so that he could gather a bottle of white ash to take home and show Rosie!

Why would Gandalf pull his chin hairs into a pony-beard?

[ October 27, 2002: Message edited by: Rose, the youngest ]

Otherwise the static electricity makes it go everywhere. It gets into everything when it does that.

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Why didn't Sam get on the boat at the Grey Havens?

because he had a very bad case of seasickness. (ok bad i know)
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why did Merry get all mad at the Lord of the Nine???

Because the Lord of the Nine stole his favorite stuffed animal - a pink bunny. [img]smilies/eek.gif[/img]


What did Durin's folk awake in the depths of Khazad-dum?

A very, very, VERY, cranky Galadriel. She had been taking her beauty sleep and she was very angry at being awakened. Her hair spray accidently got set on fire by an Orc, and that's why the Fellowship thought they were being pursued by a Balrog.

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Who was "Sharky"?

[ October 28, 2002: Message edited by: Eruhen ]

I notice that someone else got in there first, which will teach me to be so long-winded. I hope that you'll forgive my posting my answer anyway, since I quite liked it.

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In Tolkien's only recorded foray into Lovecraftian fan-fiction, their excavations were guided by Nyarlathotep into awakening Cthulhu himself. Initially the Old One helped the Dwarves of Moria (albeit unintentionally) by eating the Balrog, whose protection racket was bleeding their Mithril stocks dry; but ultimately he will destroy the world. Until then, as the Watcher in the Water, he sleeps and waits for some fool to wake him.
Later study of the Book of Mazarbul revealed the telling couplet
Either that or it was Elvis. [img]smilies/wink.gif[/img]

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"Sharkey" was a semi-mythical being, who was rumoured to lurk in the background of any conversation, occasionally removing the impolite and foolish from existence.

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What sort of dwelling is favoured by Ents?

[ October 28, 2002: Message edited by: Squatter of Amon Rudh ]

Termite mounds. And that's why you never see an Ent to this very day.

Big, but stupid, those Ents.

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Why did Rosie wait for Sam?

She didn't want to: she was as afraid of being left on the shelf as any Hobbit-lass, it's just that the wooden leg, glass eye and facial warts tended to put off a lot of men. Sam could see through that to the fact that she had good child-bearing hips and was a better cook than he. [img]smilies/wink.gif[/img]

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Who was the first Elf encountered by the Fellowship as they entered Lothlórien?

It was Gil the Bouncer. Tough nut to crack, that Gil. First he accused the hobbits of having bogus I.D. Then Legolas kept saying "check the guest list again" while trying to read the names over his shoulder. And none of them were really dressed right for Lothlorien, anyway.

But eventually Aragorn just slipped him a fistful of silver pennies, which got their hands stamped, and they were in the door.

But the band sucked, and it was too early for anything to be really happening, so they headed back over to Moria to see if if they could catch up with Gandalf again.

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What was a "proper 1420"?

[ October 28, 2002: Message edited by: Birdland ]

A 14-20 was, of course, the Hobbit version of the popular 18-30 Holiday Packages available from any disreputable travel agency. Typically, an appropriately aged group of young Stoors, Harfoots or Fallohides, would journey to Rivendell or Lothlorien, under the auspices of some older Hobbit mentors (as old as 30!). There they would sample the delights of miruvor in great quantities, vomit copiously and talk a great deal about procreation.

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How did the Elves forge weaponry and armour in their beautful wooded abodes, without the risk of fire and the noise/smell/effects of pollution?

They were using the Mary-Sue Industries Type #520 smokeless, heatless forge: all the back-to-basics genuine craftsmanship of a real blacksmith's forge, but it doesn't soil one's delicate samite sleeves. Indeed the user exits smelling of apple blossom due to the AromaTech (TM) air-freshening device, which is an optional extra that no Elf would be without.

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What were the social, political and economic effects of Sauron's downfall in the 100 years following the War of the Ring?

Mr. Squatter! Is this - like - a multiple choice question?

Essay? What it's count towards our final grade? That much?

OK, social, political, and economic effects of the fall of Sauron...Well, they got a king out of the deal. That was pretty sweet. And people were traveling around a lot more, what with the Orcs kinda dying off and all, so you had a lot more trade and tourism, which meant that everyone was spending money and buying on credit. So the economy was really jumping.

