He put the goats in pots and shut the lids,
And made a stew to share with his orkish friends.

A thousand and two invites he sends
But all refuse, for Saruman offers gold

And such sparkling things do them hold
In slavery inescapable and strong.

And in the far distance they heard the gong,
Letting them know aid was arriving.

Remember to Quote the last two lines!
 

The aid was attacked by a strange thing
A Balrog called Steve who had a funny hat

But then there was a man, so fat,
Who sent him back into the shadowless relm!

Where Steve learned his hat was called a "Helm"
And that his beautiful wings were for show.

As he took hold of an arrow and Bow
While Dwarves hammered statues to him

And long dwarf-nails in his shin
Made him think of dwarf pot pie...

And so with glee, he took to the sky
Till he discovered his wings were shadow

"I think I can..." was his hopeful motto,
But squished dwarves ready consolation.

as well as a most toothsome sensation,
with gristle like wood and lard like lead

And a feel of rock when biting their head.
But with a touch of salt, a dab of pepper...

sprinkled liberally with mead and bee nectar,
Dwarf was not bad, in fact almost passable.

But Balrogs as cooks are quite unreliable
So Steve made his way towards The Shire

But because he was always on fire,
The folks would never stay around.

And so they hid, in their holes in the ground
Till Steve left and the supper was ready

First came old Gaffer walking unsteady,
tipsy for his taste of Dwarf Briquette...

He shouted "Hey! It's the best yet!
But I'm afraid it seems a bit burned...

"Ye'd think ol' Steve could ha' learned
how Dwarf ought to be simmered not roasted...

"But the skin, while charred, is well toasted,
And so, I declare it, a SUCCESS!"

With a large side order of watercress,
The Hobbits dug in and belched into the night

After, to their pipes they applied a light,
And wondered whether Elves were quite as tasty.

Suddenly up sat the Dwarf!- Hobbits scattering but hasty;
"Hey you!" cried Dwarf, "why chew on my shin-"

"when we could all be drinking gin!"
the hobbits agreed and they went quickly,

When they finished, some were wrinkly
For it took them so long to drink their fill

Then cunning dwarves pushed them down a hill
As revenge for attempting a dwarven barbecue.

But one was a lawyer and so did sue,
And the dwarves were taken for all they had.

The total loot, incidentally, wasn't bad.
But the fees! Only the lawyer came out ahead.

With a headache, the hobbits to bed
Went with a clunk. Sleeping till late

When they woke to witness a terrible fate!
The lawyer'd turned to stone in the night.

It seems he didn't put up much of a fight
“And he was a Troll after all”, so said they

"For only a Troll would choose a profession so fey,"
And they shrugged and went on with their lives.

But, cleaning and sharpening his knives
Sauron considered a trip to the north

He took his ring and its chain and set forth
But on his way he stumbled on a stone

But because he was travelling alone,
There was no one to help him up.

His face fell down into a soup cup
That was left by a tramp and his dog

In fury he tried to smite them...but fog
Put swift end to such dastardly plans

until he took out some large evil fans
he started to fan all the fog away

But to fan them all, it took all day
For it was thick and full of smoke