I use Middle-earth for the Extremely Gullible (Allen and Unwin, 1962). The rest is all from the sources indicated in my posts: mainly The History of Middle-earth volumes XIV-XX (apocrypha) and Unwritten Letters by J.R.R. Tolkien (HarperCollins, 1982), which contains letters #355 - 600 in the numbering system from The Letters of J.R.R. Tolkien. Sadly, all of these books have been out of print for some years and are now hard to come by.

You know, if I was gullible, you could have had me fooled.

Pulling a Heren
 

The other week I happened to buy a Gothic grammar from a local bric-a-brac emporium, from which fell a scrap of paper bearing the Merton College letterhead. On this could be faintly discerned some pencilled notes in virtually illegible handwriting, from which I could glean only the following.

"Mordor annual spelling bee held each year on Sauron's birthday... [?Daisy] regular win[ner] but refuses prize of fresh veal... Mithril cow-bell causes involuntary lowing in all who hear it.

W-K travels to Shire incognito for souvenir spoon from Michel Delving mathom-house. When his robes are discovered, Elves should find Michelin Guide to Eriador, revealing planned journey.

Should railway in fact be source of fumes about Gorgoroth? S. and F. take 2nd class carriage from Kirith Ungol, but put off for travelling w/o tickets. Ring calls out to ticket inspector."

On the verso is the one note: "buy aspirin", which would appear to date it to the same hasty period of revision detailed above.

the nazgul could always milk there fell beasts.

I think they would play practical jokes on people. like putting a flaming bag of dog poop on Gandalf's front step. :D :D

A dark tale of sweet corruption
 

Sadly, such is often the way with those corrupted by the Ring. Just as Saruman, having rebodied himself after three long ages of labour, ended as a third-rate conjurer on the pier theatre circuit, the Nazgûl also fell from their original stature. From kings and princes of Men, they were reduced to amusing themselves with crass and undignified practical jokes, more befitting those who spend too much time before their palantíri.

This particular escapade cost them dearly, though. Gandalf filmed them with his video camera and they were forced to perform a couple of centuries' community service. This is what they were doing while Sauron was gradually building up his strength again after the Last Alliance.

As is quite clear, the fell beasts were reptilian and produced no milk. However, Daisy was a good source of the raw materials for a sort of ice-cream. Her corruption by one of the Nine had spoiled her milk so that it emerged in a clotted mess that tasted faintly of broccoli; but nevertheless the Nazûl were able to sell it to the fast food industry by dint of adding dangerous amounts of sugar. This helped them a great deal when they were fined heavily for toilet-papering Minas Tirith one Halloween.

It is said that whoever eats of the milk of Daisy will in time become a wraith-cow themselves. Though they may start out desiring only a quick snack, soon they will forget even the taste of salad, drawn ever further into a dark world of nasty, furtive eating and resentful remembering. In time they grow to both hate and love the fair forms of which they have been forever robbed, and low mournfully for their dark masters, who only mock them in their sorrow and sell them ineffective slimming drugs.