Middle Earth Commercials!

[Aralaithiel]

OK...we've had Middle Earth riddles, recipies, and nursery rhymes. How about some commercials! I'll start. Oh...keep it clean and keep it related to Middle Earth, or the Mighty Mr. Barrow Wight will kill us! (on knees bowing in reverence to BW!)

If it says lembas, lembas, lembas on the label, label, label, then it should be on your table, table, table!

Sting...don't leave home without it!

[Tigerlily Gamgee]

OK, here goes...

One gold ring... $1500
A sword that glows blue... $650
Your finger... $1000
The chance to destory the Dard Lord... PRICELESS!

[Arwen Imladris]

Bunch of horses running around through rugged terain.

kid: Zoom Zoom!

VO: get your own rohirum horse today!

(sorry, that was really lame)

[Raefindel]

Hobbits... when you care enough to send the very best. smilies/biggrin.gif

[Enedhil]

"I saw this and thought of you..."

*camera shot of plain gold ring*


(very much in the style of the Royal Mail adverts we get here in UK) smilies/biggrin.gif

[Kalimac]

The scene begins with Frodo, Sam and Gandalf on a balcony in Rivendell. All are wearing masks and carrying guns and walkie-talkies.

Gandalf: Ready, Halflings 001 and 002?

Frodo: Ready, Istari 002!

Gandalf: Let's go!

[The three of the them leap off the balcony Matrix-style and begin running down the sylvan path that they land on, running crouched low while blasting the way clear of objects and random Elves with their guns. Sam trips and falls].

Frodo: Gandalf! Sam's down!

Gandalf: Leave him! There's no time!

[Frodo and Gandalf crash through a pair of wooden doors to find the Council of Elrond already in session, and all the chairs taken].

Elrond: Sorry, guys. Council's full. Try again next age.

Frodo: Abort! Abort! Abort!

[Cut to Frodo and Gandalf walking gloomily away through the now-destroyed doors].

Voiceover: Don't want to miss the big show? Get your tickets ahead of time on Fandango.

(Do you know how many TIMES I suffered through that commercial? smilies/mad.gif ).

[ April 20, 2002: Message edited by: Kalimac ]

[Raefindel]

Hahaha... You have a knack for describing camera shots! smilies/wink.gif

[Rose Cotton]

Frodo is going to put the ring on.

Sam: Frodo, you shouldn't wear that ring. It's bad for your health.

Anouncer: Friends don't let friends wear evil magical rings.
This has been a public service anouncement from Barad-dur.

[Aralaithiel]

OMG!!! These are great! Here's one:
Scene: The Prancing Pony; Several denizens of Bree (known as BDs) at the bar, with Pippin off to one side.
BD#1: How ya doin'?
BD#2: How ya doin'?
Pippin: I'm very well thank you! Just got in tonight. My friend there Mr. Baggins drug us through the rain with some wraiths chasing us. Been here a few hours and am enjoying a few pints. BOy am I glad to get out of that rain, I tell you what...
Enter another BD.
BD#1: How ya doin'?
BD#2: How ya doin'?
BD#3: How ya doin'?
BD's 1 & 2 look at 3 and shake their heads in an attempt to keep #3 from asking Pippin the same question.
Pippin: I'm very well thank you...

I really love that commercial! smilies/biggrin.gif

[Fingo]

*Ringwraiths shown in a long dark pipe*
VO: Evil clogging up your sink?
*Rush of foamy horses comes charging down the pipe, sweeping the Wraiths into black oblivion*
VO: With new foaming action to wash Darkness right down the drain!

*oh geez that was lame smilies/rolleyes.gif *

[ April 22, 2002: Message edited by: Fingo ]

[Marileangorifurnimaluim]

Sweeping shots of Gandalf walking in a Shire sunset... peaceful theme music..

Close-up of Gandalf:
"At the end of a hard Age, I deserve some time off. That's when I pull up a chair, and fill up my pipe..
with Old Toby..
..the finest weed in the Four Farthings."

Blows smoke rings.
"After all, you deserve the best."

