old saws

[mark12_30]

Any old saw will do, but let's start with:
Why did the chicken cross the road? ...
Aragorn: Let the guide go first, if you have one.
Saruman: He comes to Isengard seeking My Counsel.
Boromir: It was a plain road, though it led through a hedge of thorns.
Eowyn: More than anything else he feared a cage.
Bilbo: The road goes ever on...
Frodo: The chicken could have waited til Bilbo's birthday before he set off.
Sam: Chicken and Chips by S. Gamgee-- you couldn't say no to that.
Gollum: Give me chicken now, and keep nassty chips.

[Estelyn Telcontar]

(Reference material for those excellent answers: The Chicken (http://forum.barrowdowns.com/cgi-bin/ultimatebb.cgi?ubb=get_topic&f=14&t=000605))

[Estelyn Telcontar]

No reason to delete this - it's a great idea that goes in quite a different direction. I just thought you'd enjoy reading that thread! Actually, it could go in Mayhem...

Anyway, I will try to add here as soon as I think of something good!

[mark12_30]

Okay. Here's a few more for Why did the chicken cross the road:
Barliman: He's one o' them rangers.
Merry: I have seen them, Frodo! I have seen the black chickens!

Legolas: Ai! Ai! A chicken! A chicken is come!
Gandalf: A chicken... what an evil fortune. And I am already weary.

Celeborn: Tell me, where is the chicken, for I greatly desire to speak with him.
Aragorn (or Galadriel): He has fallen into Shadow...

Eomer: To learn courtesy under the loving strokes of a dwarf's axe...

[ November 22, 2002: Message edited by: mark12_30 ]

[The Necromancer]

lol these have really been funny, Mark12! I especially like Celeborn's!!!!
Here's just a few I could come up with, they're not quite as funny though:
Why did the chicken cross the road?
Sam: "He wanted to see the elves!"
Haldir (in a very solemn voice): "The Lady of the Wood was expecting him."
Saruman: "Sauron wanted him to build an army worthy of Mordor."
Gimli: "He didn't want to pass through the mines of Moria."
The rest of these don't really answer the question but just thought I'd post 'em anyway!!! smilies/smile.gif
Ringwraith: "Give up the chicken, She Elf!"
Strider: "Chickens from Dunland! Hide!"
Boromir: "One does not simply want into Mordor. Its' Black Gates are guarded by more than just orcs. There are chickens there that do not sleep!!!!"
Saruman: "Moria! You fear to go into those mines. The dwarves delved too greedily and too deep. You know what they awoke in the deep places: shadow and CHICKENS!"
"Saruman: "Hunt them down! You do not know pain; you do not know fear! You shall taste fried chicken!"
smilies/smile.gif smilies/smile.gif smilies/smile.gif smilies/smile.gif smilies/smile.gif

[hobbitlass]

oh my gosh, I've tasted fried chicken! smilies/eek.gif Does that make me an Uruk-hai?! HaHa that was great. Let's see....

[Kalimac]

Wow, these are good. I don't think we'll be changing saws for a while smilies/smile.gif.

Eowyn: It wished to cross another road. But it desired no man's pity.

Faramir: Do not scorn the chicken that is the gift of a gentle heart.

Ugluk: Because I, Ugluk, commanded it.

Gandalf: The chicken crossed the road? Then he has indeed left the path of wisdom.

Bilbo: To get away from the Sackville-Bagginses!


Sorry, these are kind of lame. Ah well.

[Diamond18]

This is really funny! I like the different answers for the "old saw" but some of these (i.e. the ones that don't answer the question but insert chicken in somehow) fit in with another thread, the Argyle Socks!!!! (http://forum.barrowdowns.com/cgi-bin/ultimatebb.cgi?ubb=get_topic&f=17&t=000217) thread. It hasn't had a new word in a while.

[mark12_30]

Why did the chicken cross the road...
Movie Pippin: Because we need someone with intelligence on this mission... quest... thing.
Farmer Maggot: Because he's been in my crops! (waving scythe)
Movie Frodo: I think he should get out of the road... get out of the road!
Book Pippin: Ho Ho Ho, to the bottle he goes...
Elrond: He may find friends upon his way when he least looks for it.

