Ugluk gets his picture taken for the cover of TIME magazine.

When his own troops started laughing at him, Ugluk knew it was time to do something about his Uruk Pattern Baldness.

Ugluk: Yarrr Matey!!!

A winking orc is not a pretty sight.

OR

Ugluk is going to try Rogain. This is his 'Before' picture.

OR

Ugluk(to the breakdancing orcs): "You call that break-dancing, you maggots! If you don't keep in step I'll break you!"

OR

When Ugluk made this face, he broke every mirror within a mile radius.

Apparently the Entwives weren't as attractive as Treebeard remembered them being.

The romantic-minded young orc threw off quite a smug grin when he finally got his steely-gray jacket the same shade of his steely-gray skin. Oh, yes...he was going to score big with the ladies at the disco tonight! No more upstaging by that pretentious show-off Boromir tonight!

I'm kind of thinking if we dig up old Ben Franklin, that's what we'll all see. :eek:

Ugluk: I told you we're not getting Lucky Charms! Now put them back!

"no no no, back of your throat, Arrrrgggh"

MallornCard* Ad
 

Hot ticket to the new band Funky Fellowship's first concert: $90

Overpriced bottle of Orc Draught: $39

Broken limb thanks to unwise body surfing: $2,600 doctor fee

Having your left eye blinded when one of the band members uncloaked: priceless.



*MallornCard and its uses are registered trademarks of the esteemed Nilpaurion Felagund and are not to be used without his consent...except in this case.

Ugluk's 'before' picture in a hair grower ad.

Or to pick off Gurthang:

When Ugluk made this face, time stood still.

Secrets of a Vala Revealed, Part II.
 

What our Beloved Undertaker (a.k.a. The Barrow-Wight) looks like in real life. I don't wonder we're all dead.

Uruk: "Here's look'n at you, kid." *wink*

OR

Even with the blond dye, Ugluk couldn't pass himself off as anything... recently elvish.

Aww, a smile like that would melt anyone's heart. :)

OR

Whenever Ugluk gets upset, all of his facial muscles contract and almost pull his face apart.

OR

Ugluk is going to kill whoever it was that painted an 'X' on his chin during the night.

OR

Ugluk: "What do you mean this is Mordor?! I'm trying to go to Isengard, and I know I followed the directions. Ohh! I hate MapQuest!"

Ugluk: [thinking] Mmm, Ugluk has never seen this much of Gandalf the Wizard. Ugluk likes this!

At the disco
 

10 seconds after this photo was taken of Ugluk winking he lay dead from decapitation.

Apparently Gimli didn't take too kindly to his advance.

This is what I think Donald Trump will look like in the future...like two years from now.

Ugluk: I think this has gone on long enough.

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v6...ions/Doors.jpg

Aragorn: Urgh! Don't go down there!

Théoden: Why?

Aragorn: Gandalf... grey... un... cloak...d

Aragorn a mighty Ranger from the north could handle all sorts of trials and evil, even the Nazgul did not hinder him yet this new evil vexed him, the dreaded tennis elbow.

Aragorn had finally made one grand entrance too many, and the doors had retaliated by rebounding off the wall and hitting him on the arm.

Doors: Mwahaha!

Aragorn: Stupid flu shot...

Foolishly Aragorn decided to have an arm punching contest with an ent.

Sharku: “Now stand aside, worthy adversary!”
Aragorn: “'Tis but a scratch!”
Sharku: “A scratch! Your arm's off!”
Aragorn: “No it isn't.”
Sharku: “Well, what's that, then?” (pointing at ground)
Aragorn: “I've had worse!”
Sharku: “You liar!”
Aragorn: “Come on, you pansy!”
Sharku: “Look, you stupid b****d, you've got no arms left!”
Aragorn: “Yes I have.”
Sharku: “Look!”
Aragorn: “It's just a flesh wound!”
Sharku: “What're you gonna do, bleed on me?”
Aragorn: “I'm invincible!”
Sharku: “You're a loony.”
Aragorn: “All right, we'll call it a draw.”

Aragorn musing to himself, "What does she mean 'I have underarm body odor'? I just took a good soaking in the creek...I shouldn't need another bath for a month or so...Besides, Tolkien never intended that I drop into that stream anyway, so I'm actually one ahead on my bathing schedule...what is that woman's problem anyway?"

