50 Reasons LOTR sucks

[Coral]

50 Reasons LOTR Sucks!! Read if you dare! BWAHAHAHAHAHA! (http://www.pointlesswasteoftime.com/film/50reasons.html)

[Eomer of the Rohirrim]

That was ok light humour.

[nevlhachien]

that was okay. but obviosly the people who wrote that didn't do any research b/c half of those things can be explained from reading the books.

[Galenfea of Mirkwood.]

I personally think that those people aren't even literate smilies/mad.gif

[Orual]

That's only funny because these people obviously haven't read the books or even watched the movie particularly well. Especially the Homage or Thefts...hello? Could it be vice-versa? I wonder if these people even know there's a book.

::stares at computer screen for a moment, then begins to laugh, choke, and retch at the same time.::

I...I quote:

As bad as the Lucasfilm leaks were last year, the filmmakers of The Two Towers already have the novelization out in paperback. I've seen it at Barnes & Noble already. As if we needed any less of a reason to go see it.

That has got to be the most ridiculous, funniest, and most sickening thing I've read in a while. These people don't have all their oars in the water. I pity them. Sort of.

~*~Orual~*~

[Kaze]

That's possibly the least informed list I've ever read in my life. I almost pity those guys. Almost.

But then, what's the point of people like that, except to entertain? smilies/tongue.gif

[Blue Elf]

Do they even know that it was based on a book???

[Hirilaelin]

Just stupid. These are incredibly stupid reasons. Anyone who has read the books or seen the movie would know better.

#12, return of the living dead

Frodo and co. are stabbed by the Ringwraiths, then are fine again.

If the person who watched this paid any attention to the movie, they would notice that the Ringwraiths stabbed PILLOWS. Hmph. Sorry that I am being rather hostile about this, but HONESTLY people.

(Don't get md at me, PLEASE.)

~Hirilaelin

[Coral]

Oh god, Your taking it seriously? It was a joke, I can't believe you don't get that smilies/rolleyes.gif

[Maylin]

* breathes deep, will not get mad in the mayham section,will not get mad in the mayham section, ok, i'm fine* smilies/cool.gif

about the whole racist thing, I was was listening to the two towers being read ( no, I'm not illiterate) and I realized Tolkien did hint about blacks in his books, they came with the oliphant.
* reads apology and feels slightly better*
there's more I could lecture on of course, but you all already know it, so I'll spare you smilies/biggrin.gif

[ January 24, 2003: Message edited by: Maylin ]

[The Saucepan Man]

I haven't read them all. I honestly couldn't be bothered after the first few, since they are quite dreadful.

Oh god, Your taking it seriously? It was a joke, I can't believe you don't get that

Yes, I thought that after reading the one about the Hobbits being alive after the Ringwraiths supposedly stabbed them in Bree. After all, that must be a joke ... unless the people who posted this were totally lacking in the brain department ...

But then it's not really a joke to accuse the filmmakers of racsim (or to do so in a pathetic attempt to make a joke), is it? smilies/frown.gif

[Aratlithiel]

Aw, geez, Saucepan Man, I thought it was hilarious (so very obviously tongue-in-cheek that it's quite comical that so many took it seriously which compounded the joke for me) until you said that. Now I feel all guilty. You're right, of course. Racism is not a joking matter and I feel bad that I didn't even notice it until you pointed it out.

Now that you've effectively rained on my parade, you're not going to tell me that hobbits aren't real, are you? smilies/wink.gif

[Eomer of the Rohirrim]

I too am surprised at how many people did not realise it was a joke. Whoever wrote it probably likes The Lord of the Rings, at least a little bit.

[eleanor_niphredil]

Or not. Read the "Apology" at the end. Even then he is putting it down.

Personnaly, I thought that the bit about the Fellowship never going to the loo was wonderful. i had always wondered at this myself. Would Legolas stand for going behind a bush? smilies/biggrin.gif

However, this ---> smilies/rolleyes.gif <--- is my overall impression of that artical, though perhaps with a little of this ---> smilies/biggrin.gif <--- and a little of this ---> smilies/eek.gif <---.