[Marileangorifurnimaluim]

Galadriel stands at her mirror "it shows things that have been, some things that are, and some that have not yet come to pass."

LOUD ANNOUNCER BREAKS IN -

"But for the rest of us, there's the KLPU Weather Report, at 6 and 11!"

[Aosama, the Wandering Star]

Barliman Butterbur carries tray with toast on it down some stairs, opens a door to find Frodo sitting in bed. Frodo picks up toast, takes a bite and, sighing, murmurs:
"i can't believe its not butter!"

[Aosama, the Wandering Star]

just think: that "Mr. Clean" guy replaced with a bald Gandalf.
"keep your counter clean and salmonella-free with Istari-approved 'gandalf' brand cleaners!"

[Raefindel]

Wecome to the Barrow-Downs, Aosama.

[Elenya]

Hmm...

Cheap Commercial

"Are you or have you been a ring-holder? If so, you are prequalified for the Ring Holders Anonamous Credit Card and Life Insurance. Lost a finger because of a ring? Don't fret! RHA will gladly pay for surgery and recovery. With the RHA credit card, you are privy to some of Middle-Earth's greatest discounts at all your favorite stores. Don't delay! Call 1-800-RHA-2DAY, that's 1-800-742-2329 (this number is non-existent)

[Aralaithiel]

But wait...there's more! smilies/biggrin.gif
Frodo, Gollum, and Saruman at Mount Doom, Frodo & Gollum are wrestling on the ground by the fire.
Saruman: Boys! What's all this about?
Frodo: Well, Gollum and I were arguing over the ring, and we got into a fight, and we were wrong.
Saruman: Why don't you hand me the ring.
Frodo hands Saruman the ring.
Saruman: Oh goody, goody, goody! (Runs off to use the ring for evil).
Gollum: What just happened, Frodo?
Frodo: We got hosed, Gollum! We got hosed!

[ April 23, 2002: Message edited by: Aralaithiel ]

[Samwise_Gamgee]

*Think of this as the Geico commercial*

Cave Troll (replacing the gecko): Hello!

Balrog (replacing the Taco Bell Dog): Oh great, a talking Cave Troll

(Yes I know, it belongs in a drain!
smilies/rolleyes.gif )

[Jeli Baggins]

haha! those are so0o funny! I espesally like the "i can't believe it not butter" one and the mastercard one with the PRICELESS thingy! smilies/biggrin.gif smilies/biggrin.gif do sum more cause i can't think of ne!

[Merry_Pippin_Frodo_Sam]

ok! i liked the 1 in Sam's scenes post? (i think) .. i can't find it so it's goin from memory....

Arwen: That's right folks! You can have this here hobbit all just for $19.95!!!! but wait! call within 5 minutes and we'll through in this ruling ring absolutly free!
but hurry! suplies are limited, offer only while supplies last!

.... sort of..

[Jeli Baggins]

ok u noe that stupid clorox commercial where the song keeps repeating in your head?! Well i'm gonna use that one b/c I can never forget it.

You see Frodo holding the ring and doin a hobbity dance.
The singer comes in, and this is how the song goes:
Frodo has the One, a ring filled with magic.
Bilbo gave it to him, that part was tragic.
Frodo has the One, a ring filled with magic.
Frodo has the power of, the One.

It's ended with Frodo and Bilbo doing the hobbity jig together, and then Frodo suprisingly dissapears smilies/eek.gif

haha i noe that was dumb smilies/biggrin.gif

[Morgul Queen]

Merry and Pippin fighting over a phone
Pippin: Pizza Pizza Pizza!!
Pippin grabs phone and has a blank look
Merry:0800-30-40-50and ask for mega top it has 50% more mushrooms and its only $2 extra!
fade out to a picture of a pizza completely covered in mushrooms!!!

OMG i hate that commercial its on at least twice every commercial break!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! smilies/mad.gif smilies/mad.gif

[Morai]

Hehehe smilies/evil.gif

{shows a lonely hobbit}
Ever feel lonely, looked down upon, picked on
{shows men beating up hobbits}
Well, fear no more! Buy your own personal Ring Wraith! For only $19.95! You will never feel loney! People will shudder in fear! Plus you get a good chance of finding the one ring!

