Orc chieftain: "Kill them! They took my nail polish!"

OR

The cosmetics company hired a pack of models for the release of their new pore purifying toner.

Ism Ism Ism!

Orc: To the Supermarket! Away!

OR

Don't do drugs, kids.

A typical running-for-government ad created to slander the opposition:

Voiceover: "Here you can see, in a typical unflattering picture, my opponent and his running mate - who voted to raise taxes by approximately 379.21% and reportedly ate donates during all the meetings."

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v5.../ponysmall.jpg

Frodo: Do "Deformed Rabbit", that's my favorite.

Or...

Aragorn: And if all else fails, you can all hide in my boots!

Or...

Aragorn: Aha, shoeshine boys, just what I needed! Get to work!
Merry: But we're not...

Or...

Sam: I wonder how many cows had to die for those clompers...

Or...

Aragorn: I had two cloaks, but for reasons I won't mention I had to sew one of them into a new pair of pants! Then I had an accident with a dagger...

Or...

Aragorn: I can fit a week's rations in my boots!

Or...

Aragorn: I am the bearer of the Sword that is Broken. I've got it right here, in my boot!

Or...

Aragorn: You think you've got it rough? Try a day in my shoes. Ha! Sometimes I wait weeks to use that joke!

Or...

Aragorn: O, solé mio...

Sam: Mr. Frodo, you never told me Gandalf was friends with Robin Hood.

Frodo: Ooh charades! I love charades.

Merry: Let me guess you're a...vampire.

Aragorn: Wrong.

Pippin: OH I know...you're D'Artanion!

Aragorn: Nope...Come on it's not that difficult...I'm a big scary guy that's going to lead you through a dark and dangerous forest.

Sam: And just how were we suppose to guess that mister?

Aragorn: "I got a fish and it was thiiiiiis big."

Frodo: Are'nt you that bloke from the Sword of Shannara.

Aragorn: Don't mind me, I'm just a lampshade...

Or

Aragorn: and it had teeth like the bowls of hell, and eyes that could burn ye socks off. It also had a foul stench like the rotting of a thousand courses, and horrible skin like a leper!

Frodo: So, why are you going out with her?

Aragorn: Wait until I get my hands on which of you little varmints nailed my boot to this stool...................

Aragorn: Some of you will die, but it's a risk I'm willing to take.

The Hobbit's are amazed by the puppet show premiering at the Prancing Pony.

Aragon: Okay, I've got a plan.

Pippin: Well what is it?

Aragon: Okay, it's like this, Frodo, you've got to stand on this stool.

Frodo: Uh-huh

Aragon: Well not only stand on the stool but I'll drape my cloak around you so you appear really tall then when the nine come you can do this with your hands. That way they will think you a man and not a hobbit and leave you alone.

I want a pair of those boots. *pou...*, er, *sulk*
 

Aragorn: My boots are full of water from the Midgewater swamp!
Sam: Midgewater! What do they get when they can't get Hobbit?
Aragorn(happily): My boots!

Or...

Aragorn the Magician: Nothing up my sleeve...
Frodo: What's that in your boot?
AragorntM: Uhh...

Or...

Aragorn: Don't laugh at my boots! When I turn up the cuffs, I can walk up to my hips without getting wet!

Or...

Aragorn: I keep another pair of boots in my boots!

Or...

Aragorn: *pout* I got these at the Gap of Rohan! They're all the style in Meduseld!

Or...

Aragorn: Whenever I'm short of cash, I just take enough leather from these boots to make another pair of boots and sell them!

Or...

Aragorn: We're the knights of the Round Table, we dance whene'er we're able...

Or...

Aragorn: Guys, you've got to help me! I'm being chased by Black Riders!
Frodo: Why?
Aragorn: Because I used one of their Fell Beasts to make my boots!

Or...

Aragorn: ...and when the Constable shouted "Stop Thief!", I threw my boot over his head and saved the day!

Or...

Aragorn: The three Silmarils ended up in the Earth, the Sky, and the Sea, but what they don't tell you about is the fourth Silmaril that ended up in my boot...

Or...

Aragorn(reciting):

"Gil-Galad had some elven boots,
To him the shoemakers would quickly scoot,
A fool was he for new footwear,
He couldn't stand to think of his feet going bare.

His laces long, his style was keen,
His twinkling heels afar were seen,
And countless yards of softest leather
Would bind his feet and give him pleasure

But long ago his soles wore away
How his laces got tangled, none could say
He fell into that deep, dark Mordor place,
Into Orodruin, after he tripped on his bootlace."