I to pity them.

Also, I think that though racism is a very serious topic, it was whoever wrote that, the critics, that bring it up. They make the racism, not Tolkien or Peter Jackson.

Like the idea of Hobbits stepping in cowpats!

[ January 25, 2003: Message edited by: eleanor_niphredil ]

[Meela]

i take it the writer hasnt actually heard of tolkien.

*fumes for a few weeks*

i lost count of the number of times i yelled and swore at the writer during reading smilies/biggrin.gif

especially the outrageous presumption that peter stole practically the whole movie from a bunch of 80's movies, when the book was brought out about 30 years earlier.

oh, and the elrond thing? considering hugo weaving played both him and agent smith, im not at all surprised that there are similarities

and one last thing: Liv Tyler played ARWEN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! learn.

[Meela]

oh, and uh... interesting review of The Two Towers.

[Garen LiLorian]

*Wiping tears from my eyes* Oh, I'm dying. That was absolutely hilarious. I haven't laughed that hard in ages. Granted, some of them didn't work if you had watched the movies more than a few times or read the books once, but still.

Liv Tyler's character is shown holding off nine supernatural beings, even though she is clearly a woman

How can you take it seriously after reading that?

I thought it was hilarious, and piled up into one pile all the ridiculous criticisms of any good movie I've ever heard. (while adding just enough of the absurd to make sure it is taken as a joke) And I like his "apology"

...I have an Associate Degree, so my opinion is worth more than yours. I'm sorry if this offends you, but it is simply a fact of life

How many times have you heard this (maybe in different words) spewing from the mouth of some self-important jerk who (apparently) spent his college years drunk and insensate on his dorm room floor? I know I've heard it a time or two.

Gentle readers, please do not get upset at this article. It is merely a joke, and should be taken as such. This is a parody of all the self-important people who criticise a thing before taking the time to understand it. It is all the more potent because it comes from such a masterwork as LotR.

[Lyra Greenleaf]

i thought some bits of it were moderately funny. what made me laugh though, was people taking it seriously!

[Isilmëiel]

Millions of copies of the LOTR DVD have thick black bars at the bottom and top of the screen throughout the film. Didn't anyone catch this? You know what happens at the end, in the extreme foreground and extreme upper sky? Neither do I. Bush league, guys.

Obviously a joke, or I thought so anyway. He's making fun of widescreen format for Pete's sake! smilies/rolleyes.gif

[dragoneyes]

I like the cowpats and the Loo one, nothing else. The Two Towers review was weak from my point of view also.

[*Anuion*]

Okay this has to end,

Greed.

Hollywood can't make a movie these days without crapping out a sequel the next year to squeeze more money out of the sheep. Guess what; there's ANOTHER LOTR movie coming this Christmas. Gee, I wonder what will bring Rocky out of retirement this time?
Well I did not took him serious afther this one.

Speaking of Orcs...

The Orcs were obviously stolen from PC game maker Blizzard and its Warcraft series. Too bad Blizzard is apparently too scared to sue New Line over it.
I know this serie of games, but the races are actualy a rip of from Tolkien and Warhammer, so who's ripping of who?

I could post many more, but that would drive me insane.

Greetings,

Anuion

[*Anuion*]

dear peaceloving fellow's,

Would it be possible if Little old me would get the e-mail adres of this nice fellow so I could kindly smilies/smile.gif .................................................. ...................................KCIK THE CRAP OUT OF HIS SORRY *** ?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!

smilies/mad.gif

Greetings,

Anuion

[Balin999]

I get angry when I read crap like this. I think that the people who wrote it know very well what they are writing about but they just want to get attention. One can't be so stupid to think stuff like they do.

[Aratlithiel]

!!!!READ BEFORE YOU POST!!!!

You know, every one of you people who are angrily posting that this "reviewer" doesn't know what he's talking about are guilty of the very same thing. You have very obviously only skimmed the "review" or came immediately back here to reply before you finished reading it.

This was a JOKE. Say it with me, folks. JOKE. The fact that you're taking it so seriously is only provong the point of the person who wrote it. I found it funny at first that so many took it seriously - now you're just making me sad.

