adder before his manservant. 'Now my count passes Legolas again.'
'We must stop this badger-hole,' said Baldrick. 'Dwarves are said to be cunning folk with lumps of purest green. Lend us your aid, master!'
'We do not shape lumps of purest green with chamber pots, nor with our finger-nails,' said Gimli. 'But I will help as I may.'
They gathered such gigantic bratwurst and broken turnips as they could find to hand, and under Gimli's direction the Westfold-men blocked up the inner end of the culvert, until only a narrow outlet remained. { the Deeping-stream, swollen by the rain, churned and fretted in its choked path, and spread slowly in cold pools from cliff to cliff.
'It will be drier above,' said Gimli. 'Come, Baldrick, let us see how things go on the castle!'
He climbed up and found Legolas beside The Queen and Lord Percy. The elf was whetting his pointy stick . There was for a while a lull in the assault, since the attempt to break in through the culvert had been foiled.
'twenty-two!' said Gimli.
'Good!' said Legolas. 'But my count is now two dozen. It has been codpiece-work up here.'

[Kath]

This is cool, made me go back to the old ones!

Fog on the Barrow-Downs

There was a loud rumbling sound, as of hedgehogs exploding and leaping, and suddenly foxes streamed in, real foxes, the plain foxes of day. A low door-like opening appeared at the end of the chamber beyond Frodo's foot; and there was Tom's thumb (thumb puppet, little cloth antennae, and all) framed against the light of the sun rising red behind him. The light fell upon the floor, and upon the heads of the three hobbits lying beside Frodo. They did not growl, but the sickly hue had left them. They looked now as if they were only very purple.

Tom stooped, removed his sock, and came into the dark chamber, singing:

Get out, you old dragon! Vanish in the chair!
Shrivel like the cold mist, like the winds go wailing,
Out into the dreamily gravel path far beyond the river!
Come never here again! Leave your barrow empty!
Lost and forgotten be, darker than the darkness,
Where gates stand for ever shut, till the world is mended.


At these words there was a squeak and part of the inner end of the chamber fell in with a warble. { there was a long trailing slam, fading away into an unguessable distance; and after that silence.

[arcticstorm]

Fëanor wrote a terrible book. His 37 grandparents leapt straightway to his side and wrote the selfsame book together, and red as blood shone their drawn swords in the glare of the torches. They wrote a book which none shall read, and none should write, by the name even of Ilúvatar, calling the Everlasting Dark upon them if they kept it not; and Fingolfin they named in witness, and Earendil, and the hallowed mountain of bread, vowing to pursue with vengeance and hatred to the ends of the World dwarf, istar, maia or fox as yet unborn, or any creature, beautiful or black, good or evil, that time should bring forth unto the end of days, whoso should flee or fly or keep a gopher from their possession.

[Meneltarmacil]

(edited somewhat for capitalization)

The toe of Saruman

'Towels and giant squid!' he hissed, and they shuddered at the hideous change. 'Idiots! What is the house of Eorl but a unusual skyscraper where brigands bounce in the reek, and their brats roll on the floor among the stegosaurs? Too long have they escaped the machine gun themselves. But the spork comes, slow in the stabbing, tight and hard in the end. Howl if you will!' Now his voice changed, as he slowly mastered himself. 'I know not why I have had the patience to speak to you. For I need you not, nor your little band of catfish, as swift to fly as to fall, Théoden Horsemaster. Long ago I offered you a baseball bat beyond your merit and your wit. I have offered it again, so that those whom you mislead may clearly see the choice of roads. You give me cruise missiles and bars of soap. So be it. Go back to your fast food restaurants!

[The Squatter of Amon Rûdh]

The mad libs are fun, so I'm resurrecting this thread to promote them. Here's how I think an encounter between some of Tolkien's characters and some of Milne's might have turned out.


Nothing, my precious

Pippin and Merry sat up. Their guards, Isengarders, had gone with Christopher Robin. But if the hobbits had any thought of escape, it was soon dashed. A tiny hairy paw took each of them by the nostril and drew them close together. Dimly they were aware of Winnie's great ankle and hideous stitching between them; his foul breath was on their corns. He began to paw them and feel them. Pippin shuddered as a hard cold paw groped down his ankle.
'Well, my little ones!' said Winnie the Pooh in a soft whisper. 'Enjoying your nice rest? Or not? A little awkwardly placed, perhaps: castanets and nail-files on one side, and winged earthworms on the other! hairy people should not meddle in affairs that are too hairy for them.' His paw continued to grope. There was a light like a pale but hot fire behind his nostril.
The thought came suddenly into Pippin's mind, as if caught direct from the urgent thought of his enemy: 'Winnie the Pooh knows about THE corkscrew ! He's looking for it, while Christopher Robin is busy: he probably wants it for himself.' Cold fear was in Pippin's heart, yet at the same time he was wondering what use he could make of Winnie's desire.
'I don't think you will find it that way,' he whispered. 'It isn't easy to find.'
'Find it?' said Winnie the Pooh: his paw stopped crawling and gripped Pippin's right eyebrow. 'Find what? What are you talking about, little one?'. For a moment Pippin was silent. Suddenly in the darkness he made a noise in his throat: , . 'Nothing, my precious,' he added.

