Denethor: How dare Gandalf call me childish? He has no basis for such an assumption. *slurp* Bring me my Teddy! I need a nap!

Dead butler.
 

Denethor: Why is this Ecto Cooler? I told you to get me Orange Lavaburst!

"Well, Master Peregrin, I hope that you used yesterday to your profit, and to your liking? Though I fear that the board is barer in this city than you could wish. What would you do in my service?"

"I thought, sir, that you would tell me my duties."

"I will, when I learn what you are fit for . . . which would seem to be eating. Therefore, you will be my food taster. Servants! Bring more Hi-C and some Twinkies. Better you than me, if you know what I mean!"

More product placement jokes, sir!
 

Balrogs in 'bling'? Gandalf with a Marks and Spencer's bag? Lembas replaced my Big Macs? And now this! No wonder people were confused as to what time setting Jackson wanted the films to be in.

OR

Denethor: And Bring me some Barrow B-O!

Or even:

Denethor: That Gandalf is so stupid and ungentlemanly. Not like me. I'm an inteli-gent!

Denethor: "I hope, Boromir, that you don't think this makes up for you not bringing me the Ring..."

Everyone knew Gondor was headed downhill when the Steward began endorsing fruit juices.

Denethor: Buy Hi-C! With 750% of your daily recommended dose of vitamin C, it's on fire! *winks, thumbs-up*

Denethor knew that drinking his Hi-C too fast might have ended up getting his tongue suctioned to his straw... But how fast is too fast? Not even the wisest could tell.

Denethor: "No, I know you're wrong! Let me finish this off and then we'll really see if I'm drinking from a box or a bag!"

OR

Pippin: "What's that you're drinking? Oh, wait, let me look...*looks* Oh, now 'Hi see!'*falls on floor laughing*"

Denethor: *Sigh* *Pulls out Crossbow* *Sigh* *Shoots Pippin!*

:eek:

OR

Denethor: What do you mean, "a bit big"? It's "Fun size"! FUN, I tell you!

Denethor:This isn't oil!! I said bring oil not hi c!! For gods sake are you deaf!?
Guard: Hmmm? Sorry I wasn't listening!
Denethor: :mad:

So terrible were the travails of the Siege of Gondor that the Steward himself resorted to drinking anakronisms...

Denethor: I'll have you know, Peregrine Took, that this is a very sophisticated drink in Gondor.

Pippin: Then why are the guards sniggering?

An ancient Gondorian add used to read: "HI-C: The drink of Kings!"
Denethor: "Maybe if I drink enough HI-C, they'll let me be king!"

MallornCard Ad
 

Stewardly robes: $293.50
Stewardly throne: $750.00
Orange-Lavaburst HI-C: $0.95
Forgetting the worries of ruling a nation while sipping juice from a box like a kid: Priceless

There are some things money can't buy; for everything else there's MallornCard.

Hi-C Ad
 

Denethor: "Drink Hi-C! It really puts the curl in your wig."

Studies show that drinking Hi-C increases a person's combustibility by 100%.

It can be said by many that Denethor's pyro problems began in the wee days of ill govern daycare and otherwise suspicious sugary drinks his nursemaid would slip him on the fear of a toasty demise...


~ Ka

*slllllluuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuurrrrrrrrrrrpppp ppppppp!*

Or...

Denethor was *very* grumpy, as he had just neglected to remember the rule every mother teaches their child: NEVER squeeze a juice box.

Denthor: “I hope MapQuest doesn't think this lame sample of Hi-C makes up for them getting me lost for the millionth time...”

Another Family Guy joke...
 

Denethor: *Slurp* *Spit* Yuk! What's in this?

Pippin: Sugar!

Denethor: Well bring it back with manure in it like I asked!

Pippin: Would you prefer a new picture?


http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v6...omba/Panic.jpg

Bilbo: Nobody panic! Everything is under control. Just ignore the fire... I mean... There is no fire!

