Star Wars meets The Lord of The Rings

[Dark-Caranthir]

Here's a little something I found in the Tolkien Archives [www.tolkien-archives.com] , it really is quite funny... If you've seen Star Wars episode IV...

Strider: Aragorn son of Arathorn, I'm the captain of the Rangers. They tell me you're looking for passage to Rivendell.

Frodo: Yes, indeed. If you're a fast Ranger.

Strider: Fast? You've never heard of Strider?

Frodo: Should I have?

Strider: I've made the Gondor run in less than twelve leagues!

Frodo reacts to Strider's stupid attempt to impress them with obvious misinformation.

Strider: I've outrun armies of Orcs, not the local half-Orcs, mind you. I'm talking about the big Uruks of Mordor now. I'm fast enough for you, old hobbit. What's the cargo?

Frodo: Only passengers. Myself, the boy, two other hobbits with funny names, and no questions asked.

Strider: What is it? Some kind of local trouble?

Frodo: Let's just say we'd like to avoid any Mordorian entanglements.

Strider: Well, that's the trick, isn't it? And it's going to cost you something extra. Ten thousand, all in advance.

Sam: Ten thousand? We could almost buy our own Ringwraith for that!

Strider: But who's going to control it, kid? You?

Sam: You bet I could. I'm not such a bad Dark Lord myself! We don't have to sit here and listen....

Frodo: We haven't that much with us. But we could pay your two thousand now, plus fifteen when we reach Rivendell.

Strider: Seventeen, huh!

Strider ponders this for a few moments.

Strider: Okay, you guys got yourself a Ranger. We'll leave as soon as you're ready. Stable ninety-four.

Frodo: Ninety-four.

Strider: Looks like somebody's beginning to take an interest in your handiwork.

Frodo and Sam turn around to see four Orcs looking at the dead bodies and asking Butterbur some questions. Butterbur points to the booth.

Orc: All right, we'll check it out.

The Orcs look over at the booth but Frodo and Sam are gone. Butterbur shrugs his shoulders in puzzlement.

Strider: Seventeen thousand! Those guys must really be desperate. This could really save my neck.


--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Bill. Ferny: Going somewhere, Dunadan?

Strider: Yes, Bill Ferny. As a matter of fact, I was just going to see your boss. Tell Saruman that I've got his money.

B. F.: It's too late. You should have paid him when you had the chance. Sharky's put a price on your head, so large that every bounty hunter in Middle-Earth will be looking for you. I'm lucky I found you first.

Strider: Yeah, but this time I got the money.

B. F.: If you give it to me, I might forget I found you.

Strider: I don't have it with me. Tell Saruman...

B. F.: Sharky's through with you. He has no time for Rangers who drop their shipments at the first sign of a Uruk.

Strider: Even I get searched sometimes. Do you think I had a choice?

Strider slowly reaches for Anduril under the table.

B. F.: You can tell that to Sharky. He may only take your sword.

Strider: Over my dead body.

B. F.: That's the idea. I've been looking forward to killing you for a long time.

Strider: Yes, I'll bet you have.

Suddenly the slimy Half-Orc disappears in a blinding flash of light. Strider pulls his smoking Anduril from beneath the table as the other patrons look on in bemused amazement. Strider gets up and starts out of the Common Room, flipping Butterbur some coins as he leaves.

Strider: Sorry about the mess.

[ August 18, 2002: Message edited by: Dark-Caranthir ]

[Manwe Sulimo]

My two favorite stories collide! Thank you, Dark-Caranthir! My life has been made joyful once again!

[Aroaraniel]

hahahahaha! They're great!

[suicidal elf chick]

lol, I found those! They're hil-ee-air-ious! WOOO!

[ElfEarz]

hahahahahahha thats soooooo funny! i love star wars!!!!! thats cool he-he smilies/biggrin.gif smilies/wink.gif smilies/smile.gif

[Gorothlammothiel]

Very amusing Dark-Caranthir, many thanks.