[Diamond18]

Why did the chicken cross the road?

Movie Aragorn: Because he was tracking a band of Uruk-hai westward across the plains.

Tom Bombadil: Because I told him to, derry dol.

Movie Arwen: Because he wanted Frodo, and had to come and claim him.

Gandalf: Because he was meant to cross the road.

Thorin: Because he must away ere break of day.

Boromir: Because he had a riddle that needed answering. He dreamed that a giant wave engulfed his chiken coop, and a voice clucked, "Seek for the egg that was broken, across the road it lies."

[mark12_30]

Arwen: Because there is now no ship that will carry him hence.

Movie Elrond: He is dying- the chicken is dying. His life-force is tied to the road.

Gimli-- A chicken will go underground and a dwarf dare not?

Denethor: Chicken! Abandon your post and flee for your life!

[Vuelve]

"Seek for the egg that was broken, across the road it lies."
LOL!!

Bilbo:Because he didn't know half of us half as well as he would've liked, and he liked less than half of us half as well as we deserved!

Gandalf:Because he was a fool of a chick!

Galadriel:Even the wisest cannot tell; for a chicken does many things.

Peace,
Vuelve

[Lady Snickerdoodle]

Galadriel:Even the wisest cannot tell; for a chicken does many things.

*faints from laughing too much*

Gimli: Well then, he was wasted on crossing roads. Those chickens are natural born sprinters!

Legolas: He has gone to fetch the sun. (hmm, i forget the actual quote, close enough)

Nazgul: Foolish chicken! He can cross the road, but we will never stop hunting him.

[Firefoot]

These are great!

Nazgûl: The Ring draws it.

Ghân-buri-Ghân: He went to drive away bad air with bright iron beak.

Barliman Butterbur: Chickens? Now what does that remind me of?

Bilbo: It's a dangerous business for chickens to be crossing roads.

[dancing spawn of ungoliant]

:D
Ok, why did the chicken cross the road? (something from RotK movie)

Aragorn: What does your heart tell you?
Sméagol: Up, up, up, up, up the stairs the chicken goes, until he comes to...the tunnel.
Merry: I don't know... I don't know what's going to happen.

Elrond: I looked into the chicken's future and I saw death.
Arwen: But there is also life. You saw there was a chicken! You saw my chicken!

Gandalf: The board is set. The pieces are moving.
Aragorn: Gondor calls for aid!
Théoden: I told Gamling to make haste across the Riddermark and summon every able-bodied chicken to Dunharrow.

[Luthien_ Tinuviel]

Aragorn: Where now are the horse and the chicken?

Movie Frodo: What are we holding on to, Sam?
Movie Sam: That there's some chicken in this world, Mr. Frodo, and it's worth fighting for!

Aragorn: If it was known that chickens could cross roads, all the hunters in Middle-earth would be riding to the hen house.

Frodo: Because it knew that if it touched me again, it should be cast itself into the Grill of Doom!

[Nilpaurion Felagund]

Fëanor: Come away! Let the ducks keep this coop!

Movie Arwen: Si peliannen i vâd na dail lîn. Si boe ú-dhannathach ['It is already laid before your feet. You cannot falter now.]

[Evisse the Blue]

Fëanor: Come away! Let the ducks keep this coop!
Brilliant! lol!

Legolas: I have not the heart to tell you. For me the grief is still to near. (I was hoping for chicken soup.)
Boromir: To get to Minas Tirith where all the action is, and where we all must go!
Frodo: What does it matter? It is gone and now all is dark and empty!

*shortage of immagination - I'll leave it up to others

[Maeggaladiel]

Legolas- The red dawn. Chicken Soup has been spilled this night.

Gandalf- He was fried by the balrog and was returning as Chicken the White. He was comign to Helm's Deep at the turning of the tide.

