other movie scenes in LOTR

[Taure Leafsilver]

lets try taking famous movie sceanes and put LOTR chariters in the example:
((when the hobbits start traveling with aragorn before weathetop))
Pip: HEY! aragorn,frodo! watch this *he motions to sam and merry*
SAm Merry Pip:MAHA! MAHHa! BBBRRRR!MAHA! DO A SPLIT TWIST AND YELL RUN REAL FAST TO RIVENDELL!*the do a 3 stooges rutene*
Frodo:AHHAHAHAHAHHA!!!
Aragorn: Guys, be cool.
*sam pip ,merry stike "cool" poses

that's from Grease!

[Elenna]

Gatekeeper: Stop! You who would cross the Doors of Durin must answer me these questions three! WHAT is your name?

Gandalf: Gandalf, Mithrandir, Olorin...

Gatekeeper:WHAT is your quest?

Gandalf: To destroy the One Ring!

Gatekeeper: WHAT is your favorite color?

Gandalf: Gray! No, white! AAAAAAHHHHHH!

[Diamond18]

Haha! Monty Python, right? Love that scene!

Here's one from True Grit (not exactly scene for scene, but all I can think of at the moment):

Frodo (to Strider): "They tell me you're a man with true grit...I want a man with grit to help me destroy the ring and hunt down Tom Sauron, that nasty cur that killed a lotta people's fathers."

Strider: "That so, eh? Well, me and General Price here-" pats sword "-will think it over after a pint of genuine rectified busthead, aged in a keg. Want a drink?"

Frodo: "I will not put a thief in my mouth to steal my brains."

Strider: "Looks like your friends over there did, though."

He points to Pippin, Sam and Merry with Butterbur.

Butterbur: "Would you like some chicken and dumplings?"

Sam: "Might as well, though I can't see twenty-five cents in a little flour and grease."

Merry: "Careful of that, it'll hurt your eyes."

Sam: "Why?"

Merry: "Lookin' for the chicken!"

Butterbur: "Impudent bastards."

Pippin: "Baggins? Sure I know a Baggins!"

Strider: "Looks like you should go do something, Baby Sister."

Frodo, "What the...? I'm not a girl!!!"

[Tigerlily Gamgee]

How's about some Birdcage (sorry Lego-lovers, no offence or implications are meant)...

Scene: Legolas and Aragorn are sitting under a tree while the rest of the Fellowship rests...

Aragorn: No! Legolas, you're not doing it right...
Legolas: What do you mean?
Aragorn: Real men smeeeeaaarrrrr...
Legolas: ?
Aragorn: Give that to me (takes butter, bread, and knife)... look... see... real men smmmeeeaaarrr the butter... you've got to smeeaaarrrr...

It's late, what do you want from me smilies/frown.gif

[Rose Cotton]

HAHA!! The Birdcage was so funny!

[Elenna]

Ummm, so now we're considering Legolas a real man?

[Eruwen]

{Frodo is looking into the mirror of Galadriel. He sees the eye of Sauron.}

Sauron: Frodo, I am your father.

Frodo: NOOOOO!!!!!!!!!

{Sorry had to throw in a star wars somewhere}
--------------------------
And for the Harry Potter fans...

{An unnamed Dwarf puts on Gandalf's hat at the council of Elrond.}

Hat: Has a small temper. Go back to the mines!

{Gimli puts it on.}

Hat: Go with the Fellowship!!!

{An Elf puts it one.}

Hat: Not girly enough. To Mirkwood.

{Legolas puts it on.}

Hat: Yes! Perfect! You are part of the Fellowship as well!!

{This was not ment in any way to offend the Legolas or Gimli fans here. I just needed someone so I chose them.}
------------------------------
And yes, I know, they are not funny. But it is all I could think of.

[Elven Mistress]

Evolution - Aragorn, Gimli, and Legolas are near the place where they meet the Riders of Rohan, trying to shoot a ring wraith, flying around on his horse with a girl in his hands. Legolas produces a microphone...

Legolas (singing): You are so beautiful! To me!

Gimli (flatly): please stop, you're embarrasing me.

Legolas continues with song

Ring Wraith turns and starts screeching, coming right at Legolas

Gimli (surprised): it's working! Rub some funk on it!

--it wasn't that funny, but i love that movie!-- and sorry that it isn't really FOTR - it's more TT....yeah.....

[Tigerlily Gamgee]

Ummm, so now we're considering Legolas a real man?

It was a joke... ha, ha... funny...

[Diamond18]

Here's a couple from "Young Frankenstein":

1: Can't you just picture Saruman and Lurtz dressed in tuxedos and performing, "Puttin' on the Ritz"?

2:
Samwise: "It's times like this I remember what my old Gaffer used to say."

Frodo: "What was that?"

