The hobbits always hated it when their history teacher dipped into the Strawberry Bacardi before class.

Galadriel: "...and that is how we know the world is octangular!"

Galadriel: Look into the Mirror.

Frodo: What will I see?

Galadriel: Why a new picture!

http://www.informationen-bilder.de/d...nge/gimli2.jpg

Gimli: Oh I shouldn't have eaten that extra Bacon Cheeseburger.

OLD PIC

Sam: did you just double-dip the chip?

Frodo: uh yea? so what?

Sam: you don't double-dip the Chip!!!


Gimli: boy am i ready for a sleep, i'll use this nice blanket

Legolas: is that Frodos Elven Cloak!?

Gimli: uh maybe... don't worry frodo will be fine *takes off armour*

Legolas: Is that Sting! and the Mythril Mail!

Gimli: oh... i know where this is going... well now that we know it saves us the journey, come i'll buy you a pint

uh oh where did Legolas and Aragorn go. I must have taken a wrong turn at tht rock back there.

Gimli stares in disbelief after Pippin jumps down a well.

Gimli: Ok, Gandalf, you're uncloaking, no matter how fun for you it is and how horrid yet we can't look away, is really starting to scare people. I'll lend you my psychiatrist after he gets back from vacation. Strange, he's been gone three months? (that's part of an inside joke)

It was a wake-up call for Gimli, as he lagged further and further behind, that is was time to go to Weight Watchers.

The Very Secret Secret of Gimli 'son' of Glóin:
 

Gimli despairs for a Dwarf woman.

Gimli: If those Filipino siblings don't tell me what daga means I will. I swear, I will!!!.....

Legolas: Will What?

Gimli gives him that odd look.

Edit: I just googled "Daga".... it seems it's not as bad as it could have been :p pretty innocent for an 'insult'

That’s the fifth pie of dog much Gimli stepped in all day.

OR

Gimli: Keep breathing...

Legolas: Why? I can go ages without breathing... watch.... *collapse*

Gimli remembers that he left the gas on ..... in Erebor....

Gimli is unimpressed by Legolas' rock garden. "What does a stinkin' elf know about rocks?!"

Gimli leans back on a soft blonde rock for a rest.

Gimli: ... blonde rock?

Legolas: *from beneath Gimli* Mmmmph! Mmmmmmppphh!!

Gimli suddenly realized that if the "Uruks had turned northeast" that everybody was just about to fall in the river.

Gimli accidently creates an unseemly (or unseamly) rip in the back of his armor.

OR

Much to Gimli's masculine dismay Aragorn and Legolas decide to decide to start to skip and frolic... leaving him to nancy.

Gimli gains the top of the rise only to see Aragorn and Legolas disappearing into the distance, and the elf shouting back down the trail, "COME ON KEEP UP STUMPY".

The bulk of the Riddermark is 200 squared miles.

Gimli is over 500 miles from home.

His path with Aragorn and Legolas is linear, so it is 1-dimensionel.

There are tens of thousands of horses that are wild or tamed in the Mark.

Gimli's footstride is 9-15" at given times.

The average horse relieves itself 5 times a day.

Gimli should go to Vagas. He beat the odds, and now have Meras feces on his left boot.

[I suppose instead of Vagas, a Kentucky Derby pun should be inserted....]
________
Lincoln cosmopolitan history

This was the look on Gimli's face when he was told that he'd been cast in The Princess Bride as the part of Fezzik.
This look was immitated by William Goldman when he was told.

Gimli stops suddenly on the edge of a steep cliff!

Gimli: "Whew! It's a good thing Sam wasn't running behind me!!"

Completely stunned, Gimli looks down on a site he thought he'd never see,...

...a group of paintballers in the middle of Rohan!

OR

...Sauron having a tea party with his Black Riders!

OR

...Gandalf going to a clinic for Uncloaking Rehabilitation!

OR

...a Starbucks in the Riddermark!

OR

...an Entish footrace!