[Robin Headstrong]

Lol, I love it! Thanks, Dark-Caranthir. What's freaky is that a couple months back I actually had an idea of LotR characters acting out Star Wars, and this is the first time I've read that fic. But SW and LotR are both insanely popular, so I'm not surprised it's already been done. But I like the fic, and it's hilarious! smilies/biggrin.gif

[Ms. Took]

hehehe, those were hilarious

[MYyyPreciousSS]

That was hilarious! I'm a big fan of both, so that was great.
I can just see it all now...and actually I'm quite frightened. smilies/smile.gif

[Dark-Caranthir]

I'm glad you all liked it! I've put a happy little light in all our dull little lives!

[ August 14, 2002: Message edited by: Dark-Caranthir ]

[Galadel Vinorel]

Ha-Ha!! My two favorite movies collide!! Those were hilarious!! smilies/biggrin.gif

------------

"Aure entuluva! Day shall come again."
-Hurin

[Samwise_Gamgee]

roflmao...yes very funny indeed! Liked that first one!

[Merry_Pippin_Frodo_Sam]

FRODO TAKES OUT HIS LIGHTSABER!!!!!!

"glow, my sword does, YES!!"

LOLOLOLOL
i love it!

[Aramacil]

smilies/biggrin.gif smilies/biggrin.gif lol , tanx for posting this, I think it's very funny smilies/biggrin.gif

[Rose Cotton]

LOL!

Yes, Sting really could be somthing of a lightsaber. smilies/biggrin.gif

[Firondoiel]

HEHEHEHEHE!!!!!!! ROFL!!!!!! SOOOOOO funny!!!!!!! Thanx 4 posting this!!!! I loved it!!!!

[Mister Underhill]

Let's try to actually *add* something to the discussion when we post, instead of just saying you thought it was funny or your lyao.

[Targaeriel]

When I was surfing in the web, searching for new LOTR-sites I found a banner:

You see Gandalf and the Balrog in Moria.
Gandalf cries:"You cannot pass!"
Balrog:"GANDALF, I'm your father!!"
Gandalf: *gasp*

Sooo cool, but i haven't find the page again. smilies/frown.gif Does anyone have the link??

[Dark-Caranthir]

Bilbo [hanging over edge]: You killed my father!
Gollum: No Bilbo, I am your father!
Bilbo: No, it can't be true! Thats impossible!
Gollum: Look into your feelings Bilbo you know it to be true. Join me and with the ring we can destroy Sauron, and rule Middle Earth as Father and Son!
Bilbo: Aaaaargh! [falls down pit]

[ September 15, 2002: Message edited by: Dark-Caranthir ]

[Gorothlammothiel]

Very good Dark-Caranthir, although I somewhat imagine that to happen between Frodo and Gollum, smilies/smile.gif situation seems a little more real between them...

And Meaven, I too have seen that banner, the one with a white background I believe, can't think of the site though...

[targaeriel]

What a pity, that you don`t remember the link, Gorothlammothiel, ...

Oh yes, the situation between Gollum and Frodo would fits well in the scene on Mt. Doom. smilies/smile.gif

Gollum: Don't throw the ring into the Cracks of Doom, Frodo, with its help we can rule the world together.

[Merry_Pippin_Frodo_Sam]

NO! how about NAZGUL and Frodo?!?!?!?

[Keeper of the Feet of Melkor]

Great story!
Wish I had an imagination...

[Melephelwen]

I know that Gandalf thing! It might also be on other pages, but I saw the banner on TheOneRing.net (http://www.theonering.net/) a while ago. I just can't remember what it was telling everybody to do... smilies/rolleyes.gif

[Targaeriel]

I FOUND the banner again. smilies/biggrin.gif I'm so happy
Thx for the link Melephelwen, you're really great.