Samwise: "'What the heck are you doing in the bathroom all day and night? Why don't you get out of there and give someone else a chance?!'"

[Diamond18]

I was watching Toy Story 2 for the, I dunno, twelfth time, and so here are some ideas from both TS 1 & 2...

After Aragorn hides the Four Hobbits from the Nazgûl in Bree, they mob him and say in perfect unison:
"You have saved our lives! We are eternally grateful!"

Aragorn: "Will you just leave me alone?!!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Outside the gate of Moria:
Pippin: "How do we get inside?"

Gandalf: "Use your head!"

Pippin: "But I don't want to use my head!"

The Fellowship picks Pippin up and rams his head into the gate. (Actually, Gandalf did suggest this in the book *shudder*).
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Gandalf, as he is pulled down by the Balrog's whip: "I can fly!"

Aragorn: "That isn't flying! That was falling with style!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

In Lothlorien, Frodo asks Galadriel for some parting words of wisdom. Galadriel replies: "You are a sad, strange little man. You have my pity. Farewell."

[bragolheledion]

lol just imagine this when frodo and samwise reach mt. doom they say the scene from shrek where shrek and the donkey reach the volcanoe with the castle.

[The Squatter of Amon Rûdh]

Imagine the following bit from Kelly's Heroes in the Prancing Pony:

Butterbur: Anything else you need?
Aragorn (emerging from the shadows, looking suspiciously like Donald Sutherland): You could probably use some armour.

Or this meeting of two classics:

Sam (indicating the Ring) What's this?
Frodo The ah stuff that dreams are made of.

[Bêthberry]

Squatter,

And when Frodo asked Aragorn/ Sutherland what he was doing, Aragorn/ Sutherland would reply, "Catching a few rays."


And here's one for Gollem, "What hand is this I see before me?"

Bb

[ October 15, 2002: Message edited by: Bethberry ]

[The Squatter of Amon Rûdh]

Now, you see, a whole sub-thread of Oddball references has been born:

Aragorn: Tonight's no good, man. Me and the boys have got something special lined up.

Gandalf: Are you crazy? What could be more important than destroying the One Ring?

Aragorn: You come round tonight, Mithrandir, and we'll show you.

[Rimbaud]

I anticipate no-one getting this.

Uglúk [standing up]: I wouldn't drink that if I were you.

Merry [unplugging the can's teat with his teeth]: Why not?

Uglúk : Because I don't advise it. Even the Northern Orcs from the hills wouldn't drink that. That's worse than meths.

Merry: Nonsense, this is a far superior drink to meths. The Northern Orcs don't drink it because they can't afford it.

*He throws his head back and pours the druaght down his throat. Gagging and gasping, he's on a buzz. *

Merry: Have we got anymore?

*Uglúk shakes his head. Merry, eyes bulging, presses forward, forcing Uglúk to back off.*

Merry: Liar. What's in your toolbox?

Uglúk : We have nothing. Sit down.

Merry: Liar. You've got anti-freeze.

Uglúk : You fool. You should never mix your drinks!

[Anastasia]

Nazgul is flying along on his bird thing. Suddenly smth falls from the sky and lands on the bird behind him. A weird automatic voice from inside the bird starts speaking.
*Automatic Voice* You've just had an accident
*Nazgul* Yes I know I've just had an accident*
*Automatic Voice* You have one point left on your license.
*Nazgul* Thank you for reminding me.
He turns around.
*Nazgul* Any survivors?

[The Squatter of Amon Rûdh]

I anticipate no-one getting this.

That's where you're wrong, although the idea of Richard E. Grant as Merry is peculiar to say the least.

Merry What's that? Soup? How come I don't get soup?

Pippin It's coffee

Merry Well why don't you drink it out of a cup like any normal human being?

Pippin Why don't you wash up once in a while like any normal human being?

Or there's this cult tie-in:
Sauron I corrupted the first rings in this damn' city. Before I knew it every punk fallen Ainu was starting to imitate me. Do you know what they've got now? Fall of Númenor greeting cards. Isn't that precious?

Ya see, that's what's been bothering me, boys: the idea has become the institution. Time to move on.

Nazgul #1 You mean you don't want us to do Light My Fire time for the whole Shire?

Sauron I mean I want to create an evil so big that the Valar will notice us again! I want you Nazgûl to be able to look me in the eye one more time and say "Are we havin' fun or what?"! You? What's your name? Gollum? Do you feel that?

Gollum I feel like a little worm on a big hook.

Sauron (mimics) "I feel like a little worm on a big hook". Well, boy: your momma must be real proud of you.

[Bêthberry]

Bethberry trusts that Rimbaud will appreciate how she holds her tongue so he can savour the game. *nods*

Squatter, did that kitchen harbour any personal reminiscences for you? Much like your own was once? *holds sides in laughter while recalling scene*

[ October 16, 2002: Message edited by: Bethberry ]

[Melichus]

Fine, another Star Wars...