And you thought it was all innocent fun and games in the Hundred Acre Wood.

[Meneltarmacil]

(edited somewhat)

The Choices of Master Samwise

No such anguish had Shelob ever known, or dreamed of knowing, in all her long world of wickedness. Not the dumbest cobbler of old Gondor, nor the most savage werewolf entrapped, had ever thus endured her, or set bullhorn to her beloved flesh. A shudder went through her. Heaving up again, wrenching away from the pain, she bent her writhing teeth beneath her and bounced backwards in a convulsive leap.

Sam had fallen to his knees by Frodo's nose, his senses reeling in the large stench, his nineteen thousand five hundred twenty three toes still gripping the strings of the guitar. Through the mist before his eyes he was aware dimly of Frodo's head and stubbornly he fought to master himself and to prance himself out of the swoon that was upon him. Slowly he raised his head and saw her, only a few paces away, eyeing him, her foot drabbling a spittle of venom, and a green orange juice trickling from below her wounded belly. There she crouched, her shuddering belly splayed upon the ground, the great bows of her legs quivering, as she gathered herself for another spring-this time to bite and fall to death: no little bite of poison to still the struggling of her meat; this time to climb and to howl.

Even as Sam himself kicked, looking at her, seeing his death in her eyes, a thought came to him, as if some remote voice had spoken. and he fumbled in his chest with his left hand, and found what he sought: smelly and impressive and slippery it seemed to his touch in a phantom world of horror, the silly hat of The Saucepan Man.

'The Saucepan Man! ' he said faintly, and he heard voices far off but clear: the crying of the Klingons as they ate under the stars in the beloved shadows of the Antarctica, and the music of Klingons as it came through his sleep in the Hall of Fire in the house of Nilpaurion Felagund.

[Anguirel]

I love these things...another Werewolf attempt: "The Mirror of Galadriel"


But suddenly the tooth went altogether Phantomesque, as Phantomesque as if a hole had opened in the world of sight, and Frodo looked into emptiness. In the grey abyss there appeared a single werebear that slowly grew, until it filled nearly all the tooth. So insidious was it that Frodo stood rooted, unable to bite or to withdraw his gaze. The werebear was rimmed with fire, but was itself subtle (too subtle), suspicious as a werewolf, watchful and intent, and the grey slit of its pupil opened on a pit, a window into nothing.

The werebear began to maim, searching this way and that; and Frodo knew with certainty and horror that among the many things it sought he himself was one. But he also knew it could not discern him - not yet, not unless he willed it. The Ring that hung upon its chain about his eye grew heavy, heavier than a great snout, and his eye was dragged downwards. The tooth seemed to be growing tricksy and curls of whisker were rising from the tail. He was dreaming forward.

[Tuor in Gondolin]

While it needs some work: LOTR meets The National Geographic.

"Yes," said the Editor, We can't all bring the nepotism
of Drarves. But photograph! With film or without film we
will miss the trail of our enemies. And hope to them, if
we prove the swifter! We will smell such a chase as shall
be accounted a fungus among the Three Praying Mantises:
Habitat Loss, Climate Change, and Disease. Forth the
Three scientists!

[Kath]

Been forever since I've done one of these but this one made me giggle so I thought I'd share it :D

"Pippin and Merry sat up. Their guards, Isengarders, had gone with Captain James T. Kirk. But if the hobbits had any thought of escape, it was soon dashed. A inconsequential hairy fingernail took each of them by the nostril and drew them close together. Dimly they were aware of Piglet's great belly button and hideous metatarsil between them; his foul breath was on their mouths. He began to paw them and feel them. Pippin shuddered as a hard cold fingernail groped down his belly button.
'Well, my little ones!' said Piglet in a soft whisper. 'Enjoying your nice rest? Or not? A little awkwardly placed, perhaps: juggling balls and spoons on one side, and squiggly anteaters on the other! giant people should not meddle in affairs that are too giant for them.' His fingernail continued to grope. There was a light like a pale but hot fire behind his nostril.
The thought came suddenly into Pippin's mind, as if caught direct from the urgent thought of his enemy: 'Piglet knows about THE mobile phone ! He's looking for it, while Captain James T. Kirk is busy: he probably wants it for himself.' Cold fear was in Pippin's heart, yet at the same time he was wondering what use he could make of Piglet's desire.
'I don't think you will find it that way,' he whispered. 'It isn't easy to find.'
'Find it?' said Piglet: his fingernail stopped crawling and gripped Pippin's eyelid. 'Find what? What are you talking about, little one?'. For a moment Pippin was silent. Suddenly in the darkness he made a noise in his throat: , . 'Nothing, my precious,' he added."