Socially it was kinda a bummer, cause the Elves were all leaving and they always threw the best parties. But that left plenty of room for Men to move into the neighborhoods that the Elves left behind, so everyone was buying these flets and Baranduin riverside condos at fire sale prices, so socially everyone was pretty happy, even without the Elves, (except the popular music was pretty lame, so most people just preferred to listen to Elven "oldies")

Anyway, the first 100 years after Sauron was wacked were pretty good. But then the Second Great Plague of F.A. 110 struck. After that everything pretty much sucked again.

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Did the One Ring really like Frodo, or was it just stringing him along?

Well, Frodo was really cute y'know, but so SERIOUS? M'god, what a wet blanket. But heck, I was on the rebound after being dumped by Bilbo of all people! WELL, I shoulda left that geezer a long time before that, so there, but stability, a comfortable life.. you know how it gets. *blows bubble and pops it.* Now Sam was really sweet, it's too bad you couldn't have Frodo's looks with Sam's personality, eh? But still the Nazgul were so COOL, and then there was Gollum which, you know, we'd been together so long, but... been there, done that... anyhow, Isildur was a great fling, but not really my type, too rough, so I had to dump him of course, but when I met Boromir he kinda reminded me - ? So I guess I had some regrets about that. But I'm kinda glad I didn't get taken up with him, we all know how THAT would'a ended. But Sauron... Sauron... sigh... you know, it's the bad boys you can never forget, right?

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What did Sam dream of in Tom Bombadil's house?

[ October 29, 2002: Message edited by: Marileangorifurnimaluim ]

That he won victory in battle, crushed his enemies and heard the lamentation of their women. World domination in its most brutal and primitive form.

He was something of a dark horse behind that solid rustic façade, was Master Samwise.

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Why was it that the Barad Dûr collapsed when the Ring was destroyed?

Termites. The fact that Barad Dûr collapsed at the same time as the destroying of the ring is purely coincidental.
..::Why didn't Gandalf want Legolas to go see the ents after the battle at Helm's Deep?::..

Gandalf thought he was still too young to watch automn leafstrip-tease shows yet

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Why did Frodo sell Bag-End?

Because that rascal Will Whitfoot had Bilbo declared legally dead. The death-duties were crippling, so Frodo had to sell the place to Shire Heritage to cover them.

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From which race did the Mouth of Sauron spring?