Pippin- He was taking a shortcut
Sam- A shortcut to what?
Merry- MUSHROOMS!

Bilbo- Because the road goes ever on and on...

Elrond- Pray Chicken remember the words of the Cnl. Sanders, and the Pathways of the Extra Crispy.

Aragorn- It was a dream.
Arwen- Then it was an extra crispy dream.

Elrond- Because there was nothing left for him here but death and eleven secret herbs and spices. In two flavors- Original Recipe and Extra Crispy.

Poor Glorfindel- Ask Peter Jackson. The chicken probably replaced Tom Bombadil.

Those were dumb.. Oh well.
MAEG!

[Nilpaurion Felagund]

Fingon: Oh King, to whom all birds are dear, speed now a chicken delivery, extra crispy with much gravy, for I am now hungry.

Gollum (chasing the chicken): What has it got in its pocketses?

Tom Bombadil: Eh, what?

[dancing spawn of ungoliant]

Why did the chicken cross the road?

Gollum: Musn't ask us. Not his business. Gollum! Gollum!
Grima: A just question, my liege. Late is the hour in which this chicken chooses to appear.
Aragorn: He is only doing what he thinks is best for his swarm.

[Lhunardawen]

Saruman: Because clearly its love of the Halflings' weed has slowed its mind.

Legolas: (To create) a diversion.

Galadriel: The world is changing. It can feel it in the water...

[Mad Baggins]

Why did the chicken cross the road?

Boromir: The doom of KFC has come at last.

Gandalf: I do not know, but the wings were guided by one purpose.

Legolas: It is said that the asphalt is healing to the weary.

Sam: What he saw turned out true, and now the farmer's going to catch it hot!

[Lhunardawen]

Gandalf: To have One Chicken to rule them all, One Chicken to find them, One Chicken to bring them all and at the other side of the road bind them.

Elrond: This is its test...every path it has trod through, through wilderness, through war...has led it to this road. (I don't remember the exact lines, sorry!

[mark12_30]

Gandalf: I've sent him to his death.

[Evisse the Blue]

Movie Gandalf: Don't mention Frodo, or the chicken. In fact it's better you don't peep at all, Peregrin Took!

[mark12_30]

Some movie-onlies:

Gimli: He was fleeing from the enchantress of Lorien.

Haldir: The chicken breathes so loudly we could have shot him in the dark.

Haldir: You bring great evil here, chicken.

Galadriel: He has fallen into Shadow.

Celeborn: Seldom will they travel by day, yet this chicken has done so.


Galadriel: Do we let the chicken stand alone?

Aragorn: I sent the chicken to call for reinforcements. Gondor will answer.

[dancing spawn of ungoliant]

Legolas: The stars are veiled. Something stirs in the East…a sleepless chicken.

Pippin: How far is Minas Tirith?
Gandalf: Three days' ride, as the Chicken flies, and you better hope we don't have one of those on our tail.

[Lady Snickerdoodle]

(movies)
Galadriel: He has passed into the west...
or
Galadriel: He would have been made to stand on the edge of a knife.

[Lily Bombadil]

Why did the chicken cross the road?

Barliman: I don't rightly know, but Nob might. Where is that woolly-footed duffer?

Eowyn: Because he no longer desired death and winning renown.

Legolas: To find the sea... *dreamy eyes*

Gimli: To find his cousin Balin.

Nienor Niniel: To marry its immediate sibling! Oh, Eru! *leaps into Teiglin...again*

The Butcher: To get away from meeeee!!!!!! Ah, ha, ha, ha, ha!!!!!!!!!!!!

(Sorry, that last one just needed to be there)

[mark12_30]

Denethor: My chicken! Faramir should have gone in his stead.

(I'm a big Boromir fan, I felt guilty typing that!)

Faramir: Because Osgiliath is overrun. The orcs hold the Western Shore.

(more guilt!)

Gandalf: He must go by another road; he must look to the River, and the black fleet.

Aragorn: Because the Beacons are lit! Gondor calls for aid!

Theoden: Muster the chickens.

