Where's the idiot who interpreted Malbeth's cryptic prediction to mean: 'sunny battle weather'...

Cunning Plan
 

Baldrick explains his stratagem to King Theoden.

"You see sir, the Orcs will believe that this turnip is in fact an army of Elves, if I cut it into really small pieces and carve cross faces and pointy ears on the front..."

"Alas," Theoden mutters grimly. "Now I lack both the old and new counsellors, and must make do with younder mooncalfed clod..."

touchy sprinkler system...
 

Theoden: "Gamling. Tell the men that the next one that has the brains to light up is going to get a volley in his direction."

Gamling: "With all due respect sire, if you think I'm going down the corner shop in this weather, you're sorely mistaken. Get that niece of yours to fetch your Curly Wurly and ten Benson".

Theres breath in the old joke yet!
 

Theoden saw not only Gandalf the grey uncloaked, but also the whole Orc army. As you can image, he'll need counselling for quite a while. :p

The Rohirrim, like the Agents in the Matrix, are renowned for not acknowledging water falling from the sky in various forms.

Theoden: come on Uruk-Hai...get a nasty cold...come on....

Theoden and Gamling react to yet another "Gandalf The Grey uncloaked" joke.
(just kidding Hookbill :D )

Gamling: Cheer up! At least it's not hailing, right?

Or...

Theoden: Give them the valley.
Gamling: Sire?
Theoden: Oops, did I say that out loud? I meant "A Volley".

Theoden: "Look, see that Orc there on that hillock without a helmet? There's one Orc as stupid as we are, not wearing a helmet in the rain."

The battle was doomed, after all, Theoden couldn't stand the smell of wet dog.

or

Theoden: Gentlemen, lend me your shields so that I may make a marvelous canopy only for me and my protection.

*Theoden spots the large Uruk-hai horde*
Theoden: Gamling...I think you better cancel the Tea and Crumpets Society meeting tonight.

Gamling: Not to be a pessimist, my lord, but I don't think this "Stand-Under-a-Sprinkler-to-Look-Menacing" plan won't work. :p

Theoden sighs. He just realized that his new perm is ruined.

It's raining, it's pouring.
 

Theoden: (Thinking) I'm forgetting something...yes, what was it? I turned off the all the lights, locked the doors, watered the flowers...Oh Bollocks I forgot to feed the Cat...

And on two side notes: 1) Nilpaurion Felagund, ew...*smiles*
and 2) Whenever I watched the movie all I got from Theoden's expression was "Oh crap..."

PJ decided to have Arwen come to Helm's Deep after all. And she was wearing a white cloak.

Theoden looking at the Orc Army: I think we'll need some more plates and knives. And Bilbo thought 13 Dwarves were difficult to cater for! :o

Gamling: Hailing frequencies are open, my lord.

Théoden: Oh, Shut up Gamling. That wasn't funny three minuets ago; it’s not funny now! :p

Theoden and The Uruk-hai chieftain agree to settle the dispute the old fashioned way....a staring contest!

Theoden: Damn rain... my joints have seized up. :(

Theoden: Agh! A new picture please! this rain is rustin' me arms up!

http://www.elobelisco.net/CINE/JPG/Boromir.jpg

Boromir's secret Alcohol addiction was getting out of hand at Amon Hen.


_

Sean could blow his horn all he liked, but Joely Richardson wasn't going to turn up in this woodland.

Theoden "Gissa job, go on giss us one"

Boromir 1, The statue was the best audience Boromir would ever get for his rendition of "ein HeldenLeben" - normally he had ot hope for people who were merely stone-deaf...

Boromir 2, Boromir was just about to wind his horn when he was horrified to discover one of those pesky hobbits had switched his sword for a rolled up newspaper

After summoning a broken stone statue, a pesky butterfly and a confused retired hunting hound, Boromir was just about ready to give up on that Army of the West.

Sean Bean needed a few sips of the strong stuff before accepting his next role in National Treasure

TB12

Bereaved
 

Boromir was inconsolable when his pet Oliphaunt "Tiny" died. He kept one of its tusks and kissed it in moments of stress.

Too distracted by his horn blowing, Boromir failed to notice the stone man who was fast making off with his wallet!

Theoden pic
 

Theoden: "Great. So I got the whole country all freaked out, mustered what men I could, traveled the dangerous path to Helm's Deep, and induced an army of elves to come all the way from Lothlorien to fight an army of 10,000 Uruk-Hais...that are armed with waterguns. Elrond will not be pleased."

Not Again!
 

Boromir: None shall pass.

And well know the rest... :p

Boromir: "Curses! Foiled again - the toy shop promised that the bubble-horn would work this time!"


-alternate-

Boromir [internal monologue]: "Those hobbits.. so darn proud of their little pipes.. let's see them top the size of this one!"

-appendix to alternate-

Boromir: "Heh.. heheh.. mine's so much bigger than theirs.."

Surrounded by logos and panicky, Boromir was forced to blow his horn for help.

Little boy blue come blow your horn...
sheeps in the meadow, hobbits in corn

Boromir tried with no success to wake up the statue by blowing his horn.

Stone Statue: Because that's soo much better there, mister size 8 feet.

Boromir grimaces as he mistakenly puts Denethor's ear trumpet to his lips.

Boromir: That folks, was my rendition of "You're The Inspiration". I wanna thank you all for coming on out tonight and seeing me. And now I'll just keep this mood flowing with my next selection entitled..."This Magic Moment."

Boromir calls for aid after somehow stabbing himself in the arm...