Limerick, anyone?

[Meron]

<font face="Verdana"><table><TR><TD><FONT SIZE="1" face="Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif">Pile o' Bones
Posts: 13</TD><TD></TD></TR></TABLE>
Loved the &quot;Puns&quot; thread so much, I think it's time for more humor. How about limericks (collective groan?)

The maiden, Eowyn the fair
Donned her armor and tucked up her hair.
Told the Witch-King, &quot;You're slick,
but, you fool, I'm a chick!
If you think I won't slay you,
Au contraire!&quot;

The hobbit had to have a &quot;lookit&quot;
the stone thrown by Grima the crooked.
While the old wizard slept,
up beside him he crept,
And then our poor Peregrin Took (pun intended) it!

</p>

[Samwise_Gamgee]

There once was a hobbit named Sam
And he was rather fond of ham
One day he set out
With Frodo no doubt
Cause he was bonked on the head with a staff!

smilies/rolleyes.gif I know I know smilies/rolleyes.gif

[hobbitlass]

There is a land called the Shire
it housed a burgler for hire
he went on his way
with dwarves oh so gay
and a wizard who played with fire

(not homosexual!)

[ October 07, 2002: Message edited by: hobbitlass ]

[ October 07, 2002: Message edited by: hobbitlass ]

[Losthuniel]

here's one NOT WRITTEN BY ME. I will find the author and post so that you may all compliment him/her

There once was a dragon named Smaug
who flew and got lost in the fog
a black arrow hit him,
and so he was smitten
and down he fell dead like a log!

[gralin musicteeth]

There once was a dwarf dude named Gimli,
who climbed up and got stuck in a chimni.
i'd continue this rhyme,
some other time,
if i could find another word that rhymes with Gimli.
i know. *groan*

[Precioussss]

man this is sad.
the elf who's name is Legolas,
he had very hairy jaws.
he got a shave
from a guy named dave
umm...
someone think up a last line?

[Diamond18]

And now he's got lots of fangirls? smilies/rolleyes.gif

[hobbitlass]

*last line*

Now what do we do with his other flaws?

[TolkienGurl]

There once was a burglar hobbit
Who told all the hungry dwarves "Stop it!
I can't go on this quest,
You are unwelcome guests,
Let me live my life in peace and quiet!"

* * * * * *

The Ringwraiths are creatures of Fear
They come from a land, oh so drear.
Their Message brings Doom
To the Ringbearer. - soon
Will come Darkness and War far and near.

* * * * * *

Once lived Gandalf the Grey
Who fell into Darkness, they say
He battled and fought
Yielded at naught
Held the Forces of Darkness at bay.

* * * * * *

He was an excellent "magician"
Whom the Hobbits held in suspicion.
But the marvelous display
Of the fireworks that Day,
Beat their petty complaints into submission (huh?).

[ October 18, 2002: Message edited by: TolkienGurl ]

[LePetitChoux]

There was once a horsey named Brego
Who was doomed to carrying Viggo
And even if
he [Viggo] got thrown off a cliff
He would save him and become a hero and his head would get very biggo!

[Oddwen]

Yay! Somewhere to put these!


There once was a hobbit named Fro
Who on a great quest had to go
He took his friend Pip
Who was very hip
And saved the said quest just like so.

_____________________________

There once was a hobbit named Pip
Who when Frodo gave him the slip
He got captured when
Merry messed up again
and ended up taking a trip.

_____________________________

My brother (Sam!) suggested this-
There once was a hobbit named Sam
who was enamoured of pans
He hit orcs again
and again and again
Until Steve Irwin said 'danger dan....'

Yeh, stupid I know...just think if Sean Bean had been replaced...(Oh crikey, they have a cave troll!)

____________________________

There once was a ranger named Strider
Who was deathly afraid of black riders
So he ran and he ran
til in Imladris again
and and ate until he was wider.

____________________________

There once was a fellow named Merry
Who wished he could be called Larry
So he wished and he wished
'til he became a fish
and then everyone called him Harry.

_____________________________

There once was a guy name of Maedhros
Who once thought he saw a ghost
so he ran and he ran
until he lost a hand
and then everyone said "eew gross!"
_____________________________
Anyone else?

[the guy who be short]

im making this up as i go along, i know itll be lame.

frodo was a hobbit
his hair was home to a small nit
so he washed not his hair
til it stopped being fair
and people yelled at him: "wash it!!"

[Oddwen]

That's good, Guy! Just the first line doesn't have enough syllables.

"Frodo was a filthy hobbit"

Maybe? smilies/smile.gif

[The Ruling Ring]

There is a Lady of Lothlórien
Who many thought could bewitch men
Frodo offered her the Ring
She denied the dark thing
And went of into the West, in the end

[the guy who be short]

Gil galad was an elven guy
From him the bakers made a pie
Adorning it with niphredil
They left it on the windowsill
(This limerick's a lie)

wow, im good at making stuff up! And you cant say im not, you just know both of mne have been excellent smilies/tongue.gif

[Katherine712]

Once lived a Pony named Bill
who decided "I've had my fill!
Even though I am brave,
they left me outside this cave:
Now my journey seems clearly uphill."