Warning: May cause fear. People who oppose Sauron or posses the one ring should not use this product.

[ September 12, 2002: Message edited by: Morai ]

[Samwise_Gamgee]

Thought of another one....

*This is about those country commercials*

Announcer: Don't you wish you could relive the music of Middle-Earth...

*Gandalf sings* The road goes ever on and on...

*Then Sam sings* Gil-Galad was an elven king...

Announcer: Then get this set of songs on 2 cassettes or 2 CDs.

*Then Frodo sings* O! Wanderers in the shadowed land....

*Then Pippin sings* Sing hey! for the bath at close of day...

Announcer: This collection of songs includes artist like Gandalf the Grey, Frodo Baggins, Peregrin Took, and much much more!

*The blue screen comes on with the phone number and all that junk*

Announcer: Don't delay act now!

[InklingElf]

Diamonds are forever!

Buy her the Nenya Ring (Galadriel's) Today!And may your love be eternal!

[Minyaharmawen]

OMG i am laughing so hard right now.
Okay here's mine it's lame

Verion wireless guy: (on the top of orthank)*takin in to the planinter (sp?)* can you hear me now... good.
.....
okay thatwas dumb smilies/rolleyes.gif

[Eol]

That was fabulous, I suppose I should contribute.


[scene opens to a husband and wife , the husband holding the mail. He opened one of the envelopes and exclaims]

husband: Have you see these surcharges? It like been raided!

[in back ground see hordes of orcs and men running to the couple and their goods]

wife: Do not be beside yourself! Be at ease, we have the new RangerOne card, no suprise charges and lower rates.

[the hordes stop and are now fustrated. An orc removes his helmet and throws it to the ground and begins to jump on it.]

announcer: gives shpell about the credit card

[an smaller orc with his short sword ready and a grin]

orc: What's in your wallet?


The best commercial was the medieval barbarians and the two knights, after that it got pretty lame.

[Telwilyeil Greenleaf]

You see Gandalf and Pippin on Shadowfax. Shadowfax whips around. Facing foward. Pippin says " Whats the matter? "
Gandalf replies " I forgot my ale "
then Pippin says " uh oh"
You see Shadowfax whinny and take off. You see a drunk look at Gandalfs ale on a post out side of the tavern. He picks it up. Just then you see Gandalf and Pippin on Shadowfax. Shodowfax jups on to a pile of barrels, leap and do a summersault. Gandalf grabs his ale from the drunk and starts pouring down his throat. Then him and Shadowfax lands.....

You know A " Middle-Earthenized" Mountain Dew commercial.

[Rose Cotton]

Aragorn is running around fighting orcs. Blue swet is running down his face.
Then the announcer guy says
"Gatorade! Is it in you?"

[NazgulNumberTen]

for some reason, i have the thought of tom bombadil as a used-car salesmen in my head.
scary...

[Isilya]

Arwen: Do you remember when we first met?
Aragorn: You said you would bind yourself to me forever.
Arwen: And to that I hol...What is that amazing smell?
Announcer: Do you want to attract someone, but are too ashamed of your bodily odour? Then get Eau de Aragorn, the rugged smell of sweat, blood, and other foresty things we're not allowed to mention on air. Just two sprays, and you'll be attracting your own Evenstar.

Eau de Aragorn: When regular cologne just isn't enough.

[Keeper of the Feet of Melkor]

Sauron-Are you tired of having middle-earth helmet hair? Then buy your Solid Sauron Hair gel today!

[Isilya]

middle-earth helmet hair

Mmppphhh!! I love it!!

[Willowberry_Firnsarnwen]

Oh gosh I'm going to fall out of my chair laughing,this is too much..can't stop laughing..

<A shot of a jumbled company of hobbits,men,elves,dwarves and a few orcs inside an inn,all appear to be drinking the same drink.

<A close-up shot of a strangely familiar hobbit is shown,he takes a sip of his drink,sighs and raises the mug,

"Proper fourteen-twenty!"

