Sir Hamilton Beach-Bundt,

Your 'Letter to the Editor' has me steamed, and note that I'm stewing over and brewing up an appropriate response. All of this brouhaha over banned kettles is overdone, and your whining about the 'little flambé' is obviously half-baked, hard-boiled and over-toasted. :p

Sincerely,
- alatar

To: Mr. Al Atar, esq.
From: Sir Hamilton Beach-Bundt VC, BC, KG, OBE, LOL
Date: XII August, MMVIII
Re: Your impertinence

Dear Sir:

In reply to your reply regarding my editorial reply to the article "Kettle Experiment Has Disastrous Results", I can only pan your observations and equate your simmering anger to your time in the stir. It is quite likely you haven't blended well with the prison population, as it is evident that even in such a roiling mixing bowl of pot-heads, burn-outs and small-fry criminals, you are in hot water. Your retorts are strained and your pronouncements parboiled -- mere re-hashed pablum -- and grist for the mill of scalding invective. Although the wheels of justice grind slowly, eventually your goose shall be cooked.

But if having your feet held to the fire is not your cup of tea, if such a roasting causes you to blanche, then atone for your criminality or you shall be toast. Perhaps by pleading guilty in short-order, justice will have mercy on you. After all, a spoonful of sugar helps the medicine go down.

Sir Hamilton Beach-Bundt,

Why you continually grind away at this froth is to me, well, just nuts. Maybe we need to peel away what lies beneath your thin-skin to see why you are making such a feast from such dredging. What be my crime? Without science, and my experimentation, we will never know if the kettle can ever truly call the pot blackened or otherwise.

And though you seem to coddle visions of me battered and beatened while on ice, I must assure you that I've already scrambled far from the pound, whisking away to start cobbling together yet another tincture in a teapot.

In the future, you may want to temper your gristing.

- alatar, on the lamb

To: Mr. Al Atar, esq.
From: Sir Hamilton Beach-Bundt VC, BC, KG, OBE, FTW
Date: XIII August, MMVIII
Re: Your continued impertinence

Dear Sir:

My, you are saucy! It is a fine kettle of fish when one is subject to the foaming blather of a greasy convict, make no bones about it! But I am not daunted, and can dish it out as well as take it. Stew in your fermenting juices, if you wish, but have a care not to disembogue the congealed offal of your tepid intellect against one of your butters...I mean betters.

You, sir, are at a fork in the road, and you are running out of tine.

A kettle by any other name could possibly go by... As far as i'm concerned, such laws are only in the name. ;):p

~ devilry advocating Ka

Well, you'll probably be wanting your next dose of Phantom and Alien rubbish, won't you? No? Tough! Here it is anyway!

http://i75.photobucket.com/albums/i2...Episode007.jpg
Episode 006
Episode 005
Episode 004
Episode 003
Episode 002
Episode 001

Who knows what will happen next? Apart from me?

Hmm... this new character looks pretty threatening. Does he have a name?

He's not a new character. He's been in quite a few times.

He first appeared in EPISODE 12.

He was in the 100th episode. It's Morsul the Dark! The joke with him is that he has a bizarre vendetta against The Phantom which is NEVER EXPLAINED and probably never will be. I suspect Phantom ate his sandwich once...

But do look out for new characters. Very few of them are insignificant to the plot. Even old Gross the Boss may have his day. ;)

I like the way that The Phantom doesn't even notice him!

Yeah, I think I'd have a vendetta against The Phantom too, if he took my sandwhich. They're too tasty to just forgive and forget over ;)

Oh, so if I call my kettle (or my not-kettle) 'the pot that I heat up water in for my tea' then I can still have it!

Just in time for the eleventyfirst!
 

This just in, happy 100th issue to the Downer! Special Correspondent Oddwen Floddball gets her assigned special correspondence in *cough* on time!

In 2004, Tolkien fans were pleased to hear that a formerly undiscovered culture had been discovered in Indonesia, and that they were being called 'Hobbits'.

So inspired was one fan, that she went digging in her own North American backyard...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FJpeKtHu6Q4

Starring Oddwen and Oliphaunts_Rule.

An Eleventy First Downer! Phew!
To celebrate this most unusual of occurrences, may I present the first ever Downer with the main headline written by someone else? Yes? Good.
When Legate, in a video, commented on the fact that there may be a Downer article about his antics, I didn't want to oblige. However, the phantom did...

http://i75.photobucket.com/albums/i2...ah/Week111.jpg

The continuing story of The Phantom and Alien... continues! This is the first of a two parter...

http://i75.photobucket.com/albums/i2...Episode008.jpg
Episode 007
Episode 006
Episode 005
Episode 004
Episode 003
Episode 002
Episode 001

LETTER TO THE EDITOR

To like teh dude who owns the paper or whatever:

Ummm...I was, like, reading your paper (as if!), and I, like, read where you were saying stuff, like, about having everyone talking foreign and stuff. And I said ummm, like, WHOA! It took me years to like speak like normal, you know? And like, I aint got time to start speaking like some Englishy-type person. Where are they from anyway?

