When approached by the Pert people:

Wraith: Well.. I don't know if my shampoo is doing all that it could for me, honestly. But I know its superior compared to that Ranger bloke's we've been watching in the palantir.

*Sauron shudders*

Oh, it's casual Friday.

How to become a more beautiful person

1. Change your hairstyle.
2. Wear lots of makeup.
3. Wear a helmet or hood over your face. :p

Emperor Palpatine and Darth Vader- Peter Jackson's remake.

Quoting Jackson: "I thought I'd save money on my remake Star Wars blockbuster to finance my extended director's six-hour edition of King Kong."

Unknown to many arda residents who watched The Middle Earth Poker Tour, Sauron had a bad habit of throwing in random wraiths in a hope to pay off Mt. Doom's Morgage...

Wraith #7: Why do I have to do this again...?

Sauron: Oh don't give me that again, I see you guys playing poker at the black gate all day! Now smile for the camera so you look like you are somewhat intimidating...

~ Aesthete

Sauron: What is this?
Wraith: A new picture, My Lord.
Sauron: What?! They dare replace us?! Destroy it!

http://www.warofthering.net/quintess...possessed2.jpg

Frodo: What did you do that for? Were you actually trying to aim for me?
Faramir: I'm sorry, I thought you were an oliphaunt. Apparently, my eyesight is not as good as it used to be....

Faramir always overeacted a bit.
 

Faramir: A splinter Frodo?!?! We must get you to a medic.

Frodo: Could you please help me good sir? I have broken all the bones in one hand and have rheumatism in the other.

Faramir: Sure! Take this long bow. . .

or

When ever Frodo would try to steal a pice of candy, Faramir would give him a flick with his bow.

Frodo introduced his pet tadpole, Uncle McAllistair, to Faramir. However, it was indeed a tense moment.

Faramir: "Wow, that's a very... very shiny penny Frodo. May I see it?"
Frodo: "No! Get your own shiny penny!"

OR

Frodo: "And this is sign language for "You're standing on my toe!"
Faramir: "Wow, that's amazing!"

And now The Question was begged of Faramir...

Frodo: "What would you do for this Klondike bar?"

Faramir: It's called a mouse trap for a reason. If you wanted some cheese, you should have asked.

OR

Guy in background: He never gives me pocket money.

Faramir: Oh I'm so sorry Frodo! With all these script changes I thought it was now that you got your finger cut off.

FRODO: Please, Mr Faramir...could I have some more?

FARAMIR: More???

RANGERS: Morrre?????

ALL: Ba-aggins, Ba-aggins, never before has a boy wanted more...

Faramir: So you wish to become a Ranger Frodo, the tests are quite strict, first you must run a mile holding water in your hands without spilling any, then just like me you have to be as tall as my bow.

Frodo: Will the the water be flavoured?

Faramir: "Drop that toad. You'll get warts."

Frodo: "You can't get warts from a toad. He's my friend."

Can you blame him!? O_O
 

Frodo was unnerved by the white chest hair sprouting from the crease in Faramir's armour.

Frodo was trying to weigh what was worse- The fast growing gangrene in his hand, or his limited knowledge of the avarian flu and that it seemed Faramir was indeed turning into a chicken...

Faramir: Frodo! You really needed to tell me earlier that you had gangrene! Here, let me see it, we're going to have to cut off your hand before it spreads...

Frodo: No way chicken man! I know what you're going to do, and I don't want to be turned into a farmyard bird!

Faramir: ?...


~Aesthete

Frodo: Come Sam! Let's get back to the Shire before gang...wait a minute... Where's Sam!?

or

Frodo: Well, there's good news and bad news.

Faramir: What's the good news?

Frodo: I named my nickel Phillip.

Faramir: What's the bad news?

Frodo: It's a GIRL nickel!! :D

Faramir: Give me back the keys to the secret hide out and I'll give you a chocolate bar!

Frodo: Hmmm... NO!

OR

Faramir: Stop being so childish. You have to hold my hand while crossing the road.

Texas Hold 'Em baby!
 

Faramir: "Come on Frodo, you must show me! I have to know if I made the right decision or not!"

Frodo: "Sorry buddy, you know the rules. If you fold we don't show our hands..."

Faramir: Oh no, here's another one. Just ignore him, men.

