LOTR Outtakes!

[The Green Ringwraith]

(Lurtz is fixing to kill Boromir)

Lurtz : *has already shot Boromir once* *draws the second arrow*
Boromir : *watches in horror* *frozen with terror*
Lurtz : *face screws up with.. idescision? pain?*
Boromir : *yawns* *waits*
Lurtz : I CAN'T TAKE IT! *drops bow and arrow and picks wedgie*
Merry and Pippin : *from the bushes comes shouts of laughter*
Lurtz : Come back here you ***holes!!!! *chases the hobbits down the hill*
*Merry and Pippin crash into Sam who rolls down the hill and into the water and drowns*
PJ : CUT! CUT!!!!!

[NazgulNumberTen]

not to be a party-pooper, but isn't there a thread just like this in the barrow downs?

[The Green Ringwraith]

If there is I have no idea. Oh well. smilies/frown.gif

[Halbereth Diagona]

Arwen: It is mine to....eeew! Viggo, you been at the garlic bread again? Your breath mings!

Elrond: Our list of allies grows thin.
Gandalf: Errrr....yes. Hem hem.

[suicidal elf chick]

lol, weirdos

*Gandalf comes back to Bag End*
Gandalf: Frodo, where is the ring?
Frodo: What ring?
Gandalf: The ring Bilbo gave you!
Frodo: Oh, that ring.
*he walks over to an overflowing garbage can and stands on a nearby table*
Frodo: Good bye, Gandalf. If I don't return, burn this house and everything in it, including you.
*he jumps in*
Three days later
*Frodo pops out of the trash holding a moldy ring*
Frodo: Found it!

I wrote that in my parody, so you can't steal this or I'll track you down and kill you.

[ August 06, 2002: Message edited by: suicidal elf chick ]

[Aroaraniel]

Haha!

[Galadel Vinorel]

Ha-Ha!! LOL!! This is hilarious!! smilies/smile.gif smilies/cool.gif

[Ithiliel]

Arwen/Liv: If you want him, come and...
Nazgul: Argh (splash) shriiiiiek shriiiiiek bubble bubble (dissappears)
PJ: CUT! Who, exactly, is hiring the Nazguls anyways? This is the THIRD ONE we've lost in this scene. Liv, maybe you should say your lines faster?
Liv: I'll try...
PJ: TAKE 2!
Liv/Arwen: ifyouwanthimcomenandclaimhim!!!
PJ: Cut! Liv, we can't understand what you're saying now!
Liv: Well, what am I sposed to...
PJ: Right, I know it costs more, but this take we're using actual actors for the Nazguls, ok?
Caster: (muttering) I thought the extra hobbits would be good as Nazguls, but noooo, we've got to have ~actors~ that don't ~drown~...

[ August 16, 2002: Message edited by: Ithiliel ]

[Minyaharmawen]

HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA... Yuu get the point smilies/biggrin.gif smilies/tongue.gif smilies/biggrin.gif smilies/tongue.gif smilies/biggrin.gif

[Duramarthiel]

Gandalf- ... Mirrors only starlight and moonlight...

Gimli- The Jukebox of Moria!!!

Gandalf- *says repeated passwords* *throws staff*

Gimli- Blast it! Won't accept your quarter?

PJ- CUT!!!!! WHAT THE HECK ITS A DOOR!!

Me so funny. Not really that was rather stupid.

Elrond- The ring must be destroyed. One of you must do this.

*utter silence* *shuffled feet* *slight cough*

Elrond- I said one of you must do this.