[the guy who be short]

There once was a guy named aragorn
On the first of march born
in the year 2931
Arathorn's son
'Twas a most merry morn!

[Finwe]

There was a spider named Lobbie,
Who always ate Orcs as a hobby,
A Hobbit she tried,
And so nearly died,
She went to her cave all sobby.

(Yes I know, it's horrible. But it's just my first one.)

[the guy who be short]

ok, this one is meant to be crap, ok? ll, im making it at terrible as possible.

gimli, son of gloin
who was son of groin
was very short
lived in a port
a descendent of king oin!

haha! thats gotta be the most terrible yet!

[Galadriel9]

cool...these are fun! I liked the one about "Fro" I'm going to have a go now....so, if you have any respect or reverence for the English language, stop reading now!!

There once was a massive great tower,
Whose shadow made many men cower,
On top was an eye,
That made many die,
Still Sauron desired more power

Along came a ring-bearer guy,
Who thought he'd give Mordor a try,
He destroyed the ring
Aragorn became king,
And that was the end of the Eye.

And that was ...rather rubbish!! smilies/smile.gif

[LePetitChoux]

There was once a being called Tom
Who lived in a wood all alone
'Til he got married
And then he tarried
In the wood, but no longer alone

Um. Yes. The art of me clearly does not improve with age. smilies/confused.gif

[Kates Frodo Temp]

Thanks to my good friend and Pippin fan for this one.

A young hobbit was very robust,
And he into his clothes fitted just.
He did stick in his chair,
He did fall off his mare,
So the vittles and ale leave he must.
smilies/rolleyes.gif

[Aragost]

Elves sailed on the Isle of Balar.
To get to the home of the Valar.
Feanor lost his Silmarills.
So he left to make a few kills.
Balrogs gave him a great scar.

[The Squatter of Amon Rûdh]

All business-hobbits, beware!
When choosing your backers, take care!
Young Lotho chose badly,
And so, rather sadly,
He's been served up medium rare.

[Thenamir]

At the end of a journey hum-dinger
By the Crack of Doom Frodo did linger
His digit was maimed
That's where Sam got the name
For His new steak house chain: "Ring and Finger!"

[ July 11, 2003: Message edited by: Thenamir ]

[the guy who be short]

Lord Aragorn the Second
By Elrond was beckoned
He said "You're Isildurs heir,
You look foul and feel fair"
'And you smell', he said not but reckoned.

[TaliesinWest]

Once there was an artist, Feanor of name.
Nothing there was that could quench his inner flame.
He made three Silmarils in days long before,
Giving us Tolkienists an abundance of lore.
Now we have the Silm to impress those that call Tolkien lame!

[Daisy Brambleburr]

There once was a hobbit named Pip,
some said he should get a grip.
He threw a stone down a well,
said the Balrog, 'Oh hell!,
that hobbit's no more than a drip!'

That was pretty bad. What's worse, it took me ages to write! Poor limerickaly-challenged old me.

[Daisy Brambleburr]

I just thought of another!

Two hobbits, both portly and male,
met a tree of a rather great scale.
said 'come drinking with me!'
'tis tasty,' said he.
They could never pass up a free ale!

These hobbits, they grew (just a bit),
more than Treebeard would admit.
Their hair curled and grew,
they bought new shampoo,
but could never find hats that would fit!

(Okay, that effort was slightly better).

[Orominuialwen]

Here's one- it's rather stupid though.

There once was a hobbit from Bree
Who wanted to sit in a tree
So he sat for a bit
'Til he said "I will sit
Not a moment much longer, not me!"

I'm not too good at limericks!

Edit:Happy 75th post to me!

[ October 05, 2003: Message edited by: Orominuialwen ]

[the guy who be short]

The Tolkienites shall arise in strength
For their love, they go to any length
Beware! You who stand in our way!
Flee now! While you yet may!
It begins on the tenth...

Hmmm... that made no sense!

[the guy who be short]

There once was an elf called Arwen
Whose mother was Celebrian
And Was ambushed by orcs
Skewered on their forks
Destroying Arwen mentally so she wants to marry men!

[Vladivos the Rider]

There once was an orc name of Grishnakh,
Who lived in an underground shack,
He liked eating raw meat,
But he never was neat,
And it showed when he stabbed people's back(s)
Sorry t'was so gruesome
smilies/frown.gif I'm not very good at the whole optimistic thing.....

There once was a hobbit named Merry,
Who had a great fondness for sherry,
He wouldn't touch beer,
'Cept for one time one year,
When the sherry casks fell off the ferry.

*reads over*
*puts head in hands, groaning theatrically for enhanced dramatic emphasis* smilies/rolleyes.gif

[The Barrow-Wight]

Limericks typically have an anapestic meter, and some of the recent ones here don't. I know this is Middle-earth mirth,and we like to have fun, but considering this is a limericks topic, everyone should post only limericks.

Moral of the story: Make sure your posts here really are or strongly resemble limericks.

Thank you.

P.S. Since this is a limerick topic, I'd better include one.