Boromir: Not with ten thousand men could you do this. Is is folly! The odds of reaching the Cracks of Doom are approximately one in--

Elrond: Never tell me the odds!

[The Squatter of Amon Rûdh]

You have no idea, Bethberry. No idea. Students? Give me rats any day.

How about:

Bill Ferny You talk funny, Strider. Where're you from?

Strider Lots of different places.

[Rimbaud]

Frodo, to Farmer Maggot : We're not from Hobbiton, you know!

[Mlo]

This is probably something that only people who have seen Moulin Rouge (or maybe you have to like it some too...) will understand, probably...

Voice: Gandalf the white, and his infamous girls. They called them, his "Diamond Balrogs".

ok, not so funny smilies/rolleyes.gif

[The Squatter of Amon Rûdh]

Pippin (to Butterbur): We want tea. And cake.

Or there's this, from a certain Western:

Gandalf (to Saruman): He who double-crosses me and leaves me alive; he knows nothing of Olórin.

[Diamond18]

For Shrek fans:

Aragorn: "Rangers are like onions."
Pippin: "They stink?"
Aragorn: "Yes. No."
Pippin: "Oh, they make you cry."
Aragorn: "No!"
Pippin: "Oh, you leave em out in the sun, they get all brown, start sproutin' little white hairs."
Aragorn: "NO! Layers! Onions have layers. Rangers have layers. Onions have layers. You get it? We both have layers."
*sighs*
Pippin: "Oh, you both have layers. Oh. You know, not everybody like onions."

~~~~~~~~~

Witch-King: "Come not between the Nazgûl and his prey! Or he will not slay thee in thy turn. He will bear thee away to the houses of lamentation, beyond all darkness, where thy flesh shall be devoured, and thy shrivelled mind be left naked to the Lidless Eye."

Éowyn: "Wow, that was really scary and if you don't mind me saying, if that don't work, your breath will certainly get the job done, 'cause you definitely need some Tic Tacs or something 'cause your breath STINKS!"
(get it...Black Breath...*sigh*)

[hobbitlass]

Frodo looks into the Mirror of Galadriel.
The eye of Sauron appears.

Frodo,"Are YOU lookin' at ME?"

(Taxidriver)

[Nevfeniel]

Diamond18, your Shrek post inspired me:
Anyone: Can't we just settle this over a pint?
Pippin: It comes in pints?

I know, I know, I mixed Shrek and LotR together, but I just couldn't resist! smilies/rolleyes.gif smilies/tongue.gif

Or, when Gandalf the White shows up:
Gimli (whispering loudly): We thought you was a toad.
Gandalf: What?
Gimli (louder): We thought you was a toad!

From O Brother, Where Art Thou? I loved that part! smilies/biggrin.gif

[ October 16, 2002: Message edited by: Nevfeniel ]

[Mlo]

Ok, I've got one. (someone has probably already said this one a looong time ago or something... Hope I'm not repeating history..)

Frodo at The Dead Marshes
Frodo: I see dead people...

[Nevfeniel]

How 'bout some Die Hard?
Boromir: I'm going to count to three. There will be no four. Give me the ring!

[Mlo]

Hehehe... Some Birdcage again...

Val:Aragorn!
Armand: Spartacus!
Armand: Aragorn Spartacus!

OK, that was bad...... smilies/rolleyes.gif

[ November 02, 2002: Message edited by: Mlo ]

[Diamond18]

Here's some from Gladiator:

At the Prancing Pony...
Samwise: "I'll have you, Longshanks!"
Aragorn: "You would fight me?"
Samwise: "Why not? Do you think I am afraid?"
Aragorn: "I think you've been afraid all your life."

Elrond: "Let us pretend that you are a loving daughter, and I am a good father."
Arwen: "This is a pleasant fiction, is it not?"

Gandalf: "You have a great name. Sauron must kill your name before he kills you."
Aragorn: "Ha! Let him! I've got plenty."

And finally:

Sauron: "It vexes me. I'm terribly vexed."

[Thenamir]

The sign over the door reads "Welcome to the Prancing Pony Inn and Bar." Gandalf, after deftly dis-arming (pun intended) a local troublemaker with his staff, slides into a booth in the dark smoky bar with a rowdy atmosphere and a passable band covering a popular tune in the background. Frodo and the other three hobbits slide in next to him. Already lounging in the booth across from them is Aragorn and Arwen.

Aragorn: Name's Aragorn, captain of the Milennium Rangers. Arwen here tells me you're in need of a guide to Mordor.

Gandalf: Yes, indeed...if it's a fast guide.

Aragorn: Fast guide? You've never heard of Aragorn the Ranger?

Gandalf (raising an eyebrow): Should I have?

Aragorn: I'm the Ranger that made the Fornost to Rivendell run in less than 12 leagues! (Gandalf looks askance, doubtful) I've outrun men on horseback -- not the local cart-nags, mind you, I'm talkin' 'bout the big Rohirrim horses now. (a beat passes) I'm fast enough for you old man. What's the cargo?

