LOTR Physics
 

Wow, I wish I'd thought of that. Anyway here's one more I thought of:

*If you are Gandalf, you can defy all laws of gravity. You can catch up to Barlogs who fell sooner than you, and fight them despite the fact your being pulled to Earth really fast.

*Why buy a night light when you have Gandalf the White? He can light up quicker than any lightbulb in Middle Earth!

1) Soldiers of Gondor are like walking pieces of Tin Foil.
2) Giant Calliflowers(sp?) are good at leading armies and dodging large rocks.
3) When in doubt, kill someone

Cauliflowers.

If you don't know what to say, give them a real dramatic look.

Thanks

Then i will give a dramitic look becuase i dont know what to day right now.

What I learned from Lord of the Rings:

*LOOK UP!!!!! (Frodo vs. Shelob...'nuff said.)

*If your mentally deranged father appears to favor your older brother over you, don't worry about it. He'll eventually show his love for you by burning you alive.

*Butch, crossdressing warrior girls CAN get good-looking men!

*Little people can do big things, but among their own people, nobody cares.

<==The Lofty Tree of Gondor
 

*SNORK!!!* Most lofty, Mad Baggins!

~People don't notice huge volcanic explosions, but they will notice a blue-green laser shot off moments afterward. Hullo! :rolleyes:

~The elves, instead of spending all those years trying to defeat Sauron and the orcs, evidently spent them trying to come up with perfect hair care products.

Abedithon le,

~*~Aranel~*~

Always look up from time to time, you never know when something could come plummeting down on your head. ei: apples, rocks, spiders, nazgul, etc.
(maybe I should follow that advice)

Everyone should have a friend like Sam, and stay clear of people who hiss at you like Gollum

If your father likes to play with matches a little too much I suggest backing a safe ways away then running for your life.

Its never too late in the day to get clobbered by a troll.

An Oliphaunt is far too large of a pet to have, what with their ability to devastate everything within sight, and think of the mess you'd have to clean up in their potty spot :eek:

...Gollum...

I assume this is both movies and books, yes? I see more movie-induced productions, so I'll temper it all with a fair amount of lit. and Sil[marillion]ly stuff, as follows:

1. When faced with a balrog, use your head.
2. When killing dragons, make sure he's hovering over an evil citadel.
3. Dancing on tables is a recipe for disaster.
4. When in doubt, call your foe a 'dwimmerlaik' and nothing can go wrong.
5. Spiders are traitorous, eat or be eaten
6. Whatever you're the master of, it'll master you eventually.
5. Mariners are underrated.
7. Bridges will never be made of wood, and will often be dangerous and crumbly.
8. Never stand under a big ol' evil thing. Something will squash you.
9. People alive 10,000 years after you will invariably steel your name.
10. Hidden kingdoms don't stay hidden forever, so keep your swords handy.
11. Singing is helpful, but you have to be female, and VERY beautiful.
12. Petty-dwarves are petty dwarves.
13. Numenoreans are like Golphers. They sink into the earth, but pop up occasionally, when needed.
14. If at first you don't succeed, go east and be completely forgotten.
15. Worms come in three servings, fiery, cold, and without wings on the side.
16. Swords might speak sometimes, but only when most innappropriate to do so.
17. Who cares if Balrogs can fly or not, they're dang fast!
18. Trees, stars, and silmarils will get you nowhere. Go for jewelery.
19. Sauron likes wrestling, watch out for the immolation, though.
20. Having a noticeable family resemblance would've helped Turin a lot.
21. Hurin slew a slew of trolls, but the slewed slew slew him too.
22. Columbus was wrong, for a fixed amount of time.
23. Trickssy, nassty dragonses! It's all in the eyes, dontcha know.
24. Vampires are a good for UPS service, but don't underestimate their fashions.
25. Wolfhounds are a man's best friend, and Melkor's worst nightmare.

The scary thing is, I actually understood that. :eek:

Always make sure to look where a river runs before you dump a body into it. The last thing you need is for the corpse to end up on his father's doorstep before you get there. There'll be questions. None of which you'd care to answer.

Napkins are outlawed in Gondor.

Who knew an old man's walking stick could be so dangerous? And painful?

Balrogs may be made of fire, but don't worry. You can land on its back and stab it repeatedly without being burned to a crisp.

When you don't know what to say, start singing.

Uruk-hai are members of the potato family. They grow underground and are brown and lumpy.

Denethor + cherry tomatoes= disaster. Not a good mix.

Bad Carbs
 

So that's why people hate carbs so much!

When a steward has bad table manners, it may be a sign of pyromania. (Especially after he ignores the stream of tomato juice down his chin Ick.)

If you are a certain elf coughlegolascough you can fight a very long and tedious battle and come out of it looking fresh as a daisy.

Also that rock throwing hobbits are especially lethal.

And don't trust Gollum, but that one is a bit of a no brainer.