That sinister looking plank of wood has been stalking Aragorn for weeks and finally decided to beat him up.

OR

Aragorn tries to defend his title as the All Middle Earth hopping champion.

Aragorn: "Alright, so I got in a mardy about handing the sword over. But there was no need for Hama to give me a dead arm over it."



OR



Aragorn, Chieftain of the Dunedain, Isildur's Heir, Elessar, Wingfoot, mighty wielder of Anduril the Flame of the West struggles to conceal the fact that the zip on his flies has broken.

Argh! Fordim, ya beat me to it! ;)


Aragorn is feeling a bit guilty after throwing Pippin over the battlement because of his incessant arm tugging and asking "how come..? how come..?"



(off topic, but it's me 500th post!)

A desperate Aragorn bursts into the Helm's Deep bathroom, only to discover that the toilet had been taken to throw at the attacking Uruks...

Stars in Their Eyes comes to Middle-earth.

Aragorn: "Tonight, Matthew, I'm going to be Kurt Cobain."

They all knew that Aragorn was not the brightes buffalo on the prairie, but none could belive that he actual injectet strychnine into his own arm ! :eek:







(I did not see the one about the flu shot until after, but I hope it is not to much alike)

Few knew that the future king of Gondor was indeed already the Mighty Lord of Tap-dance:

Aragorn: "Toe-heel-ball-change... Shuffle-step! Shuffle-step!"

After this, I really will let up on the poor guy...
 

Aragorn runs in vain from the giant cascade of bathwater...

Rohirrim #1: Is it Eru?
Rohirrim #2: Is Gandalf uncloaking?
Aragorn: It's the sooooooaaaaap.... ruuuuuunnnnn- *sploooooosh*

Legolas (off screen): Aragorn has arrived and he is holding his arm in an awkward fashion!

Feeling self-conscious and a bit awkward, Aragorn hopes to draw attention to his elbow so people will ignore his strategically-placed cover up.

Hooded figure behind Aragorn:

'Nobody expects the Spanish Inquisition!'

Or

'We are the knights who say Ne! and we demand a shrubbery!'

Or

Brave Aragorn ran away.
Bravely ran away, away!
When danger reared its ugly head,
He bravely turned his tail and fled.
Yes, brave Aragorn turned about
And gallantly he chickened out.
Bravely taking to his feet
He beat a very brave retreat,
Bravest of the brave, Aragorn!

Or

Aragorn to Legolas & Gimli:

'On second thought, let's not go to Helm's deep, it is a silly place'.

Or

The ghostly voice of Gilraen drifts through the chamber:

(all together now)

'He's not the king of Gondor - he's a very naughty boy!'

First I was afraid - I was petrified..
 

I should have changed my stupid lock
I should have made you leave your key
If I had known for just one second
you'd be back to bother me

Go on now go walk out the door
just turn around now
'cause you're not welcome anymore
weren't you the one who tried to hurt me with goodbye
you think I'd crumble
you think I'd lay down and die
Oh no, not I
I will survive
as long as i know how to love
I know I will stay alive
I've got all my life to live
I've got all my love to give
and I'll survive
I will survive

Surely it should be the other one... :)

Bravely bold sir Aragorn, road forth from Camelot.
He was not afraid to die, oh brave Sir Aragorn.
He was not at all afraid to be killed in nasty ways,
Brave, brave, brave, brave Sir Aragorn!
He was not in the least bit scared to be mashed into a pulp,
or to have his eyes gouged out and his elbows broken,
to have his kneecap split and his body burned away,
and his limbs all hacked and mangled Brave Sir Aragorn!
His head smashed in and heart cut out,
and his liver removed, and his bowels unplugged,
and his nostrils raped and his bottom burned off...

Elrond's handshakes can be very nasty.

It was already Tuesday, and Aragorn's artificial limb could not be found. So, to keep the matter underwraps, he was forced to substitute the mangled stump with that of a severed rider's arm he picked up somewhere outside a pub.

Rider Greud: Hey Fred, is that your arm?

Rider Fred: Nah, it was sliced off into the keg after that heated philosophical debate on Balrogs, remember?

~ Aesthete

Aragorn regretted saying, "I'm so hungry I could eat a horse" in Rohan.

OR

Aragorn: Curse these ants! *Stamp!* *Squish!*

Ants: All right, lads! Lets get him!

Aragorn: Eeek! :eek: