Bilbo, "Hold it everyone, no one move...I lost my contact!

(What the heck is that?!)
 

An illustration from 101 Ways To Cheat When Playing 'What's It Got In Its Pocketses'.

Bilbo: Hang on lads! I've got a great idea!

OR

William: This isn't Captain obvious?

Burt: No, this is General ignorance.

Bilbo: "Really, guys, one dance partner at a time, please."

Come see "There and Back Again: The Musical Adventures of a Hobbit!" Starring all of your favorite characters! Now performing off Broadway.

And don't miss the newest production, LOTR- On Ice! Coming this Christmas!

Batman Begins/Lord of the Rings
 

Three guards: "We're sorry, sir, but the hotel's fountain is not for swimming in & you do not have swimwear. We're going to have to ask you to leave."

An unsuspecting Frodo Baggins is apprehended by a trio of Tusken Raiders! Will Aragorn Skywalker be able to rescue him before the Tuskens sell him to Ugluk the Hutt?

OR

"OOOOOOOOH-KLAHOMA WHERE THE WIND BLOWS OVAH--"

Somehow those thingamajigs weren't convinced that Bilbo was one of them.

OR

Bilbo: "Excuse me, sir. This is a horrible nightmare. Will you be so kind as to pinch me until I wake?"

The Lakemen were distantly related to the creature from the Black Lagoon.

I'm NOT in a reggae band ... not that their's anything wrong with it!

How to dig a hole, with Bilbo Baggins
 

Bilbo: Look; all I meant was that your mother must have had all of your ugly aspects... which means all of your beautiful aspects... wherever they are.

The three things:Saved your life!!
Bilbo(turning around):wow you nearly pushed me off that... AAAARRRRGGGGHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Bilbo is horrified when he is caught by Trinny and Susannah for one of their wardrobe makeovers.

Frodo has nightmares of Sam, Merry, and Pippin.

OR

Frodo has hallucinations of Sam, Merry, and Pippin. (Too much ale!)

OR

Frodo hasn't realized that these things are not Sam, Merry, and Pippin.

OR

Frodo has given up on trying to make Sam, Merry, and Pippin look appealing to hobbit lasses.

(From the previous page)

Gloin: Just remember, we Dwarves were made from stone, so when we have gallstones, there's really no reason to smile. And don't even ask me about hemorrhoids!

(from this page)

...from Peter Jackson's operatic effort, "Der Herr von dem Ringgen"

Blast from the past...

Bilbo's elation at managing to save Bag End was marred when he went into the wine cellar and found that Swampy and his fellow eco-warriors had been using the place as a squat.

Bilbo discovers the existence of Moria mutants...the hard way.

Bilbo joins a cult and is quickly ascended to the top because of his connection with the dark lord

Bilbo:teg eht rehto stibboh yeht tsum eid ym souicerp sdneped no ti!!!

Discovering that the dust mites had grown quite a bit, Bilbo decided that it was time to clean the attic.

Few questioned were raise while Samwise was mayor, and for good reason.

William: What are you?

Bilbo: Bilbo Baggins! A bur- a Hobbit!

William: A Bur-a-hobbit? What’s that?

Tom: According to my book of foods, it’s poisonous. If it were a hobbit, then we'd be okay. These Bur-a-hobbits are dangerous!

Bilbo's confounded relatives, the ones that were 'always hanging on the bell', have finally caught up to him, and they are most displeased by his lack of hospitality.

Little do people know, Bilbo originally tried out for Eric Idle's role in Life of Brian. Unfortunately, the Pythons were not impressed by his replacing the cross with a bunch of orcs for "Always Look on the Bright Side of Life."

With a can opener on his hip and a song in his heart, he tried his best to swoon the three lovelies!

Bilbo: Hold it, guys, time for a new pic.

http://www.compleatseanbean.com/lotr-14.jpg

Boromir: What is that horrid creature?
Faramir (off-screen): Gandalf decided to uncloak again.

BilboAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!

