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What was Bandobras Bullroarer Took's favourite sport before golf came about?

Foxy boxing. Few people know this, but part of the reason for such large hobbit families is that many male hobbits go to underground foxy boxing matches and come home very aroused.

Why did Legolas speak to Gimli of his "love of the lord of the white tree"?

Legolas loved himself very much. And he wanted to show it. But society encourages modesty and discourages arrogance. Little is it known that Lord of the White Tree is one of Legolas' titles.

Why did Melian marry Thingol?

Little is it know that he actually got paid to marry her. In all actuality it was a good sum of cash becuase no one else wanted to deal with her.

Why is Gloin still sour about King Thranduil, even though they patched everything up about the imprisionment?

12 Dwarves got good meals 3 times a day, but all Gloin ever got was piles of sour grapes.

^.^

What is Lembas made out of?

You know... stuff. Such as rainbows and unicorn and Gay Sharks also known as Dolphins. Oh and we can't forget the secret ingredient that is sunshine.

Why did Elrond choose to become an Elf

When it was time to choose, Elros put a gun to Elrond's head and told him to choose Elf. "I don't want to stay forever in this world", he said, "and I don't want you following me outside of it." So Elrond chose Elf.

Who is Ulmo?

Posiedon in diguise of course... how did you not connect that?

Why is going across Rohan known as going across the Riddermark?

Oh, because in the middle of Rohan there is a mark, that they just couldn't get ridder.


(And if that seems lame, bear in mind that you easily might've had a "Rindsay Rohan" gag instead, and nobody wants that.)


Why was the Arkenstone highly prized?

Not because it was of any real monetary value, but because all dwarves share a passion for things that are sparkly. Unfortunately, as no one has yet found a way to steal the Arkenstone from iddle-Earth and rid our world of Edward Cullen by giving him to the dwarves, we are still plauged by strange sparkling creaturs thjat are deluded that they are vampires, and the dwarves prize the Arkenstone as the epitome of all things sparkly.

Why did the Balrog run to the top of Zirak-Zigil during his fight with Gandalf?

Because it just wanted to be loved and noticed. (Though of course it didn't seem to realize that cruelty wasn't the right way to go about this voyage)

Why did the ring betray Isildur?

The ring betrayed Isildur because it was already in a love affair with Smeagol.

Why did Galadriel allow Elrond to marry Celebrian?

Umm, what about the previous question?

He was a rich man.

Neither. They were both quite ugly. But also rich.

Q: Who is the strongest being in Middle-Earth?

Who is the strongest being in Middle-Earth?

Grima Wormtounge. Perhaps not physically, but emotionally.

Why did the Balrog come after the Company?

He wanted to ask them if they knew where he put his hearing aid. The poor old chap lost it somewhere in his large dwelling and was hoping that the strangers saw it on their way. Unfortunately, without the hearing aid, the Balrog could not hear Gandalf's "you cannot pass".

When and where did Sauron lose his finger?

How is he suppose to know. As long as he could remember he never saw it.

Why was the Balrog not allowed to pass?

He didn't have a passport and lost his driver's licence - his last ID - somewhere on the way.

(I hope Boro and Fea are reading ;) *evil grin*)


How old is Treebeard?

Who said he was old? Maybe he is really young, a reincarnation that remembers his past lives.

Why does Elrond remember 3,000 years ago and then some?

After about 100,000 years of life it's understandable that his memory begins to falter, so he only remembers the last three thousand of them or so.

Who were Queen Beruthiel and her cats?

Catwoman and her feline minions, of course! What else could they possibly be?

Why did Elladan and Elrohir save their mother, rather than Elrond saving his wife?

Oh but you see, Elrond actually didn't have a wife. He had a love affair with Celebrian that was hidden from common knowledge. It would not look well for him to go to her rescue, but it would be ok for the twins.


How are Arwen and Aragorn related?

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How are Arwen and Aragorn related?

They are first cousins. Though a first-cousin marriage is legal in the ME equivalent of Massachusetts (which would be Rivendell), it is frowned upon and considered disgusting. Therefore, that is why they wedded in the ME equivalent of Mississippi(Gondor), where it is technically illegal, but nobody cares and so they lived happily incestuous.

Why did Bilbo and Frodo never wed?

Q. Why did Bilbo and Frodo never wed?

A. Because Frodo was already in love with Sam

Q. What does Tuniviel mean in Elvish (or whatever language it is in)

It means "begone" in Berengonemad language.


How many languages does Gandalf know?

He knows Entish, Sindirian Quenya, the speech of Gondor, the speech of Rohan, Valinorian, the Common Tounge, and every obscure language known to Man, Elf, or Ent. The only languages he doesn't know are Dwarvish and Klangon.

How did Bard the Bowman die?

Slowly and painfully.

Where did the Elves awake?

Q. Where did the elves awake?

A. Somewhere

Q. How old is Eowyn?

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How old is Eowyn?

This is a little-known fact, but Eowyn is an Entwife in disguise. She is actually the daughter of Fangorn, and thus she is many tens of thousands of years old.

How did Elros die? (Other than slowly and painfully, G55, you dang sadist):eek:

Quickly and painlessly? :p

Alright, alright. He, ahh, he thought he would try parachuting off Meneltarma. But while he was flying in the air, an Eagle of Manwe took him for, well, someone other than Elros...

What is the tallest mountain in the legendarium?

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What is the tallest mountain in the legendarium?

Mount Taco
(Sorry, I'm hungry. Anyone got a taco with mushrooms?)

Why did Galadriel dress Gandalf and Aragorn in white?

She mistook them for to-be-wed maidens. Gave them bridal dresses, you know.

Why do hobbits have hairy feet?

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Why do hobbits have hairy feet?

They actually don't. The thing is, since they don't have brains enough to wear shoes, they have wigs for their feet to keep them warm. They glue them on, then can't take them off in summer when their feet are too hot.

Why did Beren address Luthien as Tunivel?

He was actually about to practice a spell he recently learned of how to turn people into birds. He wanted to try it on his first victim and turn her into a Nightingale.


Q: How did Boromir find Imladris?

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How did Boromir find Imladris?

He's old-school. Everyone uses Google Maps now, but he used Mapquest.

Why did Gilraen bring Aragorn to Imladris?

So that he could find it and place its location on Mapquest, so that Boromir would eventually find it too.

"Hey, ho! To the bottle I go" - which bottle is that?

Jack Sparrow's bottle of rum, which was taken to Isengard.

What else besides the hobbits was (being) taken to Isengard?

Something that Legolas was clearly nearsighted enough not to see.

What did Pippin see in the palantir?

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What did Pippin see in the palantir?

What every little hobbit dreams about: A lifetime supply of Mushrooms. He was devastated because he could not tell where the mushrooms were.

Why did Ralph Bakshi neglect to put pants on Aragorn?

Ranger has no pants. Ranger needs no pants.


Where did Faramir learn all his lore?

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Where did Faramir learn all his lore?

Bazooka bubblegum wrapper

Why did Eowyn turn into a happy little angel when she had Faramir's love?

The whole trick is that Faramir's love has a few side effects; for example, whenever someone has it they are drowsy, may have an upset stomach, and always turn into a happy little angel.

What did Arwen wear for her weding?