Eomer: Oaths he has taken, to lord and land!

Eowyn: The men have found their chicken; they will follow him into the frying pan, and into the fire.

Legolas: Have you learned nothing of the stubbornness of chickens?

[Lily Bombadil]

Gimli: Never thought I'd die fighting side by side with a chicken.

Legolas: What about side by side with a pigeon?

Gimli: Yeah, they don't taste as good. I could do that.

~~~

Witch King: Fool! Do not come between the Nazgul and his chicken! Roost now!

~~~

Why did the chicken cross the road?

Faramir: NAZGUL!!!

Exactly.

I've been trying to think of another old saw for you, Master Mark, but nothing's come yet.

[Lily Bombadil]

I hate to post twice in a row, but at least 'tis not thrice. 'Tis merely that Ungoliant's Dancing Spawn hath inspired me so...

Why didst thou chicken cross the road?

Theoden: Because he would not bring further death to his people.

Eowyn: He had no warning. He was unarmed. And now the wildmen are moving through the the Tyson Farms, burning as they go. Rick, cot, and chicken house...

Theoden(again): His leechcraft would have had me bobbing my head like a chicken!

(I'm from one of the US chicken capitals, so...yeah.)

[Lhunardawen]

Denethor: My chicken! Faramir should have gone in his stead.

But Boromir is not a chicken! :D :rolleyes:

mark12_30 , is it time for a new old saw? Because if it is, I've got one for you:

Why do birds fly south?

Quite similar, huh?

Gandalf: Because I told him to fly, you fool!

(Thanks to Nilpaurion Felagund for this old saw... :) )

[mark12_30]

Lhunardawen, good idea. I'd been drawing a blank. Thanks for the new old saw.

Why do birds fly south?

Legolas: To the Sea, to the Sea...

[Estelyn Telcontar]

To flee from the Balrogs - the birds, after all, do have wings, and they can use them too...

[The Saucepan Man]

Why did the chicken cross the road?

Why indeed, when Gandalf told him to stick to the path.

Why do birds fly south?

Film Legolas (in Rohan): They head for Isengard!

[dancing spawn of ungoliant]

Why do birds fly south?

Gandalf: I'll be waiting for them, at the Inn of the Prancing Pony.
Saruman: Their love of the halfling’s leaf has clearly slowed their minds.

Merry: What? They're taking just a detour, a shortcut.
Sam: A shortcut to what?
Pippin: To mushrooms!

[Lhunardawen]

Movie Legolas: Crebain from Dunland!
HIDE!!!

[Elennar Starfire]

Here's another one to try!

What's black and white and red all over?

Many apologies if it's not the right time, or if that's a dumb one.

[The Saucepan Man]

What's black and white and red all over? The Red Book of Westmarch. :D

[mark12_30]

A guard of the Citadel in the thick of battle.

Eeew.

[mark12_30]

Why do birds fly south?

To rescue hobbits from volcanoes.

[Luthien_ Tinuviel]

Movie Treebeard: Because they always liked going south. Somehow it feels like going downhill....

[Mad Baggins]

Marvelous, Saucepan.

mark12_30, you have inspired me with that Gondor idea...

What's black and white and red all over?

A Guard of the Citadel in a blender.

[Maeggaladiel]

Continuing on that line of thought-

*What's black and white and red all over?*

The guard of the Citadel with a bad allergic reaction.

Heh heh! Wait, that wasn't funny... Oh well. Humor me. It's my birthday!
-MAEG

PS- I like the new tree icon!

[Thorongil]

What's black and white and red all over?
Saruman's beard after a spraypainting by M&P. :D :p

[Incanus]

Gandalf: What is black and white and red all over?

Sam: Please Mr. Gandalf, don't turn me into anything...unnatural!

[Lhunardawen]

What is black and white and red all over?

Sam: Po-ta-toes!

Right. :D

[Nilpaurion Felagund]

Why do birds fly south?

Legolas: You neither need borrow a horse or be troubled by one.

What's black and white and red all over?

