I would have thought that Formendacil would not lay up his gold where thieves may break through and steal--even such a thief as Bilbo, bearing riddles--so his spiders will be undisturbed whilst he is out of town.

Don't laugh at me!
 

I just now noticed this, Alien has white teeth... More like knives than teeth though...

Random Titles get embarrassed
 

Well, if you want to add to his reputation, the Downer is probably the last place you want to go :Merisu:

Special thanks to TheGreatElvenWarrior for a couple of the mini headlines. Extra special thanks and gold to Formy for his lovely story.

http://i75.photobucket.com/albums/i2...ah/Week104.jpg

This week, Alien has some advice for Phantom...

http://i75.photobucket.com/albums/i2...h/PandA098.jpg

That was the best.Downer.Evar!
 

Keeping BWH's favourite tea secret is a very good thing to do, you never know what them hobbits could do with such information!;)

Anyway, I love the mini-headlines this week! I wonder who could ever be so brilliant to write them...:p But I think that Hookbill wrote about actual information in the second article. I do think that he is controlling my mind, wait I don't think I know... Just take a look at all of the evidence! And no, I have not been doing deals with Davem or Alien!

And, no. I don't think that my dreams were cheese induced. I think that it was from spending my whole day on the Barrow-Downs and then watching Doctor Who right before bedtime...

Oh, and by the way... where is the Siltmud Mtns?

LETTER TO THE EDITOR

Dear Mortals:

I believe that your ignominious article 'Gnomes Demand To Be Counted Among The Noldor' should be gnominated as the worst piece of propaganda ever gnown. I am sure this type of accusation is gnothing gnu to you, but I have a gnawing suspicion (based on the article's gnauseously gnuanced gnomenclature) that this report was spread by the Order of Gnomonically Respectable Elves (OGRE), a gnomadic group of Gnomes under the gnominal leadership of the Gnoldor...errr, excuse me, Noldor. Under the gnom de plume OGRE, this fallacious faction of gnonconformist Gnomes has long sought linkage with the Noldor (and received agnonymous subsidization from them).

We at the Affiliated Brethren Counter-Demanding an Elf-Free Gnomic Homeland (ABCDEFGH) want nothing to do with the gnaughty, haughty Noldor; however, please don't confuse us with the Hallowed Gnomes Fighting Elvish Domination: Currently, Before and After (HGFEDCBA), as they are merely a splinter group with gnumerous policy flaws and a horrid acronym. The ABCDEFGH remains commited to fighting Noldorin domination with gnathic tenacity, gnashing clenched teeth against the oppression and kin-strife gnarling elvish history in a gnumber of gnasty gnots.

Gnotably yours,
Gnonesuch the Gnome
Gnotary of the ABCDEFGH

Am I a sensible people?
 

I would rather like one of those multicoloured coats! I think that I'll go buy one with Hookbill's life savings!

How do I get my hands on a copy of the 'Annoyingly Thick' magazine? I would like to read the stories in there!

Ha! undoubtbly cheese induced! Hear that GEW? I love that.

I haven't eaten cheese since... the last time I had those dreams!:eek: Maybe it was cheese induced... I ate cheese today, in my beans... Will I have strange dreams when I finally go to bed?

No cheese induced dreams last night!:D I am so happy!...well maybe not...

Black mail to the Editor

Beloved Friends (of Money and not me):

I can't help but notice that the article "Nothing is too big to be put on the Downs" says Hookbill is quite incorrect. While Sir Hookbill make have said so during his free time - in which case it is an offence to bring matters of the time free into public discussion - the Black Mail Historians, of which I am a proud representative, claim that there is actually no mention of a "Sir Hookbill" saying "Nothing is too big to be put on the Downs" or anything resembling "Nothing is too big to be put on the Downs" in any of Miss Black Jack Black in Black Mail Jack Mail's mother's personal diaries. It of course means that the Downer is under no authority to claim otherwise.

If you have any intentions of preserving your public image (which, if I were you, I'd renovate in any case), send the sum of two hundred (200) black rings to the address of the sender - he shall be needing them. If not, why don't fault me, I warned you!

Midregards,
Olov the Scaled
Janitor of the Black Mail Historians
Black Hail Alley 1O 10U 100C 1000H
Failblackmailtown, Neil

Random Titles get brain-washed, really!
 

Hookbill a manipulator? Never! He is the most wonderful wight living, and would never do such a thing! In fact, I think he's on his way to becoming the first journalistic saint. Mm...I like cheese........:smokin:

Wait, he's the most wonderful wight living? And here I was thinking that Barrow-Wights were all dead...;)
But I agree with you, Hookbill is the most wonderful wight! And I did not write the article. I'm pretty sure Hookbill did...

Dear Gnonesuch,

I don't much like your tone of voice. Therefore, I'm sending you a life-time supply of sulfuric acid through your water pipes.

Take a bath!
- Jim the Public relations officer.

Dear sir,

The Downer refuses to engage in legitimate business proposals. Our accountant has all the illegal and highly morally questionable money to deal with. We are therefore forwarding your letter on to the Editor in Chief of The Barrow tabloid newspaper.
Hoping you have success,

- Harrold the new Public relations officer.

Actually, if you take a care to READ what was written, it becomes clear that that excellent article was written by Mr Formendacil. Great scotsman's ghost, don't people read anymore? Do I have to use the Hitler poster again? :p

You don't think they might right about it, do you? That would just be preposterous! Showing an eemy newspaper in a bad light like that!