<A smooth announcer's voice comes on and a shot of a full and frothy mug is shown,
"1420,when it's that good."

Oh dear,that's really bad. Like really,REALLY, really bad! Ah well...maybe not too many people will read it..

~Willowberry~

[Brinniel]

Sorry, Isilya. I'm kind of using your scene.
Ok, here's my lame attempt.

Arwen: Do you remember when we first met?
Aragorn: I thought I had strayed into a dream.
Arwen: That was long ago. You did not have the cares you carry now. Do you remember what I told you?
Aragorn: Uhhh, you told me I had bad breath.
Arwen: Yes, and your breath smells so wonderful now. Oh, Aragorn! You have stopped smoking! I love you!
*Arwen kisses Aragorn*
*Aragorn turns to the camera with a cheesy smile*
Announce: He didn't stop smoking. He used Rivendell Fresh Breath Spray, the #1 breath freshener used by light to heavy smokers all over Middle-earth!

[Eol]

These post continue to be clever, very entertaining! Especially the helmet hair!

[Alatariel]

*Frodo standing outside Bag End, admiring the freshly-varnished front door*
VO: Do you want a smooth front door like this one without the worry of rain spoiling your varnish?
*begins to rain, Frodo shrugs and goes inside*
VO: Then you need Ronsil 30 minute varnish... it does exactly what it says on the ring, er, I mean, tin!

[Isilya]

My apologies to Tigerlily, but the commercial's a classic.

Glowing sword: Inherited

Mithril Vest: Inherited

One Gold Ring: Inherited

The chance to beat the crap out of the Dark Lord and only lose one finger in the process: Priceless

There are some things money can't buy. For everything else, there's Bilbo&Frodocard.

[NazgulNumberTen]

THIS IS YOUR BRAIN
http://images.google.com/images?q=tbn:-UD71Y7M9GQC:www.cc.gatech.edu/scivis/seminars/brain.gif
THIS IS YOUR BRAIN ON LEAF
http://images.google.com/images?q=tbn:v5lbCB2qG6oC:www.swr3.de/info/magazin/extra3/spieletipps/herrderringe_diverse/gandalf.jpg

[Diamond18]

Ahahaha! I especially love "Eau de Aragorn", Isilya, and the Mountain Dew parody, Telwilyeil Greenleaf!

*Deep breath* now I shall try my hand:

Pippin is sitting by himself in the dark.

Announcer: You've been dragged around by Uruk-hai, had to sit through a three-day Entmoot, and Gandalf snapped at you the very first time you saw him after he came back from the dead! What would make you feel better?
Pippin: Pipe-weed?
Announcer: No! You need to come to Palantíri-R-Us! Black ones, blue ones, purple ones, chartreuse ones! Look in a Palantír today and all your troubles will go away!

Okay, so that was lame. Maybe I'll come back if I get a decent idea...

[Brinniel]

Announcer: Your friends are out saving lives, kicking orc @$$, and destroying the One Ring. They invited you to join them.
*Scenes of the fellowship fighting orcs or doing anything that appears interesting appear on TV screen.*
*Suddenly, the camera turns to Pippin, who is sitting in chair, looking bored as ever*
Announcer: But instead, you are sitting in Rivendell with nothing to do because, not only did Gandalf call you, "Fool of a Took," but you also smoked pipeweed. Smoke pipeweed, and you lose a wizard's trust. Stay Drug-Free.

[Daisy Sandybanks]

One gold Ring....

(Camera shot of gold Ring in a mutated hand)

Possesivness....

(Camera shot of Gollum sitting on a rock stroking a gold Ring)

And a split personality....

(Camera shot of Gollum stroking a gold Ring and wispering "Precious, yes, we likes it my precious")

Don't bother me, Im fondeling.