Coral - did you ever think you were going to start something so controversial when you posted that link? Who knew sharing something comical would lead to such uninformed anger? Sheesh!

[Meela]

joke

hardy har har

[dragoneyes]

You have to admit though, it's not completly obvious, well, it wasn't to me, it only slowly dawned on me once I realised how lightly the rest of you were taking it. I, unfortunately, can't read sarcasm.

[Airerûthiel]

Homage or Rip-off:

What's the name of George Lucas' green moon with the weird teddy bears in 'Return of the Jedi'? If you answered Endor, you are correct! Have a complimentary mint for a prize...

And now, for three mints...what's the Quenya word for Middle-earth? If you said Endor, you are right again!

Hmmm...in-ter-est-ing

[Purple Elf]

Even if it wasnt a joke i still find it funny, espesially:
Liv Tyler's immortal elf volunteers to give up her eternal life for a single romance with a human man. Could any man really be that well endowed? I find it unlikely.

but, some of them were annoying. I hope it was a joke,if it wasnt, poor guy, he is gonna be skinned alive! Does anyone know who wrote this? find out for sure if it is or isnt (because after reading his apologie i myself am not sure), or get him to look at this thread, and have a laugh at us.
smilies/biggrin.gif

[Coral]

If you want the dude's email: mailto:davidwong@pointlesswasteoftime.comdavidwong @pointlesswasteoftime.com</A>
And, I started this thread because I knew most of you would take it seriously. Therefore, making me laugh smilies/biggrin.gif Haha, see?

[ January 25, 2003: Message edited by: Coral ]

[ January 25, 2003: Message edited by: Coral ]

[dragoneyes]

ooohhh, that's evil, very very evil. smilies/eek.gif

[eleanor_niphredil]

More devious than anything. your a born orc, Coral!

[Blue Elf]

Wait, this is a joke, right???? They claimed someone was stolen from Harry Potter!!!! NOOOOO!!!!!! INSULT!!!! Never...insult.....Lord of the Rings. Not to mention, LotR was first...

That site was a joke...I hope...

[Blue Elf]

I e-mailed the person who owned the site (may have been a mistake though) though I was very polite about it. I actually hope he replies with hate mail, insulting me, and calling me an idiot, because I want to respond "What defines an idiot? I sure don't think a studen in middle school doing AP college physics is the definition." and then go into a nice, confusing explanation of life.

Yes, I am insane, yes, I enjoy hate mail. I pity the poor fellow. For someone who thinnks he is so smart and above the rest of the world, it is sad to know that he hasn't heard of Tolkien...

[Nevfeniel]

Wow, if I didn't know that site was a joke, I would be fuming at this quote, not laughing:
I guess this movie takes place in a world where rings magically change sizes on their own.
Just for the record, it does.

[Eomer of the Rohirrim]

Well, this thread has gone from funny to disturbing.

I have never seen sarcasm drip so heavily from my computer screen. Maybe some unwitting Downers machines' don't have that function.....

[Horse-Maiden of the Shire]

okay, that was funny/annoying. The one i laughed hardest at was this one:
If you watch closely during the Inn scene, Frodo and his crew are shown getting stabbed by the Ring Wraiths. Then, five seconds later, they are fine again. Note to the director: try proofreading your movie before you release it to the public.
HA HA HA!!! I hope that they arent TOO ignorant and that they know what really happened. if not, that is UNBELIEVABLY SAD!!! smilies/biggrin.gif

[Coral]

Me EVIL? Nah...*evil grin* If he does e-mail you back, post it here. Should be interesting...but I don't think he would after hundreds of other fans already complained smilies/rolleyes.gif

[Lady Of Light]

I want to hit something really badly. If that was a joke, I'm not laughing. Whoever wrote that ought to realize that:

1: LOTR is a book. A BOOK I TELL YOU!!! THE THING WITH PAGES THAT YOU READ THAT YOU DON'T JUST STARE AT AND THE PLOT IS TOLD AND THERE ARE DEEPER MOTIVATIONS AND.... ok, I'm calm.

