Well a you know that soup with the lstters in it? The letter o in letter soup if eaten by a pants bacomes a oliphants


What is a Istari

An Istari is a horrible crawling insect that feeds of bad puns...

Who was Finduilas?

Finduilas, the son of Oliver Twist and Mary Poppins was the inventor of the fifth wheel.
By this invention he made a fortune and decided to buy some real estate, which happened to be Hobbiton. He then proceeded to evict all the inhabitabts of this place and then build the largest golf course in ME.
He hasn't been heard of since he started playing golf there since last December.

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Who is Elrond ?

Know Thus !

Elrond is a little old man who lives at the top of a very big tower and controls the weather. No one quite knows how he got there, as there are no stairs and the tower if impossible to climb, but it is rumoured that he used the hot air spewing out of his mouth to fill a balloon which carried him up there.

Where is Minas Tirith?

Minas Tirith is locaed right by McDoandals on Main Street ME.


Who is Eru?

Eru is the hitherto unexpected and unexplained 'Great Emu' of Middle-Earth. He was named for his piercing call, that wakes a thousand babies. Most of those babies cry on the train, whenever I catch one...

Are the Valar a hideous form of offspring of the American 'actor' Val Kilmer?

Who is Val Kilmer?

It's actually "Valkilmer", a mid-level Dúnedain. He was also known as "Val the Unlucky" for his unfortunate career choices, or "Valkilmer the Wanker" for his propensity for drinking too much ale and getting into drunken rows in Bree.

It is said that when Aragorn called for the Dúnedain to join him on the Paths of the Dead, he specifically stated "But don't tell Valkilmer. He's best left at home."

Question: Who was Malbeth the Seer, and what exactly did he see?

Malbeth the Seer is actually a misspelling. The uncorrupted from of his name was Malbeth the Deer. He was a deer. Oh dear.

How many Hobbits does it take to change a lightbulb?

[ April 12, 2002: Message edited by: Stephanos ]

Hobbits, standing at only about 4 feet tall, are incapable of changing light bulbs. Instead they must await the yearly visits of Gandalf, the all hailled ligth bulb changer, who will change their lightbulbs for them if they agree to go on a dangerous quest. If the quest involves the fate of the world, they even get thier own free ligthbulb to take home!

What languages were spoken by the people of ME?

The people of YOU? Nev, it seems the therapy's not working! Your rampant schizophrenia has reached new levels. The only person who can read the languages of YOU is you, yourself. Now put down the oil and the frog and calm down.

What does JRRT stand for? [img]smilies/wink.gif[/img] [img]smilies/biggrin.gif[/img] [img]smilies/tongue.gif[/img]

JACK RABBIT RUNIC TALESPINNER !

Who was Queen Beruthiel? [img]smilies/eek.gif[/img]

She was the evil twin sister of Denethor and the reason that Minas Morgul was taken over by Sauron.

Why did Boromir want to take the Ring?

It is a little known, and seamy, fact that Boromir was not actually the son of Denethor, but was the product of a one night stand between his mother, Finduilas, and Röac, the raven of the Lonely Mountains.

Now we all know that ravens like to collect shiny things, and Boromir was merely giving in to his "raven nature". He was going to keep the Ring with his collection of broken glass, tin foil, marbles and chewing gum wrappers that he kept back in Minas Tirith.

But ravens are also honest creatures, and will leave something in place of the shiny object they take. Boromir intended to justify the taking of the Ring by giving Frodo a bottle cap.

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Oooops, forgot a question.

Why was Denethor mad at Faramir?

[ April 14, 2002: Message edited by: Birdland ]

Denethor was mad becuae Faramir gets all the sexy chicks and all Denethor has is a lousy palantir.

Where is Frodo going?

Frodo is going to the Super Bowl, to see if a certain ring works for making him invisible

Q: What is Sauron's favourite hobbie?

Sauron's favorite hobby is knitting. He enjoy's making tapestrys of buunies and flowers to decorate Barad Dur.

Q: What is Mithril?

[ April 14, 2002: Message edited by: Anarya SilverBranch ]

Mithril is a type of seasoning Sam uses in his rabbit stews.

Why did the Fellowship go to Lothlorien?

[ April 15, 2002: Message edited by: Sindalómiel ]

Smaug was Bilbo's childhood friend, they played together in the Shire until the sad day when Smaug's parents decided to mave to Dale. Smaug was so traumatised, he took to hording gold to save up for the air fare to go back to the Shire.

What did Sam and Frodo see in the mirror of Galadriel?

Oh, and from earlier, the balrog did not cross the road, it flew, with its wings, muahahah!! [img]smilies/evil.gif[/img]

Sorry, changed my question when I realised the topic was about the FOTR movie...

To get a lembas take-away!

Question as above

They saw the first McDonalds being built in the Shire, and lost the will to live.

Why did they send Boromir over the waterfall when he died?

