Heh, heh.:D

EDIT: Suddenly I really, really want to mod a WW game based on the disastrous, murder-ridden filming of "Jewel Wars: Episode 1".

Ahem. I think you'll find I cast him as Hurin some time ago.
Aure enteluva!

Casting doesn't get much more inspired than that.:D

I'd like to suggest Rob Schneider as Mim the Petty Dwarf.

Dolph Lundgren can play Turin.

Melian would be the perfect role for Julia Roberts to ruin, being perhaps the most overrated actress in history.

Oh and the idea of Sean Connery as Glaurung send shudders down my spine.

Andie MacDowell as Luthien.

Mary-Sue - bring it on!

Then you can have Hugh Grant as Beren, and they can reprise their roles in Four Weddings and a Funeral.

Nick Frost and Simon Pegg as Elrond and Elros.

Maybe Nathan Lane and Lee Evans for I don't know, Maglor and Maedhros or Elrond and Elros. No, wait, Maglor and Maedhros, it'll be perfect during the scene where they'll decide on attacking Eonwe's camp!

Excellent scheme, Morthoron. And Rowan Atkinson as Curufin....

Oh, nice choice, Lalaith! I was just wondering who would make a good Curufin.

The immortal genius of Charlie Sheen cannot be overlooked. Excellent suggestions have been made for Beren (Keanu "Whoa" Reeves is truly priceless), but Charlie must make at least a cameo somewhere (Barahir? Hmmm). I actually have a soft spot for Sheen, but he would be spectacularly awful in such a film.

There is also Madonna to consider. I can't imagine any movie being complete without her... skillz. I think she's Queen of Pop and all, but the acting, dear God, the acting.

She'd do well as a matriarchal Melian type. *dum dum dum*

So much talent, so few roles...

What parts haven't we cast yet? I'd hate to think of any of these gifted actors missing out.

Oh dear, but which Rowan Atkinson? The Blackadder? Mr. Bean? Perhaps we could double cast him where Tolkien has mirror characters, such as Turin/Tuor or Hurin/Huor or Elwing and Elros.

Oh the poor dear man! What ever would he do without the opportunity to stage a drag/speed racing scene? Maybe have eagles buzz one of towers?

How about Rowan Atkinson as Ulmo? Just think, Mr. Bean one of the Valar!:D

I think he should play the charachter as he did the late Blackadder (WWI), it would be truly awful. If he did it as Mr. Bean it would just get too absurd and kind of funny.

It is all about making the silmarillion with bad casting, not turning the silmarillion into a comedy.

Well I hate to mention it since she is one of my favourites but has anyone sugested Idril and Tuor?

How about James Fleet as Maeglin?

And though I liked her in Notting Hill, Gina McKee was sooooooooooo leaden and passionless as Irene in The Forsyte Saga that she would be a possibility for Aredhel in this ..inspired production...

How about Madonna as Miriel?

Narration would have to be done by Morgan Freeman, as Eru reflecting on the whole divine drama. "At the time the possibilities seemed endless..."

Lush was definitely onto something when she suggested casting Charlie Sheen. I say you have to have Emilio Estevez as Manwe, Sheen as a somewhat resentful Aule, and the cast of the Breakfast Club filling in other Valar/Valier roles.

Four must-casts for me: Willem Dafoe as a young Sauron; Christopher Walken as Glaurung...for sure; Jon Voigt as the leader of the wandering men whom Turin befriends in the woods; Kevin Sorbo as Turin.

Brian Blessed should be Dearon! :p

You appear to have more faith in Atkinson's ability to steal scenes from the rest of this miscast crew than I do. :eek:

(Of course, come to think of it, he does have talent.) :D

Has anyone cast William Shatner yet?

Oh he should definitely be Morgoth :)

Then he can have a spoken-word album covering all the 'greatest hits' of the valar. That sounds evil enough to me. :)


~ Ka

Chuck Norris as Old Hurin. Even after spending decades imprisoned by Morgoth, you don't **** with Chuck.