Frodo: That sucked.
Aragorn: Bilbo wrote it for me!
Frodo: No wonder.

Or...

Sam: Hey, why are you wearing two belts?
Merry: And don't say to keep your boots up!!

Mr. Interpreter patiently explains to the Hobbits why they aren't an allegory.

name this song!
 

Aragorn:now don't be sad... always look on the bright side of life! *whistle* always look on the light side of life! *whistle*

Aragorn's 'trousers of invisibility' were only a partial success....

Aragorn: No, you cannot have my boots. Now, where did you hide my car keys?

Last Boot jokes from me, I promise...
 

Aragorn: Yes, the Stewards of Gondor passed down the line a horn taken from one of the wild kine of Araw, but we heirs of Valandil got the hide!

Or...

Sam: Just what do you keep in those boots of yours, Strider?
Aragorn: Oh, the usual things, some goblin bones, a bit of bat wing, a stone to sharpen my fangs on...the usual.

Or...

All Four Hobbits: Bootstrap Bill Turner?!?!?

There was nothing quite like shadow puppets by Aragorn.

or

Aragorn: I will now sing "I feel pretty" for you young Hobbits.
Hobbts: *groan*
Merry: Whose idea was it to buy him the soundtrack to West Side Story?

Karaoke time in the Prancing Pony
 

Aragorn sings (off-key and off-rhythm, of course):

yet another of Aragorn's many stories from his travels...
 

Aragorn: "...and she had huge, well, 'tracts of land'!"

Step right up and see Aragorn the Magician with his invisible violin.

With the lighting juuust right...Aragorn was made to look much, much taller than the rest.

or

"Come one, come all! Ahhh good now that I have your attention. Who would like to be the first to shine my incredibly large boot?"

Aragorn: I don't know what it was about that wooden stool factory, but ever since I went there I've walked all funny.

Frodo: Erm... maybe you got something stuck on the bottom of your boot?

Aragorn: "But why is the rum gone?!"

OR

The hobbits watch intently, hoping that Aragorn, in the moment of his exciting story, will stand up on top of the stool and smack his head against the ceiling!

There is no Pony...
 

Aragorn (thinking to himself): "Gosh, in this pose I feel like Morpheus with a class of a bunch of little Neos..."

"When they make a statue of me, I wanna be in a pose just like this."


OR


The hobbits decide to answer the age old question of "How many Rangers does it take to light a lantern?"

Part One: Get Lantern is made more complicated by Aragorn's fear of standing on stepstools.


OR


Aragorn: "Behold! The boots of my ancestors! Used by Isildur to defeat the Dark Lord!"

Sam: "I though it was a sword!"

Aragorn: "Don't be silly. How could anyone kick Sauron's butt with a sword?"


OR


Aragorn: Check it out. They're Reeboks.

Aragorn: "Tch! I asked to borrow a pair of waders, what are these?!"

Frodo: "But these are Sam's waders!"

Aragorn: And let me tell you, somewhere in the wild there's now a Puss without boots.

Hobbits: Ooh!

The Hobbits are about to find out how many rangers it takes to change a light bulb.

OR

http://forum.barrowdowns.com/ubb/icons/icon3.gif http://forum.barrowdowns.com/ubb/icons/icon3.gif http://forum.barrowdowns.com/ubb/icons/icon3.gif http://forum.barrowdowns.com/ubb/icons/icon3.gif http://forum.barrowdowns.com/ubb/icons/icon3.gif :D

Aragorn:that aint a ring, this is a ring!

Frodo:ummm...thats a boot

Aragorn:ah, i see you've played bootsie-Ringy before

Aragorn: "Actually you think they're big now - my boots used to be this long before Arwen shrunk them in the dryer..."

http://i33.photobucket.com/albums/d7...30-saruman.jpg

Saruman: "If we call this tax increase an investment the Proles will lap it up."

Grima: "I bow before your genius, Saruman."

Saruman: "Get busy writing my speech, Worm!"

Saruman: If I had known that I had to fight Gandalf today, I would never have gotten that manicure!

Saruman tried unsuccessfully to quote Mr. Burn's catch phase. "Excellent"

or

Saruman prepares himself to do some much needed plumbing work.

Saruman: AAAGGHH! The palantir is bad for your fingers! I dislocated all of them!

OR

Saruman: This nail polish takes ages to dry!

OR yet!

Saruman's Tommy Cooper impression is a hit... Just like that!

Saruman: Feel the wrath of my fingernails of DOOM! :eek: