Palantir use took forever in Isengard, because Saruman was easily distracted by his outrageously handsome reflection.

Saruman: 'Ah, Grima, well done! My favourite - prairie oyster!'

Grima: 'Er, well, master, there weren't any bulls about, but I found this dead warg....

Sauruman to Gandalf: "Ha! Now that I've switched my plan to Pallan-tel, I can use this Palantir on top of Orthanc and not have to worry about fell beasts and horses disturbing the signal!!!"

Gandalf: "Puuushaw. I got a camera and textmessaging on my staff when I went to White."

Sauruman: "Curse capitalism and technology!!"

Gandalf: "You invented both of those."
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FORD AXOD TRANSMISSION SPECIFICATIONS

Eye see thee!
 

Saruman catches Sauron at a bad time.

Sauron: Awww. But I was going to send out legions today!

Sauron's mother: Not until you've tidied this room, young Maiar!

Sauron: Not fair!

Musical?
 

Éomer pic

Éomer: I am pretty, oh so pretty . . .

Hobbits pic

Frodo: I left my heart in San Fransisco . . .

Saruman pic

Sauron: Sing once again with me, our strange duet. My power over you, grows stronger yet. And though you turn from me, to glance behind, the Phantom of the Black Tower is there, inside your mind.

Saruman consults the Palantir to find out how to get his pointy staff removed from the side of his head.

Another telemarketer contacts Sauraman at a bad time.

"No I am not interested in you credit card nor saving money on long distance!"

Tired of rings and uruk-hai, Saruman creates his greatest invention yet: The One Paperweight To Rule Them All. All he had to do now was create twenty more and dupe the leaders of each race to accept one as a gift...

OR

Saruman loved the Garden Decoration of the Month Club. Last month he got a free garden gnome, and this month he recieved the perfect gazing ball to sit in the fountain by the back porch!

"See how clever I am Gandalf, I have invented the first Videophone. Behold my marvelous PAL Hand T.V, The Seeing-phone of Orthanc.

Big screens and loud rings
With polytones three
How good it is, to have at hand
A thing with which to see
Seven styles of seven phones
With one its tariff free

He's got the whole world in his hands. :p

Or

Crown Green Bowling was a little known pass time of Saruman's.

Saruman groaned with fatigue as he struggled to lift the last marble into the tower of the giant Ker-plunk set at the Isengard Tavern.

Saruman: At last... my greatest invention yet. A Balrog seed! just add a big ol' mountain, some mitrhil, lots of greedy dwarves and after an age or two... Voila!!! Balrog.

Disclaimer: Balrogs are not assured to have wings... but then, it is not certain they lack them either.

Saruman: "Good job, Sauron, tying Arwen's fate to the Ring. Muhahahha!"

Sauruman: "I see Denethor, I see Uruk-Hai, I see Denethor eating Thai!"
 

http://img-nex.theonering.net/images...book/11541.jpg

Denethor: "Hobbit, are you just going to give me the puppy dog eyes all day?" <sigh> "Come have some beefroast."
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Honda ns500

Denethor: You shall get a Shrubbery! a nice one, not to plump, oh and not to expensive!

Denethor: Pippin, this scene looks odly familiar.

Pippin: It does indeed My Lord, but I can't quite place my finger on where I have seen this?

Denethor: Why have I got cold chicken when I wanted it fried.

Pippin; Someone has stolen all the oil my Lord.

Denethor: Then couldn't it be warmed up

Pippin: Sorry my Lord but someone stole the wood also

Denethor: Ok, Ok, but make sure no-one steals the matches

... Sidney strikes again
 

When it seemed that Denethor wasn't taking his pills, Sidney Taurel sent in Pippin with a syringe...


~ Ka

I'm sure we've done this before!
 

Pippin's starring contest with the cup enters its fourth day.

OR

Denethor: That jug just said 'good morning'. Stupid thing, its afternoon. Guards, have this jug whipped.

Denethor: Pippin for the hundreth time!! My servants have spent HOURS setting the table for it to be ready for the painting that is being taken... no, you may NOT have just a little taste of the chicken!

Pippin informs Denethor that he has recieved the most votes and will be lynched.
Denethor: "Ah, at least I'll die full."

OR

Denethor realizes that the last thing he just stuffed into his mouth was actually Pippin's ear! :eek:

wooo my 50th post!!!!
 

Ganalf(off screen): Pippin offering his services to Denethor is one thing but pretending to love him!! Sheesh!!
Pippin:Who's pretending!! :eek: (Sigh)
(Every one faints)
Pippin: At last!! I can get a bit of that food!!! Now, wheres my pipe? :smokin:

Denethor: No, Pippin, for the last time, you can't drive Minas Tirith!

OR

Denethor: Not now, Gandalf, I'm eating.

Pippin wonders whether that goblet will explode if he stares at it long enough.

Narnia/LotR
 

Somewhat paraphrased from one of the books...

Butcher off camera: “Well, so much for that beast. The nerve of it offering me gifts for not killing it!? Why that stag...” Denethor felt like he had just eaten a human for he was not eating a regular beast but the meat of a talking stag – a Narnian beast!

For the Saruman pic:
 

Young wizard children always have the most fun with their fathers.

S: C'mon little Curunir, catch the fiery ball...there's my boy!

Pippin wonders if he should point out that Denethor's sleeve is dangling in the gravy.

OR

Pippin's revenge was merciless - he'd emptied the whole pot of pepper onto that plate.

With unrivled concentration and singleness of purpose, Denethor leaned forward, cocked his head slightly to the left...then slightly to the right...then fell forward and puked all over the table.

Denethor doesn't quite know how to respond after Pippin had the audacity to ask him for a piggy-back ride.

Burping the ABC's always wore Denethor out, but it completely impressed Pippin.

Denethor: "Pippin my boy, tonight you will join the night watch. Dogberry will show you the ropes."

Denethor: <Pauses from eating> -sigh- Youd think being a Steward the food would be high quality. Sooner or later they will start calling it Minas Tofu. Sir Hobbit, fetch some beef, its whats for dinner.
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Mazda Capella History

Denethor to Pippin: Next time I send you for fast food, just get the Bargain Bucket I asked for, and not this Hobbit Light Lunch.

Denethor: *nibbles a bit of food* that's it, I'm full. Throw the rest away.

Pippin: :eek: Nooo!

OR

Denethor: Can you sing, master Hobbit?

Pippin: No. Well, yes. Well enough for my own people.

Denethor: Never mind then. Its probably rubbish.

Pippin: Oopps...excuse me Lord!

Denethor decides to compete in the AWSSC (Annual Watermelon Seed-Spitting Contest).

Pippin is thinking to himself, how well Denethor has stripped the meat from the large bone sat on the edge of the table.

Denethor: *Sigh* He's just like a stray dog. Feed him once, and he'll never go away. What, he expects to eat EVERY DAY?

OR

Pippin had problems serving Denethor after the Steward placed a restraining order on him. Now he couldn't get within ten feet of the dinner table without the Guards jumping him.

Pippin fears Denethor is losing his mind as he keeps babbling on about this Finduilas...

Denethor: Well, dear how about you try some of the cherry tomatoes. They're quite plump....What do you mean I ruined your appetite for cherry tomatoes?

OR...

(continuing with tomatoes)...

Denethor: Tell me master hobbit is it tomatoe or tomotoe?

Pippin: Tomotoe.

Denethor: Jeesh...and I suppose you think it's pototoe too.