Trolls: That's wot we call the 'atomic wedgie'.

Don Juan never triumphs. OR

Bilbo is carried away by martians.

Boromir: Aragorn...bathed? Impossible.

Boromir discovers the real Isildur's Bane: the One Donut Ring.

Boromir: Curse you, Faramir, and your dratted donut addiction! You said this time the dream was for real.

OR

Boromir hasn't even crossed the Gondorian border and he's already caught a whiff of Aragorn.

Boromir's eye test at Lothlorien

Boromir: I see a T, R, A, I, T, O, R

Galadriel: As do I.

Its a bird...! Its a plane...! Its a...
Boromir: I really don't know what that is...
Bombur Billboard.

OR

Boromir was suprised when the mothership that his shield had came from reappeared now seemingly concerned and searching for it's long lost young.

Boromir sits dumbfoundedly watching a strange man ride away, a strange man who just branded his horse 'theoneringnet'.

OR

It's the new hit show: Ringnet!
Boromir: "Just the facts ma'am, just the facts."

OR

Boromir: "I see the Eastern sky grow dark... it must be nightime."

OR

Boromir: "But father, I'm already wearing 15 pieces of flare! I think I'd collapse if I put on another!"

Boromir: "What's this? Orcs...breakdancing!?" :eek:

Sorry about this one
 

After days in the saddle Boromir is introduced to Preparation-H

PS I really tired to locate how to say preparation in Sindarin but I couldn't :mad:

Boromir finds out why you shouldn't take LSD while listening to THe Dark Side of the Moon and riding a horse.

Boromir: Where am I?

Elrond: Rivendel.

Boromir: Silence, rhinoceros! I was talking to the wall!

Boromir: "Is that a... dagger... I see before me?"

Bilbo:
I see a little silhouetto of a man
Scaramouch, scaramouch will you do the fandango
Thunderbolt and lightning - very very frightening me!

Trolls:
Gallileo, Gallileo,
Gallileo, Gallileo,
Gallileo Figaro - magnifico!

Boromir (reflecting): Whom he calls 'little'? Or does he mean me at all? Scaramouch? What is fandango anyways? And those dudes are foreign, sure!

Bilbo:
But I'm just a poor boy and nobody loves me!

Trolls:
He's just a poor boy from a poor family
Spare him his life from this monstrosity!

Boromir (refliecting): Is he? Do I see gold buttons on his waistcoat or what? But 'monstrosity' is to the T! I would not call it fashionable wearing red waistcoat with yellow shirt. Tastelessness!

Bilbo:
Easy come easy go - will you let me go?

Trolls:
Bismillah! No - we will not let you go - let him go
Bismillah! We will not let you go - let him go
Bismillah! We will not let you go - let me go
Will not let you go - let me go (never)
Never let you go - let me go
Never let me go - ooo
No, no, no, no, no, no, no...

Bilbo:
Oh mama mia, mama mia, mama mia let me go
Beelzebub has a devil put aside for me
for me
for me!

Boromir (reflecting): Now this one started foreign gibberish too. Obviously, they've ate too much mushrooms. I better ride off.

(Boromir makes off. Bilbo and trolls stop singing)

Bilbo: Frodo, Frodo, my lad, come out. He wan't take you know what from you, we've scared him off!

Upon ariving in Rivendell, Boromir heard the famed Elven Christmas Caroling group singing "Angels We Have Heard On High."

Boromir: "How do they hold that entire 'Glo - - - - - - - - - ri - a' without passing out!?"

Filming for Lord of the Rings 0.5 - Battle for Osgiliath, Boromir's Nemesis is halted as Sean Bean awaits the dreaded news about Neil Warnock deserting the Blades.



OR



Sean catches sight of himself in the mirror and is displeased. "You swines, you gave me a Ricky Gervais beard. I don't want to be remembered as the David Brent of Middle-earth?"

Boromir dose not quite know how to react to a thousand Pizzas turning up at his door. Merry and Pippin are hid behind the sofa and chuckling to themselves.