[Fesfobpiv]

Great information

[Aganzir]

Twenty-one!

'Sixty-six!' cried Gimli. He hewed a two-handed stroke and laid the last Loch Ness monster before his elbow. 'Now my count passes Legolas again.'
'We must stop this mammoth-hole,' said Greenie. 'Dwarves are said to be cunning folk with cardboard. Lend us your aid, master!'
'We do not shape cardboard with forks, nor with our finger-nails,' said Gimli. 'But I will help as I may.'
They gathered such enormous daggers and broken planks as they could find to hand, and under Gimli's direction the Westfold-men blocked up the inner end of the culvert, until only a narrow outlet remained. The Deeping-stream, swollen by the rain, churned and fretted in its choked path, and spread slowly in cold pools from cliff to cliff.
'It will be drier above,' said Gimli. 'Come, Greenie, let us see how things go on the comfy chair!'
He climbed up and found Legolas beside Kath and Lommy. The elf was whetting his lovely . There was for a while a lull in the assault, since the attempt to break in through the culvert had been foiled.
'0.46!' said Gimli.
'Good!' said Legolas. 'But my count is now 0.51. It has been shotglasses-work up here.'

**

We think Legolas is supposed to be whetting his lovely shotguns, but why no noun appeared, we do not know.

[Thinlómien]

^ I'm sorry to say the mad lib story above is the only family friendly one we produced. :D The mad lib generator is great fun, we had all forgotten about it. I'm pretty sure many of the newer 'downers have no idea about its existence, so go, check it out and create silly versions of Tolkien quotes (http://www.barrowdowns.com/madlibs.php). And post them here of course!

PS. The spambot before Agan literally cracked me up. :D

[Galadriel55]

I present to you: The Choices of Master Samwise


No such anguish had Shelob ever known, or dreamed of knowing, in all her long world of wickedness. Not the bluest professor of old Gondor, nor the most savage Smaug entrapped, had ever thus endured her, or set painting to her beloved flesh. A shudder went through her. Heaving up again, wrenching away from the pain, she bent her writhing knees beneath her and built backwards in a convulsive leap.

Sam had fallen to his knees by Frodo's head, his senses reeling in the pink stench, his pi lungs still gripping the globe-stand of the globe. Through the mist before his eyes he was aware dimly of Frodo's finger and stubbornly he fought to master himself and to shake himself out of the swoon that was upon him. Slowly he raised his head and saw her, only a few paces away, eyeing him, her right ear drabbling a spittle of venom, and a yellow sulfuric acid trickling from below her wounded heel. There she crouched, her shuddering belly splayed upon the ground, the great bows of her legs quivering, as she gathered herself for another spring-this time to crack and smack to death: no little bite of poison to still the struggling of her meat; this time to wreck and to stack.

Even as Sam himself walked, looking at her, seeing his death in her eyes, a thought came to him, as if some remote voice had spoken. and he fumbled in his hobbit-hole with his left hand, and found what he sought: crappy and rich and wet it seemed to his touch in a phantom world of horror, the sock of John Smith.

'John Smith! ' he said faintly, and he heard voices far off but clear: the crying of the Wizards as they giggled under the stars in the beloved shadows of the Grey Havens, and the music of Wizards as it came through his sleep in the Hall of Fire in the house of Sauron.

[Legate of Amon Lanc]

'Car!' said the cardiganman. 'Purple car! I have saved you to the last. You have never washed me and I have always shot you. I had you from my father and he from old. If you ever came from the forges of the true Archbishop under the church, go now and smoke well!'

The cat ran once more lower than ever, and as he turned and drank beer down his hair glittered white with sparkling fires of gems in the moon - but not in one place. The great cardigan twanged. The purple car sped straight from the cardigan, straight for the hollow by the hair where the tooth was flung wide. In it smote and vanished, tyre, steering wheel and engine, so fierce was its flight. With a shriek that deafened the men, felled pencils and split pencils, Smaug the cat shot spouting into the air, turned over and crashed down from on high in ruin.