Gandalf: Only passengers. Myself, the Boyd, three other hobbits...and no questions asked.

Aragorn (grinning): What is it, some kind of local trouble?

Gandalf: Let's just say we'd like to avoid any Mordorian entanglements.

Aragorn: Well, that's the real trick isn't it? And it's going to cost you something extra. (another beat) The kingship of Arnor, all in advance.

Frodo (incredulous): All Arnor? We could hire our own eagle for that!

Aragorn: Yeah, but who's gonna fly it shorty? You?

Frodo: You bet I could! My Uncle Bilbo rode eagles before! Why, I...(Gandalf shushes him)

Gandalf: We can get you the Shire now, plus all Arnor and Gondor, once we reach Mordor.

Aragorn: All Arnor and Gondor? (Gandalf nods) OK, you guys got yourselves a guide. We'll leave as soon as you're in, Prancing Pony room 94. (Gandalf nods and he and the hobbits exit the booth and the bar. Aragorn and Arwen exchange meaningful glances.) All Gondor and Arnor! Those guys must really be desperate! With that kind of real estate your dad is sure to let us marry...

[ November 05, 2002: Message edited by: Thenamir ]

[Thenamir]

I have an auto for this on the chat, but for those who have not seen it, here it is, from the Matrix:

Agent Smith: "We've been watching you for some time, Mr. 'Baggins'. It seems you've been living *two* lives. The first life you live at Bag End behind a round green door, where you project a respectable image, eat six meals a day...and you help old Gamgee with his potatoes.

The other life you live in adventures, where you go by the questing alias 'Underhill'.

One of these lives has a future...and one of them does not.

Now we're willing to wipe the slate clean...give you a fresh start...if you'll just help us to find this one little item...The One Ring. Whatever you've heard about this ring is irrelevant...it is considered by the wise of Middle Earth to be the most dangerous object in existence. All you have to do is lead us to the Ring.

Frodo: Whoa. That sounds pretty good...but I have a better idea...how about I give Gollum my finger, and you give me my ride to elvenhome?

[ November 05, 2002: Message edited by: Thenamir ]

[Telpefalsion99]

Or what if when wormtongue snaps he runs up to Sauroman and says "Dodge this" (ala the matrix) and stabs him.


Yeah....

[VanimaEdhel]

Scene: Boromir is still alive when Aragorn finds him.
Boromir: Promise me...promise me that you will get out of this...and have lots of babies...and never let go...promise me Aragorn, you'll never let go...
Aragorn: *weeping and holding his hand* I'll never let go, Boromir, I'll never let go!

*Scene: Frodo, Sam, and Gollum are walking.
Gollum:For your information, there's a lot more to Smeagol than people think.
Sam: Example?
Gollum: Example?Okay...um...Smeagol's...are like onions.
Frodo: *Sniffs* They stink?
Gollum: Yes...No!
Sam: They make you cry?
Gollum: No!
Frodo: Ohhh...you mean when you leave them out in the sun, they get all brown, start sprouting' little white hairs.
Gollum: No! Layers! Onions have layers! Smeagol's have layers! Onions have layers. You get it? We both have layers. *Sighs*
Sam: Oh, you both have layers. Oh. You know, not everybody likes onions...Cake! Everybody loves cakes! Cakes have layers.
Gollum: I don't care... what everyone likes. Smeagol's are not like cakes.
*Pause*
Sam: You know what else everybody likes? Parfaits. Have you ever met a person, you say, "Let's get some parfait," they say, "Hell no, I don't like no parfait"? Parfaits are delicious.
Gollum: No! You dense, irritating, miniature human! Smeagol's are like onions! End of story. Bye-bye. See ya later.
*Pause*
Sam: Parfaits may be the most delicious thing on the whole damn planet.
Gollum: You know, I think I preferred your singing of completely irrelevant songs...
*Pause
Sam: Do you have a tissue or something? I'm making a mess. Just the word
parfait make me start slobbering...

EDIT: Okay, even though I did that from memory, I did check the "Shrek" part with a site: http://shrekscript.tripod.com/index/Shrek.htm (and I got it all right...scary...)

[ November 05, 2002: Message edited by: VanimaEdhel ]

[Helkahothion]

This one goes to the star wars fan witsh I will counter with Austin Powers 2


(Frodo looks into Galadriel's mirror)

Sauron :Frodo, I am your father.
Frodo:Really????!!!!!!!
Sauron :No I can't possibly back that up.
Frodo:Right.......... Silly
________
STARCRAFT II REPLAY (http://screplays.com/)