Frodo: Please sir, can you spare some change for a poor young hobbit down on his luck??



OR


Faramir never knew that hobbits had interchangeable pieces until Frodo screwed on his replacement hand.



OR

Faramir: You shrunk Samwise?!?

Frodo: He's much easier to carry now!

Honey, I Shrunk the Ring!
 

(building on that last one...)

Frodo: What have I got in my hand? Oh, nothing - just a speck of dust. I know, it looks almost golden in the sunlight, doesn't it?!

(thinks: It may be easier to carry this way, but how do I keep from losing it?!)

The Riddle Game
 

Faramir: "What have you got in your hands?? That's not a proper riddle! I understand your queer companion a bit better now. And don't give me that look! He told me all about your Uncle Bilbo while you slept last night."

Frodo: "OK then, what I have got in my pocket?"

Faramir: "That's more like it! Can I have three guesses?"

Frodo: ("Sheesh. These men of Gondor aren't too bright.")

Faramir: "What was that?"

Frodo: "Sure. But hurry up. I haven't all night."

Faramir: "Handses!"

Frodo: "HANDSES?!? Are you a complete idiot, blind, or both?"

Faramir: "A knife!"

Frodo: "No, I'm just happy to see you."

Faramir: "String, or nothing!"

Frodo: "No and no. OK, show me the way to Minas Morgul."

Frodo: "What's this??? I give you "my two cents" and you respond by giving me "a penny for my thoughts" - I'm getting cheated here!"

Three thinkers tell us why the Oliphant crossed the Anduin...

Faramir(Plato): For the greater good!

Frodo(Emily Dickinson): Because it could not stop for death...

Passing Ranger(Mark Twain): The news of its crossing has been greatly exaggerated...

~Aesthete

http://i33.photobucket.com/albums/d7...ane/nazgul.jpg

Nazgul: "Curses! We hates the Yellow Face!"

"Fly, my pretties! Fly, fly!"

The first ever Nazgul race in Middle-Earth

Commentator: And the Witch-King is out in front! What's this!? The Witch-Queen!? Where in Morgoth's name did she come from!? Would you look at that! She's speeding along ahead of the pack and sh-ooo!! That looked like it hurt!

Sauron: you must fly this winged beast now

Nazgul: surely you can't be serious

Sauron: of course i'm serious and don't call me Shirley

Unknown to many, Sauron actually was the original composer of 'The Ride of The Valkaries', until he lost a court battle with Wagner for using his word of the month. They later settled on trading the 'Valkaries' with 'Nazgul'. Sauron would never recover musically...


~Aesthete

Nasgul: G-guys, I think that tower is watching us again!


OR


Nasgul: Aaaaand it looks like we've got some heavy traffic on Interstate Six today, so if you're trying to get in or out of Osgilliath, it might take you a while. And now, back to Bob with the weather.

Nasgul 2: Thanks, Fred. Well, it looks a bit cloudy today, chance of showers later in the afternoon. No dawn tomorrow, at least not for mankind, so make sure you turn on your headlights... Thanks for listening to K-NAZ Radio.

Jurassic Park IV:
The Lost World is Really Mordor

In theatres everywhere, see newspaper for details.

Everyone thought that Sauron was mad, but this proved he had Bats in the Belfry.

Nazgul Airlines commercial: Fly, you fools!

Nazgul#3: He's spotted us! Run away!

Sauron: Get back here with my dresses... I mean... Things that are for my wife!

OR

Witch King: Darn it! Why do I get the Fell beast that’s a dribbling idiot?

For some reason this early sketch of the design for Big Ben was rejected.

Dumbledore was not pleased with the new providers of the Owl Post after the service had been contracted out.

Quidditch Middle-earth style.

or

W-k: *thinking* I liked it better before master knew his ring still existed. We could spend all day circling and climbing....circling and climbing...*sigh*...Man I miss that now it's go find the ring this or go find the ring that. This job use to have perks now he's simply a slave driver. I'm forced to work long hours and he's taken away all my vacation time. I wish I had some other skills; I feel so...trapped.

or another thing we've all done

Wraith: Oh crap guys, the boss is looking again, look busy!

playing off of Esty...
 

Nazgul Airlines: The moonlight shows us for what we really are...