Happy Birthday Phantom and Alien!
 

Look at this:

http://i18.tinypic.com/4y4tjxd.jpg

Isn't that great? :D

It be that time again, people!

http://i9.tinypic.com/54jh4lu.jpg

And it is fitting that the Phantom and Alien have their 50th edition a week after their first anniversary!

http://i9.tinypic.com/62j2ii0.jpg

:D :D :D

We finally know the truth about their relationship!

I'm thrilled to be included in this week's comic. Alas, it is true, I'm not a real psychiatrist. Thankfully, we Downers have Kath, who will be fully qualified to weed out the nutty amongst us in a couple of years.

Run for your lives.

The truth behind their relationship? I was hoping the only 'truth' you'd get would be a sort of background to episode 1. :D

I almost forgot to mention, that is supposed to be Formy in the comic as well. :rolleyes: I originally drew him as the Pope, but wasn't sure if he's appreciate it. Let's hope he doesnt feed me to a bin for this outrage.

So you're saying in a couple of years the Downs will be empty? :eek: :p

I think The Downer is taking a worrying turn towards the Daily Mail with all this business about wheelie bins...though of course this does give Mr Editor the chance for some amusingly paranoid headlines... ;)

"Evil genius takes over world" not paranoid enough for you? :p

He needs to be an evil genius claiming £5,000 a week in benefits to be really Daily Mail though. :D Or maybe "Evil genius takes over world. And drops his litter on the street!"

Interesting to finally find out how it all started...
Though one thing got me confused...was it an uncle or an aunt...?

It was aunt. Aunt Bob. I think it's said clearly...

Yes, but the priest says that HE was a good MAN...
Which kind of makes me wonder what genders phantoms have...

And another thing...how does Alien know Phantom's name?

The Might, you're taking this all too seriously. Besides which, how do you know the phantom's name? :p

Well, that's because, unlike others, I are serious!

And about the name...think I made a good guess.

Btw, I really liked the title about the file of Galadriel :D

That one is a Headline written by the phantom himself, no less. :smokin:
Sorry, I keep forgetting to credit him.

Moving on to more News
 

They say that the best lies have an element of truth. But The Downer wouldn't know anything about that...
Thanks to Diamond for the second story.

http://i16.tinypic.com/61ug394.jpg

I think it's about time we had a Dragon in The Phantom and Alien, don't you?

http://i9.tinypic.com/662cdbl.jpg

Bin Laden With Guns Captured on Downs!
 

By Michel Delving
A bin full of guns was captured by the dauntless heroes of the Barrow-Downs Police Force yesterday. While Eomer of the Rohirrim was filming an inane video for his Facebook page, he noticed a bin creeping in the bushes. He crept over to take a closer look and guess what he saw? It was a bin full of guns leaving a trail of blood behind it. As a trained police professional, he ran home crying for his mommy, who called the Police for reinforcements. The only person available was a drug Sting officer. He lured the terrifying Bin to a trap by singing a famous stalker anthem. The Sting officer hauled the bin to jail, where he awaits trial. "This is a great step forward in the war against terrifying bins, now that we know that bins really are the menace they've been claimed to be, now get out of my face you $@$#$ pests!" DCI Lalwende commented. The bin's family was not available for comment.

hot off the press...
 

YOUNG TURIN SLAYS GARDEN SLUG

Hurin’s heir, Turin, is off to a magnificent start on his road to manhood according to friends and family. “The boy’s only three years old, and he already has a great killer instinct,” boasted Morwen, Turin’s mother. “The way he handled that slug- I really think it’s a sign of greater things to come.”

Woodcutter Sador agreed. “He didn’t show any fear at all. Most of the kids around here think big slugs are gross and don’t want to get anywhere near them, but Turin is never afraid to stand his ground and look an enemy in the eye.”

King Fingon, who happened to be in the neighborhood for a conference, said that Turin has all the makings of a great general. “Oh, yes, his father told me all about the slug incident. I can’t tell you how impressed I was by the planning that Turin put into the deed. It was sheer genius, what he did with that board.”