[Mintyztwin]

Frodo: "Aragorn, what about the O.R.C.S.'s?"
Aragorn: "Orcish Raiders Catering to Sauron? I don't believe they exist - ARG!"
~ The Princess Bride

Frodo: "Gandalf, why didn't you come to Bree?"

Gandalf: "Saruman turned me into a newt. . . . I got better."
~ Monty Python

Aragorn to Lurtz when they are fighting. "There's something you don't know. I'm not left handed."

Aragorn to himself about Sauron: "And then, I will say, my name is Aragorn. You killed my great-great-great-great-great (etc.) grandfather. Prepare to die."
~ Both from The Princess Bride!

[Eruwen]

A Spiderman one.......(oh no, I cannot believe I am about to mix these two movies.) smilies/rolleyes.gif

[Frodo falls in the Prancing Pony at Bree. Sees the eye for the first time.]

Frodo: "Who are you?"

Eye: "You know who I am...."

Frodo: "I do?"

Eye: (pause) "Just your friendly neighborhood evil-eye of Sauron" (grabs a rope and starts swinging across Mt Doom) "Whoooooo hooooo!!"

[Nimrothiel]

The Star Wars cracks inspired me to do this one.

Bilbo when he first meets Gollum:

Gollum: Away put your weapon, harm you I will not.

Bilbo: Sorry, it's just that I'm lost and I didn't know if there was anything dangerous around here.

Gollum: Ah yes, dangerous can the unknown be. Yet why here are you?

Bilbo: I'm ah-looking for someone.

Gollum: Looking, are you? Found someone you have.

*does Yoda laugh*

Bilbo: Look, can you just show me the way out of here?

Gollum: No, no, complete training first you must.

Bilbo: Huh? What training? I just wanna get out of here!

Gollum: In too much of a hurry, you are. Show you nothing I will, if training do you not complete.

Bilbo: What kind of training?

Gollum: Catch fish, how to.

Bilbo: THAT'S your all-important training?!! How to catch fish?! Forget it, I'll find my own way out!

(Leaves, going the wrong way)

Gollum: Wait! Right way you are not going!

(No response)

Gollum: Come back must you, help you will I.

(Pause, sudden high, shrill shriek; silence)

Gollum (shakes head): Foolish were you, trained you should have. Lonely would I be, yet Precious I still have.

(Goes to hut, looks around)

Gollum: Lost it is! Precious lost I have!
Thief were you, foolish one! Thief, thief, you I hates! You I hates forever!!!

(Runs out of hut, jumps into boat and heads for shore, hears a funny noise, looks up to see Luke's X-Wing plummet down on him)

Gollum: Aarrgh!

(Luke gets out and looks around)

Luke: Artoo, I told you to make a left at Alderan!

Artoo: Bo-dee whip rrk rrk hmmm.

[Mintyztwin]

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!

That was good! smilies/wink.gif I'll look forward to more posts, Nimrothiel! smilies/biggrin.gif

[Diamond18]

Oh, yes. Tha' was good...let's get anotha'. smilies/wink.gif

Only read this following epic if you watched "Signs". 'Cause that's what this is: LotR meets M. Night Shayamalan's "Signs".

Scene One: Gandalf and Frodo are in Bag-end. Gandalf takes the Ring out of the fireplace and offers it to Frodo:

Gandalf: Hold out your hand, Frodo. It is quite cool. What can you see? Can you see anything?
Frodo: Nothing. There's nothing. Wait... There are markings. It's some form of Elvish. I can't read it.
Gandalf: There are few who can. The language is that of Mordor, which I will not utter here.
Frodo: Mordor?
Gandalf: In the common tongue, it says "One Ring To Bring Them All, And In The Darkness Bind Them." It is only two lines of a verse long known in Elvish lore
Frodo: That's ridiculous. How can you possibly know that information? What else does it say?

Gandalf: Three Rings for the Elven-kings under the sky,
Seven for the Dwarf-lords in their halls of stone,
Nine for Mortal Men doomed to die,
One for the Dark Lord on his dark throne,
In the land of Mordor where the Shadows lie.
One Ring to Rule them all, One Ring to find them,
One Ring to bring them all and in the darkness bind them
In the Land of Mordor where the Shadows lie.

Frodo: Gandalf, this Ring stuff is just about a bunch of nerdy Elves who never had a girlfriend their lives. They're like three-thousand-years-old now. They make up secret languages and analyze mythology and make secret societies where other guys who never had girlfriends can join in. They do stupid crap like this to feel special. It's a scam. Elves were doin' it an Age ago and the same Elves are doing it again.

Gandalf: Nay, Frodo. This is the One Ring. For sixty years, the Ring lay quiet in Bilbo's keeping, prolonging his life, delaying old age. But no longer, Frodo. Evil is stirring in Mordor. The Ring has awoken. It's heard its Master's call.