*crickets chirp*

[ August 18, 2002: Message edited by: Duramarthiel ]

[Gamgee]

those are great!!
(1)
*Ringwraiths are about to attack hobbits at weathertop* *Aragorn comes up with a sword and starts fighting nazgul*
Aragorn: hullo!! my name is Inigo Montoya, you killed my father, prepare to die!!
Ringwraiths: *confused looks*
Pj: *rolls eyes* CUT! ok, Aragorn, first of all, you're not Inigo Montoya, you're Aragorn, son Of Arathorn ruler of Gondor and all that wonderful stuff, secondly, they didn't kill your father, ok? work with me here!
Aragorn: scuuuuuuuse me, trying to bring some humor to the movie but noooooooo everything has to be ~dramatic~
Pj: *shakes head*
(2)
*Frodo just got stabbed at weathertop* *Sam comes running to him*
Sam: Mr. Frodo!! Mr. Frodo!! no don't die Mr. Frodo!! *starts to cry*
Frodo: *looks over at Sam* *cracks up laughing* hahaha!! you should have seen your face!! *mimics him* ~mr. froooodo mr. froooooodo~ AHAHAHAHA!!
Sam: *punches frodo in the arm and walks away*
Frodo: ahahahaha!!!
PJ: CUT!

(3)
*Arwen comes upon Aragorn and the hobbits heading towords Rivendell on her horse looking all white and giving off a certain glow*
Arwen: I am Arwen..do not be af..*BONK* AHH!! *she hits her head on a low tree branch* WHO PUT THAT THERE!!
Hobbits: *die laughing*
Arwen: you think it's funny!! *starts chasing little hobbits around with Asfaloth and her sword*
Pj: CUT CUT CUT!! *sighs very loudly* I'm surrounded by idiots...

well, that was the best I could do.

[Eomer of the Rohirrim]

Viggo: If by life or death I can save you I will. You will have my swor....Hey! My sword's dirty! Who the....

PJ: Cut! What is wrong Viggo?

Viggo: There's a huge mark on my sword! I will not have this!

Sean B: Uh...guys, that's my blood from earlier. I thought you cleaned it!

Viggo: Your blood? Oh God! *drops sword* I just can't stand the sight of it!

PJ: Jesus...

[Starbreeze]

OMG! They are so funny! *wipes away a tear of mirth* wow!

[Marileangorifurnimaluim]

*Frodo stands with ring in outstretched hand. (long musical interlude)*

*Frodo continues to stand with ring in outstretched hand. (tears flow)*

*Frodo still stands with ring in outstretched hand. (music shifts to upbeat positive note)*

*Frodo still stands with ring in outstretched hand. (Crow flies by and snatches ring from Frodo.)

Frodo: HEY!!!!!

PJ: CUT! Damn! Props!!!! Get another ring!! Third one today.

*******

Press release: an unknown is cast in the role of Samwise. While actors such as Sean Astin have expressed interest in the role, Peter Jackson explains that the role of Sam "just can't be played by someone the audience is familiar with" from such roles as Rudy. The name of the actor chosen for this key part is yet to be announced.

Shooting begins..
*Samwise disappears under water, Elijah holds out his hand. (bubbles stop)*

*voice off-camera*: Uh-oh.

PJ: Man, am I glad I went with an unknown.

Press release: the role of Samwise has been recast! Says Sean Astin "I'm really surprised they called me at such a late date. They must have been really impressed with my audition." Studio sources report "we really need the name recognition that an actor of Sean's calibre can generate." An unnamed source on location states, "Dude, let's just say there was this one scene where the other guy just didn't work out."

[ August 19, 2002: Message edited by: Marileangorifurnimaluim ]

[Rec the Hedgehog]

(Boromir is trying to take the ring from Frodo)

Boromir: It should be mine! Give it to me!

Frodo: No! NEVER! (Puts ring on but nothing happens) D*MN! (Smashes the ring aganst a tree) Word dang it!

PJ: We need some "AA" over here!

[Salix]

On Weathertop:
*Frodo wakes up*
Other Hobbits: blah blah blah
Frodo: What are you doing?
Merry: Sausages, tomatoes and nice crispy bacon.
Sam: We save some for you Mr. Frodo.
Frodo: Put it out, you fools, put it out!
*Frodo stomps on fire*
Frodo: OOOOOOOOOOWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!!!!!! OH **** THAT HURT!
*Frodo starts hopping around on one foot*
Hobbits:*giggle*

[Rosseiliantiel]

*Gandalf standing facing the Balrog*
Gandalf:
You cannot pass! I am a servant of the Secret Fire, weilder of the flame of Anor.You cannot pass. The dark fire will not avail you, flame of Udun. Go back to the Shadow, YOU SHALL NOT PASS!

