I didn't know that Alien could get sick... That's amazing!

He's done it a few times...

Episode 15

Episode 51

and

Episode 86

Oh how I seem to like reusing that punchline... :rolleyes:

Leslie 'Sonny' Moreduck, Editor in Chief
The Barrow Newspaper
57 Old Barrow Way
West Downshire
Barrow Downs
BD27 G46

My Dearest Les:

As I haven't seen you since Mother's Day, I thought I would drop a line just to say hello, and thank you again for the lovely "I Survived the 2004 Downer's Picnic" t-shirt you gave me as a present. Dear, I know you said it was a collector's item, and very valuable, but I passed by your news offices the other day (you weren't in), and there was a box full of what seemed to be the same t-shirts lying in the gutter next to the trash cans. Are those made of a different material or something? Ah well, no matter. I always get complimented when I wear it to the Bridge Club. The other mothers say things like, "Thats what your son got you for Mother's Day? My, he is a big spender!" Or "If he got you that as a gift, I can just imagine what your funeral will be like." It's so very nice to have such a thoughtful son.

Father is doing fine now that he's had his bowels shaved. There's no more of that very loud grunting and gasping from the loo in the morning. He sends his love. Well, what he actually said was, "we should have found a midwife with a twig and rooted it out," but you know how he is -- such a comedian. Your brother Bertie sends his best wishes. Just think, only five more years and he'll be out on good behavior. As you know, he would have gotten out earlier had it not been for that unfortunate mishap when his Tourettes suddenly acted up and he insulted the parole board for several minutes (public speaking was never his forte').

Anyway, congratulations on yet another fine edition of 'The Downer'. I don't really understand a word of it, but it seems to be spelled correctly and has very colorful adverts. I should expect you'll be coming around next week as your grandmum has finally gotten her false teeth and won't be drooling gruel on your nice suit like last time.

See you soon dear.

Love, your Mum

Oh, I thought that Alien could throw up when he wanted to...

Bravo sir, bravo! An excellent, wacky, overblown and hilarious centennial. :D

Plus, I believe we've found who has run off with Rune's balloon...can't quite make out who it is...

Let's have a look at some true facts...

http://i75.photobucket.com/albums/i2...ah/Week107.jpg

A new age has begun for The Phantom and Alien! Prepare yourselves for an adventure of epic proportions! Yes, this, volume 2 of their adventures, will see The Phantom and Alien engaging in murder, intrigue, murder, suicide, murder, monsters, catapults, murder again and, of course, John Fillis.

It's a roller coaster ride, who knows where it will end? ... Well... I do... But still!

http://i75.photobucket.com/albums/i2...Episode001.jpg

:D Ah, once again and after a long time I could read the Downer when it's still "fresh"...

"we're pretty sure it's more than three" :D

And the comic... Hmm... weird. Where's Alien?

But besides that, Phantom's expression on the end is priceless...

Hmm... Volume 2, week 1... My brother didn't laugh as much as last time... I did though! So it means that it was good!

LETTER TO THE EDITOR

Dear Sirs:

Having read your latest edition, I must say I am replying now with great consternation and concern. I combed each article, thumbed through the advertisements, and rummaged about in the classifieds...and I couldn't really find anything to complain about! I must say this is a first for me, and I am utterly at a loss as to whether or not I shall henceforth purchase your paper. You, sirs, have eliminated my God-given right to complain; therefore, I am mad as Hades, and I am not going to take it anymore!

Too long have responsible government officials tried to make things easier for me, too long has the road been made smooth where once lay potholes, too often have clerks in sales establishments tried to be pleasant. I want my misery! I want to be angry for no apparent reason, and you've taken that away from me! Without being able to criticize, complain and otherwise harbor irrational bitterness, I'll have nothing left but happiness. This is wrong on so many levels, I feel that this must be some sort of sinister plot promulgated by unknown high-placed insiders to make everyone merry. Tra-la-la, tripping through the daisies, peace and love and puppy dog entrails...BAH!

You have just one week to return to your horrid and distorted editorial pieces, terrible grammar and otherwise substandard reporting, or I shall be forced to cancel my subscription.

Sincerely,
Mr. Peevish Whinge-Carp
Old Grumbley Rd, Nagshead

It's an honor of a lifetime to on the cover of the Downer (which goes to show how sad my life really is:D). Though I must ask: how did the Downer know that I collect brains? That's the reason that I'm stalking Legate right now!:p

Of course the government has lied to the people more than three times Hookbill! I'd even say that they've lied as many as ten times!