Some dwarves and a hobbit together
Set out into inclement weather
To be caught on the Porch
And escape from the torch
But become 15 birds of a feather.

[ October 07, 2003: Message edited by: The Barrow-Wight ]

[Galadrie1]

Said Bilbo "I don't really know
"'Bout these dwarves. They really must go."
But they captured his heart
With their musical art.
So now Bilbo's stuck in their tow.

Heh, that was really bad. A lot of the other limericks in this thread are really awesome, though! Keep up the good work everyone, I'm enjoying them a lot!

[Oddwen]

Hey Vlad, remember that limerick rant we had on allscifi a while ago? I think I still have yours somewhere, would you like me to put them up for you?

There once was a hasty Ent
Who came from a different Bent
But when he saw a dead rowan,
temper fits he'd be throwin'
Until nerves around him would be Rent

[Vladivos the Rider]

I think I remember that, Oddwen. Hmm...depends whether or not they were good limericks.... smilies/biggrin.gif

There once was an Ent in Fangorn,
Who was growing extremely forlorn,
For the trees were all dead,
And the plants poison-ed,
And ignoring it all - Aragorn.
smilies/wink.gif

[The Squatter of Amon Rûdh]

Who cares for the famous One Ring?
To blow them at home is the thing!
'Tis better than power
Or the loftiest tower
To sit setting smoke on the wing.

[Arothir]

There once was a dwarf-king named Thrain
Who knew there was treasure to gain
To find it he went
but his days are now spent
in a prison where he is insane

[Thorongil]

Out of the North came a man
To fight against the Dark Lord's plan
His name was Thorongil
Many creatures did he kill
He did deeds that not many men can
smilies/smile.gif

[Iris Alantiel]

First of all, I just want to applaud everyone who's posted their limericks here. Some of these are very well done. smilies/biggrin.gif

Here are my contributions:

-----
'Tis a hobbit I wish I could be,
And I'd live in the Shire, next to thee,
In our own hobbit hole:
By the river we'd stroll,
And dance 'neath the old Party Tree.
-----
There once was a ring, forged in flame,
That only the Dark Lord could tame;
If it calls, turn away,
And fight not to obey,
Though its evil beseeches your name.

[Nilpaurion Felagund]

Wow! A limericks thread!

The story: I was watching "Matrix Revolution," eagerly anticipating the RotK trailer(which I've memorised, thanks to Finwe... smilies/wink.gif smilies/biggrin.gif ) Well, lo and behold! due to the machination of immachined(what?) country, they didn't show it...waaaaah!!!!!

There was an Elf in the theater
The trailer he tried to remember.
But he froze like a block,
for much to his shock
The movie did not show the trailer.

Now with that off my back, we can go to LotR-related limericks.

Gimli the Dwarf from Erebor,
with his best swing-swingest axe ever.
Befriended an Elf
Who so preened himself
And now where are they together?

Wow. A riddle.

<font size=1 color=339966>[ 6:34 AM December 24, 2003: Message edited by: Nilpaurion Felagund ]

[Oddwen]

There once was a Wight at the Barrows
Whose casket was terribly narrow
And so out she dug
And pulled out the rug
Underneath Fordim H. and his Sombrero


????


...I have no explanation.

Of BD'ers avatars there's a plethora
They give the poster a similar aura
But the best of the best
One far above the rest
Is Fordim's with his puggish Fedora



No, I'm not a stalker. :p

[Formendacil]

There once was a hobbit from the land of the Shire,
Whose goal was to find the chamber of fire,
Once he was there,
Standing high in the air,
His ring was stolen by a thief and a liar.

Gil-galad was a great Elven king,
Who died in Mordor a-battling,
His mother unknown,
It is clearly shown,
He left no heir or princeling.

[narfforc]

There once was a Wizard chap
Who between his ears had a gap
A terrible bore
Who made us all snore
And his fireworks were utterly crap.

By Lotho Sackville-Baggins.

Not Limericks, but a few poems.

Legolas Greenleaf asleep under tree
You had better wake up, for you need a pee
If you lie there much longer, your pants will be wet
For as old as you are, you`re not potty trained yet.


All that is good is not clever
All with a sword are not brave
If you follow that dimwit forever
You`ll end up in an early grave.

[peral]

There once was an elf who had hair
Who liked to make everybody stare
One day when he slept
Upon him someone crept
See if to sleep now he dares

[for anyone who didn't get it, his hair either got cut off or dyed a weird color]\

A fat hobbit named Sam did sing
Of many a delicious thing
But one day he tried
And oh! how he cried
A bee on his tongue did sting

Okay, I know, pretty crap. But what the hell?

[The Squatter of Amon Rûdh]

It's time to revive the limerick craze here at the Downs, so here are two that I dashed off this afternoon.

I call this one 'Advice to Innkeepers'.

When forwarding mail for the Wise,
Beware of the Enemy's spies;
And ensure that it's sent
As your customer meant
Or problems are sure to arise.

Whereas this examines the private life of Middle-earth's most famous cat-lover.

It drove Queen Berúthiel bats
That she couldn't be rid of the cats,
Which sharpened their claws
On her sandalwood doors,
And slept in her favourite hats.