Frodo: Gandalf, you're going to feel stupid when this turns out to be all make believe.

Gandalf: No, Frodo. It’s true; the Elves are right. Sauron has returned. His Orcs have multiplied. His fortress of Barad-Dur is rebuilt in the land of Mordor. Sauron needs only this Ring to cover all the lands with a second darkness. He is seeking it, seeking it, all his thought is bent on it. The Ring yearns to go home, to return to the hand of its Master. They are one, the Dark Lord and the Ring. Frodo, he must never find it.

There is a rustle in the bushes outside:
Sam: Why couldn’t they get girlfriends?

Gandalf pulls him inside: Confound it all, Samwise Gamgee! Have you been eavesdropping? But there is no time to loose, you two must set out on a perilous journey and meet me in Bree at the Prancing Pony Inn. Now move, Hobbits... Vamanos!

Scene Two: Frodo and Sam meet up with Merry and Pippin, and encounter the Black Rider. Terrified, they high-tail it to Bree, where they meet Strider. Once they decide that he is "on their side" they tell him about the mysterious Black Rider:

Strider: Did you get a clear look at this Rider?
Frodo: No, he rode off before I saw him.
Srtider: How do you know it was a him?
Frodo: Well, this Rider was really fast.
Strider: I've seen many fast female riders. The female Elven jockeys in the Imladris Olympics are really fast.
Frodo: OK, well, besides the possibility that an Olympian Elf-Maiden Jockey was chasing us, who would you say it was?
Strider: They were once men - great kings of men. Then Sauron the deceiver gave to them nine rings of power. Blinded by their greed, they took them without question. One by one they've fallen into darkness. Now they are slaves to his will. They are the Nazgul, Ringwraiths, neither living nor dead. At all times they feel the presence of the Ring, drawn to the power of the One. They will never stop hunting you.

Frodo: You’re scaring the other hobbits.
Other Hobbits: We’re already scared.

Scene Three: Our Dauntless Heroes decide to leave Bree and head for Rivendell. They camp at a place called Weathertop one night. While Frodo sleeps the other Hobbits build a fire: Frodo awakes and puts it out, but it is too late; Black Riders are seen riding towards the hill.

Frodo: Don’t panic, we can handle them.
Sam: What are we going to do?
Merry: Act angry, that will scare them.
Pippin: Curse or something.
Sam: I don’t know...it don’t sound right when I curse...it don’t sound natural.
Pippin: I don’t care, you gotta do it.
Sam: What should I say?
Merry: I don't know, be angry!

The Ringwraiths approach and draw their swords:

Merry: I'M VERY ANGRY!!
Pippin: I’m gonna kick your asses in!!
Sam: Yeah, there's gonna be an asswhoopin'!
Merry: I AM INSANE WITH ANGER!
Sam: I cursed.
Pippin: I heard.

Unfortunately, this admirable bravado is for naught, and Frodo gets stabbed. Luckily, Strider aka Aragorn comes to the rescue, and they make a journey to the Troll Shaws, where they meet up with beautiful Olympian Elf-Maiden Jockey Arwen Evenstar.

Arwen: What’s this, a Ranger caught off his guard? And where are the Hobbits?
Aragorn: Oh, I left them in the Troll Shaw, I thought that they all needed to just calm down and eat some fruit or something. I figured they should be playing "Furry, Furry Rabbits" or something.
Arwen: What's "Furry, Furry Rabbits"?
Aragorn: It's a game, isn't it?
Arwen: Never mind, I’m going to go save Frodo and you can stay here and play "Furry, Furry Rabbits" if you want.

Aragorn follows Arwen’s suggestion, and Arwen continues on to the Ford with Frodo. Once safely in Rivendell, Frodo wakes up to find Gandalf and Sam by his bedside:

Sam: There are many things that I can take, Frodo. But what I can't take is when my Master, who's everything that I want to be, starts turning into a Wraith. I saw that look in your eyes last night. I don't ever want to see that look in your eyes again.

Frodo: I was frightened of the Ringwraith too, Sam. I had the distinct feeling that it wanted to hurt me. *sighs* I wish the Ring had never come to me, Gandalf; I wish none of this had ever happened.

Gandalf: So do all who live to see such times, but that is not for them to decide. All that you can decide is was to do with the time that is given to you. So you just have to ask yourself what kind of person are you. Are you the type that sees signs? Sees miracles? Or do you think that people just get lucky? Maybe there are no coincidences. Bilbo was meant to find the Ring, in which case you also were meant to have it.