YOU STALK PEOPLE?!?!?:eek:... well, who doesn't?

Anyway, having your face on the cover of the Downer means your life has meaning... My life obviously doesn't have any meaning...

Aha! I foiled your cunning plan. You are just saying that to get you own face on the Downer. What crude, underhand tactics. ;) Joking, joking.

My cunning plan? What? I was just stating the truth! Anyway, if I was trying to get my face on the Downer, then I could just ask Mr. Goomba. But anyway, I don't try to get my way by bragging about my meaningless life.

EDIT: I thought that John Fillis was a dog, not a giant monster. Alien said so himself!

Getting into your house
 

With just enough time to steal your wallet...

Special thanks and a large oyster to Formendacil for his amusing story about Manwe! :D

http://i36.tinypic.com/1z4l6y9.jpg

The continuing saga continues! Lets check in on Alien, shall we?

http://i37.tinypic.com/2dhsmro.jpg

LETTER TO THE EDITOR

Dear Editor:

I must duly commend your reporting staff on the timely article "Interlectual Accused of Complete Idiocy!" Very few publications have the gravitas these days to print such theoretic and controversial material. As you may or may not be aware, ongoing research is being conducted into 'bricks-for-brains' syndrome (ie., endocranial thickus brickus) at the American Sociological Society for Eccentric Studies (A.S.S.E.S). Having recently received a sizable endowment from the National Institute for Mental Health (NIMH), more in-depth study into the very nature of bricks-for-brains (both causitive and formative) will be instituted, as well as radical treatments for the mitigation of the brick material, including laser and sound wave techniques (as the old-fashioned methods of removal -- through the sinus cavity or ear canal with forceps or a tablespoon -- have proved ineffective).

Bricks-for-brains syndrome was first positively identified by Dr. Adobe Dutch-Bond in 1603 (although there were incidental mentions of syndrome-like symptoms dating back to the Roman Vitruvius in the 1st century BCE). Dr. Dutch-Bond noted a pattern among the Masons, important and influential civic leaders to a man, for inexplicable "bricke headednesse" that started at "a very yonge age and didst continue unabated for the natural lyfe of yon men". Unable to exploit his theory due to the rudimentary science of the age, Dr. Dutch-Bond merely concluded that these men were "imbeciles of the first order, lacking witte or propriety". Studies have progressed markedly since then, and it has been concluded that, based on measurements of a skull in the Russian Kremlin pruported to be that of Adolf Hitler, the cranium contained a cinder-block 44 cm × 21.5 cm × 10 cm in size, weighing in excess of 25 pounds. This, of course, left little room for concrete thought.

Sincerely,
Dr. Trench Kiln
Director
American Sociological Society for Eccentric Studies

Dear most estimable editor

I, of the Pattersons Intellectual Society for Social and Technological Advantage and Kinetic Energy Refusal am highly infuriated by your proposal that we may have bricks in our brains. We jus' cpeek funy. I's no' are folt. I vehemently request that you rremove such an article from the vicinty of your paper that allows individuals to recieve news.

Yours offenenendeddly,
Cleh Verboy

It's about time. :Merisu:

Very nice job on the cover story, Hookbill, I know a couple of people who's whole brain seems to be a brick! ;) I'm beginning to like Volume 2 of Phantom and Alien better than the old ones.

Glad you like the new style P&A. Next week, THE CONSPIROCY begins! :eek:

I would like to comment the article "Manwë stumbles". What I could possibly say about it is that it.... shocked me. I didn't expect an article written in such a "serious" manner ever printed in "The Downer". I mean... it's not... crazy. Or, at least not the way the others usually are. Odd.

The Downs' insanity quota has been down of late. ;)
If you want to rectify this, you can always write an article yourself. I'm always happy to accept submissions (as it means less work for me... *cough*)

The Conspirocy? Oh no! I don't know if I want my brother to read that!

But Hookbill, You should be very proud! I have converted my seven year old brother to P and A fandom... I think he has started a club...
But now he and I can qoute about five P and As and The Job Hunt!;)

Phalian!
 

Well, I've been thinking about this and discussing it with my siblings and have come to a decision! Because this new volume of The Phantom and Alien is quite long and complicated, I'm going to start publishing two strips per week.*

So, for you Phalian fans, here is this weeks second episode...

http://i38.tinypic.com/2ajyzgw.jpg
Episode 002
Episode 001

*Do note that this may change as soon as I start Univercity again. But I do have about 90% of this story planned out and most of Volume 3 in the works as well.