[Melephelwen]

Oh thanks smilies/redface.gif am I really that great? Are you completely sure? Oh, never mind, I'm just kidding smilies/wink.gif

[Astaldolithion]

That is soooooo funny!!! Come come, there must be more!!!! I love star wars and lotr!!! GIVE ME MORE!!!!!!!

smilies/biggrin.gif smilies/biggrin.gif

[Astaldolithion]

*Gandalf falls down pit with balrog*

Frodo: NOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!
*orcs all turn around and begin to fire arrows at them*
Gandalf: Run, frodo, run!!!
*frodo grabs Legolas's bow and fires a few arrows killing some orcs*
Gandalf: Run!
*frodo turns and runs after the others*

I am so glad God has gifted me with an imagination. smilies/biggrin.gif

[ October 01, 2002: Message edited by: Astaldolithion ]

[Merry_Pippin_Frodo_Sam]

hmmmmmmmmmm........

what about......

Amon--<--can't remember!

entire fellowship get captured by those little Wookkies instead of ors.... and they all think LEGOLAS is a god 'cause of his gold hair... and they get help defeating the "orc-troopers" and uh, han-omir dies??
NAAAAWWWWWW!!!!!!!
whatever! sorry!
just picture the wookies.... those cute little wookies...boromir is annoyed...all the hobbits dancing with creatures with furrier feet then them.... legolas tellin them the story... (with Gandalf as obi-wan)... and gimili dreaming about "Ga_leah_driel"....... and Sky-shanks... thinking about the future and how he has to defeat Sauron.

HOW ABOUT!!!

Aragorn: YOU KILLED MY FATER!!!
Sauron: No, I am your Father!
together we will rule all of middle-earth!
father and son!
Aragorn: hmmmmmmmmm... tempting!
uh, no wait!
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO


SOOOOOO SORRY!
my lame attempt!

picture legolas in a pod-racer OHHH YEAH!!!horses are too 2nd age!

[Merry_Pippin_Frodo_Sam]

yo yo! pplz! 'sup 'sup? y'all ready fo' this?

*Star Wars theme song plays*

a long, long, time ago in the lands of middle earth...........

RING QUEST

A Circle of rings have broken, by the vast powers of the dark lord, Sauron. Small lesser rings of power slowly sank into extiction.

Until Recent the Kings of old were the most feared in Middle-earth, For two whole ages, The kings perfected their art as personal bodygaurds for the lesser peoples. they were chief architects in invisible Imperial space force.... cellular phones.... which expanded the Kingdom across the plains, from the lands of Gondor, to the Southfarthing.

Now these legendary warriors are all but extinct. One by one they have been hunted down and destoyed. As enimies of the new empire by a ferocious sinister rival, and his evil warriors, the ringwraiths of the dark lord.

a working progress.... and i guess it should be palantir, the seeing stones.. smilies/wink.gif

[ilon]

I wished they'd make TLOTR movies like what G Lucas did to Star Wars, they can get great stories from the first and second age and turn them into prequels, lots of prequels. I think Silmarillion would also make a great movie and also the love story of Arwen and Aragorn, cheesy(but i wouldn't want it, a love story would be difficult in a middleearth setting).

[ October 12, 2002: Message edited by: ilon ]

[ October 12, 2002: Message edited by: ilon ]

[Samwise_Gamgee]

This comes from Episode one:

Orc/Watto: Hobbits? Hobbits are no good around here, I need something more real..

Aragorn/Qui-gon: I don't have anything else, but Hobbits will do fine

Orc/Watto: No they won't!

Aragorn/Qui-gon:Hobbits will do fine

Orc/Watto: No they won't! What do you think yur some kind of Jedi waving your hand around like that? No Hobbits, no mithril, no deal.

---------------------------------------
(Episode 2 now)

Arwen/Padme: Frodo? My how you've grown...

Frodo/Anikin: You've grown too, more beutiful that is...um..uhh

Arwen/Padme: *Smiles* You'll always be that little hobbit I met in the wild

(Lame I know, but it's been awhile since I've seen those 2)

smilies/rolleyes.gif smilies/rolleyes.gif

[The Squatter of Amon Rûdh]

Here's a little insight into the inner workings of evil:

The Witch-King Don't be too confident in this terror you have created. The ability to destroy a planet is insignificant compared to the power of the One.

Nazgûl #1 Don't try to frighten us with your sorceror's ways. Your sad devotion to that ancient religion hasn't helped you to conjure up that stolen Ring; or given you omniscience enough to find its bearer.

The Witch-King I find your lack of faith disturbing.