2: It has thousands of pages. TTT is not a sequel. It is a continuation of the greatest book of the 20th century.

3: Dwarves are awesome and are by no means expendable.

Thank you, I have said my part. This angered me. ::sigh::

[Blue Elf]

Well, if he responds, his e-mail will probably have the same tone I did. Mock politeness...I'm sure without meaning to, my e-mail dripped with annoyance...

I don't think it was a joke though, no one would have taken it that far.

[Orual]

I didn't sense much sarcasm, just ignorance, and I know sarcasm. I am the Queen of Sarcasm. Honestly, the thing about the novelization threw me--if it was a joke, then it went right over my head. I think that he could've made it quite a bit funnier, not to mention that the bit about racism was in very poor taste (not to mention being unoriginal.)

~*~Orual~*~

[Coral]

Well, since we're on the subject, here's his review of TTT, enjoy smilies/biggrin.gif TTT Review (http://www.pointlesswasteoftime.com/film/twotowers.html)

[Blue Elf]

I'm glad it was ignorance then, and no joke, otherwise my e-mail would have made me sound like a total fool...

[Coral]

Well, in that case Blue Elf, you are a total fool. It was a joke. Now read the review! Quite funny.

[Aratlithiel]

LOL, Coral - you ARE a glutton for punishment aren't you? I swear, I've got to stop coming to this thread...I don't know whether to laugh or cry when I read some of these responses. The funniest thing is, some of these respondents really do believe that they are expressing intelligent views. Non-Tolkien readers already think we're a bunch of lunatics - God help us all if any of them get hold of this thread!! smilies/biggrin.gif smilies/biggrin.gif

[Blue Elf]

I had half a mind in the e-mail to ask if it was a joke, but I realized, if it wasn't I would be very rude.

And if it is a joke, what person has so much spare time on their hands to take it that far???

And, nothing wrong with being a LotR freak smilies/biggrin.gif

I'm tired...

[Blue Elf]

P.S. Coral:
I sound like a fool, and I may appear as one.

Maybe that's cause I am one.

One big ignorant Fool of a Took am I!!

[Coral]

One big ignorant Fool of a Took am I!!
Fair enough.
What did your e-mail say? Inquiring minds want to know. Well, mine does anyway.

[Blue Elf]

I don't remember, and I can't find the e-mail now, since my AOL isn't working for some reason.

But to describe it, it was abnormally polite, bursting with annoyance. I wanted to just type "This is a joke, right?" and be out with it, but apperantly the guy had a enough of hate mail.

Not to mention, it'll make things very interesting if I get a reply...I love replying to flames and things like that (as long as I don't only get flames). smilies/evil.gif

[Garen LiLorian]

No offence, Blue Elf, (I've read your posts and enjoy hearing your thoughts) but if you recieve a flame mail from him, you probably deserve it. This is said in the most fraternal of ways.
smilies/biggrin.gif smilies/biggrin.gif smilies/biggrin.gif smilies/biggrin.gif

Ok, some of the jokes were in bad taste. Some of them just plain didn't work. But still.
1) The website, for those of you who didn't notice, is called pointless waste of time. Certainly not the sort of place to post a serious criticism.
2)He criticises the movie for being in widescreen format.
3)He cites imaginary people as screenwriters and directors of TTT.
4)He talks about the movie ending before the battle of Helm's Deep.
5)He says every stupid thing ignorant people have ever said about LotR, (for example, his racism topic. The Haradrim in TTT aren't even dark like they were in the book for this precise reason. He is joking) and compiles it into one "review."
How can you take him seriously?

Be upset at him for making a bad joke, maybe. But please stop thinking this is a serious essay!

[eleanor_niphredil]

I love the idea of them dropping Gimli along the way. I can see it now.

Legolas: pst, hey guys, he's not looking. Lets make a break for it!

Gimli: Guys? where are you? Are we playing hide and seek AGAIN?

Trade your Gimli in for a brand new latest modle Elf Archer. No refunds, but would you want one? smilies/biggrin.gif

Um...in case anyone didnt realise, I'm joking.