Halbarad put catsup all over Aragorn's banner.

[Maeggaladiel]

What's black and white and red all over?
PJ's script.

Why do birds fly south?
They're reporting to Isengard, of course!

Meh heh heh!
MAEG!

[Mad Baggins]

We are sick, sick people. ;)

What's black and white and red all over?

Orthanc with a Canadian flag on it!

[Lhunardawen]

Halbarad put catsup all over Aragorn's banner.

How about the Mouth of Sauron squirting mayonnaise all over Barad-dur's banner? :D

[mark12_30]

Oooooo-kay, let's try a new one... (eeeew.) :p

How about:

To the house of a friend,
the road is never long.

[Maeggaladiel]

To the house of a friend,
The road is never long.

Bilbo- Except when the Road goes ever on and on...

Oh great, not the singing again!!!!
~Maeg

[Nilpaurion Felagund]

To the house of a friend,
the road is never long.

10. Sauron: It's long. Yes, it's long. *starts walking to the void*
9. Túrin: What friend? I killed 'em all!
8. Fatty: As long as they have mushroom for supper.
7. Bilbo: But never leave without a pocket-handkerchief.
6. Finrod: Though I wish it weren't so. Drat you, Beren!

__________________

Brain lag! The rest of the list later...this year.

[mark12_30]

Smeagol: Smeagol will lead you on safe paths through the mist. Follow Smeagol.

Boromir:
Long have I wandered by roads forgotten.

Bilbo:
If that was worth a journey of a hundred and ten days to hear, you had best listen to it.

[Esgallhugwen]

To the house of a friend,
the road is never long.

Treebeard: Don't be hasty!
Galadriel: I cannot tell you what path to take, or what is right or wrong that is for you to decide. (*Can't remember exact quote :confused: *)

[Lhunardawen]

Theoden and Aragorn: Really? Then why did it take us so long to reach Minas Tirith?

Denethor (whispers): Because I am not your friend. *sniff*

[Lily Bombadil]

I hate to revert, but I simply cannot believe no one posted this:

Whay do birds fly South?
Legolas: Something stirs in the East.

[Vuelve]

I'm reviving this thread because I like it.Anyway, I'm not sure this is an old saw.

The early bird gets the worm, but the early worm gets eaten.

Treebeard: If it would not have been so hasty it would not have been eaten.

[Lady Snickerdoodle]

Gollum: Iss it juicy? Iss it ssweet? Is it ssscrumptiously crunchable? :p
Sam: You'll make Mr. Frodo sick, eating it like that!
Gollum (again): Give it to us raw and wwwrrrriggling!

Legolas: One bite is enough to fill the stomach of a grown man!
Merry: so... how many did you eat? Pippin: *burp* umm... four?

Legolas: Would you like me to describe it? :eek: (ew.)

and legolas again.. my favorite quote ever!
Legolas: He was twitching. *nod*

haha this is a good one!

[mark12_30]

Gwaihir: "Or the Hobbit."

Wormtongue: "Un-claw me, Eagle!"

[The Saucepan Man]

Galadriel: Leave it out! Celeborn's not that bad.

:D

[Nilpaurion Felagund]

Túrin: So does that make me a bird?
Glaurung: I don't think so...


Post-mortem:
Sorry this took so long...

Top Ten replies to...
To the house of a friend,
the road is never long.

5. Gandalf: Tell me, friend, why is your house three hundred stories tall? With no elevator!
4. Olwë: What friend? They killed half my people!
3. Treebeard: There's this dormouse. He lives in my beard. He tickles me sometimes. Yep, he's my friend.
2. Frodo: Sam trashed my house. We're no longer friends.

And...
1. Bombadil: Eh, what?

[Lhunardawen]

Crebain from Dunland: ...or the Nine Walkers.

[Nilpaurion Felagund]

Sticks and stones may break my bones . . .

Théoden: . . . but it was my horse who killed me.

[mark12_30]

Good one, Nilp!!

Sticks and stones may break my bones--

Grima: "I told you to forbid his staff!"