Yes I read it, I wasn't sure which article was his though.... Of course I'm not the brightest of people, so I could've missed it.

What do you think of Morai's post?
( ) I approve
( x ) I disapprove
Your comments on this post:
Reputation ain't always a good thing. ;) :p For example, Four Men To Kill (aka Four Men Do Gah!) has a reputation for being a person with intense dislike for sprouts*.

__________________
*May be false. In fact, I think it is.

North of Gobbledegookia, on the I-47.887, about five leagues or so out of Tel-e-vishon, across from the Happy Flowers Asylum for Small Puppies. Can't miss it.

[quote=Hookbill the Goomba]Great scotsman's ghost, don't people read anymore? Do I have to use the Hitler poster again?{/quote]

Well, literacy has taken quite a hit since the publication of the Downer commenced. Why be literate, if this is as good as it gets? :p

That assumes, of course, that I have gold... and what with being a student and all, that is an unfounded assumption, I would say--about it solidly built as a mountain made of mud and silt. If I have any gold, it would take a keen burglar with the nose to smell it and the brutality to trash the place to even find it.

Besides, those cobwebs are getting a little thick... they could use a disturbing.

Thank 'ee, I must go there sometime now that I know where to go...


The Downer, best thing since mouldy lunches.

The Downer: Better than a punch in the stomach-
Eönwë Magazine. Rating for the Downer-1/2*

Review:

Well, I was just joking TGEW.

So was I...:rolleyes:

Roll up, roll up!
 

You'll get your fill of news if you eat The Downer...

Thanks to TGEW for the mini-headlines....

http://i75.photobucket.com/albums/i2...ah/Week105.jpg

This week, The Phantom has an idea...

http://i75.photobucket.com/albums/i2...h/PandA099.jpg

Oh no! Is there any way we can recover the lost fragments of the newspaper. Or will they b e lost forever in the Void

Ahhhhhhhhhhhh!
 

WHAT HAPPENED TO THE DOWNER?!?!?!:eek: I couldn't even read most of the story, do something!

Dont worry, this was clearly not the true Downer. . . I was not even mentioned, it must be fake one then.

I don't think you were mentioned in the last one either, so does that mean it's a fake too?

yes

You might want to petition Hookbill to bring out the "real" Downer then!;)

LETTER TO THE EDITOR

Dear Editorial Staff:

As a fan of the band 'Tables and Chairs', I must tell you your paper doesn't have a leg to stand on. The only controversies surrounding the band are those you newspaper types make up. Like your review of their first album, 'Tabled Conversations', where all your reviewer said was "the Tables are flat." Or the review for their last album 'Full Tables, Empty Chairs', Where the snarky writer quipped: "I don't know from full tables, but I do agree there will be a lot of empty seats when it comes time for them to tour." What kind of reviews are those anyways?

I find T&C both cerebral and sardonically dark, combining biting wit and political satire in the context of variating moods of mellifluous strains of old-world acoustic folk and orchestrally derived hard-driving rock. In regards to their continued 'go-green' environmental stance, they will be headlining an all-star benefit for the survivors of The Downer's savage mass-culling of woodland animals next Saturday at the Upson Downs Racetrack, Casino and Convenience Store. The Concert will be called BANDDAID (Bands Against Naughty Downers Depopulating Animals In Distress), and will air on public access cable channels in Hobbiton, Old Forest, Michel Delving and Buckland. The event will be sponsored by such environmentally ethical corporations and groups as Old Nag's Glue Factory, Tyson's Industrial Chicken Processing, Great Caesar's Sludge Removal and the National Rifle Association. Looking to see you there!

Regards,
P. R. Savvy
Talent Agent
Megalith Multimedia Marketing LLC
"Where the only bad news is no news!"

Pfft, no worries people. My pet barlog just got a little hungry on our tour of the print press room. :D

Oh, well then. I guess we'll just have to punish said "pet balrog"...

Here it comes again...
 

Extra special thanks and cakes to Formendacil for his excellent story on murdering Hobbits!

http://i75.photobucket.com/albums/i2...ah/Week106.jpg

So, one hundred Phantom and Alien comics. You must all be sick of them by now...

http://i75.photobucket.com/albums/i2...h/PandA100.jpg

Please send your complaints to;

Mr Moreduck, Editor in Cheif
The Barrow Newspaper
57 Old Barrow Way
West Downshire
Barrow Downs
BD27 G46

Re: the comic
 

Chainsaws and static! My goodness! Worst one ever*! :p

.

*according to the latest pole in the alternating current electromagnet. Or something like that.

Oh no, we'll never be sick of Phantom and Alien. You're going to be doing these for the rest of your life...:D

Oh Dear... :eek:

There was talk of a P&A sing-song, but, due to one thing and another, it never happened. Maybe at Christmas. Until then...

http://i37.tinypic.com/rbks3m.jpg

That P and A made me laugh so much I'm crying, it's a good thing my tea wasn't done yet or else it would've gotten all over the computer...:rolleyes:

Anyway...

Dear Mr Moreduck,
Why are we sending our complaints to you for the Phantom and Alien comic? You don't even work at The Downer! I'm suing you for your fraudulent newspaper and trying to take credit for things that you didn't do. I hope you're happy now!

Thank you for taking time to read my short letter, I expect to see you in court!

~A worried customer....

Bravo Mr Hookbill! A thrilling tale of evil geniouses, stolen tin openers, and sick aliens! :D Absolutely brillient!