[eleanor_niphredil]

You guys obviously love this stuff, so here is more.
http://www.jimcalagon.supanet.com/review.htm

enjoy.

[dragoneyes]

That's still not that funny, I'm a hard one to make laugh (especially when I'm fully awake) at least that site makes it clear that it's not serious.

[Coral]

lol People are still coming to this thread, eh? I feel special *feels special*

[Eomer of the Rohirrim]

Well Coral, this is far longer than any thread I've started up! Well done.

And Orual, I don't mean to be offensive but you cannot seriously claim to know sarcasm yet still think that reviewer was being serious.

[Orual]

Eomer--

LoL! No offense taken. But believe me, I really do know sarcasm. Ask anybody who knows me. I never thought that the reviewer was being serious--just stupid and a little offensive. I really didn't find it funny. Well, the widescreen thing was a little funny. I never took it as a serious review--just as a very bad joke. Oh well, I guess it was intended for normal people. Poor normal people... smilies/rolleyes.gif

~*~Orual~*~

[The Saucepan Man]

Sarcasm is great when it's funny or used for some important purpose. When it's not, the user just ends up looking stupid - just like whoever put this together.

Undoubtedly, this was meant to be humorous, but it fails big time. So the bad taste ends up being just waht it is - bad taste.

[Blue Elf]

What nags me, is how far does someone go to be humorous?? I mean, some people have WAY too much time on their hands.

Maybe that's why homework was invented...

[Coral]

Well, if you even bothered to look at the rest of the site, you will see it is a parody site, which I find quite funny. So that article is just apart of it. uh huh...if that made any sense...

[hobbit punk]

Hmmmmmmm, well I enjoy a good laugh from time to time. I can appreciate sarcasm and parody of some of the things I love the most which definately includes LOTR smilies/biggrin.gif But this article wasn't all that well done, although I did like the bit about Arwen not being able to defeat the wraiths because she is a woman smilies/smile.gif I think that the guy who wrote this just wanted to **** off us Tolkien fans and didn't write the article in a true critical fashion. But try not to take it too seriously. He wants us to get mad and send him angry emails, so deny him the pleasure!

[Coral]

*pokes thread*
I think it's dead....and for the record, I thought the article was hilarious
smilies/biggrin.gif

[Sea Tiger]

HELLO!!!!!
The whole thing was based on a book.
Whoever wrote that obviously didn't bother to pay attention to what was going on.
Sea Tiger The Elf-Maiden Archer smilies/biggrin.gif

[Aduyuldaiel-MirkwoodPrincess]

...loser...

[Keeper of Dol Guldur]

I've never laughed that hard in my entire life! Oh wait- yes I have. But I haven't laughed that hard in awhile. Oh wait- yes I have. Um... I haven't laughed that hard in two days? Yeah, that works!

"Millions of copies of the LOTR DVD have thick black bars at the bottom and top of the screen throughout the film." ~ever heard of widescreen edition?

"I guess this movie takes place in a world where rings magically change sizes on their own." ~ Oh. My. God. I never knew that ME had magical artifacts! *laughes at my own cynicism and sarcastically disdainful post*

"Give me one reason that story couldn't have been told without all the fighting." ~1) THE WAR OF THE RING! Who's ever heard of a war with no fighting? Or do they want LOTR-gone-Disney, because we could e-mail this poor, poor man the link to that particular thread.

"If you watch closely during the Inn scene, Frodo and his crew are shown getting stabbed by the Ring Wraiths. Then, five seconds later, they are fine again." ~I never knew that hobbits were stuffed with feathers! Oh, I know- they must have had chicken for dinner.

"Liv Tyler's character is seen easily defeating nine strong supernatural beings, even though she is clearly a woman." ~point being?

"None of my reading on evolutionary biology reveals a single reason why a particular race of humans would develop unflammable facial hair as this would provide practically no advantage in either survival or mating." ~but I bet he's never read up on the evolutionary biology of 'unflammable facial hair' of WIZARDS. I repeat- not human. Come on, buddy, time to start crackin'.