from the Triathalon.

~~~~~~~~~~

What do orcs do in their spare time?


Tharkûn

Sit in front of their cozy fires, sipping Chardonnay in their evening clothes, discussing the mysteries of Middle-Earth and Aman.

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Why did Mount Doom erupt when the Ring was destroyed?

Gollum gave it a seriously bad case of indigestion.

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What was the real reason Legolas didn't translate the Lament for Gandalf, and what were the lyrics, anyway????

Question one: Because Legolas couldn't understand it.

Question two: "I know that you're leaving/You must have your reasons/The season is calling/Your pictures are falling down..."
_____________________________

Where did Aragorn go before the Nazgul attacked on Weathertop?

~*~Orual~*~

**By the way, the lyrics are from "D@mmit (Growing up)" by blink-182.**

To take a pee.

Why did Galadriel give Boromir a belt?

Because Boromir was going through a punk phase and wore really baggy pants, of which Galadriel did not approve. She was giving him a not-so-subtle hint.
..::Why did Thorin want the Arkenstone so badly?::..

it was all he could think of after seeing this...
http://forum.wormbaby.com/avatar.php...ine=1036023706
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which of the dwarves is in that picture?

Sneezy obviously, but that's not his best side.

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What is Deadman's Dike?

Deadman's Dike is one of the places where Calvin and Hobbes like to sled.

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How do Ents feel about Orcs?

[ October 30, 2002: Message edited by: Diamond18 ]

Well, first you have to wait until the Orcs are asleep...

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Why was Fatty Bolger crying "No, no, no! Not me! I haven't got it!"?

Fatty had bad gambling debts from betting on the pony races at the Brandywine track. He had fallen behind on his payments to 'Nick the Nose', despite the valuables he'd nicked from Brandy Hall and Frodo's stuff from Bag End.

He was terribly relieved to learn it was just Black Riders after Frodo, and gladly pointed them on their way.

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What else did Gandalf find in the dusty Library under Minas Tirith?

[ October 31, 2002: Message edited by: Marileangorifurnimaluim ]

He found a Mary-Sue Industries Type X-1000 Whole Citadel vacuum system, that's what! Unfortunately, it wasn't working; the owner's manual having been lost through the ages. That explained all the dust, ya know.

But after some careful research by Gandalf, a penny in the fuse box soon put things to right, and the White City once again lived up to its name.

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Why did Sam interrupt the discussion between Frodo and Faramir?

He was trying hard to enjoy watching his favorite show on portable TV he was carrying inside his cooking gear - Cook Your Master With Roots, and they were distracting his attention


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How did Gandalf know Bilbo had some cold chicken in his cellar?

He could smell it; unfortunately, the cellar wasn't that cold, and the chicken had been there for several days...

° ° ° ° ° ° ° ° ° ° ° ° ° ° °

What did Gwaihir answer when Gandalf asked him to carry him one more time?

he was grinning and saying something along the lines of:

gocha dude! you like me taxi service, don't ya? just pay, dude, me can take ya anywhere. How far d'ya say ya wanna go? Lorien? that's gonna be 50$, ya know.


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Why on earth was Bard taking a walk by night and in such a cold weather, if he were a decent chap?

[ October 31, 2002: Message edited by: HerenIstarion ]

Well, you see, he had an older brother who had been gone for quite some time, and he was kinda hoping to see a funeral boat float up from Mirkwood at any moment.

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Who is Elbereth Gilthoniel?

Elbereth Gilthoniel was the first governor of the Shire, campaigning with the slogan "From Bree to the Sea with El.B.G."! (which really made no sense at all, but was extremely catchy).

He served one term, and his wife, Lady Bug, was responsible for the popular "Beautify the Shire" campaign, eliminating the billboards on the Greenway and putting a stop to uncontrolled burrowing.

El.B.G political career was ruined when he was caught picking up his children by their ears.

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As Frodo was sailing away from the Havens, what did Sam see him hold up?

[ October 31, 2002: Message edited by: Birdland ]

Argyle socks!!!!! Three pairs in assorted sizes and colors, that is. It was to remind Sam that someday he too would make the journey, and then the three Hobbits, Frodo, Bilbo and Sam, would all be wearing argyle socks together.

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What is Bree called in Elvish?

Answer to Birdland's question:

Frodo's pants. You see, Frodo was getting rather along in age and was always forgetting something. This time it was his pants. No wonder why Galadriel was giggling uncontrollably during the trip to Valinor!


Answer to Diamond18's question:

Bree in Elvish, is translated as the Town of Stinky Men. I don't know Elvish!


My question:

What was the creature that lived in the lake before Moria Doors called, and what did it look like?

[ October 31, 2002: Message edited by: TolkienGurl ]

His name was Harold and he was a vole. Not a very good choice of guardian, but Orcs like voles for some reason. This is believed to be Ratty's last literary appearance before his drink problem finally sank his career.

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What significant loss to Arnor occurred at the Ice Bay of Forochel?

[ October 31, 2002: Message edited by: Squatter of Amon Rudh ]

TolkienGurl, I think that a very rough translation would be "Ost-in-holma-edain". (I am positive that I am totally wrong.)

In answer to Squatter's question, Arvedui lost his glasses and killed a shipmate, mistaking him for an Orc.

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What did Frodo and Sam see in the Dead Marshes?

532 beat-up VW Vans, dozens of drug dealers, and hundreds of people going topless wearing Patchouli. Oh, the corpsesss and candles - ? Riiiiight. Bad trip, man, really bad trip.

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Why did the Elven King of Mirkwood float barrels to the Long Lake?

After the long ages of living inside single cave, it became somehow stuck up to the top with garbage. There was simply no more room left, therefore Thranfuil ordered the trapdoor to be made in his sellar. His cave cleaned up a bit, though he got very huge problem with the Esgaroth Green Peace protestants afterwords


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Who was Fredegar "Fatty" Bolger?