Restaurant owner: No face, no soul, no service.

OR:

*two minutes earlier* Nazgul: And for my third wish, fairy godmother, I want - Random person: That's it, I'm calling Security!

Cop: No ticket.

Cops: Sir please come with us.

Nazgul: I would like a double cheeseburger with some of Aragorn's hair on the side.

Cops: Sir come with us now or we will have to use force.

Nazgul: Also add in some Peter Jackson brains with a side of movie elf.

The cops then drag the Nazgul away for ordering nonsense from a parked car.

Police arrest suspect over attempted jewellery store robbery.
Or
The Nazgul was sentenced to five-hundred hours of community service and fined two thousand silver pieces after pleading guilty to -Five counts of flying on a fell beast while under the influence -two counts of public indecency and -one count of misuse of a Morgul blade.
Or
Nazgul arrested after breaching a restraining order held against him by Mr. Baggins

Nazgûl: 'No, no! To Mordor you will take me!'
Officer: 'Nice try, pal. Everyone knows Mordor's a country club prison. You're going to Lórien to do Community Service as Groundskeeper.'

The Nazgul's "black breath" is ancient speech for the breath of a really drunk Nazgul

Cop: Your BAC was 19 times the legal limit! It's a miracle you're not dead.

Nazgul: *hic* Now there's irony for you! *hic*

Nazgul: Look over there!

Police1: We're not falling for that one again!

Police2: Yeah, your 8 friends might have got away with it. But, fool me seven times or whatever...

OR

Police man left: Look, your novelty watch doesn't even tell the time. And it's big and impractical!

Police man right: Awww! But's its SO COOL!

The winner so far is Loslote, with:

"No face, no soul, no service."

:D

Nazgul: Before you haul me off, roll the new pic!

http://www.cellardoor.the-green-door...rry&Pippin.jpg

Pippin's most important contribution to the War of the Ring...being Merry's pillow.

Pippin: Hey, look, Merry! It's Santa!

Merry: No, silly, it's Dumbledore!

Gandalf: Who spiked the punch?!

Merry discreetly tried to warn Pippin of the Boa Constrictor round his neck.

Pippin wins the Ale vs Weed Halucination Contest whilst squinting at Gandalf the Pink on his Big Pink Pig

Merry to Pippin: "Wow, way to go, Pip. I see
not everything about hobbits is half man-size!"

Pippin was slowly coming around to the fact that Merry wasn't, after all, a qualified doctor.

Pippin: You said you were listening to my heart beat...

Merry: Um... Hobbit hearts are in the shoulder?

Ahhhh, it's been too long :D
 

Being under the influence helped Merry and Pippin handle the ghastly sight of Gandalf...UNCLOAKED!!

Merry drunkenly tries to sneak a taste of Pippin's pipe.

Pippin tries to do his warg impression.

We've all done it: drink, smoke, end up lost in an underground Dwarven mine. You're not young forever.

Merry and Pippin was so drunk that they did not notice "Sketchy Hand" running off with the pipe.

Merry and Pippin also attended Bostonmoot. :p

There's never a wrong time for quoting The Princess Bride, & when you're half-baked it might actually be one of the best times do so...

Pippin: "Mawwaige...Mawwaige is what bwings us togethew today..."

Sorry . . .
 

but it has to be done.

Pippin: "I don't care how much you smoke, Merry, nor how much I drink. The image of Gandalf uncloaking is burned into my mind forever."

Merry: "I think I'm going to be ill. By the way, whose hand is that?"

Merry: I think we need a new picture.

Pippin: Oh, I don't know. I like this one. I'm in it.

Me: Too bad, Pippin.

http://i47.tinypic.com/mvnlab.jpg

The Witch King refused to acknowledge the fact that he'd picked up a torch instead of a sword.

OR

WK: OH! ME SIR! ME SIR! I KNOW! I KNOW! I KNOW!!

Nazgul: My fire sword is better then yours!! :p
or

The upgraded lightsaber of fire!

or

Nazgul: The Shire's this way!!

Other Nazgul: Uh...no...that's up....

Nazgul: I knew I shouldn't have had those Brownies that were especially made in the South Farthing.....next time we order from Isengard!! Ooooo!! Look!! Butterfly!!

Nazgul: This is demeaning!

Sauron: Nonsense! The Lady of Liberty is honored.

Nazgul: Lady?? Of Liberty??? Why me? Faramir would make much more sense...

The forces of Evil could never, ever create anything new, only produce pale mockeries.... even of national symbols. You knew things were bad when Sauron erected a "Statue of Liberty" in Nurnen harbour.

DM: "YOU CAN'T USE A LIGHTSABER! IT'S NOT EVEN THE RIGHT SYSTEM!!"

WK's player: "I see no light saber. That would be a copyright infringement. I see a psionic spear-blade."

His lord Sauron was jealous, so the Witch-king vowed this would be his last advertising spot for Greyhame's Goodenough Goblin-sparklers.

For some reason, The Witch King's candy floss just wasn't selling.

OR

WK: What was that thing Sauron said about putting your finger in a plug socket? I think it was DO IT. So I'll just AAAAAAGH!!!

OR EVEN...

WK: Who did this to my sword? Is this your idea of a joke? These things aren't cheap, y'know!

WK: Hey, Ben Franklin did it!

Sauron: That was with a kite. And it didn't go so well for him, either.

WK: Well, this is Middle Earth, so I'm sure it'll be --

Sauron: Even worse?

WK: Yup.

Wow! These Ronson lighters are cool.
Now if someone would just invent cigarettes or cigars
instead of those hobbit pipes.

Anchorman: Today, we've switched out the Witch King of Angmar's regular decaf blend of coffee with Ork brand Red Kafeen Kristuls! Let's see if he notices.

WK: WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAUHG!

Camping out on Mt. Doom
 

WK: "Crap!"

Tries again.

WK: "Double CRAP!!"

Tries a final time.

WK: "I GIVE UP!!! Someone make me a s'more!!!!"

Originally "Lord of the Rings" took place during the Olympics.

The tenth Slipknot member.

WK: Noooooooooooooo!!!! I will burn you all before another picture is put up!!

http://thecia.com.au/reviews/l/image...-rings-1-3.jpg


The ORIGINAL cast of "Lost"

Sam: 'That's right Mr. Frodo! We'll give them singing chipmunks what for!'

Frodo: Why didn't anyone tell me my hair looked like that??

The obligatory
 

To the Hobbits' dismay, Gandalf uncloaks yet again.