Dr.X will build a creature...
 

Elrond (to arwen): "In just seven days, I can make you a man. Dig it if you can!"

~ Aesthete

PJ: "You'll never guess my name!"

Arwen: "Rumplestiltskin."

PJ: "Dang - you're good!"

PJ: "You mean this isn't the Convention of Short People?"

OR

PJ: "Alright, who taped this 'Kick Me' sign to my back?!"

Elrond: "How many times have I told you not to bring Dwarves here without my permission?"

P-J: Do you want a fight?

Arwen: Erm...

OR

Arwen: Pass me that message, dwarf!

Dwarf: Can't reach.

Arwen: then walk over here.

Dwarf: Its too far.

PJ: And after relieving Helm's Deep and killing Denethor, Arwen, like, weakens, because of the Power of the Ring...

ARWEN: Father, you must aid this Hobbit, for he has been pierced by a Movie-Mogul-blade and is in grave need of healing.

ELROND: Indeed.

Continuing Anguirel's
 

PJ: That's not what you were saying during contracts when you were going to get first billing and bonuses for doing your own stunts!

Elrond: Have you been smoking?

Arwen: Of course not! I don't have an addictive personality!

Man: Who ordered the five crates of cigars?

Arwen: ... Erm... Glorfindel?

OR

Elrond introduces Arwen to their new neighbour.

PJ: CUT CUT CUT!!!

Liv: What? We were saying the lines correctly.

PJ: I don't care, production won't go any further.

Hugo: Why?

PJ: Somebody stole my cazoo and we won't do anything until I get it back!

PJ ... "Ok Hugo, you were right .... paying homage to The Sound of Music by making costumes out of curtains isn't going to work ... so Liv this means youare going to have to run around the Misty Mountains followed by my children reproduced by CGI so there are a dozen of em and sing ..uh

Elves in white dresses with sparkling mantles
Sweet little hobbits with hair to their ankles
balrogs that fly with fire on their wings
these are a few of my favourite things..."

Liv: "Call my agent "

Year 100 of the 4th Age: Fellowship of the Ring reunion. The turn out wasn't as well attended as Elrond had expected.

OR

Aragorn: What can I say, Gondor has the best cakes!

Cost-cutting Measures Hit LotR
 

PJ: "OK. I've run through $300 million faster than Orcrist can cleave a goblin. In order to save a little money, I will both direct and play the role of Gimli . . . I look like him anyway, and I'm short enough that we won't need any odd camera angles. Is this where I ask for a hair? No? LINE PLEASE!"

Although PJ was usually pleased with Weta's work he wasn't too tickled with the supposedly life-like plaster Arwen that turned up with no arms...

Hugo: Who's this guy?

Liv: I don't know, I thought he was with you

Hugo: Well what are you here for?

Man: I was told to come here by my agent to try for the part of Bombadil.

Hugo and Liv: Who the hell is he?

Arwen: Can I help you?

Man: I have a new picture for you!

http://img-nex.theonering.net/images...book/11255.jpg

Wraith: Don't you think we're a bit conspicuous?

Sauron: No! Not at all. Be quiet! *Slaps*

OR

The interior design of Barad Dur surprised everyone when they first entered.

Sauron: Well... it’s... certainly... unexpected. The carpets were an interesting idea... BURN IT ALL!

Sauron: "Are you gonna put your cloak in the cloakroom tonight or am I going to be stood there like a lemon, holding it all night while you dance around headless and legless as usual?"

The Lord of Minas Moretall:C'mon Shorty follow me

Smallone of Barred-door: Whatchit big-head or I will send the Girls round.

Sauron: Okay, who stole the Ring wraith's Game Boy?

Wraith: :(

OR

Sauron: You distract them while I make a dash for the exit!

Before deciding to go to war over a silly ring, Sauron decides to ask the local lost and found if they've seen his ring.

It was a great luck when the two odd looking actors by mistake went in the wrong door and ended up at the LOTR casting instead of the one for Teletubbies, as they intended.