[Rip off of a Carl's Jr. commercial] smilies/biggrin.gif

[mordor136]

the scene starts with frodo and sam walking up to the green dragon. a mean looking orc bouncer turns them away. the two hobbits rush to an abandoned hobbit hole and rope off th entrance.(gaffer is bouncer)All the hobbits are having a wild party and drinking hobbit ale. the orc wants in. the gaffer throws the orc really far. he then looks to
the camera and says "powerale, very real power."

ok that was lame and a mix of two commercials

[ October 06, 2002: Message edited by: mordor136 ]

[Diamond18]

I love your pipe-weed one, Brinniel, tee hee. smilies/smile.gif

A commercial for the extended edition DVD:

Scene: A man is asleep in his bed. He opens his eyes and looks up, and sees Lurtz standing over his bed glowering at him.

Cut to a little girl sitting at the breakfast table, holding an empty cereal box over her bowl. She glances across the table and sees Pippin sitting there with his bowl overflowing, munching away.

Cut to another man sleeping in his bed. The Fellowship enters, Boromir blows his horn in the man's face and the others dump a bucketful of Caradhras snow on him.

Announcer: "It's just like having Middle-earth come to your home!

(Sorry if this isn't amusing, it's a spoof on a hilarious commercial for NFL football here in the states, but I've only seen it once...)

[Fallen King of Angmar]

Lembas... mmmmm mmmmm... so good so good

[hobbitlass]

*camera overhead shot*

An exhausted Frodo and Sam are sleeping against a rock of the Emyn Muil.

*camera pans to overhanging cliff*

Gollum is sneaking down the cliff towards the unsuspecting hobbits.

*camera closeup of Frodo's chest*

Gollum's nasty flappy hand is sliding under Frodo's cloak.

*camera zooms to Frodo's face*

Frodo's eyes fly open, he grabs Gollum's wrist..."Don't lay a finger on my Butterfinger!"

[Demloth of Dol Amroth]

New Special at Burger Lord! Get a medium Choke, medium Fries, and a Double Man-Flesh Burger for 1.99! Onion Rings of Power only 10 cents extra!

[Persephine]

Hello everyone. I'm new around here. Please be gentle. Here's a few!!!

*~*~*~*~*

KFC Commercial
The one ring...It's finger licking good!!!

*~*~*~*~*

Dunhill Commercial
Style, quality, the one ring...

*~*~*~*~*

Can't think any more...I'll write some more soon. smilies/biggrin.gif smilies/biggrin.gif smilies/biggrin.gif

[gralin musicteeth]

Not much for this bys... but i'll give it a shot

*Set the scene: Arwen on horse on one side of the river and Ringwraiths are approaching the other side*

voice: introducing Elrond's own antiperspirant, with a power stripe
Arwen: let's say those ringwraiths are odour, and this river is the power stripe in NEW Elrond's own anti-perspirant

*Wraiths approach, going all out. Suddenly river rises, and wipes them out*

*Legolas and other pretty elves appear*

Legolas: I never go anywhere without looking pretty and smelling good! *holds up a stick of Elrond's own*

Voice: now in Mirkwood musk and Lothlorien Fresh!

well there's my lame and imbosilic attempt at humour. i'm goin to bed.

[The Daughter of Gollum and Shelob]

"Get Frodo's Ring (plastic replica) for only $39.99!!! It's sooo amazingly cheap!! and it's a 75% off price!!" smilies/rolleyes.gif

[Orual]

It's been a while since anybody posted on this thread, but Diamond referred to it...it's so funny! I'm going to try my hand at it.

~*~

[Frodo comes into Bag End. Bilbo is reading.]

Bilbo: Hullo, Frodo! How was your day?

[Frodo looks at the camera. Cut to scenes of Frodo being: chased by Nazgul, chased by Boromir, chased by orcs, chased by more Nazgul, chased by more orcs...
Frodo takes a bite of lembas. His eyes widen.]

Frodo: Fine. It was fine!

[Bilbo looks up as Frodo walks off, smiling.]

Announcer: Lembas. It might just be the lift you need.

~*~

Like that Pop-Tart spinoff commercial...blimey if I remember what the product was called...

~*~Orual~*~

[Diamond18]

Oh, er, ach! I know the exact commercial that your referring to, but blimey if I know the product either.