A mysterious force begins to choke Nazgûl #1

Sauron Enough! Release him!

The Witch-King As you wish

Nazgûl #1 slumps forward, gasping for breath

[ October 16, 2002: Message edited by: Squatter of Amon Rudh ]

[Nimrothiel]

ROFL! Oh man, you guys are sooo funny! I'm running low on ideas, but if you want to read my best one so far, go to Other movies scenes from LotR in this forum. (It's on either pg. 1 or 2.)

Gandalf to Consul of Elrond: He is the chosen one, you must see it.

Elrond: He is too stupid, Mith-Ron.

Gandalf: I assure you, he is capable of completing this task.

Pippin: Ooh, pointy-eared people. Ha ha ha!

Gandalf: *sigh* Alright, you win, Frodo will take the Ring.

Frodo: %*$%!

[Dark-Caranthir]

I'm back!


Frodo: I'm not afraid

Aragorn: You will be, you will be...


or it could work the other way


Yoda: Are you frightened Luke?

Luke: Yes

Yoda: Not nearly frightened enough

[Diamond18]

Lol, I can just hear Yoda saying that, "Not scared enough, you are."

Okay, I posted this one somewheres else a while back, but I like it...

Faramir: "What is your name? Whence do you come? And whither do yuo go? What is your business?"

Gollum: "I don't know. Mesa day startin pretty okee-day with a brisky morning munchy, then BOOM! Gettin very scared and grabbin that hobbit and POW! Mesa here! Mesa very scared!"

Faramir: "The punishment for entering the Forbidden Pool unbidden is death!"

Gollum: "How wude!"

[Manwe Sulimo]

FRODO: Okay, this is it. We're going in, and we're going in full throttle. That oughta keep those Nazgûl off our backs.

GOLLUM: Frodo, at that speed will you be able to get out in time?

FRODO: It'll be just like Green Hill Country back home....

[FRODO, SAM, and GOLLUM run into Mordor]

GOLLUM: You see any Nazgûl yet?

FRODO: No...wait. I have three marks, at Isenmouthe!

[Face shot of the WITCH-KING]

WITCH-KING: Firmer fomation.

[Back to the RINGBEARERS]

SAM: They're coming in fast, Frodo.

FRODO: You worry about the Dark Tower, Sam, I'll worry about the Nazgûl.

[The WITCH-KING hacks at Sam]

SAM: I'm hit!

FRODO: Get clear, Sam, you can't do any more good back there!

SAM: Sorry!

[Sam runs back to Cirith Ungol}

GOLLUM: Frodo, they're right behind me.

FRODO: Hold them off for a few more seconds!

GOLLUM: Wait! Frodo! Wait!

[GOLLUM disappears in a flash of flame]

[FRODO reaches MOUNT DOOM]

BILBO v/o: Use the phial, Frodo!

[FRODO looks around, confused]

[FRODO stops running, walks towards the SAMMATH NAUR]

[Shot of ARAGORN and GANDALF]

GANDALF: He's stopped running. {Pause] Frodo, you've stopped running. What's wrong?

FRODO v/o: Nothing. I'm all right.

[Shot of the WITCH-KING]

WITCH-KING: I have you now!

[One Nazgûl explodes. The other spins, hits the WITCH-KING, and runs into MOUNT DOOM. The WITCH-KING spins out of control to the south]

GWAIHIR: Whoo-hooo!!!

GWAIHIR: You're all clear, kid! Now let's blow this thing and go home!

[FRODO throws the Ring into the Sammath Naur]

[GWAIHIR picks FRODO up. MOUNT DOOM explodes behind them]

[ November 24, 2002: Message edited by: Manwe Sulimo ]

[Lindolirian]

Did anybody else notice that in the FotR when Frodo and Aragorn are having that amusing lil ride on that broken bridge in Moria and Aragorn yells, "Hang on!!" that he sounds exactly like Han Solo?

Maybe, maybe not, but at least if gives you an excuse to pull out the movie and watch a bit to check.. hehehe

[Manwe Sulimo]

You know, you're right...

