(It's a bit early, but...)
Pippin: I'm sorry Merry, they're sold out of Nintendo Wii.
Merry: No!

Merry: When I first spotted my foe, I thought I could defeat it. But...it approached so quickly. What sort of evil could cause a creature to move with such great speed? And then...before I knew it...that thing...it..it crawled up my leg! *wails*

Pippin: For goodness sake, Merry, it was only a spider!

Merry: Yeah...a big and hairy one... *whimpers*

Under the guise of helping a fallen comrade, Pippin stabs Merry to death.

Now he gets to ride in Eowyn's lap! :D

Pippin: Breath and push! Breath and Push!
Merry: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !

From the documentaries...

Pippin: "Uh-oh we're going to need the medics, he's got another tiny splinter!"

Merry: Hahahaha...can't....hahahaa...breathe.....hoohooha hahaha!

Pippen:
I don't know - the MP jokes kinda get old after a while...

Merry: Gasp...choke...hahahaha...no....heehee...they don't!

EDIT: Isn't that Eowyn?

Due to an awkward hug in which neither participant knew which side of the other's head to hug on... Merry and Pippin accidentally kissed.

Pippin: "Uhh...." *lapses into shock*
Merry: "AAAAHHHHH!"

New technology's learning curve
 

Once outfitted in splendid new armour, Merry and Pippin were forever stabbing themselves whenever they sneezed and needed to use a kleenex.

Merry: "Wahhh! I left my pipeweed in Minas Tirith!"
Pippin: "It's the end of the world!"

MEW!!! (Middle-Earth Wrestling)
 

Merry discovers Pippin's dominant headlock move...

Ref: "1...2..."

Merry: AHHHHH!!! I'm dying Pip. Everything is going black...all my life is flashing before my eyes...there are so many things I still wanted to do but alas for Merry...I am going going gone....

Pippin: Merry, it's only a splinter.

Pippin: Help, Gandalf! Merry's started to go into a severe case of pipeweed withdrawl!

Pippin: Mery, stop screaming! People are looking! You're embarrassing me!

OR

Merry and Pippin can no longer stand The Witch King's three hour rendition of 'Wheels on the Bus' with all the singing and dancing.

Merry:WAAAH! What do you mean I'll be LOST?

Merry: "Waahh! I don't like PJ's version of The Return of the King!"

Pippin: "Well, what about the Rankin-Bass cartoon?"

Merry: "Waaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhh!"

http://i33.photobucket.com/albums/d7...27-sam-orc.jpg

Orc: "Ha, ha ha! Yankee Doodle went to town riding on a pony! He put a feather in his cap and called it macaroni! Heee, hee, hee!"

Samwise: "I'll turn you into macaroni, you Tasmanian Devil Viking wanna-be!"

Sam's part time job as a pizza delivery boy goes dangerously wrong after he forgets the pepperoni.

Budget cuts in Mordor meant that the orc's swords had to be made of cheese.

OR

Sam: Now look here... ... Mss?

Orc: :mad:

Orc: Now, see here. The rules are quite simple, all I need before I clobber you to death is that you bend your helmet into place, so I can make a decorative notch in my sword with your head. Any questions?

Sam: Ah... Wouldn't that just ruin your sword even more?

Orc: *Pfft* It's a dictated tradition, like welfare ever mattered with that aspect...


~ Ka

Orc: ::::buuuuurrrpppppp::::

Sam: Was that really necessary?

Hello Kitty Orc: How do you like my costume?

Sam: There's a loose thread...hold still, I'll cut it.

HKO: Oh, no, that's alright... I'll manage, thank you...get away from me with that thing, you could hurt somebody!

Off screen, Sauron's eye deflates.

Orc: Erm... I won't tell if you don't.

OR

Sam: If you raise your bottom lip high enough, could you poke yourself in the eye?

Orc: I don't know. Let's find out!

They came prepared to fight, but it was love at first sight.

OR

Neither Sam nor the orc was sure which one should lead as they practiced the cha cha on the stairs.

OR

Sam: "See! I told you. Every time you make a false boast your teeth grow."

The Bridgekeeper...
 

Orc: "What....is your favorite color?"

Asterix and Obelix somehow find themselves in Middle-earth.