*whams staff down into the bridge, the staff breaks*

Sh*T!

[Jeli Baggins]

*These parts actually weren't taken out of the movie! They just didn't say anything about it*

((((Aragorn and the 4 hobbits are just setting out from The Prancing Pony. The 4 hobbits are about to settle down and have second breakfast, when u see Aragorn srunch up his face as if he just smelled the most horrible stench ever produced.
Off-set, PJ is talking with Fran Walsh.
PJ: Did Viggo just let one go?
FW: I think so, but it's a natural thing, and besides, I don't think anyone will notice.))))

hahahah! well i did, and u guys can see that next time u watch it! lol

((((The fellowship is running over The Bridge of Khazad Dum. You see Boromir swoosh his arm behind his back.
Off-set, PJ is once again talking with Fran Walsh.
PJ: Do you smell anything unusual?
FW: Well besides the lack of deoderant and fumes from the paint, it does smell similar to that time when Viggo "let one go". And Sean did just look like he was trying to swoosh away a smell.
PJ: oh well, no one will notice.

I noticed it! haha but of course I also have no life. smilies/rolleyes.gif smilies/tongue.gif

ok. well, that's all i could do. by the way, those other 1's were so0o0oo00o funny!!!! smilies/biggrin.gif

[Lothiriel Silmarien]

Jeli, that's hilarious!!! Me and Catherine are laughing hysterically! Yeah, I noticed when Viggo scrunched his face, right before the 'elevenses, second breakfast, etc. scene'. smilies/wink.gif smilies/biggrin.gif

[Jeli Baggins]

haha glad u liked it, my friend Christine and I noticed those two times when we watched it over her house, and we came to the conclusion that all the main human characters farted in the movie. smilies/eek.gif smilies/tongue.gif

[Calenminiel]

*Frodo standing on thte road*
Frodo:"I think we should get off the road"
Frodo:"GET OFF THE ROAD!"
*Frodo, Sam , Pip, Merry hide un der tree roots, as Nazgùl comes*
*Nazgùl leans over the top roots*
Nazgùl:"AHH!"
*Nazgùl falls over the ledge and hears V. loud SNAP!*
Nazgùl:"OOOOOWWWW!!!
"PJ:"D*MN!That's the fourth Nazgùl this week!"
********************************************
Well i tried...:P
HEHEHEHEHEHEHEHE...u guys come up with purty good stuff!!!V. funny!!!

[Eomer of the Rohirrim]

In Bree. Ringwraiths ride into gate. Gate doesn't fall down.
"We need stronger horses guys, and, um, get some extra Ringwraiths, these ones are knocked out..."

[Nevfeniel]

At the fords of Bruinen:
Arwen: If you want him, come and claim him!
Ringwraiths try crossing, and Arwen does her little spell-thing. Instead of running down the river (which they do in the movie, which doesn't make sense), the Ringwraiths just go back to the shore.
Arwen: D*amn! YOU STUPID BLACK RIDERS! HAVEN'T YOU EVER HEARD OF THE PHRASE GO WITH THE FLOW?!?!?!?!? *mutters* Morons.

[Kithrèna Greenarrow Legolas]

*Laughing her guts out* THIS IS *HAHAHA* ABSOLUTELY *HEHEHEHE* POSITIVELY *HOHOHOHO* HULLIERUS!!! *Faints from lack of oxygen*
____
*Aragorn, Frodo, Pippin, Marry, Gimli, Legolas, Sam & Boromir are going through the forrest of the lady and they get ambushed by the other Elves*
Legolas: *Holding the bow&arrow but acidently lets the arrow fly*
Elf he was aiming at: *Falls to the ground*
PJ: BLOOM!!! THATS THE 18NTH ONE IN THE LAST HOUR!
Legolas/Orlando Bloom: Well, perhpas if you'd quit casting the guy I'm aiming at with somebody I hate, I woulden't have these little 'Mishaps'!!!

