Wrong trilogy....
 

As in "Sass that hoopy frood Gollum? Now there's a guy who really knows where his towel is."?

Legolas was beginning to regret letting Gollum behind the wheel of his new sports car...

-OR-

Gollum: "What have I got in my pocketsses? A bit of string, a fang...some rock - what the!? A moldy bannana peel? How long has that been in there!!??" :eek:

Gollum has been taking Bio classes for the nth time, yet still he doesn't know the proper way to dissect a rabbit.

Gollum was pleased with his new false beard.

OR A Blackadder rip off:

When Gollum spent five hours talking to a dead rabbit, Frodo hat to say it:

Frodo: Gollum, your brain is like the five-headed haddock faced beast of Aberdeen.

Gollum: In what way?

Frodo: It doesn’t exist.

Waiting for Gandalf...
 

http://www.br-online.de/kultur-szene...img/bild01.jpg


Sam: Let's go!

Frodo: We can't.

Sam: Why not?

Frodo: We're waiting for Gandalf.

Sam: Gah!


~ Aesthete

Just so no-one else need to post the obvious...
 

Sam: Is that who I think it is?
Frodo in a very tired voice: Yes, it's Gandalf. Uncloaking again...

OR

Sam: Is that what I think it is?
Frodo in an almost as tired voice: Yes, it's <insert mountain/city name> on wheels...

:rolleyes: :p ;)

"But where our hearts truly lie is in peace and quiet and good, tilled earth. For all Hobbits share a love of things that grow."

Frodo: Look at how the grass grows.

Sam: Sweet.

Those Rangers were so well hidden that until they stood up, Frodo and Sam never realised they were lying on top of them.

Frodo: Do you hear something?
Sam: Hear what?
Frodo: It sounds like "mmmmphh!!"...


OR

It wasn't the oliphaunts themselves that surprised them, but the fact that they turned out to be only two inches tall.

i can't see it!! :( it sounds a good one as well

Place your bets!
 

Sam: Five pieces of lembas say that's Gandalf uncloaking--again.

Frodo: Nu-uh. The Ring says it's Bombadil all in pink.

Frodo: "Sam, you're in my bubble!"

OR

Sam: "Why are we searching for a needle again?"
Frodo: "I already told you: it's an old saying, if you find a haystack you have to search through it for a needle. I don't know why, but we have to do it."

OR

(LotR meets Alice in Wonderland)
Sam: "Did you see that! That little girl just chased that rabbit into a hole and then went into the hole after it!"
Frodo: "Yeah, I think it was wearing her jacket, too!"

Try this:

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v6...ons/bild01.jpg

Frodo said he'd rather watch grass grow then listen to Sam's lecture on 'taters.

OR

Sam: Zulus. Thousands of them!

Frodo: Wait till you see the whites of their eyes.

Sam: And if they keep their eyes closed?

Frodo: Then we're stuck.

Draft Dodgers?
 

Sam: "Why are we hiding again?"

Frodo: "The Lal/Saucie/Kuru Alliance of Ultra-DOOM and The League of Extraordinary Barrow-Downers are recruiting again..." :eek:

I have no idea where this came from...
 

Frodo and Sam hang on desperately for dear life, as they crawl through Denethor's golf course on their way to the cockpit of Minas Tirith.

Frodo: "I think he's exceeding the speed limit, Sam!"

It had to be done ...
 

High above a secluded lake near Rivendell

Sam: Look, Mister Frodo, Elven maids!

Frodo: Yes, Sam. Trust Uncle Bilbo to know the best spot to spy on them as they bathe.

:eek: :rolleyes:

Frodo had actually reached Minas Morgul two weeks previously; and then he realised that he'd dropped the Ring, probably somewhere in Ithilien.

Frodo and Sam watch from a safe vantage spot as two Balrogs (one winged, the other non winged) battle it out! :eek:

OR

Sam: Big as a house. Grey as a mouse...

Frodo: That's no way to talk about Gandalf. I know he's let himself go recently, but 'big as a house' is really taking it too far.

Frodo and Sam go small game hunting.

Sam: Look! Is that a Coccinella septempunctata?

Frodo: Why yes it is! Septempunctata, the common European Ladybug! Would you look at the spots on that beauty? Quick Sam, fetch my rifle!