Sam: Oh, I’m the kind that believes in miracles. See, one time, I was at this party... and I was sitting on the couch with Rosie Cotton. She was just sitting there, looking beautiful, and staring at me. So, I lean in to kiss her, and I realize I have pipeweed in my mouth. So, I turn to spit it out and put it in a little paper cup that was sitting by the couch. I turn back, and Rosie Cotton throws up all over herself. I knew the moment it happened, it was a miracle. I could have been kissing her when she threw up. It would have scarred me for life. I may never have recovered.

The End.

[ November 21, 2002: Message edited by: Diamond18 ]

[ November 21, 2002: Message edited by: Diamond18 ]

[ November 21, 2002: Message edited by: Diamond18 ]

[ November 21, 2002: Message edited by: Diamond18 ]

Why are you looking at all the times I edited?

[ November 21, 2002: Message edited by: Diamond18 ]

[Nimrothiel]

LOL! Pretty good, a little rough but nobody's perfect. Let's try somehting from James Bond, shall we?

(Frodo and the other three hobbits at the Prancing Pony)

Random Hobbit to Frodo: I haven't seen you in here before. Who are you?

Frodo: The name's Bag... I mean UNDERHILL, Frodo UNDERHILL.

[Sapphire_Flame]

LOL!!!!! smilies/biggrin.gif
*~*~

Sauron: Suddenly I feel...really, really good.
Nazgul #3: I'm sorry, Master.
Sauron: It'll pass, it'll pass.
~Time Bandits

Frodo: You mean you knew what was happening to us that whole time?
Gandalf: Of course. I am a Supreme Being; I'm not entirely dim.
~Time Bandits

[Nimrothiel]

Lol! Okay, I just want to see if anyone can picture this:

Arwen and Eowyn acting out the fight scene in The Mummy Returns.

For some reason, I find that funny. Oh well, mabye I'm just twisted. smilies/evil.gif

[Mintyztwin]

HAHAHA! Verrrry funny! Verrrrry funny! smilies/biggrin.gif

Sauron to wraiths. "Ringwraiths 1-9! Come! Let us scheme!"

~ Babes in Toyland. I know, not very funny, but I LOVE THAT LINE!!!

Wouldn't Legolas and Gimli look great in the Men In Black suits? smilies/biggrin.gif

[TealDude3]

Forest Gump

Sam: This is it. If I take one more step, it will be the farthest away from home I've ever been.
Frodo: Come on Sam. Remember what Bilbo use to say, "Life is like a book of chocolates, you never know which one your gonna get."

[mordor136]

How about another Monty Python one then.
this is a scene imitating the opening scene of Monty Python and the Holy Grail.

FRODO: "You there will you let us into fair Rivendell?"

ELF: Whats that you've got there?"

FRODO: "It is a ring"

ELF: " Where did you get it"

FRODO: "We found it"

ELF: "Rings are from the south down in Mordor how did it get all the way up here?"

FRODO:" Hobbits may go south to warmer climates in the winter"

ELF: "Are you suggesting rings migrate?"

Of course it goes on from here but I dont feel like typing it all. smilies/rolleyes.gif

[Sapphire_Flame]

LOL!!!!!! smilies/biggrin.gif Hang on, I thought of some more:

Witch-king: You better watch out. I eat pieces of scum like you for breakfast.
Eowyn/Dernhelm: <snork> You eat pieces of scum for breakfast?
Witch-king: [v. flustered]...No...[shifty eye thing]...Shut up!
~Happy Gilmore

Merry: Pippin! That's not meant to be eaten!
Pippin: You never know until you've eaten it.
~Time Bandits

Hee hee hee..... smilies/biggrin.gif

[ December 06, 2002: Message edited by: Sapphire_Flame ]

[Mintyztwin]

HAHAHAHAHAHA!!! LOL!!! That was great!!!! smilies/biggrin.gif smilies/biggrin.gif

Hmmm . . . From The Emperor's New Groove:

Boromir: They have a cave troll!

Gimli: Lemme guess, huge, brawny muscles?

B: Yep.

G: Sharp jagged teeth?

B: Most likely.

G: Bring it on. Boooyahahahahaaaaaaaaaaaaa!

[Dorathain_Flamesword]

(Dumb and Dumber)

(Aragorn and the Hobbits in Bree at the Prancing Pony.)

(Pippin knocks his walking stick off the table.)

Merry: Uh-oh.

Pippin: What's the matter?

Merry: You dropped your walking stick. That's bad luck. We're traveling across Middle-Earth and the last thing we need is bad luck. Quickly, toss your walking stick over your right shoulder.

(Pippin grabs his walking stick from the ground and with a mighty throw, tosses it over his right shoulder. A thunk could be heard. All was silent.)

Male voice: What in the of Middle-Earth was that?!

Merry: Or was it the left shoulder?

(A tall man, more than three times the size of Merry and Pippin standing on each other's shoulders walked up to the table. Frodo and Sam chuckled and they kept their faces in their pints.)