Sam: "Grandma?!?! What big teeth you have!"

Sam: Is the toilet vacant?

Orc: Yep, but I wouldn't go in there just yet.

Another dirty job for Samwise
 

Sam: Here, kitty kitty kitty. This won't hurt a bit.

Very fat cat: Oh no! I don't think so, I've seen what you've done to my brothers!

Sam: Now come on, just a little pinch and it'll be all over.

Very fat cat: No way! *holds sword towards Sam* You ain't fixing this kitty!!

Stealing from you Estel...

Orc: "What... is the airspeed of a flying nazghul?"

Sam: "With or without the One Ring?"

Sam: "Xena, you're too long in the tooth for that outfit now."

Orc: This had better not be about vacuum cleaners.

OR

Sam: Okay I wasn't going to ask, but now it's just bothering me... why are you wearing rolls of film for breast plates? You can't seriously have THAT many problems with PJ's version!

Sam couldn't help noticing that some of the Orc's blade had been bitten off. He wondered, at that moment, if maybe a pencil would be a better option for a bored Orc to gnaw on.

stealing from Valesse...
 

Orc: "Actually, they're Ritz (TM) crackers..."

Sam: "This better not be going where I think it's going."

Sauron's rabid hamster was a far more effective deterrant than an Orc army. Unfortunately, Sam was rather fond of animals.

Sam: Here, Mr Tibbles....
Mr Tibbles: *cruuuunch*

Orc: Sorry bit a toll is a toll and a roll is a roll we don't get no tolls we dnt eat no rolls. Wrote that myself.

Sam: fascinating...

"Robin hood men in tights"

Sam hesitates for a moment as he realizes that what he mistook for an Orc with fangs from a distance was actually an Orc crying rivers into his mouth...

Orc: "Hey, Number One - I'm a little emotional. And Number Two...I just like the salty taste."

Orc: Good morning, sir
Sam: Good morning, sir
Orc: There is no room enough for two to pass, let me step aside for you, sir!
Sam: Oh, no sir, you pass first, give me a pleasure!
Orc: Ah, sir, but how can I, please you pass!
Sam: I'm indeed honoured, sir, but let me make way for you!
Orc: No sir, please, you've been walking all that way up and must be tired, and for me it have been easy walk down the stairs, please you pass!
Sam: I see you are indeed a perfect gentleman, but sir, please go first as I see you are carrying some weighty load!
Orc: Oh, it's not heavy at all, kind sir, and besides, it's a short walk for me, and I see you've been travelling from afar, do be kind to proceed first...

After forty minutes of left-to-right a-dancing and bowing and polite muttering things finally begin to develop:

Orc: Arrgh, you crazy woolly-footed animal, why couldn't you just go along! I'll kill you!
Sam: Oh yeah? I've asked you to move on hundred times as if it was one, are you dumb or deaf, you oversized horned nutter?!

Troll-Guard of Jabbawooki the Hot: You can't pass until you give me the password.

Halfthing Jedi-knight: You love me and you will let me pass, LET ME PASS........

Troll-Guard: Your Jedi mind tricks won't work on me Luke Warmwater.

Luke Warmwater: Ok I.ve been sent to tell you that your overweight mother's spare tyre is flat and she needs you.

Troll-Guard: My mother doesn't own a motor vehicle.

Luke Warmwater: Who said anything about a vehicle, she's been run over by a steamroller.

Troll-Guard running into the distance: Muuuuummmmy.

Orc: Yes, I know, this is Rankin-Bass's idea of mixing goblinmen and hobbits.
Sam: Eeww.

Sam: "I call my +37 Blade of Orc's Bane."
Orc: "I summon my +19 Broadsword of Hobbit's Doom, which cancels all effects of the Orc's Bane Blade!"
Sam: "Well, then.... I summon my +33 Army of Elven Warriors!"


http://www.laurelindorenan.com/Last%20Alliance.jpg

Orc: "Pshh! I summon my +5 Giant Hand Specifically Created to Poke Elrond in the Gut! Your army will be thrown into chaos!"
Sam: "Giant Hand?! Are you using a legally registered arsenal?"

Elrond was furious at the fact that someone had stolen his helmet... :mad: