Q - Why is hobbit hair curly?

A - No one invented a comb in Hobbiton.



Why are the Elves mostly archers, the humans swordsmen and do dwarves wield the axe?

Quote:

Why are the Elves mostly archers, the humans swordsmen and do dwarves wield the axe?

*Ignores grammar errors*

When each race was created, the Valar assigned them a weapon and told them that they would not find eternal happiness if they used another weapon.

Why do dwarves wear their beards so long?

Q - Why do dwarves wear their beards so long?

A - None of the dwarves looked as good as Dopey. The beards were a beautification.


Where did Gandalf The Grey go to become The White?

In a giant washtub with lots of soap.

Why was Gandalf returned to Middle Earth?

Sequels.

Why does Tom Bombadil wear a blue jacket and yellow boots?

Because that's all his eccentric aunt sent him to wear when he told her he needed clothes. Notice the lack of pants?

Why does Elrond have grey eyes?

Why does Elrond have grey eyes?

They were green but he looked too hard at Gandalf the Grey and... poof!




Why were Tom Bombadil and Glorfindel not featured in the PJ movie trilogy?

Because they were too busy playing chess to pick up the phone when PJ called

Why is Arwen near-useless?

Why is Arwen near-useless?

She's a couple thousand years long in the tooth, that's why.




Who or what were the Nazgul originally?

Telemarketers.

Why doesn't anybody like the Nazgul?

They smell bad.

Why did Gandalf break Saruman's staff?

He wouldn't share! If he wasn't going to play nicely, he wasn't going to play at all. *humph! pout.*

What is Gondor's national amthem?

"Ride a cock horse to Banbury Cross."

What is a cock horse?

Quote:

What is a cock horse

It's a Maeras wearing a rooster as a hat.

How old is Gandalf?

When most mountains were pebbles, Gandalf roamed the land.



Why does one not simply walk into Mordor?

Because it's hard to get past all the orcs who are dancing to Gangham Style.

What is Elrond's favorite color?

Black



How old was Frodo when he got the ring from Bilbo?

Who knows? You can never tell with a Time Lord!

What's REALLY in Lembas?

Crocodile droppings. Who could have guessed that Silverlode is really the Nile?


What did Bilbo give for the Dwarves to eat when they all unexpectedly came to his house?

Year old Lembas in skunk sauce.


How did Smeagol survive for so long under the ground?

Quote:

How did Smeagol survive for so long underground?

He had a magic plate that he stole from Hogwarts that kept refilling with sandwiches, as well as a goblet that kept refilling with iced pumpkin juice.

What did Gandalf wear to the Council? (Please, no "uncloaking" jokes here; something origional!)

His Balrog proof Magneto Helmet.



How old was Legolas when he met Aragorn for the first time?

Seven, almost eight! (Hundred)

What color was the pipe that Merry gave Gimli?

Blue and white, with red stripes, and two golden bells a-hanging.


How did the fellowship of the Nine be chosen, and on what merit?

Eenie, meenie, minie, mo; catch a tiger by the toe...

What color is Gimli's hair?

Q. What colour is Gimli's hair?

A. You mean his real hair? I dunno, he wears a wig.

Q. Why is Mordor surrounded by mountains?

The mountains help to keep Mount Doom's heat in.


Why did the Fellowship go into Moria?

When they were deciding upon their route, they threw a dart at a map, and that's where it landed.

How long did Frodo live in the Valinor?

Five hundred twenty-five thousand six hundred minutes.

Where did the Last Ship sail to?

The last port of call.

How does The Hobbit end?

A: Bilbo lived to the end of his days.

Q: how many kills did the Mumakil give to Legolas?

Quote:

how many kills did the Mumakil give to Legolas?

None. Gimli revoked any non-orc kills from Legolas's count, so he would be less shamed in the race.

And welcome to BD, nice name! :)

How far did Aragorn toss Gimli?

Just into the nearest ditch.


How did Turin kill Glaurung?

He started singing, so Galrung killed himself to escape it.

How old was Thranduil when he fathered Legolas?

The truth is that Thranduil is actually not Legolas' father, and Legolas was born a few months before Thranduil.


Where did Boromir seek for the Sword That Was Broken?

Q. Where did Boromir seek for the Sword That Was Broken?

A. At the second hand shop

Q. Who is Gimli's mother?

A: His father. The other bearded guy on the family portrait might have been his other parent.

Q: How many Balrogs does it take to pass the Bridge of Khazad-dum?

As many as you like. They aren't getting over while Gandalf the Grey is alive to stop them! Oh, wait...

What does Elrond use as a bed?

Believe it or not, he actually uses a bed.

Who lives in Minas Morgul?

The undead, naturally.

Now I want to know- what is Sauron's favorite opera?