Male voice: Who's the dead man that hit me with the piece of wood?

(Merry held his hand up high, pointing at Pippin.)

Pippin: It was a terrible accident sir. Sir, believe me, I would never do anything to offend a Man of your size. Please accept my most sincere apology.

(A man the same size at the table beside him looks at the four Hobbits.)

Man #2: Teach 'em a lesson, Kerathas!

Kerathas (the tall man at the Hobbit table): You gonna drink that?

(Kerathas eyed his pint.)

Pippin: No, yes, no, the thought crossed my mind... yes.

(Kerathas then spits in his drink. Frodo and Sam burst out laughing.)

Kerathas: Still want it?

(Kerathas takes the pint of ale and pours it on Pippin.)

(Barliman throws down the piece of parchment on the table. Little black numbers were on it.)

Pippin: I can't afford this! I haven't even drunk yet!

Merry: Well if you wouldn't pick fights with the locals- wait, I have an idea.

Pippin: Is the idea safe?

Merry: Nope! Come with me!

(Merry pulls Pippin from the table and they slowly approach the table full of Men.)

(Kerathas turned his glance to Pippin, then Merry.)

Merry: Excuse me gentlemen, I just wanted to apologize for that unpleasent scene a little earlier.

Kerathas: Huh?

Merry: What I am trying to say is, my friend and I would like to buy you guys a round of ale, just to burry the longsword.

Kerathas: Make it four Queerish Bree Ales.

Merry: Whatever you want sir, I'll have Barliman bring them over.

(Pippin stares at Merry like he is out of his mind. As they walk away to the bar.)

Pippin: Merry, what are you doing? You know we can't afford to buy them drinks.

(Frodo and Sam sit at their table, hardly able to breathe fro mthe laughter.)

(Merry hands Barliman the parchment.)

Merry: Um, Kerathas and the fellas offered to pick up our check, they said just put it on their parchment check.

(Barliman looked skeptically at Merry and Pippin.)

Barliman: Kerathas said that?

Merry: Well, if that man over there is Kerathas.

(Kerathas pointed at himself, knodding his head up and down.)

Barliman: Ok, if that's what he wants.

(Pippin sees some pipes and pipeweed on the bar. He grabs them.)

Pippin: Oh, and put these on there, too.

Barliman: You got it.

(Next scene, Frodo, Sam, Merry, Strider and Pippin are seen riding on horses down the rode and into the Wild, heading towards Rivendell.)

(Kerathas then comes bursting through the door of the Prancing Pony, along with his companions and Barliman. Catching one glance at the five as they disappeared into the distance.)

Kerathas: They are dead!

(Next scene, it pans up on the five.)

Frodo: You should've seen his face!

Sam: It was hysterical!

Pippin: Where did you get a genius idea like that? It was pure genius!

Merry: Heard about it in a song once.

Pippin: So what happens next? Does the guy who played the trick get away, scott-free?

Merry: No, about half-way down the road, he catches up and slits his throat.

(Pippin looks back and his horse starts to speed up.)

(DUMB AND DUMBER)

[Orual]

LOL! Those are so funny! This is really short, and you REALLY have to have seen the Emporer's New Groove, but I thought it was funny.
~*~*~*~*~*~

[On the road to Rivendell, after Pippin's finished complaining about a pointed lack of second breakfast. An apple comes hurtling at Pippin's head.]

Merry: Pippin!

Pippin: Aragorn!!

Aragorn: Hm? What? That wasn't me! Somebody's throwin' stuff. [Innocent face]

~*~*~*~*~

You have to have seen the movie to get the expression on Aragorn's face...but it's funny! I think.

~*~Orual~*~

[doug*platypus]

The Setting: Merry and Sam, riding along on their ponies, going home after the War of the Ring, riding far back, talking about the places they've been and the things they have seen...


Sam: "So tell me again about the Rings of Power"

Merry: "Okay, whatchu wanna know?"

"They're legal there, right?"

"Yeah they're legal, but they ain't a hundred percent legal. Okay, it breaks down like this: it's legal to own one, it's legal to carry one, and it's legal to wear one, but only in certain places."

"And those are the taverns?"

"Yeah. Now, it's illegal to sell one, but get this - if the Uruks stop you, it's illegal for them to search you. That's a right the Uruks in Rohan don't have."

"Oh, man, I'm goin'! That's all there is to it, I'm f*in' goin'!"

"You'd dig it the most, Sammy. But you know what the funniest thing about Isengard is? It's the little differences..."


fades out...