Going cross eyed, Gimli realizes that he should have worn his underpants that day-- feeling a bit chaffed.

Gimli vowed never to accept a meal prepared by Gollum.

OR

Gimli suddenly realises why no other race has beards in such abundance.

Gimli: This blasted thing is itchy!

Way to go making Nilp and me feel loved, Farael. ;) :rolleyes:

Anyways...

Gimli realized - too late - that there's something wrong with the way he held his axe.

Uh . . .
 

Gimli (thinking): Here I am, chasing short wooly-footed ruffians held hostage by ugly folks who had half a day's headstart with a nancing Elf and a stinky Man! Thanks a lot, Glóin, for bringing me to existence.

Gimli: Oh my god!!! I thought all the entwives were dead!! but how come treebeard hasn't found them here?? Oh they're just trees!!! :eek: :D

Gimli: Oooh a hapence!

Gimli: Well there's a thing unheard of

As he looked down on a large township in New Zealand.

Gimli is very confused: "Why is Aragorn washing his hair?"

Gimli: Can't... go... on... must... have... new... picture...

http://img-nex.theonering.net/images/scrapbook/9303.jpg

Worms are eating Merry.

Merry: I'm not dead yet!

OR

Pippin tries to find Merry's wallet while man-eating worms distract him.

Man-eating worms?!?
 

Pippin: PJ! Stop! This isn't King Kong!
Merry: Arrrrghh!

Two of the contestants for "fanciest headgear" were both fighting to get to the trophy (which by the way was given to Sauron despite heavy protests)

OR

This is one of the occasions when the whole fellowship agreed that their ironical nickname for Meriadoc, Merry, suited him almost too well.

OR

Pippin was terrified when he realized that the mysterious creeping feeling he had was not only a feeling, but a mysterious creeping hand on his shoulder

OR

Merry falls asleep in the arms of Pippin, who suddenly experience the drawback of having a friend who has eaten too much garlic sleeping in his arms.

For fans of Vic Reeves:

Merry: Oh I've fallen!

OR

When Merry had said, 'I’m so hungry I could eat an Oliphant' they dared him to, but he only got 90% of the way through and collapsed.

Pippin was determined to make Merry take back the remark that Eowyn's curls were prettier than Faramir's.

OR

Pippin fights frantically to un-link his chainmail from Merry's buckles as the oliphaunt stampede turns his way.

Unknown to Pippin, the "Man" behind him was actually Sauron in disguise.

or

Pippin: Hang on Merry! You'll make it!

Merry: I'm not injured!! You know what I saw in Fangorn Forest? He's here again!

Pippin: GANDALF!!!! :eek:

or even

Merry: Oh no it's Mount Zoom!!

Pippin: And there's Minas Tirith! We're saved!

Merry: No! It's got wheels to!!

Pippin: AHHH!!!! :eek:

Merry always came off worst when Pippin instigated a tickling contest.

Pippin couldn't believe it as he stared out in disbelief of Merry's slow approaching demise... from nothing else than the murderous intentions of a misplaced bananna peel...


~ In the News Ka

Pippin's helmet is a dangerous weapon.
Pippin: "I didn't mean to poke him in the eye, honest!"

OR

Pippin: "Merry, I don't know what to do! I can't get my helmet off!"
Merry: "Oh, that's easy Pip; you just have to work up a good sneeze, then it flys right off! Watch this. AACHOO!"

OR

Merry: *cries like a baby*
Pippin gets over the shock of realizing that Merry has the mind of an infant just in time to realize that the big baby needs a diaper change!

Off screen: Bring out yer dead, Bring out yer dead

Merry: I'm not dead, I'm happy.

Pippin : Anyone got a spare club?

Pippin performs a quick bit of heart surgery... without anaesthetic. :eek:

OR

Pippin: Come on, we're leaving.

Merry: No! I'm on level 43! I've nearly got the high score!

Pippin: You can play games anytime. Now its time for tea!

Merry: No-ooooo!