[Zebedee]

Why did the chicken cross the road? and Why do birds fly south?

Pippen and Merry: They can search far and wide, they can drink the whole town dry, but they'll never find a beer so brown as the one we drink in our home town.

[Lhunardawen]

Saruman's minions in Isengard (movie): ...and they did. Dratted hobbits!!!

[mark12_30]

Sticks Ands Stones may break my bones-- especially those peices of Minas Tirith...

[Hookbill the Goomba]

Why did the chicken cross the road?

Elrond (Film): Chickens are a virus!

The early bird gets the worm,

Aragorn: Really? Well let Anduril speak!

Anduril: Hello!

[Zebedee]

Sticks and stones may break my bones

Frodo: But arrows shall never hurt me.
Ent: I don't have bones.

[The Saucepan Man]

Witch King: But no living man may hinder me.

[Nilpaurion Felagund]

Gollum: Don't hurt us with nasty cruel steel!

What?
What?!
What!?

[mark12_30]

Aragorn: "But wait'll you hear my list of names!"

[Nilpaurion Felagund]

Treebeard: Wait. Sticks are my bones.

[Lhunardawen]

Eol: But they didn't. The law of gravity did.

[mark12_30]

Frodo:

Sticks and stones may break my bones--
but this ring will break my heart.

[The Saucepan Man]

William Huggins: ... it makes 'em easier to chew on.

[Evisse the Blue]

Sticks and stones may break my bones,
Unless you're a troll -
then your bones will break sticks and stones
(and any unfortunate's limb that is used instead of a stick or a stone to break a troll's bone). :D

[THE Ka]

Yes, the title sounds like a pro-mo for a B-Movie but, i worked hard on this ok!!!

They all hurried forward, hobbits, chickens and ponies. Already half their weariness, sqawking and all their fears had fallen from them. Hey! Come merry chikies! rolled out the song to greet them.

hey! Come derry chickies! Hop along, my birdies!
Hobbits! chickens! Eggs all! We are fond of coup parties.
Now let the fun begin! Let us sqawk together!

or........

Then another chirpping voice, as chickeny and as feathery as Spring, like the song of a glad chick hopping down into the nest from a pecking morning in the hills, came falling like silver to meet them:

now let the chirpping begin! Let us chirp together
Of seed, grass, roads and crossing, eggs and cloudy weather,
Light on the hatching egg, dew on the feather,
Wind on the open barn coup, beeks in the heather,
Chicks by the shady pool, Hens splashing water:
Old Rooster Bombadil and the River-Hen Daughter!

hope you guys like... the last song did involve the whole chicken and crossing thing so, don't say i'm off topic. :p long live Chicken!

[mark12_30]

Cleverly done, Ka. You'll be competing with Sam on Troll songs next? "Sticks and stones..."

[THE Ka]

heh. i wish :rolleyes: ... But, i'm flat out of creative things (unlike Rooster Bombadil!!) today... Things didn't go so well today in general. So, i'll pass the chance up to someone else who has something amazing in mind.

Respectfully,

~The Little Old depressed Artist ka~

P.S. Thanks for the compliment. I don't hear them often.

[mark12_30]

I was driving home and thinking of Denethor. Movie flavored, this time.

Why did the chicken cross the road?

Saruman: He does not know fear, he does not know pain, he will eat man-flesh!

Eowyn: He fears a cage.

Grima: The Chicken has always been our friend and ally.

Saruman: You reek of chicken.

Theoden: He will be three hundred leagues north by now.

Why did the chicken cross the road?

Saruman: TO WAAAAAR!!!

Denethor: He seeks to supplant me!

Faramir: He brings the Steward a mighty gift.

[Pitchwife]

I'm afraid this will only be intelligible to my fellow Germans, but:

What's black and white and red all over?

The Witch-King wearing his Eintracht Frankfurt scarf!

[mark12_30]

Sticks and Stones may break my bones... Treebeard: Wait. Sticks are my bones.


Nilp, I am STILL grinning over that one. Bravo.