After reading Gandalf's latest "book", even Elrond found it difficult to seem sincere in his compliments.

OR

Elrond sincerely regrets listening to Bilbo and Gandalf's advice that he read Elladan and Elrohir's dream journals.

Elrond checks that Gandalf actually completed the set of 100 lines he set for his punishment:

I must not uncloak
I must not uncloak
I must not uncloak
.......

Gandalf: "So, I'm doing this sponsored walk in aid of the Homeless Dwarves' charity, how about a penny a mile?"

Bolbo and Thorin wait for their punishment after Elrond finds their copy of "100 Ways to Prank Gandalf"

Gandalf: "I called in because you're really good with runes, and this blasted manual for my new DVD player may as well be written in them."

"The script be damned, Jackson. I'm not braiding Gandalf's hair".

Middle-England Elrond: "So, now you've shown me what it says in the Daily Mail, I'm wholeheartedly behind your mission! LAYABOUT DRAGON SCROUNGES OFF HARD WORKING DWARVES. You have to do something or house prices will plummet!"

"What do you mean 'look out for the White Hand behind you'?"

Haldir: "You have been sentenced to death by firing squad. Have you any final words?"
Aragorn: "Um..."
Haldir: "April Fool's!"

Haldir refused to admit that he had missed his quiver when replacing his arrows. But this meant he was at a loss to explain why he was now paralyzed and his back had turned red.

Haldir commands the squad of bodiless arrow-shooting hands.

Haldir to Gimli:
"What we have here is a failure to communicate."

http://cdn.theatlantic.com/static/mt...e%20hobbit.jpg

Thorin: For the love of - It's just a dinner! Follow the instructions starting from the backside of the third page, second paragraph down, fourth sentence...

OR

Bilbo: So... When was the last time you filed taxes for the Mountain?

Thorin: I was thinking since there's a dragon holed up in there, I could, y'know, claim some of a deductible from one of those 'magical endangered species' charities? You can tell them he's been in there foreeeever, so, I'm gonna need some compensation. Yeah.

Bilbo: ... It says you haven't filed in years and anyways, they took dragons off the list last month.

Thorin: Hope you like being bait.

Bilbo: Hmm?

Thorin: Nothing...

Thorin: How long must we sit inside this Omega symbol?

"Psst, Thorin! Why'd you give him your Birth Certificate?"

Bilbo: Hmm mmhmm ok I know some of these words.

(for the Good Burger fans out there)

Bag End was no ordinary hobbit hole, for one it had giant peepholes where others would have doors.

or

Bilbo was starting to get the hang of magic spells, now he just needed to figure out how to get the dwarves back out of the painting.

Bilbo: "Let's see":
Hey guys. Sauron is not into curbs on overlordship. You might want to walk this document over to Laketown. They're about the only democracy in Middle-earthy right now.

The first draft of "50 Shades of Gandalf the Grey" needed some editorial work.

Or...

Bilbo: "This isn't a contract, it's just the words "diggy diggy hole" repeated over and over."
Thorin: "And?"

Bilbo: "WHAT?!"

The company waits to see if Bilbo will hurl his copy of A Storm Of Swords to the wall as he gets to that moment.

Too late the dwarves discovered that they had given Bilbo the wrong contract, and so they had to deliver 350 Shetland ponies before the next day.

Thorin: "Oi! Bilbo! Have you finished with the Palantir Times yet? I want to know what time Heir Hunters is on."

Seems it's time for a new picture!

http://heirsofdurin.files.wordpress....12/12/trio.jpg

Thorin stares in disbelief at the unspeakably plain silver buckle on Kili's belt.

Or

Fili watches in amusement as a bird lines up to poop on Thorin's head

"Thorin, ever feel like cryin' and you don't know why?"

Kili: "Uncle, I know you crave to reclaim the treasure of our ancestors, but you should rather cast away the material needs and look for inner peace and serenity. Look, it's so simple. Ommmmmmm..."

Oommmmnomnomnomnom

Thorin: Kili, are you eating?

Kili: ... :Merisu:

Thorin and Kili attempt their best broody elf impressions while Fili tries to figure out what's in Kili's hair

Kili and Fili: Three is Company.

Thorin: That's not majestic enough, we need 14!

Kili: Hey, Mister, wanna buy some coke? It's in this club here...
Thorin: um?
Fili: yeah, dude, that club is full of coke, best stuff?
Thorin: er...
Fili: No? Then we haz other stuff too, here, in these bagz

Thorin to Kili: did you just step on a blue fairy?
Kili: um, noooooow

"What's with your hand, Kili? I told you not to tell Gandalf you'd rather be made of wood than see him uncloaked."

Thorin: "Thanks for the beard hair. Don't you think it's jazzed up my cheap Primark Uggs a treat?"

Kili doesn't know how to break the news to Thorin that by wearing trees doesn't make him the shortest Ent ever.

Thorin slyly checks to see if anybody noticed that he let one.

New piccy!
 

"This is what they call "The Hill"?! I've had larger warts."

Five year old boys the length and breadth of the nation were slightly confused by the new episodes of Postman Pat.

Gandalf was forced to downgrade from Shadowfax after Galadriel refused to share his penalty points for speeding

I wonder if this is what Tolkien envisaged when, without barrenness as a contrast, he wrote that he would come to hate all things green as a kind of fungoid growth. ;)