And then my GF (ummm...not like I'm lesbo or something, she's like a good friend, you know?), and you know what she said? She said, like, British stuff is just like American speaking only it sounds funny, and I said, like, whatever, and she said whatever back, and then we watched this dorky Britishy movie about little guys called habits, and all the guys in the movie had like beards and swords and wore dresses or robes or something, and they had this big eye ball, like, shoved on top of a tower (which I guess is, like, how they get cell phone service, or whatever) and my GF (just a friend, K?) said that all the dudes in England wore dresses and stuff, cos her uncle is from Scotsdale or Scotlin or something and thats just like England 'cept they talk even weirder. And I said no way! and she said way! So I guess it's true. But that Leggo-my-eggo guy in the movie was, like, pretty hot, and he wasnt wearing a dress so he's, like, awright.

Anyways, why don't you guys like speak American, cos I have to, like, go shopping and stuff, so I got no time to, like, learn and stuff, KK?

BRB AFK,
Tiffani Blatherskite
LA USA

Very entertaining cover story, Hookbill, I couldn't stop laughing at that penguin remark! :D

Hookbill - I loved the mini-heads. :D
tp - the article was hilarious.

oh, I forgot to say, the phantom wrote the mini heads as well... I just wrote the little bits underneith them and the second story... I was very lazy this week. ;p

I was waiting for this the whole week!
 

I want to have a British accent and get rid of this horrid American one! I should've taken Oddwen's class!

Hahaha. But I actually laughed more at the bits underneath them than the mini-heads themselves... :D *runs away before tp comes*

No, not yes... There was one other... remember week 104? The main headline wasn't written by you, Hookbill, but by someone else. By me. I at least remember that!

The British accent in overrated. If anything the Texas twang or the Alabama drawl are the only accents worth having (I get into arguments about this all the time:))

I just noticed that the Downer has me shaving my face away. It's a little late reporting it, I did that LAST week. My face has grown back since then.;)

What? You mean this week 104? The main headline was written by me. The 'inside' headlines and the 'magazine' ad were yours. :p

Which one? English, Scottish, or Welsh? And which dialect? I've always thought Northern Welsh was a particularly good one.
Or are you one of those people who think that 'British' means 'Stereotypical English bloke'? I grieve for the world, some times. ;)

In other News...

For all you Oxonmooters...
Work on the Special paper has begun! It will probably be printed on A3 sized paper and consist of; Front Page, two inside pages and one back page. There may even by a special Phantom and Alien there too.
So, if you're heading to the moot, don't be surprised if I shove one of these in your face and, while you're distracted, steal your shoes.
At the moment I'm planning on bringing about 6, maybe 7. I can't seem to get a definite figure on the number of Wights attending, but I'd rather take too many than not enough.

Right... That's what I said wasn't it? Sorry, I must have been a bit confused...:o

I've never heard Welsh and I think Scottish, and Irish for that matter:smokin:, sounds a lot nicer (probably because it's more rugged) than English.

I thought it was a myth that Americans went crazy for British accents until I went there and was a sked "Can you stay here all day and just talk?" though that was Great Bend, Ks where I don't think they get a lot of overseas visitors :cool:

So typical of phantom to ask me out and then call the reporters... :rolleyes: That guy is so full of himself. :p

And I always knew that Legate was up to no good!

Yeah, the article kind of enlightened me too. So it was that! :D

Wait, he asked you out too?

And finally Legate's evil plan is uncovered... Although I still haven't figured out what that is though...

Oh don't worry, it's still available - for the entirely reasonable price of thirteen easy payments of 599.97, that is. :Merisu:

Faking an accent is a worthwhile skill. My buds and I have done it before to get better service at stores and restaurants.

And what's wrong with calling the reporters, Agan? You should be flattered that I'm proud to have the story reported. ;)

What sort of accents? Like an English kind of accent, or what?

And I've tried faking an accent before, it doesn't work out very well... Maybe I could take Oddwen's nice lessons!

599.97 what? American dollars? Because if it is, than I could probably pay for it... But if it is that many British pounds, then I don't know... Because they're worth like twice as much...

Can I just put it on Hookbill's Barrow-Card?

English, Scottish, German, Russian, and Czech.

Well, nothing, I guess, but it was only our seventh date! Aren't you going a bit too fast?

TGEW, I could teach you to speak in a Finnish accent for free. ;)

Can you teach me to speak Finnish for free, or would that come at an extra price?

Episode 9
 

Okay, it's Thursday... Apparently. So here's your second dose of Phalian goodness. Warning: may damage your health.

http://i75.photobucket.com/albums/i2...Episode009.jpg

Episode 008
Episode 007
Episode 006
Episode 005
Episode 004
Episode 003
Episode 002
Episode 001

Have we heard of a fish man before?

Hmmm... I wonder which movie Alien saw? ;)

I can only fake accents on accident. Like once, I was ranting about math...and stumbled upon a Scottish accent, only to switch to my flat Western American accent once I realized what was happening. Does it count if it only lasts a paragraph of monolouge or so? :o:D

As for Alien, he should make sure the popcorn has extra butter, melted from a cube in the microwave (extremely messy but delicious.)

British accents are quite lovely, just having any sort of accent besides Western U.S. will up your approval ratings with me 56%! TGEW and I are quite enamored with British accents, and would seriously appreciate lessons on this most correct manner of speech. As a side note, I picked up a dreadful British accent when I went to England in 2007, but I lost it about a week after I got back.

The attempted murder story was brilliant, but I think the next breaking story should feature a gang of eels running amok in Rune's Quality Beef.

Why don't you write an article, Lauri? If I can, so can you.