Gandalf: Sheesh, looks like another property tax evasion. Well, might as well lend a hand with that. Wizards are always marked under unnecessary guests in this part of Hobbiton... Maybe some illegal fireworks later on and unwelcome hordes of homeless dwarves too.

The sign on the gate:

Despite lessons from Radagast, Gandalf's attempts at shape-changing left him part shark.

What the ^%*#*! I TOLD Bilbo to make Bagend wheelchair accessible.
How the bleep will Bombur ever get to the door?

Gandalf arrives at his first assignment as a professional lawn mower.

The radioactive pea soup from the Paths of the Dead managed to travel far through time as well as space.

I always thought the pony looked like it was going backwards and now this advert has come out and I wonder...
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ekr0...e_gdata_player

Gandalf is tired of singing "The road goes ever on and on" and strikes up a rousing refrain of "The wheels on the cart go round and round".

"No one must know this is a strawberry Daquiri."

"My mother says I must drink a cup of vinegar each day, or else I'll get freckles!" :(

Legolas won the competition for the most original mustache, and at the same time proved that Elves could grow facial hair.

Legolas, much like alcoholic Galadriel, wondered overmuch who would refill his cup for him.

Or...

Too late Legolas realized that Gimli had replaced his wine with glue!

Or...

Legolas drank his horsewater beer, but all the while dreamed of the strong wines of Dorwinion that he drank in the parties of his youth...

Legolas vainly hoped that drinking out of a manly pint pot would make him look less girly.

Is this actually liquor? It tastes like p*ss!

Legolas desperately hoped the old adage about mead "putting hair on your chest" was factual.

Legolas was shyly hiding his temporary nose-job scars behind his tankard.

Legolas: Ok, you can do this. Remember how dad said... Handles are for babies, pre-game from the bottom up!

"Please don't replace me with another image!"

http://fc09.deviantart.net/fs71/f/20...AndersonJr.jpg

(for easier viewing: http://fc09.deviantart.net/fs71/f/20...AndersonJr.jpg)

SAURON IS WATCHING YOU.

When the orcs rock, the eye :rolleyes: rolls.

Sauron wished his eye had a lid when the smoke from Orodruin got a bit too irritating.

"Dear God, when is my suffering going to end?" (seriously, doesn't it look like he's looking up?)

High-tech advertising couldn't save Sauron's Orcish Optometry.

"Put all my malice in a ring and shape myself as a formidable eye, maybe I ought to rethink my life's decisions"

"Oh, when a villan, like me, is unattractive, he's flat-out evil. But when he's hot, like Loki, he's just misunderstood. There has to be someone to whom I can report. There's no way that this doesn't count as discrimination!"

What do you mean, compensating?

"What? Did Snaga set my kitchen on fire again?!"

Plankton (loudly) as he stomps around Mordor:

All in Bikini Bottom will now bow down before me!"

I think this will make an excellent picture for the sign outside of Gloin's Barber Shop.

Hobbits may have invented the game of golf, but Dwarves had Middle-earth's first field hockey league.

i haz beard.

I do not feather my hair.

Did you know that Rumpole of the Bailey is my second cousin, twice removed (if you follow me).

The famous swordsmiths of Magic Might of Moria were actively seeking new, strong-looking fellows for their advertisments. Unfortunately, the selection process was not going as well as they'd hoped it would.

"Hasta la vista, baby!"

Yes, that's you I'm lookin' at.

http://images4.wikia.nocookie.net/__...oromir34_b.jpg

This flimsy little chain is supposed to last all the way to Mordor? God, Elrond, you're cheap. Can't you even give Frodo a decent chain?

"I hope Mr. Jackson was right about this hypnotizing the audience into seeing this turkey again."

Okay, that last picture didn't seem to allow much inspiration, so how's this?

http://www.xtimeline.com/__UserPic_L...4137658498.JPG

"That's the last time I eat Sam's 'fish and chips'."

Gandalf: "You were right, gringo. This place wasn't big enough for both of us."

OR

"Cool guys don't look at explosions."

OR

"Hear me, fellow people of Middle-Earth! A new power is rising! The old world shall burn in the fires of industry! A new age has come! March! Onward!!!"

Where's that Indiana Jones? I'll get him for bringing out the snakes.

Gandalf always insisted that the smoke behind him matched his staff.