Well, actually, the chronology of the story is slightly wrong and Boromir was still alive when he went over the falls of the Rauros. Aragorn and Legolas wanted to start a water park and convinced Boromir ro be the first to try out the "Rauraos Rapids". Unfortuately, they were slightly more scary than Aragorn and Legolas expected and Boromir was killed.

What is special about Aragorn's sword?

Not only is it good for killing orcs and things, but it doubles as a handy-dandy letter opener for all his fanmail, saving him many a papercut.

Why did Elrond wear that tiara thing?

Well, Elrond has yet to tell anyone, but he recently had a rather *cough* serious operation and is now known by those close to him as Elronda.

What did Isuldur do when he took Sauron's ring?

He balanced it on his nose, did the chicken dance and then spent the rest of his life in a padded room in Gondor's highest tower.

Where did Faramir take the Hobbits?

Well, faramir was actually a misspelling of farmer, so farmer took the hobbits to his farm where he fed them to his pigs (yes you heard me right!)

Who was Arwen?

Arwen was the murderer of Glorfindel.

Where did Frodo and Sam go after leaving the fellowship?

[ April 15, 2002: Message edited by: Vinyamarien ]

After leaving the Fellowship, Frodo and Sam arrived at Brunswick, in Germany. There they met up with some fellow midgets and formed a Pop band, naming themselves the "Flaming Shires" and have this hit song to their immense credit...

Seek for the Sword that was broken:
In Imladris it dwells;
There shall be counsels taken
Stronger than Morgul-spells.
There shall be shown a token
That Doom is near at hand,
For Isildur's Bane shall waken,
And the Halfling forth shall stand.

Halfling, Halfling, Baby !
Halfling, Halfling, Baby !
Halfling, Halfling, Baby !
Halfling, Halfling, Baby !


Sung to the tune of "Cherie Cherie Lady "
Which they plagarised off another group of midgets.

Having made quite a fortune from this venture, the two of them retired. But owing to their nature as adventurers they set off on another quest about a Lady of the Lamp, this time to places over the sea and were never heard of again to this hour.


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What does Saruman need the Uruk Hai for?

They are the only people who have a strong enough will to give him pedacures and spongebaths! [img]smilies/eek.gif[/img]

What happened to Eowyn?

"What happened to Éowyn?" indeed! This is the question that Theoden King would ask constantly as she galloped happily through the fields of Rohan, bringing home orc heads, practicing her swordsmanship on the local peasants, and learning to spit accurately.

"She takes after Éomund, dear", said his long-suffering wife, Elfhild.

Sadly, Éowyn came to a poor end because of her "un-maidenly" ways. Once the novelty of being married to a shield-maiden wore off, Faramir soon tired of the the headstrong Éowyn and shipped her off to the Sisters of Varda convent, kicking and screaming.

She didn't last long there.

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Whatever DID happen to that Oliphaunt?

[ April 15, 2002: Message edited by: Birdland ]

It was seen in someone's garden and lured into a very large cage using peanuts. It was then exhibited for a while before it escaped and followed a crowd of entwives off into the sunset.

What was Treebeard's reaction when he saw Merry and Pippin?

When Treebeard first saw Merry and Pippin, he was drunk from too much Ent-draught, and he thought Merry was a beautiful Entwife. Driven mad by the thought of such a sexy female Ent with Pippin (whom Treebeard thought was a very strange type orc/shrew crossbreed devised by saruman), he challenged Pippin to a duel, the winner of which would have Merry's hand in marriage. Of course Pippin agreed to this, because he is a fool of a Took. However, in a surprising turn of events, Grishnack (spelling?) arrived, miraculously alive despite having been killed by riders of Rohan not too many pages ago, and defeated both Pippin and Treebeard. He and Merry now have a lovely home by the Dead marshes where they will soon be having their third anniversary party.

Who or what is Grima the Wormtongue?

Grima Wormtongue is a horrible disease where the victim's tongue becomes long, thin, pink and generally wormy until it detaches itself and burrows into the ground. It is only marginally better then having tapeworm.

What do orcs do?

Every one knows that orcs used to be dancers at the local Chippendale's in Rohan. That is why they look like Chippenmunks. They got fired though, after crying too much about tips. They then went on to aid Saruman in his carwash service, as noted in The Two Towers.

My next question (which i forgot to add) is: What happened to Gimli when he was going into Lothlorien Forest? (did somebody already ask this one?)

A:He was attacked by a rabid oliphaunt that happened to be Galadriel's pet [img]smilies/eek.gif[/img]
(No seriously!)

Q:Who did Sam dance with at Bilbo's party?

The Mouth of Sauron...

What was Eregion?

The local gas station in Hobbiton.

Who was Celeborn?

He was Sauron's personal window-cleaner. Much windows in Barad-dûr I'll tell ya.

And now for a bit of music, this is Tolkien, right? What song did Frodo sing on 'The prancing pony'? (I want the text)