Cave Troll: *Stabs Frodo with the spear*
Frodo*Falls to the ground*
Wardobe director: This aint good
PJ: *sigh* What now?
Wardobe Director: His Mithrel armor JUST came back from the dry cleaners

*Arwens running from the Ringwraiths and starts running across the river. Her horse trips and spills her and Frodo out into the water*
Frodo: I needed a bath...
Arwen: EITHER GET A HORSE THAT WONT TRIP OR I QUIT!
PJ: Why Me???

Thats all I can come up awith at 12:30 at night...Proubably come bak with more tommrrow...

[ August 29, 2002: Message edited by: Kithrèna Greenarrow Legolas ]

[VanimaEdhel]

*Rolls over and over laughing really hard* Owww! Owww! My stomach hurts now! *Laughs some more and wheasingly stops and starts to pant*

--------------------------------

Scene: When Boromir runs down the stairs in Khazad-dum and almost falls.
Legolas/Orlando: *Runs to catch him like he is supposed to, but trips on a stair, crashing into Boromir/SeanB. and they both go tumbling into a fiery chasm, both being burned to a crisp.*
PJ: Special effects! The fire is supposed to be fake! God! We've lost more Legoli (my plural of Legolas) that way!

Gandalf/Ian: YOU SHALL NOT PASS! *He slams the staff down* OWWWWW! DANG! That HURTS! I think I broke my hand!

Gandalf/Ian: BILBO BAGGINS! DO NOT TAKE ME FOR SOME...ummm...erm...line?
PJ: Ian! We've been over this! *Shows him the script*
Gandalf/Ian: Right...got it...okay: BILBO BAGGINS! DO NOT TAKE ME FOR SOME CONJUROR OF CHEAP TRICKS! I AM NOT TRYING TO EAT YOU...
PJ: CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUT!
Gandalf/Ian: But I'm hungry! Isn't it time for elevenses?

[Samwise_Gamgee]

roflmao! Boy you peeps have some imangination! Let me try one:

*The hobbits are running through Farmer Maggot's crops...they fall down the hill*

Merry: OW! I THINK I'VE BROKEN SUMTHING!

*After that scene the hobbits go to their trailers for the coming scene, Dom still laying on the road whimpering*

Dom: I'VE REALLY BROKEN SUMTHING!

The other actors: What is it this time?

Pj: Oh for pete sake! Now we have to wait another month or so to shoot the next scene!

[VanimaEdhel]

Elrond/Hugo: You have only one choice: the ring must be destroyed.
Gimli/John: Then what are we waiting for?! *Runs over and raises the axe...brings it down...and breaks the ring in two* Oops!
PJ: Cuuuuuuuut!

Bilbo/Ian: Oh-M-my old ring. Oh! I sh-should very much like - to hold it again, one last time.
Frodo/Elijah: *begins to buttun up his shirt again*
Bilbo/Ian: *Does the freaky little demonic thing that he does in the movie, but accidentally knocks into Frodo/Elijah, pushing him over the balcony and breaking his back...but he lives! Don't worry*
Orlando: *Runs onto the set* Hey! Don't copy me!

[Nevfeniel]

Orlando: *Runs onto the set* Hey! Don't copy me! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. . . HA!

[ September 01, 2002: Message edited by: Nevfeniel ]

[VanimaEdhel]

*Curtsies and says in her best Elvis voice* Thank you, thank you very much!

[ September 01, 2002: Message edited by: VanimaEdhel ]

[Tigerlily Gamgee]

Scene: Return of the King (not yet released...), Sam fights Frodo.