According to witnesses of the event, which took place last Saturday, Turin used a small carving knife to cut a trench across a board, and then set the board in the slug’s path. The slug crawled onto the board, and when it reached Turin’s cut, it attempted to stretch across to the other side, exposing its vulnerable belly. And that’s when Turin struck.

“Fantastic strategy!” gushed Hurin. “He got the slug to stretch out over the notch, then he slid his knife down into the notch and slashed up at the slug’s underside. The slug never had a chance.”

“It’s incredible that he already has an understanding of combat strategy,” observed Huor, Turin’s uncle. “Surprising a foe from an unexpected angle and using the landscape to exploit an enemy’s weakness are tactics that can be used throughout life against all sorts of opponents.”

But young Turin is not without critics. Melkor and members of his Angband staff have long held that the House of Hador is "totally weak", and say that Turin’s latest achievement changes nothing. Glaurung, Melkor’s head dragon, was particularly critical during a press conference yesterday. “Frankly, I’m amazed it worked. He was lucky the slug crawled onto the board in the first place, and even luckier that it didn’t just go around the trench. That’s certainly what I would’ve done.”

Melkor seconded Glaurung’s words, calling Turin’s strategy “ridiculous” and "infantile", and insisted that such an approach was useless on a larger scale. “Even if it is a good slug-killing maneuver, what does that matter? It’s not as if he could kill a dragon like that.”

When informed of Melkor's words, young Turin fired back, calling Melkor a "big meanie" and "poo-poo head". When asked about Glaurung, the three-year old boldly declared he would, upon reaching manhood, "stab him in the eyeball". Turin's family applauded the boy's words- all except his Aunt Aerin. "I don't like all this warlike talk," Aerin told reporters this morning. "He's only three! Yet he's already killing things, boasting, getting into verbal fights with dragons, and being called a warrior by his family. With a childhood like this, he can only expect to have a short, violent, and tragic life."

Whose words will prove true? We here at the Downer can't wait to find out.

tp, that was hilarious. And disturbing. Get more sleep.

So does that mean I'm disturbingly hilarious, or hilariously disturbed?

But sleep? Sorry, that's out of the question. Now- lying in bed trying to sleep... that I can do. I've been practicing for a week.

Glad you enjoyed the article though. I've got another one coming soon. It's very disturbing. And, I hope, somewhat entertaining.

You got me freaked out for a mo there - "Bin Laden with Guns..." I thought a certain elusive terrorist mastermind had been behind the 'forbidden' episode the other day for a minute! :eek:

Going to the polls is not an option
 

YES, The Downer has the exclusive on the crisis in the Dragon's Realm!

http://i17.tinypic.com/5yi0x10.jpg

I think I should point out that there is officially a completely white room in The Phantom's house where he has most of his conversations with Alien. :D

http://i19.tinypic.com/4oslapg.jpg

I for one, think that's a fantastic use of that much money. :p

I agree - for once, Alien's done something cool and helpful (in my view... who wouldn't want a walking house?)

You're all forgetting that £5,000 is no where near enough money to build a walking house with Lazar guns and a mini bar. He probably payed for the rest of it with phantom's life savings. :D

where the shadows run
 

I'm a bit confused, as I often am these days. Is there anything intrinsically different between a white room and a white house? And does it have black curtains? And should I be thinking of Eric Clapton or Someone Else? It's a war edition after all.

The intrinsic difference would be that a white room is just one room where as a house is the whole house. I like to imagine that the white room has no windows, just one trap door in the ceiling and bright lights everywhere. :D

But once again, I think we're delving too deeply into silly details. :p

Whatever the white-room situation, I'm glad that Downsland uses the British pound - none of this new-fangled 'dollar' nonsense.

I did take some time to consider what currency to use. I even tried to invent a new one, but thought it would just complicate things. I think the currency I invented was called 'Globdules' or something. The Symbol was ♪
I think the exchange rate was along the lines of ♪1 = £40
You know what, I think I'll start using Globdules in more Downer articles

EDIT:

100 Groats (g)= ♪1

If it was Dollars or Euros then Alien would never have been able to afford a walking house with laser guns - he'd have been lucky to afford a second hand Robin Reliant ;)

I like how the Downer is to all intents and purposes a free newspaper! It would certainly be a major improvement on Metro; how about suggesting this to our bus companies, Mr Hookbill? ;)

Well, it still sounds like something expandable, made with some kind of material like Alice's mushroom. Serious Cat are Cheshire?