"The "travelling on our quest through a corn field" scene was stolen from Shrek." ~*"Hobbits are like... onions. Not parfaits, not layer cake... onions."*

"Sorry, Mr. Jackson, but modern science has proven that in any modern civilization, hippies would be extinct." ~I happen to love VT, thank you very much.

"Why couldn't Bilbo have been played by Vin Diesel?" ~the slight height differential might have made it difficult

Ahh, me... I should really stay away from this type of thread. It amuses me far too much. I actually didn't realize that this was a joke until I read the dropping-Gimli part. Then I went back and actually started to find some of the stuff amusing. Not that amusing that I'd share it with friends... it's not worth the energy it would take to show them... Oh well. It was worth the laugh. My advice to the rest of the posters: when the start of a thread says "at your own risk" or anything of the sort, it usually means you may not like it. Also, (and it took me awhile to get this one down) NOT EVERY PERSON IN THE WORLD HAS THE SAME TASTE IN BOOKS! Ours is simply better than theirs! Lighten up.

[ArwenBaggins]

Homage or theft II?
The wise old wizard character was stolen from Harry Potter.

Homage or theft III?
The "travelling on our quest through a corn field" scene was stolen from Shrek.



I hope they know that both of these situations and movies were created 40 some years after LotR. I think of it more of the other way 'round.

[Luinalatawen]

This person either hates Tolkien and LotR, is trying WAY too hard to be humorous, or both.

[Arwen_Evenstar]

Ok, I KNOW the list was a joke but, lets say its real, this would be my retaliation:

2 REASON LOTR(the movie)RULES!
1. It is obviously far to superior for your peanut sized brains, so we can get a good laugh out of watching you trying to deciepher it.
2. Viggo Mortensen.

smilies/tongue.gif

EDIT:The fortress at Helm's Deep stands like a stoney island in a dark sea of Orc, spears bristling in the air like a stampede of huge porcupines if they somehow had spears instead of quills and clumps of Orc for bodies and weren't stampeding.
MY GOD THATS FUNNY! smilies/biggrin.gif

[ April 13, 2003: Message edited by: Arwen_Evenstar ]

[Ainaserkewen]

What the hell!!!
This isn't funny because it's wrong!
k, there are so many things wrong with this. If you're going to rewiew a movie based on a book, read the stupid book and all your naive questions will be answered! Did you write this Coral, cause it's frustrating!

[Lucinda]

The funniest thing has got to be the people who took this seriously! Its so obvious that its just a joke, which is what makes it funny!!! smilies/eek.gif

[dragoneyes]

I feel like we've been here before... Hmmm...

I like your retaliation though Arwen_Evenstar

[Rynoah, the Overly-Happy]

Look closely and you'll notice the human member of their party is played by two different actors at different points of the movie (it takes a sharp eye to notice, but one of them has red hair, one black).

*dies of laughter, reads it again and dies again* This guy's good!

The mutated muscular soldiers of Mordor turned out to be hilariously ineffective soldiers, a dozen of them held off by a single dying human. Apparently they made the beasts by crossing Orcs, Goblins and the French.

After reading this, how can you take this list seriously? I mean, the guy just made a comment about racism not five "reasons" above this. C'mon, now.

Every time Frodo or Bilbo went invisible with the ring they should have also gone BLIND. Your eyes cannot function unless light is reflected off the cornea. If light passes through it (as must be the case with invisibility) sight is no longer possible.

I do like the point they brought up here.

I guess elves have glands on their back that secrete arrows.

*falls to the floor laughing hysterically*

Why is the black octopus creature painted as the bad guy when it attacks, when one of the fellowship had clearly been throwing rocks at it?

That's right! I should start a "protest the cruelty to Watchers in the water" campaign! *cackles insanely*

Oh, and that review someone else posted was flat-out HILARIOUS! I think my favorite is:

Then they travel down a river in boats. Freddo isn't sure what to do with the ring, then this other guy, Borremeer who is with them, gets taken over by the dark side and tries to steal the ring.

*dies all over again*