*Pulls out DVD and tries to see if Viggo is anything like Harrison Ford.*

[the witch king]

nicely done!

[Merry_Pippin_Frodo_Sam]

episode2

at the meeting of the empirial senate:

Jar-Jar: We thinkss, preciousssss, thatss we givesss masster chancsselor emergencsssyyy powwerssss, yessss precioussss!

Senator Palpatine: *high-pitched screem*

jar-Jar: Yessssss, precioussssss!!! we gives him powersss to create great fisssshhh armiesssss, OH YESSSS preciousssssss! *GOLLUM*


sorry i tried again!

[Merry_Pippin_Frodo_Sam]

Ringwraith: Baaaggiinsssss?

Ringwraith: can you tell me where baggins is?

*Gandalf waves hand*

Gandalf: You do not want me to tell you where Baggins is.

Ringwraith: I do not want you to tell me where Baggins is.

Gandalf: You want to go home and re-think your life,

Ringwraith: yeah, I wanna go home and re-think my life!

[ November 30, 2002: Message edited by: Merry_Pippin_Frodo_Sam ]

[The Squatter of Amon Rûdh]

Gandalf The Black Land of Mordor: Nowhere in Middle-earth will you find a more wretched hive of scum and villainy. You must be careful.

-------------------------------------

Bilbo This is Sting. This is the weapon of a Ringbearer. Not as clumsy or random as an Orc-spear. An elegant weapon of a more civilised age.

[The Squatter of Amon Rûdh]

There have been a number of rumours on the forum about alleged major plot changes in The Return of the King, and I believe that I may have evidence that such changes have, in fact, been incorporated into the final installment of the trilogy. The following was passed to me by a disgruntled employee of New Line Cinema, who shall remain nameless. It was apparently found in the conference room after a meeting with the film's backers. As you can see, Frodo now faces Sauron in person, to emphasise the inequality of his struggle.

Sauron: Oh, I'm afraid the Ring will be quite operational when your friends arrive.

<He glances at the Ring on his finger>

You want this? Take it. Strike me down with all your hatred and your journey to the Dark Side will be complete.

Frodo: Never. I'll never fight you.

Sauron: Then, young Ringbearer, you will die...

At this point the paper is roughly torn off. The remainder of the text is missing.

[The Squatter of Amon Rûdh]

Further to the above, the following has come to my attention from the same source. It is clearly a scene dropped from The Fellowship of the Ring.

At the Prancing Pony, a scurvy-looking fellow shouts something in a foul dialect. His equally ill-favoured companion accosts Frodo

Talkative Goon: He says he doesn't like you.

Frodo (unsure what to say): I'm sorry

He turns back to his drink

Talkative Goon: I don't like you either. You'd better watch yourself: we have the death sentence in nine kingdoms.

Frodo still doesn't know what to say to this

Frodo: I'll be careful.

Talkative Goon: You'll be dead!

Strider approaches softly

Strider: This little one isn't worth the effort. Here, let me buy you a drink.

The talkative goon and his friend shove Frodo out of the way and attack Strider, who kills them effortlessly with the hilt-shard of Narsil

At this point the fragment ends. This intriguing scene gives us such a deep insight into the ways and customs of the Breelanders that I can only assume that it was dropped for copyright reasons.

[Sillabub]

I can just imagine Saruman and Gandalf doing a light-saber fight in slow motion with the appropriate music in the backround etc...

[Anything but Arwen]

lol, Squatter.....you sound liek Christopher Tolkien in the Unfinished Tales.....now theres a thought...

[Anything but Arwen]

Ok, i wrote this ages ago, so lets see if i can remember it......

&lt;b&gt; Fellowship of the Clones &lt;/b&gt;
Startling similarities between the two...

Frodo=Luke: Noble bold heroes who arent half as interesting as everyone else

Sam=The Force: Trusty sidekick who does as hes told

Merry and Pippin=R2 and C3PO: Comedy duo who irritate everyone else

Saruman=Jabba the Hutt: Decoy villains who let others do their dirty work

Boromir=Lando Calrissian: Charming ruffians who may, just may, turn on their fellows...