I grok groats.

Raise your pipes!
 

Once again we delve into the weird and wondrous world of journalism and insanity.

http://i11.tinypic.com/4q6wygy.jpg

This week, we meet the phantom's grandfather.

http://i14.tinypic.com/5xrc5le.jpg

"Next week we invade Iceland or maybe Norway."

My original plan to take over the world began in much the same way. What a coincidence. About time we Downers started to take over...

I KNEW those penguins were up to something... No wonder Lommy denied it, she was in on the plot!

Mwahahaaaa! :D

an interview with Manwe...
 

MANWE TO ADOPT ZEUS METHOD OF ARDA MANAGEMENT

After years of humble, chaste, timid, and generally boring world Kingship, Manwe has decided to remake his leadership style. “I realize now the flaws in my old style,” said Manwe during his exclusive interview with The Downer. “It was my fault that Melkor got out of hand. Melkor always looked powerful and impressive, and did things to wow the crowds. That's why he had so many followers. If I had only done the same sorts of things, he never would’ve had so many minions,” said Manwe with regret. “Also, he let his flaws show through. Me, on the other hand- I always acted so sickeningly perfect. And the fact is, people love a flawed hero. I should’ve thrown a few tantrums and maybe destroyed a mountain range or two. It would have got me points with many of the Ainur.”

Later in the interview, Manwe berated himself for never using his gift of creation. “I’ve been such a big zero! Varda made the stars, Yavanna made the two trees, Aule made the dwarves, but me… I’ve created nothing! Melkor and Sauron created and tinkered with Orcs, Trolls, Dragons, Vampires, and Werewolves, but I haven’t so much as baked a cake!”

According to Manwe, it was while contemplating his lack of creation that he thought of Zeus, the ruling god in Greek legends. “I realized that Zeus was exactly who I wanted to be,” said Manwe. “He was an active force in the world, always throwing his weight around, and creating. Or, more specifically, procreating.” Manwe went on to say that his change of management style would put a strong emphasis on procreation. “Zeus sired offspring that did all sorts of wonderful things. Some became gods and helped manage the world, and others became evil-destroying heroes! Just imagine how things could’ve been different here in Arda had there been a couple dozen half-Vala superheroes running around Beleriand in the first age.”

Manwe said there was no set timetable, but promised that he would be working on having Elf, Man, Dwarf, and Hobbit children very soon, and that these children would have a positive effect on the world in general. When asked if there were any other motivating factors contributing to his desire for offspring, Manwe, who had been staring hungrily at a passing Elf-maid, answered, “Erm, ahem, of course not. No, no, I’m only doing this for the purpose of helping the world.”

When asked to comment on Manwe’s new philosophy, Varda gave a sour look, and said, “Well, he certainly seems to be a fan of Zeus. Me- I've always liked Hera.” The Queen of the Stars then began cackling uncontrollably, and waved off further questions.

The other Valar refused to comment altogether, except Aule, who had this to say. "You go back and tell that nutcase that it can't be done! I can't 'forge' lightning bolts for him! Lightning isn't friggin' metal! And I'm not forging a giant trident for Ulmo. He doesn't want it! And my name is 'Aule'! Not 'Hephaestus'! Tell that old bat to quit calling me that!"

If you don't keep up with the news, you'll not know who's in charge!

http://i10.tinypic.com/4kl79ra.jpg

Look out now for the new police uniforms on the Downs...

http://i18.tinypic.com/6azq78o.jpg

I bet that copper in Alien's cartoon still has his earplugs in and is in constant contact with police radio, so of course he's not awol when he does the stuff.

Alien's cartoon? I'm sure the phantom will take issue with you there. ;)

Quite right. "The Phantom and Alien", not "Alien and The Phantom".

If anyone besides myself could claim the cartoon, it would be Hook- not the green slimeball. He's taken enough from me already. Don't allow him to steal the cartoon.

Oh alright already. I suppose I should have said,

Or