The Brandywine is a large river that flows through the Shire. It earned its name because during Lotho's short reign he enforced a Middle-earth Prohibition and all the alcohol, which consisted mostly of brandy, was dumped into the river. They say that any Hobbit who drinks of the river may become a bit tipsy to this day.
(Gimli: I'm pretty sure that brandy is a type of wine, but I'm not exactly sure.)

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Why did Lotho wish to control the Shire?

he wanted to control the shire so he could build a lot of taco bells and give the hobbits food poisoning.

next ?: what was isildur's real name?

Jim Bob Billy Joe Smith [img]smilies/biggrin.gif[/img].
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Why does Sauron want the ring back?

His fetching ensemble just isn't complete without it!

Why does Tom Bombadil collect lillies?

to make himself a prettyful crown out of them and be princess of middle earth

why did gandalf have a pointy hat?

Gandalf had a problem with pointy things, which is why you shouldn't let him hold a sword or knife for too long. [img]smilies/biggrin.gif[/img]
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Who was Faramir and how was he related to Fatty Lumpkin?

He figured that if he ever broke his sword he could ward off the orcs for a while by jabbing at them with his hat.

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Who is Rose Cotton?

Whoops, double-post syndrome (sorta). In answer to Elanor's question, Rose Cotton was a flight attendant on Smaug Airlines. Question as above.

It's not common knowledge, but Faramir was not all that bright, and he also had a bit of a mean streak. Fatty Lumpkin was the name he gave to anyone he didn't know personally. Basically, he would go up to any random stranger on the street and greet them as "Fatty Lumpkin". Surprisingly, he didn't have very many friends.
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Why do hobbits prefer to live underground?

Because they liked digging holes so they dug them everywhere. Then when they built houses they would collaspe. So to make matters a lot easier, they just lived in the holes.
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Why are hobbits to only one to call themselves hobbits?

Because all the other races had trouble pronouncing the word 'hobbit.'

What is the day, the month, and the year Frodo left the Shire to destroy the ring?

Frodo left the Shire on a Thorsday, in the month Monopotstarcksil 320th, and they year was 550 in the 51st Age.

How will Turin come back to have the last battle with Morgoth?

He will be riding on his giant pig, Little Red Riding Hood.

Who his Turin?

He's a little fuzzy bunnie rabbit! [img]smilies/biggrin.gif[/img]
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Why did Bilbo want to stay with the elves?

The eight hundred and seventh person to call into WYRD FM to attempt to win Fox's bar of soap. Unfortunately, they wanted the eight-hundred and eigth person, so Tannim won instead.
(brownie points for anyone who catches my references. ^^)

Question: Why didn't Elrond just give Arwen the go-ahead to marry Elessar?

Bilbo wanted to stay with the Elves because they have great healing powers, and as he got older his back got worse and worse, and only the beds in Rivendell were soft enough.

Elrond didn't let Arwen marry Aragorn right away because at the time he proposed, Aragorn (who Arwen affectionately called Gornie) had a rather large spot directly in the middle of his forehead. Since the wedding pictures were to last a very *long* time, and Elrond didn't want others to remember his son in law as 'that guy with the spot on his forehead at his wedding', he made up this fib about Aragorn not being good enough. So Aragorn went off on the quest, and Eowyn started going out with Faramir after she found out about Gornie's spot. In Minas Tirith, Ioreth lent him some Neutrogena, so the spot cleared up and Elrond let Arwen marry him. The end.

Which member of the Fellowship loved practical jokes? What were some of his most memorable jokes, and who did he play most of these jokes on?

You wouldn't think it, but Legolas loved to play practical jokes on the Hobbits, especially Merry and Pippin. Usually he did this by throwing his voice like a ventriloquist. On time he made it sound like Merry said "Hey, ugly!" to Pippin. Pippin asked what that was all about and, of course, Merry had no idea what he was talking about. Then he imitated Pippin's voice and called Merry "fur face." Merry, who was sensitive about the unnatural peach fuzz growing on his upper lip, took offense and challenged Pippin to a duel. Fortunately, Legolas stepped in and confessed his prank before anyone lost a limb. Another time he shaved the hair off Sam's feet and glued it onto his face. It was two weeks before the poor Hobbit completely got over the shock (he kept mumbling "What will me Gaffer say?" over and over, even in his sleep). Legolas constantly put whoopee cushions on Bilbo's chair during the stay at Rivendell. In fact, the reason Elrond sent him on the quest was so that he couldn't toilet-paper the last homely house anymore.

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What did Ted Sandyman do for a living?

Ted Sandyman was the theif who stole the ring from Isildur and gave it to Deagol.


Why did the Nazgul halt at the Ford?

They wanted to sightsee! What was the point of leaving Mordor if they're not even going to take pictures?!?

Who did Faramir marry? Who was this person in love with before?

He married an Entwife that loved Treebeard once upon a time.

Why did Sauron go to Numenor?

Cuz he heard they had the best casinos in Middle-earth and thought he had a fair chance at them. *Scoffs* Hehe, that's funny Sauron!