BTW, very funny! smilies/wink.gif

Here's another one:

Gimli: "Mithril is forever."
Frodo: "And Mithril is a Hobbit's best friend."
Announcer: "Give the gift that tells that special someone you really care. Give them Mithril this Yule season."

Oh well, I guess I need some Lembas or something cause that was...lacking. smilies/rolleyes.gif

[Diamond18]

"Absoloutely my dear Frodo!—"
"—Positively my dear Sam!"

Oh, what? Do you mean to tell me that none of you have seen those commercials for Hermax?

[Nimrothiel]

LMAO! Don't blame me for this one, a friend of mine thought of it. For those of you who have seen the Thermasilk commercials, you'll probably like this one. See if you can picture this in your head:

Gandalf is in front of the Balrog, which snaps its whip around Gandalf's hair and beard. His hair is then made soft and silky by the extreme heat and the Thermasilk formula. He then tosses his head to show it off.

OR

Gimli in any Herbal Essences commercial.

don't blame me, these weren't my ideas! smilies/biggrin.gif smilies/rolleyes.gif

[purplefluffychainsaw]

Okay, sorry about this:
ARWEN smilies/biggrin.gifo you remember when we first met?
ARAGORN: You said you would bind yourself to me forver.
ARWEN: And...
ARAGORN: **Sighs** If I got a hair wash
ARWEN:And to that I hold **ARWEN hands ARAGORN bottel of Loriel shampoo**
ARAGORN: You can't give this to me
ARWEN: It is mine to give to whom I will
Screen flashes to close up of the bottle
ARWEN: **In backround** Loriel. Because I'm worth it too...
smilies/rolleyes.gif

[Orual]

OH! That was FUNNY! But change it to Lorien! LoL! But that really was funny....I loved the sigh! LoL!

~*~Orual~*~

[Aragorn_The_King]

OOOOooo These are good! Here is my try.

Sam at moria: Poor Bill, how can I let him go. Is there anything you want Bill?
Bill: *Gives cheesey grin rolling lips up* I want meow mix, I want weow mix, Ii Ii I want meow mix.

If you expect emediate ressults from your insurance company turn to progressive. Shows Frodo put on ring and dissapear. We may not be changing the world. Shows the ring flying to fire. But we are changing the way people buy car insurance. STUPID, I KNOW.

If you want someone who works for the people elect Sauroman. He wants peace unlike Sauron who has started two wars. Sauroman likes coller flare he is a genuine peacenick. Remember, vote green party.

Use the ring-- it will make you feel good when everyone is looking down on you. Sideaffects may include wraithnes, pursuent evil, death etc.

[Aragorn_The_King]

Sorry I'm sorta stealing an idea--
Gimli takes bight of lembas "Wheres the I can't believe it's not butter? I need that soft buttery taste!"

[dragoneyes]

This is a radio one, it's been on all the time, it's time I took the mickey.

*Nazgul are busy decorating a christmas tree, the witch-king walks in*

Witch-king: The tree's looking very nice, but that's not a star on the top!
Nazgul: No it's a replica of the gold ring that sauron lost all those years ago, he says it's there to remind santa what he wants for Christmas.
witch-king: Ahhh, yes.
announcer: Make your loved ones know what you want. The one ring, something someone you love would love for Christmas.

[Orual]

TWO TOWERS SPOILERS: DON'T READ IF YOU DON'T WANT TO KNOW.

REALLY.

(Ithilien. Faramir walks into the room, draws his sword, etc. Gives his speech. Finally, it is the moment.)

Faramir: The Ring will go to Gondor.

(Freeze-frame Faramir's face. Cut to a man in a suit. Faramir's face is now on a screen behind him; he stands at a podium.)

Man: Poor judgement: another side-effect of hunger.

(Shots of lembas from various angles.)

Man: Lembas, the waybread of the Elves. Lembas: don't let hunger happen to you!

~*~

A la the Snickers commercials.

~*~Orual~*~

[ December 23, 2002: Message edited by: Orual ]

[Nimrothiel]

Lol! I just thought of a new one. Gimli in one of those commercials for a men's cologne where the guy is riding a horse. And the girl is EOWYN! smilies/evil.gif