And all you have to do to get an Ent to go to war is tick it off real good and hold on for the ride.

AND TO NOT LOOK IN SUSPICIOUS LOOKING BLACK SWIRLY ORBS, PIPPIN!

Not to give up your immortality until you are absolutely positive you are going to see the human you love again.

Don't eat a whole ton of lembas, as it gives you a tummy ache.

You can jump down on a group of orcs with spears pointed upwards and not impale yourself on one of the ends (Gimli in TTT being the example here).

You can slide down the trunk of an Oliphant as it is buckling beneath you and land successfully on the ground, after which you arch your eyebrow in a " Yes, I know" kind of way and continue shooting... things (coughlegolascough).

You can perform acrobats up the side of an Oliphant, using the arrows stuck in it's side as bars, without being killed.

Gandalf has some kung fu skills with that staff of his...

Men who eat in an especially disgusting manner die horrible deaths ( read into this one, boys).

Hmm, that's about it... Yup!

You can actually repel a Nazgul by pointing a stick at it and shouting "Expecto Patronum!"

Never give trees steroids, they might just end up destroying your fortress...

Never give dogs steroids unless you're Saruman, and you have loads of willing stupid orcs to ride them....

A pink cancerous face does not a scary orc make (Gothmog)...

A worryingly deep yet squeaky voice does not a scary orc make (Gothmog)....

When in doubt, just stab it and hope it dies...

When a wizard tells you to keep quiet, just do it...

When in doubt, get a hobbit and a girl to kill it...

Don't charge oliphaunts if you're about an eightieth of their size...

Blue contact lenses never EVER get dirty...

Eye Care
 

Speaking of contacts....
*Sauron's eye contact (yes that is singular) NEVER falls out, unless a ring falls into a volcano called Mt. Doom.

*Eyes can in fact explode, but it takes them forever to do so.

1. Never trust an elf! (according to Gimli at least... and we all believe what he says)

2. When elves aren't around (and won't be told) dwarves lose their pride.

3. Giving your jewelery to your boyfriend is an especially good idea... it leads possible rivals to ask about you.

4. If you're having a dream about kissing your girlfriend--don't wake up. In reality, it just might be your horse.

5. Even if everyone else is standing, Gimli still reserves the right to sit in the [empty] steward's chair. While smoking.

that's all for now.

Cheers!

Elrond's (other) daughter

1. Spiders are truly nasty creatures. Squish them.

2. Poetry is appropriate for all occaisions.

3. Monarchy does work.

4. Some trees like fire, some trees hate it. It really depends on the tree.

5. Prophesy does come true. Maybe not in the way you expected, but it does come true.

6. If you call to your rope, it will come to you.

7. When you step out onto the Road, be careful. It may sweep you off to places you never imagined.

a few more...
 

1. Don't wear rings for extended periods of time. they could turn you into a wraith. after all, you can't be too careful.

2. Even pretty people can get ugly. (oh, but I could get that from the real world, couldn't I?

3. Just because you are immortal, doesn't necessarily mean you can't die. after all, just look at Gil-Galad, poor guy....

hmm... no more pop into my mind.

Cheers!

Elrond's (other) daughter

Anytime there's a last, it's only the last until the next last (Last Alliance of Elves and Men, Baby! At least, until PJ decides to add another LAST Alliance!)

Legolas is GOD. He can walk on water! (Hey, snow is just frozen water!!)

Anytime something bad, dramatic, sad, or life-changing happens, music starts and sets the perfect mood.

To untie the rope holding your hands, just roll under a horse so that it's about to stomp on you.

Men in Middle Earth find no need to change their underwear.... EVER.

Elves are hot.

When over the shoulder of an Orc and you want to make sure someone finds you, just unclasp your pin with your lips and drop it. Not only can you actually unclasp it with your lips, butthe Orcs behind you won't notice.

I've thought about this one a lot! There's always a convenient door that the bad guys forget to guard.

My favorite!!

If you want to bribe a hobbit, you best do it with mushrooms, not gold.

If it's ever dark and stuffy, stay away from spider webs.

The best way to escape a bunch of enemies is to get lost in a magical forest. If that is unavailable, getting lost in a giant marsh is the next best thing.

You never just take the Eagles and get it done in a day. Instead, you spend near a year on a quest, nearly dying multiple times and getting armies to fight against each other.

If there is trouble, call 911 and an Eagle will promptly come to pick you up or help you out.

Never refer to an unknown dwarf as "he", even if it looks like a male. You never know.

Likewise, never refer to an unknown elf with long hair as a "she". You never know.

Boromir's right. You don't simply walk into Mordor. You run. And preferably you get carried part way.

Always a good thing to carry an extra pipe around with you. There might be a barrel or two of pipeweed just floating around somewhere on the way.

The most important one of all!

The more armor you're wearing, the more likely you'll be killed.

Notice that? I did.