After losing the war and getting kicked out of Mordor, Sauron and his Wraiths were forced to seek new employment:

Wraith: Uh, hi... is this the right place to apply for the job of children's entertainer?
Sauron: These outfits are okay, right? Only we didn't have anything special...

Sauron and his favourite henchwraith stomp off in disgust as they discover that for 'health and safety reasons', their local Working Men's Club has ruled not to admit people with hoodies and motorcycle helmets.

Sauron: Out of my way! I go first!

OR

Sauron: Ok, you put your right foot in . . .

On the Red Carpet...
 

Announcer: "Ah, and here's the Witch-King escorting the lovely Mrs. Ringwraith!"

Live! In Concert: gwar!!

Inspired by...

The Eurovision winners 'Lordi' had odd roadies.

Wraith: Geez, that movie was over nine hours long and they still left out Tom Bombadil.

or

Everyone was shocked to see the Wraith and Sauron coming out of Love Story.

Sauron and his favourite minion after auditioning for Pop Idol. Simon Cowell called their rendition of Can't Take My Eye Off You "ghoulishly charming" but rejected them as the Ringwraith didn't show enough leg for his 'taste'.

Sauron and his last remaining minion make their way though the Job centre to the unemployment office.

Sauron: Blaster Halfling!

OR

Sauron: Go on! Just tell him you don't want the job!

Wraith: I can't! You do it!

A Ringwraith helps Sauron search for his Mouth after it mouthed him off.

Sauron, already a little ashamed to be going to church, is completely surprised (and embarrassed) to find one of his Ringwraiths ushering.

Ringwraith: "Yes, we're from the UN, here for the meeting. Do we have any coffee and doughnuts to go with our non-binding agreements today?"

Gandalf: Erm.. Bilbo, there are two people here to see you about a ring.

OR

The lowest point in the Dark Lord's career.

Sauron: Have you been injured in an accident that wasn't your fault? Wraith # 5 was. He got 50 gold coins in compensation thanks to Mordor insurance ltd!

Duel of Doom
 

Witch-King: "I am the design expert who informs you that the atrocious color in your carpet is repulsive."

Ringwraith: "I am the colorblind homeowner who can't see the atrocious color in my carpet & therefore remain blissfully ignorant."

The Crazy Caption's 11,000th reply extravagance of good Doom!
 

A down on his luck Sauron starts to sell all he owns.

Sauron: Wraith for sale! Only £4.50

Sauron: Wait a minute, this isn't Minas Tirith.
Wraith: I told you we should've stopped and asked for directions!
Sauron: What are you talking about? I am THE LORD SAURON! I do not need directions!
Wraith: Well then, Almighty Lord Sauron. Can you tell us where we are?
Sauron: Uhhhh.......Rohan. Yep, it's definitely Rohan. No one else would have such lousy carpet.
Wraith: Yeah....Rohan.....right..... *snorts*
Sauron: *gives the Wraith a big smack in the head*

Obi-Wan: If you strike me down, I will become more powerful than you can imagine.
Darth Vader: Look behind you.
Obi-Wan: Oh, crap!

Or...

Ringwraith(out of the side of his mouth): It'll be a nice day...
Sauron(likewise): ...If it doesn't rain.
Ringwraith(loudly): Oh, so you're a Delta Knight too, huh?

Sauron: i still think this armour is a bit too much... and it makes me look fat

Ringwraith: stop your whining, you must look your best if you are going to present your 'One Ring' Theory to the world!

Sauron: yeah i hope they take it better then my 'Capture your king and kill him by werewolves' theory

Sauron: I thought you said this was a 5 star hotel?

Wraith: The web site indicated it was and I got it for a good deal. It was the best the Shire had to offer on such short notice.

Sauron: 5 Star my eye. We'd have been better off at Bree and made the daily commute. I need luxury con sarnet!!!

Sauron: I knew it was a bad idea let 'Changing Rooms' do up Barad dur.

OR

As Mordor falls apart, Sauron needs a scapegoat...

Sauron: Wraith! That was your fault! You're very bad!

Wraith: ... :(