Gandalf=Obi Wan: Bearded wizards who snuff it in the first instalment, yet come back later bearing advice. Also played by Sirs.

Aragorn=Han Solo: Rugged,stubbly, weapon wielding heroes who eventually get the girl.

Arwen=Leia: Pretty girls who do a bit of butt kicking and get hitched to one of the above...

Elrond=Yoda: Past it wiise guys who relate the plot for popcorn munching morons.

Orcs-Stormtroopers: Army of the villain. Lucky they cant shoot for peanuts...

[Horse-Maiden of the Shire]

Heeey...
Merry/Pippin/R2D2/C3PO dont ALWAYS annoy everyone! Sometimes they's good.

[Kalimac]

GANDALF: We haven't got time to argue about it in committee!

ELROND: I am NOT a committee!

(or something like that)

I'd satirize something from Eps I and II but mercifully I can't really remember much of the dialogue, except for...

ARAGORN: I don't like the rocks in Mordor. They're hard and rough. Not like you, Arwen. You're soft and smooth.

(Hey, who could resist giving up their immortality to hear poetry like that?)

[The Squatter of Amon Rûdh]

This is how I would imagine schedules are kept in Mordor:

Khamul: My lord, this is an unexpected pleasure. We are honoured by your presence.

The Witch-King: You may dispense with the pleasantries. I am here to put you back on schedule.

Khamul: I assure you, lord, my men are working as fast as they can.

The Witch-King: Perhaps I can find new ways to motivate them.

Khamul: I assure you, Lord; this fortress will be operational as planned.

The Witch-King: The Dark Lord does not share your optimistic appraisal of the situation.

Khamul: But he asks the impossible. I need more men.

The Witch-King: Then perhaps you can tell him when he arrives

Khamul: The Dark Lord is coming here?

The Witch-King: That is correct. And he is most displeased with your apparent lack of progress.

Khamul: We shall double our efforts.

The Witch-King: I hope so for your sake. The Dark Lord is not as forgiving as I am.

[Mornie Alantie]

Somehow the scipts got messed up and.....

Padme: I don't need more protection I need answer, I want to know who's trying to kill me.

Anakin: Its over there on the mantelpiece...no wait its here in my pocket.

Leah: What?!?!

Grand Mof Tarken(or whatever the guy who is in control of the death star): Your far to trusting you may fire it when ready.

Leah: Its mine I found it! It came to Me!!!!

Death Star Guy: Theres no need to get angry.

Leah: Well If im angry its your fault, we are a peacful planet we have no weapons!

Darth Vader: Are you frightened?

Leah: Yes.

Yoda: You will be.......wait......

Jar Jar: Any help here woulda be hot. (or what he says when inprisoned by the gungans)

Qui-gon: Jar Jar Bink! Do not take me for some conjurer of cheap tricks! I am not trying to help you, I'm trying to kill you.

[Lily Bombadil]

(Merry_Pippin_Frodo_Sam, those little short ones are Ewoks. The Wookies are the tall furballs)
Know what? When Frodo screamed in Moria he sounded just like Luke when he screamed after Darth told him they were father & son.
The wimpy characters always scream the best. I think their talents were ill-proportioned.

[Lily Bombadil]

OH!

Pippin says, "Mesa called Pippin Took!"
___________________________________________

Strider & the 4 hobbits are flying through space in the Millenium Falcon when this big star starts to pull them towards it.
Inside, Darth Vader is like "Welcome to the Evenstar. Coo pur, coo pur..."
_________________________________________

Arwen is Queen Undomiel instead of Amidala
___________________________________________

Faramir comes crying to Eowyn saying, "I slaughtered them like animals." Then he relates the story of his revenge on the Uruk-hai bcause they killed Boromir.
________________________________________

Legolas says of Aragorn, "This is no mere Jedi. He is Obi Wan Dunedain. You owe him your allegiance."
________________________________________

Arwen says, "You're not all-powerful, Aragorn."
"Well I should be."
____________________________________________

Sam says, "Mister Frodo, I need to be serviced."

(OKAY, THESE ARE DUMB! smilies/frown.gif )