Ron and Harry are dismayed that the dementors have allied with the blackriders.



You forgot:

Sam: This isn't Mordor
Frodo: I hate Mapquest.

You can see the disappointment in Frodo's eyes...
 

At the 5th Annual Shire Dance

Sam: "I claim that hot blonde!"

Frodo: Dang it!! I was about to claim her!!

For all ye Talking Heads fans...
 

Frodo: This is not my beautiful house! This is not my beautiful wife!

Sam: Mr. Frodo, would you please tell me why you decided to volunteer for an elvish boot camp?

After offending Galadriel, Sam and Frodo get a sample of real Elven magic and are turned into giant land tortoises.

(And, unless I am missing something, Hookbill's song lyric is from "Once in a Lifetime" by The Talking Heads not Devo.)

Ah, yes. You are right. I like both bands and must have got them mixed up. :rolleyes:
Will be changed.

Anyway:

When Gandalf and Denethor got into a fight, it was best to run for cover.

sam: i told you we shouldn't have let gollum cook...

When Gollum had gas there was only one thing to do...drop as low as you could get and hope to get below it.

both views...
 

Two onlookers witness The Saucepan Man transform into a victorious wolf...

Sam: "I knew it! I had him figured!!"

Frodo: "I never would have guessed..."

Sam: "Mr. Frodo, we've got to keep moving. We can't spend all day looking for your pet spider."

From the kind people at 'Family Guy'

Frodo: There Sam. A real-life Orc. Isn't he so evil you just want to go up to him and punch him! Well, maybe not him, he's quite big. But don't you want to go and punch Faramir over there? Well, maybe not, he's kind of big. But don't you want to punch his son? *Punches*

Faramir: ... ... :mad:

Sam: Quick Mr Frodo, a new picture!


http://img-nex.theonering.net/images/scrapbook/5165.jpg

Eowyn: Now look what you've done. Keep holding it there and we'll sowe that hand back on.

OR

Théoden: Who let this horse use my bath?

Eowyn: Gimli, please don’t' tell anyone it was me!

Gimli, you simply must tell me . . . where oh where . . . did you get that perm?

Éowyn: Gimli, do you think you could ever be attracted to a beardless woman?

*thinks: Well, I tried my charms on the Man and the Elf, to no success. And anyone's better than Wormtongue!

It turned out that the river Aragorn fell in was polluted by Isengard, and boy, did it have some serious effects on humans.

Eowyn and her partner psyche themselves up prior to the final of the Annual Helms Deep Dwarf Tossing Championship.

The demise of Theoden
 

Theoden: "I say! Has anyone seen Gimli and Eowyn? It's as if they've vanished into thin air."

or

Theoden: "Not a single horse in this place. Pathetic..."

or

Theoden: "Anyone seen my green cloak?"

Eowyn and Gimli swear an Unbreakable Vow...unaware that Voldemort is watching from behind a Rohirric helmet...

In the background, one Rohan soldier got his helmet stuck in a horse's tale.

OR

Théoden: I am your king! I demand a sandwich!

OR even:

Eowyn: Wow. That's how tall Hobbits are.

Eowyn: "Gimli, if you could find my missing Barrow Downs credit card I would be ever so grateful."

Credits to Hookbill for posting just now. ;)

A bit of a switch...
 

Tending to Gimli after the battle
-------------------------------
Eown: "Sorry, a shieldmaiden's hands, I know their rough."

Gimli: "No! Well uh...yes they are, but...but don't stop." :eek:

Eowyn: I don't know how to tell you this. But I'm afraid your Grandfather will never walk again.

Gimli: ... ... ... That’s my mother.

Eowyn: :eek:

OR

Théoden: All right! No one is to go to war, until I blow this whistle!

Eowyn: I thought you hid that thing!

Eowyn: Look into my eyes and tell me that you love me not, Gimli, Gloin's son, most noble of the dwarven race. I gave you my heart and you have given me naught but sorrow, if you can look at me and tell that you do not have love for me then I will desist. But search your heart or bearded one, for you know that you love me and that this union is destined to be the first of it's kind.

Gimli: Ummm...all I wanted was more ale.