Then we add Steven Segal, Jean-Claude Van Damme, Sly Stallone, Milla Jovovich, Dolph Lundgren (already mentioned), The Rock (already mentioned), Kevin Sorbo (already mentioned), Arnold Schwarzenegger, Stone Cold Steve Austin, Marc Singer (Dar of Beastmaster) and Lou Ferrigno (what part each plays is inconsequential, isn't it?), and have the B-Grade action movie of the century: 'The Silmarillion: Armageddon in Middle-earth'.

Perhaps even add Jet Li and Jackie Chan as Easterlings.

P.S. And a cameo by Val Kilmer as Fingolfin, who will smile in defiance of Morgoth and say, "I'll be your huckleberry."

P.P.S. In the extended version feature section (Disc Four), Arnold Schwarzenegger and Sly Stallone practicing their English accents together.

Perhaps Shatner and Sorbo might manage to pull off the Two Trees... :rolleyes:

We could potentially just cast William Shatner as everyone, methinks.

There's also David Hasselhoff to consider, though. For an intellectual role. Finrod Felagund comes to mind.

Well, if we are seeking actors on a more intellectual level, Rob Schneider and Will Ferrell come to mind. Perhaps Adam Sandler as Beren and Drew Barrymore as Luthien.

Hasselhoff surely will bring the fullest elements to the crucial aspect of elven hair. Maybe the colour isn't exactly right, but his casting could ensure that his elven character would never have a bad hair day.

I had been toying with the idea of suggesting Ben Stiller as Beren, but kept being haunted by the aspect of Thingol and Melian as Mr and Mrs Focker and I was trying very hard to keep Rune's advisory in mind not to turn this into a comedy. So I desisted.

So it has to be seriously bad?

"hideous travesty" is what the rules on Nerwen's first post say. Like Beauty, I think the meaning of that lies in the eye of the beholder--and poster.

:)

For sure, Keira Knightley must be Lúthien - there never was an actress whose looks and skills were more overrated. :p So why not cast Orlando Bloom as Beren and have them repeat their - ah, so credible - romance from Pirates of the Carribbean?

Schwartzenegger is a must - but for what role? It's long since I last read the Sil.. Is there some silent, rather grim hero who could do with a few short lines?

Oh, and Pierce Brosnan as Túrin. "My name is Turambar, Túrin Turambar." :D

I feel like a traitor to say this - as the character is one of my favourites -, but Arnold would make an excellently horrible Hunthor, wouldn't he? :eek::D

Continuing on the same lines, I can see Hugh Grant as Brandir... eurgh... He's too old to play anything too heroic and in my opinion he has always been too soft for those, but can't you all see him blinking his puppy eyes as gentle Brandir who loves the wrong woman... *is disgusted* :D

Aulë - Bob the Builder

What about Seann William Scott as Tuor and Diane Kruger as Idril? That should be close enough to a worst case scenario.

Oh, and Nerwen... she who steals the threads of the Noldor and mocks them without leave does not... umm... well, I’ll think about something. :p

What are you talking about, cousin Mac? By definition this is a thread of the Noldor!:p

I think I'll let you get away with it - this time. ;)

It shendsh shuddersh down your shpine, doesh it?

Yesh.

*Dies of laughter*

Ben Stiller as Manwë. That way, instead of the War of Wrath, he could just give Morgoth a blast of "blue steel".

Lucy Lawless (Xena) as Melian.

Wouldn't Haleth be even worse? :eek:

Gotta be a part for Joaquin Phoenix in there somewhere...

Also, in my opinion worse than Connery, Gilbert Gottfried has got to be the very worst possible voice for a mega-dragon. (For those that don't know, the voice is that of the parrot Iago in the Disney-animated Aladdin movies, among many other voice credits.)

And best of all, they could save a ton of money by just re-using this for Feanor's final moments. :D