LOTR merchandise we never want to see

[Tigerlily Gamgee]

I thought that this would be a fun one. Here's how it works. ..
We all know that LOTR merchandising is a really big thing right now. So this is to post merchandise that you hope you never run across in a store.
Here's some that I came up with:

~Lucky Hobbit's Foot keyring
~Life-Sized Legolas Doll
~The One "Teething" Ring (for babies!)
~Sam's Elven Jump Rope
~Denethor & Pyre Delux Action Set
~Gimli's Guide to Beard Braiding
~Legolas Bed Sheets
~Galadriel's Greatest Hits: Melodies of the Golden Wood
~Orc Sports Drink w/Collectable Bottles

Your turn!!!!! smilies/smile.gif

[ November 03, 2002: Message edited by: Tigerlily Gamgee ]

[Kalimac]

Legolas Shampoo & Hairspray Bathroom Beauty Set (Look perfect in EVERY situation, even when your workplace is just murder).

Elessar Electric Razor - When You Want The Look of the Rugged Outdoors, Think Stubble.

Drogo Boats! The inflatable, hobbit-sized canoes - the kiddies will love it!

Sam Gamgee-endorsed pans - When Sam Returns To Mordor, This Time He'll Bring Allclad.

Hands of A Healer scented candles - "Now have the reviving scent of kingsfoil in your own home. Guaranteed to provide new energy that even your aromatherapist couldn't give you!"

Gollum's Diet Cookbook - a fascinating collection of eclectic recipes, involving no chemicals, preservatives, or genetically enhanced components. Lose weight and feel great with simple yet satisfying recipes for sushi and tastefully undercooked rabbits, and discover the best-kept secret in weight loss - goblin meat! Get a full refund if you're not calling this book "Precioussss" within 30 days.

And, of course ...

The Palantir 8-Ball.

Enough. I don't know...maybe I should switch back to decaffeinated tea.

[LePetitChoux]

The Palantir 8-Ball.

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I love those things. Once I asked it "am I a girl?" (which I am), and the reply was "soon"

aaaaaaanyway.

Earendil (that star I mean) torches - Battery free, good for the environment. Can be used to impress your friends, pretend youre an elven warior the EASY, low cost way!

riiiiight.
Also, I would like to ask for shieldmaiden's permission to post this:

http://forum.barrowdowns.com/comiccontest/sitpic-LotRsale.jpg

[Raefindel]

That was great, LePetit! I found Blurtz and Khamue the Eastender (http://www.jimcalagon.supanet.com/rpt33.htm)

andArwen the Archer (http://www.jimcalagon.supanet.com/rpt41.htm).

[Diamond18]

A plush, stuffed Shelob cuddly toy.

"Invent your own mini Uruk-hai" science kit.

New from Campbells, limited edition mushroom soup with labels reading: Maggot Soup.

A Legolas doll that says "I Love You" , and "Marry Me", and can be programed to utter the name of the Leggybopper who buys the doll.

A " Morphin' Glorfin' " doll that changes from Glorfindel to Arwen at the press of a button.

"Breath of Death" throat spray (from the Hobbit).

Life-size skeleton of Moria doll that comes with its own well. (Hobbit not included).

A "Become the Balrog" suit. Supposedly 100% safe, this suit can be set on fire without damage to the wearer....patent pending.

[Morai]

Eu de ork: Ork prefume

The One Ring Jewelry Collection

Boromir Impersonators (Okay you don't see em at stores but still.....)

Tabloids about Gollum and Boromir still being alive

Mordor vacation tickets

[Eruialiwen]

A Legolas doll that says "I Love You" , and "Marry Me", and can be programed to utter the name of the Leggybopper who buys the doll.

A " Morphin' Glorfin' " doll that changes from Glorfindel to Arwen at the press of a button.

LOL, that's hilarious smilies/biggrin.gif smilies/biggrin.gif smilies/biggrin.gif

[Arwen Imladris]

GROW: for people under 6ft only! An ent draught to make you grow!

A Ballad for Bilbo Baggins: Performed my Moria orcs and the Uruk-hai, and you thought Leonard Nimoy was bad!

Sory, those were bad. That is all I can think of for now.

[Elenna]

I swear, if that Arwen Barbie ends up on the market, I'm staging a protest. A big one.

[Mintyztwin]

Ew. An Arwen Barbie? Yech. I don't even want to think about it!!!!!! "Why don't you just give me a paper cut and pour lemon juice on it?"

Okay, a product I hope to not see . . . [pardon my grammar] Nazgul breath spray. "Knock your friends flat with just a wiff!"

Hoo boy. That was lame. And probably pre-done. [I only skim threads!]I think I'll go do homework now!

[Tigerlily Gamgee]

"Denethor's advice for living" - now available as book on tape...
Also, don't miss his new book... "How to keep your family together"

[gralin musicteeth]

AHAHAHAHAHAHA!! MORPHIN' GLORFIN!!!!!!!!! I LOVE IT!!!!!!!!!

[Diamond18]

Thanks smilies/biggrin.gif

How about a Shadowfax horse doll that comes with markers and stickers to decorate it? That would give me nightmares.

[Morai]

The scouring of the Shire citations!! Collect all 55,106!

[Nevfeniel]

I swear, if that Arwen Barbie ends up on the market, I'm staging a protest. A big one. I'll join you! We can buy some for the sole purpose of ripping their heads and/or other limbs off! That would be fun.

[hobbitlass]

Goggles and "Watcher in the Water" pool set.
Gollum nailclippers.

All I can think of now.

[Mintyztwin]

Hah! I liked that last one! "Watcher in the Water." I would probably actually get that! Heh heh. *chuckles evilly* smilies/evil.gif

[Elenna]

Nevfeniel - And we have to torch a few of them. A big Barbie bonfire.

*Elenna retreats into a corner, starts rocking back and forth and giggling*

And we should make signs saying "Down with Barbiewen!" except write it in Tengwar!

[Mintyztwin]

Ooh! Good idee!!!! smilies/evil.gif

[VanimaEdhel]

A blowup doll of any of them for...well...you know...we all know what blowup "girlfriends" are for...I just do not want to see them for boys or girls.

[Nevfeniel]

And we have to torch a few of them. A big Barbie bonfire. I'll get the firewood. smilies/evil.gif http://plaudersmilies.de/devil/firedevil.gif Hehehehe. . .

[Horse-Maiden of the Shire]

k i got some theyre porbbaly lame like my spelling
Here's some stuff they might sell on Ebay:

Frodo's underwear! 100% cotton. They've been places you never want to go!

Frodo's missing finger! A genuine hobbit limb. Now you can have eleven!

A lock of Aragorn's hair! It's greasy, its dirty, but it's royalty!

thats all, thank god! lol! please please tell me if they suck or not

[Thulorongil]

Do you want a royal boyfriend? Eowyn's guide to attracting princes and kings

The Old Tooks wrinkle remover

Barliman Butterbur's root beer

For the Harry Potter fans: Gandalf's hat-interchangeable with all Hogwarts sorting hat scenes

Boromir's chain of brass instrument lesson books (his horn?...)

Wormtongue action figure! with real grovelling and palantir-chucking action!!

Gimli's Easy Guide to horseback riding

& so on...

[Gorwingel]

Hey everyone who does not want an Arwen barbie doll, they actually make something close. The people who make all the action figures make an Arwen doll with fabric clothing and everything, they also make an Eowyn one. But I have to tell ya, they are not very attractive smilies/wink.gif .

I would never ever want to see any LOTR underwear, just not a good thing.

How about a flaming Balrog firework, actually that could be kind of cool