:D

Lesson 1 in fire-handeling:
Never let Hobbitses take control.
;)

Auction?
 

Bilbo: Do I hear five pieces of gold? Five pieces of gold for a fire extinguisher*?

__________________
*italics due to anakronism rules
.

Bilbo telling his stories again: Now this is the really interesting bit. Imagine that is Lake Town and this, he said, holding up the object in his left hand, is The Old Dwarven Device of Extinguishing

"In closing, I say 'Live Long and Prosper!' Dang! I can never get my fingers to go like Mr. Spock's!!!"

It's a little known fact that I took down Smaug with this, not Bard! I shall now demonstrate.

Another intake of new employees at the Green Dragon sit through an induction session given by Bilbo Baggins, Principal Health & Safety Officer. Lesson 5: Why pipes and cake do not mix.

Tiring of those trick candles that reignite themselves Bilbo took desperate measures this year.

or

Bilbo was never good at telling a story

Little Hobbit Child: Ummm Mister Bilbo sir, I think your cake is catching the woods on fir...

Bilbo:....Hold on there little one, I haven't finished telling you my story about how I invented this red little device. I call it 'the red device'. You see it was on my birthday and I was floating into lake town, though at the time the fact that it was my birthday had slipped my mind. Now, I was riding a barrell not unlike this one on which I am standing, did I mention that I invented the red device which I hold...

Bilbo: Who threw this?

OR

Bilbo: Well, Frodo, if you ever see the Eye of Sauron, you may need this!

The life-sized cardboard stand-up Bilbo looked reassuring but it wasn't the most practical thing for the situation...

Bilbo: Stay back! I'm not afraid to use this!

OR

Bilbo the salesman tried his luck with fire safety for the Denethor appreciation society...

Bilbo: "I don't need the extinguisher, I can put it out by my own methods! Concentrate...feel the force flow through you...concentrate..."

Someone in the crowd: "Just use the extinguisher already!!"

One extinguisher to rule them all
One extinguisher to find them
One extinguisher to bring them all
And in the darkness ... extinguish them

-- OR --

If only it read:

"Ash ghash durbatuluk
Ash ghash gimbatul
Ash ghash thrakatuluk
Agh burzum-ishi ghabatul"

then they would be ready.

The mathoms Bilbo gave away got more and more peculiar every year.

Bilbo was the only one sensible enough to take precautions where Gandalf's dodgy fireworks were concerned.

Bilbo stood ready with his canister of helium in case the doll who popped out of the cake needed a little touch-up reinflation.

The Hobbits held their breath and their noses as they waited for Bilbo's grand finale to his Le Petomane of The Shire act.

Bilbo reading the instructions on how to operate the extinguisher

Bilbo: Wait! This doesn't seem quite right...

1. Hold extinguisher firmly
2. Pull out ring *handwritten* from your pocket

Ahhh that gollum trying to trick me again!



(sorry this was funnier in my mind because I had a hand drawn image)

Bilbo: Listen, ladies and gentleman! I, the amazing Bilbo, will defy the powers of nature, by eating this flaming cake, and living to tell the tale!

Hobbits: *gasps!*

Bilbo: Now folks, this amazing act of superhuman strength is extremely dangerous! I have filled this tub behind me with water, in the event that I am lit on fire!

Hobbits: *gasps again!*

Bilbo: And my only help will be this magical red bottle, discovered in the deepest of dwarf-halls during my exotic travels across the known world!

Hobbits: *ooooh*

Well, here it comes...
 

Bilbo: And believe me, if that Gandalf even looks as though his cloak's coming off he'll discover just exactly what it feels like to have 25 litres of pressurised CO2 unleashed on your body!

Bilbo had to think fast as the crowd of angry party children soon discovered his mistake with the cake...

Bilbo: Hey! Look at this! ... Anyone into magic tricks? ... Anyone?


~ Aesthete