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Who was Eorl the Young and why was he called that?

Eorl was the great-great-great grandfather of the Old Took, and he got his name as a joke from his rather cruel friends who made fun of him when he got his first grey hair, wrinkle, liver spot, etc.
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Why did Gandalf call Pippin a "Fool of a Took" when he knew perfectly well that the Tooks (esp. Pippin) were well-known in their knowledge and logic? [img]smilies/smile.gif[/img]

Pippin wanted to stand out from the rest of his terribly boring and ingenious family, so he started doing all this awful stuff and apparently had two pints of miruvor every morning on the trip. He had triple that in Moria, since he quenched his fears of the dark by drinking. Rather sad. Gandalf called him a fool for drinking so much, while the rest of his dear family were tea-totalers. (I know it's not funny, but it's wrong!)

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Why did the Uruk-hai kill Boromir?

He was wearing a clown suit and the Uruk-Hai had a phobia of clowns.
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Who stabbed Frodo at Weathertop and where was he stabbed?(appropriate answers please)

Sir Grover the Fuzzy & Blue was having a little too much fun with his sword, and poor Frodo got in the way, causing Sir Grover the Fuzzy and Blue to stab him in the big toe and cut it off. That was one heckuva stubbed foot.

Why did Frodo and Sam cross to the Eastern shore of the Anduin?

They heard that there was a McDonalds over there.
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What did Sam see in Galadriel's mirror?

CLOWNS!!!!! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!! Nassssssssty scary clownses!!! We hatessssss them, yes, we does, precioussssss...

Why couldn't Sam see Nenya on Galadriel's finger?

He was too busy looking at the big zit on her nose. Ewww!
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What did Galadriel give Gimli?

A squeaky toy.

Name all the Nazgûl and what was special about each of them.

Let's see........There was (1)Ted Sandyman-he was the bossy one, (2)Treebeard-he was the smallest, (3)Lotho Sackville-Baggins-he was the clumsy one, (4)Goldberry-she was the lazy one, (5)Old Man Willow-he was the fastest, (6)Ugluk-he was the most polite, (7)Balin-he was the tallest, (8)Bill the pony-he was the smartest, (9)Orophin-he was the youngest, and (10)Harry Potter-he was the stupid one.(Yes there were actually 10 Nazgul)
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How did Gandalf escape when he was imprisoned in Orthanc?

Dasher, Dancer, Donner, Blitzen, Comet, Cupid, Prancer, Vixen, Rudolph.

The above Nazgûl are known for assisting their evil master Sauron Claus once a year in breaking and entering dwelling places all over Middle Earth.

At your Service,

Gandalf the Grey

EDIT: Oops, my post crossed with someone else's. Here's hoping no one minds that I'd still like to leave my answer up. [img]smilies/smile.gif[/img]

[ June 10, 2002: Message edited by: Gandalf_theGrey ]

By using his Mastercard to open the door!

BTW: That was a good one Gandalf the Grey [img]smilies/wink.gif[/img]

What did saruman do when he found out Gandalf was gone?

He set off mortars and invited all the Ents to a party at Carn Dûm, where he then got his butt sizzled by a wild rocket.

Why did everyone call Melkor "Morgoth?" What was the meaning of the name?

Because of his rad looking clothes: Morgoth= More Goth(ic)

Why was it that the Beornings could shape shift?

(Carn Dum isn't anywhere near orthanc though)

(I know Carn Dûm isn't anywhere near Orthanc, but he teleported! [img]smilies/wink.gif[/img])

Because in reality, they were... Animorphs! Duuuuude!

Why did Bombur fall asleep in the enchanted stream in Mirkwood?

Because the other Dwarves had drugged his ale a while back and "coincidentally" started taking affect just then. Apparantly, Bombur had owed Thorin some gold and refused to pay up. Thorin was giving payback and they would have left him in Mirkwood, if it hadn't been for soft-hearted Bilbo. [img]smilies/smile.gif[/img]
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Why did Thranduil lock them up in his dungeon?

[ June 10, 2002: Message edited by: Thinhyandoiel ]

[My goddess, Ithaeliel, flashbacks! *L*]

Because he was cracking down on shoplifters and they refused to empty their pockets.

What was Goldberry's maiden name?

Do you know how much Dwarves eat?!? Keeping them locked up was the only way Thranduil could keep them from ransacking the kitchen and scaring lil' Leggy!

What is the Witch-King's problem? Is he a thug or does he just need a hug? (and yes, I am aware that that rhymes [img]smilies/wink.gif[/img])

He's both (think about the Jets on West Side Story when they sing about how they are misunderstood). He's a thug who needs a hug!
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Who is Sauron's spouse? Does he have any kids? If so, how many and what are their names?

Sauron's Spouse was Princess Peach. They met in the days when he roamed the far east by the name of Bowser. Their children were Toad, Mario, Luigi, and Yoshi. Apparantly after some old friends of hers before she was taken away. *shrugs*
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Why did Bilbo go to live with the Elves?