Sam: "Mr. Frodo"
He runs over to where Frodo is lying coiled in Spider web. He goes for Sting but trips over his own two feet in the process and cookery tumbles all over the place, hitting Frodo on the head and waking him from the "dead"....
Frodo: "Sean! OW!"
*CUT!*
Shelob: "Can we get on with this... I need to be on the set of 'Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets' in a few hours..."

[Tigerlily Gamgee]

Ah, yes, we've all realized now that what I meant to say was "Sam fights Shelob"!
*slaps forhead*

[Rosseiliantiel]

What's that?
This, my friend, is a pine!
They come in pines? I'm getting one!
You've already got half a pine right there!
PJ: OK, CUT! It is not 'pine', it is PINT!
Merry: Tha's what we said, PINE...
PJ: Pine-TTTT!!!! PINT!
Merry: Oooh...
Pippin: I'm confused, pine? Isn't that what we were---
All: FOOL OF A TOOK!

[Samwise_Gamgee]

*At the cave troll scene when Pippin stabbed the troll in the back and forced the troll's head up, Legolas accendently shoots Pippin*

Peter Jackson: Dang!

Billy/Pippin: OW OW OW!

Orlando/Legolas: Oh sorry Pippin...I didn't mean to..*Merry/Dom jumps on Legolas*

Dom/Merry: YOU SHOT MY GOOD FRIEND BILLY AGAIN ORLANDO!

Elijah/Frodo: *looks up from where he 'died'* Aww c'mon Orlando just made a mistake...again Dom, nothing a little band-aid couldn't cure. Besides it's hard to shoot at something that isn't even there!

*All the rest nod their heads*

Billy/Pippin: OW OW OW!

(lame it is, I know)


smilies/rolleyes.gif smilies/rolleyes.gif smilies/redface.gif

[Nimrothiel]

Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha hahahahahahahahaha!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Priceless! This is one of the best topics in the forum! And here are my little contributions to this topic:

*Gandalf on bridge in Moria facing Balrog*

Gandalf: YOU...SHALL NOT...PASS! (slams staff down, bridge breaks on the WRONG side)

Gandalf: ****! (falls into pit)

(Balrog stares into pit for a moment, looks straight at camera)

Balrog: Uh, does this mean that we're done shooting for the day?

Peter Jackson: CUT!!!

*Fellowship at the entrance to the Mines*

Aragorn: The Mines are no place for a pony.

Sam: Good-bye, Bill. (brief silence, Sam repeats himself a bit louder) Good-bye, Bill. (Bill doesn't move) GOOD-BYE, BILL! (Bill still doesn't move) COME ON YA STUPID JACK***, MOVE!! (Bill still doesn't move)

Peter Jackson: CUT!

*Just after the Fellowship begins to travel through the Mines*

(Gandalf takes out his rock for his staff, drops it into a pool of water that is much deeper than it looks)

Gandalf: ****! Hey, Pippin! Go and get that for me, will ya?

(Pippin jumps into the pool, rapidly sinks to the bottom)

Merry(half an hour later): Er, shouldn't we see if he needs help?

Entire Fellowship: Nah, give him five more minutes.

Peter Jackson: CUT!!!!


I actually feel sorry for Pippin now. (I would have waited 20 minutes!)

smilies/evil.gif

[Artanis]

At the Prancing Pony
Aragorn:*whips back hood, gets fingers tangled in dirty hair, takes five mins to get it out while Orlando giggles and waves a bottle of pantene pro-v off camera. They end up having to cut his fingers out, and he goes through the rest of the movie with even worse hair than before.*
Arugh... that sux, but it's late, I'm tired, and I just realized I have to go print something out or fail English... kinda ironic for someone who spends all her time obsessing about books, itn't it...

[ December 10, 2002: Message edited by: Artanis ]

[Konarmi]

ahhaahhaahah!!

[Pookabunny]

Weathertop:

Aragorn, ready to throw his flaming stick at the witchking, stops to pick his massive wedgie smilies/evil.gif

[Nimrothiel]

ROFL! How about this, instead of Pippin just barely missing the manure, his face lands smack dab in the middle of it.