Manwë has a ninety-foot train!!?? It is HO gauge, er, scale for those serious hobbyists, or OO? Playmobil or Lego? Is it possible he is the secret author of the Thomas the Tank Engine series, another of the maia who yearns for creativity but, like Aulë, does so secretly in fear of retribution?

And now I can't decide if Manwë would be Mr. Conductor or The Engineer.

That makes perfect sense.:rolleyes:
But who cares! More P&A! YAY!:D

YAY!!!!!!! MORE P AND A!!! The rabid fans are more happy now!
But, why did you have to dicuss this with your siblings to make this decision?

Because they have been trying to get me to do two a week for the last year or so now. I finally gave in. :D

Do they read Phantom and Alien too? But in my opinion, I think that you should've put two out a week for a long time... But that's just an opinion...

Let's have a look at some News. Or, at least, something that pretends to look like news...

http://i33.tinypic.com/2wgx4bn.jpg

I wonder what Alien is up to... Let's find out, shall we?

http://i36.tinypic.com/8zqyzc.jpg
Episode 003
Episode 002
Episode 001

The next episode will be up on Thursday!

I can't believe Lal got demoted. Especially working with Alien! I'm going to sue!

Lal got sacked in the 100th episode (which, sort of, acts as a prologue to Volume two, just as the climax to volume 2 will act as a prologue to Volume 3).
And since when has anything Alien has done been counted as 'working'? :p

Cool! I can't wait to read the next one!Ummm... Good point. But apparently Alien does have a job...

Well he did in episode 99 as phantom's "joke machine". I don't know about before that.

The adventures of The Phantom And Alien continue in episode 5... With special guest, John Fillis!

http://i33.tinypic.com/5czs55.jpg
Episode 004
Episode 003
Episode 002
Episode 001

What's going the happen next? Well, you'll just have to wait until Monday. ;)

So John Fillis is the answer to the Phantom's problems? Well, my brother will be happy now...:rolleyes:

Making the Wights of The Barrow Downs insane...
 

Well, it's that time again! Dramatic news from Gondor reaches us today!

http://i75.photobucket.com/albums/i2...ah/Week110.jpg

And now for the continuing adventures of The Phantom and Alien...

http://i75.photobucket.com/albums/i2...Episode006.jpg
Episode 005
Episode 004
Episode 003
Episode 002
Episode 001

LETTER TO THE EDITOR

Dear Mr. and/or Mrs. Editor:

I am sorry to hear that Alatar's kettle experiment did not pan out, but it's tough to keep a lid on such things. What a crock! I am glad to hear that Scotland Yard has taken stock of the situation and has a handle on it. I wonder if they are perhaps grilling Alatar even now, putting him on the griddle, so to speak, in regards to his involvement. A few hours in the pressure cooker will lighten up Alatar, who I've heard is one tough cookie...sheet. But he's not teflon-coated -- I am sure the roasting will turn up some accessories-to-the-fact; however, such betrayal is much like the pot calling the kettle black in criminal matters.

Hopefully, The Yard will not allow time for Alatar to loaf about, for this allows the perpetrator's thoughts to simmer, which causes much waffling, and takes a lot longer for the truth to percolate to the top. Personally, I am so steamed about the leftover damage that I don't give a crepe if they treat him harshly! The police, if they want to urn our respect, must be timely in their investigative wok. Oh, I am aware of the daily grind, and even I am not fondue of extra work, but this case must be settled quickly. There is no time for this matter to reach a boiling point. The community is already quite chafed, so no dicing or mincing of the facts -- get to it -- chop, chop!

I am quite interested to hear what will happen next in the case, because, as you are aware, it's always out of the frying pan and into the fire with these things.

Sincerely,
Sir Hamilton Beach-Bundt
Royal Colander Dough-Boys

Kettles Have Been Banned??????????
 

That means no more tea for me... Unless I smuggle my kettle into the Downs!

Dear Sir Hamilton Beach-Bundt

Are you the fellow that has been stalking our janitor?
In answer to your letter, all I can say is that the government is supposedly doing all it can to have all kettles melted down. By next Thursday they plan to move on to other kitchen items. The Saucepan Man has reportedly skipped the country.
As far as we know, alatar escaped from jail and is currently heading to your house with a massive bat and a knife.

Keep Reading The Downer!
- Dave the Janitor

Random Titles smuggle tea kettles
 

Kettles banned? Good riddance, my tuner said they whistled a bit sharp. :Merisu:

I would also like to compliment Dave the Janitor on his cleaning abilities for cleaning the burning mess of the Downer Office so well that, my newspaper showed no evidence explosion! Great work.