*At weathertop*

Aragorn: Ringwraiths! Defend yourselves!

Ringwraith: Bagginsssssss...Bagginssss...you...ssssstole...my. ..lunch...

PJ: CUT!!

This one is based on a scene from the book:

*Bilbo's Party*

Bilbo: I'm leaving now, good-bye.

(flash of light, shriek, Bilbo appears with his hair on fire)

Bilbo(running around in circles: Aaaah! Ooooowwwww! Help! Help! Aaaiiieee! I'll get you for this Gandalf!!!!

Gandalf: Oops. (walks away whistling nonchalantly)

Okay, that's enough, my brain hurts. smilies/frown.gif

[VanimaEdhel]

Elrond: The ring cannot be destroyed, Gimli, son of Gloin, by any craft that we here possess [...] It must be cast into the fiery chasm from whence it came...
*Elijah starts giggling hysterically*
Peter: CUT! What is it NOW Elijah?
Elijah: He said "whence"...heehee...

(Okay, so that's actually my response every time I see the movie...)

[Garen LiLorian]

ROFL! My humble contribution.

*Frodo dashing for the ferry, Nazgul in hot pursuit. He jumps, barely makes it. Nazgul's horse stops short, Nazgul pitches over its head to land on his back in the ferry.*
Nazgul; Uhhh... Ha ha ha! *tries to take Ring from Frodo* Ooh. Ouch. D*mn, I think I hurt my back. Can we get a cut here? *all hobbits start laughing*
PJ; Cut!!!

*the gatekeeper looks through his peephole. His eyes widen, and he starts to scream. Shot of the wall. There is a thud, and the wall shakes, but doesn't fall down.*
Nazgul; &*$#(#(%$&^#!
PJ; Cut!

*Lurtz and Aragorn are fighting. Lurtz plucks the dagger from his leg and sends is spinning at Aragorn, who swings desperately.*
Viggo; Ah! (Thump) OWW!! Godam*it! (holds bleeding nose) A little slower, please?!
Lurtz; Sorry.
PJ: Oh, for... Cut!

[ElentariGreenleaf]

Frodo: No Sam. Not this time. I'm going to Mordor alone!

Sam: Of corse you are. I'll just go back a help the others then. Good luck.

Frodo (to self): I didn't mean it ya no.

[dragoneyes]

What's the matter with 'whence' Vanima?

*Aragorn is randomly swinging his sword, hitting anything and everything*
PJ: Cut! That was perfect
*Viggo continues swinging, and swinging, and swinging, aind swinging...*
PJ: I SAID CUT! Watch where you're swinging that thing!
*swinging continues*
PJ: Viggo! STOP!
*viggo continues swinging and, yelling with every strike, kills everyone on the set. An hour later he stops*
Viggo: Sorry, got a bit carried away there.

Hey, so it's not that good, but it's original!

[ElentariGreenleaf]

hehehe. Good one dragoneyes! Still love the avatar!

Frodo: What happened, Gandalf? Why didn't you meet us?
Gandalf: Oh, I'm sorry Frodo. I was delayed.
*Gandalf stares into mid air and Frodo looks towards P.J in a "what's he doing" kinda way*
Three hours later everyone has left.
*cricket*

Ok. So that was bad. Lets try this:

Merry: How do we know this Strider is a friend of Gandalf?
Frodo: Well, this letter the Innkeeper gave me is from Gandalf and it says here how to identify Aragorn...
P.J.: CUT!!! I thought I told you to stay away from that book!!!!! AMATEURS! smilies/mad.gif

[VanimaEdhel]

Pippin: Well, after pondering it to a great extend, I came to the decisive conclusion that you will be needing people of great brain-power for this quaint undertaking of yours...
PJ: *gives him a funny look, but they continue*
Merry: Well, that rules you...in...Pip...?
Elrond: So it shall be, the Fellowship of Ring.
Pippin: Excellent choice of names, my dear companion. Will you again remind me of where we are travelling?
PJ: CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUT!

Just would not have worked that way, I tell you...